Some marriage rules are meant to be broken

Posted by Ria, 23 Jul 10

RulesEver wondered what the person who coined some marriage rules was thinking or maybe not thinking at the time? "Couples should work out every disagreement calmly; couples should do stuff together" :roll: Say that again?!! If you think about it, some of these rules can literally massacre your marriage.

Psychotherapist and author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway feels that breaking some of these rules may be the best thing you can do for a happier and healthier relationship. Lets see some of these marriage rules that need debunking:

  • Where did “Never go to bed angry” come from? Apparently, the Bible. However, trying to work through an issue when both of you are tired, stressed and very angry in actual sense is more damaging than facing opposite sides of the bed and talking about it when both of you are more rested and relaxed.

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  • Be 100% honest with your spouse? Do I really need to share the gory details of my past relationship? This rule, even without being told, is dying to be broken. Don’t go yapping all you want just because you don’t want to be dishonest. Think about your partner’s feelings. Those count too you know.
  • Fighting is the first class flight to divorce?! I believe holding back to avoid conflict actually is. Best advice is to fight in a healthy manner – avoid name-calling and screaming at each other for instance. All I know is; airing out conflicts respectfully is better than sweeping things under the carpet.
  • Then there is “Your children must come first”. Should you put your marriage on hold just for the kids? What happens once they get all grown and leave the house? Every couple should make their relationship their priority because a good marriage is better for the kids too because it makes them feel safer and more secure with parents that have a loving relationship. Make time for each other. The kids will be fine.
  • If you don’t maintain the I-have-been-drugged feeling your marriage will be doomed? Is it even possible to always have that spark in a long term relationship? The end of that spark doesn’t mean the end of your relationship as most people think. Long term relationships are based on commitment and trust and these two are the basis for true love to blossom. So don't dump your spouse just for sparks. Thou shall not live on fireworks alone.
  • And who came up with “a boring marriage is a bad marriage”? Yes, most people enjoy the thrill of drama-filled relationships. Question is: Are such relationships healthy in the long run? There is nothing wrong with being predictable… predictability = reliability. I think your spouse will be better off when he or she “boringly” knows where you are every night, than being excited by your impromptu escapades and all the worrying that comes along with them. After all you can always inject some excitement into your marriage once in a while.
  • You must have sex with your spouse to make him/her happy? How is a new mother expected to achieve this? Sex isn’t a to-do list in marriage. Sex isn’t the key to your spouse’s happiness. Sex IS for BOTH OF YOU!

So what other marriage myths should we debunk? What other marriage rules do you feel need breaking?

9 responses to "Some marriage rules are meant to be broken"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 10

    Is that true? Does whatever the couple decide always best for the relationship and make it work? Can we hear from some divorced people if that was a factor in divorce or other people who have gone or going through this topic? What makes your relationship work especially if you are happily married. Can some happily married people speak about their views on this subject and could those with failed relationships also speak on this topic?

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  2. Posted: 30 Aug 10

    Whatever the couple decides is best for their relationship will make it work.

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  3.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 10

    What if infidelity is agreed upon? Is that a truly loving, deep, soulmate, life long relationship of quality? Studies show that in married couples that agree to infidelity, that they usually end up in divorce. Why marry if you are going to agree to infidelity once you get married? Why not just stay single and agree to see other people and not risk a horrible divorce? And what if both parents agree to abuse their kids by selling them as babies for money or renting them to perverts for money? Is it okay to agree upon that because I have worked at an abused children's home and have seen cases of that first hand and they are horrifying.

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  4. Posted: 29 Aug 10

    I agree tina3219 - rules should be made on whatever the specific couple decides.

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  5.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 10

    I don't think the rules of fidelity and not abusing your spouse or kids should never be broken. Otherwise I guess the rules are whatever he couple agrees upon.

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  6.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 10

    The rules are whatever you and your spouse agree on.

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  7.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 10

    rules - bah humbug - who needs 'em

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  8. Posted: 28 Jul 10

    NoPLayer, You are funny as hell, I believe everything that you responded too, I totally agree with you, why on earth are there so many marriage rules anyway, the best thing to do is marry someone that believes in the same nonsense that you believe in, that way the two of you can live happily ever after, thats what I think. Great post NoPlayer!

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  9.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 10

    Here's a few that need to go! Your spouse should be your everything! Thats not realistic, being a spouse is a job within itself, so left me concentrate on that alone. Don't keep secretes from your spouse! The safest secrete is the one you dont tell, period. Don't argue in front of the kids! What better way for them to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable than by watching their parents in action. Couples shouldn't have seperate cash reserves that the other doesn't know about! Please, everybody needs some "just in case money", particullary men because a divorce can have you sleeping on a friends couch and thats not comfortable! Sex is not a to-do list in marriage! In that case neither is your nail/hair appointmentor or your occasional girls night-out! Ria you're causing problems! LMAO You shouldn't go out to the club alone! They say the temptation is too great, please, temptation is everywhere, its at work, the sexy-as-hell neighbor across the street or the single teller at the bank, so get over it! You have to except your spouse as they are! I'm sorry, no one should have to accept the fact that their spouse was decided to say, " oh well I'm married now so I can just let myself go and become big as a house, walk around looking like a soccer mom or a fishing dad and lose all sex appeal. The kids come first! The "walking papers" will come second behind them if somebody don't get their mind right!

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