Starting love again at 50+

Posted by Ria, 15 Oct 07

old.jpgFor those young couples out there starting life together, do you imagine your relationship will get easier as you age? Well apparently, the reality can be rather different.

Matrimonial relationships which have held together through the strains of raising a family and coping with work commitments may find themselves breaking down when the new stresses of an ‘empty nest’ and adjusting to retirement strikes. Some may also be dealing with the loss of a lifelong companion through illness or accident.

Most of those who decide to look for a new partner can be daunted by the thought of getting “out there᾿ again!

Bob, (who is 75 was married for 40 years before losing his wife to cancer) has had a couple of relationships since and he is very good with meeting people. However, he has one major problem… guilt over the memory of his marriage. “I really believe in intimacy and in the joy of meeting someone you're compatible with. I'm not ready to give up on that just yet.᾿

There is an increasing number of people who are finding themselves single again in later life… and the continuing desire for companionship is echoed. More and more people in the over-50s age group are getting divorced than ever before.

According to a survey for Saga magazine the main reasons the +50 couples split up was the sudden realization that they had spent years focusing on parenting at the expense of being partners hence they end up re-evaluation what they want for the rest of their lives. “Years ago when people got to their fifties they’d start thinking it was pipe and slippers time,᾿ says relationship counselor Paula Hall. “But increasing longevity means people have more time up their sleeves now, and they’re thinking more about what they really want to do with that time.᾿

Many older people are dating, travelling, returning to college or continuing their careers. It's like once you hit 50+ years old it's suddenly the time to enjoy life to the full, meet new people and have new relationships. Its all about having a positive approach to life.

Divorce later in life, however, may lead to increased isolation. Much as the opportunities for fresh starts and adventures seem endless for some, others find their options quite limited. And health is the great determinant between those who cope well and those who end up miserable.

Online dating has been a savior though as it is one avenue older people are exploring to jump-start a later love life. People who are 50 these days are acting like they are 40. However most women often that it gets much harder to find a partner once they have turned 60 and that feeling of rejection is particularly painful, especially after the loss of a lifelong partner or a divorce. A lil’ patience and having realistic expectations is vital. We all knowl love doesn’t come at the snap of fingers even for the younger generation. And having seen it all before (well… almost all), the +50 individuals can be picky too.

According to research, men who are more sexually active actually live longer. “Hormones are released during sex… men who have sex twice a week live longer than those who have sex once a month or less", says Dr Sarah Brewer, author of Intimate Relations: Living and Loving in Later Life. So what about women? “In women, it can fight the effects of menopause and reduce wrinkling.᾿ Well its not just sex that helps… any form of intimacy just about does it.

Do you think dating in your fifties is much harder in comparison to dating earlier? Being wiser, more independant should make it easier don’t you think? So what could be the potential pitfalls? [tags]love after 50[/tags]

67 responses to "Starting love again at 50+"

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  1.   kutu7 says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 12

    wow! i guess it depends on the individual. but i look forward to seeing what its like to love after 50

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  2.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 09

    Happy Holidays / Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to all between Now and in 2010 . Being oneself / never changes , Enjoy as the years pass bye . Now We have time to allow Pleasures to be Abundantly available / with nothing to slow Us down .

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  3.   Latina says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 09

    I am now divorced after 15 years of marriage, I am 54. I understand about the need to learn how to date again. I have dated a few times and would love to just have compaionship, great sex and someone that enjoys life. No drama, no games..just a love for life. I think It's my time to live now.

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  4.   Krafty-Kat says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 09

    Not sure if I'm even ready to date again...really, it all seems a bit scary. I wouldn't mind just going out ocassionally. I've been single now for nearly two years...and, can't seem to figure out how to do "single." Does that make sense? I'm 54 and would just like some fun, single friends. As far as old men with young girls, I don't think that's so cool. Although I wouldn't mind dating a guy in his 60's--as long as he was young at heart. I just want to have some fun again. The last several years of my marriage were hell; so fun would be nice.

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  5.   BEAU says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 09

    IVE READ WHAT YOU LADIES HAVE SAID AND I AGREE WITH IT .ID LIKE TO THINK THAT THERES SOME ONE FOR EVERYONE ,FOR ME IT DOESNT MATTER THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN ITS HOW YOU TREAT ME . IM 50 AND I STILL LOVE SPRING RAIN A RIDE ON MY BIKE ,READ A GOOD BOOK BE AROUND PLEASENT PEOPLE . SPEAKING FOR MYSELF ,IM NOT LOOKING FOR A YOUNG LADY TO MANY PROBLEMS ,IM LOOKING FOR SOME WHO STILL LOVES LIFE AND KNOWS HOW SHE WANTS TO BE TREATED AND HOW TO TREAT THE MAN IN HER LIFE .

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  6.   Joan%9Heath says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 09

    Hi, I picked up your web logs in a new listing of blogs. I dont know how your blog popped up, might have been a typoo, anyhowYour article looks superb. Have a nice day.

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  7.   Orashi says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 09

    Alison, Best wishes for a romance that is slow in the making.

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  8.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 10 Mar 09

    It is similiar to ride Ding a Bicycle , somethings one never forgets . Only the Dates on Calendars ever change - Life will always be the Same . Wisdom comes with age / then it Depends on how much you learned .

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  9.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    I'm not quite 50, but I would think the challenge is almost the same for anyone over 40. But, I think you do have experience on your side at that age and you should know what you want and your tolerance level for certain things.

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  10.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 09

    Only advise I can give is to put some pictures on here . Blind dates were in highschool times

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  11.   badger_55 says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 08

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  40.   wallkaz says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 08

    How do you feel about a lady who yes its up here left her kids to date black men but now is back in her kids life and her son which is only 14 does not talk to his mom because she is doing this.One of th ereasons is because she said all white men are no good. I say to this is it's her second marriage and I say the man is only as good as the women behind him. When she see's people she knows she runs and hides with the black man she is with. If I was this man I would leave. She has a best friend that is he race she flirts with and everybody in our town says they belong together.

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  41.   LadyK says:
    Posted: 05 Apr 08

    I am not sure why finding love at 50 would be difficult. I am 41, however, I date a man that is 50. He is nothing like the guys my age or younger are. He is much more setteled and made it no secret that he wants us totally committed to each other. He treats me like a queen and always tries to look his best for me. He is not the best looking man in the world, but his personality and his genuine friendship has made me fall head over heals for him. For the first time in my life I have a man that is actually "courting" me. I would tell every woman I know that's at least 38+ to look for a man 50+. They are the best. Also, sexually, he is the best that I have ever had! From this experience, I realize that most men actually grow up at 50. I wish everyone can find happiness as I have.

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  42.   Jade74 says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 08

    Amen & ^5 to HereIamBaby.....we know what we want or don't want or willing to accept or settle for whatever comes..Step it up or move on......

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  43. Posted: 23 Mar 08

    To Kingacer; I have always held a certain attraction for Mature white men,,there strengths are many, confidence, well read and travelled. Most are understanding, interesting,and surprisingly erotic. What' most important is to develop a friendship. Always treat each other with a certain level of respect and caring.Usually the passionate mind blowing "God is good to be fifty plus " SEX will OCCUR.

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  44.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 12 Mar 08

    To some point I can agree with the people who say men are picking younger women when I married my second husband he was much older than me I said to myself older maybe be better now at 36 and he just turn 60 in january for me older in this case was not better this time but I would give it a try dating a man that is way older.

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  45.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    I can only speak for me... It is harder because now we know what we are actually looking for... Southern smiles, Sharon

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  46.   Jade74 says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 07

    Dating in your 50's is very different than when you are younger.In some ways it's not easy for the women,but not so much with the men.Most men in their 40's- 50's age range are looking for someone younger to date.We are more mature and know what we will tolerate in relationships and life.

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  47.   Sharon says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 07

    Being 55 and single, I think I qualify to comment on this.... I think that dating is harder...not being a child or a virgin...I find many issues that I did not have before...one being STD rates! YIPES that is a scary fact!!! There are more women then men...I bet it is more like 2 or 3 to one. And then there is the fact that we have become creatures of habit. Living with ANYONE is not easy. I am still looking for the arms of my angel...it has been a year now but I have not given up...I know he is out there and when the time is right I will find him or him me. Good luck in your search Baby Boomers. Southen Smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  48.   Fkoi says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 07

    I find for myself that my past patterns, my past doubts and my past mistakes have all held me back in finding "true" love in the present. I know that it is all about letting go of the past and moving toward the future but anyone who can look at themselves and say, "Oh that's easy. Just do it (sorry Nike)," well, they aren't me. I have to take a serious look at myself and try to see what I'm doing to prevent me from finding "the one" and then taking steps to eliminate those reasons (or "excuses"). Certainly I'm not meeting "age-appropriate" women in the same ways I did when I was 20 (whatever "age-appropriate" means exactly). And I don't want to. For me, hanging out in bars and meeting other barflies is not a good formula to meet women who are emotionally available. Maybe I don't find as many potential partners as I once did because they are not getting out and being seen as much as they once did. Definitely part of it is because I am not. Then there is the physical appeal part of attraction. I work hard on my appearance. I'm no metrosexual, but I exercise, watch my diet, wear attractive clothing that looks good on me, and generally pay attention to my appearance. In a new commercial featuring a certain QB from Indiana, he says that if you want rock hard abs and you are out of your 20s and not a professional athlete, forget about it. Just wear larger shirts. That's not good enough! I can't have the bod of a teenager and I'm not getting paid to be in shape. But I can devote some time to it. And I can devote energy into looking good, not just put on a fresh coat of paint. I find that the pool of potential partners who spend the same amount of time and energy trying to look their best is a lot smaller. Looks aren't everything, not by a long shot. But showing the respect for oneself to take care of your "temple" no matter what age, says something about your overall personality and view of yourself. Or maybe we all should just get larger shirts.

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  49.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 07

    First off, respect to all. But pleeeeeze! I'm 52 & attracted to ladies in their late 20's to early 60's. This is a great time. I really take care of myself mentally & physically & feel like I'm still 18. No swollen prostate here! Also: No need to hustle younger women, if there is a mutual interest we'll go out & take it from there. It is really an individual thing, just think of all the people you know, we all age differently. 50 is the new 20.... I can outrun your 18 year old son & your 35 year old ex-boyfriend! Hopefully I won't have to. The only problem that I see with dating younger women is that I will be in my 70's in 20 years & they'll still be, well, younger. Please note: my preference is not for younger women, it's just that there are more available that are under 50 than over 50. I find dating to be very easy at 50+ as more people are open minded today. You just have to get out there & I don't mean just clubs. You can meet someone at restaurants, parks, library, stores, c'mon now, didn't you ever make eye contact with someone at Wal-Mart? Then there are wonderful sites such as AR. As far as pitfalls, I can see a 50+ partner rushing into marriage because of age. That's about it. All the Best !!!

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  50.   Member says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 07

    I have 3 serious relationship,with one man i was engaged but our future was not good so i brokeup. For me the look is not important and i am not dificult person,i dont want too much but every time my love go down.i want to beleive in love but i am very disapointed and i dont know that is just for a cople of month or than come goood friendship whit sex. On the wedding party of one of my friends, she let me try online relationship. I knew InterracialFriends.com from her. After i complete to create my personal profle, i searched out many great serious single man in my city. I choose 35 men from them and send messages to them. Two days later, I received over 30 feedbacks from them. It make me happy. Two months later, I met my present boyfriend, Jack. He is a real good man to marry. Here i want to let all alone single know that you can be happier if you got a true love. Thanks all kind friends of mine.

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