Struggles with identity and race haters exposed

Posted by Ria, 24 Jun 13

ashamed to be blackHow would you feel if your white family tells you to have an abortion just because the father of the kid is black? How about a black woman who hates being black and wont date black men because they “smell”; she hates her black side to the extent of doing research on how to make her skin lighter? What’s worse is this 13 year old born of black parents but keeps telling people she is white; she has even tried bleaching herself.

All this came to light on the Trisha Goddard show last month dubbed “Ashamed To Be Black…Race Haters Confronted.”

Seeing people struggle with racial identity like this really made me wonder how it can be so hard for someone to just accept themselves as they are. Sadly, race really is a challenge for some people.

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One of the guests on the show, Laverne, hates the fact that her son, Devonte, dates non-black women – he only dates Asian women because they know how to treat a man and doesn’t date black women because they are ghetto. “If he believes that black women are uneducated and too difficult to deal with then what is that saying about me? His own mother?” Laverne wonders. Funny thing is: Laverne has kids with a Spanish guy and according to her son the man is good to her. But according to her, “Puerto rican is still considered as black.” Huh???

Meet Chastity. Her aunt Tye hates the fact that her niece had kids with a black guy. She doesn’t acknowledge Chastity’s biracial kids. Tye believes in keeping the races pure saying, “I feel sorry for my niece's children because they are biracial. I even told her that when she found out she was pregnant she would be better having an abortion.” And she claims she aint racist. :roll:

Besides the teenager that hates her race are two grown ups; a Jewish guy Daniel and a Puerto Rican-Black woman, Erica. Daniel wants to be black; he feels he relates more to the black culture. He has even dropped kosher cuisine for traditional black food. Erica on the other hand would do anything NOT to be black. She hates her black part. She has no intention of dating black men because “a lot of them smell like what they cook, like body. I'm not into it... If it ain't white it ain't right.”

Erica continues: “I am researching how to lighten up my skin so I am not as dark. I want to look like me. I want lighter skin. There is nothing wrong with that.”

If you ask me: There is everything wrong with that. Why can’t some people just accept who they are? Its what’s on the inside that really counts. If you can’t accept yourself, how will you be able to accept others, your spouse, children? But then again, it all boils down to choice.

Are you ashamed of your racial identity? Are people around you having trouble accepting your race? Share your story.

4 responses to "Struggles with identity and race haters exposed"

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  1.   Cory0533 says:
    Posted: 27 Oct 13

    Well, I can understand struggling with self identity. I was born in Hawaii and for the locals we always ask our friends or people we first meet "what is your ethnicity." I get mistaken for a lot of races from Samoan to Egyptian to east Indian, to Iraqi. My ethnicity is Puerto Rican, African, Portuguese, Filipino, Irish...and several others...However, growing up in my family we only identified with our latin race. I never associated myself as being a "black" woman but as a "latina." It wasn't until I met my father, who has African ancestry, that I finally realized that I am not just latina, I am many races and I am me. It was very hard at first because I rejected my African side. But in the end, my father is right, I need to accept all of me to be happy and it's true. Now when I look in the mirror it isn't so hard to look at my skin, my curly hair. Its a struggle everyday to wake up and not see what is right in front of you.

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  2. Posted: 30 Jun 13

    I have to say that self hate stems from ignorance. Ignorance is the sole reason for most of the strife in the world. Lucy a skeleton found in Africa being identified as the oldest living ancestor of homo sapiens would be considered a black person. So if you think of it that way we all are black people or some descendent of a black person. We hide behind falsified truths and fail to do our homework then blame the world for the things that happen when we have only to open our eyes and seek out the truth. Some people are happy in their ignorance. I say you need to understand, don' t put pride in a color put pride in your own personal achievement and unless you can learn to love yourself don't expect anyone else to be able to do what you cannot do yourself. I do not feel ashamed to be black I but that is not the only thing that defines me I am me first and I need to be happy with that. Within all of us are multiple identities from race, religion,ethnicity, sex. Why pick out the most insignificant part of yourself such as the color of your skin and make it such a big deal.

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  3.   AnnaKarina says:
    Posted: 25 Jun 13

    I think race hating comes from a disconnection with culture. Now because these are african americans I can't really fully project my views on their situation but as an African I see a similar thing in our contemporary society. People race hate because of a poor cultural perception of their race. Most successful black africans refuse to associate with rural africans because they see them as backward or shameful. Some go as far as associating anyone who speaks with an ethnic tongue as a sign of poverty. I find this sad and ignorant on its own. Personally i can identify with the thirteen year old on some level, adolesence is a difficult time and i sense alot her self hatred comes from peer enforcement. I can proudly say though that I am deeply inlove with my identity as a black african women, with cultural heritage such as miriam makeba and steve biko even contemporary groundbreaking authors like chimande adiche and beautiful singers like lira, all black, african and intelligent. I have everything to love about my race, its history, my shape and my colour. Being an amazing and unique individual has less to do with race and more recognizing your beauty and worth in your exact shape and size. Looking in the mirror should not give you anguish but joy. Its our successes that make us beautiful not the other way round.

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  4.   arlandf says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 13

    Ria this is an interesting piece. First off, with Laverne comment, Puerto Ricans have black blood in them. During slavery, they are more free blacks then they were free whites, and slave blacks in Puerto RIco. Now for me, I never hate being black. In fact, I am proud of being black. I was raised by parents that taught me about my heritage and ancestry. To be honest, the people that made me feel ashamed the most about being black were black people. The thing is that many of them have been raised by parents (most likely a young single mother) that don't have any self-respect and they project it on their children and their children project it on other children. They will later become adult with self hate issues and this is why black relationships fail. We can say black men this, black women that, but at the end of the day, we have to address our own issues.

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