Stuck at the crush stage?
Why people should stop thinking about idealized partners and appreciate the real ones who are available.
I remember my first celebrity crush … Keanu Reeves. When acting, it was as if he was doing it just for me … for my eyes only. That had me hooked. I was infatuated for a while; posters of him all over my bedroom wall.
Then I forgot all about his handsome face and those mysterious eyes as soon as I discovered Snoop Dogg. It was lust at first sight. My pals have never understood my crush on him but damn, he still makes my blood boil.
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The thing is, the likes of Keanu Reeves lived outside the realm of my existence. And as an aspiring young lady desperate to join the ranks of womanhood, I had to be content with my low place in the food chain and accept that Keanu was a good person to have a crush on – just a crush; nothing more.
Once you grow older, you have to realize that nursing a crush is a seduction tactic that bears no fruit. You have to ditch such fantasies and face up to the real world if you plan on ever succeeding in finding a real partner.
That said, unfortunately, in our quest to find love, we still meet people with expectations lifted directly from movie scripts. My frustration is that far too many people still judge prospective partners by the same standards they used to judge their teenage crushes. I think expecting someone to keep up with a movie hero or some super model is ridiculous to say the least.
George Clooney has unintentionally screwed up a lot of relationships. When your woman compares you to her ideal man, how can trouble escape the relationship?
A crush should be a FLEETING fantasy (Fleeting is the keyword here). Problem is; some people never outgrow the crush phase. And the worst reflection of a crush is when it turns to stalking.
In order to move on and find true love, you need to face up to the looming prospects of rejection and remind yourself that no one dies from a broken heart. Get over that unreciprocated love. Its part of this harsh reality – that the idealized love you so desire not always feels the same about you.
For me, my standards have shifted. Yes my heart will always throb at the sight of Snoop’s bony bear chest but knowing his story as it is, my focus is more on the rounded attributes of a perfect companion … finding a man who will always be my friend… finding a man who adores me.
It is healthy to aspire to an ideal. But if you focus too much on some puppy love, it becomes toxic. David Beckham and Halle Berry for instance are toxic to most women’s and men’s brain cells respectively – they are known to excite them cells to death. Unfortunately, real men and women come with numerous flaws. There are no perfect people on earth.
Best thing is to drop the teenage crush whimpering and accept the reality of our relationship choices as they are, not as we would want them to be. Leave the idealized crushes for the unattainable celebrities and cultivate love for that not-so-perfect open-mouthed snorer next to you in bed.
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