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Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating

Posted by Ria, 24 Apr

I once asked you guys in an earlier post: “Do dating sites encourage racial prejudice?” Well, a UC Irvine study claims that online daters have a tendency of observing racial stereotypes while seeking potential mates.

The researchers analyzed Yahoo personals and found that White men prefer Asian and Hispanic women to African American women as dating partners. White women on the other hand have a preference for African American and Hispanic men as opposed to Asian men. Asians, Blacks and Latinos were more inclined to include White people as possible mates than White people were to include them. White people seem to be the most preferred race when it comes to interracial dating.

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Cynthia Feliciano, one of the researchers and UCI assistant professor of sociology and Chicano/Latino studies, pegs the above preference findings on negative portrayals of Black women and Asian men by the media – on TV, in movies and music. "Stereotypical images of masculinity and femininity shape dating choices and continue to be perpetuated in the mass media," said Feliciano, "The hyper-feminine image of Asian American women contrasts greatly with the image of Asian men, who are often portrayed as asexual."

At the same time, the image of the strong Black woman, portrayed negatively by media as bossiness, is pegged against the idealized notions of submissive and frail women; which kinda explains why they were the least preferred choice of mate. This study on internet dating shows how race still plays into the selection of a partner.

Having been dubbed the 'dominant race' and being the most preferred racial group (according to the study), do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?

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270 responses to "Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating"

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  1.   tropicaltam says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 09

    Yahoo Personals....seriously. If your going to do a study about dating preferences, please include data from all types of dating websites. I refuse to believe a survey from yahoo is going to predict the trends of other websites. There is so much more research that should be done on that matter rather than poking around on one site and yelling "I've got it"! Purely ridiculous. While some of the points of the article are supported by many, this only fuels the problem. Let me see research that is more in-depth and truly proves me wrong about what I feel. Furthermore, were they attempting to profile dating in the USA only or was it meant to reach a broader audience? That puzzles me entirely. I enjoyed reading the feedback, very interesting points of view.

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  2.   whurr says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 09

    On Yahoo personals, white men love Asian women more because they will 'show you fun' for $25. As long as you have a XOOM account, you can transfer your weekly grocery money to the Phillipines and have some 'fun'. There is nothing better then paying $25 and watching someone who claims to be 40 years old, but looks like she is 11, possibly going on 12. The same Yahoo 'daying profiles' find their way into the chat room on this site. I love watching them try to hawk their 'wares' on cam to the incredibly horny. There is nothing more romantic to me than to hear a young Phillipina saying 'YOu like to have fun' in the.chat room. SIGGHHHHHHH Yahoo personals is so cool. I'm hungry now. I think I am going to go get some General Tso chicken and cuddle up under a comforter.

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  3.   Jimmydea01 says:
    Posted: 05 Jun 09

    I was just talking too a person online, she just started dating white men, but said it rare where she came from, New York, ive dated girls that went down south and said this does not happen in the 80s, being in the Millitary, ive been all over the south or New York where most of my family is from, i dated in all these places like georgia or south carolina etc, New York, but if i think someone looks good, i tell them, and had no problems if they were also attracted. Now recently, my ex just went out on a date up here in seattle/tacoma area/ he was white and some guys said, what is this Jungle Fever from some guys walking by them, she had never had any comments like this before with me or any one she dated, so it still happens with dum comments by some folks, but that will not stop her from dating whoever she is attracted too. Nor should it anyone on here.

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  4.   cocoa70 says:
    Posted: 04 Jun 09

    Hi Siiwa, You should come on down to Italy more often then! I'm a black American woman married to an Italian (living in Italy)--Italian men aren't shy at all, lol. Why don't you try dating online? I actually met my husband that way. We're really happy, he's family is sweet, my parents LOVE him (actually sometimes I think they love him more... just kidding) If you are shy about online dating, maybe you could join some activity groups for hiking or trekking around. That's another nice place to meet guys away from work. Plus there usually are more guys than gals whenever it comes to sporty stuff. Most of my friends here say that they meet through other friends so you could play hostess and have a little party to get to know people better... Good luck!

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  5.   AndrewBoldman says:
    Posted: 04 Jun 09

    Hi, good post. I have been woondering about this issue,so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be coming back to your site.

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  6.   siiwa says:
    Posted: 03 Jun 09

    i grew up in zurich, switzerland. a small country between germany, france and italy...cause some never heard about that small country:-) i am a african girl, aged 22, good-looking, well-educated we have a view black people here..the people here are more or less open-minded but not free from prejudice:-) the phenomen that black women are the lower rate to date is even here as well..i see alot of good looking, not overweight young black girls who are single and it seems that the white men like to flirt with them but wouldnt go a step further (i m talking also from my own experience) on the other hand u see lot of black men dating and marrying white woman. where i work i m the first black woman, most of my colleagues are white men...it should be acctually easy for me..but u dont now how hard it is. cause it seems that the white men like to flirt but do not take it serious after all. compared to the white women. in my point of view its like when a white woman likes or wants a black men, she doesnt care what other people say. she just go for it. as she knows that some black men like white women, they re not to scared of rejection and are more confident when they approach a black men. maybe its also cause the media still often shows the beautiful white woman. and rarley the beautiful black woman! we still live in a white dominated world where in the industrial countries the stereotype beautiful white woman stands on top. for example. lets say we live in a black dominated country where the black woman is on top..just imagine. dont u think black woman: we would be so much more self-confident and it would be so much more easy for us to approach a white man, cause we KNOW we re the beauty standard and they probably like us? be honest to yourself guys. i m interested in white guys and i wonder what more can black woman do, to show white men, that she likes him? last week we also nominated the hottest swiss girl..and the girl who won was black girl. i m kind of confused...i hear so many white man saying that they like black woman, but not often approach one. and here in switzerland it is not as "segregated" as in the states. we dont have to fear too much what our familiy gonna say or thinks. its a strange world! (sorry my bad english i m not a native speaker. in switzerland we speack in german:-)

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  7.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 09

    Co_Co, I'm not sure what you were trying to say but those were statements not queries and they are PRO interracial dating not against it. I also DID already mention where they came from. Some also suggested downloading the book instead including me if you still want to read it. See above.

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  8.   Co_Co_Latte says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 09

    Realized later Salsera about where the queries originated. No matter though. As many here have aforesaid, we cannot help who we are attracted to. Life is simply to short to be so concerned about what others things. Brava to those who seek personal happiness above the approval of others. I say if your family and your friends truly love and care about you then they will support the choice of your heart and not attempt to color your views based on their notions. Ciao

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  9.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 09

    Ms. Balance - Thanks for the info. I think we can all benefit from reading what others think about topics of interest to us. I learn a lot reading these blogs but what I read here is not without bias or propaganda. I look into what Adam White has to say on the topic. By the way, I find it interesting that the book you mention is 10 years old.

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  10.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 09

    Sorry Balance, but I just have to warn people. Buy if you must or download to save the $30 bucks but many of the reviews were not good. I would save your money and just BE YOURSELF anyway. Go to amazon.com, look up the books and read the reviews. You’ll see why . Some of the complaints about “The Interracial Dating Book For Black Women Who Want To Date White Men” written by Adam White” were: TK This book definitely isn't worth $30 and I'd recommend downloading it from one of the sites mentioned. GypsyHeart 1- The first warning bells sounded when I realized that there was no information about the person behind the "Adam White" pseudonym. Who is he, and what makes him qualified to write about this subject? When an author goes beyond using a pseudonym to shield his complete identity from the reader, I can't help but wonder what's wrong. 2- The entire book reads like a poorly written high school term paper.... 3- ...racist and patronizing attitude the author displayed toward blacks. One bit of advice was for black women to ignore other blacks in public and focus exclusively on white males to make themselves more cross-culturally appealing. Why would any self-respecting black woman want a man who only found her desirable when she distanced herself from those who shared her racial background? 4- I thought the goal was to date whites, not to become white. Yet the author's suggestions include not wearing ethnic attire so as not to appear hostile, not wearing a great deal of jewelry because that's associated with "blackness," and not discussing issues with racial overtones so as not to make white men uncomfortable. Smith also contributes such "gems of wisdom" as: read books about interracial romances in public so whites will know that you are receptive, work to overcome the discomfort you will surely feel at the unaccustomed situation of meeting blue or green eyes, and dress like the white women you know. ZB a revolting smorgasboard of racism, paternalism & stereotype,... Let me say that I'm a white man who has dated several black women. I read the first chapter of this book and felt the urge to vomit. I don't know what the author's purpose was but the result was a gross catalog of stereotypes. ("Black women should consider the financial security man white men offer" was one tidbit.) Joie, As a multicultural woman, I would applaud the author's desire to encourage exploration of love with other races; I think, however, I expect many who truly wish to try interracial dating will already be far beyond the puerile suggestions of this book. Save your (money)! Rocker81 I'm a white man that is interested in dating black women. However, I don't want a black woman that dresses different to attract white men. I want a black women and not a white women with darker skin. And to hate and be negitive of black men is also moronic. Wortless book! Save your money and go buy a DVD or something as you will be much better off than reading this rubbish. There wasn’t much on the review for “The Interracial Dating Book For White Men Who Want To Date Black Women

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  11.   Afrazier196 says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 09

    I do agree with Glock, I just don't think white men know what to say to a black women....But men have to remember, black women are just like all other women. We just want to be loved and not used.

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  12.   prncess4ever says:
    Posted: 01 Jun 09

    To Girlstar7. Thank you -- you totally get it!!

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  13.   Balance38 says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    Hello greeting to all once again,for those who sista who like to read as much as I do, I suggest"The interracial Dating Book For Black Women Who Want To Date White Men" written by Adam White.This book explores many of your question and explains in details and also gives Web discussuiongroup for this book. He is also the writer of "The Interracial Dating Book For White Men Who Want To Date Black Women". This book is not bias and lack proproganda. I purchased it off amazon.com. Knowledge and a open-mind is the key to understanding . I wish you all success in your search for true happiness. This book addresses alot of your question, doubts, misconception, etc.This book is researched based and peer- reviewed.

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  14.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    HoneyKissed, I have Merengue in the mix but yeah I left out Samba (fun stuff). I'll have to learn Soca, though. That one I haven't done yet. Forgive the delay. My comments are taking longer to post for some reason.

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  15.   Girlstar7 says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    To classynsheek: I am so proud of you for letting it be known that we are not the least preferred on sites.We are probably the most preferred,but a lot of white males may honestly don't know how to truly approach us.I say like any other woman of any race with repect, honest and please no sterotypes!. All black women are not the same and that is not a put down to my sista's out here, but we don't always desire the same thing as any other woman might not in her own race.In any interrace relations there might be up hill battles with family and friends, not accepting or understanding the heart of the matter. I say put God first and let him so direct your steps... and breathe and keep it very natural and just let the feelings flow. Don't try to program your feelings, or what to say or how to think. And yes! sista black women should never have to apologize for being natural strong, beautiful and fearless. We had to for survival.

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  16.   Girlstar7 says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    To sexyp1: I just read your comment and I must say that you are a beautiful sista who could get any man of your choice. Black women and dark skinned women to me seem to be more prefered by white males. I feel they probably feel that if they get a dark skinned women then they are really dating a black women. There are so many beauitful sista's of every shade in the black race. And true! It is a shame that you had to change your race idenity on a site to see a real response. I will never deny myself and being a proud and strong black sista to please any man of any race. I am me! take it or leave it!. Hold your head up, you are a star.And love is just around the corner for you. He'll love you big or small, dark or light.

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  17.   Girlstar7 says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    To Princess4ever: I really like your comment on race relations. Your very correct when you said you can love black men, I have a 4 year old black son who will be a black man one day. I love black men too, they are my people as well as a living uncle and black male friends.But? I so prefer to date white males, this will never make me forget my hertiage/ancestory or be someone that I am not. I want something new and different as well as kind treatment. Although I know their will be an up hill battle, I took that into deep consideration on the choice of stepping out of my usual relationships. I am so sure and adult enough to know this is what I want in my life. Just simple joy, love, happiness and God's blessing..

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  18.   paulCT says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    Rosebud14 put me in mind of something Richard Pryor said years ago on the Johnny Carson Show. He and Johnny were chatting about the numerous wives they'd each had. At one point Richard Pryor recounted an instance when someone asked him why several of his wives had been white. His reply was that it is hard enough to find someone you love who also loves you so why would you make it even harder by limiting yourself based on race. I think Richard had a point! We all have preferences, it's human nature.

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  19.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 30 May 09

    P.S. Running team L.A. to Philly / Running Legal Logbooks - about 53 hours highway time . Then two days of sleep .

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  20.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 30 May 09

    fkoi ; This in the Proper forum to Enjoy having fun . Question being ; Moderation and frequency of such and so . Answer ; probably could be as easy as having Independant Internet Reseachers Pole . Might be just a waste of time if we were truly to find Bigotry in the Indulgence of the staff of this site- surely free from Prejudice in the eyes of daily comments given bye so many of different Cultures and Locations . Enjoy the dance of Life .

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  21.   moejoe99 says:
    Posted: 30 May 09

    By the way, I no longer use this site as a serious means to meet someone. Hence, I have no pic on public display. The level of honesty displayed by most women on this site is less than encouraging. Ladies.....give these newbies a break and treat them gently.....as for the cheaters and liars, you show them who's the boss!

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  22.   moejoe99 says:
    Posted: 30 May 09

    Get over it!!! Just talking about this topic perpetuates the issue of racial division/separation. I am a "2 yrs divorced" white man who was married to a black woman for 14 yrs. Today I would approach a black woman no differently than I would approach any woman of any other race. I don't even think about race as a variable. Sometimes I feel this site wants us to feel like we're doing something that is unnatural, and hence, we must rationalize and justify our behavior by having an online therapy session. Who cares if an inter-racial couple are kissing in public. I guess I have to wonder about how comfortable the people on this site are about dating outside of their race. By the way, I am an exec at one of the nation's largest banks...."corporate America at its finest" - screw what my manager may think when I show up at the next corporate bash with a lady of color!!!

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  23.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 30 May 09

    Co_Co_Latte Those questions you answered were not mine so I can’t take credit for them. On April 30th I just restated what was posted at the top of this blog in Ria’s article so as to get back on track. See the end of her article. Fkoi, people have flirted with me before on here and I back. As long as it’s very brief and really not often no harm no foul. I now return to the regular scheduled program. Morninflower, I always wanted to see Hawaii but now I have one more reason to motivate me to go, lol.

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  24.   HoneyKissed6 says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    Salsera, don't forget to school fkoi on the art of Soca, Merengue, and Samba!

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  25.   prncess4ever says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    Good evening all and Happy Friday!! @vimto10--well said my sister! There have been some interesting comments on this topic. I'm so glad that we're able to have an honest, open dialogue about it. I just wanted to let you know how much I relate to your opinion. I have similar sentiments--especially when it comes to totally exluding ones own race for dating. It makes me sad when I hear folks speaking negatively of their own race and culture. I love myself AND black men!! How can I not--my dad, brothers, son, uncles...However, just because I love them doesn't mean I can't love men from other races. I just want a kind, nurturing individual who will love me for me. Not because I'm black, or fit some sort of pre-conceived stereotype, but because I'm special to them. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Bravo!!

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  26.   Rosebud14 says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    If you try to hard to figure out what goes on in other people's minds you are chasing after a lost cause. It comes down to attraction, thats it thats all. People get caught up in the color of someones skin and it goes across the board with all races. Everyone discriminates within their own race and unfortunately it always spills over into their own fears, backround and beliefs. I for one do not care if anyone accepts my choice in a partner, whether its my family, friends, or co-workers. It's hard enough to find love so my advice when you find it hold on screw what anyone else thinks or feels. Those are their issues not yours. With that being said I am mixed White/Hispanic most of the time people really can't tell what I am. I will tell you that I have had the most dirty looks from white men and black women when I am in public with a black man. Do I care? Nope never have cared what other people think if you can't bare to look at people of different races together simply don't look, if we make you sick once again thats your problem, see all of us on this site have overcome the stares, glares and nasty comments that come our way and at the end of the day we are happy because we are just being who we are. So my advice is live your life to the fullest and don't pass up something beautiful because other people object! Good Luck to all of you!

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  27.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    Salsera this is somewhat (somewhat? ;-) off topic and so the wrong forum to be publicly flirting with you (but it is so much fun!). When you get to my neck of the woods and I would relish the opportunity to bring my salsa shoes out of (deep) hibernation. You are so on! I will be the envy of all the cats in the house and real salsarios might have some sympathy for your plight and give you a real twirl on the dance floor. We might could break up whole blocks of stereotypes with some simple dance steps! Cha, cha, cha on that bigots! Meanwhile, when I'm next heading to Walnut Street, I'll let you know and thereby we'll crash stereotypes on both coasts and hope it all meets in the middle. I did bring it back to topic somewhat didn't I? Bring on the moderation!

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  28.   Girlstar7 says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    I've read all the comments about race and dating. And I must say honestly, I am a freshman to the interrace dating. I prefer white males, and not because of the sterotype "A white man is going to save me", or "He's better than a black man". I just wanted something new and a man whom I have always wanted to be with.But dealing with society, family and the stares allowed me to remain fearful. I now am very happy to be free and able to just have a don't give a damn!. Start living joyfully for myself regardless of color, I am a late bloomer (lol). I realize love has no time limit. And as far as white males are afraid to approach black women, this is true!. I get more European white males then American white males. That is good, but I am an American woman who wants an American white male. And updated note: Kind of got my eye on this very cute white male hottie (lol), and yes! he is American..lol

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  29.   HoneyKissed6 says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    And you are correct. It is arbitrary and pointless to pigeonhole ourselves into categorical races. We are all "soup" anyway. So for the sake of peace, I'll be HumanBeing 1 and you are HumanBeing 2. And how are you today?!

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  30.   HoneyKissed6 says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    FearlessCrusader, I'm well aware that Judaism is a religion not a race. I spoke of being Jewish in terms of race because many of my peers do not have historical knowledge of it and tend to categorize Jews into a sum total. For that, I am sorry. So to be very politically correct with you and anyone else following your line of thought, I am and forever will be a multi-ethnic woman. I am the sum total of my Native American heritage, African-American heritage, and my Caucasian ancestors that practice the Jewish faith. Happy now?

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  31.   Vimto10 says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    I feel that there are embedded within the North American Society, especially, languages of preference for certain skin tones and personalities. The media, in all its forms just gives these preferences a platform for us to confirm in our minds, the beliefs and values we have been taught from birth. I do think that we must give credit where it's due. The fact that we are on an interracial dating site with people from all the various races and social economic status presented is a huge step, for humankind. This dialogue alone is proof to me that we are doing much better than we ever did, historically. Big Up to us!!!! On this site, I have been contacted by people from all cultures, including those who stated they prefer other races. Some (majority) who contact me, regardless of their racial background, are trying to confirm the stereotypes they already have about Black women. This is sad and hurtful, only because I realize that even those of us who have willingly signed up for interracial experiences, still judge each other with the stereotypes taught to us. Whether we are seeking to confirm the positive or negative beliefs of a group of people in the individual we have picked, still means that we aren't honoring the precious jewel of a human being they are, at that moment. Yes, even those with no jobs and still in their mama house :). I feel like, as a Black woman, I'm supposed to be a certain way and not another and to be honest, it's really stifling. I can probably imagine that every person here feels this way on some level. My question is, why do we continue doing it? The truth of matter is, both men and women from all sorts background are more similar within their gender than culturally. I find that I share more in common with most women, than with men from my background. Also, this issue of preferring partners from another race out of dislike for ones own, is another saddening spot for me. How can we dislike the very people who have birthed and nurtured us, regardless of their shortcomings? To me, it symbolizes a deeper issue of self dislike. I remember a time when I felt real shame and hatred towards my Black brothers for all the stereotypes that are represented. One day, I heard a group of women from another race say the same things about Black men and women that I was feeling towards the men. First, I got really pissed off because they had the nerve to judge an entire race by stereotypes, then realized that I was no different. I was doing the exact same thing. Once I got over the anger and shock of my realization, I decided I would only look at people as individuals. Not an easy task because there are some who, at the surface level, embody every bit the positive or negative stereotypes. I strive to accept others as they are and hope they will do the same towards me. That got longer than I expected! One world, one people, please!! Peace!!!

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  32.   Co_Co_Latte says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    SALSERA77: Hello. Newbie here. Wanted to answer your end of April posting about "Do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.?" I would say, not all by themselves. But since that is the group that controls the media and since the media is controlled by maybe 2 or 3 conglomerates then what they choose to print or broadcast perpetuates the ignorance and stereotypes that have brainwashed the nation for decades. However, people have been making efforts for just as long to break down those walls, although not quite at the pace that would happen if folks weren't so concerned about what their peers would say or how they perceive their corporate relationships would shift if they dated or married outside of their ethnic group. "Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene?" Perhaps the internet dating scene was borne of the need to crack the ice of preferential influence perpetrated by the media. In the 80s I met (but did not date) innumerable white men who were married to white women but wanted black mistresses because they secretly wanted to marry black but couldn't, wouldn't, because of this media influence of which you speak -- and additionally strong negative influence of the family. "What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?" Black women have always gotten a bad rap. When we emerged from slavery those who could pass for white were able to work. These women were able to take care of themselves and start families but had to shun -- at least in public -- their own own parents or aunts or uncles etc to keep their secret. Black women have had to be strong because black women are the spine of the family - always have been. Not because black men couldn't be but because of the fear that white men have always had of them for varied reasons many of which were B.S. and many of which were holdover images leftover from slavery days. Today, we have an Ivy League educated African American president with a beautiful African American wife, his preference. We have a person who is the son of an African and a White woman running the country. I would hope that this is evidence enough in the 21st century that we should all boldly ignore whatever crap the media portends to portray and go out and make our own preferred choices and find and love and care for whomsoever we will!!!

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  33.   Co_Co_Latte says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    TO JRLOCKS33: I totally understand what you are saying about dialects. My father's parents are from Barbados and Antigua and I grew up with my Antiguan grandmother. When her friends visited, they would fall into that Antiguan patois that neither my brother nor I could understand. However, I did develop a mild lilt in my voicings that comes out when I speak with other West Indians. But I, like you, am completely in the dark when I hear urban inner city Black Americans speaking street slang peppered with far too many curses for my taste. I cannot understand one single word. At all!!

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  34.   Co_Co_Latte says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    TO ROBERT GRIFFIN: Congratulations on following your hearts desire and marrying the woman who is obviously your soul mate. Your story is so beautiful and so sad - that your father cannot bring himself to love your children, the children that his own son helped to create. Perhaps there is something in your fathers past, something that happened to him or something that was ingrained in him from a youth that causes him to have such an aversion to Muslims. Once again, as I aforesaid, we cannot help who we are attracted to. In the end, we must find a way to please ourselves, to make ourselves happy. You clearly have a very deep and abiding love for this woman you married, stronger than anything you would allow your father to take away from you. You are blessed!

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  35.   Co_Co_Latte says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    Hello all - today is my first day with this site. Fairly correct article and very interesting posts - those I've read. Seems to be some truth in a lot of most of what is written here and clearly there hasn't been a study done (or if there has, I haven't seen it) that takes all of your quite varied experiences into account. I have a strong personality but not a gruff manner. White men who are interested either come right out with it or kind of dance around until they know that rejection is not an issue. We humans have no control over who we are attracted to or that element that makes us just crazy about someone we have just met or whatever. Life is too short for all the pretense. Be Nike: Just Do It!!

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  36.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    FearlessCrusader; We are all just people seeking Happiness .

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  37.   morninflower says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    Great posts! I especially loved Salsera77's! in particular you post on the worst and best cities for interracial couples! I think I need to move! :-) on a serious note though.. I just got back from vacation in Hawaii and I LOVED.. LOVED.. LOVED.. the hundreds of interracial couples that I saw! I know.. it's silly but it was a beautiful thing to see. The one thing that I do agree with from the article is the level of ignorance - (*on this site as well*) by people that will tend to look at my profile and simply because I speak 3/4 languages... I am up to something or want something? I have had guys send me flirts and once we get to know each other..for some reason...I am "less" of a human being because I am of African Decent (*now don't get me started on that whole "black African decent/non-African descent crap"! SIGH! A.N.Y.W.A.Y. :-) -- Great article :-) I just hope and pray that each of us finds that special someone :-) xoxo

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  38.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    Fkoi, Lololol, Ohhhhhh thanks, honey. What a nice compliment. This means that if I ever come out to Cali, I’ll want to Salsa, Merengue, Bachata, and Cha Cha Cha with YOU! Lol. It was Memorial Day Weekend and I couldn’t get off the dance floor all weekend. This was of course just fine with me! Pdubious, I mean confidence / boldness (in what you want and not caring what anyone else thinks about it). If that’s what you mean as I do, then I believe we’re on the same page in that respect. However, some white men may want to date black women but simply don’t have that confidence or boldness of character which is all I’m trying to get across. I prefer someone who is not wishy washy about his choice just because he may be afraid of racial issues but someone who is self-assured. As far as dating someone just because of any persecution from their own race, I don’t know people that do that either, Pdubious. I don’t get persecuted from my own race so I wouldn’t want a guy thinking he’s doing me any favors by dating me for that reason. About Hesitancy: Some momentary cautiousness is normal sometimes. Everybody feel this sometimes. Although too much shyness, playing it cool and aloofness can kill opportunities.

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  39.   prncess4ever says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    Wow. There are so many generalizations and stereotypes in some of these comments. I didn't think there would be anyone on this site expressing and BELIEVING those silly misconceptions. For one, ALL black woman are not strong, All asian or white women are weak and submissve. I also heard that asian men were not attractive or well endowed. All I can say is people are people. Each individual no matter what their race was created with differences. How is anyone going to honestly open up and give others a chance when you've already formed an opininion before you've had a conversation. I don't get it. Look I hope I haven't offended anyone but I just had to say something. Oh, and I know plenty of white men that are not "intimidated" to confront black women. At least that hasn't been my experience. Can't we all get to know if a person is kind, decent, hard working and is stable and secure. Those traits have no color attached to them.

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  40.   Olympian says:
    Posted: 28 May 09

    Society, surveys, and negative opinions are the reasons why people refrain from being happy with their prefered ethnicity for a mate. I don't buy into those surveys. They steriotype. I'm Italian, I guess I must be in the Mafia! I love women of color, the more assertive and strong the better. Most men want this as well, but are afraid of what will be said at the gossip center. Man up and go get the ethnicity of your heart's desire.

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  41.   FearlessCrusader says:
    Posted: 28 May 09

    Homesteader, it's easy to get confused with racial terminology. Examples: Honeykissed describes herself as half black, half Jewish, as though Judaism is a race rather than a religion; and Jews come in all colors! I once had the opportunity to live and work in South Africa; would that have made me an African american? A large number of the indigenous people lving in the Russian Caucasus region are black, so are they Caucasians or are they Negroes? I think this just goes to show how arbitrary and artificial it is to attempt pigeonholing human beings into racial stereotypes.

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  42.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 May 09

    Reading anothers ' comments I grow confused ; When people are classified as European American or African American does this denote they were born elsewhere and moved here to the United States of America ? Also I find that I am not the only one with multiple comments . And before I moved back home to stay , while I was on the streets of this Beautiful Nation of ours / I dated women of various heritages , ages 30 to 86 and tiny , small , medium and Large sizes of build . Just because of their Marvelously Magnificent personalities . I met a movie star at chat the other day also , Hehe . If you do not believe me - feel free to ask her as she also comments on Blog topics Thank you .

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  43.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 May 09

    P.S. Researchers really know only what they wish to show and tell , life is not just a bunch of numbers . It is us two being joined as One . Yes , I gave many answers / look again at the many questions being asked at the top of the page - be some so subtle in nature , still evident in my eyes . me being classified as " the dominant race " and my Beautiful wife classified as a " Strong Black woman " , Ria - you have again chosen to stereotype Us in print by others research values . We are just a woman and man in Love in our own thoughts . Someone should indeed moderate your selection of Media Influences Topics .

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  44.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 May 09

    The facts of life in our relationship have shown change in that 1st ; my younger brother who was a stanchly comitted Bigot gave us both his Blessing in our marriage and secondly ; All the people we have met in the last two years , have conversed with us like we were always friends . It might be the Happiness and laughter we exhibit in all the places we travel to . Other than very few in the beginning of our relationship - most look upon us as just friendly people . Might be that in the area we live in people are further advanced in mind and open in their belief of freedom of choice in who each marries . The weather down here seems more Pleasant than up North . And maybe those with negative beliefs just choose not to bother with altercations because of the time that would be wasted on Foolishness . Sometimes when I seem backward it may be that Life in our area has advanced beyond segregation in many ways . I have never really seen any problems in our match-up . Or maybe it is just that if others don't like us / We do not Care what others think . These days are Our life , We do not judge others .

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  45.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 26 May 09

    Raybo, I have no doubt that you are speaking from your experience. Mine is much different. I talk to folks who seem interesting to me. That covers a lot of ground ethnically, religiously, culturally, socio-economically and a bunch of other ally's. I date whom I date because I feel a connection to them. No one in my peer group has ever voiced anything but admiration for my choices, Black, White, Latina, Greek or etc. (except to say, "She's too good for you." but then I know a lot of wise a**es). It's true that I have lived mostly in more cosmopolitan cities than not and even the small towns I've live in had a college as the main attraction. It's also true that my peers tend not to be run of the mill idiots but rather intelligent and open-minded souls. I might be hesitant to approach a woman I am attracted to due to latent shyness on my part but that has little to do with how she looks on the outside but more to do with how I feel (on a given occasion) on the inside. A person who would not date someone for fear of peers' opinions would not be someone I would date. Salsera, I have seen you in full salsa regalia and it would surprise me to know that any man, at least any man who can salsa dance, wouldn't ask you to dance right away so that he wouldn't lose out to the next salsario in the joint.

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  46.   Lattelady says:
    Posted: 26 May 09

    It is obvious the aforementioned article struck a cord with some of the members on this site. I'm just wondering why the disproportion when it comes to the bloggers? I think what has been written (or blogged) was long overdue! Thank you bloggers for your wonderful thoughts and opinions...what insight, and allowing one to gain perspective!

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  47.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 26 May 09

    Retired , I have way too much time to spend at my computer . Truthfully , I married a women who wished to be with me from this site . She told me the other day that I needed to get a little color on my pale white legs , Hehe . We have been together over two years now and the reason we Love each other is because we are Honest Individuals / my Aunts and Uncles were always larger framed persons and until I started reading blog topic comments . There never seemed to me any difference in Nationalities in my extended family . I have 23 Aunts and Uncles and more cousins than I can count we are all married to persons of different hertitages . Suddenly , I have came to realize that people are all the same and imagine all this worry that I read of is entirely in an individuals own mind . Continually judging others for no apparent reason is what causes tension in life . Lighten up in your everyday thoughts and maybe racialism will someday seem like you have wasted your time in needless worry . My wife really didn't think about how white I was until I wore a pair of summer shorts . Now she has me wondering if maybe I really am to much caucasian . LOL .

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  48.   Pdubious says:
    Posted: 26 May 09

    It's not at all about boldness... it's all about paying close attention to who you may be dating and the confidence you have in yourself. I grew up in a part of the country where one didn't date black, brown or Asian women because of the persecution from their own races. The bigotry that exists in this country comes from what one was taught as a youngster and has been continued by our own self inflicted segregation. I paid attention to beauty and realized it comes from the inside first, regardless of race. I have found a preference in my company over the years, which just so happens to be a woman of flavor, and I think it is because they all tell me that a white man will treat them more of a lady than other cultures...and when us men find someone who appreciates us for what we do...we don't care if they are green...and a beautiful, happy sistah looks really good on my arm

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  49.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 25 May 09

    4realthough, you're welcome. raybo, I agree with you too. Although, I was a little surprised last night by the first guy that asked me to dance at a new salsa club here where I live when I first walked in. I'm thinking, whoa, what did I do differently? Nothing, I just showed up in a dress as always. Is this town a changin'? It would be nice if it was. In my experience, I've come to believe that it is geographically spotty in this country (in a city/town/state) where you'll find those esp. white men who will boldly and confidently date across racial lines (to date a black woman) without looking for validation from others. You might see one in fifty and that's because he was raised a certain way. With that boldness you might also get boldness in other parts of his personality too and this spills over to all parts of his life. I've experienced this with a friend. You get the whole enchilada with this strong person. This is good if they are the balanced in spirit too.

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  50.   Toree18 says:
    Posted: 25 May 09

    Robert, I admire you because not too many people would have the courage you do to marry not only out of you race but out of your culture and religious orientation also. If it's working well for you and your wife that's great, your father can not live your life for you. It's sad that he is missing out on all the love & joy he could be a part of with his grand kids, but it's his lost. Keep your chin up Robert and go on with your life, and remember it is your Dad's choice to not be a part of you and your's life.

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