The Confident Dater’s Prayer
The Serenity Prayer has been used all over the place. It's valuable for those recovering from addiction issues, but also used as a mantra for the overworked. Even some parents use it on a daily basis. Something else that requires serenity, acceptance and a good dose of prayer? Returning to the scary world of dating.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…
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You may not be a six-foot tall African queen or a golden Greek god. There are some things in your life that you will simply need to accept as true. Being confident on the dating scene means that you will need to accept yourself as you are. A recent study published in the Journal of Self and Identity shows that fulfillment in a relationship comes from not needing to maintain an image. Being comfortable with yourself is one step but having the person across the table like you as you for your authentic self is the definition of true romance. This is your ultimate goal.
The courage to change the things I can.
Change is good, but never completely change yourself for a date. Feeling confident on a date comes from highlighting your best features, not changing them. For example, if you have curly hair, play up your natural curls with a lightweight conditioner and hair oil to tame frizz. Instead of wearing layers of makeup, make your eyes pop with subtle colored contacts, like the enhancement tint contacts from Vision Direct. These will enhance your natural eye color, so the color is striking without looking too drastic or fake. Accepting the things that you can change comes with one important caveat: be nice to yourself. Compassionate goals trump self-image goals when it comes dating. Having compassionate goals, where you make a change because it is good for you and others, leads to less relationship anxiety.
And wisdom to know the difference.
Self-efficacy is a little different than self-confidence. When a person is self-confident, there is a global belief in the abilities. Self-efficacy is behavior or task specific. When you head out the door for your night out and the words “I got this” ring through your mind, that is self-efficacy. The two are related, but the difference is important. There is a certain amount of goal setting that needs to happen to get you successfully out into the dating world. Create a goal for yourself at each date then know in your core that you can hit it.
Living one day at a time…
Most people only know the first paragraph of the Serenity Prayer, but it has more. The second half talks about taking life one day at a time, enjoying every moment and accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Enjoy your night out even if you do not enjoy the person you are with. Not every date leads to marriage. Create a goal that tonight’s date is simply a great night out and expect nothing more or less. Be your rockin’ self and let God do the rest.
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