The passive victims of domestic violence
You don’t necessarily have to be on the receiving end to qualify as a victim.
Mercy, 34, grew up witnessing domestic violence. Her parents were very physical. When her dad left when she was around 7, it didn’t take long before mommy met abusive partner No.2.
Mercy’s step father was not only a physical abuser, but also an emotional one and a philanderer. He would bring his girlfriends to crash at their place. That is how low he thought of her mother and when her mum protested, he would hit her in front of his women. The final straw came when mom drew a knife on one of his women and she finally left.
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Looking back, Mercy explains how vicious the cycle of domestic violence is … especially to those who witness it in their homes. Her mum’s dad (grandpa) was both an alcoholic and an extremely violent man. And what her mum was doing all along was seeking such men in a bid to try and ‘fix’ them. Problem is, she ended up being the one getting fixed with fists.
Mercy started dating at 19 and most of her relationships were full of drama. She always looked for the bad boyz because she always wondered: why would a nice man want me? Her sister also got married to a man very much like her father, even after the mum tried to talk her out of it. She dumped him after 6 months of abuse and luckily, no children were involved to pick up on their violent marriage.
The point is; children have a way of looking up to their parents … relationships included. And as they grow up into adults, they end up believing that that is how relationships between spouses should be. Most adults who were exposed to violence as children, often end up as victims or perpetrators because that is the life they know. If you are in a violent relationship, then the time to walk away is now because once the children come, you will pass the violence on to them and end up screwing their future relationships.
Domestic violence is a vicious cycle and breaking it starts with you. Abusive relationships can sap your strength and erode your self esteem. But not if you take your life back in your hands and grab your freedom. You don’t want your children growing up thinking its ok to be beaten by a spouse or beat up a spouse. GET OUT NOW! Don’t make them passive victims.
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