This takes interracial dating issues to another level

Posted by Ria, 28 May 08

This black chick has a boyfriend who is white. And just as most interracial relationships, his grandfather is against interracial relationships. Well that isn’t all – he is the only parent the boyfriend has ever had and to add salt to injury, a member of the KKK (ku klux klan.

A girl is so much in love and the boy loves her same. BUT she doesn’t want to be the reason the boyfriend loses his only parent. How would you go about this one?

23 responses to "This takes interracial dating issues to another level"

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  1.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 10

    if i was in this situation, i'll be like honey, forget your grandpa or prepare to share your bed and your heart with him for the rest of your life! that you were raised with hate doesn't mean you grow up with hate in your heart. thats just an excuse people use when they are too spineless to speak the truth. if you were raised with hate, you grow up and see the world unfold infront of you, at that point its up to you to decide which path to take. you can only blame so much on parents and guardians on how they raised their kids. it always boils down to how well the kid absorbs the message and how much of that they put into practice. havent you heard of pastors daughter who got pregnant?or the principals child who got expelled because he bummed 2 grades? or bishops son who was sentenced to life for murder. my point? you can be raised amongst the holiest of all and still turn out a monster just the way you can be raised amongst a wolf pack and still turn out a kind hearted puppy. how you were raise does not necessarily determine how you will turn out!

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  2.   Wonka says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 10

    WOW!,this is a newby I've never heard anything like this.I'm very,very surprised that the boyfreind doe-sn't share the ideas as his father does.When your born into such a hateful environment it's very,very rare for that kid to NOT share the same ideas as does the parents,but,in this(the boyfreinds)case the father is the ONLY parent.I'm impressed by him and it shows that there are people in the world that can be different,you know-be of change!.I wonder how the boyfreind was able to except anyonelse outside his race,Why? not because of who raised him,but,because of the kind of person he was raised by!!! all he (the boyfreind)ever knew/saw was hate.However he did not let that deter what kind of person he wanted to be,and he knew what was right and wrong,I give him a HUGE thumbs up,and I wish him and his girlfreind SAFETY and HAPPINESS!,she has to be very,very care- ful though,this is a very dangerous situation and it seems like they love eachother,but,when ones safety is at RISK,love has to take a back seat even if it's for the time being,GOOD LUCK TO BOTH!!.

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  3.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 17 Feb 10

    Cannot change others / I put the Change in Myself . Yet I never felt any Dislike for people as We all have to do the same to Survive . I see neighbors who will never grow-up and realize the Errors of their ways . Seems to me it is Their life to live / We shall live Ours without them . What goes around comes around . Effluence runs downhill , Payday is Friday and even A-holes have Opinions . I met the Thieves , terriorists and vandals / who called themselves friends , Long before We got Together . And they were my own heritage . With this Cold snap / I hope their jail cells are warm , Hehe . God makes Winter to kill plant pests / Spring shall bring forth New Growth and only you can change for Betterment of Your Life . Summers coming and with it " Hurricane Season " / Totally no reason to Quit try ing to Enjoy . Last years plantings were eaten this past week or so / time was all it took to Enjoy Fresh picked winter crops .

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  4.   Jello says:
    Posted: 17 Feb 10

    Sorry to say ths but this KKK father figure ISNT going to change.Nothing u can do will make him change. You either dmp him and move on or he disowns his family.Theres no other options. Dont raise a child in this family.PLZ.

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  5.   Enigma64 says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 09

    r u kidding that you were stationed in AL for a year and didn't see anyone that had a problem with black guys dating white girls there? r u kidding or were you drunk the whole time? In AL? r u kidding? There's just no way they are that liberal there. As to this article, and a few others...Ria get on the real tip. I know this is an interracial site, but dogg! You are starting to sound like Tyra with these inane topics. Can't you focus a bit more on actual dating topics as opposed to making everything a blk/wht or interracial issue? It seems you are stretching reason to get a topic to post here and make it interracial. If a story like this WERE grounded in reality, I would still have a problem believing that a black woman would even entertain the idea of dating someone who comes from that background, especially knowing what the KKK is capable of. I mean unless this young woman is retarded, or has been living in a foreign country all her life and knows nothing of the KKK, it's just not believable that she would risk her life and possibly those of her family to even entertain the idea of going out with the son of a clansman. Living in AL, the heartland of racism and KKK activities in this country; would dictate that she would have more sense because black men are still getting lynched in those areas, black women are still getting raped, and black churches are still getting bombed; and there's enough info about it in the news and online for her, as a resident of that area to know about. If it were true, I'd advise her and her friend to get themselves a Rod Stewart song, and hop a train bound for nowhere to strike out on their own and be together. Maybe he's got a "fast car," and they can get away that way, and perpetuate their love in some other berg or state. Peace and blessings.

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  6.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 08

    This is ridiculous. I was stationed in alabama for over a year. Many of the black soldiers dated the white girls down there. I don't recall any problems from the locals. I'm sure some white guys didn't like seeing it just like some black guys don't like seeing black women with white guys. What's your point? There will always be some kind of prejudice in this world. People when they are unhappy will look for one. Period. As long as they don't hurt anybody or harass you then you should just ignore them. I know of a couple in which the african american boyfriend had the racist problem. He didn't want anything to do with her family. He wanted her to cut off ties. So what should that girl do then? She chose the boyfriend in the end. This situation is different...the grandfather has the problem...if this boy loves this girl then he needs to stick with his heart and be with her and respect her. Then tell his grandfather to get over it or end up having limited contact with him. Adults should be allowed to be with whomever they choose to be with. Family has to accept it. They can't and shouldn't deny their children's happiness. I think if he had a heart to heart with his grandfather...the old guy might accept it and if he doesn't ...well then...have limited contact with the grandfather. Or end the relationship and hope that he's lucky enough to find another love of his life ..or end up being alone.

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  7.   Hope says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 08

    I was reading this because one day I thought I'd write my story about me dating black men, from the south, prejudice family etc..... I know many struggle who choose to be in interracial relationships but I refuse to give in to the short minded people. I once dated a black man for 7 years. Awesome man! We never met each other's parents. Mainly, we were so into each other it was never an issue. My sisters met him but still had a problem with it. Our breakup has been a great loss for everyone. Many years down the line, I met another black man. My sisters told my mother so I had a nice gentle talk with her. She didn't call me as much once she found out but I did not let that stop me. My friends are my family. They know me best and who I am. It sadden me to think I could never share him with my family. My Mom thought I was doing this for the experience........she really doesn't know a person's heart. She actually tried to use her Bible teachings to justify her reasons. I headed that off because the God I know is the same God she taught me about growing up. I'm a strong Christian woman and hate to feel such animosity against my family but they won't even give it a chance. The part someone wrote about how they sometimes become accepting after marriage or children...isn't that amazing! Unfortuntely, some do not and they really miss getting to know great people. I understand the concern of KKK. They even scare me. I've often wondered if my family was ever involved. I'm from the south and my uncles from Alabama....so I would not be surprised but I hope I never find out. I think the white race has been disrespectful to other races long enough. Its time the "oldies" get on board or just behave and let people live their lives and be happy with whomever God has chosen for them. Like I said to my family, I am not asking them to do the same, just accept me for who I am and learn to accept others and know its not about skin color. I understand this couples struggle and yes all the varibles have to be known in order to give advice. :)

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  8.   ebont_love says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 08

    501Venus, i find your views to be peculiar and naive. obviously, you have never been to picayune mississippi, or jasper texas. the boogieman you speak of is nothing but the embodiment of fear and ignorance, which you may feel very different when that fear and ignorance stand before very much alive and lynching (a little smirk there).

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  9.   poetlove26 says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 08

    she should leave for her own safety, and why are all my comments flagged

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  10.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 10 Jun 08

    Ms222sweet, exactly...organizations like KKK, Nazi, Stormfront etc..are such from the birth beliefs...I don't think I would risk my own safety to give a second chance and I also believe alot of these people have change their views...But that is too high risk and I am just not willing to swing from a tree to find out...If I was this young lady...Sorry man find someone else for your "stepping out moment". I have roots from Arkanasas, so I know fully aware what these KKK rallies consist of and their training grounds as well...However they are all over the US... I dated this guy once and when I invited him to Arkansas for a family gathering...Man he was nervous and did not want to go...He told me, I hear they are not to big on interracial dating..I told him I have more to fear than you, so you better keep up LOL...Although, I was somewhat amazed at how scared he was...Every White person he had seen made him nervous...I told him look, every White person wearing overalls, doesn't mean you are going to have a "deliverance moment"...Besides kkk folks, you will know when you see them and their children...

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  11.   Ms222Sweet says:
    Posted: 08 Jun 08

    I'm with you on this one oldschool56 and Nandi. And to add to your comment Nandi, I would not date someone from that background...for me that background includes someone with ties to the KKK, the mob or any type of gang. It's hard to shake free of one of those types of relationships, and when one tries, one usually ends up dead.

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  12.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 08

    fkoi, I am with you also...I would never date anyone from that background...It would have been more like hello and good bye....That type of ingrained gut felt hatred doesn't go away overnight and I am definitely not anyone "pet experiment" neither...So, too much baggage and serious ones for me to deal with...

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  13.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 08

    oldschool, I am with you on this....For all we know this Black young lady could be walking into a set-up...

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  14.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 08

    BTW, comparing homosexuality to racism is two totally different case scenarios; especially for this ridiculous story...Who knows if someone walking down the street is a homosexual or not, unlike KKK who definitely could tell if one was Black of not...

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  15.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 08

    This is another ridiculous story Ria...Even if it is true (which I doubt)...Love and hate can never be friends..So if this is true...This young man would know what to do, now this "black chick"...Ria, gotta learn a more respectful term than chick? She is out of her mind to believe such ingrained racism an a card holding kkk rally going family member...That everything is going to work out just fine... No Ria "most interracial relationship" are not met with this type of disapproval...Come on now She should be more concerned about what his grandpappie and follow klusters will do to her, than coming between grandfather and grandson...And who are you fooling...If this young man was raised with his grandfather, he definitely has attended some rallies himself...So this young man knows the disapproval and the potential dangers he has place his love of his life in... Quoting Tina Turner "What does love have to do with it.... There is no other way to go about this, than to marry someone his grandfather would approve and keep turning blind eye to generational hatred, or remove himself from his grandfather and move away from this grandfather as well.... Although, I have to be honest...I do not believe you Ria and this story....

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  16.   oldschool56 says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 08

    When did the boyfriend stop attending kkk rallies and finally decide he wanted to date a black woman? You all really believe this story? Especially since the boyfriend has only been raised by his grandpa and grandpa is a KKK member? Come on you know how that goes..depending on his age, which if he is 18-25 his last rally attendance was probably last year..and all of a sudden he loves a black woman? I dont buy it at all. And for the record my boyfriend is white..

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  17.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 30 May 08

    Others have addressed the question of the age/independence level of the participants, so I'll leave that alone. Trying to live a relationship in the closet makes no sense to me whatsoever. If a parental figure/friend/co-worker/neighbor disapproved of my lifestyle, it wouldn't be the first time. I would really have to question someone whose grandfather was a member of the KKK however. Without a constant effort to combat it, people become more like their influences over time. It would be difficult for me to embrace someone brought up by someone who embraced a philosophy dedicated to hating me before they ever knew that I existed.

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  18.   501venus says:
    Posted: 29 May 08

    It is not any difference in comparing someone who is not accepting of homosexuality, to not accepting someone of a different race. People are not accepting based on backgrounds, experience, and, religious teachings. It is not dangerous, prejudices happen for a wide variety of reasons and issues. Homosexuality during the early part of the century was kept secret and private, it was never exposed publicly. What was the danger? They would be lynched, tormented, shunned, and ostracized. What was and is the danger of someone dating outside of their "accepted" race? They can be lynched, tormented, shunned and ostracized. Mixed relationships did not suddenly occur in this time. Since slavery there has been romantic involvements with slaves, freed colored and Whites. Many of us here in the country that are Afro-Americans are mixed. What the difference in this case is that two people willingly choose to make public their dating. Public acknowledgements of anything (announcing someone is gay, being single and pregnant, divorcing someone popular within the family, being an alcoholic or gambling) can bring out a wide variety of emotions and opinions that are anticipated and unpredicatable. One does not know what will happen until it happens. KKK was a very strong and prominant force in life in America during the last century and beginning of this one. Its power was diluted by people standing up for their rights and, the fact that many broke away from the bonds. Time and experience with someone can change a person's heart. That word "can" is a big variable. Sometimes, in-laws can't stand the spouse until a baby is born and then people unify. Sometimes, the gap remains intact. Racism still exists in the U.S. However, compared to where it was 200 years ago to now, there has been a change in mind for many people towards others of different races and creed. How and why change took effect, was tolerance was developed being exposed to different individuals. Moreover, people staying to their convictions and values and not bending to negative input. Dangerous? Stalkers, abusive husbands are dangerous they are a known a real threat. Is the KKK dangerous? It can be, I am not disputing that, however, you know what, many don't know how and who are in the KKK. It very well could be a coworker, a supervisor, a teacher, a coach, a friend's parent, even, a next door neighbor. Labeling someone in the KKK is like labeling the boogieman. The boogieman is a danger, but if you treat it with fear it becomes even bigger and worse a threat than you suspect. We all have been living around boogiemen all of our lives. Many growing up in the U.S. over the last 100 years grew up around and within communities that had active KKK members living and working among them. The Black people that were the first to go to integrated schools, and work had to face death threats from the KKK. If someone hadn't taken a stand and stayed by their convictions, there would be no dating site, and no interactions whatsoever. I as a Black woman would be limited in my interactions, my work environment and living arrangements. Yes, I will compare gay coming out to dating someone of another race, because there will be people that vehemently deny the parties to be what they want to be, will be extremely negative towards the other party involved and may cause disruptions to keep them separate. Gays have been killed, tortured and ridiculed. So, there is a comparison that any group outcast has the ability to be compared when they are segregated.

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  19. Posted: 29 May 08

    Like 501venus said, there are a lot of variables to consider. But it is a potentially dangerous situation. I'd say, as long as the grandfather isn't in a position of power, they'll probably be ok. If they want to be sneaky they can just avoid telling him for a while. But it really depends whether we're talking about two people out on their own, or high school kids living at home.

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  20.   bahiana828 says:
    Posted: 29 May 08

    I think comparing a family who 'came around' to the fact that their son or daughter is homosexual is completly different to someone being in the klu klux klan..thats a very dangerous situation for that young women to put herself in for the name of 'love'!

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  21.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 28 May 08

    What a sad situation....I feel for both of them. Perhaps he can put him in an old folks home like in Monster's Ball. If only life was as easy as the movies.

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  22.   501venus says:
    Posted: 28 May 08

    There are so many variables, how old are the boyfriend and girlfriend? Do they live in the same community as the grandfather? Does the boyfriend live on his own away from his grandfather's monetary support? If the boyfriend is separated on his own, mature to stand on his own two feet, then I think it is a matter of holding to one's convictions and values. As time goes by, the more the grandfather sees how happy and well his grandson is in the relationship, the less he can criticize the situation. It is difficult and there will be a lot of intensity on the part of the grandfather, sometimes time and distance even age can change how people feel. That may not happen, but it could. This can be compared to many that are gay and had to come out to their families. The families may not have liked it and in fact resisted it, but as we see, many gays have become accepted in mainstream and have gone on to be prominant in the media and in many professions. The stigma for many is still there and there is a lot of resistance. One has to follow their heart and convictions. That is hard to do for many, but it is not "love" that they are following, but the ability to "love" who they want within the morals, values and laws of the state. We are not asking someone to be accepting of someone falling in love with a goat. We are asking someone to be accepting of someone of another creed, race, and history. It is the same species, but many have problems with that. In fact, it is hard for many to accept some of the same race, because of personality and economic status. So, there will be those out there that will find fault with someone for something. One has to be able to have peace within themselves and answer their own questions. We live this life for ourselves. We are born alone and will die alone. The part inbetween is for us to establish positive relationships, that boyfriend can't live his life for his grandfather, and the grandfather sure didn't live his life for his grandson. They share a certain history but not their entire life, mind, dreams and goals.

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  23.   jewel65 says:
    Posted: 28 May 08

    If the parent really and truly loves his grandson, then he would have some respect for the guy's ability to choose a soulmate, and the family relationship would not be lost. However, I suspect that any member of the KKK is too full of hatred to ever be able to love properly, and so the guy is better off without the grandad. I have great respect for this young man for being able to make up his own mind, and to love a person that he was brought up to hate. I wish him and his girlfriend the very best of luck in a difficult world.

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