Virgins: Curse or Blessing?

Posted by Ria, 03 Sep 08

virgins.png

Case 1: “Ever since I told the guy I met the other day that I am a virgin, he never picks my calls,” went my 31-year-old pal Christie.

Case 2: “Why does the guy I’m seeing like me more since I told him I was a virgin?” That one I got from some dating advice blog. The dude suddenly fell in love and kept saying the chick completes her. The chick suddenly freaked out and is contemplating ending the relationship for good.

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Some men respect a woman who is a virgin. Well some usually see virgins as a bother. “How do you start teaching a 31-year-old the tricks of the trade? I don’t understand why I should be with a chick that has no sexual experience whatsoever,” went another pal of mine – a dude – on hearing Christie is still a virgin. Someone said being with a virgin is like teaching your secretary to type when you are used to secretaries who can type 75wpm. :lol:

Thing is, it’s not easy to have a moral code that is not in sync with majority of the world. Virginity can be a selling point like in Case 2. But much as it is a selling point, is ok to suddenly decide you are in love just because the chick you are dating is a virgin?

I’d understand why one would prefer the ‘untouched’. Its common psychology – better have the new car instead of an old one. But then again the same psychology plays to the double standard – you are that shiny apple at the top of the tree that a guy is scrambling to climb. So what happens after the first bite? Is Case 2 dude sincere?

I have looked at both cases above and to me, both seem to have downsides. Is being a virgin a curse or a blessing in the dating arena? Someone, tell its good side. I aint one so I could be subconsciously justifying why I am not. ;-)

54 responses to "Virgins: Curse or Blessing?"

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  1.   Member says:
    Posted: 20 Feb 10

    For me, it does noit matter if the other person is a virgin. I am a virgin, and EVERY single woman my age is not. Every woman I know of whom I went to college or high school with has had sex. I want to measure up with them; I do not want to be inferior to them. That is why losing my virginity is so important to me.

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  2.   van21 says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 09

    virgins, mmmmmmh, i thinks i would rather not date a virgin, its juz freaking, en what the hell would i be doing with him, for me not being a virgin doesnt mean you are rotten. and also the age matters alot alot.

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  3. Posted: 15 May 09

    I could never be with a virgin. I read some the comments about people shying away because there's no possibility of sex. For me, that never crossed my mind. I have every confidence that we'll have sex but not pressed if it doesn't happen. My fear is takin responsibility for the other's emotions. That's too much for me. I remember my first, how clingy and needy and awe-struck I was, that desparation I felt whenever we fought and how I compared my early subsequent boyfriends to him. I was basket case! I don't want anyone wanting me in that way. Being that caught up as if the sun rose and set with me. And I'm not being egomaniacal about this. I know how I felt and I wouldn't wish it on another. I don't want that responsibility of catering to every emotion a virgin would have for me. And it would happen. I do not believe that a person who loses their virginity can handle the emotional attachment that is created at first. It takes time for the emotions to stabilize and catch up with the rational part of the brain. And what am I to do in the mean time? I want a partner that has control of himself. I don't want the other person to always compare me to others just because I was the first. Or to set the standard for every relationship he has later on. That's too much for me. I've had this scenario happen a few times and as soon as I found out, I walked away. I will not take a man's virginity. I'd tell him that we may happen the future after he's experienced life a little or alot more.

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  4.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 09

    What Why Where Fresh ? Sorry at my age , income level have grown to Enjoy day old Bread . When we go to sleep at night , being married almost two years now . I have forgotten when I lost my Virginity Decades ago . The shirt at the top of the page states ; Save a VIRGIN do me instead , Now what was the Question . The Aztec calendar ; States the End of the World on 12/24/12 . Don't wait to long .

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  5.   yupiyupi says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 09

    what!why would someone not like a fresh fiance(e)?

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  6.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 09

    Enjoy who you are , Somethings in Life can only be Lost Once / Blessed be those that Wait . Love is more than just Sex , Feelings for that Special Person take time to Grow .

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  7.   web says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 09

    being a virgin is hard in these days and time. You can't really dat because everyone wants sex. and then if you tell them you are they back off. i am a tomboy but i am interested in boys. and those two together dont mix. i jus say da hell wit it n im jus gone b dolo n get money. bump sex. i ain got no kids n im out here doing me.it hurts because society has labels. but long as i kno im a good woman daz all dat matters. but it still hurts. i wish society would make it acceptable not only for virgins, but tomboys. because im black and both. so u kno its hard for me. especially with all this hip hop music. where every song is about a model or a stripper with a fine body who is sexually active. i feel as if there is no hope. but i will b ok. ill b gay or whateve people think when dey see me. i aint gone worry bout it no mo. its cool.

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  8.   neenee89 says:
    Posted: 26 Mar 09

    Being a virgin myself and in college I know for me it can be both a blessing and a curse. Guys are either too fascinated by the fact that they might be the one to deflower you, or they are completely turned off because they know that there is no possibility of sex. Now I'm not a virgin for religious reasons per say, but more so for my own peace of mind, it doesn't even have to do with my own personal morals. I just want the man I marry to be the one person I give my body to, I want him to be the only person to know me in that way. And those of whom who comment on the lack of experience virgins have, need to understand that if you love someone, the fact they aren't sexually experienced shouldn't deter you. I feel not having sex allows for a couple to better get to know each other. Even if the sex isn't the cataclysmic experience you first expected, if you love that person, you'll both be willing to teach and learn how to please each other. Sex isn't like love, with love you either do or you don't. Sex is something that can be practiced and developed, there is no need to rush. Another point I'd like to address is the fact that some people feel that just because someones a virgin they are naive in all things sexual, and that's so not true. I may be a virgin but I probably know more about sex then some people who've been having sex for years. I'm a naturally curious person, and in my opinion a very sexual person who just hasn't yet fully experienced that aspect of a relationship. I'm not afraid of sex, or shy about my body, or the experience. Being in this day and age virgins are more aware of what sex is about,and are willing to wait. I'm not against marrying a nonvirgin man, because then at least one of us will know EXACTLY what to do (hopefully lol), but I also wouldn't mind marrying a virgin because we could teach each other and experiment with what we've heard and learned. Either way, virgin, or not the sex can be bad, but it's your love for each other that will allow you to look past that and develop a healthy satisfying sex life with your partner. All I'm saying being a virgin is a choice that is a curse only in the aspect that there is sometimes pent up sexual frustration, or the feeling like your never gonna find love because your not willing to let someone test drive and add some mileage to your meter. But the blessings far more out weighs the curses because when you find the person willing to wait, then you know that love is strong.

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  9.   huggamouse says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 09

    Whew! Sometimes it feels like I'm the only virgin left on the planet. I remember being in fifth grade and hearing the girls brag about having had sex. (My mom said it wasn't true, but one of them ended up pregnant soon after and another contracted an infection.) This was when I was ten, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. That's how immersed our culture is in sex nowadays. Personally, I'm saving it till marriage, and if I don't get married, oh well, I'm just SOL. And I'm glad I kept with that idea even when I wasn't so big on religion or morals. I am kind of glad that I learned the consequences early-on. Of course it's getting harder and harder. Even my parents think there's something wrong with my not having had a boyfriend. Sometimes I just feel like grabbing some guy off the street just to get them off my back. But still, abstinence is my choice, I don't see any sort of pressure or rebellion in it. I just know myself and that if I chose to have premarital sex, I'd regret it forever. That isn't to say it's bad, it's just not for me. As for male virgins, I have yet to meet one, but I think they get considerably more flak for being a virgin, or even being abstinent. It's kind of bad, because guys can get hurt by this too. They may not get pregnant or anything but I'm pretty sure they have feelings of their own. Oh, I guess I just danced around the point. I don't know if being a virgin is a curse or a blessing. It's hard to keep the sexual frustration in check as a virgin, but on the other end it's hard to deal with the problems that can crop up from this. Personally, I've never even been asked out on a date, or to dance or anything like that, so the big V question never popped up. I hope that even if I do decide to randomly change my mind that it will be far enough into the relationship that my virginity alone isn't a deal breaker. It shouldn't be in the first place. After all, a virgin can know just as much or more than a non-virgin. It all depends on his/her past circumstances. And 47 years? Wow! You go girl!

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  10.   brerrabit says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 09

    For the longest time I had no opinion whatsoever about virginity, good or bad. I was not interested in dating someone who was overly promiscuous but that is not the subject here. Virginity mattered very little to me until the day I was talking to a young woman that I liked very much. We were not dating at the time but we were interested and kind of talking about the possibility of dating. She became very nervous and said that there was something that she had to let me know about. I asked what and she told me that she was a virgin. I honestly did not know what to say but as we talked about it and I understood why she was and what she had experienced as a result of her decision (she was 33, so virtually all of her friends were experienced), I began to really respect her decision. She went on to tell me that many of the guys that she dated freaked out when she told them (she half expected me to do the same, especially since she knew I was not a virgin). She carefully explained the reasons and we were very honest and open with each other about how we felt about it. We grew tremendously closer as a result and we began dating. Eventually we married and I am still married to her (we actually met on this site). People talk about sex bringing people closer but I can tell you from experience that nothing brings you closer than being able to share that gift with each other. My only regret is that I was unable to share my virginity with her as well. And regarding the concerns of sexual compatibility or experience causing a problem, all I can say is that we have a very active and happy sex life. This is not meant to endorse either being a virgin or sexually active, just presenting my personal story.

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  11.   True_Lady99 says:
    Posted: 13 Dec 08

    I am 26 years old and I am still a virgin. It is really hard at times because sex is every where you look. It seems like sex is driven by the world these days. As for me I made the decision to remain a virgin because I want to give my husband (whom ever he maybe) something that I have never given anyone else. My beliefs plays a huge part of my decision to remain a virgin until I'm married but at the same time I do not look down upon people who are not virgins and make the decision to have sex because not everyone believe the way I believe and I respect that. I think it takes a lot of strength, patience, and virtue to be a virgin because of temptations and the long waiting (very long!) lol. But in the end I believe it will all be well worth it! I do agree that the guys who lose interest in you because you are a virgin are doing you a big favor because it takes the pressure off of the virgin and that can be for the guy as well or non-virgin. I know it is not easy for someone who is not a virgin to be with a virgin because they are put in a position to decide whether they are willing to sacrifice sex until marriage or until their partner is ready. But if that's your belief, stand your ground and do not let anyone make you feel like you will be worthless or are worthless. If he is willing to wait on you then that's a keeper. Virginity is something very special and it is hard to find a man who is willing to wait (not saying there isn't any out their). Just as it brings people closer together, it can bring drama too. I don't know from experience obviously but I have seen it happen plenty of times. Unexpected pregnancies and STD's,...Just be wise and responsible with your decisions .

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  12.   tdrom says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 08

    Its funny how the world, and everyone in it, does not see the forest for the trees. Since I'm not a dude, gladly so, I could only speculate at this time. But probably on the reasons why guys are sorta turned off by the virgin status is that its a lot of pressure to be the first. Vice versa, if its for a guy as well. If you have a partner who is a virgin, you're pretty much the one setting the benchmark. Everyone person afterwards is going to be compared to you, and well lets hope the first is the best =) At the same time, from a virgin's perspective, its equally hard for the person to not want someone who is more experienced, especially if you are in an older age group. Because realistically, thats all one will encounter. People who like virgins, seem to like them because their of "purity" and at times, their willingness to learn to "catch up", but for virgins its like, you are actually a clean slate and having to settle with someone who might have, depending on how many people they slept with (ever heard of six degrees of separation people?), slept with your best friend, that girl you chatted with in the Starbucks line, and that person you hate at Walmart. Its an eerie feeling. Such a troubled world, but such a great topic to discuss!

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  13.   bikerdude says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 08

    damn 47 and a virgin that a record

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  14.   visible01 says:
    Posted: 23 Oct 08

    SnazzyBella, you still have the million dollar smile, and you made an interesting point. I didn't hear too much conversation about virginity as a vocation. Rather, the discussion appears to center around whether virginity is compatible with one's own interests.

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  15.   bikerdude says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 08

    I feel it is a personal choice to have sex or not have sex. personally i think that a person should wait to have sex until married. My views have chancjed since i had lost my virginity at a young age. If we all waited til marriage there would be fewer single mothers , and less std's

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  16.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 08

    I know I am late checking in on this subject. I hope it is not too late (it is for my virginity). There was no doubt that I was going to have sex before marriage when I was a young man. I was not religious and there seemed no reason not to do so. I did think I would marry the woman who was my first (interestingly, I was not her first). That was probably true with my second as well. In fact, I would say that I was in love with most of the women I've had sex with (my numbers do not compete with Wilt Chamberlain or Fidel Castro). Were I to meet and be interested in a woman today (and I'm certainly willing, so I better finish this up and get to meetin') and she told me she is a virgin, I would be intrigued. I wouldn't say that she would be less interesting to me. And I wouldn't say that she would be more. If she has a strong ethical basis for her decision, I would support that. Naturally, if she were age-appropriate for me, her virginity would be a considerable anomaly in this day and age. If our relationship developed into a love that led to sex, I would celebrate the fact that she feels that way...and that I do. On the other hand, if I met a woman for whom sex was as common and as meaningful as shaking hands, well I might not want to shake hands with her. My friend laugh_sailor's boating comparison is interesting (and funny) but not necessarily salient (Hey, you're not the only one with puns). If you get to know a person, you are going to have a pretty good idea if they know their way around the kitchen, even if they never cook you a meal. If they are interested and teachable, you won't have to worry about going hungry. That's my analogy and I'm sticking to it.

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  17.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 08

    I am a virgin ! All 3 of my kids were created via slingshot or turkey baster. My idea of sexual experiences are collectively created by watching National Geographic, Animal PLanet and that old woman on the cable channel who loves fondling those toys while repeating the word 'penis' blatantly. If I found out that someone was a virgin, I would hope that it was by word of mouth and not by what they did with their mouth. That would be awful to be in the position of having your pants to the ground and someone lacking skills, unbeknownst to you. I have nightmares of a pencil sharperner destroying girth....WOW I don't think I could handle being a virgin or being with a virgin. Don't worry people... after typing all that....I am already repenting. Thanks for your concern.

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  18.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 08

    I am a virgin ! All 3 of my kids were created via slingshot or turkey baster. My idea of sexual experiences are collectively created by watching National Geographic, Animal PLanet and that old woman on the cable channel who loves fondling those toys while repeating the word 'penis' blatantly. If I found out that someone was a virgin, I would hope that it was by word of mouth and not by what they did with their mouth. That would be awful to be in the position of having your pants to the ground and someone lacking skills, unbeknownst to you. I have nightmares or pencil sharperner destroying girth....WOW I don't think I could handle being a virgin or being with a virgin. Don't worry people... after typing all that....I am already repenting. Thanks for your concern.

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  19.   SnazzyBella says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 08

    OKAY, get off your soapboxes people! I waited to marriage before having sex because its FORNICATION otherwise. NO one is mentioning that i see. HMMMMMM. STOP ponitificating on this subject and make your own choices and not base your sexual decisions on a man or a woman. Make it based on yourself. DUH!!!!!!!!

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  20.   Reagan45 says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 08

    IAM LOOKING FOR LOVE

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  21.   tammy83 says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 08

    At the end of the day if the man you were dating didn't like the fact that you were a virgin...then it was not meant to be. I agree nowdays this culture is about having everything today..not waiting. It is an individual choice and the right man will respect you for it all the others they are not compatiable to you at all. You clearly both have different values and that should instantly tell you this man is not for you or girl. Don't follow the crowd, follow your heart and what you believe is right for you because it's your body not theirs. There are only a minority of virgins out there and only a minority of good men and women...wait for the good ones...Your worth more than than pleasing someone to meet their sexual needs. Be true to yourself.

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  22.   Pia65 says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 08

    I was a virgin until I got married at 27. Now that I'm a widow, I find that most of my friends are divorced and on their second or third marriage!!! We live in an instant world where no one seems to want to wait for anything.........I think that's kind of sad because anything worth having is still truly worth waiting for...As the saying goes something like this...."Haste makes waste." I don't for a moment think that being a virgin is a curse of any kind...I think jumping from bed to bed is!!! It can cause all kinds of hurt, pain, etc. I've recently started dating again and I will be taking my time....No ones going to tell me "let me try you out". Like I'm a car to test drive!!! Oh yes on one date that's what the guy had the nerve to say to me....this was a first date and he said it in context of what he wanted to do on our second date!!! He's never going to see a second date with me...That was just plain tacky!!! I'd been married for nearly 20 years so there's no need for him to "test me"...Everything works...if I was that bad I'm sure I wouldn't have been married a year! Finally, I'd like to say take your time and don't like anyone decide what's best for you.

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  23.   Khweli says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 08

    @ Artiecraft your words are like music to my ears right now, im in tune with where you coming from :) At the end of the day a virgin is still a virgin and its either youll except her or him for who they are and give the union a chance to blossom.

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  24.   Artiecraft says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 08

    I can remember in high school and college having the question of virginity discussed among male friends in the typical dormitory "bull" sessions about dates. I wondered then, as I wonder now, why virginity was an issue for discussion. If I meet a new female friend and the friendship evolves into a "dating" relationship, I have never felt it my place to delve, let alone judge, into her past. The decisions she made in her past were appropriate at the time, just as the decisions she will make in our relationship will be appropriate. I can neither change the past nor would I want to. People come into our lives as they are, molded and shaped by their previous experiences, just as I am so molded and shaped. Beyond the immediate physical attraction, if a friendship/relationship evolves it's, most likely, because of that past and for that I'm grateful, whether the past is one of experience or abstinence. What happens AFTER we meet is far more important than what happened before.

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  25.   Sunflower says:
    Posted: 15 Sep 08

    And I freaking agree with Bellara. Also, nobody talks about male virgins, I know quite a few and some people make fun of this idea. I don't find anything funny or strange about that.

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  26.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 15 Sep 08

    If virginity is a deal breaker for a guy/girl during a relationship then that relationship was never meant to be.Virginity can never and should never be considered a curse(so long as it's a choice made by the virgin him/herself).In most cases, guys that are turned of by virgins are usually guys who think with their "other head".A solid relationship is based on affection/compassion and decency.Because any decent compassionate human been with an ounce of affection in them will know that sex is only a branch to a relationship but not the root of it.Not trying to change anybody's take on the topic,just voicing out my "HUMBLE" opinion.

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  27.   stormin13 says:
    Posted: 14 Sep 08

    Am newcomer to this site. All have good answers. As an older male with mature aged daughter..I would like to make this comment: Virginity is a Spiritual and Emotional position. One could have had one intimate moment once or even sparingly over a long periode of time. Players that have indiscriminate sex often will desensitive themselves ..to that unbelievable aspect of truly making love and touching each others heart and soul. I look for that moment of "Innocense and Magic" which comes from truly absorbing oneself in the others psyche soul and feelings. I look for "Spiritual Virgin" as an aspect of my romantic nature. I have told friends "I am back in Jr. High" LOL, when it comes to dating. Hope my comments have some relevancy to the forum.

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  28. Posted: 11 Sep 08

    My opinion is that in terms of character, a virgin is to be prefered, all other things being equal, and even when some of the other things are not in favour of the virgin. For a fully developed and healthy human being to shun all temptaions and refrain from illicit sex untill the appropriate time is a feat to be commended. It shows discipline and considrable control over ones emotions. And this is a desirable quality in a all kinds of relationships.

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  29.   ladyaly says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 08

    being a virgin is neither a curse nor a blessing. it's just something that the person chose. If it's a blessing then we were all blessed at one point in life because we all were virgins before we are master of sex. if virgin is a curse, then we were all cursed at one time, the unvirgin ones get lucky by breaking that curse. a guy who doesn't call a girl after she tells him she is a virgin; that guy is a moron. a guy who likes a girl more because she is a virgin, that guy have one thing in mind, oh yay i will finally be someone's first. Heck i was a virgin until i was 18 now i am 26, i was proud to be a virgin, i was happy that no one pressured me, and i didn't tell any guy i was, i didn't want to influence anyone by saying that and have him stick with me because of that. Now, i am not a virgin, and i have a beatiful 4 years old little boy to proud that, so if not being a virgin is bad i am guilty, if not being a virgin is good, then i am lucky...lol..... any ways i said my little piece.

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  30.   ladyaly says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 08

    being a virgin is neither a curse nor a blessing. it's just something that the person chose. If it's a blessing then we were all blessed at one point in life because we all were virgins before we are master of sex. if virgin is a curse, then we were all cursed at one time, the unvirgin ones get lucky by breaking that curse. a guy who doesn't call a girl after she tells him she is a virgin; that guy is a moron. a guy who likes a girl more because she is a virgin, that guy have one thing in mind, oh yay i will finally be someone's first. Heck i was a virgin untill i was 18 now i am 26, i was proud to be a virgin, i was happy that no one pressured me, and i didn't tell any guy i was, i didn't want to influence anyone by saying that and have him stick with me because of that. Now, i am not a virgin, and i have a beatiful 4 years old little boy to proud that, so if not being a virgin is bad i am guilty, if not being a virgin is good, then i am lucky...lol..... any ways i said my little piece.

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  31.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 08

    Dazy, You are very right..we are in a different world all together.

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  32.   Dayzlaloka says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 08

    Personally, I don't think that the fact of a woman being a virgin or not should even really matter in a relationship; especially if you truly love the woman. Long gone are the days when the majority of the female population are anti-premarital sex. Nowadays, it's extremely rare to find a female that is still a virgin and since men are the ones that are responsible for the "deflowering," they should be well aware of the fact that there aren't many virgins out there. And they should already be well used to the idea that the woman they fall for may not be a virgin, but that doesn't mean that you should love her any less. There's like a 99% that the male isn't a virgin himself, and the women don't hold that against them, so why should the males do that to the women? That seems pretty sexist or better yet hypocritical to me. So basically, whether a woman is a virgin or not should not change/affect your relationship at all if the feelings are true. And you know what, while I think that it's ok for a man to be happy if/when he finds out his woman is a virgin, i think that the MAIN reason they would be ecstatic is because they know that they don't have any competition. They don't have to worry about if the woman has had a better sex partner than them and whatnot; the woman has nothing to compare it to. So in the end, I think it all comes down to the male ego!

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  33. Posted: 06 Sep 08

    angelicbunny - Thank you and I enjoy your writings, as well. You're quite right about relationships flowering in many ways without sex. Perhaps I could better explain myself by an example of (guess what?) sailing: Sailing and sex are things I'm passionate about in surprisingly similar ways - I'm lonely doing both by myself and get the greatest joy in sharing such beautiful things with my partner. Sailing is a fundamental part of my life and I'm working towards a life of exploring the world, largely on a sailboat. I'm looking for a partner in that. Though it's fine talking about how wonderful sailing is, I don't want to chance marrying a woman and then finding out she gets violently seasick, lies around in paradise rather than exploring through diving, hiking, windsurfing, getting to know the locals, etc., just can't stand living in a small space, doesn't have the active, happy personality to pitch in and do the many things onboard that are needed or misses her friends and family too much after traveling for a month or any of the many other incompatibilities that are frequent. I would be cheating both of us by not sailing and immersing her in the life I'm living. I'm not saying that taking a gal out sailing on the first date's a good idea (Unless she's already a sailor - She'll understand my welcoming nature, then.) but it's got to happen for me. It's the same with sex. There's so much we grow with in intimate relations and it's vital to me, at the right time, to form those bonds, while seeing if we're sexually compatible. It's entirely possible to be sexually incompatible and fall in love - That sucks! Just as there is a lifetime of sophisticated joy in sailing, there is in sex, as well. There really are women I've been with who, for a number of reasons, simply aren't compatible in bed with me. The intimacy of sex illuminates much else in the relationship that otherwise may not come to light or just be a shadowy suspicion. I am not advocating (for a long-term relationship) jumping into the sack quickly. If it happens, great but it's just one important facet in many of a relationship and bonding as friends can't be overshadowed by lust, fun though it may be. I am advocating a more holistic approach to dating, in which we discover and explore all of who we are with our potential mate. It's the only way to fully appreciate each other. It's also the most beautiful. morninflower - I'm sorry your decision was seen as something that overshadowed all the rest of you - That's criminal short-sightedness - Especially with your rich, deep and joyously wonderful personality and intellect. That's the sweetest story of your Tamil friend! I'm sure he'll have the happiest wife. On another note, I have to disagree with your comment "I could not have said better myself Tkieron!" I agree with his post and his sentiment that "If a woman is a virgin at 31 then most guys will think theres something wrong with her. Most likely mentally. Either shes frigged, or shes a religious nut or shes got some kind of sexual/emotional problems." The life of a virgin is tough and though socially and romantically, one can be frigged for being a virgin and quite possibly be so frigid one remains a virgin, it's impossible to be a friggin' virgin. Tkieron - Thank you in advance for joining me in laughing at the pun inherent in a typo. Great post!

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  34. Posted: 06 Sep 08

    I could not have said better myself Tkieron! - You are absolutely right perfect example; I made a conscious and personal decision not to have sex or drink alcohol for almost 2 years and I would go out on dates and the sex question would come up - first thing would be "Why" then looks of shock, awe, disbelief, some thought I had issues others applauded me for it but the conversations would quicky turn to.."can I be the one to do the honors again"? I became more of a challenge/conquest. If you have chosen to wait, then more power to you for those that have taken the plunge work on getting to your sexual peak! :) - Now that I think about it, one of my best guy friends is from India (speaks Tamil) and his parents are trying to find a wife for him - he is 29 and a virgin; it's common in his culture and he is determined to give himself as a gift to his wife and his prayer is that she will be "whole" - I doubt if any man here would admit to being a virgin but I am curious to hear their point of view as well aside from religious beliefs or cultural practices.

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  35.   Tkieron says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 08

    Quite honestly? If a woman is a virgin at 31 then most guys will think there's something wrong with her. Most likely mentally. Either she's frigged, or she's a religious nut or she's got some kind of sexual/emotional problems. They would rather steer clear of that. As for the ones that decide they are "in love" with the virgin all of a sudden? It comes down to them obsessing over taking her cherry. All of a sudden they find out and it becomes a challenge, a conquest and a bragging right all in one. Does it suck? Yes. Is it a fact of some men? Yes. But not all men. Not all men think like this. If I found out the woman I liked or was getting to know was a virgin I'd ask to hear why. If it's her personal choice then I'd want to understand why she made that choice. If the reasons were understandable and compatible to me then I would have no problem continuing.

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  36. Posted: 06 Sep 08

    Oh, for the record- my best friend of 20 years (holy crap! has it been that long?) and his wife are the only people I know anywhere close to my age who have been married for over a decade and not showing any signs of faltering. They started dating in High School and are the only people I know who saved themselves for marriage- not just with each other, but totally. Both were first timers on the honeymoon. I don't know about anybody else, but that says a lot to me. The only people I know who are happy in marriage are the only ones I know who did it "by The Book".

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  37. Posted: 06 Sep 08

    Thanks, E, I also wish there were more guys who felt that way. There would probably be more virgins over 18 and less emotional baggage for everyone to deal with. Of course, there is a difference in a 16 year old, an 18 year old and a say mid-twenties virgin, as far as maturity levels. I have had 16 year old girls (V and non-V) flirt with me, but I just won't got there. End of story. Even if the state says it's OK at that age. But even with a 24 or so Y-O V, I just don't think I could do it, but I'd probably think about it for a long time. 18 still too young in my opinion, whether it's me she's wanting to be with or someone else, but that's probably just me. I just think the world (or at least America) would be better if more young women kept it longer.

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  38.   E_Me_101 says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 08

    In response to 'TheVisionary' saying "I wont take a womans virginity because if we break up and she marries someone else, I would have stolen that from both of them, and thats just wrong" - i think it's an awesome attitude and i think you deserve huge respect for that, if only all guys thought like that...

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  39.   Khweli says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 08

    Thats the thing man have this perseption that if they sleep with a virgin then , they will be all clingy and blame them for this and that. NOOOOOOO noooo virgins understand that if they decide to allow a man to deflower them , then when they break up its okay it doesnt mean now they have to lay guilt on the guys ( well i hope virgins know that).

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  40. Posted: 05 Sep 08

    Khweli, The bit about running is doing them a favor is sort of where I'm coming from, but in a different sense. I won't take a woman's virginity because if we break up and she marries someone else, I would have stolen that from both of them, and that's just wrong.

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  41.   Khweli says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 08

    Virginity hmmmmmmm I wounder who ever said that virgins are like a mother Teressa kinda of a figure.Have you guys ever heard of a thing called an "experienced virgin" , some one who' sexual mentality is nearly the same as an experience person, one who wheather be oraly or Four-play she'll sure delivere and have a man thinking that she must know what she is doing only to find out that shes never been penetrated. being a virgin doesnt mean you are stupid or clueless, some virgins will suprise alot of man by what they capable of and virgin's are fast learners too after all its start in the mentality and once you can apply that and have the desire to fullfil when eventually you decided to be penetrated. Blessed is that guy. Im just saying being a virgin doesnt mean doesnt have to be a curse and all those guys who run away from them they are actually doing virgins a favoure, cause that pleasurable experience ( hopefully lol) will be worth it to someone else........

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  42. Posted: 05 Sep 08

    I don't have a preference, really. Virgins are different from non-virgins in the way apples are different from pizza. (You thought I was going to say Oreo's, right? LOL) If I'm dating a non-virgin and we get some opportunity- sex is pretty likely and that's absolutely great! On the other hand, I've been involved with virgins in the past and it's very different. I won't take a woman's virginity unless I just married her- (which has never happened LOL) I'm just that kind of guy- so on a date I actually get to use my brain to keep things interesting! We actually talk and get to know each other. I always pay full attention to the woman I am with, but I think I pay more attention to myself (meaning who I am as a person) while on a date with a Virgin. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else.

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  43.   slius says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 08

    im 22 and also still a virgin.i haven't experienced any rejection from men because of my virginity however they do end up perceiving me as a conquest,to see if they'd be my firsts.it's frustrating.and some never understand my decision to remain a virgin.its tough out there.

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  44.   Savage says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 08

    Why sweat it. Do what you feel is right within your own heart. There will always be people around who are more interested in the shell than in you as a person, hence the high divorce rate in this country. Don't like the model you have anymore just trade it in for a new one. Sad but very true.

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  45. Posted: 05 Sep 08

    *Applauds Ursue* Wow, 47! That's so amazing! ^_^

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  46.   Ursue says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 08

    I am 47 years old and still a Virgin. It is not a moral choice, it is a social choice. Jumping into a boat that has sailed across the ocean a few times to many is not a good idea. It should not be a foregone conclusion that the guy with secretaries that type 75 words a minute can use spell check. Because I want to date interracially, I feel that I must assist in keeping any taboos of other cultures in perspective. Some cultures still value chasity( Even if it means a lot of cold showers) The breakups are less painful. The marriages that last are not based on" we're together for the children. I've talked to those who waited and those who didn't There is no magic seal that awaits those who didn't wait. There is no magic seal for those who do. I want to wait. It may lessen my chances, but judging from those who did not wait there is not much difference.

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  47.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 08

    i have a different take on this.First it depends on how old you are...being virgin ain't bad coz its a virtue that you have installed in you. at the same time having sex with someone you love at the right time is ok..so either way i think it all boils down to an individual

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  48. Posted: 05 Sep 08

    I love your well thought out posts that you write laugh_sailor. However, it's quite possible for a relationship to bloom and last for a long time without having sex. For example: My college Ex-boyfriend (I had known him 3 months prior to dating him). We were at first like brother and sister but at my b-day party (I was 18 at the time) I started developing more feelings for him. I told him how I felt and he told me that he felt the same, so we dated. We broke up a first time becuase his father seemed racist towards me (He was a hispanic. I'm black) but He didn't care what his father said and wanted to get back with me. We did and dated. I fell in love with him and told him. He told me that he couldn't return my love until he got over the pain of his old girlfriend who cheated on him several times. He finally one day told me that he loved me and my heart literally skipped a beat and I was near tears. Several months later our "best friend" wanted to take him to the movies and his mother and sister told him that, that was like cheating on me and he one day told me, that he told her that we had broken up when we actually did not. He couldn't make up his mind he wanted to be with so I made it up for him and broke up with him. He cried and tried to get back with me and tried to stay my friend but he had broken my heart. We where together for about 8-9 months but knew each other for about a year and we contacted each other every single day during our relationship, we were at the point of talking about marriage (He brought it up first.) but he said he wasn't ready to commit to that yet. He knew that I was a virgin. Alot of people think being with a virgin is like teaching them everything new. But, it's sometimes the other way around, it just depends on the person themselves and their experience of life, NOT wheather they have sex or not. It also depends on the motive of the virgin as well such as: why they virgins? Are they a virgin because no one wants to be with them? Low self-esteem? Is it religion? Is because they're appreance? If you find out the motive, you are able to tell how your relationship will be... hopefully. Well, I'm a virgin by CHOICE and Religion (I have an actual list of why I am). I easy to talk to, some men think that am shy but I not just can't think of alot to say on the spot. And I don't rub my virginity in their faces (unless they give me reason too, lol), I don't force a man to stay with me if he's not into me (Hit the road, Jack! and don't let the door hit you on the way out! ha ha ha! ^_^). I do admit it's sometimes hard, but you have to literally keep reminding your own self of your motives (I hope this helps any of my fellow ppls out there.)

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  49. Posted: 04 Sep 08

    I respect the path you have taken, algelicbunny - Living true to yourself is vital for real happiness. It's not my path but that's ok - It's your life. E_Me_101 - I think you nailed one of the fundamentals: Respect and true friendship must be developed. Otherwise, the relationship is too easily based on sex. Respect really should be there regardless of sex - If that's not independently there, something's very wrong and it's time to end it. I would not be willing to date a virgin: It's similar to dating a woman who refuses to sail until we're married. Will she get easily seasick or simply not like sailing because there's work involved and she doesn't have the personality to pitch in, is a couch potato or any of the many reasons women swoon over sailing as long as it's safely in a romantic novel? Love-making is a vital part of my relationships. It's something I reserve for meaningful relationships and if dating's not developing to the point of sex, that speaks to other problems that need to be addressed or perhaps acknowledged as deal-breakers. Sex strengthens our bonds and is also telling of feelings: Does my gal relish cuddling after, can she simply not get enough of me in bed and is she selflessly pleasing me because it just makes her happy? Am I the same? We really ought to be and this is such an important part of my relationships that I can't leave it to chance. It's so common to hear truly well-meant sexual promises that never seem to materialize and not even being able to know sexual compatibilities and tastes is a related problem with dating a virgin. There is also a tendency to romanticize sex when new with it, confusing lust with love and that can blind one or both partners to the true state of the relationship - It's easy to ignore red flags when you're playing with a wonderful new toy. Placing sex on a forbidden list takes it out of the ordinary and while giving it extra-ordinary status, robs it of much of its benefits: We're sexual creatures - Some more than others but denying that side of us is not being true to ourselves.

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  50. Posted: 04 Sep 08

    Those words "I'm a Virgin" whether coming from a male or female, are a deal breaker either way. Meaning the effect it has on the person receiving that particular info, is really, really interesting, and often immediate. I say if someone changes there attitude towards you when you say that to them, that's understandable. In these times, that's a very strong statement. It evokes many different emotions, hopefulness, shock, hopelessness, admiration, thoughtfulness, respect, and sometimes frustration!! LOL If you are a Virgin, stick to it, and don't let ANYONE change the way you feel about that choice. I don't care how many people don't call you back, because one day, the right one will. It's a commitment that's obviously important to you, so it should be to the person who really loves and respects you too. Peace People. Sweetsoftone

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