‘We’ couples are happier couples

Posted by Ria, 15 Feb 10

When you buy a new apartment, do you refer to it as ‘my crib’ or ‘our crib’? How about that truck you own?

It so happens that couples who use inclusive pronouns are happier than those who say ‘I’; so claims some study. And that the use of pronouns ‘we’, ‘our’, ‘us’ as opposed to ‘I’, ‘me’, ‘you’ shows marital satisfaction in couples.

As reported in the September issue of the journal of Psychology and Aging, in times of conflict, there was evidence of more relaxed heart rates and blood pressure in couples who use inclusive pronouns. At the same time, their conversations were emotionally positive and physiologically calm whereas the ‘I’ couples showed negative facial expressions, tones of voice, body gestures. “We found more 'we' language in older couples and in happier couples," said Rober Levenson, senior researcher of the study at the University of California.

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It is quite hard to switch to the ‘we’ language. Nothing against men but when it comes to ‘their cars’ much as you use them or have equal ownership, they are his. It’s like a guy thing. Plus, for people who have been single for quite a while, it’s not that easy getting over ‘me-ness’.

During the honeymoon phase in relationships, its always ‘we did this’, ‘our plans are…’. Then suddenly you somehow find yourselves sucked into ‘what are your plans for the weekend?’ language. These are some of things you need to pay attention to. And as much as you are not conjoined twins, too much of the you-me stuff isn’t good in the long run. These are the things that make couples – after years of marriage – wake up to ‘we have nothing in common’.

Make a conscious effort to say ‘we’. Make a conscious effort to maintain the ‘we-ness’ in your relationship. It’s just a two lettered word but as per this study, it’s the glue that binds couples in marital bliss.

9 responses to "‘We’ couples are happier couples"

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  1.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 13 Mar 10

    To be a "we" you must be willing to sacrifice a whole lot of "me". That's always a tough one, but ooh so rewarding.

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  2.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 07 Mar 10

    It's funny that we are willing to share our hearts, our bodies, our beds, our families, yet we balk when we are put in a position of sharing our materials. When my ex divorced me, I paid alimony. I didn't like it but knew it was right. I still pay child support including putting our son through college and this is not by court order. My daughter goes later this year. Mom has offered nada for our children for school because her hubby won't allow it. My kids honor me by their desire and efforts to continue their education. We, my ex and I, definitely got raising them right! And kudos to her hubby for his acceptance of my kids.

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  3.   canadiangc says:
    Posted: 03 Mar 10

    Reality says that when it comes to making decisions about which apartment, which house, what color to paint,etc, etc the 'we' turns into the 'she' :) As the saying goes if the woman isn't happy no one is happy. and when it comes to paying the bill it tends to be more 'him' than 'we'. You all do realize I am not being serious... maybe.

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  4.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 02 Mar 10

    Well, I pray that when I find my husband we will be happy and a great team. I have found that so many people are using marriage to get what they can get out of a person. Here in California we have community property. Unfortunately far too many people see that as a quick way to get material things. I have a friend who has to pay her ex husband $1200 a month in palimony, had to sell their home and give him half (even though he never worked to help pay for it) and worst of all he doesn't even help with the kids. I know this is an extreme case, but it's sad how money or citizenship can create an illusion of love. I guess that's why it's important to find someone equally yoked on all levels!

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  5.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 10

    I see people who think about "we" more than "me" are generally happier. It would only make sense that they would be happier in their relationships as well.

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  6.   Jungle says:
    Posted: 20 Feb 10

    The "We", "Us", and "Our" Are only relative to a future that interracial romancers have together. Finding common grounds in different races, that make US feel that WE are whole in OUR search for the common bond and chemistry that we can't find in our same race. Only means WE don't have blinders or limitations to finding OUR true love that is within US!

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  7.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 17 Feb 10

    why enter into marriage if you cannot accept possibility of sharing/owning property together?

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  8.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 10

    Our ; Us / takes time when alone for years , worth all the time in the world . Life is a Learning experience . WB - Warner Bros . MGM - Means great Marriages. This site creates Companionship .

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  9.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 10

    I definitely think it makes a HUGE difference in the state of the relationship. BUT Dont use the "we" word if you truly are not a "we" couple. It takes time to reach that point and when you do I think the We's will come naturally. If you truly are one and a part of a whole, its effortlessly and unconscious to say we.

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