What did you learn about sex from your first time?

Posted by Ria, 13 Jun 10

The first time having sex … hmmm … Most of us have best laid plans – plans that involve losing it all in a sweet and memorable manner. But many of us end up losing their virginity in a spontaneous manner where you have no control over when or how it happens. And for some, their first isn’t what they imagined at all … its horrendous.

My first time wasn’t anything I had imagined. I had always visualized Freak’N You by Jodeci playing in the background (Watch video below). Until I was ushered into the imperfections of the whole process. Nothing romantic or sexy about the whole thing. And after that, all the worrying; Will I have to get stitches, what if the condom had a tiny hole in it, what if, what if … Did I wait all these years for this (disappointment)?

From that imperfect incident, I learned one thing: When it comes to sex, striving for perfection and obsessing over small flaws can make you lose sight of the big picture – you as an individual enjoying the whole experience. You have to momentarily relax and savor the experience. I learned that much as I had choreographed the whole thing, being in sync with the other person is what matters most … not the sexy, silky sheets and rose petals I had visualized for years on end.

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29 responses to "What did you learn about sex from your first time?"

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  1.   aliekatt68 says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 10

    How not to do it lol.

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  2.   sweetpeanut says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    This topic always makes me smile :) I was 14, he was 23 and Greek. Surprisingly and no one believes me is that I saw this guy at a bus stop one night, decided he was going to be the one and indeed he was! Guess I acted on most fantasies... me in my school uniform, pretended to be lost in the area and asked to use the phone at his place. The rest was seduction on both parties. I was sooo excited and scared when he made a move! And boy he was good, I remember having an orgasm because he took his time with his hands and was so into it that when we finally got down to it, I was shocked at how much it hurt! The seeds of my passion for sex and for older men were truly sowed that night! Though in hindsight... it was of course stupid to be so fearless at such a young age!

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  3. Posted: 07 Jul 10

    hmm i was 17 he was 37, a professor at my catholic prep school..he didnt know a thing..who says older men are great in bed?...it lasted all of 5 mins. then he became a stalker and showed up at my house and told my dad he was in love with me, that didnt go over so well..when he woke up..he beat a hasty retreat..the man was married and his wife said she knew about me but he was so lousy in bed she wasnt worried..lol. 8 months after that i got married.. go figure..

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  4.   tsexxxyt says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    @whurr too funny

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  5.   bigfine1966 says:
    Posted: 03 Jul 10

    mmmmmm lol very funny to say the least. I was hoping to learn something to be able to use with my teenager but i see i am reading the wrong article. :)

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  6.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 02 Jul 10

    LOL. Whurr, go to your room, and don't come out til u learn how to act ... which I guess means NEVER! ;)

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  7.   whurr says:
    Posted: 01 Jul 10

    @Poukie I didn't have an orgasm the first time...well actually I haven't had one ever. Could you please describe the details of your first orgasm. Record yourself describing it, email it to me......strictly for the learning process of course! When you record it, can you repeat 'Dirty Whurr, you are a bad man' at least 3-4 times like 2 minutes apart. THANKS

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  8. Posted: 29 Jun 10

    My first time having sex I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't have an orgasnm up till now...so therefore I do not know how to feel about this subject

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  9.   fadedsuede says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 10

    Whurr said: "3) Dating someone or looking for a first date while horny, is as dangerous as shopping while you are extremely hungry" SOOO true. To make it even more dangerous, try looking for an appealing woman in the grocery store while hungry after just leaving the gym after a good workout. Bad.....very bad......

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  10.   only_otter says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 10

    by the way, I've always been true to myself and I lost it to a white man.

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  11.   only_otter says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 10

    What I learned from the first time I actually didn't learn until I was much older. Don't rush, the nutt is much better the longer it takes and learn your body. Explore the possibilities and don't think about if you are doing it right. My first time was with a man on his lunch break and it left me with that just raped feeling........ so, if you can't take your time, you get no time.

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  12.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 10

    Thanks Jenna...But I think whurr has a very special sense of humor. He is definitely different--in a good way (hmmm)

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  13.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 10

    @Whurr You never cease to amaze me with the crazy and hilarious scenarios and comments you make. You and Kissime are both jewels I tell you!

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  14.   tsexxxyt says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 10

    Wow! My first time was complete joke! I thought I was so " In love". I was told at 16 that you couldn't get pregnant on you first time...WRONG!..9 months later...I have a son...Go figure?

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  15.   whurr says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 10

    Ok.. some things I learned... 1) Never trust a person who says that they don't masturbate. Lies starting a relationship! 2) A woman acting like she thoroughly enjoys performing oral sex willingly actually matters more than the act itself. 3) Dating someone or looking for a first date while horny, is as dangerous as shopping while you are extremely hungry. 4) Having your sexual libido match-up actually matters in HUGE ways. Doesn't matter how much we want to say intelligence, looks, etc etc...your libido is #1. 5) That whole 'porn sex' that we see on DVDs and online...is usually awkward, painful, and pointless and should be performed by those that we see doing it. Looks good....and thats about it! 6) A pointer for the females....yes you can screw your way to a man's heart...but in reality it might take a dozen times, regardless of how good it was the first, second etc etc. 7) Most people who claim that they got pregnant from a broken condom, or even the gross 'std' from a broken condom...are lying. You went skin on skin...stop denying it! 8)Sometimes there are some serious 'technical difficulties' during sex....laugh...and continue! 9)Some women say you can tell how good a man is in bed by the way he moves while dancing, you can DEFINITELY tell how good a woman is in bed by her relationship to FOOD. All 'sticks' need not apply!! 10)and finally....the more I learn about sex....the more I realize I don't know SHYT about sex! Thank you ...no applause...please...no applause...thanks!

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  16.   dee says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 10

    lol. that's it?

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  17.   kissime says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 10

    @ Jenna, I'm glad I made you laugh :) I CRACK MYSELF UP TOO!! You wouldn't believe what goes through my mind...in less than 7 minutes....Hoody Hoo!

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  18.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 10

    @Kissime Lol, you crack me up!

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  19.   chris_schad says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 10

    I learned that a plastic bag with which they package apples and a thick rubber band can't be fashioned into a spur of the moment makeshift condom. Be prepared. I learned why the withdrawal method is fraught with pregnancies. I learned that the presence of a hymen in your female partner is an over-rated virtue (particularly the "tough as thick naugahyde" type of hymen in a "ooh that really hurts" type of girl). I learned that no matter how alluring it may seem, don't make love on a hard wood floor- you may not walk properly again for days. I learned that the things they told us in "sex ed" were bunk. I learned i would do anything to get at this sweet stuff again.

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  20.   kissime says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 10

    I'm a virgin. My son was immaculately conceived...I am filled with divine grace (don't go there:0) ...hallelujah amen.

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  21.   BLAQBEAUTY4 says:
    Posted: 16 Jun 10

    My first time was when i was a 17yr old college freshman to an upperclassmen pre-engineering student. The song was Moments in love and it was with my boyfriend at the time. It was painful but he did respect my body as a gift. He showed me things about sex and life as a whole. Recently, we became friends on FB. He is now married with a family and i am grateful to have shared this experience with someone that i can still befriend in later life.

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  22.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 10

    Oh and I was an adult (21years old)

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  23.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 10

    My first time was my wedding night. I am glad I waited for marriage before having sex but proably should have read more about the actual act before hand. I can truly say it was not the best night of my life but I have no regrets because it was with someone I loved and married.

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  24.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 10

    Ditto

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  25.   fadedsuede says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 10

    NOPLAYER: Wow, that is exactly what happened to me way back some......well, lets just say many experiences ago. It tore me up that I had no car and was mowing lawns to earn a pittance of chump change. Looking back, I realize that experiences like that is what made me who I am today. (single - but now I somewhat enjoy mowing my own grass for free)

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  26.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 10

    My first time taught me that it defenitely wouldn't be my last time!!! I had to go back for more! I also got my first taste of heartbreak when she broke up with me to date this guy that had a car, I guess she got tired of us sitting on her front porch. LMAO I thought how could somebody that made me feel so good hurt me like this and that's when told my father about it and he looked at me smiled, shook his head and told me; "son never allow your PENIS to give you HEART PROBLEMS!" I took that to mean don't think every girl you sleep with will want to be with you forever and most important I learned that SEX is not LOVE !!!! I'm glad I learned that at the age of 17 instead of 27 or 37!!! That's for real!

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  27.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 10

    It hurt like hell! The worst part is I feel for someone who was talented in one area and not the other. I should have just allowed our relationship to continue on the one sided way and saved my virginity for someone more deserving. Hey you live and you learn!

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  28.   whurr says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 10

    First time last night? or in my life? Because the first time last night was with the 'Busty Black Nurses VII'.... and it wasn't any different than the night before. If you are talking about in my life, I was 12 and she was 16. I think legally its called rape..... but then again you can't rape the willing!! All I remember is that I was so drunk I just remember seeing 2 breasts that at the time looked like 5 breasts....as she was raping the willing! having sex at 12...while drunk...with a 16 year old.....what a dysfunctional childhood!!! I will stab my kids with a rusty fork in the eyes if they try to imitate that feat!! Did I just say that out loud??? I hope I don't accidentally press 'Submit Comment' and post this....definitely just for the therapy!

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  29.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 13 Jun 10

    My first experience with sex thought me, not to believe everything you see and hear about that subject. If you don't truly love the individual you are going to have sex with or have some sort of strong emotional feeling for,you are wasting time!!! After my first encounter I asked myself is this what the hype is all about,the earth did not shatter lol!!!!

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