When he loses his job, which spouse gets hit hardest?

Posted by Ria, 18 Jun 08

Nothing can be more destabilizing for a marriage like a husband losing his job

Handling a spouse’s job loss is something I myself must admit that I really wouldn’t know how to hack the situation. I have seen women calling their husbands’ names in front of the kids, calling them good for nothing, lazy and useless. The humiliation, the being fired from the marital bed – as if being fired from the job wasn’t enough :roll:

One woman used to force the hubby to get up in the morning, get all dressed up, and give him the car to drive around just so that the neighbors don’t figure out his a** was broke and out of work. And he had to pick her from work so everyone could see how happy they were.

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Well, I believe a husband losing his job is most women’s fear. And much as we women never know how best to handle this situation, men admit that it’s WORSE than HELL for them because being the provider is what defines most men. And losing the job is equated to losing a great measure of self respect.

Some guy I know put up a show for a whole year – waking up in the morning like he would on a normal working day. And during pay day, he would withdraw money from his retirement account. And when the wife decided to surprise him at work on his birthday, she got SURPRISED!!! Money that would have been otherwise invested was spent on trying to cover up the job loss.

Well much as women suffer from this, the men do too. Some become abusive, others start sleeping around just to get their crushed egos back on track. And for some even a supportive wife isn’t a good enough ego boost.

So they say that we must accept the situation and try to bounce back. Is it really that hard? If we almost independent women really feel stripped of the little independence we have when we lose our jobs, think of what the man has to go through when this happens. And lashing out on your spouse wont make the situation go away … we still do it anyway.

Nobody likes change … the negative change that is. And most deal with change differently. Well I believe women are the ones that have to deal with a lot when a man loses his job. That’s just me. What so you think? Is it worse for the woman or man?

18 responses to "When he loses his job, which spouse gets hit hardest?"

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  1.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Feb 09

    Cutbacks in all lines of employment , a way of Life . Job loss is something the common man cannot control , Myself / have lost two long term jobs because they sold to another company . Recession , I think they call it . Become a politician , they earn the same even if they do not win re-election . Proud to hear that your Man is worth more than $$ . Wish your Family the best of Luck . Amen

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  2.   Member says:
    Posted: 27 Feb 09

    my husband lost his job after 19yrs of service and the circumstances why was not his fault his manger would not give him a chance to explain my husband never been in trouble but i got his back we are in this together the "vow says for better or worse" (32y plus married) and he means more to me than a $$ we will weather the storm soon there is a rainbow

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  3.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 09

    I think a job loss is equally unsettling to both men and women. The only exception, I could see to this case is if the party impacted, has substantial savings to weather the storm. On the positive side, I do think these types of situations help couples to reassess their lifestyle and values and make the necessary adjustments so that future crisis will not be as devastating to their financial well being and relationship.

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  4.   helper says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 08

    May man did loss his job for over a yr. I stood by him tried not to say much or push him because I myself was some mo. before also out of a job {for 3and a half mo} in that time he was on me every day about what I was doing to get a job and what I was doing at home going so far as to call me 5 times a day. So I didn't want to do that to him . Now I wish I had because now he has another woman in his life and I don't know how long it been going on. So I am getting the big D-divorced because one day he just walked out. It's a good thing I am happy person with lot of fiends or I wouldn't of made it .

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  5. Posted: 13 Aug 08

    I has happened to me and i have seen it rip relationships and marriages apart.I think both parties go through it..It's a sad situation..We all have to deal with it or have delt with it in our life..The big question is how can the person/persons get through it?!

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  6.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 08

    Very true peaches!

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  7.   peaches says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 08

    i think it applies to both paryies not just the man thing,anybody can loose his or her job.

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  8.   queen77 says:
    Posted: 25 Jun 08

    imromantic i agree with ur view,tumbs up for u!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  9.   imromantic says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 08

    It is unfortunate that people allow money to make them, instead of them making the money. Today there is no such thing as job security. I am here to tell you that corporate america will always have a hidden agenda and employees with 3 years or 30 years in an organization will be laidoff once the agenda is placed on the table. What happened to in good times and bad. I am not married and have never been, but I have had a longterm relationship where my partner has lost his job, and I supported him until he was back in the work force. If someone has issues with their mate when their job is lost, then you should know that your mate has no interest in you, but has interest in your money. Money is the root of all evil and I suggest that when you come together with someone as a live in couple or a married couple. YOU need to plan for situations such as this. Don't tell me that it can't be done because I can tell you that it can. When you are in a relationship you have to be willing to discuss and plan for the things that you feel would add stress to your relationship. Finances will destroy a relationship if you let it. Our problem today is that as couples we don't plan for tomorrow, instead we live for today. In order to live life to the fullest, you have to communicate and plan for things that may happen. Without a "May Happen Plan" you may find yourself in a world of hurt, because tomorrow is never promised. Not only should you do this as a couple, you should do it as a single person. For those of us that have lived through the loss of a job, their mates job or any other event that has added financial stress to your life. I hope that we have all learned from it. Plan and support your partner when they lose their job due to circumstances beyond their control. I have been through the loss of my partners job, and the loss of my own job. Finances are the number one cause for divorce. Plan and tell yourself that you make money, money doesn't make you.

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  10.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 08

    If I lost my job, I would become a genuine monk studying under the Dalai Lama.....

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  11.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 08

    If I lost my job, I would play saxophone in the New York City Subways & be happily away from the corporate world.

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  12.   kayre says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 08

    Hey members of this site, we should remember that life is full of ups and down and that is what make us feel its tasts. It is really not fair if love our partner when he/she is beautiful, have a job ect. Imagine if she/he is get seriously ill, or get fatal accident!!

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  13. Posted: 21 Jun 08

    I agree with Kayre - It can happen to both constituents in the couple - but boy does the impact vary! In one relationship, the guy went through a period of self loathing, anger, violent outbursts and it was too much too deal with. BTW I was supporting us.. 100% and I mean 100% - I never made him feel "less of a man" or deny him anything he wanted...but for some reason, it was never enough.. sigh! anyway..that was a dark chapter in life. Now, when I lost a job in another relationship - I was ofcourse devastated, panicked..etc but my then boyfriend took care of me 100% until I was able to find a job that I really wanted and not rush into something to "get by or pay the bills" - he was a good man. I think losing a job can be a huge stressor in a relationship, but its how you deal with it as a couple that ultimately helps you through.

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  14.   kayre, says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 08

    Being jobless is a problem that could happen to both constituents in the couple; but impact varies from couple to couple. The most volnerable are those couple who luck honesty in what bring them together-the love.

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  15.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 08

    I went through this mess and it was awful. Its amazing how much self confidence is tied up in your career. Sadly enough, its coming around again for me.

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  16.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 08

    When someone loses a job & cannot provide, it is bad for everybody concerned. I don't see it as a male / female issue. Instead of waking up, driving around & faking it, why not just get a job at WalMart or BK just to get some cash coming in. Who cares what neighbors think!

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  17.   queen77 says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 08

    if my spouse looses his job he is sure to get my support as long as my love for him remains,as a working class lady i should be able to assist my husband in times of difficulties

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  18.   ljnthewoods says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 08

    Well unfortunly this does happen and I have had it happen to me. The thing I had to remember/learn was that my job is what I do not who I am. My exe could not deal with this and she ended up having an affair and left me. She said, "I can't deal with this, I'm leaving". I was not fired but was injured in an auto accident and even though I healed she left anyway. BTW she had the affair while I was in the hospital. I guess things like this happen and you move on.

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