When you earn more than him …

Posted by Ria, 17 Apr 09

… it’s complicated.

Today, more and more women are taking home the big bucks … much bigger than their spouses. In reality, they are the bread winners. One would think that this would make society jump on high rejoicing but Noooo! Apparently, when she earns more, she has to be extremely humble about it or else… In fact more often that not, if the relationship is to have peace and harmony, then the world isn’t suppose to know about it.

Well, I talked to a few male friends of mine who have been in this tight little corner. Here is a compilation of a few things women - who earn more than the men they are dating or married to -should NEVER do:

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Don’t take a mic and shout from the rooftops: This dude, Eric, thinks a woman who earns more should not make it her business to make sure all her friends and family members know she is the moneyed one in the relationship. Apparently, this will make her pals and relatives not take the dude seriously or even disrespect him openly.

Once while out having drinks with an ex’s family, Eric offered to pay. But her ex’s sister, having had too much to drink dismissed him saying, “I’ll pay. There is no need to dent your pocket any further than it already is.”

Much as no one ever came out to tell him openly that he was living off their daughter/sister/friend, their attitude and what was left unsaid during family gatherings was a good enough blow. Eventually, Eric left and married a simpler woman.

Never buy him gifts he can’t afford: … or worse, thing he cannot afford to match. Most of the people buy gifts in the hopes that the gesture will be returned. Well, buying him an expensive gift he couldn’t afford makes a man feel too pressured into doing the same for you. The advice ladies is not to make the man feel like he is being forced to live in your world which would cost him more than he could ever afford.

Don’t buy his dream car: :lol: Apparently, this is a NO-GO-ZONE! The moment you accept that men, football, beer and cars are inseparable, you will never – even attempt to – buy his dream car … or any other car he wishes for. Ever seen how men envy their male counterparts who drive their dream cars? How much worse can it get when it’s a woman they are dating or married to?

“To say that it’s a major blow for a man to see his woman buy a car she knows he loves and which he cannot afford, is an understatement. Its like trying to show off to him”, says Charles. Apparently it happened to him. “One day, without alerting me, she went ahead and bought my dream car! According to her, she knew I loved that car and decided to buy it for ‘us’!”. Much as the gesture was supposed to make him happy, IT DIDN’T! To Charles, the car is a constant reminder that she is way ahead of him financially.

Don’t criticize: …his clothing or places he likes to hang out. And its worse when you earn more than he does and insist on meeting him at the flashy places you fancy while criticizing the places he likes. Don’t embark on a mission to give him an image that that fits in with your friends’ or family’s expectations. Just accept him as you found him.

Don’t belittle him: According to Gerald, most women who earn more than their men tend to belittle them and no man wants to stay in such a relationship. So no matter how much you earn, remain humble and know that he is still the HEAD. He finishes off saying, “Women must accept that there can never be two centers of power in a relationship.” :roll: - Ok. That was quite chauvinistic I must admit.

So, why should women be punished for being successful? Why should a woman hush about her success when she has earned it? Will most men ever come to terms with a woman who earns more in a relationship?

29 responses to "When you earn more than him …"

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  1.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 09

    I agree with NOPLAYERS April 24th comments. This is what I have experienced and observed. We can all wish that it wouldn't make a difference if a woman earns (significantly) more money in a relationship, but it does. Because, for very good reasons, men and women are wired differently. I think the situation can be adjusted to, but it requires massive amounts of maturity, sensitivity, and trust on the part of both indiviuals. Most of us are not masters of communication, or sensitivity for that matter - this is why relationships in this circumstance can become strained and people can build up misunderstandings, and resentment. So, for all who say it doesn't matter, what happens when the woman is the one with the longer work days and is mentally and/or physically exhausted when she gets home on a regular basis. Does the guy not get tired of being expected to prepare dinner regularly, or having to eat take-out regularly? What if he's a traditional guy and really expects the woman to hold that high paying job and keep house, and cook, and take on primary responsibility for kids, etc... Think some resentment can build up there? We just have to be real about it. When romantic things are happening, of course no one cares what any one makes. But, when the day to day grind of real life is going on, that's different story.

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  2.   Girlstar7 says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 09

    I believe that when a women earns more than man if that is the pay of her job so be it!.I do not like when a women uses her money against a man, making him seem weak because you make more. Then having the nerve to try and wear the pants in the family?. A women should and can never truly wear the pants in the family, she is still a girl. I as a proud girl have some traditional/ contemp believes. A man who loses his job should not stay home and ever play "Mr. Mom". Like No Way! And women need to stop trying to get to the point because they are making a bit more than some men, "They don't need a man in their life". Since when does a good hearted successful women don't need and want a good guy in her life?. I can make a million dollars and will always want and very much apprechiate a good man in my life. I will never make a man feel like a little boy and not a man that god made him to be,over money and ego. Nothing's wrong with independent women,something is very wrong with trying to erase the man out of his natural place in humankind.

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  3.   CanadianGC says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    The famle making more moeny than the male in a relations is what?? Complicated??? It's omlu complicated if one of the teo people are insecure or measure a person's worth based on their income and people actually writing articles about it. I've tended to only date feamles who are self-motivated and yes, some have made more money than me. Great for them, never caused any problems in any realtionship.

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  4.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    @ HoneyKissed6 I knew I'd touch somene, I'm glad it was you! Best Wishes

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  5. Posted: 30 May 09

    Thank you for that story, NOPLAYER! I need to find my box of Kleenex now!

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  6.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 28 May 09

    @ WiseChoice I appreciate your stating that men are passion driven more so than ego driven and yes the two are different. I believe that passion is fuel for the will and if your're not passionate about something you want, you wont have the will power to go after it or fight for it and this goes for careers, money or whatever you do in life. It's not about her earning more than him, it's about will she still love and respect him or will she treat him like one of her subordinates at work. As long as she maintains her passion her him and he continues to strive for her affection, the income difference shouldn't be a big issue. I worked with a BW and over lunch she told me her husband was starting to feel insecure since she started earning more than him. She was scared that this could break them apart and she hoped that wasn't feeling that she no longer wanted him. She told me that he not only worked two jobs to help her go back to school and complete her master's degree but he encouraged her all the way. She said that she trully loved him and no matter where life took them she wanted them to go together, regardless if it took them from a housing project to a penthouse or all the way down to a park bench, she wnated to be at his side. She was dead serious, I told her to chill out because she was making me too emotional, she damn near bought me to tears. There were too many people around for me to start coming unglued. LOL I asked her, "if what you said has touched me, how do you think it will affect him?" I told her to write him a nice letter explaining how you feel and spray your best fragrance on it and include a picture of you and him together and put in in his gym bag or in his tool box, somewhere you know he'll find it. Two years later and one year old twins running around, I guess he found that letter! Peace!

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  7. Posted: 10 May 09

    In an ideal world, this would not be a problem. However, we need to be realistic. Simple advise, listen to your partner. Do what's best for your relationship. If your partner must be that alpha male, then let him. Men have their egos. If your partner is more dependent, let him. After all, these are the men you chose and that will not change no matter how much you make but it can get ugly rubbing it. Place yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't it bother you if your man was always rubbing it in about how much he makes. Equal treatment combined with realistic views of what each is about Everyone, including partner, will not think the same as you do. If so, you'd be dating yourself. And you picked each other. So if there are issues with the differences in salaries and the roles expected then you should have known that already. Personalities rarely change because of money...you just wasn't paying attention in the first place. In my personal opinion, different salaries shouldn't make a difference to the amount of housework contributed by either personal. If I made 6 figures, I should be expected to keep my home with my partner just as i would if I lived alone. Being with a someone who make less than you don't make them your maid. Making less money than my partner doesn't make me less busy. A partnership is 50/50 at home, not a division of labor according the percentage of dollars earned by one in relation to the other. If you were broke, do you really want to be the only one cleaning? If you were richer, do you want to be the only one contributing. We all have our own version of truth and expectations.

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  8.   black044 says:
    Posted: 04 May 09

    if the woman earns more than the man should really not be an issue if they love each other.welcome to the new world

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  9.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 02 May 09

    I'm a little old fashioned in some ways. I would protect my date as best I can if a saber-toothed tiger attacked us while we strolled down Sunset Boulevard. If we had established the right kind of relationship, I would do my best to keep her from being sacrificed as a virgin. And if I invite a woman to dinner, I expect to pay. Now if we establish a relationship, then splitting the bill (You got the tickets, let me get the popcorn) shows class on her part. If she makes considerably more money than me. I mean scads more. And wants to take me away from all this. Well, if it makes her happy, I'm man enough to be humble enough to let her.

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  10.   WiseChoice says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 09

    Hi, to those of you who are (really concerned) about the competition-issue between couples in a genuine relationship: Maybe, it's not a competition nearly as much as it is a fear of incompetence. Insecurities in (men) come in many forms and express themselves in many ways. An Identity-Crisis occurs when men seek goals they cannot achieve without help from their relationship partner (married or otherwise). A man who achieves his PASSION is not insecure. A man STRIVING to achieve his passion faces MANY insecurities. It's easy, (at that point) to blame someone else for self-inflicting problems that come naturally as one tries to overcome obstacles which only (money, time and opportunity) can trump. And it's easy to fall prey to unfair, unwarranted and even unrealistic criticism from a mate (or potential mate) who does not understand a man's PASSION to achieve. Do not underestimate the power of DRIVE ! Men are innately PASSION-DRIVEN! Given a fair opportunity, a man of vision will eventually achieve his goals. If a good woman can understand that a man and his goals are inseparably connected, she will come to realize (hopefully) that to help him in his quest, is to say, "I LOVE YOU and BELIEVE IN YOU(!!)"...in a most profound way! The net result is a trust-relationship that defeats "competition"-related complications cold!! Ladies, the old addage, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" (meaning:feed him a good meal and you'll keep his love)..is simply not realistic these days, (and maybe never was)!! In truth, the way to a man's heart is in BELIEVING IN HIS DREAMS AND HIS PASSIONATE DRIVE TO ACHIEVE!! (and putting everything you can risk) into helping those dreams become reality for you both!! A man is not nearly as ego-driven as he is PASSION-DRIVEN. The woman who understands this, will stand a much better chance of maintaining a loving relationship with her mate. Do any of you men agree with this assessment? Let me say this,.. to those of you who are rally concerned about income differences and the thing about women earning more than men: Black Women have a hard enough time, trying to "make it in a man's world". If you truly CARE FOR YOUR BLACK MATE, try to realize how much PASSION AND DRIVE it takes, for her to compete on a completely unfair playing-field;..where it economic parody is stacked against her from git-go! So, think about how NICE it would be to APPLAUD her for her successes, instead of deriding her for having the fortitude to accomplish something of significance. Women are ALSO Passion-Driven! Frankly, (in my limited worldview) BLACK WOMEN need to be lifted and encouraged and supported in every way (that we men can), as they strive to achieve; (against a backdrop of nearly insurmountable odds) !! If You are a WHITE male, ...realize that if you have a SUCCESSFUL BLACK WOMAN at your side, (YOU)have achieved more than probably 98% of the world!! So take advantage of it by appreciating (not criticizing) what she brings to the relationship! One last thought (I can't resist): Pardon me, but I AM a pastor, and this is early SUNDAY morning, as I write. Did you realize that virtually EVERY WOMAN IN THE BIBLE who ever achieved anything worthy of note, was a BLACK WOMAN?? Oh, YES!! Jesus' MOTHER was BLACK! QUEEN ESTHER was BLACK! Rehab was Black! Jacob's wife, RACHEL was BLACK! ABAGAIL and BATHSHEBA were both BLACK! Oh yes they were!!! MGM and the Hollywood industry may not agree. The major (white) television preachers will CERTAINLY not agree!! Why?? Because it's not to their ADVANTAGE!! But if it would put an extra quarter in the box-office or the offering basket,...Hmmmm. They would agree that Jesus' mother was PURPLE !! C'MON,...(you KNOW it is true). So.. if you can deal with THAT FACT,...try THIS: Every MALE HERO in the Bible (who was MARRIED) ... was married to at LEAST (ONE-or-MORE) BLACK WOMEN !!! And those "HEROES" who were not married ( JOSEPH, DANIEL, JEREMIAH, ELIJAH, ...JESUS...) WERE either BLACK or PART-BLACK!! Do you think that will set well with WHITE pastors this morning?? So, ... GIVE YOUR BLACK WOMAN SOME CREDIT !! Lift her UP ! STOP being critical of her success and show some PRIDE in recognizing who she IS. ESPECIALLY if you are a WHITE man! Respect your relationship! Give that woman a standing ovation! Get over your insecurities and get back to living THE PASSION-DRIVEN LIFE! GOD BLESS THE SUCCESSFUL BLACK WOMEN OF THE WORLD!!! Everybody say AMEN!! (Now,let's have CHURCH!!) Respectfully submitted, WiseChoice For further comment, contact me on this website: W.C.

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  11.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 09

    When we grow to realize that all things in a Marriage are Mutually Shared , We do not weigh who does this or who does that for the Benefit of the relationship [ these things are daily Habits we have done for years alone before we met ]. We Enjoy together what is Ours . We formed a Partnership for life / Knot a competition to see who can cross the Finishline with the most toys .

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  12.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 09

    @lovelybbw men since the beginning for time have been the providers and givers and I think it's coded in our DNA. LOL Most men are not used to having women buy things for them, for me, it reminds me too much of when I was living at home with my mother as a teenager and as a result had to yield to her control. No man wants to feel that he cant provide for himself, that's too much for him to bear and if his woman makes more money than him, then it can really agravate him when she keeps buying him things. In this society men are valued and respected more for what they do for a living as compared to who they are a person and so his income is more important than his character. This way of thinking effects alot of men more than they'll admit and it unfortunately carries over into their relationships. If a man already feels that he doesn't measure up to society's standard of what a man is and you keep buying and giving him things, you unknowingly remind him of what he's already feeling and that's inadequate. Here's an example, let's say you're a thick bodied woman and you have serious hang-ups about your size and you're man keeps buying you these skimpy and tight fighting outfits, knowing damn well you cant fit them. It would only be a matter of time before you'd start saying to yourself, " if he wants a smaller woman, why in the hell wont he get one and leave me alone!" You might start to feel he is trying to make you live up to someone elses standard of size and beauty, instead of accepting and loving you as you are. The feelings of inadequacy is something he must work out for himself but you can show him how much you love him by NOT giving and buying him things. To be truthful, a hot bath waiting on him and a good home cooked meal beats the heal out of something you charged on your credit card. Buying and giving things only require you to give what you already have but the things that cost nothing require you to give of yourself, your time, energy and creativity all in the name of making the one you love happy. Long story short, he WANTED and NEEDED YOU and not THE THINGS you GAVE! Best wishes !

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  13.   lovelybbw says:
    Posted: 23 Apr 09

    Applause to the men here who are understanding, modern and appreciate their signifant other for the beautiful woman she is and not her money. I know all too well the pain of losing the man you love, over money and "stuff". I thought I was going the right thing and being a good loving woman when I 'bought' him what he wanted but that just seemed to throw gasoline on the fire. Lesson learned. A relationship is NEVER about $$$ or stuff, its about the two of you. I'd be just as happy with a man with lint in his pockets as I would be with a man with millions. I would hope the same would be true of the man looking for me.... Speaking of looking for me, if you see him, tell him were I am!!! Lovely One!

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  14.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    Bye the way / I brought forth All of Me into Our Relationship . Not just Money and material Belongings . Life is not meant to be an Adding Machine .

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  15.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    Men who achieved the success of getting Married at this site , who paid their Own money for membership and feel that their opinions are the same as others / Sometimes Correct - sometimes Incorrect . Yet half of Knowledge is ; knowing where to find it and the other half being the Desire to Learn from what one / Has found . Remember the Teachers in ones life seemed to be Older than Us and Wore nicer suits .

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  16.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    Daily Devotion , the many chores done with the hands and mind and in child raising / Togetherness in all things is the Key to Happiness in Life . Money has always been called the Root of All Evil . Learning to Live as a Unit / with what you have is the True Happiness in a Long Lasting Partnership for Life . Mutual Responsibility are the words , I was seeking .

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  17.   tdrom says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    Main point is people are too sensitive and need to feel secure in themselves first. I understand the author's points are valid. But two questions: why would you tell your friends and family how much you and your partner make? (Stupid!) Plus, people will always say something about what they fail to understand. So if its not how much more you make, its how better or worse you cosmetically look in comparison to your partner. Still see the utility in being sensitive about your partner's paycheck?? I hate saying it this way, but more than likely in my relationships, I would statistically have the higher salary. Not all the time, but mostly. So if you give expensive gifts, so what? What a person values is relative to that person. So I might give a car, but a gift in return could mean a romantic dinner or weekend getaway. That's what I like. Not equivalent montarily, but it shows effort and intent, not by measure. If I can give, why restrict the thought of giving or taking care of a person? If I have to think about how to "give" to people, I may as well not give, and then people would really have something to complain about. At the end of the day, a person should be proud of who they are and should not have to change their core because the other partner in the relationship is uncomfortable with the success of their partner. Its one of the things that attracts them to that person, so why all of sudden act like its not valuable. Don't look at the pay rate, which is subjective, but look at the time spent, the effort put forth, the perserverance and the humility this person uses in all aspects of their life and with their partner. For men or women who feel uncomfortable with the success of their partner, here's some advice: go find someone who is less successful than you are (salary-wise). Then you'll get the experience of whether money is an objective for you. And if its major priority, then you deserve the problems ahead, because "bigger" salary issue is the beginning of your problems. In the end, if you're that type of person, you probably don't deserve a good person like that in your life at the present moment.

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  18. Posted: 22 Apr 09

    M.Elliot - You've nailed it. All the woman has to do in this case is treat her guy financially like he would treat her if the incomes were reversed. It's the Golden Rule and it's easy to see, naturally and selflessly reciprocated in other ways, as you mentioned. If they both want the guy to gesture paying for something that's the gal's treat, how about a joint credit card? This does not work, of course, with selfish people (The worst are gold-diggers.) who do not see themselves first and foremost as part of a team that has vastly more worth than they have alone. I've seen a lot of women scared of users, who driven by that fear won't date a guy less wealthy then they are. The easiest way I've found to weed out fake people is to actively listen and observe their actions: Do they show how genuine they are? Is there a distant alarm ringing and red flags waving about them? It's sad because the synergies of a committed couple in love greatly outweigh these petty tit-for-tat games or even financial stress: If the financial stress is great enough, each will do their best to relieve it because of their commitment to making their romance successful and of their care for each other. It's also sad that these women don't take the example that's worked for many men for millennia and focus on the relationship, itself. The mistake here is paying attention to an ideal of a relationship, rather than paying attention to the relationship in front of them. At least three problems come from this: (1) No one will live up to ideals, so they're setting themselves up for future disappointment. Worse than that, the woman isn't falling in love with her man at all - She's falling for her ideal of his temporary position in life, ignoring who he really is! When he changes his position (or not, if she wants him to) because he's acting true to himself, she's going to be really upset and I've seen more divorces from a lack of understanding who their partner really is than other reasons. (2) Income equity being a basis for a relationship in someone's mind from the start is pretty short-sighted. I simply don't buy the "It's ok if there's income inequities after we're married but not before, so therefore I won't date anyone with less money." argument - Why in the world do you think wedding bells will magically change you? What happens when there's money problems later and the guy loses his career? Does he also lose his wife because of that? Guess what - The answer is all too often yes. Think about it from the other way around - Does the woman lose her husband because she's pregnant and wants to raise their children at home, forsaking her lucrative career for something more worthwhile? (3) Much more importantly, stuff that really shouldn't matter (who makes more) suddenly dictates the relationship - The whole focus is thrown off track. Lack of money can be a limit but trading a hint of that limit (income inequity) for a great love? I think it's a ridiculously selfish choice and I pity the women who have that as a selection rule. We've just got to carefully select and build our romance with quality mates, watching out for those red flags as we go and being prepared to act on them, to avoid future pain. This brings to my mind the question of self-worth: Is one's self-worth based on money and title or does one have those due to strong self-worth and that's just what's done because it makes one feel good? These attitudes will make a profound difference when the job's lost and by the way, we're expected to make an average 5 career changes, with that number rapidly increasing, so each of us are bound to have ups and downs in our working lives. All this is a long way of saying, to both guys and gals, choose wisely, actively listen and just as actively love each other and the details will take care of themselves. Money problems of the nature of "who pays for what" or other tit-for-tat games are a sign of something more seriously wrong in the relationship.

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  19. Posted: 22 Apr 09

    I SHOULD TURN MY PREVIOUS BLOG INTO A BEDTIME BOOK. OOPS. SORRY EVERYONE. MY FIRST BLOG AND I GOT CARRIED AWAY!!!

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  20. Posted: 22 Apr 09

    I hear what you're saying M Elliot. I'm quite successful and self-sufficient and I've never really subscribed to the 'man pays for dates' mentality and have always gone halves because I'm not used to accepting anyone's money, regardless of whether they are male or female (the way I was brought up). However, I do understand why some women (and recently even myself) look to a guy to pay for at least the first date: it's usually because we consider it a good inddicator of how interested and chivalrous a man is. If he is willing to invest (i.e dent his piggybank) to take you out, he must like you somewhat. I've also been told by men (that I have previously dated and later become friends with) that it can sometimes emasculate a man when he takes you on a date and you're always quick to try and pay, open your own doors etc etc it's like you dont allow him to be chivalrous / a gentleman. Therefore, it's true to say that its not just men but also women who are sometimes confused as to where they stand. We want to be independant women (and for the most part we are) but we dont want to be seen to act like men (thus removing the need for men altogether) so it really is a fine line to tread. Also, sometimes, letting a man pay teh way etc is a token gesture, just like when women pretend not to be able to solve a problem or open a tight jar etc (if you ever watched Hank yu'll know what I mean). Alot of the problem stems from, as you say, the origins of male / female roles which were more about team effort to survive rather than because one had a penis and the other had a vagina (with the eception of the mating process of course). These set roles worked well in a certain era, however, despite modern social advancements, these role perceptions have not having been updated to accomodate modern developments and this doesnt just apply to the stereotype of man being the provider but also the stereotype of "a woman's place being in the home" I remember having such a debate with my mother who is both non-western and old skool (many mammas and pappas are guilty of perpertuating outdated practices). She basically told me and my sister how it was important that we learned to cook so that we could learn to be good wives when the time came. Now, I understand how she may be well intentioned and I do agree as a woman you should learn to cook so that you can feed yourself and your kids but I am adamant, I'm not adverse to being washing, ironing and cooking for my husband as if it were my duty as long as he is happy to pay the bills. However, if we both pay the bills then we both need to keep the home. Anything else is just damn lazy / slave labour. After all, its, common sense. Who isnt tired after a looong day at the office. So the point is, it's not even about roles of male or female, it's just about team work and of course, pre 1950's most women didnt work because they couldnt get jobs but things have changed in the workplace so they must also change in the home but often they dont. Ultimely, on the argument of teamwork towards a common goal, if I earn more than my man and thus pay more of the bills, then I would expect him to balance this out by doing more of the housework or something. And vice versa. But herein lies the problem because what man's ego agrees with housework? Lastly, my last relationship ended along these lines. I earned 3 times what he did whereas he had to struggle to make ends meet as he was working his way up in the music industry. But we could never go out anywhere as a couple because he couldnt afford it. Whenever I offered to help pay his way a little (which I didnt mind cus I knew he loved me and I him), he would never accept because he was brought up by traditional parents. Also, because his mates would make fun. But this lead to a stalemate because it meant our relationship mostly took place in my house or his house. I also felt like I couldnt share with him any news of my financial successes because I always saw that little look of frustration in his eyes even though on the surface he would be happy for me. In the end, it lead to arguments that we could never do things together that cost money. In the end, we broke up because I didnt want to spend all my life indoors and always going out without your boyfriend only opens the door to temptation. He since told me that he wished he could buy me all the beautiful things in the world but couldn't which is stupid because I never asked for any of these things. So in a nutshell (apologies for the essay), it SHOULDNT matter that a woman earns more than her man, but we live in the real world and in practice it DOES matter on many levels - pride, ego, social values, even social and familial pressure, especially when the lines between men and women continue to become more and more blurred on a daily basis. :)

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  21.   M.Elliot says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    Please excuse the typos on my previous blog did not have time to make corrections.

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  22.   M.Elliot says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    Regarding financial struggles between partners of a relationship, I think th evidence is pretty damming that men in this age are not intimidated by what his significant other or girlfirend earn. Seriously,we live in a capitalist society and capitalism is fueled by self interest which benefit the individual and society as a whole. Therefore, it is in the self interest of a man to date a woman wih a great salary because he benefits from her capitol thus benefitng the society of the relationship as a whole. A bigger house, nicer car, more money for vacations, more dates at nice restaurants, better attire, larger stock profolio....the list goes on. Moreover, from a mans point of view more money eases the largest stressor of a relationship "financial problems". Yet, as aforementioned women do end to give mixed signals regarding their earning capacity capabilities and the effect it should have on the relationship. For instance the American time tradition of men paying for dates holds it's roots in the pre-femenist era where women were not allowe to procure jobs or obtain bank accounts to build individual wealth. However, in todays society women enjoy the benefits of high paying salaries and near equality in the employment. However, some women seemingly tend to revert back to the pre-femenist era regarding financial contributions to dates. Oftentimes, men are expected to pay for the majority of dates, whereas; some women feel that only birthdays, or holidays merit their financial contribution to the relationship. There is a dichotomy stemming from women views regarding financial independence which espouses the view that they are independant financially, but still require their significant other to finance the couples romantic lifestyle. Such a contradiction perhaps leads to the mispercepttion among men as to their role as a dominant financial provider or a equal financial partner in the relationship. Equal treattment across the board sometmes requires sacrafice of obvious beneifts which are onesided. It cannot be enough that one would be willing to pay for half of the dates or split the bill there must be some immediate action behind those words which show you seek equality in all things romantic and financial.For those whose salaries are not able to bare the burden of a financial hit associated with romantic dating action int he form of cooking meals, washin clothing, or other necessities required by your mate can be equity for their frequent financial expenditures on you. In essense you cannot seek equality in all things until you, yourself do equality in all things.

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  23.   hppyevfaftr says:
    Posted: 21 Apr 09

    I have NO DOUBT that my sister who is a well established doctor, earns Waaaaaaaaaaaaay More, than the "wives" from those posted here. I understand this forum/discussion, because I understand what the males have said... Having said that....... I would like to know, just why are Married Men, contributing so much to this column? On a personals site. Thanks for all the great advice, loving, devoted men. Seriously, maybe you should seriously question why. Married men nor women, should be on this site. "Contributing". Just an observation from someone whos' SISTER is outrageously big time, and the brother, who is just trying to find his way, w/ the right woman.

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  24. Posted: 21 Apr 09

    hazelpride what u mean ideal world man should be the provider? it's not a ideal world where women can make as men even more?

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  25.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Apr 09

    When People Learn money has nothing to do with LOVE , competition is in Relay Races and life is only one day at a time . Learn to Enjoy this Journey Together / Smile . We do , Hehe

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  26.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 20 Apr 09

    This only becomes an issue when the man has image issues within himself. If a man measures who and what he is by the number of zeros behind the 1st digit in his income, he'll always come up short. I do what I do because I love it and it pays enough to allow me to provide for my family. I'm not wrapped up in the outter trappings of sucess so my image is not based on my income. My wife has always made more money than me and it never was a problem for me because I'm sure if she wanted someone that made more she wouldn't have married me. I believe the respect comes from her knowing that if she quit her job tomorrow she wouldn't end up on skid row because I could provide us with a comfortable standard of living. I feel that's all any man should be asked to do and anything bling-ish should fall on the wife. I understand that my wife is my companion not my competition, so her earning more is not an issue with me, particularly when I know she'll give me anything within her means, just to make me happy! Sh*t, I'm not stuck on stupid! If she can pay the mortgage on a million dollar home, I'll lay down and wake up next to her every morning in that house! If she can buy a Rolls Royce fine, just make sure there's enough room for us to do "THE NASTY" on the back seat. If she can pay for us to go on vacation to some exotic island twice a year, I'll help her pack her bags. LOL Men, as your wife loves and respects you for you, hold on tight and enjoy the ride and don't worry about what her friends or family may think.

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  27.   hazelpride says:
    Posted: 19 Apr 09

    I totally agree with Kristen, yes women should not be punished for being successful, why should we, infact I applaud these women as most have a lot more issues other than their career going on. Yet under the same breath, in the ideal world man are all about providing and it should have some kind of effect on their male ego. I am sure there should be way of stating how sucessful women are without rubbing it in. Well just a thought. Good luck

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  28.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 18 Apr 09

    Marriage is a Team Effort / Mutual Togetherness , Shared Enjoyment . My Dream is a Ford Truck , I paid $100.00 for it / no longer runs - don't cost a penny for Gasoline . Soon enough to be Restored Antique . We ride Chauffeur driven Transportation.

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  29.   kristent says:
    Posted: 18 Apr 09

    While it is unfortunate that this article really expresses the way society feels about disparate incomes in couples, I refuse to bow to societies dictates in this instance. It isn't in my nature to brag about my salary, or tell anyone else what I or my partner makes, but I will not force myself to be "humble" about it. There are better things for men to define their masculinity by than by how much their employer is paying them. I want my mate to be a partner in life; each of us working together and being happy when the other finds success. If he has problems with me making more money, he will have problems with me being successful in other areas as well, and I don't need anybody else to try and hold me back in life.

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