When your spouse has a disease that rules out sex

Posted by Ria, 11 Aug 08

If your wife or husband had a skin condition that affects the genital area which makes it itchy and painful, or any other disease that rules out sex completely, what would you do … especially if you are very healthy with one very healthy sex-drive and frustrated, and at your wit’s end?

14 responses to "When your spouse has a disease that rules out sex"

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  1.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 10

    Oral Servicing is the answer. NO Problem.. Hubbie could jus pleasure me endlessly orally.

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  2.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 08

    well guys, this is a tough call yet its areality. What one needs to do is be sincere if its treatable then so be it.most diseases especially on genital parts are kind of contagious...but yr partner's your partner seek help and have a healthy life.

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  3.   lovelybbw says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 08

    Interesting question and responses! Disclosure is important in all aspects of a relationship! Part of the courtship ritual. If the disease is present prior to the marriage, one partner must give the other party full knowledge of what the future holds in terms of a sexual relationship. If it develops after the marriage, then both partners need to be creative and working around the issue. Reality is however there will be finger pointing of who gave what to whom.

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  4.   walligator says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 08

    Honestly...if this is something I knew about before the marriage...then I would not get married. If it developed during the marriage...I would find creative ways to sexual fulfillment. Sex is important... when we can have it...but intimacy and affection is something we can have all the days of our life

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  5.   Minosa says:
    Posted: 21 Aug 08

    A good friend once told me that sex is 90% mental and I think this is true. The other 10% can be dealt with perfectly with creativity and openness. Most of the time couples do not communicate on such issues to iron things out. But I am sure that if one had otherwise than sex a very good relationship why loose this if there are many ways to continue together unless one is open. If you do not discuss you will never know that maybe the one with the itch is open to the fact that you can go elswhere for your sex drive or even make it a couple adventure with a third party. This is not easy but still has potential to be a positive scenario.

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  6.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 08

    Morningflower expressed my feelings perfectly. This is going under the assumption that this is something that happened post marriage... otherwise, it should have been ironed out before marriage.

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  7. Posted: 17 Aug 08

    I'm going to be the opposition here. First of all, did the husband or wife have the disease before hand? If so, then I will say that that person knew that the other would be uncapable of handling their high sex drive. So, there should be no reason to back out now. Why get involved, spend time with each other, tell each that they love one another to only back out because of something that they previously knew about. That would cause a lot of heartache and pain for the one who has it. On the other hand, if the husband or wife contracted the disease afterwards, then I feel that the other should back out. If the husband/wife cared about their partner they wouldn't have cheated and contracted something in the first place. Why should the faithful partner continue to be there and loyal to the one who wasn't loyal to them. Is it fair to say, just because your needs aren't being met, you shouldn't leave him/her. No, it's right to leave because the other person left because, obviously, their needs weren't being met, so why should one continue to hold out on what makes them happy. True, sex isn't everything, but it is a major part of a relationship. It's a way of connecting with one another without words. Depending on the situation depends on how you make your decision. - If it was before the marriage, why leave now, obviously you married that person for something more than just sex. - If it was after the marriage, leave that alone, because there is always that risk of contracting something regardless of medication and safe pratices. Obviously, they did not love you enough to not get it in the first place. If you are healthy, stay that way and stay away. Like the saying goes: "It's better to be safe than sorry."

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  8.   tallwon says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 08

    It depends on what type of decease it is for example herpes really with medication and protection used properly you should be okay

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  9.   party1 says:
    Posted: 15 Aug 08

    2 days later and I am still blushing.Wow,,Whoa Nellie,Holy Mackeral Andy. A strong love can withstand obstacles and challenges .The situation prolly wouldnt be most peoples first choice,but that partner might be our first and only choice.Its a trade off I would likely make/take if all other areas of the relation were overwhelmingly strong. Suggesting the different "creative" options would be a new experience,,,at least for me lol.I know I know ,,new millenium ,get with the program.Old Dog new trick thang ,u know!!!Ay yi yi

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  10.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 14 Aug 08

    This is a tough one. I guess it depends on how much sex is a part of your relationship. If that's all it's about, well, do the math. I would like to think that if my spouse was incapable of having sex for some reason that I would accept that and love her as she it and remain faithful to her as I am. However until you put me in that cockpit and make me fly that plane I really don't know. I hope it doesn't happen and until it does how can anyone make a guarantee?

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  11. Posted: 13 Aug 08

    Wow! Marriage equals "for better or for worse" "In sickness and in health" BUT my question first of all is .. "was this a pre-existing condition"? because if it's not..then that is a whole different story. But if both parties entered into the union with the knowledge that one partner was infected with an itchy/painful genital disease.. well..I am sure they would need to deal with it to somehow accomodate the one who has a higher sex drive. This may mean being creative when it comes to making love, i.e. finding other ways to reach hightened sexual passion - toys for instance, role play.. mutual masturbation, Visual stimulation..the options are endless. (don't blush we are all adults here) :) You obviously love this person enough to be married to them despite what condition they may have.. so communication is key. If you cannot be comfortable enough to tell your partner what works and what doesn't then.. the relationship is doomed to fail. Sex is not the only component in a Marriage, but it sure does help if both parties reach their maximum level of satisfaction!

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  12.   chemo says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 08

    i believe one should let the other parner know that naturally one would like to have it and discuss what next,though that is not a basis for leaving each other because it will traumatize the one with the disease which is not fair.make your partner understand that its not his/her fault and again i believe that there arealot of remedies,i mean some styles that donot let contact

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  13.   Hazelpride says:
    Posted: 12 Aug 08

    Firstly, honesty should prevail and if love exist this will be less difficult to achieve. It is possible to love and accept a partner in a sexless partnership without being unfaithful, but if one sex drive is high it is probably most important to point out to your partner. Depending on the type of relationship you have a solution is made. Some may allow you to have safe but cusual sex to curb the high sex drive, or a full commitment and faithfulness, thereby meaning no sex at all.

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  14.   BEAUTYIS2 says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 08

    WELL FOR STARTERS IN OUR EVERY DAY LIVES WE WILL MEET PEOPLE WITH ALOT OF ISSUES,AND SOME CAN BE CURED AND OTHERS IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME,THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO BE IS HONEST WITH YOURSELF,IF YOU HAVE A HIGH SEX DRIVE YOU WILL CHEAT SOME WHERE DOWN THE LINE,SO WHY GET INVOLVED.PEOPLE TODAY HAVE REALLY SERIOUS ILLNESS AND THEY STAY AWAY,BUT THERE PARTNER STAY'S FAITHFUL SO I THINK THIS ONE WILL HAVE TO BE ONE'S CHOOSE AND REMEMBER NO MATTER WHAT LOVE THEM FOR WHOM THEY ARE NOT WHAT THEY GOT.

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