White men not attracted to Black women or just protecting their egos?

Posted by Ria, 16 Sep 11

white men black women attractionAs my fellow Opinion contributor James pointed out in a post (Is it about Black women being unwanted or about what Black women want) published a few weeks back, according to some internet studies, White men rarely approach Black women online. Given how much they approach women of other races compared to Black women, the media has come to the conclusion that White men don’t find Black women attractive. Maybe there is some general truth to this... maybe not.

However, the other day I came across sentiments of one White guy on the internet which kinda got me thinking…

“I am a white male, and I am attracted to many African-American females, but it seems that most African American females do not have an interest in white men. White men feel intimidated to approach black women.”

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

The thing is: Most Black women have publicly declared how they would rather have a Black man by their side. In fact, when they say there are a few good men to go around for them, its not just any good man they are talking about but specifically good Black men. Yes, they desire to have a good man by their side, on condition he is Black (at least that is the general impression the media portrays).

Looking at the citation above, could it be that the constant media portrayal of Black women being anti interracial dating is somehow holding White men back when it comes to freely approaching Black women? Could it be that its got less to do with them not being attracted to Black women and more to do with fear of rejection; the fear of getting their egos crushed?

134 responses to "White men not attracted to Black women or just protecting their egos?"

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  1.   neena206 says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 13

    hmmm interesting in my experience with dating more white men approached me than any other race. Actually, i never been approached by a black man..majority of them are either white or mixed races. Me myself, im a product of interracial relationship since my mother is Samoan and my father is Black. Needless to say I never had any issues. If i see something i want i approach it before it gets away. But i never been rejected over my race and i would never reject someone over theirs.

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  2.   woah81 says:
    Posted: 30 Mar 13

    Just learned the word ratchet from my sisters. Happygolucky is one mad ratchet black woman. That woman needs a hug. Preferably from a white guy or another like-minded black women. I am married to a beautiful loving black woman and so are all my black male friends from college. She needs to learn that experiences are very subjective. Possibly where she's from black men are aholes. i went to a predominantly white school there were more rapes by white athletes than the evil black men Happy hates. but i would not go as far a saying that only white men are rapist. i would have said that maybe she is just trolling to piss off blackmen into changing their ways, but she left the site so i guess she is just a hateful person that cant stand someone disagreeing with her point of view. Nonetheless, i do believe that there is a problem in African American culture regarding respect in discourse. They also have an absentee parenting problem that i the fault of both BW and BM. From my experiences with blacks and whites in american those two subjective ethnicities are mainly fabrications of a sick American culture.

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    • ria91 says:
      Posted: 13 Jun 13

      If you are already in a happy loving marriage why are you on this site?

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  3.   BarbieM59 says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 12

    To be straight up: A MAJORITY OF WHITE MEN ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO BLACK WOMEN. very rarely do you see a whiteman of modest to wealthy means that is trying to hook up with a black woman. I've had several secret and deep conversations in my life with white men who find that touching a black woman, being intimate with one is revolting. They are disgusted by the touch of a dark black woman, a dark vagina, and the smell of a black woman not washing her head and neck for the purpose of preserving her tracks/weave. This is also true for light skinnedblack women. The fact that you're still black is still disgusting to a majority of white men. Don't get me wrong, there obviously are white guys thy date black women but these are very very very few.and I'd they do, usually the white guy is a wigged or just an exception to the rule and most likely is not of good financial means. Tell mr when you have ever seen a white doctor, lawyer, executive, or business owner ever dating or married to a black lady. NOT NEVER. because not even black men want them. Black men love Asians, white girls, and Latinas. Black men constantly say that black women got attitudes, they're too loud, and don't know how to act in public. It the personality and character of a black woman that's the first turn off, even if a white guy likes black women. He surely won't want to bring her loud ass to his family gatherings. This is not to piss anyone off. It's just a reality the way I've known and seen it and lots of ppl would agree. Most white men, actually a majority of men in general, do not find black women attractive. The find them kind of yucky to touch.

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    • Randerson101 says:
      Posted: 06 Jan 13

      Wow! BarbieM59!!!! Do you honestly believe that.? I have never had problems with a white man not finding me attractive or hitting on me. Our skin is super soft. Why wouldn't they want to touch it? You're acting as if you're speaking for all white men . You seem to have some problems, and have the audacity to preface it with " don't be angry or this is just what they tell me" Also not all black women wear weaves and do not wash their hair. Seems to me that the things you day white men say are what you really want to say.

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      • neena206 says:
        Posted: 18 Jun 13

        I agree with you randerson 101..to me she seems like she's mad at all races. she's mad at some black men that date outside of their race and then she's mad at white men or don't. wow, she might as well go find a female. lmao

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      • neena206 says:
        Posted: 18 Jun 13

        correction * white men who dont.

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  4.   jason says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 12

    I'm not gonna argue about who likes who and why it's not my business what the next person is doing with his or her life i can care less.my only concern is my family people on here are way to serious to each it's own we all have are reasons why we date who we date why the need to air it out?,and then get upset when someone disagree hell i say feel free to disagree that's your problem shit just date who ever makes you feel good about yourself!!!!!.

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  5.   zaina1 says:
    Posted: 26 May 12

    I love black men,i love my race,i found our men strong in side and out.To deal with us( black women) they have to be like that.I am not telling they should be controlling,disrespectfull but most of us has temper. I notice either bw or bm changes when they date without their race.I don't why they could not do it with their own race. It is true white man prefer ligth skin and u can notice bw start using whithening cream to change their heritage.They not only doin it for white man but also for black man. But,i am not here to date a white man or black.The only things have to say BECAREFULL with the person you choose.This is advice is for any race. Sorry ,if i make mistakes cause English is not my primary language. Peace to all

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  6.   LeeLee says:
    Posted: 09 May 12

    wow wow reading the comments was just mind blowing. I sat on the other side of the globe and listened to many people across the globe, say that black on black hate in America was real. until these comments i did not even entertain the thought, because i grew up in a place where all people white, black, blue green, are taken for who thy are "ahole or not". I have lived in 12 countries and visited over 60. The only thing I learned is you have some ignorant people in all races. However the destruction of the so called black American family is just so sad to me. I say this a white man can never really love a black woman! Black woman become fed up and do not have the problem solving skills to cope. A black man can never really love a White woman! Forbidden fruit has always been tempting. My Russian best friend never did not the Philippino woman, "in his words she was just less trouble then the Russian woman. All mixed race relationships have an underline motive behind it. Most in these situations have self issues or other issues that they have yet to resolve. apologies if my English is not perfect, I'm new to English. a

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    • Taz says:
      Posted: 22 May 12

      @LeeLee All I have to say to your comment is Wow! You are so misguided in your thinking. Dating interracially is not the result of deep rooted issues, it is opening up your heart to love. It is no forbidden fruit, but finding love in people not just trying to find it in particular race that is the same as yours. Sometimes a black man cannot love a black women or vice versus. I tried so hard to please a black man because society told me that that is a perfect fit for me as a BW and I was mistreated, cheated on, lied to, but I still kept trying and dimissed any WM that tried to approach me because of the old myth that only a BLACK MAN CAN PROPERLY LOVE A BLACK WOMEN. Oh so wrong, so wrong. I have opened up to to love and now have met wonderful WM that want to love, provide and dedicate themselves to a BW. ALL MIXED RACE RELATIONSHIPS are just people wanting to find love and looking beyond color. Get a life LeeLee. Really what country are you in that you are feeding into this BULL""".

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  7.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 11

    @Reece I agree that location can be an issue because I've had BW from the D.C. area, Phoenix, Seattle and Chicago express the same issues. I guess if you're in a metropolitian area where they have high rates of IR dating then it's possible that more non BM might approach to ask you out. A lot of people tend to get hyped up about the small numbers of BM and BW who date IR but I wonder how many of these relationships result in marriage? Dating is one thing but marriage is a whole nother ball game. Dating is easy, it only requires your spare time and the exspense of a date but marriage is so much more demanding and it brings on a whole new set of challenges within itself. While dating it was just you and the other other person but marriage is the joining of two people, their families (possible drama) friends and careers. The stress of just trying to deal with a spouse is multiplied when you throw in family or friends that may not approve of your marraige choice but certain segments of the society in general. If you add in the balancing of social and political views between two people it also adds on more pressure so while a lot of people may be willing to date IR and test the waters some may not be strong enough to take that dive. IR marriage is not for everybody and thats why is better to find this out if this is the case while dating and not after getting married. I know people that will tell you," yeah I'll date IR but I couldn't see myself marrying IR"! Some people want to marry from amongst their ethnic group and there's nothing wrong with that, it's all about people being free to decide for themselves who they want and should their feelings change with time, it's all good. When you look at it, thats what dating is all about, it's like shopping for a shoes, you try on a few in hopes of finding a good fit and if you find what you like you keep it, if you don't you continue looking. It's all about finding the one that compliments you, not completes you, but compliments you. I've always believed two half people equal one whole mess so it's about both people being comfortable with themselves and not looking for someone to compensate for something they feel is missing. Dating is not only about us choosing but it entails us being accepted by the other person and we can't personalize rejection, although some of us do. I look at it like this, I only want the one that makes it known that they want me, so I'm not running after or behind no woman, if she cant meet me in the middle, maybe she didn't want to be bothered in the first place so I leave it at that. I don't need to know why she didn't select me, all that matters is___ she didn't and I can respect that and keep it moving. I respect her right to select who she wants and I respect myself enough not to get mad because she didn't. I saved myself a lot of head aches by adopting that mind set when I was out on the dating scene and it worked for me. Do yo thang Sis, I aint mad at cha!!!!!!!!! Love ya

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 18 Oct 11

      Correction--- I respect her right to select who she wants and I respect myself enough not to get mad if she didn't selcet me.

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  8.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 11

    @ kenesha76 You wrote: Men act. Women REACT. White men treat black women like jewels and black men treat white women like jewels. I dont know why that is, but testimonies hold true to this theory. RE: IMO I think people from different ethnicities make a way more effort to really get to know and understand the person that theyre dating due to their ethnic differences and maybe their lack of dating experience with someone from that particular ethnic group. Most but not all the time people from the same ethnic groups dont make that effort because they assume, hell Im blk and youre blk so theres no need to get to know or understand you because I come from a family of blk WM / BM and I understand them so I must understand you! No--------------, you understand the BW / BM in your family and the other BW / BM you dealt with but that doesnt mean that you understand and know me as an individual person. (singing) If you dont know me by now------you will never--- never--- never know me! Excuse me that song just came to me from out of nowhere. Once again were dealing with perception and Ill explain why. Its a turn on when anybody makes the effort to get to know you, they take your feelings into consideration but most important, they show that they find you worthy of their interest. Now that would do it for just about anybody regardless to sex, race, creed or color! Its feels good, its affirming and its what we all want in our relationships. We get into trouble when we fail to see the one were with not as an individual but as part of the collective in regards to how we relate to them and how we understand their needs and go about fulfilling them. I think people from the same ethnic group do it unintentionally more than on purpose. A lot of it comes from getting so caught up in trying to make a living and as a result of how we cope with the day to day pressures of life. All of this has an effect on our relationships because we relate to each other as a result of how we relate to the world around us, ie, the society, family, our jobs and a host of other relationships. We treat those from other ethnic groups like kings or queens as you stated not because its something related to them culturally, something inherent in their personalities or characters but its the result of having our emotional needs and desires fulfilled by them and nothing more. Why some BW and BM fail at doing this for each other is a book within itself. LMAO Rejection, feelings of abandonment and being unappreciated effects us (both men and women) more than our egos will allow us to admit. All too often we personalize rejection and we internalize abandonment. We end up feeling empty and then someone comes along and helps us through that by making us feel the exact opposite, of course wed cling to that person and this is only normal. Theres also a down side to this and Itll touch on that next.

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  9.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 11

    @ reeceIm glad that we at least understand each other even though we perceive things somewhat differently and please know I wish you and everyone else nothing but the best. I was just listening to a song by Morris Day entitled Love Is a Game You dont play to win you play to survive and its funny because it got me to thinking about some of the points that some of us were making in our comments. It got me to think back on a few of my relationships over the years particularly with BW and I had to laugh because Lord knows I didnt come close to winning but I survived. LMAO I can laugh now but there was a time when I was mad and bitter because Id been gamed ( so I thought) more than a few times by sisters, trust me the guys didnt call me NO PLAYER for nothing. When it came to love and women I was beyond remediation, Im talking fresh out of the box (brand new)! Finally I came to the point where I was like, Ive been bit by one dog too many, Im done trying to figure out the ones that bite from the ones that dont, hell Im not getting close to none of them.! One day after work a co-worker told me about a friend of hers that liked me and she gave me the ladys number and over drinks she asked me was I going to call her friend and I said, yeah Ill call her and we can go out and maybe hook up but thats about it. She asked me if I really like her friend was it possible to take things further than that and I told her I dont fool with sisters like that (meaning dating serious), not anymore! I now had to explain myself because being a BW herself she didnt take too kindly to me saying that, its almost like I disrespected her because she gave me that cold look thatll cut you in half. Im now cornered up because she wouldnt let me change the subject and she made me order her another apple juice and vodka because shes now determined to find out what the hell was my problem. (in her words) I explained all the drama, the frustrations and disappointments Id experienced with some of the sisters Id dated and she listened very closely and I thought I had a sympathetic ear when out of know where she verbally sucker punched me. She said, sweet heart (being sarcastic) you know what you problem is, let me tell you, ITS-------- YOU! WTF, I couldnt believe she said that, I took back the drink Id bought her because now Im mad and now shes got some big time explaining to do. She told me it wasnt about the women it was about me and the unknown reasons why I was attracting these women. I was like, so now its my fault? Only after I gave her back her drink would she explain, so I gave it back plus I ordered her another one because I wanted to find out what the deal was. She told me, youll continue to have these problems no matter who you date because THE GAME will stay the same no matter how many times you change THE PLAYERS! Long story short she told me that I was attracting these women because I was trying to compensate for something I felt I lacked and by being with these women I could somehow make up for the things I felt I was missing and maybe these women picked up on it and ran with it. Id came to see that the relationship was one sided because I found myself always giving and her always taking and Id get frustrated and walk away disappointed and mad. It wouldnt be long before I was right back at it again with another sister. I was crazy and didnt even know it. I was blaming these sisters when in fact I was in the wrong because I was trying to do the right thing but for the wrong reason while unknowingly using these women in the process. What was my problem? Like many young BM at that time, I had a need for outside validation and affirmation and I more than likely suffered from the Super Man complex. I was attracted to emotionally and sometimes financially needy women because they provided me with the chance to play Super Man until my artificial high would come down and reality would set in. I was living a lie because the relationship from my end wasnt real. I guess you could say I was an emotional gold digger and due to my own neediness I was trying to distort reality. Id play this game until it became painful then Id start pointing fingers at these women, it was a mess. Im so thankful that this beautiful sister helped me to see that I was crazy as hell and unless I got myself together Id never have a wholesome and loving relationship. She helped me to see that frustration, pain and disappointment can warp your view of reality and lead you to make assumptions based on your unpleasant experiences. I couldnt see what the truth was so I blamed these sisters, closed myself off from them and by possibly opening myself up to other women I thought that would somehow solve the problem. Silly me, silly me! Im so glad I got myself together instead of going out there with my head all messed up and getting some unsuspecting woman caught up in my foolishness. I got off that crazy train and didnt take another woman along for the ride, thank Jesus! LOL I stated before, its not WHAT you do but WHY you do it, these ego defense, reactionary, compensatory, ego-driven, assumption and perception based motivations for seeking a relationship is a set up for failure and disappoint, been there done and done that! Yeah I put my business out there but at least you all know how I got the name NO PLAYER, now have a laugh at my expense! ROTFLMAO

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  10.   TinaDurden says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 11

    wow. I have totally neglected my homework reading all of the comments and different views. love it!

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 15 Oct 11

      Thank you for sharing. I think you are probably right to some extent with me that some of it is probably my issue with bm. It is odd to hear bw like rain say that the white men she encountered just wanted sex. It has been the completely opposite with me. I am educated and self sufficent, but when I really look at it. It might just be location I am in Washington state the ir capital of US. The majority of bm here are with non bw. And now the reverse is also becoming true. But when I think about the white men I meet they are normally from my job or jazz alley. The bm I meet are from the bar so maybe that more than anything accounts for them being more inclined to want sex because if I look at the white men I meet at bars they generally want sex as well. It might just all be conwenceadence. But the majority of the time no matter where I go the majority of men who approach me are nonblack. I joined another website (dating) I had 210 hits in less than 3 days and not even 30 of them were black go figure.

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 15 Oct 11

      And not on ir dating site either.

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  11.   yram says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 11

    I read and re-read many of the posts and I cannot understand when it became another individual's right to be angry at the personal choice(s) of a fellow human being. As women we are entitled to get wrapped up in the man who treats us respectfully and who communicates and takes care of home. Women, regardless of color, choose a mate based on your own standards, values and principles and men, look for similar things that make you want to "run" home to your woman. I have been on this site for some time now and I have communicated with some members and the one common theme is that each individual is looking for.....{drum roll please} LOVE! But this begs the question, what is love? and this question will get a different response from a different individual each time the question is asked. So what are you looking for on this site? A woman/man from your culture? No? Then let your profile show and stop the madness. Our experiences direct our expectations. My best relationship was with a Caucasian male~and some of the men of my culture have contributed to a woman's desire to seek happiness first, instead of settling for cultural expectancies. The same is true of men~all they want is to be happy and drama free~and women (and men) have to make the choice that they want to live with. We owe it to each other to be respectful of a person's choice regardless of color, ethnicity or culture! Live and let live. Peace

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 12 Oct 11

      @yram -- No one got angry over BW choice of companion, most BM that responsed on this subject got pissed off after being trashed by happygolucky. I'm sure you've seen BW do the same when some BM makes stupid generalizations about BW. We not only owe it to eachother to be respectful of eachother's choices but we owe it to ourselves not to spit on each other as some of us do. Live and let live but leave BM alone because it's hard enough fighting against the racist elements within the society, much less now having to fend off BW Best wishes in life and in love!

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  12.   Kenesha76 says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 11

    I like this article. I'm glad more white men are finding the courage to approach us and that we are open to dating them as well. Once upon a time, a black man was our protector, our provider, the head of the family, the image of ourselves. Somewhere along the line, we lost that. Somewhere along the line, we all simply became [those of us in the US] Americans. The culture has changed a lot since the civil rights days, when black people had to stick together to survive. Now that we're doing more than surviving, we can focus on our individual needs and not view ourselves as a collective. This would be the case anyway on the African continent, as we derive from various [divided] tribes anyway. Personally, I'm truly interested in how the white man loves . . . as opposed to the black man. The white man's struggles in life are different than the black man's . . . confidence in belonging is different . . . pride and ego . . . patience and kindness . . . all these things vary from person-to-person and often from race-to-race, background-to-background. Some generalizations hold [mostly] true. For example, Asian people have a strong sense of culture, spirituality, family, and religion. This is true with various countries and cultures. The US is a melting pot of cultures that make up one free culture, one in which each of us makes our own rules and lives out our own truths. I believe in the philosophy of RELATIVISM. Each of us is making our decision to date whom we wish based on relativism. How have the men in the previous race[s] handled or mishandled us? What was lacking in those other relationships that we think is possible in other relationships? I thank God for the freedom to find out these truths for myself. I'm excited at the prospect of dating a man who can appreciate me . . . all of me . . . as is . . . a beautiful black woman, ready and willing to be loved by a decent man who has been shown proper love in his life and doesn't even have to think of how to reciprocate. Yes . . . I'm ready for my white man now.

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  13.   blaqbeauty4 says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 11

    Great article with valid points.

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  14.   Rain110 says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 11

    Box3u....tell me what matters..are you a man or woman,no one said you cant date outside your race....you have lost me on this one.....i dont expect you to care.....this may well be why you have chosen to color outside your circle..you have lost all hope in BM....or you've given the notion to BM....you just dont give a dam....meanwhile ill just bash BM to prove to WM that you really dont date BM. Whatever the case maybe you be real about it.....i care...i think this is why I can pull these mens of their standards....they are not all BM.........i care....you live,laugh and love..for you not to care how are you able to do the 3 L's........peace.

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  15.   syra27 says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 11

    I am a black woman who have not dated outside my race, yet. I am looking and I am not picky on appearance or age. I am seeking a man who is NOT black because I want to know for myself if the grass is greener on the other side. I have to be honest though, it's not easy and I want to give up and settle for black men sometimes, but I won't give up on either race. What ever the color I just want a nice, affectionate, honest, open minded man who is gentle towards women. What ever the color.

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 15 Oct 11

      I didn't hear her bassing bm. She just said that she is looking outside the race. Not everyone who dates outside the race exclusively bashes bm. It might be about culture and acceptance. You know there is a bw type that is not accepted in black culture and same can be for black men. I have a friend she is in a vampire lifestyle, listens to heavy melal slam dancing, hobbies include sky diving and kayaking. I wasn't one bit surprised when I met her white husband. The ideal of what black is sadly leaves some bw/bm out. I hear bm talk about not having swag or bw who are educated who are told they talk white. So there will be some people feeling like they are outside the culture until we become more accepting to each other. White people can listen to all kinds of music, do any activities or anything else without other white people trying to take away there culture or race.They are not deemed to have self hate or be a traitor.

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  16.   box3u says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 11

    it doesnt matter we are free to date who we choose so who cares about your comment this is a site where there is plenty of white men dating and marrying black women stop the drama where there is none. and love attraction doesnt only come in just black and white a lot of black women are dating hispanics, asians, italians. so enjoy this site and search for love and stop the drama.and live, love, laugh.

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  17.   Rain110 says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 11

    Yes,yes...and yes. Noplayer thanks for the keeps...ww3 sure has taken its place..may I address this @ happygolucky. Iv had 2 wonderful marriages.....one has a PhD in education and Omega Phi/Q-dog.....bow-wow........the other a successful business owner. Me, im just an ole high school complete......i turn down men such as MDs (Medical Doctors as well as Attorneys, ill give you a bit more..Real Estate owners, my dirty underwear you cant wear...never try....there IS NOT bastards born in creation and I know, you know how that enter our community. I somewhat would like to know who knocks at your door..if its the kind that kicks my door in....what would you do, offer yourself and fall into those cold sheets or maybe youll strike up conversation on how good you are in bashing your kind (BM&Bchildren). Ask me.....you dont have what it takes to get a man of those standards,of course..not even a date or marriage, you want to know what you will be..if one choose you....im happy to incline...his bed fleas, a true street whore will top you on any given day.....what I hold...its Rain110 secert..not victoria's..... Peace,

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  18.   MS.Rachelle says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 11

    And if women want men to be in their children's lives they need to stop having unprotected sex with every man that gives them a little attention.

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      Nobody is having sex with every man in there lives. Also women who were married whose father's aren't in the kids lives after the divorce.

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    • Kenesha76 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      wow . . . as a woman who married before baring children, i find this post very offensive. i thank God my ex-husband loves our little princess and gives her all the love he can give. know this though . . . this is my blessing from God. it is not my own doing. plenty women were in loving relationships with men who turned out to be strangers once the responsibility of a child came into play. women can only control one person in a relationship. yes, many abuse relationships and end up with children they have to raise alone, but it always takes two. the responsibility rests on both parties having unprotected sex. it just happens that mothers have a body-bond that usually maintains the mother-child status as "together." so many women raise children alone. it's truly unfortunate and i could not "get off" by judging them. most of them have not behaved any more promiscuously than the rest of us. perhaps, many other women got abortions, or just didn't get "knocked up." still, they're having just as much sex as the others and have a private way to cover their own asses. so, please . . . with the judgmental attitude and aggression towards other women on that "sex with every man that gives them a little attention." man, if we all could see one another's TRUE HISTORY, we would not be so judgmental of others. i think we should be more gracious towards one another. more encouraging. but, that's just me. i love people and hate to see us try to hurt one another . . . especially with judgment, because . . .As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: Romans 3 and 10 We all fall short, baby girl. Get over yourself.

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  19.   pinky90 says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 11

    personally i love white men and they seem to love me they don't approach us because they are scared of rejection just like everybody else and in my opinion black men these days are not really approaching black women i don't even think they are very interested in us all i see today is mostly interracial relationships and to be truthful i think black men started that off so black women got fed up and went outside of there race.

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  20.   cakelady1 says:
    Posted: 03 Oct 11

    Hi Baybegurl007, I enjoy reading your posting. You touched on this subject with respect and intergrity. You made your point without offending anyone. Thank you for that. I never want to come off as angry or mean because we are sterotyped as being that way and it is important for us to be viewed for our qualities and intelligents. Blessings in your search.

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  21.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 03 Oct 11

    I was just thinking shes (happygolucky) is always telling BM to go and marry their babys mother but I guess its never dawned on her that, had these ladies made these guys first prove themselves worthy and then insist that these guys marry them before impregnating them, she wouldnt be wasting her breath talking the trash that shes now talking. I guess personally responsibility only applies to young BM. I wish I had a dollar for every time Ive heard some sister on this blog or elsewhere preaching the very thing that some of them have failed to practice. I guess she never knew of the girls back in the hood that fell head over heels for some clown because he had a car, dressed real nice or he could dunk a basketball, never mind he didnt have a pot to piss in and dirt to poor it on. I remember being passed over more than few times for drug dealers by these same girls in the hood, only for them to end up knocked up with two and three kids and him dead or in jail. I perfectly understand that wisdom doesnt come with youth but I know a more than a few sisters (college educated, professional and high income earners) still falling for the same old game that cats was running back in high school. I work with a sister (bless her heart) that got caught up in a situation where she fail for the okie doke. She hooked up with a brother that had all the fixings and this cat really had her going. She thought shed finally found someone on her level and shed live happily ever after. This guy didnt fool with average women because theyre not considered a big score but the sexier, the more degrees, the bigger the house and the higher the salary, the bigger the score. Long story short, this beautiful, intelligent and successful sister was taken for a ride and as we talked and she told me about how things went down and I told her what he did and how he did it because she couldnt put two plus two together to save her life or maybe she didnt want to. I told her that this was a guy that knows how lonely a lot of successful women are, he knows that many are social status conscious to a fault, many are in their mid 30s with their biological clocks ticking away and theyre ready to get married and complete this fairly tale love story that many of them have in their heads. This guy knew the right spots to hit and he pounded her from the start because he feed her the very thing she hungered for but little did she know, shed end up paying for a very expensive meal. I mention this to say that whenever we allow our desires / hungers to control our ability think, analyze situations based on reality and we permit our feelings to do our brains job then we set ourselves up for failure. My lady friend made a bad choice in a man because she looked at everything but the most important things, she opened herself up based on his outwardly appearance, she thought if everything about him looked right then he must be right, da-uuuuh, WRONG!!!!! She failed to learn a unique lesson that you can only learn by shopping for meat. I remember as a boy when my mother went to the store to buy ground beef shed make the clerk take the meat out of the display case and sit it on the counter then shed look at it, smell it and have the clerk to break it in half so she could look at the center. I once asked her why she made the clerk do all of that and she said to me, son, people will try to sell you anything if they know youll pay for it and the only thing between them and your hard earned money is your paying attention to what theyre trying to sell you! What good is it to go shopping without knowing how to shop wisely? We all hunger for true love and companionship but thats no excuse for not paying attention. Believe me, you have people (men and women from all ethnicities) out there trying to sell nothing more than a dream and theyre just waiting on a fool to buy it. Will you be that fool?

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    • odel68 says:
      Posted: 04 Oct 11

      i find NOPLAYER to be one of the more reasonable people on this blog. why there might be a few things i disagree with they are minor. overall his points are well made to where even if i don't agree i can still see where he is coming from and have a better understanding of a different point of view. one thing i learned being married to a bw was we both grew up in America but my America was different from her America. everyone's experiences and reactions are different because we are individuals. i personally prefer not to date a bw who only dates wm. i would like someone to choose me based on who i am, not the color of my skin or my race. my brother fits pretty much every negative thing said about bm on this blog. but my brother has been with the same woman for the last 14 yrs. he changed and so can any of the bm that are talked about so negative on this site. people can change, for better or worse. thank you, james

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 05 Oct 11

        @ odel68 You show that it's possible to disagree without being disagreeable. I know we all will not agree on every comment made on this blog but the purpose is to try to at least understand where the other person is coming from. I try to take something away from every comment that I read even if I may disagree because it may have bruised my masculine ego, I try to look past my ego and get at the truth of the matter. If I can see truth in what you say I'll check my ego and stand with that truth. The truth regardless of how painful is on my side if I look at it , recognize it for what it is and act on it. I learned years ago to be careful of those who always tell you what you want to hear because if they're not willing to tell you the truth about you they're really not trying to help you be your best. I'll close with one of my grandmas quotes: There's no need to LIE on a person because the TRUTH about them is bad enough! Peace!

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        • odel68 says:
          Posted: 07 Oct 11

          i like that you always work an example or a quote from a family member into what you are saying. it shows the that contrary to what society believes that there are young bm who are raised in good families, who have listened to the wisdom handed down from their parents and grandparents, and have put these truths to work in their own families. i look forward to more stories and quotes. be blessed, james

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  22. Posted: 02 Oct 11

    SHOCK AND AWE, SHOCK AND AWE...the drama, the drama....lol. I want to say bravo @ r3llim and NOPLAYER....very good, well written points and I wholeheartedly believe that "happysolucky " needs both Jesus and psych meds. That chick definately lost Interracial Dating card as far as I am concern. Purely dillusional if she believes WM are any different than BM in any regard...that includes being baby daddies & any other pathetic ill-willed statement she made. I personally can not understand how an individual born from both - what appears to be a BW and BM can be so foul, it is absolutely a disgrace regardless if you date within or outside your race. Let me inform you that I date primarily light-skinned men...because your skin is white does not mean you are "caucasian" or as it is suggested here WM...just sharing some knowledge here... my first grade school kiss (kindergarten...lol) was from a blonde haired, blue eyed cutie..and yes I still remember his name. A man can be light-skinned and be puerto rican, spanish, dominican, brazilian, italian, sicilian, colombian, cuban, mexican, hispanic, latino, russian, german, greek, jewish...etc, etc....and some of these ethnic groups have skin colors that can become as dark as mine, with or without assistance from the sun or tanning salon...lol. Racial diversity, americas big melting pot ;-) I digress, back to the article at hand. From my personal experiences, rarely have I had a WM walk directly over to me. WM truly looks for signals of interest....a smile, a wave of the hand, a facial expression of some sort, meeting of the eyes.. a way of assuring mutual interested in them, before they approach. So, if there is no signs of interest- there is no approach, pretty plan and simple. It is the same here on Interracial Dating . Someone has to make the first move to get any possible communication going. I wish everyone good luck in your search. Peace, Love and Interracial love to all.

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  23.   cakelady1 says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 11

    Hi Happygoluckys, I wanted to comment on what you said. Based on my post the brothers do not love me....When I said I love my brothers and sisters I do because we are of the same race. I made poor choices at the age of 21, I don't blame anyone I took responsibility for my actions and turn the negative into a positive. I love myself so my brothers are not impacting my life, feelings, or decisions I do. I am not angry with my brothers why? because I have biological brothers who I love very much and they are good men. We were taught to not see color and date who will make you happy. My siblings and I date outside of our race but that does not mean we should not love and respect the culture we were born into.

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  24. Posted: 01 Oct 11

    Its been fun posting on this thread but I am done! This thread will be overrun by bitter black babydaddies who were raised by single mothers and are spoiled immature and used to women listening to their b.s. Ray-Ray don't nobody want you but hood rats and overweight white women. But if you are making good money you are able to date a higher class of ww. As always, I say this to black men: GO. MARRY. THE. MOTHER. OF. YOUR. CHILDREN. But they won't and the black community will further sink into a violent cesspool of sell out black men who do not protect nor honor their children and won't even marry! This thread is not even about black men but here they are! Black men are selfish and stupid the whole world sees them for what they are: laughingstocks, the only man who makes money dissing the woman of their tribe. To all the white men posting, thanks... and keep approaching, dating and marrying black women. PS The interracial couples who stay married longest are WHITE MEN AND BLACK WOMEN. Good bye www.beyondblackandwhite.com

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    • Kenesha76 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      LOL " . . . hoodrats and overweight white women . . . " Hilarious. I can see both your points of view. I've seen [in print] and observed [right in my neighborhood] the statistics of what you're saying here that hold true. WOMEN ARE REACTORS. WE REACT TO TREATMENT. So, when you see a black man with a white woman and he's saying, "she's so sweet and kind and knows how to treat me . . ." she is REACTING to him treating her like a queen. When you see a black woman "goin' off" about how black men mistreat her, "she is REACTING to being mistreated." Men act. Women REACT. White men treat black women like jewels and black men treat white women like jewels. I don't know why that is, but testimonies hold true to this theory. With that said . . . I'm ready to meet a charming, educated, confident, non-egotisical, non-massongonistic, selfless man who plays SOFT music in his car just for the two of us [not the whole neighborhood] and likes to treat me like a lady. I am SOOOOO READY. Sorry for the venting, but I hope my point got through to someone. lol Love you guys!

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    • rachybaby says:
      Posted: 10 Oct 11

      Good bye and good riddance...

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  25.   Whatdolike says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 11

    Its a problem that will not end im sorry you had to go though that .my last wife is black she took ill with high suger and bipolor and cant control her anger I could not help her we was married for 10 years and togTherfor 12 I now have her three sons witch I have coustdy of yea its sad im getting throuh this with the help of our boys my sons tells me to move on and find me another wife my heart is set on a african woman even if I have to go to africa, single parent and looking

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    • syra27 says:
      Posted: 07 Oct 11

      You are a very strong man and I hope you find what you are looking for. I am looking too.

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    • Kenesha76 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      wow . . . a beautiful story. stay encouraged. because of your kind heart, i believe you will find another good black woman. there are many of us out here . . . only needing someone to recognize our value. God bless.

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  26.   brainactcpa says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 11

    You probably right it kinda interesting they are having this conversation because being on this site every africa american female has for the most part is white male all over their page ther are not promoting the black male at all. So a black malw want not have any opportunity with black female here it just not working it all white male what i have seen.

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    • brainactcpa says:
      Posted: 01 Oct 11

      In my inpinion I truly don't think all black beat or abuse any woman it is a case by case situation I am most certain that it happen in other race as well.

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      • happygolucky says:
        Posted: 01 Oct 11

        Then you are naive and you darn well know it! Look around your hood. You know it! Darn, why are black men so silly? The whole world knows our biz it's clear we are failing as a people and the answer is for black women to date outside the race, as BLACK MEN have been doing for ages. I will not be responding anymore on this thread and I am happy my posts are here to show that all black women are not drones we are not all buying the okay-doke. ps GO. MARRY. THE. MOTHER. OF. YOUR. KIDS.

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        • r3llim says:
          Posted: 02 Oct 11

          Why are black men so silly? Golly gee wiz happygolucky, I just plum don't know. I think it might have to do with something about why black women are so easy in getting shagged up? Why is it that black womens legs are are like peanut butter and just spread everywhere producing a herd of babies? Its not like the main issues involves with black communities failing are the lack of wealth being kept in the community, decline in entry level employment, poor parental supervision, poverty, limited resources in public education have anything to do with the shape of the black community. Its just that black men not marrying black women because were chasing Asians and Latinas (at low numbers mind you). And you think black women's salvation is to marry a white man? Okay fine, say all black women come to their senses on this. What makes you think white men want anything to do with you knowing that BLACK MEN COME FROM BLACK WOMEN? If black men are these failures you speak of then who would want to be with anything that breeds them. You can harp all you want about black men being trash and baby daddies but apparently black women aren't so much of a prize either because many of them are willing to have sex with these bums. Oh I forgot because black men placed a voodoo spell on black women to tell them to not date outside their race. Not because are free thinking or the survey from this blog about white men's opinion about black women had anything to do with it. ps BLACK. WOMEN. KEEP. YOUR. LEGS. CLOSED. DO. THAT. AND. YOU. WON'T. HAVE. TO. WORRY. ABOUT. CONVINCING. A. MAN. TO. MARRY. YOU. BECAUSE. YOU. HAVE. CHILDREN. WITH. HIM.

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 03 Oct 11

            Now you guys are just pissing me off. There is no statistics showing bw are having more sex than any other race, in fact it shows we are more sexually conservative than women of other races. And less than bm. Why the hell do you guys care why she tells women who are already on the ir dating site to date non bm. That is why we all are on here. And then talk all this love bm have fro bm on the ir site. Really. I disagree alot with what she says but do wonder why you guys are on here trying to tell bw that we have no choice, but sticking with the bm. When yall don't even date bw, why aren't you like good riddence.

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          • r3llim says:
            Posted: 05 Oct 11

            @ Reese I only made that comment to actually piss happygolucky off so for that let me say I'm sorry that you or any other person was offended. Reese please show me anywhere in my comments where I said black women should not pursue white men. Or that black women should only stick with black men regardless of how they treat them. Or no other men find black women in all of their forms to be desirable. I only mentioned "this love bm have for bm on the ir site" because contrary to the many black women there are black men who still appreciate black women. It wasn't a pick up line but a fact used to dismiss happygolucky's claim that all black men have no desire to be with black women. My anger over happygolucky's comments were not because she had a preference outiside of black men. It was because out of no where she managed to drag black men into the dirt when the topic had absolutely nothing to do with them. the article was solely about white men and no one else. But like always a black man has to be next to Satan in order for some black women to justify being with a white man. Hell I agreed with some of her points just not to the extend she was trying to make it out to be. Also if you wonder why some of us are angry at her comments when we are not interested in her, tell me this: why are you angry at my comments if you are not interested in me. Is it because they were indirect insults to you being a black woman. If so then congratulations. Now you know how I felt about happygolucky's comments about black men. Why didn't you tell happygolucky to just say good riddance to black men if she does not wish to pursue them? Or tell her to stick to the topic of the blog which was about the survey that examined only white men. Please don't get upset when a black man defends himself from being needlessly insulted. Happygolucky wanted a bitter black man so she found him.

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 05 Oct 11

            I am not offended. I understand your point. I didn't attact her say anything to her because I saw she wasn't to see a different side, I said in my post that there were good bm and explained how my father raised us. But I ask you this why were so many bw seeing her point dispite the statistics you quoted. Logical bw like myself who already had thoughts similar about bm wanting bw there must be more than media that made us feel this way.I know that she is not receptable to any argument that I would make. You were probably just reacting to what she said, but you unknowingly proved her argument about what bm feels about us(even educated pre-med). I hear bm who clown bw all thoughout blogs with things similar to what she says, But I always talk about how it isn't true and try not to down bm as a whole because I don't think it gets nowhere. If I can give you some friendly advise? Don't get in these type of debates because you will just upset yourself. I always make the argument if everything is so right with your ir relationship than why the all the anger. I think that is true in this case as well. I still respect you and wish you all the success and happiness in the world. But you are above that type of comment.But I have reacted and said things in the same not so long ago. End of the big sister lecture.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 06 Oct 11

            @Reece Please, dont get pissed, no one is suggesting that BW in general are promiscuous. I was making a point that if shes labeling BM as a bunch of baby daddies then BW had a part to play in becoming babys mamas. She only wanted to put the blame one way. Speaking for myself and Im sure many other BM, I dont have a problem with BW dating IR, I really dont, I only have a problem when were painted with an evil stroke and were used as justification for some BW dating IR and when they try to come off as if men from other ethnicities are saints and BM are satan. None of us can assume that just because someone dates IR that they have no interest in someone from their own ethnic group unless they specifically state so upfront and Ive seen more BW on this and other blogs make it known up front and in yo face, I DONT DO BM than Ive seen brothers making that claim about BW. Even with that said its not a big issue because over 95% of BM that married within the last 10 years married BW so those who date / marry IR is a very small minority, so its nothing to be too concerned with. I think it becomes an issue when people start dogging each other as a means of justifying why theyre dating IR, when no justification is needed at all. Its not WHAT you do---its WHY you do what you do---and you should do IT regardless of WHAT someone else is doing. You shouldnt date someone from another ethnic group for no other reason than, BECAUSE YOU CAN AND YOU WANT TO, its that simple! It shouldnt matter if less than 2% or more than 95% of them are dating someone from another ethnic group, you should date who you want because YOU WANT TO. Im still trying to find where its written that says you must close yourself off from your own ethnic group in order for you to love someone from another and vice a versa. If love has no color and knows nothing of ethnicity why would a person reject love if it came from someone in their own group, if we say, all we want is to be wanted, loved but most of all appreciated, it shouldnt matter who its coming from, if love is love? Im just trying to apply some logic here! If my home was threatened with foreclosure and I didnt have the money to get caught up on the payments Id gladly take the money from whoever would be so kind and thoughtful to give it to me. LMAO You cant base love around preconceived notions and myths about other people and their ability to love and relate because those are no different than ethnic sexual stereotypes and we all know none of that foolishness is based on solid fact. You asked why are brothers on an IR site trying to convince BW not to date others when they dont even date BW. I stated earlier you cant assume because hes on an IR site that he doesnt date BW unless he tells you and who knows, maybe hes open to dating more than just BW and the same goes for BW. I know I've never tried to convince BW that they had no other opitions because I respect your right to date who you want and I got too much dignity and self respect to watse my time on any woman that makes it known she don't want to be bothered with me. I don't personalize BW dating IR, it's not either / or with me and I don't see their acceptance of some else as a rejection of me. IMO its not about BM not wanting BW to date non BM, most of the time the drama starts when someone ( BM or BW) says something stupid and you know us, we throw responses like fist. (LMAO) You know us and you know most of us wont sit back and allow ourselves to be trashed like that, I know I wouldn't. In closing, I respect you for your civility but most of all your class! Best wishes

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 07 Oct 11

            Much appreciated brother. I don't know maybe I was having a bad day. I have nothing but respect for you and 3llim. But I think we just see things differently because we are in different places. What I heard from her was not an attack on bm with the first statement. I think that what she talked about was a lack of appreciate for bw particularly if you don't look a certain type of way. Honestly although I date bm I often wonder if I am wasting my time because I doubt they would get or appreciate a chick like me because of whatever reason. The ratio of bw to bm being 2 to 1 and bm know this. And I am also someone who has always been attracted to nonblack men as well. I know you guys don't think it is as bad as we see it. And I think the % of ir relationship are higher unless you are doing us all as one group and the % of bw are bringing the number down. I also wish you nothing, but happiness and success.

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        • Reese says:
          Posted: 07 Oct 11

          Thank you player, much appreciated. I do see that it is a issue of perception. I have same wishes for you as well. I think that my perception is different on the issue. I don't think it is not so much of not thinking bm can love so much as thinking bm can love and appreciate a bw like me. I think that is what alot of women feel that they are looking outside the race besides attraction ofcoursc because I wouldn't date outside if wasn't attracted. And wm don't have the same standards which I talked about above. I have the same wishes for love and hope for you.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 12 Oct 11

            @ Reese -- Best wishes to you as well and I hope you'll find true and everlasting love! Peace!

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      • reese says:
        Posted: 01 Oct 11

        It is an interacial dating site. So bw on here are looking for ir relationships like everyone else on here.

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      • Ebony1111 says:
        Posted: 01 Oct 11

        I have been in relationships previous before my marriage! I have been married for 18 years! All the the black guys I have been with has abuse me physically and emotionally ! And they all was BM !

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        • rachybaby says:
          Posted: 10 Oct 11

          And your point is?? I have news for you: white guys also physically & emotionally abuse people/women too...

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  27.   Ebony1111 says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 11

    I love white guys and dated them since my divorce, they know how to love more instead of blaming the world for there wrong actions! I found to be more romantic! The old saying once you black you do go back!!! I went white I'm not going back!!!! Lol , all my life I was beating by BM , I have been married for over 18 years ! I in my whole 18 years of marriage ! It was abuse to me there! But I took it because I was one of those dumb woman's that didn't want to be alone!! Until one night the beating go so bad until he beat un conscious ! I ended up on life-support!

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    • reese says:
      Posted: 02 Oct 11

      It is a interracial dating site. So people are looking for interracial relationship is on here. Even if open to dating bm I wouldn't date them on this site because they are looking for non bw. I think if they wanted bw they would be on another site.

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    • Kenesha76 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      OMG, thank you for sharing. I'm glad you are now okay and living a good life in a healthy relationship. God bless.

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  28.   Whatdolike says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 11

    My mom always looked at me as I stared at very dark black woman she new in her heart what I want in awoman it wasnt until I got older that I seen all all the girls of the world that I saw that african girls are the prettest I feel they are closer to god every thing started in africa r we not from the mother land and now look for my wife in africa thank u for letting me xpress my white thoughts to african beauiful women post my emai thank u

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  29.   cakelady1 says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 11

    I have read the different comments and it really sadden me...Why? Well, we all have our different perceptions and experiences which we all know shapes our opinions. I will try to give a little history about myself. I will say I may have been a statistic because I got pregnant at 21 but I can also say at the age of 16 my mother was murdered in domestic violence (yes she was married to my father). I lived on my own and was the only student in high who paid my rent and went to school. Nevertheless, I raised my daughter and she is now a nursing student. I took custody of my niece when she was two weeks old she is now in college to become a veterinarian. I am in college working on my Masters. I say this because we all can and have made choices in life whatever our reasons are for them we should respect others. All I asked from my brothers and sisters get rid of the sterotypes we have about each other. I love my brothers and my sisters and yes we do have issues but as a race we can change it one person at a time. I could have been a statistic got pregnant went on welfare etc, etc. but I made a choice to be the best parent I could be and by the way neither one of my girls have children so to me I broke the cycle of single parenthood. I have explained what is expected of them as young black women. Yes, I am on this site because it was my choice it does not mean anything negative I will not disrespect my race or the race of anyone because of my choice.

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    • happygolucky says:
      Posted: 01 Oct 11

      But Cakelady from your story the brothers don't love you. So sorry for your loss!! www.beyondblackandwhite.com

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    • Kenesha76 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      Where did the father go? Is he in your child's life? Did that relationship have anything to do with your decision to try dating outside your race? Just interested. Usually, with black women, we try to stick to our black men first . . . until they prove they cannot treat us with love. Most of us have at least tried. Some of us have tried over and over again to love black men with all we have in us . . . to no avail. Finally, we say . . . "wait, there's a whole world of men out there and I don't have to settle." "Someone knows how to love me." The testimonies on this site hold true that these white men are LOVING these black women. Have you ever seen a WM/BW couple out? You can just tell man . . . he's crazy about her. He's proud to have that chocolate sister on his arm and treats her like a precious jewel. I've seen it so many times and wondered, just by the look on the black woman's face when she's with him . . . I've wondered, "he must truly love her man." "She looks so happy . . . so loved." What do you think? This is not a dis [keep in mind] of black men. It's a praise to white men's loving style.

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      • cakelady says:
        Posted: 08 Sep 12

        My daughter's father was not a good person he became addicted to drugs and I thought it was best to go it alone. As far as dating outside my race, at the time I had only dated 2 black men my first boyfriend was a white man. I am older now and the total number of black men is 5 that I have dated. I decided to date what I am my most confortable with.

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  30.   JDigriz says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 11

    I find BW attractive, that's why I'm here. I'm not shy and I've never had to deal with any "family" issues or society. Slightly off topic perhaps, but I've approached BW in the past who initially seemed receptive. They initiated flirting with me etc. (unless I'm totally off base). But, when I've tried to ask them out they always back off or decline. It's almost as if they are saying to themselve, "I want to, but I cant'. Maybe social pressure works both ways.

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    • happygolucky says:
      Posted: 01 Oct 11

      They are brainwashed by the black community to hold it down while the black men go out and date white asian and latina.

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      • Kenesha76 says:
        Posted: 09 Oct 11

        Ha haaaaa . . . YOU GO HARD. I LOVE IT. Many may not like your approach. It's certainly not diplomatic, but it's honest. I can dig it.

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    • syra27 says:
      Posted: 07 Oct 11

      Wow. Haven't dated a white man yet. Black guys hit on me all the time. Never been approached by a white man. I'm the type of girl who wants the man to say something first, and I WILL respond. lol I think that maybe one white guy wants to say something but is afraid. I'll try to just give him my email address and hopes he contacts me. I really think he's cute. You're cute too.

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    • Kenesha76 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      Absolutely. Good response. Social pressure certainly works both ways. Just know, if you approached me, I'd at least say, "hey." See where that goes.

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  31.   Deecia9 says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 11

    You know, after reading all of the comments here re: BW/WM, I believe there are some truths to every comment, but I think that WM, especially the younger ones appreciate the BW more now than ever before. Weather those who stand in this moment of truth and appreciation are strong enough to get thru' the "world's ridicule" and make themselves happy is another case. I have dated white men for many years. My experiences has been very good much of the time. I think that the older WM are the most difficult when it comes to dating out of their race with black women. Why? Because they are from that old school of prejudices and and some of the older gents still feel that if they allow themselves to date black women, they are dating in shame, or beneath them due to what some of their family and friends old habits, histories, and bigotries bring. If he brings this black woman in the presence of friends and family, he may have the feeling that his family and friends will view him as a looser. Now, we all know that this is not based on real truth....but older WM, have lived and experienced much prejudices from their, family, friends as well as peers when it comes to dating out of their race. There is surely a shortage of black men. There is no denying this. I am a more seasoned professional woman who have certainly enjoyed being with other cultures over the years and it would be so wonderful to have choices, and enjoy those choices no matter what.

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  32.   EternalMoon says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 11

    This article is so funny. White men intimidated by black women and black women preferring black men? I nearly choked on my coffee from laughing. Look, black women are confident, strong, independent, intelligent, deep, and also protectors of their loved ones and ego. It takes a lot to be with a black woman, I don't think black women are submissive or passive (some are). Most black women are very dominant because we are raised to be, we are raised to be tough - you won't see a black woman in any fairytale waiting for a prince on a white horse to save her; that black woman needed to save herself, she slayed her own dragon. Some men can't put up with women who are independent and ones that don't stand for the bull shit. Black women are very loving, we have enough love in us to fill the whole wide world, natural born fighters and defenders of what we believe it. We need a man who has a set of balls to stand beside us. We want a man to be protective of us as much as we are to them. I think this is why most black women prefer black men because they feel secure in that sense and don't have to deal with the discrimination that interracial dating comes with. However, I ask that black women be more open to interracial dating because too many black men are open to interracial dating, or incarcerated or not on the same level (meaning research shows that there are more black women graduating from college than black men). So, why not be open? Bottomline, if a man desires someone soft-spoken, delicate like a flower, submissive, passive, and nonconfrontational (black women speak their minds and some how people are afraid, and that is their problem). And consequently, a black woman might not be for them. The world puts black women through too much for us to be soft as cotton - we have to be hard as rocks. If you're a black woman you know what I mean.

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  33.   Alyssia00 says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 11

    I believe some white men do be timid or shy or scared to step out they're comfort to approach black women

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  34.   ross13 says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 11

    i love black wemon and im white to me black is beautiful

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  35.   rain110 says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 11

    NOPLAYER....first..the RESPECT I have for you is this....,.you being the true MAN you are..and the KINGSHIP that lies within.....whoever you choose to be your mate....trust me...she will have the insight to know...NOPLAYER.....has the THRONE...my place is at his side... Rain110

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    • happygolucky says:
      Posted: 01 Oct 11

      @rain110 why do you keep kissing the butt of that guy Noplayer? You are a perfect example of the mindset of the babymama... staying loyal to a man who not only disses other black women but he refuses to marry you or give YOU compliments. You keep giving respect that is not returned and that makes you, to me, a typical "nothing but a black man black woman" and those types are never married to black men, only the lonely mother of bastards. Real talk.

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 01 Oct 11

        @-- happygolucky I know the thought of a BW not bashing BM eats at your soul. I wonder if you wouldve felt more comfortable with us disrespecting each other and clashing. I paid her a heart-felt compliment and she returned it so whats the problem. Youre so bitter and filled with hate for BM that any sister not actively engaged in your battle of operation beat down a brother is somehow an ass kisser. Once again this says more about you than it does BM or the sister that you disrespected with your comment. If I didnt know any better Id think that youre just lashing out trying to get some attention. I think your babbling about BM not marrying BW, unreturned loyalty, being a baby mama and the rest of the trash you talk, just might be describing you and your wounded heart because you say these things with such conviction that you must be talking from your own personal experience. Do you think all marriages last, relationships never end or engagements or never called off? BM and BW relationships go through the same ups and downs as other people and the children produced during these relationships shouldnt be regarded as bastards if their parents relationship should end. Let you tell it all black children produced out of wedlock must be the results of back seat bump-n-grind sessions. What kind of judgmental, I walk on water and self righteous BS are you on. You are the very thing that I see wrong in too many IR relationships, the scorned and broken hearted looking for love from some unsuspecting person from another ethnic group while he / she has no idea that youre trying to rebuild your shattered ego and self esteem that their expense. I can see through you like glass, your attraction for WM is not based on your true interest and love for them but its a reaction do to your dissatisfaction with BM because Im willing to bet had you never had such unpleasant experiences with BM you probably wouldnt be romantically interested in WM. If you had so much interest in WM you would have been pursuing WM from the beginning but you waited until you got pissed off at brothers then you started running after WM, your whole game is lame,ok! Instead of moving on and doing your thing, you somehow feel the need to justify your choice by pointing out all that you see wrong with BM and thats not necessary. You dont see Latino, Asian or WW on here trashing their men, even if they prefer not to date or marry them, they go on about their business but you for some reason have to show your ass. Its women like you that feed the stereo type / myth of the mad, bitter and hostile BW. Im relieved that you no longer date BM because the last thing Id want is for some good brother to get caught up fooling around with you and your suit case full of mad at BM issues! Id hope WM are keying in on this because this will defiantly show what your true motive is! Whatever you do dont go fixing your mouth to say BM try to poison WM against dating sisters, trust me your ignorant babbling does the job all by itself @ rain110-- please dont waste your time responding to her foolishness, I wasted mine so you wouldnt have to. I do that for Queens

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  36.   cheryl99 says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 11

    I feel every situation is different, meaning it just depend on the vibe a person gives off. There are really alot of black women I know would like to date white men, but fear if they don't look a certain way the white man won't be attracted to them. Cause every black woman don't look like Halle Berry or Beyonce'.......... some darker beautiful sisters I know just want to find a good dude, no matter what color he is..........Myself, i am attracted to someone on this line, but a lil nervous to pursue anything (He is white). I think the nervousness comes from me being a lil darker and he may be expecting a Halle or Beyonce......I guess it could work both ways, about being able to approarch someone of a different race. Some black women have a fear of rejection too...........

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    • odel68 says:
      Posted: 27 Sep 11

      it is understandable to be nervous when the possibility of a relationship looms on the horizon. i have liked bw as far back as i can remember and i have always liked the women with the darker skin. as a matter of fact i have never dated a light skinned bw. if you were to ask me to describe...say my fantasy woman, she would be dark skinned, tall, small breasted, nice hips, thighs, and booty, nice feet, preferably from the caribbean. i have never had a relationship with a woman that fit that description. they are short, big breasted, slim hips and thighs, and no booty but they did have nice feet. i follow my heart. not all ppl do. if you never take the risk of rejection you can not know the sweet taste of love. and how sweet it is. bye james

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      • EternalMoon says:
        Posted: 29 Sep 11

        @odel68 You're talking about following your heart but it seems you're more interested in one's physical appearance. This is another reason that makes interracial dating difficult between black women and white men. Black women have distinctive features that does not coincide with the white men who prefer a woman who is small breasted, nice booty (or small), and small waist - or in some cases let's say petite. The women in my family are tall, we have large breasts, and plump and firm asses. That's can be the case with many other black women as well. Some white men can't handle that. Not a bad thing, just something that makes dating a black woman an issue because she's is not some man's wet dream.

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        • odel68 says:
          Posted: 29 Sep 11

          i did just describe the physical when i was describing my "ideal woman". the reason was cheryl99 was apprehensive that a wm she was interested in might not find her attractive because she was darker than beyonce' and halle berry. so i was trying to show that the women i have dated did not fit this "ideal woman" description but i was attracted to them anyway because of who they were. and i have met women who did and i wasn't attracted to them because of who they were. most women i find myself attracted to are dark, thick, with nice a nice booty( or big). they are intelligent, warm , caring, and of fine moral character. they are funny, giving, nurturing and someone who makes my life better by just being in it. bye, james

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        • Kenesha76 says:
          Posted: 09 Oct 11

          On the contrary, I think white men love the curvaceousness of the black women. What I have noticed is not many of them like "fat" women . . . and most of those men are athletic and have the right to desire an athletically built woman. I think they would love your butt if it is as you described . . . plump, but FIRM. White men like tight, firm bodies, not meat jiggling all over the place. That is definitely a cultural thing, because I know many black men that feel, the more "booty" all over the place, the better. There are plenty black women with slender and/or athletic builds that still have "black women curves" that are appealing to most all races. Keep in mind, with the waistline . . . statistically, regardless of race . . . men are most attracted to women with a waistline/hipline inch difference of .7 . . . . so small waists in proportion to the rest of the body are liked by all men. I think white men look at bodies that seem like they'll "hold up" through the years and not spread too much. You'll find that characteristic in many white women. They don't spread as much as we do for some reason. Perhaps it's the diet and exercise. We should all stay up on those two. For ourselves, if for no one else. At the end of the day, when white man likes black women, it is our differences that make up the attraction. The full lips, the plump ass, the doe eyes, high cheek bones, and that rhythm in our step. Trust me girl . . . they appreciate that "ish." lol

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  37.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 11

    @ rain110, Now you know you're about to start WW3! How dare you attemped to shatter the myth that WM are head over heals crazy about BW! Let a few BW on this blog tell it, they're all lined up at the alter just waiting for sisters to show up! LMAO On a more serious note, I admire the fact that you'll uphold your standards of self-respect and not allow someone to degrade you. " You'll never get him to the alter as long as you're willing to meet him back in the alley", one of my grandma's quotes! You're trully a QUEEN!

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  38.   rain110 says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 11

    r3llim.....I like your style...I viewed yoour profile, to be the age you are I do see much knowledge and intelligence....ten years from today will be awesome to me to sit and feast with such a man of yourself.....you are BAD,BAD and more BAD......never stop...i want that feast.....

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    • reese says:
      Posted: 02 Oct 11

      I do find it interesting that bm and some bw feel that no one can be attracted to us. There is a % of bIw married to non bm. The site advertises using black woman pictures and sense it is an interaccial dating site I would say it has to be targeting non black men looking for bw. Ofcourse there are some just looking for sex and it isn't just a white thing go to blackplanet or black people meet. Just like there are black women who are attracted to non black men, there are non bm attracted to us. Particularly Middle Easterners and latinos. I have seen growing trend of am and bw here in Washington. I read an article about chinese men going to Africa for brides. So don't believe that you are unwanted or not desirable regardless of what some of these brothers say. http://newsone.com/world/ggaynor/chinese-men-marrying-african-women-a-new-trend/

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  39.   rain110 says:
    Posted: 25 Sep 11

    This may sound crazy or why is she on the site........no....I strongly believe WM are not attractive to BW, as we BW so wants to entrust. Iv had over 7000 views , not all are from WM....but the ones I did allow to contact me....I tell is the most disrespectful position Iv encounter my entire life..some had phone sex while on the phone....others wanted a shotgun marriage, where I'm from its dating first..then others wanted a weekend on the beach sharing the same hotel room...I can go on,on....I rather stop...who wants to find love in someone are disrespectful...I sure in the h@ll not. If I must lower myself to find love....you know what...spider webbs can grow between these sexy thights before I let someone take away my-self-respect....

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  40.   Rarestgold says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 11

    I was once that Black Woman - who only wanted a Black Man. I wanted a man like my dad and like my brothers, who were strong Black men. I was spending too much time waiting for "him" and even dated White guys but, rebuffed their marriage request because I wanted to be married to a Black man. I let that notion go and decided that I no longer wanted to limit my options for love by limited who I could love. I have opened myself up to possibilties and I'm loving it!

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    • odel68 says:
      Posted: 21 Sep 11

      it is only natural to look for someone who fits your idea of a strong man. how fortunate you were to have such a father who instilled in his sons and daughter what a man should be. them to be good men and for you to choose a good man. i hope you find that man. james

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    • forgod22 says:
      Posted: 23 Sep 11

      babe i understand well,everysome white females go for there white men, so i tell u that every body have his or her owns chnce to make,i like me i want the boot,black or white woman as a wife.

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    • Kenesha76 says:
      Posted: 09 Oct 11

      Ba da ba ba ba . . . I'm lovin' it too baby girl. Me TOO!

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  41.   odel68 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 11

    i am a 42 yr old wm. i have dated bw my entire life. and i still find it difficult to approach a bw . having been raised in mississippi with the racial overtones of my community, i am always a little surprised when a bw does agree to go out on a date with me. being a member of a race of people who in recent history have done wrong to other races it amazes me that a bw can, whatever her reasons, look and see me as an individual. i have been turned down because of the fear of bringing me home to meet the family, why bring someone into your family if you know it will cause problems? my nephew asked me one time what it was like to date a bw and i told him "there are two kinds of women in this world. those that treat you right and those that treat you wrong". it is the same for men. most people do tend to date in their own race so if someone says that they are looking to date outside their race its because they haven't found what they are looking for in their own race and have decided to broaden their search. love changes people. it made me a better person, it made me want to be a better person, to be worthy of her love. as for the personal attacks, that is when you lost me r3llim. james

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  42.   manowine says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 11

    This is a VERY subjective topic. WM being attracted to BW is a choice and preference. The fact that I prefer a BW is a VERY subjective choice that I have made. It is strangled by the fact the BW make up such a small segment of the population and professional BW an even smaller segment. This is made more difficult that BW tend to be shy about approaching WM and vice-versa. Chris

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    • happygolucky says:
      Posted: 21 Sep 11

      Thanks for sharing!

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      • happysolucky says:
        Posted: 29 Sep 11

        I love that all the disgruntled BM who don't even date BM are on this thread and all the BW cheerleaders kissing the butts of men who won't even date them are on this thread. BW keep on being loyal like a dumb dog, and like a bitch, you WILL breed bastards as an unmarried babymama. M are not marrying BW, period. For whatever reasons. While your "king" (as if. BM cannot even control their communities) sits with a white, latina, or asian lady at his throne lol! I am so happy for sites like www.beyondblackandwhite.com and www.bettychambershasspoken.com

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  43.   Blanca2 says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 11

    I have a black girlfriend who never dated a black man and is now married to a white man. I think the problem might be that black women come off very confident. White women come off more needy and helpless. White men do not know how to approach a more confident women. But what everyone needs to remember women are women no matter what color. I come off very confident and that is a problem for me in my white world. White men don't like it. Where as I find that black men like my confidence. So now that I am dating after 26 years of marrigae, I am being asked out by more black men. Also white men like Barbie Dolls. Blond hair, Blue eyes, Thin. They don't like women that are thicker. I know this for a fact. I live it everyday. Black me do find me attractive. So there is my reasons behind it all. Just what I have lived and seen.

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  44.   lita2010 says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 11

    Another problem i see is that black women are portrayed so terribly on the media, everytime you see a show with black women on, they are fighting, yelling or telling someone off and yes there a lot of black women who are that way but not most of us, i am a very sofisticated, well educated black woman, i treat people with respect because that is the way i want to be treated and it really embarrases me to see all that going on tv...

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    • maddyluv says:
      Posted: 29 Sep 11

      @lita2010 I agree with you. I do not watch those reality shows because I am so tired of the way they portray black women. Every sing black woman is not like that and that is probably one of the reasons white men (or any many for that matter) are afraid to approach them; they probably think she will laugh at them or scream their head off. Just like all of the stereotypes that I have read earlier, someone always has to blame or put black women in a category for something. I have been sent numerous emails about these so called statistics that are outrageous and probably only "surveyed" in particular areas rather than on black women as a whole. When they always see in the media how ghetto or nasty or ugly or bitchy etc. etc. that black women are, they start to think it. There are some people that solely rely on what they hear or see in media instead of actually finding out for themselves. I think that is a HUGE reason why white men are intimidated. Like many other races, they have also grown up believing that they were supposed to be with their own race too. It's probably hard for them to explain to family that they are attracted to black women, the same way it is hard for black women to explain they are attracted to white men. Nobody should have to explain why they like one person over another; it wouldn't be an issue if the choice was within the "right" race. Why does being attracted to white men have to be because a woman "opens her legs" too much or some other such garbage someone said? It sounds to me like people are quick to bash a choice that they don't agree with rather than trying to understand why someone has made that choice. I don't condone bashing anyone or anyone's race, but choices are made from experiences. If a person has had bad experiences, they tend to look elsewhere in hopes of finding a better experience. This site is for interracial dating. It seems silly to me that anyone is even worried about what white men think of black women when it's an interracial site where the white men are specifically looking for black women or women outside of their race!! Just like the black men on the site are also looking out of their race! If people are NOT looking outside, I fail to understand why they are on an interracial site. It's like being Christian and going on an Atheist site trying to figure out or convert the people their back to Christianity! I'm going to choose not to comment on anything else since the actual topic was ONLY about white men and black women.

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  45.   lita2010 says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 11

    Oh i love white men and i wish they would approach me more, sometimes i think there is this fear to speak to people of other races specially here in the states because of the deep rooted and so discriminating race relations that exist.....

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  46.   peter1981 says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 11

    I just love black girls.

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  47.   Reese says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 11

    I think some are intimidated because of how we are portrayed. They think we are going to clown them. I have noticed even on facebook I get approached by so many non black men and think because it is not as threatening. We are workin against alot of stereotypes make sure that we are smiling and approachable to all men.

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    • happygolucky says:
      Posted: 21 Sep 11

      You are right! Plus, many black men make it their biz to tell other races bad stuff about them cause they don't want anyone to have us.

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  48.   shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 11

    I have been on and off this site for maybe 2-3 years now, and sad to say, the "Blog Writer's" harp on the same ol' rhetoric. It is always some sad ass article about 'What BW can't get" or "Why the BW isn't viewed this way or that way," and it JUST... GETS.....OLD! I am a Member of 2 other dating sites, and within 1 month, I had over 30 hits/messages from White Men & mexican, and some of them are very attractive men, mostly telling me how attractive my profile is. People should really think about the mindset in all of this, and stop presuming to speak for WM or for BW. Shotgun

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  49. Posted: 16 Sep 11

    WHEN was the last time that you heard a Black man openly declare his love for a BW? The lack of marriage proves they don't want us. BM just want to control BW and use them for resources. WM don't care what shade a BW is they love our dark skin! Where as most BM are colorist and color-struck and openly prefer light skin and silky long hair. Notice, BW, how often you get slighted, dissed and ignored? But if you're with a WM the BM become upset, roll their eyes, may get violent. A dysfunctional sense of ownership but those men don't even put a ring on it! Shameful and sad, when they try to confront WM who date BW! BW have been told that WM do not care for them! Who tells them this? Black men! And their Black jealous female cheerleaders. The Black community as a whole benefits by the BW staying "loyal" (without marriage!!!): we support the community, we raise bastard kids, we support the sexist ridiculous churches. However the favor isn't returned with a 73% out of wedlock rate, deadbeat & absentee dads. That's correct, only 1/3 of B children are raised in home where their parents are married. Fatherless kids fail all across the board. You see them... angry, lost, without hope and direction. I digress Frankly, there aren't enough BM to go around anyway, period, so BW really have no choice but to open up their dating options and close your ears to the "Black community" as it wants it's mules, mammys , motels and babymama available for easy access. My words may anger some, so? If you care so much, go marry the Black mother of your child, go mentor some of the fatherless black youth and don't worry about the BW such as myself who date WM. There, I said it! YES WHITE MEN LOVE BLACK WOMEN AND MORE BLACK WOMEN ARE DATING OUT.

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    • shotgun007 says:
      Posted: 17 Sep 11

      Ya know, you and I can have a serious chat for real. I really wish 10 years ago that my friend-girls had the mindset that you do. I'm so glad that the mindset is now changing, and the walls between BW and WM are crumbling a little more as time passes and as attitudes change. Bless You!

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    • r3llim says:
      Posted: 17 Sep 11

      @happysolucky See its comments like this that make me mad not because you or any other black woman is open to other races. Its the fact that women like yourself box every black man in the universe as some low life whereas black women can only seek true love from white (and only white) men. You asked when the last time black men declared their love for black women was. Hell when has white men declared their love for black women or even for their own women for that matter? What do you want some type of billboard from black men saying WE LOVE YOU? I guess when black men say things like the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, I cant bring home a woman that cant use a comb, or refer to some women as chocolatie, Hershey, or mocha, they probably dont mean black women. Maybe they were talking about white women. Second you bring up many black men as being absentee fathers and sadly that is true. But you like so many other women never question the number of young black women who get impregnated by these failed fathers. What were all of these men working on their master and doctorate degrees and suddenly he impregnates a girl and just bounce? No. A lot of these girls have unprotected sex at a young age with boys that are usually knuckleheads. Now there is no excuse for any man to leave their child but Im just asking this: why arent the women and girls being chastised and ridiculed for being this promiscuous or irresponsible? Its wrong that there are so many black men not owning up to their responsibility but to ignore the lack of responsibility these women have is just ignorant as well. And dont give me that she didnt have a father to mentor her excuse because being mature and responsible in sex is just like knowing to washing your hands after using the bathroom: its something you should know how to do regardless of who teaches you. Third, did you say that the black community benefits as a whole from black women remaining faithful to black men? Did you honestly say that the black community needs single, lonely mothers? If thats true then let me say that black women that perform this service are doing a piss poor job in helping the black community. I dont see the connection between single black mothers and Asians, Arabs, and other ethnic groups opening businesses and collecting whatever wealth the black community acquires. Those women raise bastard kids that they made and support sexist churches as opposed to not having the children and supporting black businesses. Im not genius or anything but I would rather have black women focused on building a enterprise such as black owned version Dell, Microsoft, Sony or any other fortune 500 company as opposed to being lonely mothers of bastard children. My point is that black women are not helping the black community any more than black men. Until black women have complete control over the wealth and employment of the black community thereby employing these women so that it doesnt become a strain to them, then as far as Im concerned taking care of your children and going to church is as significant to the black community as me refraining from jaywalking. You mention that black men are color struck and I will admit to you that there are black men who possess this. But you failed to bring up the number of white men that prefer black women white lighter skin and straighter hair. Thats what irks me about the way black women can have a different set of rules in being regarded respectful for white men that are less strict when compared to the rules set for black men. Because to women like you white men cant have a color preference even when the majority of the famous black female entertainers (Beyonce, Rihiana, Halle Berry, Zoe Saladin, ect) that are embraced by white people fit the features of black women you say black men only like. Tell me the name of a dark-skinned, natural black woman that is embraced by white people? Im pretty sure more black men would date Erykah Badu and Jill Scott then white men. And this isnt a black man that is jealous and tries to make black women feel inferior. This is a black man that has read many internet dating poles as well as articles that suggest that black women are not perceived desirable by other men especially white men. But women like you are willing to give them the benefit of doubt because of the three black men in your life that either liked lighter women or were scumbags were used in your analysis of not dating black men. Is this true for all white men? No. But it is for a large extent. But most men of all races find their women to be attractive. Why else would 95% of black marriages and 90% of black dating be amongst each other. Even white men who have the highest percentage of interracial dating prefer their women at nearly 97% . I know that everything Ive said went in one ear and out the other and Im not trying to tell you who to date because you could date and marry a cactus for all I care. But if you want to bash black men then offer advice Ill say this: Ill do everything youve said and you promise to mentor some of these young girls in keeping their legs closed, telling black mothers to stop having as many kids, and save their money and time instead of giving it to churches and scumbag black men. Oh and by the way unless a woman is out there insulting black men most dont even care about black women being with white men. They just shrug, keep their distance from her and keep it moving. Its black women like you who suddenly think that this is a testament to you finally being desirable (after not working on your own issues yourself). Why didnt you mention the other white men and women who disapprove of your relationship? Oh thats right they dont count.

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 18 Sep 11

        No, I think you are missing the piont she is making. For me my experience is different. I am a dark bw who has always been approached more by nonbm than bm. I think non bm who date bm complextion isn't as big of an issue as it is with black men. I never hear non black men talking about they don't want their kids hair to be nappy or have dark kids only bm. A sister like Whoopi Golgberg told you bm were not knocking on her door. We are not talking about what happens on tv, because their are alot people who are in ir relationships that aren't reflected on tv. We are talking about real dealings with bm. What happens in general or with most wm have no bearing on me. This might surprise you, but majority of non bw don't want bm either, but that doesn't mean that their is not some that are in ir relationships or marriages. I also disagree that they are getting their beauty standard from wm. I think too many of them are getting it from bm and what they want. You see this when they complaiin about no bm being in videos or bm marrying non bw.

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        • happygolucky says:
          Posted: 18 Sep 11

          @Reese, girl ignore that man. "A hit dog hollars" His first few words showed a bitter man and I am sure that he is not married to a black woman and may be just another bitter babydaddy. Funny, black men come out in droves when the discover that for the most part, black women have gotten the memo and are moving on from them. I am loyal to my womb and that's it. I don't care what black men think! I do care for the President and my family members and a few friends but for the most part, I don't give a damn what they think, say, or do.

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          • r3llim says:
            Posted: 19 Sep 11

            Well youre right in that I'm not married to a black woman or any woman for that matter but as much as it disappoints you, I don't have any children. It would be had to have children when youre a pre-med college student that works full-time. I'll admit that I didn't receive the memo of black women moving on from us black men but I did receive the memo from you gynecologist stating that you should really see about removing the cob webs and vampire bats that live between your legs. Its good that your telling us that you don't care what black men think because it was obvious you don't care about what white men think WHICH WAS THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE WHOLE ARTICLE!!!!. You went on a tirade about what black men feel about black women but remain quiet as a mouse the article was solely about what white men feel about you. At least the other women that posted here suggest that the results of the study were wrong or that the men that were examined were incorrect in thinking black women are not interested. You on the other hand went to bash black men in order to avoid the topic or make the idea of white men not finding you attractive less painful. I guess being disrespected by a white man is by a mile more tolerable than being abused by a black man to you. I truly don't care whether you date and put your lips on a white man (or I'm hoping a white pistol involving you hugging the trigger) but when you generalize all black men and bash us while praising white men then I'm going to say something. Go ahead. Call me bitter, a baby daddy, or whatever. But that still doesn't change the fact that the results of this poll were out of the mouths of white men not us. Now you can use that turd that you left in the toilet earlier this morning that you call a brain and offer a reasonable opinion regarding this. Or you can keep your head in the sand and think all black men are scum and white men could never disrespect black women.

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          • NoPLAYER says:
            Posted: 20 Sep 11

            Im going to attack your points and not you personally because Im not into BM / BW beating on each other. I dont know about you but I dont need a BW or no woman to stamp on their foreheads how much they love BM to feel valued or affirmed, that comes from within, please get me right if Im wrong! What makes you think that most BM lose sleep over the few BW who date non BM. Im sure you have a few but most of us are too busy trying make a living to worry about who you date or marry, particularly when the marriage statistics paint a totally different picture. If the statistics are right, WM just as BM married more women within their racial group than out of it. Let me ask a question, if BM dont love BW, why did the majority of BM that married within the last ten years marry BW? Im sure these were not forced marriages so that means these BW said I DO of their own free will! Brothers must not be that bad after all! LMAO I dont think these sisters settled for lazy / trifling / no job having / abusive brothers just for the sake of being able to say Im married. I know you see the numbers in print and on the news about black dead beat dads but they (the wht owned media) dont parade the numbers of WM that are dead beat dads on TV but some of us are so quick to suck it up as the gospel truth but we dont have the balls to say to them, yeah we have some chumps amongst us but dont worry about ours you deal with yours and clean your own nasty ass houses before you worry about ours! Its so easy to play the blame game! Regardless of your experiences with BM or any other sister on this blog for that matter, you selected the clown that you selected, he didnt force himself on you and as a result you ended up with the very thing you accepted. Im willing to admit that Ive made some bad choices in women and Ive been stepped on more than a few times but Ive chalked it up to my bad decision making and not women in general. In other words Ive taken responsibility for my bad choices and all that came as a result of them. Thats what adults do, they face the painfully reality that theyve made mistakes and got burned, they learn form that experience and they move on. They dont get mad and lash out, they become better (wiser) and not bitter.Is this not what you tell us as BM, take some responsibility, stand up / be a man, stop making excuses and blaming other people for your situation! As far as BM being color struck, Im sure theres some truth to that but ask yourself who started all this color madness? White men! Its sad but true many of us are acting out the symptoms of a disease contracted from them. Hell I remember back in the 80s when a lot of sisters wouldnt fool around with dark skinned brothers, they wanted the very light skinned brothers like El DeBarge, Al B. Sure, and Christopher Williams. Go and read about the Blue Vein Society and how some of our early churches, of all places, some of our historically black fraternities and sororities, that many of us gloat about being members of had the brown paper bag admittance test. This isnt just an issue of BM but BW as well and its not a new one either, this sickness is found where ever whites have went amongst the darker people of the earth spreading their sickness of white supremacy and youll see this in Africa, Central / South America and the Caribbean. As far as you dating WM and no longer dealing with BM, so be it, you have that right, you have freedom of choice but you dont have to the right to go attacking us and making these crazy generalizations about us. Once again, please don't make it seem like BM are so hurt and filled with anger because a few BW are dating / marrying non BM because you and I both know it aint even like that. Give us credit for having some kind of sense, most of us don't choose to waste of time on a woman that makes it known she don't want to be bother with a brother. Hell no we move on to another sister thats open to dating us or we look else where and it's a whole heap of BW that feel the exact opposite of how you feel, so trust me aint too many brothers ready to slit their wrist because you or any other BW want to date someone else, hell naw, we keeps it moving with or without you but we moving! Live and let live, best wishes to you and yours! NOPLAYER I dont have a problem with you pointing out the negative realities within our community, its the foul and hateful spirit in which you posted your comment that got my attention.

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 20 Sep 11

            I am not tripping. Girl, he has also struck up for us in other blogs. But I think the problem I have with the blogs is that it talks in general. I have and always will date bm. I had a good black father and know their are good black men out there who do still want bw. But for whatever reason more non blacks have been attracted to me. And I don't see why I should change who I am to attract bm when I know their are also good men in other races. r3llim: I am proud that you are out there doing your thing. I wish you all the success. One thing you said stuck out to me when you talked about bw having higher standards for bm. I think we have different standards. According to stats bw who date outside are generally with non bm with greater means and education. But when you say we act differently about you guys wanting light/white skin. We do. Do you not see a difference in black people wanting kids to look white and white people wanting kids to look white. It happens with black woman too. I do have a problem with black men telling me they couldn't have kids with me that would be black and nappy. Not because it offends me, but it does make me wonder what they think about themselves. well.........maybe I should say me because I defiinately ain't the voice of bw.

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        • r3llim says:
          Posted: 24 Sep 11

          @ Reese, See I didnt disagree with her point in non black men finding darker black women attractive. What annoyed me about her comment was that she insinuated that ALL black men are chasing after light skin black women. I can only speak from my experience and from it I've noticed that almost all of the black men I've seen and met don't really care about a black woman's skin color. Not enough to make it an issue to not be in an relationship with them. Many of the men I've met would approach Kelly Rowland just as he would approach Beyonce. And if he could change the laws in this country he would make it leagal to marry both. Are there black men that have twisted skin color complexes like the men you've met? Of course there are. But I don't think its as wide in the population of black men as so many people like to make it. If not then go find some young black men and ask them who is Bria Myles and Buffy the Body. Both of those women are physically far beyond any white or light skin woman. But there are black men that would push Halle Berry out of the way to flirt with them. Also tell me why Serena Williams is considered a sex idol in sports. I'm sure she's not considered one to a number of white men but I have heard black men have conversations about what outfit she had on in her recent match. You mention that darker women aren't in videos but remember a good portion of black music's consumer base made up of white people. Who's to say that featuring light or non-black women is meant to cater to them and not black men? But I'm not saying there are no white men that find these women attractive. Its just that white men usually find their own women to be more attractive. This is the same with black men. You may be surprised but a number of black men don't really find white women to be highly attractive. They can see beauty in a white woman but many black men have a natural attraction to black women. This goes the same with white men even though he can still marry a darker woman and find her to be beautiful. The reason I mentioned that was because Happygolucky made it out to be that black men are only interested in other women in order to validate black women to open themselves to all white men even if those men openly oppose it. One thing I hate about black people that are in interracial relationships is that they need to bash their opposite sex to justify their relationship. She generalized black men in order to present white men at a higher pedestal even when they failed to show the same appreciation to women like her in this case. If white men appreciated darker skin women so much then more women like Nadine Ellis should be appreciated by white entertainment a lot more. At least Rarestgold is just opening herself to anyone in order to find true love and I can respect that. My former high school history teacher had the same features as what you, Reese, mentioned in being approached by non bm and she is married to a white man. But she never frowned on black men as a whole to say that white men are better. I think she didnt even consider his race in being with him. Reese I understand what you are saying and I find black men who have issues with darker women to be disgusting and vile. They should lie on some train tracks or step off of a building because they hate themselves for being black and would be better off dead than trying to achieve some "whiteness". And I didn't mean to offend you. But women like happygolucky irritate me for the fact that any decision they as black women do that will garner some sort of criticism or be deem unfavorable, black men will be trashed in order to provide some justification.

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 30 Sep 11

            I understand what you are saying and you didn't offend me it is what it is. But my experience and hers have been different. We aren't the only ones. I remember reading a blog from an african woman talking about people complaining about her marrying a white man, but black men aren't attracted to her. Another ir blog where the woman said that she is glad these men of other races are picking up these dark bw. I think she believes that is the case from her experiences. You might not think it is true, but you haven't lived it or you might be in a different area. I think what she is talking about is just so many bw refuse to look outside their race and have all this loyality to bm. And it isn't shared towards us. There are alot of lonely bw who will never consider dating non bm. We know not enough to go around because of numbers. I think she is just trying to tell bw women to be more open minded. And you guys get all offended by what she says you are also on interracial dating site so you are looking for non bw just like she is looking for non bm for whatever reason. And your god given right to date or not date whoever you want to. My point is that I bet the white men or non white men she dated did show appreciation when bm didn't that is my case. It is about perspective and experience. Alot of dark bw have noticed the same thing and feel if we want to be married to look outside of bm.

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      • rachybaby says:
        Posted: 01 Oct 11

        r3llim, I haven't read the remarks of who it is you are responding to (your long response attracted me to read what you posted first). But as a stand-alone piece, and except for the remark about "sexist" churches, I agree with EVERYTHING you've written. But you forgot to mention the white men who are colour struck in the opposite direction...I know them well. Those who only like me for my skin colour. Fyi, I'm a black woman (a black woman who has dated the rainbow, and will always date her own as well). I hardly hear complaints about that from other black women. Oh well... r3llim, it's a shame you received so many "dislikes" and I'm sure many negative responses as well, but you're telling the WHOLE truth. We can't "bash" black men and where they've fallen, but ignore the part black women have played. Good on you. Again, as of this writing, I've ONLY read two things, so far: this blog, and r3llim's response to someone on this blog. So if anyone out there feels they need to "take me on", please take me on in a relevant way (as in, respond to where I"M coming from - and not take me down some road toward an irrelevant 'straw man' argument).

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      • akram88 says:
        Posted: 09 Jan 12

        i love ebonys tooooooooooooooo much akram Kontakt mit dem Konsul, denn ich will nach Deutschland fr 2 Monate Urlaub gehen. wenn du noch nicht verheiratet bist,

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    • ron.c says:
      Posted: 18 Sep 11

      absolute bollocks! it seems to me that bw who start to venture outside their race do it because of the horrible decisions they made when they were younger. now that they're older, they don't have the same criteria for bm as they do for wm. i don't have any children nor have i ever dated outside my race but i'm curious to widen my search. but I in no way shape or form have this attitude that because im serching outside my race that the women in my race become obsolete or dont matter. i wonder how man black women who date outside their race still consider finding a black man with substance? there might not be an overabundance of us but there are enough. i get tired of hearing the same script read from bw to justify what they do. note: MOST bm dont care as much as you think!

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      • happygolucky says:
        Posted: 18 Sep 11

        Then, step. I don't care what you think about me. That's the prob, BM always sticking their nose in BW biz. You all have dated out at high numbers for decades. The tide is turning. I am not checking for BM. Get over it. MAN UP. Stop whining.

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        • ron.c says:
          Posted: 20 Sep 11

          step? wtf? i dont think anything about you as i don't know you. i'm not sticking my nose in any "biz" because i'm responding to an open blog. i have nothing to get over because i run in my own lane (for the most part). whining? please! my sister was married to a white man for a long time. i was happy for her. she wasnt looking outside her race because she was "dogged" by a black man. she found a guy who she liked and ran with it. but then again my sister wasnt an idiot and didn't let guys run over her and treat her like shit. i think its great that bw date outside their race but it doesn't seem necessary to put anyone down while doing it. i guess i'll put my blinders back on.

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 20 Sep 11

            I agree black people dating outside your race don't have to put down people withen their race. And it isn't just bw.

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          • Eireland says:
            Posted: 14 Oct 11

            Ron.c= smart man

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        • kay567 says:
          Posted: 17 Mar 12

          OMG! !!! Who gives a s###. Date the man. That treats u well blk or wht your ethnicity is not your characer

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      • yram says:
        Posted: 09 Oct 11

        Ah! There's goes a man who made a decision about why a woman of my culture "venture outside the race." Bullocks indeed! There are many different reasons that women date outside thei race....just as men date outside the race. From the age of 18 (and 6 years after that) I dated outside my race and ladies all races have "creepy crawlers" and so since you know what makes you happy, go for that. Men, there are still some good women in the race regardless of the stereotypes~ Let me just say that if the individual that makes me happy is from another race (or within my race)...I running to him! Peace

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      • Nairobi28 says:
        Posted: 26 Jun 12

        If "black men don't care as much as we think" explain why I'm constantly harassed by blk men because of my preference For white men?

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    • lavell4love says:
      Posted: 04 Oct 11

      Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 07 Oct 11

        We can say the same thing about bm. I find it odd that they say we are angry and have attitude don't reconize the same in theirselves on average bm also are more angry and have more attitudes than their male counterparts if we are comparing. Do all of you ofcourse not, and the same is true with bw. Bw with white men have the lowest divorce rate of anybody including same race marriages. So it isn't all us.

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        • Kenesha76 says:
          Posted: 09 Oct 11

          lowest divorce rate? hmmmm . . . sounds promising. i'm in. lol

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          • Honssolo says:
            Posted: 18 Oct 11

            I believe the WM BF having the lowest divorce rate or a little slanted.. From the WM BF that I have known they have been a little older, more educated and a little more settled than same race couples. I also know a few older BM WF couples that are older that are very secure.

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  50.   sky_nolimit says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 11

    We all have a fear of rejection when it comes to approaching someone you're attracted to regardless of their race. It's just more so when it's someone of a different race. You have to be willing to take that chance and see where it takes you.

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    • happygolucky says:
      Posted: 17 Sep 11

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 20 Sep 11

        Damn happygolucky! Where did all of this come from? Peace, I hope you find it!

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        • happysolucky says:
          Posted: 29 Sep 11

          And I hope that you and all the other black babydaddies do the right thing for family and community and marry the mother of your bastards aka out of wedlock kids. Cause the B community is a laughingstock with violent fatherlessness. BM always have an excuse for everything they blame everybody, but themselves.

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