Why do they just look and not write?

Posted by Ria, 17 Feb 09

The other day, a friend of mine asked me: “Why is it that men look at my profile so much but don’t write or send me a wink or something? Is it my face? Do I look like a freak?

Most of us run to online dating when finding a date offline fails. We get into online dating with very high and often unreasonable expectations. Why do other members look at your profile and not contact you? I think we need to be a little realistic here. Online dating is kinda like window shopping. We all do it. How many profiles of other members have you looked at? 100? 1000? And out of those, how many did you contact? Should all those you didn’t contact feel rejected and deregister?

Some online dating problems are just in our heads. If people look at your profile and don’t write, that means there was something that interested them about you that made them go through the trouble of viewing it in the first place. So maybe you should stop looking at the number of people who looked at your profile vs. those that contacted you and think about what is in your profile that could be making them not write. Could it be your photos, or ‘about me’ essay? Do everything 25% better … It could make a big difference.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Whether you rebrand yourself in your online profile or not, people’s preferences will not be altered. You can’t control the preferences of the other members. Everyone is ‘window shopping’ just as you are and some tools we use to gauge our success online can be very misleading. If you are skinny, the man who contacts you will be someone who is going to WANT a skinny woman. If you aren’t earning a fat six-figured salary, the woman who is going to contact you is ONLY one who isn’t materialistic. My advice: No point in getting bent out of shape about the ones who prefer what you are not.

In your opinion, what would make a person go through someone’s profile and not contact them?

98 responses to "Why do they just look and not write?"

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  1.   Kanzan says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 10

    Midnite: I can say the same for women, and then some. But the double standards pretty much remain the same. In other words, despite the fact that its 2010, men are still expected to make the initiation whereas women can just sit there and "look good". I have sent e-mails (messages with full and complete sentences with correct punctuation) over and over to more than 50 people on this site and not a single women has ever replied in more than 2 years (the messages were always "Rated G for General Audiences"). You need to realize that there is usually a reson why men will quite often no longer make the effort to write anything to you; its usually a waste of time that's better spent on a crossword puzzle.

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  2.   midnite says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 10

    I was a paying member on this site an got so turned off by the "leering." It is one thing when a man looks once or twice and keeps it moving but every time you turn around he's viewed you again with no contact could mean several things: Shy not full members and are ashamed to say so "lookers" (that's it) remember the site is free or they "think" you should contact them because they took the time to look. There are so many reasons. IM I kept off most of the time because typically what would follow is do you have a webcam? Oh hell no. Next thing I know you could be butt nekkid wanting to me look at some mess I ain't ready for. Men, what wonderful creatures.

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  3.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 07 May 10

    I say that you should just be you when you write your profile. Whether its the "wordy" you or the "tell you later" you. You should also keep in mind that not everyone who views your profile is the man or woman for you. Maybe you should thank your lucky stars they kept going. Weed your way through the barrel of bad apples, theres a good one in there somewhere.

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  4.   bellara says:
    Posted: 05 May 10

    As a woman, there've been times when i see a man's picture and i think to myself ooo-lah-lah then when you read what he wrote in his profile, am like oh hell no. some fill their profiles with FIND OUT LATER (nope i wont)! some are too explicit (am hung and gifted so i want a freaky ass lady who can handle that) some write barely anything (hi am jim and i wanna find a real woman, blah blah blah) some write way too much (nobody wants to read an extremely lengthy profile cuz half the time that story book profile is filled with grammatical errors, nonsensical nonsense or annoys you). some people look really good in their display picture then when you enlarge it, it seems like your eyes are seeing something else. if you sound like a "bad ass", "thugs" or goody two shoes, then i won't even bother regardless of how good you look. there are lots of reason but these are some.

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  5. Posted: 26 Apr 10

    Trail hiker, are you serious?! People actually told you, you were ugly? WTH is wrong with people these days? Whatever happened to courtesy? AJ12, very good point sometimes we cross ourselves off the list if you are very specific in what you are wanting and we don't fit the criteria.

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  6. Posted: 26 Apr 10

    I so agree! People have their own preferences. If random men are doing it, it might be a profile glitch or unflattering pics but if the same man is looking at your profile, he might be too shy to say anything, or maybe he's doing something else he shouldn't be doing.mmmhmm. Yep I agree you should update it until you feel comfortable with what you have. BUT you can change your profile, pics and everything else but when it all comes down to it, you will not be everybodys type. There will always be someone who doesnt find you attractive or who looks and leaves. If you already know you look as good as you can look and will pull the right person, why bother with if they flirt? Guess what? They are weeding themselves out for you. What if he was curious OR you came onto him, he played along and got you all excited, then he disappeared because he knew all along you were not his type. ??Then you have to deal with THOSE questions. See the positive side. Also change it for YOUR benefit, because you can only change your profile so much. What if you put up fake pics and a fake profile? Then you could never meet the guy you fall for because it's all a lie??? When it all comes down to it, your profile has to be a representation of YOU and whether it attracts anyone or not is not your fault. You can't doubt yourself or feel bad about who you are, just put yourself out there and update when things change. They might flirt, they might not. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just unique. :)

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  7.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 05 Jan 10

    Ok what I said before and also the fact I will never ever ever pursue a man. I dont pursue, I get pursued

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  8.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 05 Jan 10

    Personally, I look and dont write because whom ever I am looking at is unattractive physically or his profile sucks lemons in my book. I mean its really simple... if i dont write I dont like

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  9.   Spirit773 says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 09

    Sometimes you see the headline and the first few lines of a guys profile and you have to wonder whether they are for real. I was online a few days ago and there was a profile up of a young man from India who said that his hobbies were 'hacking' and 'cracking passwords' !! Somebody should tell him to hack into his brain and crack the password to his intelligence. I thought i seen some completely clueless profiles on this site but that one beats them all.

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  10.   deewhizz says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 09

    I think it's rude that some people have been teased here. Just because u r not attracted to someone is no reason 2 give a negative response. There are a dozen ways to let someone down easy :) I only tlk 2 a few people here, I'm married and don't lie. I lose mooore pen pals that way LOL I do change my profile constantly because I change constantly. Women are amazing like that, at least the fascinating ones ;-) I think over 5000 have checked my profile and I doubt its to read it because its a book lol But hey, what's wrong w/ a little window shopping? Ladies I would NOT use this site or others like it as a main source for meeting a partner if u r really serious about finding someone. Just because I think it's also a perfect place for folx who do not have those intentions at all.

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  11.   sweepotato says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    The answer, to me anyway, is simple: He/She isn't sure if the person in question is for him/her. I think this phenomenon occurs in real life, and not just online.

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  12.   Spirit773 says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 09

    @buckbaker..speaking as a forty-something under-graduate i was somewhat disappointed to read your rather blinkered view of adult students.It's rather sad because who knows what wonderful things you might have find out about a person had it not been for your somewhat jaded perception of the word 'student'. Many, like me, have turned to studying to try and change their life paths and not because we are lazy, shiftless or lacking in either motivation or focus.I already have qualifications ,they're just not ones which will help me get to where i want to be in the future.I'm in the final year of my under-graduate studies. I'm putting in the hard work and in 2010 i will graduate with a degree in Russian. So, with all due respect, if i may echo one of your comments.. please don't insult my intelligence.

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  13.   oldschool56 says:
    Posted: 29 Oct 09

    Jazie, How right you are. But you know I just spent the money to suscribe here and the who is the first person that contacts me? A pervert...oh he was smooth...PMing me and you know how they chat in those one word/line responses...they know "LOL", "Oh I see"..they make reference to something sexual to feel you out(tonights idiot told me everything is BIG in Texas trying to prompt me to ask him some stupid sexual question) poor things they try so hard to carry on a converstion and if you type more than one sentence they lose interest. This one decided after I wouldn't sit in front of my cam like my profile pic, that he had a headache. Im sure if I would have even hinted to taking off something his headache would have miraculously disappeared. Thank goodness he claims he only paid for a month. So in the long run maybe its good that a majority of guys only look and dont contact..better they keep to themselves and let you think they are fools than to try to contact you and remove all doubt!!! I am really disappointed that my first contact almost left me with a bad image. Im sure there are much better class of men out there who will do more than just look...

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  14.   dolly48 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    Personally, I dont really care what a person looks like, i am trying to get a feel for what their heart is like. One man said he was told he looks ugly, but i did not see that? When I was a child, I saw an article of a woman in the newspaper; her photo was "ugly". I wondered why such a person was in the paper. I read about her: "saved 300 slaves from the underground railroad" etc etc. It was Harriet Tubman. I began to feel ashamed of myself, and from that point on never looked at "ugliness or beautY" in a person. On the contrary, I have had contact with men who were "drop dead gorgeous" and were so self-centered and stupid I couldnt stand them! That is one reason I havent put my photo up; I want men to get to know me, via my words. If I appeal to them, fine, if not, that is still fine. Looks have nothing to do with how a man is inside.

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  15.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 09

    In addition to too many "find out later" responses, I also ignore the profiles with pics that look like they've been taken like 20 years ago! LOL, ive seen alot more of this lately. One pic looked so old, you could see like the ripples and ridges,lol. Im like okay you got any recent pics!!

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  16.   buckbaker says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 09

    Some of the reasons I look but not respond to a profile, other than the ones already mentioned are things like women who describe themselves as "diva" or profiles with lots of slang or explitives. If I see the word "gurl" or "blaque", I move on. Then there are the obvious liars. (22 years old and a doctor?) Please don't insult the little bit of intelligence that I have, Doogie. And speaking of education, when I see thirty-somethings who's occupation is "student". Sorry. And then there are the teachers who can't use the proper contraction for the words "you are". And finally there are the pictures or in a lot of cases, lack there of. If you have 5 blurry, out of fucus pictures of you, self taken with your cell phone. If you can't find a friend to take one decent picture of you, I don't have time for you. If you are thirty something and you see the need to post your high school graduation picture something is wrong. And of course let's not forget all the pictures of you and some other guy. Ladies I know that you have fathers or brothers or sons or cousins or guys who just happen to live next door. I'm interested in seeing what you look like, not him. And finally if your profile says that you don't smoke or drink, please don't post the picture of you with the cigarette hanging out of your mouth and the bottle of Jack in your hand.

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  17.   CanadianGC says:
    Posted: 31 May 09

    Well I don't agree with the "Most of us run to online dating when finding a date offline fails" part. Dates are easy to find or at least in my experience. Using this or any other site is just another venue to meet people. As for people who just look and never approach, it's really no different than any other situation or place. Lots of people look when your at a club, out for dinner, in the park.. but they never do approach. Males and females should simply learn to smile, saay hello and go from there.

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  18.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 17 Apr 09

    Sometimes ; People do not have another present to take their full body Photos .

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  19.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 16 Apr 09

    Spirit773,I also felt that he was directing his comments specifically to women. Some men are shallow and quite superfical. I have some issues with looks that may be a little shallow.(when I say this I mean certain appearances I find endearing in a man) But mind everyone, I do not go around worrying about what others think of me nor would I exclude myself from being involved with a man because he may not posses some of these qualities that are physically attractive to me. But I have to confess that I like attention.

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  20.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 16 Apr 09

    Hey spirit773 has a point there. That dude was talking about how people should have full body photos yet all 5 of his photos are head shots!!!

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  21.   ycrem says:
    Posted: 16 Apr 09

    because... they look, cos they just look and not write, cos they don't want to :D

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  22.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 16 Apr 09

    Wooddragon13 ..The world is full of good looking sociopaths. Online dating is, to put a it bluntly, a marketing site and the product on the market is you.Everybody on this site ( indeed any dating site) 'pushes'what they comsider to be their USP.Admittedly sometimes on some profiles information both visual and written is a little misguided. BUT, that is just my opinion which is entirely subjective and therefore i fully accept that someone else may find beauty where i have not. However,i'm assuming that your comments are aimed entirely at women because i note that on your profile you don't follow your own advice.

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  23.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 16 Apr 09

    Yeah,It may sound shallow but Im telling you, I think if you keep updated pics and full body pics youll get more response. When I first subscribed, I didnt have that many full body pics and most guys were like send a pic, or want hook up through the webcam so they can see you, and Im not feelin' that all the time especially when we first start talking!So yeah I think everybody should definitely post a full body pic.

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  24. Posted: 16 Apr 09

    It's a numbers game. If I'm like most people on here, the number of photos you have helps people determine if they want to pursue. Some people have a winning photo that triggers an instant response. For the most part, I would say if you want to get more responses, have a face pic and a full body pic. It may sound shallow, however at the least, you'll know the person contacting you has seen your best/worst and is still interested in finding out more about you.

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  25.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 11 Apr 09

    Youre right Esmayali, Im new to this site (just shy of a month) and all the men I met seem cool at first, then they turn out to be ***holes! I have one friend that I chat with everyday who is cool, but he lives on the other side of the country! LOL, after reading your story, I hope I don't run into someone like that! Thanks for the heads up!

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  26.   Esmayali says:
    Posted: 11 Apr 09

    After reading the above post I am going to tell you about a friend that I met on this site, however, first I must say that: Don't be disappointed. Losers are common on dating sites. It's a fact that the majority of men on dating sites are just looking for "booty calls" A very small percentage are really looking for a relationship. Now my story: I met a member on here who has been a member for almost 2 years. Not a bad looking man. He described his relationship as "dating" and having a lots of " FUN"! As I got to know him better he told me that he was not in the " financial" position to have any "real relationships" and that paying $60 yearly afforded him more "but" than he could handle. He imagined what he wanted his life to be like and that is exactly what he wrote on his profile. Nothing of what he wrote is true. For example: I am a producer, etc, etc, all a figments of his imagination. He loves skype and always tries to get new unsuspecting victims to d-robe for him. I appreciate him because I was clued in and I can now interview potential men better.

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  27.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    Yes Spirit, I received two flirts from this one guy, and he was like, hey pretty woman, I am attracted to you!, email me at such and such, you won't be disappointed! He was quite handsome so I said ill chat with him. I was offended because he wanted me to come spend the weekend with him and said he loves spending money and that he's always a gentleman! When I told him that he must have lost his mind, he never responded and I never heard from him again. I was a little disappointed but I wasnt angry. His loss I just wish I could believe that there aren't guys out there who just want to have sex, but I know there are and its sad. Oh yeah Spirit and what about the pervs that want to you to email them more revealing picture!

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  28.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 10 Apr 09

    Don't you find your 'broad-mindedness' gets tested in the strangest places? I know that at times mine has been whilst i've been on this site. Why would any right thinking grown man write in the public part of his profile that he's packing 9" and he'll be gentle with you ?! I know that i should have been impressed and that my broad-minded self should have been saying 'If thats how he chooses to represent himself it's his right' .However,only two words came to mind...'Vile' and 'Nasty'. I don't know about you sisters, but i have never deliberately looked at a profile where the writer has a profile name with any of the following words (or combination of them) including any derivatives: Freak Stud Inches Juicy Flows Hoss Bamboo Alpha-male Slave Sixty-Nine ( or even 69) Cream Muscle Sexy Any of the above in combination withe word 'Love'! There are guys whose profile name looks totally innocent.You decide to take a look and find a profile full of 'Find out laters.The only other information you get is that he is a submissive looking for his 'Chocolate' dominatrix. You make a hasty retreat and press the 'Remove me from X's who's looked at me list' several times just to make sure Mr Beat-Me-Please can't ever contact you ! There's evidence enough on some profiles to make you wonder whether some men ever really leave the 'boy' behind. Yes, i expect my man to deliver in our physical relationship but i also expect him to show his 'quality' (class)well before we get that point.

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  29. Posted: 09 Apr 09

    i meant to type...will not play games***

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  30. Posted: 09 Apr 09

    It use to bother me when someone would look and look and look but never speak or type, but then I started to realize. The right man for me while not play games. He will read my words and realize this woman is serious so I better be serious if I want to be part of her life. If he passes me by after seeing my pic and profile then I know he is not the one God has set aside for me, and we all know God knows best. Lets remember people...quality is better than quantity any day of the week.

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  31.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 04 Apr 09

    Thank you Spirit, you are a very intelligent woman!

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  32.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 04 Apr 09

    BrownB09-Don't be discouraged. We meet people who play games in all spheres of our lives why should an on-ine dating site be any different ? Better to have found out their inconsistencies early than to give your heart and have it broken. All things will come , don't be frustrated.Go on positively an peacefully with your life and give thanks and praise that somebody somewhere loves you enough to keep you away from people who are not worthy of you.

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  33.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 03 Apr 09

    I get discouraged when I start to chat with someone I really connect with or if someone keeps sending flirts and no reply! I get frustrated sometimes

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  34.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 02 Apr 09

    The distance question is a complex one. When i first joined the site i was very open to moving anywhere in the world, with my children naturally.Then last summer my eldest son presented me with the most beautiful present i've had in years.. my exquisite grand-daughter. She has definitely made me change my view more. I'm studying Russian at university.The requirements of the degree are that in your 3rd year you spend a year out in Russia. I'm writing this note on another grey day in Moscow .I have to say that separation from my children and grand-baby has been extremely tough.I know that my kids are grown/growing up but this time away from them has forced me to reflect truthfully on whether i could honestly be separated from them again. The answer , at this point , is truthfully no. I recognise the effect that will have on my choices .Yet it does not mean that i am any less committed to being in a relationship. So , i guess in essence what i'm trying to say is that when you read in a profile that someone doesn't want to relocate , don't disregard them. Their reasons may in all probability not be based on selfishness but on love.

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  35.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 09

    Believe , Grow old together

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  36.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 09

    When seeking another online , Distance is a factor / all of Us know what we Desire . Some of Us think that as we were all born Naked , that is one thing All People have in common - No doubt . I being one of those Men , that always saw Intimate Moments as a Large part of a Relationship . Which I will call Reality in Life , have shown my body parts at another Date Ting site as do Women show parts of their naked chest / Only because they think it maybe of Attraction to a Man . Love includes more than just Sex , alas We all Like an attractive person to be seen with . The pot of Gold at the end of the Rainbow , moves with the Sun and the rain clouds . As a Couple , We decided to grow together until all of Our Desires in Life become Reality . " You can't always get what you want " don't remember who sang that song . You can however work together for a Fuller life if you want . The Perfect mate does know exist , because we all desire to find someone different from Us . My wife wanted a Man and I wanted a Woman . Cannot get any simpler than that .

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  37.   Esmayali says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 09

    Well put spirit 773 !

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  38.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 09

    This is a timely discussion.3 days ago i gave myself the task of 'favouriting' 10 men because even i was getting tired of my excuses for not contacting someone. I have made myself look through goodness knows how many profiles of guys across the board .After going through the pre-requisite sifting i've come to the conclusion i must be a freak of nature destined to repeat Brando's 'Coulda been a contender' monologue to the end of days to anyone who'll stand still long enough to listen :) I love intelligence in all it's guises , i think that it's seductive. However, i wonder whether it's more important for women and whether we are less threatened by it than men are ? I have considered 'dumbimg down'my profile but decided ultimately that i have to be me . I will keep on looking .Although I have to admit i have been lured into to a profile only to find some semi-naked shot .. a turn off for me... leave something to the imagination. You know the kind the he's half naked with his tongue hanging out or the 1st photo is of him in the office and then the 14th is of him in his bedroom telling you to' Come to Papa'.Unfortunatley your eye can only focus on the delightful pale green washing basket he forgot to move out of the picture. Then you read the profile of the PhD graduate whose spelling and grammar are really suspect . Or what about all those 'grown' men who should now better than to try and be part of the text-speak generation. I'm a big girl i know and accept that i won't appeal to everybody because not everybody appeals to me. I don't fret about it because life's too short .Besides which i truly believe that first and foremost we must believe in and love the beauty that is within all of us. I'll keep looking and in the interim hope that i find the most exotic specimen of the male species...the literary man .

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  39.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    Believe ; All things start in the Beginning

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  40.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    26 hours on a Big Dog Express my Babie spent to travel to me , we rode home scraping the road cause the shocks on the car were broken . April tenth be two years Married

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  41.   cometdog says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    I don't mind getting alot of views. I guess it is kinda like car shopping. It is a large thing in someones life. So you look alot maybe take a few out for test drives (message). I wish some of the ones that emailed me a few times and never replied back after the last message would have said something. I am also glad to find that I am not the only one that is getting hit by those scam artist from over seas. I kind like what Ebony Colt said about finding some one near. I almost would feel honored to have someone from the same state message me. If I could get some one with in a half a days drive at least I would have a chance to go and have a date on Friday evening and then Lunch date on Sat then go home kinda thing. But it becomes more complicated with they are soo far away.

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  42.   mts2sea says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 09

    tdrom was correct when noting that the one line responses are unnerving. When one takes the time to review and respond to your profile, simple manners presume at least a cordial rejection; or if an interest is peeked, then perhaps a few lines of witty banter, or harmless flirting. But, do something!

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  43.   tdrom says:
    Posted: 23 Mar 09

    I also think the article is correct as well. Everyone has different preferences and everyone is not for anyone. So just focus on improving the self and it will reflect through the writing. I think what unnerves me instead of people who visit another's page without contact, is once the contact is initiated the response is more so a one liner. I mean, there is a reason why you have all this space to write about one's self. This is why its call online dating. Because besides the picture you post, the viewer should read or want to read to find out more about the inner workings of beautiful face. At least pick something out it to show that you could read =) What would make me view a page and not contact them is education. I'm not expecting a genius, but at least show whether you have made an attempt in education or if not, what success you have encountered despite your education status

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  44.   TriChique says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 09

    Well I agree with the article and what most have posted. After seeing so many - no drama, no baggage on others I think I included it in on my profile. The smoking preference - I have asthma so smoking is a deal breaker. I have had someone try to hide it, I found out anyway.

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  45. Posted: 20 Mar 09

    Kasteph, I'd love to come to your rescue...but you're thousands of miles away from me. You're thousands of miles away from most of the men on this site. If you lived in New York City or even anywhere in America, you'd have way more men available. You're willing to relocate anywhere in the world, but you wouldn't want to relocate for me until you got to know me better than you can without our spending a lot of time together. Also, your preferred age range excludes me and many others. Sure we all have preferences, but they do limit what's available.

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  46.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 09

    I think an even bigger problem is the people who look at the pictures in the profiles and write you without even reading anything in your profile. Then you get an "oh my bad" when they're way on the other side of the country and have "not willing to relocate" on their profile.

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  47.   Jazie says:
    Posted: 27 Feb 09

    I'm new at this but I don't take the "no contact" as a sign of rejection. If someone checks my profile out and finds something that no longer interests them they shouldn't make contact...really what would be the point?

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  48.   Esmayali says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 09

    I don't think it's the country or you. You are a good looking girl. It's a good idea not to limit yourself. Be open to more racial groups. If you limit yourself to one group of people, your choices are limited to that particular group of people. Also write more about yourself and the things you like to do. Like me, you will find men that need more than a beautiful face. I get emails from nice looking guys but then I read the profiles and find that we have nothing in common or that they din't have much to say. So I keep it moving. If you are persistent you are bound to find that which you seek.

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  49.   Kasteph17 says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 09

    Someone please come to my rescue, am tired of being single,and no man seem to be serious with me, or is it because of were I come from? Come on, Kenya is a good country!

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  50.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 09

    Addendum ....of course I do want to eventually be in a committed marriage though. My question on this particular site since people live so far away from each other is are you basing your decisions on how much she/he can get on a plane and come to visit you? You hit the interest button but are you really going to travel to him/her regularly if you hit it off? Men: If you live out of town, How much time do you plan to spend traveling to see her? First time only then 50/50%, 100% of the time, 50/50% ,60%/40%, 70%/30%? Men: You hit the interest button, she hits the interest button back. Why don't you email her?

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