Why Mars and Venus Collide

Posted by Ria, 25 Feb 08

Yeah, we all know the story – Drama! Drama! More Drama!

Well you gotta admit that when you see this book "Why Mars and Venus Collide", you would have a have a tinge of temptation to buy it. Well, when I was at the book signing last week or so at the Barnes and Noble in Huntington Beach, trust me … the book was calling on to me: “Buy Me!᾿ (What woman wouldn’t want to know why men forget birthdays or refuse to talk things out anyway?)

John Gray the author, was there doing a signing for this book. And before the signing, he was kind enough to at least discuss his chapter on stress and hormones.

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Apparently, when men have a surge in testosterone, their stress level goes down. So wen your man comes home from a hard days work and puts on the TV the TV to watch a basketball game and pays no attention to all your complaints, well Gray says that’s how men roll. It’s just a man replenishing his energies and managing stress best way he can.

Women on the other hand need higher levels of the hormone oxytocin to feel good and less stressed. And the level of oxytocin in a woman is raised by something men have to be manipulated with tears to do - feeling supported, cherished, sharing feelings and being connected with others as per the research Gray investigated.

He also claimed that the man's brain is set up for emergencies … that is what drives a man into action.

So what does this say for our relationships with our spouses?

1) If men are motivated by emergencies, crying is one emergency a man cannot ignore even when watching the game. So wail woman and get those oxytocin levels raised. (ps. Pray to God he don’t get immune to this)

2) If sharing is what calms women, then women need to look for substitutes to provide this. Have as many girlfriends who have your back as possible. Share your feelings and experiences with the girls and have those oxytocin levels sky-rocketing high before you get home and let the man watch telly. But then again, once in a while, men also need to at least try (or pretend then) and offer that emotional and verbal connection.

3) Men also need to practice planning romantic gestures and events because that raises women's oxytocin level. And anyway, I believe if you care about your woman, with this knowledge, you would at least try. We understand this is not as natural for men but trust me, it’s the thought that counts. And you know what, if Gray is right, then a woman with lower oxytocin levels will be a b****y woman. What would you rather have?

Well, one thing I would like to believe is that when a woman’s oxytocin levels are high, I am sure this has an effect on men too. Look at it this way, if she is happy and content, you get to watch your telly in peace, she may probably serve you beer so you don’t miss a moment of the game and she may be for some adult game time later. So it’s therefore best for couples to do the best they can to bring out the best in themselves and their mates.

So what is your opinion on John Gray’s report? Does he make much sense?

15 responses to "Why Mars and Venus Collide"

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  1.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 19 Apr 08

    Yes...apples and oranges! Smiles, Sharon

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  2. Posted: 03 Apr 08

    OH LAWDY! LAWD! -- Here we go again.. another scientist trying to decode the male brain - I will say one thing though.. I disagree with second point of having as many girlfriends as possible to share your experiences - THAT IS HORRIBLE ADVICE! - Trust me I should know :)! - In my experience and this may not be true for everyone - if you have a large circle of friends that you "depend on for advice" they can turn out to be toxic b****s! - One might be too bitter; another might be after what you have and use the information against you; another might be an enabler.. telling you what you want to hear! I mean.. the list is endless! Women can be strange creatures.. I am one.. so I know what I am talking about.. (go ahead rip me apart) - BUT before you do, think about this, would it not be easier if you can be able to have an open discussion with your man before running to your "many girlfriends" for advise? I know that is wishful thinking since most men are not open to having "the talks" BUT - I feel that if you really love someone, you do everything to make it work.. I liked what cocokisses said - try and to do something that brings you closer as a couple. I am curious to read the entire book though but one thing that I will not do.. as a woman..is having a large group of girlfriends to give me all sorts of advice on my man.. oh no honey! I will meet with them once in a while to talk about "Martini's, Manolo's and Men" and that's it. I have the need to "share" or seek advice - I am limiting it to one or two - that's it!.

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  3.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 03 Apr 08

    What a relief that they are not actually colliding! Uranus is the problem

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  4. Posted: 24 Mar 08

    my girl asked me if im worried about mars and venus colliding after reading this article... i said im more worried about going to Uranus

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  5.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 12 Mar 08

    Fala keeps repelling me

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  6.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 05 Mar 08

    LOL...I think men might think repelling is a good word to use! LOL Southern smiles, Sharon

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  7.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 02 Mar 08

    Not sure if repelling is the right word. You would think that gravity would attract them together, but they can't seem to break free of the sun's pull to meet.

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  8.   fala says:
    Posted: 28 Feb 08

    They can't collide. They're in totally different orbits. They do a good job of repelling each other.

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  9.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 27 Feb 08

    I see some truth in his report, but it is more of an individual thing. Both men & women can be at either extreme of the emotional scale. This is why it may take a while to find a compatible partner.

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  10.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 08

    I always figuare that a man to needs that emotional attention. Just as women need it yes a nice bath with a good book helps with the mindset of any mood. But if a man knows you understands his wants and needs it helps a lot.

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  11.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 08

    Whatever y'all...I am going to buy this book! At least my hubby and I have sports...football together for us is as good at bringing us closer than anything :) Any book that can help me further understand him is worth the dough :)

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  12.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 08

    So once again scientists have proved that it is only a chemical reaction...there is more to life than that! Smiles Sharon

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  13.   SnazzyBella says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 08

    I agree that both men and women should work better to understand how the other gender feels. we really need to bridge the gap between a woman's mindset and a man's mindset.

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  14.   SnazzyBella says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 08

    I agree that both men and women should work better to understand how the other sex feels.

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  15.   fruitofjane says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 08

    I think it's really important to be aware of the different way the sexes process emotions, information, etc. in order to get along and understand each other better. John Gray has been working this angle for a long time and seems to know his stuff. My only gripe about his current work is that he doesn't seem to include transgenders as a focus group at all. Which planet do they represent? What emotions get sticky in that situation? The universe isn't just about Mars and Venus, my pretties!

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