Birds do it, bees do it and apparently 1 in 3 men do it. It’s not even a shocking revelation any more. But why? Is there anything that we as women can do to prevent it? Are we destined to live our lives with cheatin’ men? Not that women don’t do their fair share of dirt…this just ain’t about that.
The name of the book is “The Truth about Cheating…Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It” by M. Gary Neuman. He was on Oprah last month talking about this new book and the fact that it was inspired by an earlier appearance on her show. I missed that one, but heard about it. The show took place not long after 911 when there were a number of women who had been cheated on by their firefighter husbands with the widows of other firefighters. The author was there to help these wives.
Mr. Neuman’s book says that it’s purpose is to help women build a solid marriage. It discusses why and how men cheat, what to do to improve your marriage, healing after the affair and my favorite parts are the statistics. It always amazes me that the numbers can be so far apart. I mean it’s mentioned that anywhere between 22-70 percent of married men cheat. Hey, that’s the difference between two guys playing a little one-on-one in basketball and a whole damn pro team with two sitting on the bench.
Somewhere in all this research it’s been said that around 50 percent of men do it. I’m sure that it’s not irony that over half of all marriages end in divorce although the number one reason is NOT because of infidelity. It’s always about something else isn’t it? The reason men and women cheat, the explanation of why some people find it easier to give up and give in than to try to make things work.
It’s somewhat comical to me that I hear a lot of people blaming the Internet for the serge of cheaters. It’s only funny because there has been research dating back as far as the early 50′s that suggest that nearly one half of married men back then where cheating or had cheated on their wives too. Of course that was a long time before cyber-sex, chat rooms and web cams were even thought about. I’m sure that the creation of the Internet has made finding someone to “do your thang” with a whole lot easier, but it by no means has “made” men do it.
The reality is that these guys, whether it’s 2 or 7 out of ten, they are not cheating alone. As the book points out, the days of lying to a woman about being married or unhappy in your relationship is no long required to get a woman in bed.
The other day I was having a conversation with my massage guy (who’s married). He tells me this story about one of his co-workers that’s been coming on to him. I ask “doesn’t she know that you are married”, he laughs, “yeah, but a lot of women don’t care”. I guess that’s a whole other article.
This is Leticia, do you, could you, have you, would you? Remember the verse…”do unto others….I get it…do you?”
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Cheating is a breach of trust and not confined to gender.
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monogamy is a learned behavior, by men.
also find out what type of woman your guys likes and either introduce him to her or try to become her. I like slender women and want my woman to stay slender.
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Men and women cheat because that is a character flaw. Its a character flaw that if known/shows itself I stay away from. Sometimes you will be able to avoid the headache by having someone you respect vouch for this woman or man. This is not foolproof, but you do limit the odds.
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Cheating is a choice, you do it or you dont. Every man or women at some point in their relationship think about it, flirt with it and in the end make a choice to do it or not. Once you have crossed the line there is no going back. The next time just gets easier and easier until you dont even feel guilt anymore. Men can do it and not feel attached but women emotionally are more affected. I have cheated and been cheated on, not a good feeling but in the end how will I actually know? So have decided if hes going to do it just glove it up dont bring home anything funky cause then the shit will hit the fan.
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“Real men dont live by a woman’s law?!” But what… real men cheat?! WTF is that?! I’m sorry, maybe I’m misunderstanding, but that’s how I take that comment that “Mrrealman” made. And I wasnt even thinking of posting my own comment until I saw his.
I can see how Christian believes have conditioned humans into thinking that “one man and one woman together for ever” is the way it’s supposed to be. However, some of the more godly and religious men (chosen by god) of the bible had many women; King David, Abraham. Its been acceptable for men to have many women because men have been the (physically) strongest of the specie so they’ve been able to make up the rules. It was ok for Abraham to have 4 wives, but if any of his women (or any of Kind David’s many women) had more than one man, they would’ve be considered a whore… and probably stoned to death. I’m not much of a believer of religion, I do believe that we, as part of the animal kingdom, are animals, and most animals, like lions and deer, have many females. That however, is natures way of controlling and preserving the population, the specie, and making sure that the strongest and healthiest male is producing strong, healthy offsprings, not a bunch of weaklings- for survival. We as humans, are already over-populated and with this over-population has come many problems in my opinion; hunger, illnesses, diseases, wars, environmental problems,other species going extinct, etc…
We are animals too, but unlike other animals, we have the capacity to act and react with the ability to think and rationalize first (about the consequences for our actions), not merely by instinct. Which means that women AND men should think of the consequences to the relationship and the effects to those who love you the most, if you sleep with someone else without your partner’s consent. If both persons in the relationship agree to a non-monogamous relationship and are perfectly ok, than AMEN and more power to you, but if you’re both in a “committed” relationship with each other, than both partners should be respecting the boundaries of that relationship.
Unlike other animals, we also have the ability to communicate with each other and talk things out. If one partner is missing something from the relationship; more affection, more communication, more romance, more sex, more kinkiness, or whatever, then they should be able and willing to talk about that to help the relationship. I think like people, relationships are always changing, and we as humans need to constantly work on our relationships to make them better and stronger.
It’s a give and take, it should be 50/50 at all times. This, (most)men need to get through their heads. Like someone’s comment pointed out, if women now a days are not just raising the children, but in charge of the housework, working, paying bills, doing the groceries, or going to school- and everything in between, then they may very well be pretty exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of the day (not to mention resentful) of everything they’ve had to do, to also have sex. Just FYI- most women may see sex as yet one more thing to do to satisfy someone else, not herself. Like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs explains, humans will want to take care of their basic needs first before taking care of any other: breathing, food, water, sleep, and yes, SEX! But an exhausted person will want to take care of the need for rest before the need for sex. Just like any person will choose first to breath to stay alive before taking care of their need to eat.
On the other hand, there are men who are very helpful in their relationship with their partner and get very little in return to satisfy their manly needs. I’ve known of women who care very little about their appearance or of the importance to do their share to spice things up in the relationship and in the bedroom, or maybe even more emotionally distant than their male counterpart. I believe its important for a woman to keep herself attractive, feminine, and sexy because, like MRREALMAN said, a man will be constantly exposed to a sexy, attractive woman while out and about. It might make him feel good to know he has one at home that’s all his. Trying new things in the bedroom to spice things up, dressing up, playing roles and scenarios are things every woman should be willing to do to keep things interesting. And it shouldn’t be done just for “HIM,” but for yourself as a woman too, because its sexy and hot damn it.
I can go on and on, but I’ll get off my soap box now. I believe, ultimately what it comes down to, is having consideration, openess, communication, and respect for each other as partners to avoid the cheating. If one person isn’t willing to give all these 50/50, then the other person needs to realize this and move on. And if the people in the relationship have different points of view about what “committment” means then they need to find someone more compatible with their thoughts and belives.
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MEN CHEAT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS NOT BUILT FOR US TO BE IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH ONE WOMAN. i KNOW WE ARE “SUPPOSED TO BE CIVILIZED” BUT WOMEN OUTNUMBER US LIKE 4 TO 1. WOMEN NEED AFFECTION TOO. IF WE WERE ALL FAITHFUL 3,000,000,000 WOMEN WOULD EITHER TO BECOME LESBAINS OR GO WITHOUT. IF A WOMAN READS THIS SHE WON’T WANT TO HEAR IT BUT MAYBE WOMEN SHOULD LEARN TO SHARE.
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People cheat beacause they are gamblers and willing to risk something with longevity for something temporary. Lust leads us in different directions and only GOD can change ones heart. The faithful man stands tall with integrity. The cheater is weak and full of nothing.
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well this is my experience, i went online for dating,and met this wonderful man, well he was not truthful in the fact that he was married, we had already built up a good friendship, so i told listen i can’t see you anymore because doing a married man was not what i wanted so he told his wife that he was having an affair she accepted it!!! but i still ended it, he said that he feels like he is just someone who brings home the money get’s told what to do by her, and her parents and no one listens to him at all. but because i gave a listening ear and we talked a lot and i paid some attention to him that’ts what drew him even closer to me. he was like my best freind but i did’nt wanna partake in that when i knew that wise old saying someone always gets left out and it’s always the other women.
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i really liked the article. i am one of the women that has a cheating “other”. By no means did i do anything to deserve it. What some people have to realize that you as a female can satisfy your man to the fullest, but that isn’t going to keep them from cheating. I don’t know exactly what it is that makes a person feel that they have to cheat. Some men can love their woman and think that she is the most beautiful person on earth, but then they can see someone that they also think is beautiful. They think the other person is beautiful in a whole entire different way…
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Why do men cheat? Because women allow them to do so…by cheating with them or by staying in a fictitious monogamous relationship and looking the other way…
A man only does what you allow him to do. This is what separates the women from the girls!
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I think people cheat because, people love for so many different reasons, alot of time a person is inlove with another because of what they can get. when all of that is out, then the love is over with, so they began to find love elsewhere, another reason is a lot of people is not happy with themselves, so in order to be happy they might find happiness by getting involve with different people. which is never through happiness.
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I think people cheating, because they are trying to find fulfilment, they may not find it in the person they are with at that time. Sometimes peer pressure, they friend do it so they wants to be in the spotlight too, or it is something they seem from adolescent age, their Dad and other relative. Even thought they have a mind for themself, they think it is right cause Dad got away with it and Mom still stay with him. Again people cheat cause they think they are going to get away with it and for some it could be a fetish, the fear of getting caught, could be a turn on for that persn.
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I understand why men cheat because I have been the other woman more than once. I am also married and selfish. The men who have become my intimate friends, past and present, have a list of complaints that don’t change. The complain that sex sucks after marriage but thier wives no longer do. No matter how she looked before marraige she always lets something go. As a wife with a family I know this is true because I am as sexy today as the day I met my spouse and he appreciates it. Worst of all is all that mouth. Men marry sweet women who find a way to compromise and end up with a demanding bitch who refuses to budge. I am the anti-wife for these men and they would trade any of thier wives to be with me if I allowed it. They see me as the perfect alternative to the drag the wife has become. A woman who is enthusiastic and sexually open and willing and looks and smells good enough to eat. I never object to this either or anything else that excites him as long as it’s not painful or humiliating and IIII decide. I am a freak because it is who I chose to be. It just works out well for your husbands. Take some advice from me. If you become more like me you won’t have to be as concerned about me or other women like me. As for my spouse. I am everything listed above for him plus I run the hell out of my home. He has no worries, no sexual frustration, and he knows I really don’t care if he plays around a bit. I bury my head in the sand for him and will continue to do so as long as he knows his place and respects my position. You women better wake up, perform some routine maintenance(yes, shave the kitty…they love that), and become the whore in the bedroom that your man desires. He may still stray but at least you won’t have yourself to blame.
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wow………. everybody has somethin to say about cheating. i blame women more than men because they provide opportunities for men to cheat.
But can anyone cheat on someone they really love, male or female? thats if love is real in the first place
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I’m not one for cheating, I have more respect for myself and for whoever I’m with. The responsible thing to do is talk to your partner if you’re unhappy with the way your relationship is going, that way you can work together to fix the problem. If that doesn’t work, then it’s probably time to walk away. Either way, the cheating issue is resolved.
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I am a young guy but i can surely say a lot when it comes to men cheating on there wives this is just because the heart of a man is that of God which is not easy to satisfy a woman that will satisfy her husband and won’t let him cheat on her will do a great job and this is another necessary job that stand aside from your daily work and this are few things you surely have to believe and be doing to keep your man first you have to have it on mind and believe it that your home is your life and your and your man is your home cause some women will just think what what’s a man i make money from my job whats a man to me which wwon’t make you do your neccessary duty you can’t be perfect but here are just basic thing you have to be doing which are changing of styles of your happiness towards him your mood should never be of the same as yesterday and that of tomorrow must be different from today cause satisfying the heart of a man is no joke and don’t basically base that you are so naughty on bed and you think that will stop your man from cheating on you it won’t it will only make him think of practicing it with other ladies all should be done to prevent this changing your styles and your mood of happiness like a chameleon you have to study him so much know the best word you tell him that touches his heart know the best way to make him smile easily know the best meal to cook for him and your dressing mode indoor should be of different type which means only for his eyes only this things could buy the heart of a man and when i say buying the heart of a man it means stealing his heart away meaning you are doing an heart robbery duty and making it hard for him to stop thinking about you and also meaning you keep making him think you have millions of lovely things that are hiding that he still needs to know cause when a man easily detect he as reach the end of you then there won’t be further happiness like before and it means the relationship will start retarding and you know what this mean he start doing what we talking about no matter how patience he is or how strong he is cause he is a man and there million of things he sees that seems marvellous to him outside and if a man cheats on you is a very simple thing to know there are just few things that i won’t love to mention directly here this things will surely show up on him no matter how wise he is or how perfect he is in cheating you will know why i use perfect there is because some men are perfect cheaters even pastors do this things and your husband friend’s and even his dad you do reported him to when you figure that his cheating on you are also involve in this act you just don’t know it but this things am talking about will surely make a woman know if a man is cheating on her.
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Just the facts . I am from an island where there are 8 women for each 1 man.
In a lot of parts of South America there are 12 women for each 1 man, the list can go on. So isn’t it time that we do the natural (primitive) thing of sharing a man? just take out the agendas and say Monday is for Lola, Tuesday fro Brigith, Wednesday etc. and maybe a day you swap days or skip and take two days whatever. But clearly this monogamous stuff is not working, expecially with the bunch of horny ladies lurking to snatch daddy away from his happy family. Just trying to be realistic and not live ideas that are not feasable.
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When I first felt that my husband of 7 yrs. was cheating on me, I thought it was my fault. I tried everything to make things right. I got a higher paying job so that we could have less worries about bills and could use the extra money to spend on whatever we needed to spend more time together as a couple away from the children and to use on things to spcie up our love life. But instead, he accused me of cheating and turned into a man I did not know at all. After 3 years apart he supposedly couldn’t stand being without me and claimed to want me back in his life. He even paid to have me and the children move to where he was so we could be together. Yet, he continued to text/talk to other women. When I went to him in a calm way and told him that I felt disrespected and used, and wanted to know why he had me here if he didn’t want our marriage to work, he told me that I was making a big deal about nothing and that I shouldn’t worry about the other women because I was the one that was here physically. For you who think cheating is okay, you have no idea how much emotional damage you are doing to the other person. As for my husband, he will soon be free to do whatever he wants because I do not plan to stay in a relationship such as this.
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When I first felt that my husband of 7 yrs. was cheating on me, I thought it was my fault. I tried everything to make things right. I got a higher paying job so that we could have less worries about bills and could use the extra money to spend on whatever we needed to spend more time together as a couple away from the children and to use on things to spcie up our love life. But instead, he accused me of cheating and turned into a man I did not know at all. After 3 years apart he supposedly couldn’t stand being without me and claimed to want me back in his life. He even paid to have me and the children move to where he was so we could be together. Yet, he continued to text/talk to other women. When I went to him in a calm way and told him that I felt disrespected and used, and wanted to know why he had me here if he didn’t want our marriage to work, he told me that I was making a big deal about nothing and that I shouldn’t worry about the other women because I was the one that was here physically. For you who think cheating is okay, you have no idea how much emotional damage you are doing to the other person. As for my husband, he will soon be free to do whatever he wants because I do not plan to stay in a relationship such as this.
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Well all of this proved to be really interesting…
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…and educative?
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I find that men who cheat are going to cheat despite the efforts of the women to do everything right. It comes down to immaturity and selfishness. Senator Edwards wife smiled and stood by her husband and a year later we can hear the anger in her voice even after he admitted tot he cheating. History has taught me that 9 out of 10 times, if a man cheats once he will do it again. and pleaseee do not tell me about animals being with more than one so humans are the same. Thats a load…..
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Wait a minute. You mean men cheat? Next thing you know women are gonna start doing it too.
Hey if you give your word on something then follow through, or at least let your partner know that your word isn’t any good in advance. No amount of “He/she doesn’t understand me.” makes me less of a liar if I break my promise. I can always not agree in the first place.
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Southern Moca raises a good point. People tend not to change. Most of us like the groove (or rut) we have built for ourselves (no matter how much we complain about it). Eaters eat. Beaters beat. And cheaters cheat!! Take it to the bank.
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Men cheat for the same reasons women cheat
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animals have more than one partner because of procreation..is this the same reason human beings cheat? Its a big NO..cheating is both ways but it narrows down to the causes…can we check and adress what makes us cheat..then we can solve the issue
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I like the article but it really doesnt explain why men or women cheat. I believe its more mentally then anything. I find that people are not being themselves out of desperation to not be alone or to hold on to their deepest desires they wear a mask.
7 out to 10 men and women when they meet someone try to be who that person wants them to be inorder to win favor with that individual. This can last 1-2 years until the person being factitious starts to feel comfortable. Once comfortability sets in people become relax and do what is familar to them.
This is the turning a point, a man who use to take the women out by her flowers to impress stops, because that is not him anyway he was wearing a mask. And the women, stop taking care of themselves, the sex slows down and the arguments start over nothing.
As a man, I have been in relationships where I have been me from the begining loving caring, supportive, a provider etc. Most women are not use to that and dont know how to accept or return reciprocity.
Us men need to receive what we give if not we will soon loose interest and test waters, not really wanting to live the one were with but we have to obtain some happiness where it lacks.
Most men dont tell the other women that he is pursing that he is married or has a girlfriend from fear that he will be rejected. So we lie and we start a whole relationship with this new women as if we are single caring about her giving her attention for as long as we can until we either get caught or go back to or wives or girlfriends or unless the women that he is cheating with supplies his needs.
I dont think cheating is inevitable for a man, I am sorry guys but at some point in our lives we will cheat. We are physical creatures with sexual needs and desires.
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It is clearly a choice to deceive one self and/or your partner while for whatever reason, dodging the decision to keep it real with yourself & whoever you are with @ that moment. Karma is always cool for that!
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