Would you refuse commitment for fear of divorce?

Posted by Ria, 09 Oct 09

What would you do if you met someone who really loves you but doesn’t want to commit because he or she is scared of marriage and is afraid because the divorce rate is soooo high? Well, I know there are some people who feel; “why get married when we might get divorced anyway?”

A friend of mine is in such a dilemma. She is with a man who is scared of marriage. Problem is, the guy is madly in love with her. How long should she put her life on hold as she waits for this man to get over this fear? What should she do to ease his fears? Should she settle for the life of Angelina Jolie - Brad Pitt; Halle Berry - Gabriel Aubry – couples who are happy even though not married?

23 responses to "Would you refuse commitment for fear of divorce?"

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  1.   Wonka says:
    Posted: 06 Mar 10

    NO,because Wonka plans on being a bachelor FOREVER so ya see,I don't have to worry about those kinds of distractions!.Smart right?!,yeah I know.

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  2.   Vayl says:
    Posted: 27 Oct 09

    why does everyone tie being 'committed' to having this legal piece of paper to exress their feelings...the ONLY reason to possibly get married is to have children/or because of them(the latter not being a good reason in itself!)... two people can have a REAL long-term, committed relationship without believing in an antiquated religous ceramony to make it 'official'- don't use a marriage license as a gauge for how true someones heart is(or your own for that matter!)...getting married because society says its the 'right' thing to do, and to 'prove' your committed is simply inane! Don't buy into these hollow, empty platitudes simply to placate your peers/family(or in most cases to satisfy an ages-old dogma drilled into the minds of countless generations)--be how you feel, live on earth with the only mortal existance you have the way thats right and natural for you, and live a lifestyle that you choose, not your friends or society!

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  3.   Ariel says:
    Posted: 27 Oct 09

    This is a game...He doenst want any commitment...LOL..and she's falling for it.. DUMP his ASS and marry a dude..WHO WILL MARRY YOU...dude is a loser.

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  4.   Harmony67 says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 09

    I am for marriage in the end. It is honorable to me. It defines us as a couple together forever through all of the ups and downs'. Problem is why some marry in the first place, why some stray, etc. I have been married and have been greatly disappointed by how easy it is to get up and run away from what you vowed to be. The responsibilities involved. I have agreed to divorce as I was cheated on, no, I didn't do any cheating, but still it hurt like hell. I am still open to the biblical way of marriage in honor and respect for the man I married.

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  5.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 22 Oct 09

    Ok... Unmarried LTR = No Commitment under any circumstance for any reason unless you have some other legally binding contract in place. This guy is wasting your friend's time. I think as individuals we need to be honest about what is important to oneself first. Once that decision is made, then one should not allow anyone to change his or her mind on the issue. It's clear your friend is sacrificing something which might be important to her just to have someone (warm body) in her life. If this guy is unwilling to commit to marriage, what if the relationship or circumstnaces put another demand on him, such as a job loss, will he be there for your friend? It's clear this guy is in it for what he can get out of the relationship and there's no consideration for what he has to offer to make this a mutually beneficial relationship.

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  6.   bellara says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 09

    lol whurr i just think its nonsensical when people to be afraid of marriage if they are gonna get divorced anyway. which means why be in a relationship if you gonna break up anyway? everything in life is a gamble. to kragwitt: the gov't are involved for one major reason: to uphold monogamy. imagine if courts didnt have records of who's married, separated or single. people keep 5gfs/bfs at once, what makes you think they wont do the same with marriage if they could?

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  7.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 09

    People mistake flatulance for love? Then I have loved many and didn't know it! An old lady in Publix 'loved' me yesterday then, as she quickly pushed her cart around the corner to avoid her air biscuit of affection!!! OHHHHH...She said people misinterpret 'infatuation' not 'flatulance'.... MY BAD!!! Ummm... all the flatulance comments are contrived and please ignore them!!

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  8.   kragwitt says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 09

    Define marriage, 80% of americans say its an instution istablished by God between a man and a woman! Qt. What the heck is government doing in the business? Leave it as a religious instution. The courts have done two much damage to marriage by just processing paperwork and making lawers rich!!! Its not marriage I dispise, its the courts!! Marriage should belong to people not the courts!! Did you hear about the new Barbie Doll? She comes with all of Kens stuff.

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  9.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 09

    some people have convinced themselves that they are happier without the committment of marriage - let's get real, if you have committed five years to a relatonship you could have put five years into a mariage and make it legal AND enjoy all the perks that go with marriage. Saying you don't want marriage but living long term with someone "like" you're married is a cop-out and all in your head. Put the same effort you put into a "committment" into a marriage and it will work; if it doesn't it's because you don't want it to. Keep running around scared of divorce will keep you running around by yourself.

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  10.   Rache says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 09

    This society has us fooled into thinking that marriage is the basis for a happy and fulfilling relationship. We really have to ask ourselves if a piece of paper is really going to change anything in our relationships. Think about it, is the man/woman's affection,attitude or commitment to you going to change for the better just because of a marriage license? I am all for Jolie-Pitt, Berry-Aubrey relationships. No one's 'forcing' anyone to stay with anyone. They are together because they choose to be together. And at the end of the day, if they are not happy, they can walk away and avoid the hell and turmoil of a divorce. Lets face it, some people are just not made for marriage. Your friend should be careful about pressuring the man into this institution. It will eventually push him away. "Marriage is a great institution. Im not ready for an institution yet." - May West

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  11.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 09

    P.S. I have no idea how many joined this site / with the Desire to Live and Die Alone .

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  12.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 09

    Red Skelton once said " I married Miss Right , alas I did not know her first name was Always " Life is to Enjoy , to each his or her own . That is what makes Variety the Spice of Life . Bellara : # 11 would be because they both did not give 100 % and Life Alone is no Fun . Nothing ventured / Nothing Gained alas it does take two Serious people to walk the walk Together . A relationship does never start as Perfect / Time and time alone shall allow it to grow if both are willing .

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  13.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 16 Oct 09

    Divorce rates are high for many reasons but to name a few (10 avoidable reasons): 1. People mistaken infatuation/lust as love 2. People love into marriage without knowing each other very well. 3. People take too long to get married so by the time they make it down the aisle, the love might be gone. 4. People based their marriage on sex rather than true love. 5. Lack of communication. 6. They got married for wrong reasons (such as because the girl is pregnant or one of them pushed the other into it, etc...) 7. Two way cheating or one kept putting up with the other person's bull 8. They took other people's word over their spouses. 9. They had an open relationship/swingers 10. They got married because their friends are all married, or the fear of dying alone.

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  14.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 16 Oct 09

    How long would she put her own vision on hold if he was determined to live in Texas but she was equally determined to migrate to Australia? It is important for a couple to share dreams and visions. Some wag once said a man chooses a woman hoping she won't change and a woman chooses a man hoping he will. I don't know if that's true. However it does seem to me that if I'm committed to getting married it's a bad idea to get committed to a woman who is committed to not getting married. It hasn't worked. It probably won't.

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  15.   hazelpride says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 09

    I think this friend of yours, is using marriage as a yard stick to prove their commitment. Marriage to some determines everything but to other means little, what is important is the love you feel for each other. I don't feel the need to be married for someone to prove their love, I rather prefer a commitment contract.

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  16.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 09

    Sounds like they need a 'prenippleful' contract!

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  17.   ivorycelt says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 09

    This is riduculas If the guy is madly in love (as assumed/stated) Then what more does she want? She is the insecure one. Does she need it in writing before she can believe it? Either he is into her - or he is not. Does she not know? Can she not tell? No written contract will (should) ever change that.(either way) Me - i would never commit to something i wasnt commited to. This doesnt apply to just relationships - but to EVERYTHING. I am either into something/ someone, or i am not. Sure there is then the question of degree or passion. As for relationships, i have never known a woman who i was 'into' - who was in any doubt! But then i am the kind of guy who does get 'passionate' about whatever/ whoever i am into - when i do/am! So the (only) time when a 'commitment contract' would be appropriate - is the time when one would feel/ be irrelivent. Not saying i never would, not at all - But like i say in my profile - "i dont feel the need to marry - but looking for someone who makes me feel like could never marry any other!"

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  18.   Starman63 says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 09

    Any couple should not base their relationship on Hollywood or on statistics. Depending on how long they have been dating after a while you have to DTL- Define The Relationship. If one of you desires a commitment and the other one can't, won't or is afraid. Then the relationship should break up or the one who is having the commitment problems should be seeking some help from a counselor, pastor or a professional relationship counselor. Just putting off the marriage commitment is wrong, you are wasting your partners time away. Why are so many people afraid to commit anymore?

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  19.   lovelybbw says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    Well now, been there done that have the papers to prove it, BUT .....that does not mean that I would immediately seek out divorce in another relationship should the going get tough. I think we are mislead by 'the numbers' whats more important are the 'reasons' that tells a vastly different story. Fella' we really have scarrrrrred ya'll away from marriage and committment; sad but true. If its any consolation, I had to pay alimony :-(

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  20.   mstren says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    If it's going to work, both must be committed. If he's not ready don't push. If you can't wait or don't feel like he's coming around end it now. There are men willing and ready to commit.

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  21.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    Hmmmm Let's see: Making a life decision based on celebrity couples' relationships? (people who live in a different stratosphere due to money & fame probably both partners...not just one agrees with the status quo). ...Maybe not such a good idea if she wants marriage. If she's already given it a sufficient amount of her time, then it's time to start backing away and move on. Just my take on it.

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  22.   fyer says:
    Posted: 10 Oct 09

    If he is really madly in love with her and understands that marriage is not a smooth slope,then let him put his love to test and get married.There are couples that still go hand in hand even when they are Grey.Its more beautiful to achieve that in life.

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  23.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 09

    Marriage is the number one reason for Divorce ; If one does knot get married / there can be no Divorce . Movie Stars have always had Multible Divorce Rates . Common people do knot desire to spend the money needed for this as often . If we followed the examples set by what we see in the movies / there wood be many more Deaths than exist in Society at this time .

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