Would you take care of a dying ex?
They had a very bitter divorce that left her bitter and wounded for more than two decades. “It was very traumatic for me and I was angry for two full decades. But when I came back and saw him, it was hard to stay angry”, said DeMeo, 63. And there she was after 25 years of being divorced…moving back in with him... something she had never deemed possible. Not because the chemistry that they once had came flooding back; but it was because her ex husband had neuro-endocrine cancer that had left him blind and helpless. According to DeMeo, this was “one of the most profound and wisest things” she had ever done.
Apparently, this woman is not the only one. According to reports by health care providers and hospice workers, there is an increasing number of divorced women who are setting aside their bitterness to come help their ailing or dying exes.
The thing is most divorce women do it for a number of varied motivating factors. One woman said she didn’t want to live with the guilt of knowing she could have helped but didn’t. Others do it because they are just selfless. Most of them do it to protect their kids - either because the kids reached out to them for help or because if they don’t step in, the kids will have to do the job. And then of course, there are those who do it simply because no else would.
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These women really need to be applauded because stepping in to be a caregiver to someone you’ve been so bitter about for years isn’t easy. Plus the job itself drains someone – taking him to hospital, doing research about the illness on his behalf, being the shoulder to lean and depend on…
See, these women aren’t obliged to step in. No one expects them to. However, these women somehow felt it was their moral responsibility… being a good role model for their kids on what a spouse should do in such cases.
Can divorced men put the years of drama and heartache to take care of dying ex wives? Would you play caregiver to this person who may have hurt you most?
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