African American women urged to date interracially
The lives of single Black women are all over the news – being urged to date interracially. This was all backed by the release of the book "Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions That Keep Black Women From Dating Out" last month by law professor at Harvard Law School, Karyn Langhorne Folan
Folan encourages black women to extend their options. Since white men are the largest group of men in the country, makes sense... date whom you are around.
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
This is what she says during an interview with Essence.com:
We don't get to talk about what Black women deserve as much as we should. I feel so strongly about what I see as the brilliant diversity of beauty and talent and energy and intellect of Black women and we don't ever get to celebrate it. Some of that is the larger media and some of it is that we get beat down all the time with what we aren't and no one is talking up what we are. And we are pretty damn amazing. There's still this image that we're unworthy or less desirable than other women and unfortunately I think a lot of us buy that. That's bull to me. That's only true if you think it's true.
One great thing she says is:
Race is not the binding factor that we think it is. And, in the end, the best thing that you can do is find a partner that you really believe will be a good father, a good provider, a good husband and all of those things, whether he's Black, White or whatever. That's the thing that makes families survive… Your self-esteem has a big impact on what you attract, not color-wise, but content-wise. If you dated Black guys who were bad to you, you're going to date White guys who are jerks.
Well put don't you think?
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107 responses to "African American women urged to date interracially"
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pud44 says:Posted: 11 Jul 10I think that there is alot more white men that like black woman and more black women that like white men but they dont come out with it because of the cultural they may live in. Almost like being gay in alot of ways.
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kissime says:Posted: 18 Jun 10Blue1 You Rock!! @ Sean, you are not a prophet. You know nothing about my connection with God. God's spirit is within me and has protected me through the storm and through the fire. From birth to 2010 I am a miracle. The love I have for God wakens my soul when my steps are weakened, when my cries are dry from the lack of tears. When my voice is no longer from the scream of pain and sorrow, I pray to God as I close my eyes with beating heart of an obedient child-God listens. Every day I breathe is a gift from God. I wake up to see my son-and as I hold his little hands to my face is God telling me how blessed I am. I care for the sick daily. And I know sometimes all it takes is a nod and a gentle touch on a shoulder. The rain is as important to the soul as the sun. I am honored when the old man with calloused hands & hunched back says hello to me. My blessings are counted. Your views are based on history and current events covered by the media, and that's committing perjury. I will not be surprised to see you on the news as the notoriously devout assistant of the leader of a cult--using you to do his dirty work. Your manipulated tactics are of a sheltered 10th grader-@ best. Do yourself a favor, Have your physician review your medication list to make sure there are no contraindication. Your responses are are redundant. YOU ARE NOT BIBLICAL
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blue1 says:Posted: 15 Jun 10Hey Sean, you write a lot of noise. According to science man as he is presently known came for Africa. Now we have all of these "races" different colored men and women. How did they come to be if we all come from the same area? We are very diverse and interracial children are flat out beautiful. Hello Kissime, Your diversity with your beautiful hair shows God at work. When he made you he was showing off.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 14 Jun 10
@ BlitinaLina Depending on where you live the tension will be there along with the nasty looks but that come with the territory. You and your mate will have cultural differences and that's expected but remember you will not always agree on everything because the two of you have been shaped by your different cultural experiences and as a result the both of you can look at the same thing but end up seeing something different. You have to be able to disagree and move on. You stated: There are cultural differences that make our experiences different and this can sometimes be frustrating when you want to let your hair down and be understood in different aspects. Well you should always feel free to "let your hair down" regardless if you'll be understood on a different aspect or not! Whatever you do, don't cave in to outside pressure, if this is what you want you'd better be willing to fight for it because if not you may as well give it up but if this is what your heart desires, everything else can be worked out. Peace!
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Sean says:Posted: 13 Jun 10
To 'belsize69', Actually, everything is information articulated as energy, which in turn 'freezes' in standing waves of so-called matter. And the transcendent Personal God -- not the impersonal 'thing' of New Age nonsense -- is above all. To 'blue1' and 'kissime', 'But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.' -- 1 Corinthians 2:14 "All nations and peoples have a right to life, to develop their culture and language and to continue their history and ethnicity without globalisation. If current trends continue, the diversity of mankind will disappear within 150 years. Bio-diversity of species, whether they be flora, fauna or human, is paramount to creative expression. Those who interfere with God’s creation declare war on the Creator Himself. "How many more reports will there be of various American Indian tribes, Maoris and Aboriginals decrying the weakening of their blood-lines? What of the tribes and ethnic groups such as the Negritos of Asia (pygmies), the Estonians and some of the peoples of Africa who are on the edge of extinction? Will they disappear from view? "God Almighty created all of the tribes, nations, peoples and races and He will see to it that all survive into the Millennium. The different nations collectively magnify God’s creative capacity and bring glory to Him. Who are we to destroy mankind’s wonderful diversity? God deplores racism - especially that which leads to the destruction of ethnic diversity. "Racism begets racism. We have Whites hating Blacks; Indians fighting Pakistanis, and so on. Another trend which our media is refusing to report today is the ‘subtle’(not so subtle for those with eyes to see) anti-Caucasian racism. How many more works will I read where ‘academics’ promote the passing of the White peoples as inevitable and call for the speeding-up of this process. Unless the Messiah intervenes, the bio-diversity of mankind will disappear." Source: 'The Biblical Origin of Nations' by C.M. White MISCEGENATION IS UNNATURAL AND DESTROYS BIODIVERSITY --PLAIN AND SIMPLE. IT IS REFLECTIVE AND INDICATIVE OF A CARNAL MENTALITY THAT REFUSES TO SUBMIT TO NATURAL MORAL ORDER!
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 13 Jun 10
@ shotgun007 You should be suspicious whenever people start to give you too much of anything (including media coverage) because their is more than likely some hidden motive attached to it. This is not about BW dating / marrying WM because the numbers are too low to really raise a concern, it's bigger than that. The blow-up and the hype about it is nothing more than a scheme to cause further division of an already fragmented people. Looking back on the history of this issue will add some insight into it. History is like finger prints or DNA at a crime scene, so I got to go into the history. You may remember the non stop attack on black males in the media from the movie The Color Purple in 1985 or 86 and many others all the way into the 1990's. The documentries on tv and all of the books that were written trashing us along with the talk shows. All of this was for the purpose of SHAPING and FORMING an opinion about BM. All of a sudden once our image as BM were destroyed they started to hype up the image of the BW, now she's "The High Powered Sister", "The Highly Educated", "The Back Bone of the black community", "Business owner" and CEO!" They gave a few of them Grammy and Ocar awards, even promoted a few into high government positions, they really blew BW up! Now less than ten years later these same forces launched their attack on the same BW that they hyped up few years earlier. Now it's one low blow after another, "The angry BW", "Educated & successful but no man","The least likely to marry" and "The least desirable on the IR dating scene"! Look at the reality shows on TV, "The Wives of Atlanta" and "NBA Wives", I mean one left-hook and over-hand-right after another, "Image Slaughter" at it's finest! But why? These were the same forces that were loving BW a few days ago but now they're tearing them down? What happened? The attack shifted from the un-wed mother and the welfare queen to the PROFESSIONAL, EDUCATED and FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT woman, why?????? Think about this, there's no need to tear down those who are already torn down but it would make more sense to go after those that are climbing, getting stronger as they're climbing but most crucial, "they're lifting and inspiring others as they climb!" Think about it, one group was considered harmless while the other group was not and nobody bother's you and starts to attack your character until they begin to somehow see you as a threat to them. No Player!
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BlatinaLina says:Posted: 12 Jun 10
I haven't read through all of your posts but this is very interesting. As a black woman who is in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful white guy who loves and respects me, I must say it is still not easy. While I am in a loving relationship, I always feel the pressures of interracial dating. I prefer black men but went to a mostly white school and brought home a white guy. My friends and family like him but the white and black experience is different. There are cultural differences that make our experiences different and this can sometimes be frustrating when you want to let your hair down and be understood in different aspects. As far as the pressure goes even if people dont say any thing you can cut tension with a knife and I wonder if I should or am just supposed date within my race. Studies show that its easier. We care about each other on the most important levels but its still difficult on others... It has an can worked but what are the success and failure rates. What are the basic ingredients to a successful relationship and do specific race and gender requirement inhibit that? Should this even matter at all. I dunno...
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shotgun007 says:Posted: 12 Jun 10NoPlayer......You wrote**** ________________________ "Just be sure to answer when he comes knocking! On a more serious note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since when did everybody become so interested and concerned about BW and their personal lives??????? Sinse when did the media and the rest of these clowns start to care so much about the BW????? How much concerned have these folks expressed for you when it cames to you having access to medical care, equality in the work place, decent and affordable housing??? Since when??? Now if these same people couldn’t give a damn if you slept under a bridge or dide form some preventable disease that couldv’e been diagnosed and properly treated if only you had solid medical coverage, then what makes you think these folks care about who you choose to date or share your pillow with????? With all of your “this is 2010″ and “we got a BM as president” foolishness, explain to me what would make you think these people give a sh@t about who you date when most couldn’t care if you live or die. "************* _____________________________ Right on Target, I agree! I too have been wondering why there has been so much emphasis placed in the Media, blogs, youtube, or topix about BW and their choices.I don't get it. I really wish people would stop trying to speak for me with all of these "overly" inflated non-substantiated ideas about BW & WM dating. Shotgun
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WHURR says:Posted: 11 Jun 10@SnazzyBella YAWWWWWWWWWWWNNNN... did you say something????
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jade74 says:Posted: 10 Jun 10Welcome back Cocokisses and thanks for always being positive.
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kissime says:Posted: 10 Jun 10
blue 1, I agree with you questioning Sean's sanity...his conspiracy theories sure earns him a straitjacket. I better keep the night light on for the monsters under my bed...hey, you never know.
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Jenna says:Posted: 10 Jun 10I say a man is a man is a man,it does not matter what his race be. If their is a connection between two people nothing in this world would change that! May the blessings be!
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belsize69 says:Posted: 08 Jun 10be with who floats your boat... we are all conscious energy that vibrates..
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blue1 says:Posted: 08 Jun 10
I read Sean comments and wanted to just say have you taken your medications today? However I read all of the comments since the last time I posted. Ladies I have been dating black women since the 8th grade. Hundreds of other white men have asked me how to get to date black women. Usually I would take them with me and introduce them and dates plus marriages have occurred. My mother liked my black wife better than me and blamed me for the divorce. My first black woman and all others of all races have always controlled the situation. A woman will see me looking and let me know by a glance or other gesture if I can talk to her. If you are not getting the men to ask you are not sending the signal. You beautiful black ladies remember that all men are not real smart and you need to make us know what we want. It is really that simple. Give the look and the man will follow. Men marry women that treat them right.
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Sean says:Posted: 08 Jun 10
People who have expended the great moral and intellectual effort needed to understand the true nature of the world in which we live know that the Conspiratorial View of History is correct. That nothing on this good Earth happens by accident, especially in politics and high finance. Moreover, who understand that Hidden Hands are guiding mankind rapidly towards an apocalyptic time that is verily the Climax of the historical process as we know it. Furthermore, these Proper Students of History know that sinister hands are guiding the Ancient Evil Conspiracy for World Government, which is unfolding rapidly in the Arena of History, and which is easily observed by those with eyes to see … In this connection — and against the wishes of the vast majority of Westerners — a secret, high level policy of mass immigration of non-whites, adoption of foreign non-white children, and increased miscegenation aimed at radically transforming the West has been pursued, and whose outrages and iniquities have been vigorously defended by professional “Race Relations” experts and “Race Industry” organizations whose disproportionate “power” within contemporary Western culture is not their own. The Shadow Government allows this “power,” for these vociferous advocates and defenders of Multiculturalism (as well as its ideological bodyguard, the Thought Tyranny called Political Correctness) comprise the legion of useful fools, infesting all fields of human endeavour, who are used by the Secret Rulers of this Earth on the long-travelled road towards global tyranny. The Multicultural scam becomes clearly visible to those with eyes to see when one ponders the injustice and absurdities inherent in official policy, especially that policy hidden from the purview of the masses, which not only encourages massive illegal immigration but also lavishly rewards those who break national laws and come to the West illegally. This overrunning of the West by NON-WHITE, non-Christian peoples, is primarily designed to create massive social tensions, using the old “divide and rule” principle, which will allow the Secret Masters of the Evil Agenda to bring about the final destruction of Western Christian Civilization and the enslavement of its indigenous peoples. Also permit me to state that it is only with intuitive insight that one can penetrate beyond the external form or substance of things, to reach their internal substance or reality. It is only with the inner light of the discerning heart that one can achieve confirmation that we now live in an Age of Extreme Evil which will culminate in the end of the historical process as we know it. Empirical and discursive knowledge and thought can only suggest, but cannot directly perceive, and hence penetrate, the true nature of the Age in which we now live. And one of the telltale signs of this Age of Evil is RACIAL/GENETIC AND ETHNIC ADULTERATION ON A MASSIVE SCALE, a pernicious plot especially directed at the indigenous Caucasian — particularly “Nordid” — populations of the Western World. Why is Western Civilization the main, main target? For the reason that not only is it the cradle of the ancient Sinister Plot to Transform the World, but it is also its greatest impediment, or, more specifically, the spirituality that underpins Western Civilization, which is the Christ Impulse released from the Cross at Calvary commonly called Christianity. That is why the Secret Masters of the New Age One World Agenda – the Lords of Power – have worked tirelessly for centuries to subvert Christendom, and are now also working tirelessly to undermine the racial integrity of the Western Caucasian populations — whether the citizenry has the clarity of vision to see it, or not. Oh, by the way, as an individual of mixed Northwest European, African and Indian descent, my anti-miscegenation stance is often difficult for people to understand. However, the fact is that the concepts — nay, realities — of Race, Religion, Nation and Family are all products of NATURAL MORAL ORDER brought about entirely by the WILL of DEITY. And, it is this Natural Moral Order which is the true target of the Dark Powers acting on Earth to destroy these "collective forces" which underpin human existence and give society cohesion and individuals identity, meaning and purpose. Frankly speaking, miscegenation destroys specific genotypes and phenotypes ordained by Deity for His glory.
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Snazzybella says:Posted: 08 Jun 10@Rapid58 Although I am not a half century yet, I have an opinion on the fifty plus. OMGOSH, could they please stop emailing and flirting with me??? I bag at least 2 60+ year olds a week with a few fifties sprinkled in. I am seriously starting to have issues and complexes, and whatever other mental problems I can fathom or dream up when men OLDER than my daddy keep asking me out. For the love of Simon Baker and Jude Law STOP
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whurr says:Posted: 07 Jun 10
I don't know what to say!! If you are attracted to a white man, bring him home. I found my love, an Eskimo named Aleutia, on eskimo4whitedudes .com. We have been living in her igloo for like 4 months now. It can happen to you... you can find true love on an interracial site.. it happened to me! Care for some baby seal? Tasty! These pontificating authors bug me!
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Salsassin says:Posted: 24 May 10Just spent today speaking with the author at her book signing Had a great time. a lot of people.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 21 May 10
IMO men have an advantage over women and that advantage is, there are more women looking for GOOD MEN to settle dowm with than there are GOOD MEN looking for women to settle down with. All men knowing this will use this to their advantage, not just BM but all men. One of the biggest choices a man will ever make in his life is chosing a woman to be his wife and it can be painful and very exspensive should he make a bad choice. Naturally men are going to shop around just as women shop around for heels and just like buying a car, men will test drive more than one before they decide to buy one. It boils down to you being the one or not the one he wants to seriously date and eventually marry that makes the difference and not if he's white, black or from some other ethnic group. I wouldn't want BW to think that they'll find something so different elsewhere, just know that it's a numbers game and if WM men are the prize catch, that only means more competion for you because now your're competing against WW, and all the other women who think along the same lines. When a man trully loves and wants you, trust me, there's no river wide enough or no mountain too high for him to climb to come after the women who sets his heart on fire. Just be sure to answer when he comes knocking! On a more serious note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since when did everybody become so interested and concerned about BW and their personal lives??????? Sinse when did the media and the rest of these clowns start to care so much about the BW????? How much concerned have these folks expressed for you when it cames to you having access to medical care, equality in the work place, decent and affordable housing??? Since when??? Now if these same people couldn't give a damn if you slept under a bridge or dide form some preventable disease that couldv'e been diagnosed and properly treated if only you had solid medical coverage, then what makes you think these folks care about who you choose to date or share your pillow with????? With all of your "this is 2010" and "we got a BM as president" foolishness, explain to me what would make you think these people give a sh@t about who you date when most couldn't care if you live or die. Oh no he didn't GO THERE! Oh yes I did!
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Katania says:Posted: 21 May 10
Hi all. I completely agree with the writer. I have been dating outside of my race since I started dating at 19 and 98% of them have been outside of my race. I have nothing against BM but I'm a bit weary of dating them thanks to many bad experiences growing up. I grew up around a multitude of races and was ridiculed and judged more harshly by those of my own skin tone for "acting white" (a term that should really be banished, how can you act a color?) and not having the features expected. This continued even in college where instead it was changed from "acting white" to being called a "stuck-up b****" by most of the black guys. They liked how I look but once I rejected them politely, and the nicest way possible, I get the B word thrown at me. Plus it didn't help that they approached me like we were at a club instead of school. I'm not one of those girls who likes to be called baby, baby girl, and things of that nature, especially by someone I don't know and definitely don't want a guy invading my personal space who doesn't even have the decency to not show the world his underwear or not talk about me in front of their friends like I'm not there. I rarely have that problems with guys outside my race. Most I have met have been very nice and respectful. I've dated men from many different cultures; Armenian, French, Israeli, Irish, Italian, Greek, Indian, Scottish, German. My first boyfriend was biracial (Black and French) we were friends first, but as our relationship progressed our different backgrounds made things more difficult. I grew up in the suburbs and he grew up in the city. Our society rules differed and it tore us apart. It didn't help that his black friends and family always had something to say about me hanging with my guy friends who were strictly platonic and most were caucasian. It came down to trust to me and we split. I'm 23 now am currently in a relationship with a caucasian male from England and it's been great so far. He treats me with respect and is affectionate. We talk about everything. Despite, our difference in race, culture, and age, (he's almost 34) we understand each other and we know where we stand. Yes, we get the weird looks, especially from older couples (black & white) , I just smile and smirk.
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Rapid58 says:Posted: 20 May 10Hello again, Are there any Black Ladies 52 or older who have an opinion on this issue..If so I would truly like to hear or see your comments...Tell all of us how you feel about being a Black Lady over 50+ dating a White Man of any age, but especially older White Men over 60..
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Rapid58 says:Posted: 18 May 10
I find Black Women my choice, however I am going on 64yrs. in Nov. and it seems there is a fact that Black Women of close to that age have a different mind set about dating a White Man of that age.. I am finding that Black Women of 52 up, have been conditioned to date within there Race and not interracially. I lived with a Black Lady back when I was about 50, she was 43..For 3yrs. we had a great relationship, but she died in an accident...There are not many Black or should I say almost no Black Ladies to date in my part of the country, I really miss their Company..Black Women seem to have more to offer their man in many way, but won't get into that here...In my opinion, Older Black Women must get a Younger mind set like some of the younger Black Women have and start dating out of their race,(but only if they really want to do so), open our minds and not see color just another human being that may be able to make all of us happy..This again is only my opinion, did not mean to offend anyone, Black or White Man or Women..
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cocoaluv32 says:Posted: 15 May 10
I agree with the author that its high time for black women to consider dating interracially, which does not mean black women/white men. It means opening yourself up to all races. I've recently embraced interracial dating sheerly based on numbers. If I want to increase my chances of companionship, I must increase the playing field. I don't see color, I see a handsome man and may want to become acquaintesd. One of the posters stated "follow your heart" and I absolutely could not agree more.
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R&R says:Posted: 14 May 10
Cheeky, from your picture, I can understand why the Hispanic men hit on you. You are one gorgeous looking woman. And yes, I am a Latino.
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Member says:Posted: 25 Apr 10
As an African American male, I admit it bothers me when I read things link "dwindling" to describe the supply of black men. I get tired of the negative statements to describe us (downlow, thug, playa, etc), but at the same time, I understand the statistics. Just keep in mind there are a lot of good brothas out there. All my boys are excellent fathers, something you rarely see in media. Still, I believe people can find love in different "faces," so I agree sistas should explore their options. Just don't trash black men in the process.
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sara_ng says:Posted: 20 Apr 10
Any ethnicity of woman can have any ethnicity of man that she desires and vice versa. The world is big enough to acommodate that... people just need to free themselves from the personal prisons of their mindsets and ways of thinking... there are masses of people of all ethnicities who have already done so, and are busily interacting with each other... you might have to look beyond your current neighborhood or city, possibly even country... but, it certainly is out there to be found :)
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RJM says:Posted: 14 Apr 10Firstime wrote "I really do feel that with white men its not that they do not want to date black women I think they find approaching black women harder there are a alot of walls with interracial dating especially with white men dating black women." And she hit it right on. I live in Honolulu and many of the black women I've met seem to have a problem with dating outside of there race. Hawaii is a place that everyone celebrates there mix races and the majority are IR relationships, but black women here still seem to be concerned aboutdating outside of there race. I will continue to try to meet black women here and hope that they will give us Italian men a chance to show them just how much we cherish there beauty and treasure there ability to communicate. I for one am still searching for the AA woman that complete me and we can share our future together here in paradise.
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devnull says:Posted: 11 Apr 10
@takinitall I am not in the least bit fustrated at you or any person who want to engage in interracial dating. Afterall why am I on this site. But I date all types of women hence my profile says "All Ethnicities". As for rejecting my flirts if you look at the date I sent you a flirt it was after my first post and did not even realise until you replied my blog and seny me an email. If I had known it was you I would not have sent a flirt. I was not disrespectful to you just pointing out to you and some AA women that having a parent saying to get a "white boy" or even a white woman's mom saying go get a "black boy" is just plain stupid and one has to question the sanity of that person. We are all entitled to our opinions and like I said in your reply to your email which you showed your lack of "class" my using the F-word, you can make your point without resorting to swearing. It no wonder your divorced. Your lucky I did not report your email as abuse.
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only_otter says:Posted: 11 Apr 10
I had a conversation the other day with a man on this very subject. He seems to think it is all in the way we, as black women on a whole allow ourselves to be treated that keeps most interested white men at bay. Most, not all, allow ourselves to be called b's, and don't forget the h's and the deadly n word. Also, a lot of us run around whith the ShaNaynay attitude, gold teeth, hair done up so costumish that we have to sleep in a chair with a neckbrace,nails so long that one has to wonder how you can truly clean your butt, loud ane undereducated.I saw his point of view then put myself in his shoes..........I sat back and thought to myself, If I were a white man, why wouldn't I date out of my race...... and on the most part for myself, was the fact that I thought if I brought someone home like that, all hell would not only break out in my family, but in the family I never came in contact with....and who wants to go through that crap? So, you stay with what you know is safe. Now usually females don't care because in therms dealing with the heart, we mostly think with the heart, but because the mail logic is different than ours, they think in terms of comfort. So, if we want the interracial thing, we need to not "change" our behaviors, but fine tune them, and start behaving like the women we think that we are. For example: In my twenties, I decided to not open the door in public for myself if there was a man around to open it for me. Guess what! I am now 47 and to this day, men break their necks to open a door for me if there is one around, attitude! Now I've been dating interracially since i was 12 and been loving it ever since....... problem? I have no problem, never did, never will! I just knew what I wanted, didn't listen to no and jumped right in.( I also thought I was going to marry Rock Hudson as a child and my hair would turn blonde and my eyes green) Figure out what you really want and act accordingly.
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sean01 says:Posted: 11 Apr 10
Comment by Abraxas247 on 23 March 2010: I totally agree and I empathize with you, rtay. Same occurrence all though my childhood. Being an slim black female I prefer white men You can come to poppa too : P
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sean01 says:Posted: 11 Apr 10
Comment by rtay on 16 March 2010: I have a more athletic, slimmer body woohoo, come to poppa, sweetie...
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Leftydon69 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10
Everything ngbabe says is personally true to me! I am a little bigger than average however I am a whole lot bigger than the stereotype! My last girlfriend was amazed that I did not have a little white one. Oh well I have had worse thrown at me than that so live and learn. Statistics can be used for many things. And of course statistics can prove that a meteorite will not land on my head and kill me. If in fact a meteor does then kill me who do I complain to lol. We are here to date and discuss dating outside of race. We should let others argue as I surely did not join this site to do so. Don
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Layla32 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10How about a time when we as human beings will stop emphasizing race at all. Why can't you date a good man or woman regardless of their color of skin? I believe that when race become too heavy of a topic or a huge decision in dating, it is counterproductive and I have never been proven wrong yet. I have studied this topic extensively and interviewed many couples. The most sucessful couples regardless of the mixture are the ones who met the person and not because they represented "a race". I feel that those that practice dating and marriage based on hating or degrading others like "I now date white men because black men are scum" or "I date black women because they are scum" or "I'm white and white women are dogs" are racists and relationships built on that rarely work out in the long run. My parents raised me to treat all people with love and respect. And that love began at home. My parents told me that they don't care who I marry as long as I am happy. I will raise my children the same way. Regardless if they are white, black, asian, hispanic or anything in between.
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rae56 says:Posted: 10 Apr 10Cocokisses, you and your ex not only share a mutual respect for one anothers parenting, but you share a wisdom and maturity that so many lack when it comes to child rearing and relationships.
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takinitall says:Posted: 10 Apr 10@ devnull This will be my last correspondence to you. I understand your frustration, may be because I rejected your flirt and private message, that's ok. However, just beacuse I am blessed with a open minded family who encourages me to go outside the box, doesn't mean I can't date my own and be equally as supported (did you even read the blog passage?). I have no idea why I am explaining this to you on a blog, but hey the male ego is very special. God Bless you and good luck in your search for compatibility. Your behavior towards me is very disrespecful and rediculous. Every member on this site must have some desire to date interracially including yourself. Bottom line, get over it and move on.
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COCOKISSES says:Posted: 09 Apr 10oh yeah...he is white and I am black. We still don't limit love to a specific race!
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COCOKISSES says:Posted: 09 Apr 10
I refuse to limit my love to a specific race! The man I shared 15 years with to this day was the love of my life. We had a beautiful daughter (inside and out)and a wonderful life. Even though we are divorced, we still co-parent our 16 yr old daughter, and are the envy of our friends. We still want the best for each other, and who knows? When our kid is off to an Ivy League college in 1 1/2 years, we may cross paths again, not as parents, but as two people who never stopped loving each other. That's right...IT COULD HAPPEN!
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devnull says:Posted: 08 Apr 10
@takinitall Well you should have been smart enough to write your family meant get whoever so long as they treat you well. Please leave God out of this, as I am sure he is laughing thinking we all cannot have the same view that is why he created us with our own minds. You also understood my point but misunderstood it. Every couple from Adam and Eve to Scott and Jill in downtrodden Alabama have issues. But identity theft/Citizenship is totally different to issues regarding African-American men and women's constant bickering and I am struggling to see the connection.... I will not rethink my comment about this pitiful plight African-American men and women find themselves in relationship-wise. @All This blogs make me think they should be yet another remake of "Guess who's Coming to Dinner". This time the white man bringing his black fiance home. Wish you all goodluck in your search, go with your heart and don't let bitterness guide you.
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takinitall says:Posted: 08 Apr 10
@ No Player Thanks for sharing your opinion. As usual it is allways welcomed and appreciated. I'm not saying all BM are going to do me wrong or all white men are going to treat me right. I simply said that based on MY experiences dating, I have been treated better by non blacks. I know there are good and bad in every race. Who knows the man for me, may be a lighter shade of purple, but he will reveal himself when God sees fit. Oh and I miss you man! @ devnull My purpose for sharing my mothers support and encouragement of interracial dating was not to insult or ethnocentricize one race over the other. The blogs topic is Black women urged to date interracially. My point is simply that my family has no quarrels with me dating outside my race as long as I am happy and he is good. I don't know why your post seems so rediculous to me, but it does. Rather than get into a blog match, I would encourage you to rethink your comment that the smart slaves drowned and our plight is pitiful. Also as a mother to a Nigerian son, I have to say African women and men issues are slightly different from African Americans, but they do have issues (i.e. identity theft, citizenship, etc). God bless you and may you find some happiness in this life!
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rae56 says:Posted: 08 Apr 10
You know, dee, you seem to have a problem with ANYONE who doesn't agree with you, leading me to believe that you just have issues ... PERIOD! Nuff said by me, you aren't worth getting into a pissing contest with.
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purduegrad says:Posted: 07 Apr 10I love black women. That is all I have to say on this issue.
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Serbbral says:Posted: 07 Apr 10
@Talnwhite, I know I'm late,but I had to respond. The black man kissing a white woman HAS been done. There was a thread floating around here for about 3 months or more, I don't know, but unlike the cover shown here, there was a real interracial couple on the FRONT COVER of a magazine with a blackman kissing a white woman. Yes, readers of this magazine got their panties all up their you know what about it and you can guess what they wrote in their comments. Not to sound condescending or to sound like I'm putting down bm/ww relationships down or anything, but we hear about that pairing all the time. If you don't believe me, try doing a search on black & white interracial dating, and that's practically most of what will come up. It's only recently or the last ten years have people started to talk about bw/wm couplings. Why is the point moot to talk about bw/wm pairings and not mute to talk about bm/ww? A white man was killed not too long ago for walking down the street with his blackwoman companion, the 21st century has not cured racism in ANY path.
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chris_schad says:Posted: 05 Apr 10I have dated inter-racially for nearly 30 years and have dated black women exclusively since the early '80's. I think there are many things (personal qualities) that allow people to date inter-racially (successfully); and the lack of these qualities may make it (inter-racial dating) less palatable (to individuals who lack these qualities) and moreover, make it less likely that their experience will be a successful/rewarding experience. While i think racial identity is easy to latch on to as a discernible marker, it may be somewhat misleading. Let me explain with something more concrete. While i am able to share a great deal with (some) african american women, i have found that it is relatively (more) difficult (unrewarding due to lack of shared cultural experiences) to date African women, French women of african descent, women living in the caribbean countries of african descent etc. And while i think it would be almost unthinkable for anyone who knows me to ascribe my reticence to date women in those groups to racism, i think most would agree that it has to do with the lack of cultural resonance (shared experiences, tastes, aesthetics etc) (this also makes it difficult for me to date women who are not in my age/cohort.) The woman who wrote the book which was cited in this blurb, Karyn Langhorne Folan, is a relatively unusual individual who has had many experiences which have fostered a receptivity for transcultural (inter-racial exchanges) eg. she graduated from Harvard Law School; she grew up as an "army brat"- (i hate that term but it is in the vernacular so what the hell) ie traveling frequently from one environment to another frequently etc. However, many people live very parochial lives, and for them, inter-racial dating may be difficult (unrewarding) or scary (there is nothing quite as scary as going out on a date and finding out you have nothing 2 talk about- you may just have to drink a great deal, get hammered and … (lol)). I think if people find other people with whom they can share things easily and enjoy each other's company, they should engage them. If more african american women start to feel comfortable "dating out", more power to 'em- feel free to contact me (lol)
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outpass35 says:Posted: 04 Apr 10I think that is the problem living to impress other I have dated outside my race since I was in middle school and got married to him it should not be about who think it is okay as long as you are happy it should not be about what you look like either,But it mostly is most white I feel are afraid to approach women of color. I don't know what it is, I had a Grand Aunt said a white person could not sit at her dinner table believe me I took him there for dinner, I was not dating her I was dating him and he was not dating my family and when we divorce years later they were best of friend, Living for other people is a receipe for hurt.I feel you should do what makes you happy.
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rae56 says:Posted: 02 Apr 10
You are so right, Dee. I, like you, can only speak from my own experiences. And because they are MY experiences, they are valid, as are yours.
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green_jewel says:Posted: 02 Apr 10
Hi, everyone, I enjoyed this discussion very much. It is very interesting to me, because I experienced the opposite problem here in Germany. Growing up I was teased because of my body. My friends say I have a voluptuous body: the coka cola bottle type, lol. I am half Spanish, what can I say, so yes, I do have a booty and now I am happy with it, J-Lo, who? Lol. But I uses not to feel that way when I was younger1 Well, growing up in a ratheer white society I was teased a lot in a negative way and I thought I was ugly. Later on it was Black American and Latino men who gave me a chance. White men would not give me a chance but say negative words about my curves. So I said the hell with u and hello to those who appreciate a woman who is not a walking stick, lol. I too had problems at first with my parents because they said oh, what are ppl gonna say, uh, ur kids would have problems because ppl will not accept. But then later on they welcome my ex-husband who was black. My friends are from all over the world anyway so they love variety, lol. The bottom line is, love who you are and let yourself love the other regardless if he/she is from outside your race. If he/she is who makes u happy, who else is important? Love no matter if it is heterosexual or homosexual, within ur race or outside, simply beautiful, as long as u both are adults and do not hurt the other emotionally nor physically but respect and honor the other, that is what counts. Carmen
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ngbabe says:Posted: 01 Apr 10On the topic of black women expanding their dating options to include white men; I am in total support of that and have been a strong advocate for that sentiments among my female black friends. My personal experience lead me to believe that it's not so much that there are not enough white men out there who prefer or would date black women---the opposite is the case among my female black friends who often brush off the idea of dating white men. The whole stereotypical notion about the size of the white man's genital size and his performance in the bedroom seems to be the core issue for most the black females that I know---While many would flatly deny this in public, the truth is that no matter how it's disguised, in private and intimate conversations, many black women I know voice this as their primary concern for not dating outside their race. On a personal level, I live by the law of attraction: you can only attract what you thing about and believe in---some call it the self-fulfilling prophesy. If so many black females feel the white men are not for them, then they are less likely to attract white men. I for one, used to date both black and white men but for the last five year, I have come to accept that I am attracted exclusively to white men and have no guilt or concerns about how others might interpret that preference. Getting back to the power of the mind or law of attraction, I discover that 9 out of every guy that approach me these day for dating are white because on either on a conscious or subconscious levels, that is what I am inviting into my life @ this phase of my life
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Skin cancer is a real problem with Europeans in Australia due to light skin, so any and all the black girls are very welcome to come over here and live with me and try to redress the problem for any future generations we might have together. And I would certainly like to practice having children a lot in trying to solve this problem. : P