Believe in love and love will come
In her new book 'The Soumate Secret', author Arielle Ford says the first step to finding true love is to believe it’s out there.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi
The first task is belief. Most of us have been heartbroken before. And heart break leads to disbelieving in love. You end up feeling like all the good men or good women are either taken or at least not living in your city. After someone screws up with your feelings, believing you will ever find someone who could really see and love you for you becomes hard.
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After a couple of bad relationships, it’s so easy to shut down and give up. Although we stop believing that the right person is out there for us, our hearts still long to fall in love but the mind keeps insisting love is impossible to find. It becomes some kind of tug-of-war. When beliefs contradict desires, the body enters a state of inner conflict that not only paralyzes a person but also stops one from recognizing the possibilities of love that exist all around us.
I am sure we have heard of 'The Secret' and its concept of the Law of Attraction which states that we draw to us those people, events and circumstances that match our inner state of being. So you will always attract things and experiences that are consistent with your beliefs. When you believe there is love all around you, and you are worthy of giving and receiving it, that is exactly what you will attract. Disbelief blinds one from recognizing and seizing the love that your heart is yearning for.
For you to be able to manifest your soulmate into your life, the most crucial step in the formula is believing and knowing he or she is out there. If you don’t believe, start by looking at the evidence in front of you. While minding her own business making friends in an online dating website, my friend met her husband. Think of all your happily married friends and how they met their soulmates … the market, at a party they never wanted to go in the first place … or do you think Englishman David Brown knew he would one day wake up with a cell phone number ringing through his head, send a text message to it, and end up building friendship with the owner of the phone that would eventually blossom into love? Love is all around you!
One other thing you need to do for yourself is to shun those negative beliefs about yourself. Do you believe you are lovable? Just reading this article proves you are. Lovable people always look for ways to bring more love in their lives. Thoughts like I am too old, or too fat, or damaged goods or too successful always make beautiful people not find love because they believe they don’t deserve it. These are just excuses that keep one stuck!
The book also has a chapter dubbed ‘Feelingization’. Here you are urged to take a moment to remember your worst romantic encounters … those you love to forget, those that hurt, those that betrayed you, those that caused you to shut down in the first place. Let yourself feel that pain they caused you. So, what made you stand such behavior? Is it coz you thought you didn’t deserve better? No one deserves to be in a hurtful relationship.
What would you have to believe about yourself in order to attract your soulmate into your life? If you believe that you are a fabulous catch and that you don’t deserve less, then you will NEVER settle for less because ‘less’ wont have space in your heart. Think of all you have to offer … a lot of love and kindness and all you are. And all you deserve is having your heart’s desires fulfilled too.
It aint your job to know HOW you will bump into your soulmate. Your job is to believe that he or she exists and the willingness to open and receive that love when it presents itself. Do you know where air comes from? But you do believe its part of your divine inheritance. No matter what mistakes you have made in the past, air will always be there for you. And so will love. It has always been there for you … it will always be there for you. Regardless of your past relationships, you can choose to believe in love and look at those bad relationships as a preparation for finding true love. All you have to do is just BE. Be the loving person that you are; know that you deserve to have a loving, committed relationship; and relish the waiting for your love to arrive.
So quit gagging at the idea that everyone has a soulmate. JUST BELIEVE … ;-)
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41 responses to "Believe in love and love will come"
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fkoi says:Posted: 27 Jun 09Imagine if the first time we tried to walk and fell, we had decided that walking was too much for us. The human race would never have learned to walk upright. I keep trying. Keep a positive attitude. Keep hope alive. I have loved and lost, loved and won. I'll just keep lovin' if it's all the same to you
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BrownB09 says:Posted: 08 Apr 09Love consists of so many things, it's derivative of the nurturing spirit that is inside all of us. But by any means, can be most turbulent. I thought I found love, I was hurt, things don't go right.... we're not togehter I got over it... Well at least I thought I did! We're togehter again same ol cycle, Can my broken heart ever mend We love We lie, We pretend, same ol cycle, another dead end. This is just a fraction of a poem I wrote to express how complicated love is. Everybody deserves love, and the first thing we should never forget is to love ourselves.
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PiterKokoniz says:Posted: 07 Apr 09
Hi !!! :) I am Piter Kokoniz. Just want to tell, that I'v found your blog very interesting And want to ask you: what was the reasson for you to start this blog? Sorry for my bad english:) Tnx! Piter Kokoniz, from Latvia
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muluungi says:Posted: 10 Mar 09well, what else can i add to this??? i will just answer myself by saying, i will not look for love but i will let love look for me. when it finds me i will embrace it and if it doesnt then it wasnt meant to find me. hopefully you understand this.
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lola73 says:Posted: 26 Feb 09
I do want to find love and a great friendship with someone, and I try to remain to true to the idea of love. But I just keep getting knocked down, yes, I keep getting back up but how many times is a person supposed to keep trying before quitting??? I'm just to keep my faith. Good luck to everyone!
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Member says:Posted: 07 Feb 09
What a load of bullshit. Because when you believe in love and give your whole heart and then it is all taken away from you for nothing, then i guess believing in love will attract love is bullshit. I am sick of this attraction crap when it is not true, not now, not after believing for so many years and then having nothing except a mutilated heart for it. The whole lot is crap to make someone rich. Oh year the secret says so. But you did something wrong you asked for it. What bullshit. Being positive and so in love made me so happy. Have it taken away for being so sure and then you will believe that all this attraction bullshit is rubbish.
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swtsxyjp says:Posted: 05 Feb 09NOPLAYER-- You are totally on point! Very good!
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homesteader says:Posted: 29 Jan 09
The statement of the day in my eyes : Believe because in Reality . Half the people in this world are still below adverage .
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homesteader says:Posted: 27 Jan 09
I found that by getting married everything seems to disappear , all of a sudden you can see the walls again . Years of dust on old clothes , bought hundreds of shirts at garage sales over the years . Everything looking Clean and fresh . We Believe that all things are very Real in a Love ing relation ship of Marriage . Enjoy the moments together as some are too few and some will be forever , Amen .
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Beauty1027 says:Posted: 26 Jan 09
I believe in love, although I have had my share of broken hearts, I will not let that detour me in thinking that LOVE is not out there for me!!!! I constantly tell myself, I can have the Romance novel love or Movie Romance love, it's out there. I know everything comes with a price, and pro and cons. But at the point in life I have nothing to loose and everything to gain. You must first love God and yourself in order to be loved. Some think oh I can love someone and show them how to love, when deep down inside you don't love yourself! You have to show love to yourself, like you're another person, showing love to someone else. All the things you want someone to do to you, do it to yourself first, take yourself out to dinner, movie, have a nice hot bath with candlelight, take a nice long walk on the beach etc. Show yourself LOVE! Woman so once that man have found you, you can know how to love him, and man if you love God (he will also teach the females) then he will teach you how to love that woman. If you seek God in everything you do, then he will help you thread the bad ones out, but you can't be so desperate for a man/woman to ignore the signs. Stop being so easily to fall in love and mistaken it with lust, the feelings make seem the same.. but you can't love someone you don't know his or her last name....hmm. It's ok to seek for love, but have yourself together before you try to seek to be in someone else life. Believe/ and love yourself and soon or later love will come, and as everyone know you will know it when it come. But guard your heart, so when the right once come along you won't turn him/her away. That's one thing that my Mom has always told me to be careful on who I give my heart to, and don't be so easily to fall in love with every man that I see, due to when they have done me wrong, then I won't turn away the right person. I must admit that I didn't always do that, myself, but at the same time, I still guarded my heart so that I wouldn't fall in the case of not believing in love and thinking that I wouldn't find love. Just wait and Love will find you! Be Blessed :)
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VA_SongBird says:Posted: 26 Jan 09
Anacandela... you are "wise" beyond your years.... everything you said is Soooooo true. I'm new at the internet dating game, but i'm sharpening my skills daily.
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Anacandela says:Posted: 26 Jan 09
Thank you guys for your comments ! No player you are right about my pit. Only problem is that they run when they see him up close. lol SongBird, In time you are going to notice that many of the men on dating sites just really want sex. Very few are really looking for a relationship! From now on if my 100 lbs puppy does not like him, the relationship is over. lol
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VA_SongBird says:Posted: 24 Jan 09
Grhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... I got you NO PLAYER.... I definitely need a dog to sniff some of these players when my senses are off. LOL.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 24 Jan 09VA_SongBird if I may offer my advice, get you a pitbull. Trust me, they are good at judging character. If my children or my dog wont give you the time of day, niether will I. ( LOL ) Dogs know their own!!!
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 24 Jan 09
VA_SongBird if I may offer my advice, get you a pitbull. Trust me, they are good at judging character. If my children are my dog wont give you the time of day, niether will I. ( LOL ) Dogs know their own!!!
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VA_SongBird says:Posted: 23 Jan 09
Anacandela all of your points are well taken. I just broke off a short term relationship several months ago. The gold was glittery for a few weeks before the real beast came out. To be honest, after a few conversatons, I had a clear picture of whom this individual was. I ignore the signs and was burnt. I heard someone quote Maya Angelou as saying, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. In other words, don't try to fix anyone. Either they are what you want or they are not. There's no room for negotiation. I think as women, we have a natural instinct to want to be healers and fixers. But there's come a point in life one comes to realize, at a certain age and stage, if you are not healed by now you will never will be unless you take the lead.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 23 Jan 09
Great post Anacandela, I often wonder myself, do we miss the forrest for looking at the trees ? When I talk to older couples ( married 40+years )I always hear the term courting. When you really think about it courting is different than dating. I thought you start out datind someone and if you really like them you got engaged and then you got married. Courting is quit different. Look at the word court, in court facts are presented, testimony is given, cross examination takes place, there's a summation and then a verdict or judgement takes place. When people are trully courting they're doing all the above things I've mentioned in hopes of reaching a decision to get engaged and marry. Anacandela you are so right, people are too busy dating and having fun that they're over looking the main things that they should focus on. When you throw sex into the picture it really distracts from attention to detail. I understand the common sense logic behind not having sex before getting married, not that I've always used it! LOL On alcohol drinks and certain medications there's a warning telling you not to operate an automobile or machinery while under the influence. Good sex, I mean real real real good sex is intoxicating. It can cloud judgement, impair reasoning and prevent you from seeing certain red flags. I recall these old men telling me about being drilled by the father, older brother or uncle of the young lady the were courting and how nervous they here. I think it's good for a man to have some serious questions to anwser from male members of her family with her present, so she can see for her self and judge if this man is serious or not. People need to be more observant, so that they can make wise decisions before starting a relationship and giving their hearts to someone, only to end up disappointed. You can,t place too much blame on the other person because people come as they are. You have plenty of "used car sales people" ( fast & slick talkers ) on th dating scenes,so you have to use your instincs and rely on your gut feelings. Mama once told me, "baby if it don't feel right, it aint aint right" We could save alot of time and drama if we would only slow down and pay attention.
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Anacandela says:Posted: 22 Jan 09
I think that sometimes we want something so much, that we over look many things about it. We are blinded by it. By the time we realize that something is wrong, we waste valuable time trying to fix it or loose hope, because we feel that we have once more failed at our relationship. When you meet someone that you are attracted to and spend valuable time trying to know that person better and you think that you found someone special and for that moment in time you are very happy. Everything seems to be going right for you. However, later you find that this wonderful person never existed and it was all part of your imagination. It becomes hard to go on....then what do you do? I understand the many men and women that are afraid to fall in-love. My girl friend often ask me "how many frogs" before she finally kisses the prince.
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VA_SongBird says:Posted: 19 Jan 09
Thanks for recommending this book. I purchased it on Audible and have listend to the half of it. It is very inspiring. Let's see if I can put some of this to practical use here on this site. Thanks and Happy New Year!
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rebita says:Posted: 19 Jan 09That is exactly my view of love. I have been reading a book Calling in the One based on these same principles with daily practices around these ideas. Its been amazing. I already see more love in my life and feel truly blessed. If you want good, be the good you want and allow it to reveal itself to you. Recieve it when it comes with love. Thanks for posting.
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homesteader says:Posted: 18 Jan 09
Have to say , is is not what you have or do not have together . Or how long you do search or do not search , time and only time will present opportunity . If you Believe in Love , do not run as walking will get the same results . My wife just got home the day before the Hurricane , so we were able to weather the storm together . Believe .
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 17 Jan 09
" Women who have their act together don't have the patience " I hear alot of women say that but you can't "have your shit together" and NOT HAVE PATIENCE. Perserverance, forebearance and the ability to endure are personality traits of people who Really have it together. People may think having things together offers more options, so why wait for someone to get it together? If that's the case, you will be chasing options for a long time because as people we are all incomplete in one way are another. I can't speak for others but I don't want a sunshine / fair weather friend. I'd want the kind of love that has come as a result of our willingness to love stronger should times get harder. I'd want a trust and respect to develope out of our ability to look past eachother's faults and concentrate on eachother's needs. In this day and age it's easy to stay together as long as it doesn't require much, but if it becomes an inconvenience, requires sacrifice or takes from our " ME TIME " we break up. You will never know what your mate is made of if you don't have the patience to wait out bad weather because there are some things you can only learn about eachother by going through the storms of life together. I don't need you at my victory celebration, I needed you on the side lines cheering me on and supporting me on my race towards the finish line. As men and women we tend to respect those that stand by us and we learn to appreciate the fortitude of those that walk with us and if you don't have the patience to grow and nurture the love you say you want, then what makes you think that you deserve to find love. So if you find yourself spending alot of time by yourself, maybe your lack of patience could have something to do that.
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starthai says:Posted: 17 Jan 09"Women who have their act together simply don’t have the patience." You got that right.
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goddess47 says:Posted: 16 Jan 09This is so true. I believed for a while that true love was just in those Romance books I used to read. Well I no longer let bad relationships define my worth or life and am no longer as jaded as I was..say a year ago! I still read romance books(but not as much)...I'm on the move actively leaving bread crumbs for my soulmate to find. Thanks Riva
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Swann says:Posted: 16 Jan 09Do you keep falling for jerks? Repeat this to yourself one thousand times: Screwed-up people are not more interesting than people with their heads together. Baggage is not fascinating, romantic, or exciting. It is very, very tiring. Men who are polite and emotionally mature are hot. Learn it; love it, live by it. I have no idea whom to blame for the romantic mythology surrounding brooding, emotionally limited, narcissistic yahoos. I’m tempted to chalk it up to movies, where most men who start out as selfish jerks are eventually revealed to be wounded birds of some sort. Or it might be the uglier side of the therapy culture, which tempts you with the idea that these jerks might be amenable to solution, like crossword puzzles. For whatever reason, there are a surprising number of women who are attracted to guys who can’t commit, who can’t relate, who can’t get along with anyone, who can’t tell the truth… these guys get a lot of action. It’s not that women really want jerks, exactly. I think it’s a matter of mistaking emotional clutter for emotional complexity. Here’s an analogy: Imagine a messy apartment. You walk in, you survey your surroundings, and there’s an incredible quantity of stuff lying around. Books in tall stacks, Chinese food containers in the corners, DVDs in and out of boxes scattered around the TV… the place is in chaos. And while you wouldn’t really want to live there, there might be some part of you that would look around and grudgingly admit, “There’s a lot going on here.” Now, imagine the same apartment, once somebody has managed to get it cleaned up. The books are on the shelves, the trash is thrown away, and the DVDs are alphabetized. This is a much nicer place to live. But it’s a little… you know, boring. And that’s in spite of the fact that the same books are being read, the same food is being eaten, and the same DVDs are being watched. You’re just in the presence of a person who knows how to clean up after himself. I think that for a lot of women, want guys in turmoil thy seem strangely fascinating, as if they are, by definition, more interesting than everyone else. There’s more of that clutter, so there’s more going on, and there’s more to sink your teeth into, and there’s maybe even more emotional depth to such a person. Let me tell you something about the guys I know who are emotionally mature. The ranks of the healthy and rational include plenty of guys who have been in rehab, or been divorced, or seen their parents’ marriages end horribly, or had their own dreams thwarted in some ugly way—all the things that creeps are fond of waving around as explanations for why they lie or cheat on you or generally continue to be creeps. The difference is that the healthy and rational people have at least undertaken the process of digesting all of that stuff and placing it in some sort of perspective so that it doesn’t have to become your problem. They know from suffering, just as much as the ones who sit around brooding into their beers and writing free verse and dragging everyone else into their little theater of agony. The sane ones are still working on their crap, too—who isn’t? The difference is that they’re not fetishizing their own misery or asking you to embrace it. And that’s a benefit to you, because the only thing you can guarantee yourself about that kind of hair-pulling drama is that if you cuddle up next to it, it’ll get on you. You’re going to get plenty of emotional complications from anyone. Even people who have their lives very well pulled together are going to give you lots of opportunities to practice patience and understanding. There’s no point in starting out with someone who isn’t even trying. Many intelligent women prefer men with emotional complexities, even if it means that he can be verbally abusive, inaccessible, and generally loonier than Courtney Love on a bender. Now, I can’t speak for all men, but while I may have tolerated similar behavior, I can’t say I’ve ever preferred it. Any time I found myself dating a woman who was an emotional roller-coaster, the only reasons I stuck with her were because a) I was lonely and her presence in my life helped to fill a void or b) I was getting the best sex of my life. Lame, but true. Put another way: Could you ever picture a man saying out loud, “There’s something that’s just so mysterious about her. Sometimes I look in her eyes and I feel like she totally understands me, and other times, I have no idea what she’s thinking. She runs really hot and cold but I can’t get enough of her. I think I’m going to stick around until I can crack her shell. One day she’ll learn to be more emotionally available and loving.” Tolerance for female ambivalence is not a stereotypically male attribute. This isn’t at all to castigate women, as much as it is to acknowledge that women see more nuances in every scenario, so it’s no surprise that they give undeserving men the benefit of the doubt. But what for? Hasn’t every woman since the beginning of time had a thing for jerks and realized at some point that jerks were always going to be jerks? I was the nice guy in high school who enjoyed being friends with cute girls who wouldn’t go out with me in a million years. I figured, “If that’s as close as I can get, I’ll take it. Maybe one day they’ll realize what I’m worth.” I would listen to boy problems galore — essentially, nice girls being treated badly by jerks — and not once did any of these girls ever say: “Hmm, he’s a great guy with a really kick-ass mullet. I’ll bet he’d be a wonderful boyfriend.” But it’s not simply the rejection of the nice guy that’s keeping so many women single. It’s the acceptance of the screwed-up guy. Because screwed-up guys draw screwed-up women into a whole Misery Loves Company episode of Love Connection—where both parties are brought together not by the audience but by their insecurities and inadequacies. All that “You can’t love anyone until you love yourself” stuff? So true. And if you’re choosing to date guys with major issues, you’re just as guilty as he is. Yes, everybody’s got issues, but not necessarily deal-breaker-type issues. Which is why women often say they’re seeking men who can fit their baggage in a carry-on. Unfortunately, there are lot of men who try to sneak a 75-pound trunk onto the plane and protest that it has wheels so it’s technically a carry-on. Women with issues are the ones who choose these guys. Women who have their act together simply don’t have the patience. Admittedly, there are a few people who probably enjoy the histrionics and the moods and the make-up sex that come with dating drama kings and queens. But I’d bet that most are just willing to tolerate the drama, because, thus far, that drama comes attached to the “best” person they could find. Essentially, they’re saying, “Yeah, he’s inconsistent, selfish, and distant, but he’s all mine.” Just realize that every second you’re spending with the wrong guy is a second that you’re not out looking for the right one — the guy who gives, the guy who listens, the guy who learns.
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starthai says:Posted: 16 Jan 09
Congratulations to you sweetbe43! You deserve it. :)
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 16 Jan 09
I believe a relationship is like anything else in life, if it's worth having, it's worth working for. It will take time and after the relationship is built it must be maintained. We've become so spoiled in this day and age of rapid refund, instant oatmeal and over night delivery madness that some of us think that love should operated the same way. What has become of us that we do'nt have patience, we do'nt want to work our way through problems, and if we see a drop of water on the deck we're ready to abandon ship out of fear that it's sinking. People cant expect to find love as long as they hold on to this way of thinking.
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sweetbe43 says:Posted: 16 Jan 09
Here i'm .yes there is love. out there once we belive it feels it you will know when the time is right I had my share of heart break stay single for 10 years i use that 10 years to finish raise my daughter and avaiable for the right man . A very dear friend said to me. stop belive that there is no love out there.because there is love out there and a good man is looking for you . just open your heart. once i did i met the most wonderfull lovely man on this site, i'm happy now its just a matter of time we be togetder. moving from Florida to be with him in indiana today January 15 2009 i met that same friend of mine I wisper in her i met someone she is so happy for me because i took that time out to start beliving.
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homesteader says:Posted: 15 Jan 09
The first step in Love only starts the journey through Life together . The main word in Love is " We "
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meluran says:Posted: 15 Jan 09I believe in love , the problem is that its comes when you dont expect. What i'm scared is when you give up and the Love you wanted just appears;
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homesteader says:Posted: 15 Jan 09
Believe it took us 5 years to find each other here
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Vivacious1 says:Posted: 15 Jan 09
Wow. I really, really appreciate this blog. I've been reading Jack Canfield's book, in fact, it's rite next to me know. This is amazing. And so true. Thanks Ria! Viv
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Meron says:Posted: 14 Jan 09I love this article! It came at a great time when I chose to update my profile this year. At Christmas, I made a concious decision to look at where I am and want to be in dating, life, love and MORE Happiness. I do believe my time away, through relection, has helped me to see areas I need to concentrate more on and it will also help others to see the reveal in me. I still believe that the Almighty sends us signs and hints. We have to be very intense on deciphering them. I still believe I have met at least three people over the past 22 years that were meant to be in my life. Three who are romanticly linked. All when I was not looking but, feeling I was worth a great love. Only one had been bad and I am so far past what that person brought to me. Future love for me, far outweighs the situation we had. It did help me, years later, to know what to look for and accept. It almost blocked my perception though of how much to allow others to have privilege to. In doing so, any of us could miss out on that soulmate. We just can't allow those perceptions and experiences to keep us from being Available! And Waiting of course..., I'm waiting.
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laugh_sailor says:Posted: 14 Jan 09Thanks, Ria for another great blog. I heartily agree with your sentiments.
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martha54 says:Posted: 14 Jan 09I beleive in love.I didn't for a long time after been left by my spouse for another women.I met the most woderful man and spent the next five years in sheer happeniess with him until his death in 1995. I've been along since.I never saw myself as pretty I'm to dark to fat not enough education.Always wanting to lose weight.It ocuured to me one day that God made me in his image.Therefore I am beautiful.What you see is what you get.I'm a beautiful black women with alot to offer someone,if he looks past my pitcure and really see me then he's the lucky one.Yes I beleive in love and me.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 14 Jan 09
If you believe you will or you wont, it does'nt matter, because either way you're right! As a man thinks, so is he!!!!
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Greyeyes121 says:Posted: 14 Jan 09
well I believe in love.and everyone must keep faith.and ask god for that person and he will send that person to you. but after getting ur heart broken so many times. its kills ur sprirt! its also make you believe that maybe im just gonna be old and alone:( and who wants that's. the time has to be rite you will know when is rise.and take it be the horns. it will come true:) you must believe. but sometimes its get very lonely:( the path of true love. some people take it so lightly. and will use that against you. be strong keep the faith and just believe.I give great advice but I still have not found love:(
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mlt35 says:Posted: 14 Jan 09I live by ....belief determines reality .....which is why contrary to others that basically saying to settle for xyz, I know what I believe which is a self fulfilling prophesy and thus my cup runneth over.....good to have options in order to see just which man is really made for each of us and sent from God and date according to His Word for our lives. Remember....belief determines reality.
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hi says:Posted: 14 Jan 09hi at all girls i need to be the part of love please i wish you to comtact me.
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The 3 Key Ingredients for Memorable Holidays for Couples
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Coaching Testimonial
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Wow!!! I am new to this chat area of great comments. Everyone's comment has something that will honestly help me in future decisions and thoughts about dating. Thank you Ladies and Men!! Keep writing such wonderful info!! God Bless!!