Is the White man the Black woman’s ideal man?

Posted by James, 09 Sep 10

“Black women will never be happy with Black men. Black women would find fault or a reason to complain and whine because she has been convinced that no matter what the Black man does, good or bad, he will never measure up to her real idol, the White man. The White man did a wonderful job confusing black women about what ‘a man’ is.” – Lifted from some forum

This is what some Black man thinks of Black women. The war of words never seems to end…

Every woman deserves happiness … every woman deserves to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship. I do not agree with the above generalization that “Black women will never be happy with Black men” because I know quite a number of people who have made their marriages work.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Anyhow, the thing is, any woman in a relationship with a man who doesn’t treat her way she deserves to, is well within her rights to complain. So, when a Black woman does it, she is automatically branded bitter? When a Black woman is single, she’s brought it on herself because she whines and complains too much? I mean, how do you give a woman sh**, then fault her for talking sh**?

This dude above says that Black women are convinced that Black men will never measure up to White men? I do not believe for one second that Black women actually go out of their way to find fault in Black men. In fact, most of them go out of their way in search of a Black man who is committed, loving, responsible, a man who respects her and has his sh** together. And if a successful, caring and loving Black man was pitted against an equally successful, caring and loving White man, quite a number of them would pick the Black man. So this thing about the White man being the Black woman’s real idol, I am having trouble believing…

There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a decent and honorable man in her arms. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a man that makes her proud to be his woman. All the Black woman (and any woman for that matter) wants is a man she can totally rely on - emotionally, physically, financially...

No one has confused the Black woman about what a man should be. I believe if any woman finds the above mentioned qualities in a man, she will dive right in regardless of race. Race doesn’t make a man. So, if this man with these adorable qualities happens to be White, does this mean White men are the Black woman’s definition of an ideal man?

300 responses to "Is the White man the Black woman’s ideal man?"

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  1.   Frickels says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 11

    I don't think the White man has done anything to screw up Black women's point of view regarding Black men. Not all Black men mistreat Black women. I think some Black men should try to understand the pain and hurt that many Black women have experience in their relationships with Black men. However, there are men in every race that mistreat women. I do think that Black men and women have had a lot societal stressors that has affected them on a whole. I can only speak from my own experiences, and I think it may be difficult for individuals to think this is not a race issue, but it is on some levels, as well as cultural. It is also difficult to erase some of the negative effects of racism, but we should all try. I was always told negative things about white men, and out of fear wouldn't date them. But, I was raised by White foster parents who were the best parents in the world. I have dated and loved the Black men who have come into my life, but because of where they were as a person, things didn't work out. I have met many Black men who wanted to be with me, but was not ready to settle down. I think it is healthy to date outside of your race, it can broaden your perspective...and you will also discover that people are people no matter the color of their skin.

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  2. Posted: 20 Jun 11

    I don't any race has anything to do with what determines who is the black woman, white woman or any woman of any races' ideal partner Is the white woman the black man's ideal partner? When will people just be people and not put into categories of any kind.? I like men and just recently dated a Mexican man and found out just how loving sweet and kind they can be. I don't think your ideal is determined by the race...it is the things you have in common and physical chemistry between you.

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  3.   thick_qt09 says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 11

    Lol, aint nothin' wrong with likin' what you like. Heck, I like all types of 'chocolate'!

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  4.   thick_qt09 says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 11

    Hmmm let me ponder that question for a second...(jeopardy jingle n bkground)...uh Heck Naw! ANY man has the ability to be a woman's 'ideal man'--black, white, hispanic, haitian, native amer.--just like ANY man has the ability to be stupid; no good; unfaithful/a woman's biggest mistake. Color has nothing to do with how right a man will be for a woman--just like love can 'known no bounds', so can stupidity--it just is what it is...

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  5.   Hodda says:
    Posted: 17 May 11

    Wow, Truthfully, This can get deep. I've been entertaining all week with black/white issues. The bottom line is happiness is a feeling not a color. Everybody wants to be opinionated but at the end of the day none of it matters, when you are in the arms of that person that completes you. We as black men and all men walk around miserable daily waiting for that righteous rib of ours. A lot of black and white men are confused and clueless to this fact. Black women/White women not all, but majority run around looking for the right ribcage they fit in, they then start trying to force themselves into the wrong ribcages, but no matter what they do they will not fit. Love isn't a color, it's not a image we've been tricked into thinking it is, it's not a job, car, big house, big bank account, weight, distance or any materialistic thing or in simple english a "noun". It's a feeling, has it's own orbit that exist without us and has a natural flow that can't be created or destroyed. "Love Hurts" Love has never hurt anyone. People do that, no one wants to be accountable for what they do. I admit we have our share of Black women that date outside of the race for the wrong reasons, same as white women dating brothers for the wrongs reasons, etc..I feel they have issues and it's not any love that can fix that. I feel a lot of Black women have been hurt and dogged out, or maybe seen their mothers mistreated by their fathers, or other black men and truly haven't dealt with that issue, or let go of that part of their life and maybe using this as a release. Black men as well, this is a psychological problem. Nothing wrong with having preference and choice but when you're uncomfortable in your own skin and wanna use loving the opposite race as a shield for something that's way deeper that's the problem.

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    • queenofspice says:
      Posted: 23 Nov 11

      Wow Hodda! That assessment and philosophical analysis was and is so together. My very sentiments.. Even though there are other assessments that are very good, you have given and expressed the more and inclusive theory of any that I have read on here. Whether the choices are being made by men, women, blacks, whites, or whomever, I do feel that there are a lot of the interest and choices that are made, are certainly misplaced, because of some past issues that people have not resolved in their lives. And I do think in those cases that is sad because, that alone in the long run could cause hurt, humiliation, and cause a lot of pain in the end, because I feel in those cases the relationship will perhaps not turn out to be very successful. Also it is sad that these issues can't be owned, accepted and the person reach out for help, get the help they so much need, and try to heal themselves, so when they do chose a person, race or gender, that it can be made for the right reasons and in a healthy way, so that everyone can experience REAL and TRUE LOVE. But it's unlikely, that can happen when making choices for the wrong reasons, and then bring so much baggage into a relationship, because it will be doomed from the beginning. There is nothing greater than having someone that you love, almost more than life, to be waiting for you to come home to, someone that when you leave work, you will be in such a hurry to get home to them, that you won't even want stop to gas up the car, because you're in such hurry to get home to be in their arms, to ask , how their day has been, and to find that special someone at home waiting for you, that is reciprocating those save feelings and emotions to you mutually. To have someone with whom you are proud to claim as your very own and proud to have on your arm to take out and show off at dinner, someone who is a TOTAL package, that is your confidant, your best friend, your LOVER, someone who shares with you in every walk of life. What could be better? But remember people , in order to have this type of relationship from my experience you have to start it out without baggage, one has to take the responsibility to try and make themselves healthy in every aspect, physically, financially, mentally emotionally, psychologically and last but not least sexually. That's my take from my experience.

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  6.   2old2b_here says:
    Posted: 06 May 11

    im not sure why but I sense that black women try harder to be successfull in anything they do simply because of being thought of as less a woman because she is black. it has been my experience that black women a far the better in anything they attemp by majority for the same reason. I have more respect for them on the whole over any other race.

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    • EddyReady says:
      Posted: 05 May 12

      @ 2old2b I agree with you 100% ! I've said it on these blogs before and i'll say it again,( BLACK WOMEN ),one of god's greatest creation :) ! EddyReady

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  7.   2old2b_here says:
    Posted: 06 May 11

    there is but one race, human. censes shows that by majority the black male population rate in our prisons is 75 percent. if these figure were to be carried over into any local population it would make any woman white or black fell somewhat insecure in having a relationship with a black male. I have many black male friends and I laugingly tell them "there is no monoganism in you" and they pretty much agree. there are exceptions to every rule. In breif I think black women feel safer in a relationship with a white male. I can not comment on why white women date black males. Im not qualified.

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    • Blacksteel09 says:
      Posted: 09 Jun 11

      In response to 2old2b, most whites feel safer with the black women because they don't feel feel threatened by them as a strong black male.

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  8.   nuhaitian says:
    Posted: 02 May 11

    ** Ugh this keyboard... There was a time id swear I would never date outside my color. Hell I've never dated outside of my nationality. I don't have a white man experience to compare, so I still have my flag up for the Negros lol. Now that I'm trying to be more open to the idea, YALL NEED TO SHUT UP AND DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME .. ha-ha ... Seriously, just relax and stop posting bs blogs and starting sh!*. Remember, heaven is one big city where everyone will be equal. If this topic was important to Ur eternal life, Jesus would've said so. CALM DOWN PPL JEEZ

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    • ChocoGal says:
      Posted: 04 Sep 11

      U go girl, say it like it is!!!

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      • ChocoGal says:
        Posted: 04 Sep 11

        Needless to say, I've been on both side where black dislike white and vice versa. Luckily my dating experiences with the white race has not had any negative effect on my perception and desire to still go out with white guys. Any race that sees itself superior is the one with low self esteem in my opinion. I don't need anyone to dictate who I can or cannot date just because of skin color. KAPUSH!!!!!

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        • Q18 says:
          Posted: 22 May 12

          When I look at some of these post I say to myself "Black people we got a long way to go." Why do we dislike ourselves so much. We are the main targets of interracial dating. Dr. Francis Cress Welsing was right , white supremacy is alive and working well. I far from one to place blame on any one. However, psychologically we have been work on. Throughout we have accepted any one that accept us . While I do not care to debate or argue about someone else personal choice. I will state my perspective. It is my responsibility as a black man to love my people and respect their free will. However, it is also my responsibility to help them understand the power of unity. many are talk about gaining an education in the European since, however, no one seem to be educated on who they are. I myself will soon have a degree in this system. However, I refuse to let it define total sense of understanding. True education is educating self about self. Without my people understanding of our great history as a race, unity will be a merely a dream. With out my people understanding the many factors that lead to our modern day problems, unity will be merely a dream. Brothers will continue to blame sisters and sister will continue to blame brothers. The victory will go to those who want to see our demise. Peace and Love!

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          • trackgirl15 says:
            Posted: 25 Jun 12

            finally, someone who tells it like it is. we certainly have been worked on as a people. nobody makes a complaint when any other race dates outside of their "race" but when black people do it OH BOY!!!! I believe this is a big problem in the USA because of the history of the country. many other countries date interracially all the time. I think black people should definitely learn about our history.........starting with the history of black people in AMERICA...........keep fighting my brotha!!!!!

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  9.   nuhaitian says:
    Posted: 02 May 11

    Ehg ehmmm What is all this hooplah about anyway? Who cares? Stop trying to find reasons why black folks date white folks. There's only one race and that's the human race. So if one likes a little cream in their coffee let em have it. Black ppl in the usa need to find out and know their history. Once u know where Uve been, ull know where Ur going. U ppl have problems or too much time in Ur hands. All this bs about whose skin color is more superior makes me wanna barf. Too much one sided bs in here. This site caught my eye bc o thought ppl on here were diff from the idiots I deal with everyday but oops... Lemme just say I've never found white men attractive. Coming from a country where everyone is black, I can't be the angry black woman whose suddenly always been attracted to white men lol. And if yall really wanna discuss superiority, black ppl were the 1st ppl on the planet. From Adam to Jesus himself.

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    • nika23 says:
      Posted: 14 May 12

      I agree, I'm also an immigrant (white people were few and far between, but there were all other races) and I never saw a white person until I came to the US. I find men of all races attractive, but attraction is not the only key to love. To me it's all about how the person treats me. I dated black men most of my life, but I was often ridiculed for being who I am. If I dated a "regular brother" I generally heard negative comments for being educated, not wearing expensive name brands, not cursing or using the N word and many other dumb things. The rare educated black men that date black women would make it seem like they were doing me a favor by being with me and complained about me not being light skinned enough, not skinny enough, hair not long enough and now that I'm natural, hair not straight. No woman wants to be constantly criticized for being herself. As a teen when I thought about my future life with a husband and children, I always saw a black man, so maybe they were my ideal, but the physical outside is a lot less important to me than the values, morals and characteristics of the person. I'm not saying there are no good black men, but there are few who will date black women and I don't want a thug, so I opened my options to men of other races. I'm just looking for someone who will be good to me and has similar life goals. Black men often call black women gold diggers, but in most all black relationships I know, the women are the ones making the money. If they suggest that the guy goes to college, or gets a trade or does something to improve himself, thereby increasing his desireability to employers, we are accused of trying to change them or of being gold diggers. I can't deal with someone always thinking the worst of me and accusing me of nonsense because I can't stand drama. For me, I'll deal with someone who appreciates me for who I am and wants to be there for me through thick and thin as I would for them. I've grown tired of accepting guys and their short comings and not being accepted for me. If the man that treats me well happens to be white, Asian, Indian, Native American or mixed race like Hispanics etc, I won't care what anyone thinks because being loved and appreciated for who I am is much more important than being loved by a man who is black.

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  10.   xLifex says:
    Posted: 30 Apr 11

    Yeah we white men are better than those black men we know how to treat the women right, that's why I date only black women because I like their faces.

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  11.   jena says:
    Posted: 04 Apr 11

    I'm trying to become more comfortable with dating outside my race. It surprising to me that I would even care what others may think. I'm typically one who could care less. But for some reason when I dated a white guy , I did feel apprehensive about how other black peole viewed me. I never cared how white people viewed me. I will say the few experiences I have had with other than black men has been great. I really did not know what being treated like a queen meant until I received just that from a non black man in both instances. However, I would always more or less desire the black male previously. I am at the stage of my life where I want someone who makes me happy period. That could come in white, black, and those in between

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  12.   XALA says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 11

    Hmmm.....honestly...i say it could be true that black women do see white men as their idols, but this has nothing to do with status class power or even race. Rather it more about emotional expression. This is not really problem or an issue that need trashing its just how it is. White guys are obviously better when it comes to communication at an emotional level, more so they tend not to demand as much respect from women as the average black guy. This observations is also suitable if a woman of traditional Japanese heritage would prefer and white guy, i am quite sure the answers would mostly be yes. This has nothing to do with color but more to do with customs traditions, norms etc. Basic concepts of humanity that just define change and evolution. I like white girls not because of their skin or how they choose to see other race but because (my opinion) they kiss better LOL. And i like black girls because they know how to make feel like a man (my opinion). I especially :-) like Japanese women because...well go fig? So in the end it just depends on what i want and not really race, because these virtues are not unique to either black or white.

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  13.   coolgal211 says:
    Posted: 19 Feb 11

    Race doesn't matter to me. All I care about is the personality of the man (his looks count too). What I believe is that some men don't live up to their potential. Also, that they don't see that they are powerful and can be so awesome. I have looked on this site and I have seen so many men that are successful and driven. On this site there are many black, white, and other races that are talented and successful. So, I don't get why anyone would think so negatively about something that is untrue. To be honest I don't care about who I fall in love with as long as he treated me right.

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  14.   DeeRock83 says:
    Posted: 16 Feb 11

    Well holy crap guess what? Life isn't always fair and we don't always get what we want. I don't like coffee with sugar in it, but I don't rag on people who do. If you don't like seeing an opposite sex member of your own race romantically involved with someone of a different race then that's just too damn bad. What's so hard about minding your own business? This isn't aimed at black men either, this is across the board.

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  15. Posted: 31 Jan 11

    I agree with some of the comments by the responder to the random article. There is a false perception that black women see white men as their "idol". The problem that I see is we are too focused on color, ethnicity and separation of the human race to see what is most important... compatibility. Yes it is a true fact that some countries, like India, have strict customs when it comes to marriage. But there are enough human beings that only look at the situation as one person finding another. I do not agree that just because I am a woman of color that I HAVE to find a man of color and that is the only way I can be happy. There are different nationalities on this earth for a reason. We share common factors and the reality is if we were of different species/races, there would be absolutely no way for us to inter mix and create an array of beautiful children. It saddens me that there are so many narrow minds still out there. We have come so far yet there are way too many being held back by their primitive way of thinking. If I ever find myself with the right man and he asks me to marry him and he happens to be Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Spain(spanish), French, German, Greek and NOT a man of color, shouldn't all that matters be...He treats me like a man should treat a woman? ;0)

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  16.   kissime says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 11

    You're welcome, Sir Julius.

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  17.   julius says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 11

    Thanks for the info kissime

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  18.   kissime says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 11

    julius, I'm sure most of us don't think only black & white people have problem with Interracial Relationships. As soon as World News is the Topic of discussion-I'm positive we will give our opinion :) I've seen many comments on Asian & Black/White Forum.

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  19.   julius says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 11

    Why do people only think that it only black and white that have a problem with IR relationships. In Saudi Arabia their women are not allowed to talk to foreign men so the only choice they have is their own. It will take many many years for their to be a world were people can marry outside their race without hostility from their own and other races. And that world will not happened in our lifetime.

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  20.   nafahamu says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 11

    If a white or black man (it's on both sides remember) do not like seeing their women with men from a different race, that's simply their problem. Obviously she wouldn't of chosen to be with you because she is open minded and appreciates beauty of all cultures, something that the guy with the problem doesn't understand. I also have a problem that states black women only go for white men because they can't find a decent black man. There are plenty of decent black men out there! Maybe just maybe, she's attracted to a particular white guy because she finds beauty in him and maybe share similar interests...

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  21.   TYRANT says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 11

    Oh God, let's just get to the point. While a few black men may take issue with black women dating white men the MAJORITY of us simply DO NOT CARE. I know this is difficult for a lot of black women to accept, but that's the TRUTH. The problem I have is that a whole lot of black women are unable to voice their attraction for non-black men without BASHING black men in the process. That's where the ARGUMENT comes from, and that's where it's always going to come from. Outside of that I wouldn't give a RAT'S ASS if every single black woman on the planet woke up and decided she wanted to date/marry a white man.

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  22.   julius says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 11

    Dear Sunniidai thanks for pointing out the souce of a black mans CHAOS, since you have the wisdom of the legendery King Solomen any chance of you resolving the middle east conflict,and the conflict in sudan,bring peace to afghanistan, end world poverty, bring food to the starving millions,bring economic stability to ireland and greece, make haiti earthquake proof etc etc. Sorry i cant solves these problems iam to busy with my chaotic life with my white woman; you know how it goes, got to make the most of it before the benefits are gone!! SUNNII DUE ALL DAII

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  23.   sunniidai says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 11

    I AM SADDEN BY THE QUOTE OF THE ARTICLE BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM OF A BLACK WOMAN AND A WHITE MAN!!!! IT SEEMS LIKE THE STRONGER THE BLACK WOMAN GET THE WEAKER A BROTHER WANT TO MAKE HER BECAUSE SHE'S NOT GIVING HIM THAT DEMAMNDING SATISFACTION OR ATTENTION THAT HE NEEDS!!! fOR A BROTHER TO UNDERSTAND WHY A BLACK WOMNA WOULD BE SUCH A WONDERFUL ADVENTUERIOUS IT WILL TAKE HIM TO GET TO KNOW HER 30 TIMES!!! SEE JUST LIKE YOU BLACK MEN HAVE QUALITIES AND NEEDS TO FULFILL FOR A WHITE WOMAN IS THE EXACT SAME PLAY THAT GOES ON WITH OUT WHITE MEN AND BLACK SISTERS!!!! I TRULY DON'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH A WHITE MAN (DATING OR MARRING) A BLACK SISTER!! LOOK AT IT THIS WAY A WHITE MAN AND A BLACK SISTER IS THE MOST HUMBLED AND WOULD LAST FOREVER.. WHEN A BLACK GUY AND A WHITE SISTER IS FULL OF CHOAS AND WOULD ONLY LAST UNTIL THE BENEFITS IS GONE!!! LMAO!!! SAD!! BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!! SUNNII DUE ALL DAII

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    • TYRANT says:
      Posted: 09 Jan 11

      I think it's the more educated a black woman becomes the more overinflated her ego gets. If there was even a grain of truth to your statement, and there isn't, the MAJORITY of black men and women would be running away from each other instead of dating/marrying each other. The fact that you would even bother reducing monoracial (black men/black women) and interracial relationships (black men/white women) says more about you than the relationships you're bashing. It's pathetic, but it is what it is.

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  24.   kissime says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 10

    Oh... Sarah, thank you so much. I've enjoyed you sharing just a little bit of your life-please keep us smiling. May you & your love ones have a very Happy Beautiful New Year ♥Start the New Year with a big kiss to Mr. Scoff♥

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  25.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 10

    Counting down another year, yes and doing some reflecting, or should I say thinking about if?? A lot of if's, if I would of turned left instead of right. Sometimes the simplest decisions have such a major impact on our lives. Enough on the philosophical over used terms. Just want to give a few complements to some of our fellow bloggers. Misse 01: Outstanding thoroughly enjoy your thoughts. Being a 60 plus year old old black lady, I find a very common bond with your writing's. Cjeleven: To be so young and exhibit such thoughtful writings, oh young lady I see nothing but success in your future. Kissime & Friendly: Always on the mark, love both of you. Your on my top ten list. Cynamyn, Nika, Cowgirl, Romina: Excellent; very welcome thoughts, from wonderful people. Keep up the good work, and a very Happy New Year God Bless Love Sarah

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    • Cynamyn82 says:
      Posted: 04 Jan 11

      Scoff/Sarah, God bless you. I find comfort in reading your comments and hope you continue posting them. Happy New Year!!

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    • ChocolatLadi says:
      Posted: 04 Oct 15

      Sarah and Scoff I was thinking about you two! I check in every so often to see if you have any new posts I hope all is well!!!!! Take Care and God Bless!

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  26.   Romina19 says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 10

    To your last question it doesn't. I like white men, but that doesn't mean I'm only in search of white men. I want a man who have the qualities that I desire in a man and vice versa for a man I'm pretty sure. If he happens to be another race than so be it. I think this whole black and white thing will never end. Why does it even matter If a man you are in a relationship with is black or white? It's because people just can't seem to grasp that is a new generation. My...our..generation is more accepting of relationships that aren't within their own race because we are more open-minded.

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  27.   Misse01 says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 10

    To you Jahsymeon: You are right I am definitely old enough to be your mother, NO thanks, I have two very wonderful sons of my own and 3 very handsome grandsons. Not that its any of your business, they did not deserve me, but I was the caregiver for my mother for about 2 years and co-caregiver along with the healthcare facility until her death in 2008, so my personal life was on hold that I might devote ALL of my time and effort to the care and well being of my mother.

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  28.   Misse01 says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 10

    Thank you Sarah/Scoff, not that I am an expert by no means,I think we all have one of those in our family where we are hesitant about the introduction. I think some of it is that a White man is concerned about what his family will say about his interest in a Black woman. There are some whose family is not aware that he has an interest in Black women. Does it have to do with the way they were raised? That was my experience with a guy I met, could not be seen with me in public for fear his children would see him, would not meet in the daytime, it was always at night. For me I saw NO color, only when I looked at him that I saw he was White. Guys that have the desire for Black women and too ashamed to let that be known I call them "closet lovers of Black Women" you want to hide your attraction, Why? You know if you are attracted to an individual whatever the ethnicity should that hinder you? Later everyone, Happy New Year and be SAFE!!!!!!!!

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  29.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 27 Dec 10

    Good morning to all, scanning through some of these comments, I will relate a conversation I had with some friends the other day. Spending the day shopping we decide to go to Olive Gardens to top our day out. After we had finished eating we happen to run into a couple that we know that are about our age, (both white). Not wanting to eat alone they invited us to sit with them, and at least have coffee and desert. Really I can't recall how the subject came up, maybe because there were several inter racial couples in the restaurant, all black male/white female, anyway to the topic. So the Mrs. of the couple made the statement, I just wonder why in public you hardly ever see a white. male/ black female combination. Now this started a whole dialogue of speculations. Scoff thought that is there still a certain taboo among the white women, that if they know a white male goes out with a black woman, maybe he has some sort of problems, or maybe there still exist a family thing against this kind of relation ship from both races. The Mr. of the couple felt like it was more of a family issue from both races. The Mrs. thought that a black woman would suffer a lot of criticism, and isolation in the black community. Thinking back I feel that all of these thoughts are part of the bigger picture. In the reality of a real world scenario I'm just not sure. So as I do so often I regress back to our days, I know what your thinking oh crap; not another ol'woman story from Sarah. Well kinda of so hang in there, I explored my feelings about when Scoff and I got back to together around 2004 or 2005, I was very reluctant to introduce him to my family and friends. Sitting here now I tried to think why? He's a good looking educated, financially secure, threats me like a Queen. AAAhhh but he's white, and what would that say about me. I can't get a black man? I have a problem with black men? So you can see where this is going, one of those questions with out an answer. I know this doesn't really clear anything up, I guess it just adds more questions or dynamic's to a real life situation. We as humans have emotions, ideas, and yes even prejudices of course we will deny the prejudices until we are put in our graves. Love to all and God Bless Sarah/Scoff

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  30. Posted: 22 Dec 10

    Thank you Kissime for you kind words.I appricate them and i know the other guys will/do too! I look forward to reading your and the other ladies comments on these blogs and i will try to stay focused on the subject at hand.But sometimes some people just need to be put in there place! To all the haters just go set in a tub of ice water and cool off! Thanks again Kissime. EddyReady cares!

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  31.   kissime says:
    Posted: 22 Dec 10

    BLKPRIDE, NOPLAYER, EDDYREADY/BIGTEN, viator1: I want to thank you all for regarding the blogs with such respect. You all have always made your points without degradation. Your intellectual decadence shows true class. BLKPRIDE, though I think your approach may have been surprising, you have never expressed ugliness by nature. I appreciate your humility. And your acknowledgment of how things can be at a balance shows the man that you are. I would really like for you all to engage in these conversations--for I can only communicate effectively with men and women of great nobility. Sincerely, Kissime

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  32. Posted: 20 Dec 10

    At the end of the day people have different preferences,therefore our ideals will differ.

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    • Cynamyn82 says:
      Posted: 24 Dec 10

      Thank you prototype! I’m going to be VERY honest here. I read and hear plenty of people saying that love sees no color. That may be true for some, but not for others. In my case, that is not true at all. I CLEARLY see color and become attracted to it. As I have said on a few forums, I am attracted to men of a MUCH lighter hue, which is why I go for men outside my race, generally. I don’t see this as a good or bad thing. It’s just the way it has been for me since my childhood, and it will continue to be that way. As, I told a friend of mine, I will not fight the attraction I have towards non-black men. They are just too irresistible in my eyes.

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      • patrickm36 says:
        Posted: 29 Jan 11

        Im just curious ?? I know you said you have attraction or preference to men of lighter hue., Do you think black men in general who are dark skin are inferior??

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        • Cynamyn82 says:
          Posted: 16 Feb 11

          No one is inferior in my eyes. It's just a strong attraction I've had for a LONG time.

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  33.   cowgirl says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 10

    Wow - this is a topic of discussion that strikes a nerve, good and bad, with a lot of people. In my experiences personally and in discussions I've had with other women, both black and white, I've found that for some dating outside of your race is somewhat of a "taste of the forbidden fruit" and particularily if you've never experienced it, there is a certain amount of curiousity about the well spoken sterotypes of the differences between the two races. I chose to join this site a few years ago to open up my options to meeting other men I might not otherwise connect with. But at the same time I'm also on another site that promotes connections for "black people". In all, I believe most black women chose to date outside of their race for their own personal reasons and needs but all that any woman truly wants is a man that they can trust and believe in and who will love them unconditionally because when we love, we love hard and forever and we will stand behind our man regardless of the color of his skin. As a preference, I and most black women would chose to be in a relationship a black man, but its about who makes you smile in the morning and moan at night and I think both races are capable and equip to handle that task. But unfortunately its that inbetween time that I'm experiencing the friction which I don't believe its attributed to skin color, so I'm still looking for you lover.....

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  34.   kissime says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 10

    All I Want For Christmas Is You I don't want a lot for Christmas There's just one thing I need I don't care about presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you. I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about presents Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to hang my stocking There upon the fireplace Santa Claus won't make me happy With a toy on Christmas day I just want you for for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you You baby I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow I'm just gonna keep on waiting Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it To the North Pole for Saint Nick I won't even stay awake to Hear those magic reindeer click 'Cause I just want you here tonight Holding on to me so tight What more can I do Baby all I want for Christmas is you You All the lights are shining So brightly everywhere And the sound of children's Laughter fills the air And everyone is singing I hear those sleigh bells ringing Santa won't you bring me the one I really need Won't you please bring my baby to me Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas This is all I'm asking for I just want to see my baby Standing right outside my door Oh I just want him for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true Baby all I want for Christmas is You All I want for Christmas is you baby All I want for Christmas is you baby. by Mariah Carey I can't wait for Christmas! I hope you all have a Beautifully warm Holiday with your family & friends. Every time I hear this song I get so warm & fuzzy inside...it makes me smile :)

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    • Posted: 19 Dec 10

      Kissime,i hope you and your son have a great christmas and i wish you the best and hope you find what makes you happy! EddyReady cares!

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      • kissime says:
        Posted: 19 Dec 10

        Thank you, EDDYREADY/BIGTEN,. We will! Merry Christmas to you as well Happiness is a gift from our creator. Happiness is within us. x0x0x

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  35.   jahsymeon says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 10

    FIRST OFF I TYPE IN CAPS AS A REPLY MSG TO WHOM EVER, AND IF YOU THINK THAT IM TYPING IN CAPS AS TO SAY THAT IM YELLING AND BEING RUDE WELL THAT'S SOMETHING YOU ASSUME AND GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH. IN NONE OF THE TOPICS HAVE I EVER STATED ANYTHING OR SEEN ANYTHING THAT LEAD PEOPLE TO BELIEVE THAT A BRUTHA IS UPSET THAT A SISTA DEALS WITH WHITEMEN PLEASE TELL ME SOMEBODY, WHERE ON ANY OF THESE TOPICS!! I WISH I WOULD BE LESS THEN A MAN LIKE YOU EDDIE AND SAY SORRY OKAY I WONT DO IT ANY MORE TO TYPE IN CAPS. AND THAT'S A DIFFERENCE THERE TO SHOW WHO THEY CAN CONTROL BUT IM NOT FOR IT, SMH BE A MAN, IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU OR ANY OTHER MAN TYPING IN CAPS, ITS OTHER ROOMS ALSO OTHER SITES TO GO TO, SO NOT AT ALL WILL I STOP DOING WHAT I DO, I JUST WOULD'NT DISRESPECT ANY FEMALE BY CALLING OUT NAMES!!!! IF I WERE TO JUST TO LIE AND SAY ALL BLACKWOMEN WILL COMFORT YOU AND JUST BE A GREAT WOMAN FOR ANY MAN!!! WHAT KIND OF MAN WOULD I BE FOR TELLING THAT LIE? BEING HONEST AND TELLING IT LIKE IT IS IS MY THING... AND TO EDDIE, IF YOU WANT A SISTA GET YOU A SISTA BUT DON'T STEP OUT OF MANHOOD TO TALK DOWN ON A MAN TO ANOTHER FEMALE JUST TO FIT IN WITH THE WOMEN, HOPEFULLY YOU CAN DO BETTER THEN THAT.. I SEE THEIR ANGRY BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FIND A MAN THAT WANTS TO PUT UP WITH THEIR FOOLISHNESS. THAT'S PUNKISH WITH THAT POST"WHERE ARE THESE KEEP COMING FROM"WHICH WAS A SIBLIMINAL WAY TO KNOCK US BRUTHAZ... BUT I DO UNDERSTAND IT'S IN YOUR NATURE TO DO COWARD &%$$. SEE THE DIFFERENCE IS IM TYPING THIS AT YOU NOT TYPING TO KNOW FEMALE ABOUT YOU... @ CYNAMYN: MOST OF YOU SISTAZ ON HERE HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES, AND OF COURSE YOU WOULD FEEL THAT WHAT I JUST SAID DON'T HAVE ANY SUBSTANCE BECAUSE IT'S TELLING YOU ALL THE TRUTH ABOUT MANY OF YOU, NOT ALL BUT SO MANY!!! @AKAJHND: i AGREE WITH YOU 100% YOU KNOW THAT'S A TRUE FACT JUST LIKE ANY OTHER BRUTHA AND REAL SISTA KNOW THAT'S EXACTLY TRUE.. @MISSE01: PRETTY MUCH YOUR OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER ALSO GRANDMOTHER, SO AT THAT AGE BEING SINGLE FOR SO LONG AND BEING LONELY, I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR THIRSTY ATTEMPTS TO FIND LOVE. AND BY THE GUYS YOU SAY NOT HAVING MONEY OR LETTING YOU KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE DOES'NT MEAN THESE GUYS DID'NT HAVE SOME KIND OF INCOME. ALSO, YOU SAYING MONEY AND POWER DID'NT MATTER, SO WHAT WAS THE REASON YOU STOP DEALING WITH THESE GUYS? AND BUT OF COURSE WOMEN WANT THE GUYS WITH MONEY AND POWER AS FOR HELPING THEM GET WHAT THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT IT. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS. ALOT OF THESE FEMALES IN HERE DID'NT GROW UP AND WAS TAUGHT GREAT THINGS LIKE REAL BLACK WOMEN IN YOUR GENERATION DID MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS *HUGZ*&KISSES..

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    • Posted: 18 Dec 10

      Jahsymeon,i am not going to get into a meaningless debate with you on any thing! Don't take it out on me because you got corrected for typing in caps.Don't take it out on me because i have a better attitude in talking to black women than you do,and don't take it out on me because you are getting so much negative comments from the ladies on this blog,brother! Yes it is spelled brother not brutha! You sound like your talking with your tounge folded up in your mouth.You know that is a sure sign of retardation.

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      • Cynamyn82 says:
        Posted: 24 Dec 10

        Ignore him and perhaps he will be smart enough to go away. Anywho, HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

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  36.   misse01 says:
    Posted: 16 Dec 10

    My apologies first before I leave this comment, to those that maybe offended. As I stated in my first comment that I met two(2) white men this year and neither one had power nor money. So from my perspective the money/power thing just flew out the window. Clearly it was not because they had money nor power. Perhaps after so many years of being alone I was ready for that closeness. One was 53 yrs. old, divorced, living with mom , 5 kids and child support, the other one was 50 yrs. old, never married, no kids, no job, no money and living with dad dare I say "no money" and "no power." I also realize that the ones that I met are not representations of all White men, just as one Black women does not represent us all.

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  37.   misse01 says:
    Posted: 14 Dec 10

    I have read the comments posted about the dating issue of Black women and White men. I NEVER had any fantasies about dating a White man, never thought of it to be honest and I am a 60 year old Black woman. No hang ups about race either. Ultimately I think its up to the individuals involved, if the chemistry or the vibe is right then don't pass up the chance to see where it leads. I think each person should be viewed as an individual, there is some GOOD and BAD in both sides. I have met two(2) White men and the experience was NOT a good one and it was this year 2010. If he is a DECENT human being, doesn't matter the race. We are created equal by OUR Heavenly Father. SOME BLACK WOMEN maybe are looking for wealth and power, but that's NOT all BLACK WOMEN. IF he is a GOD fearing, Christian man, loves GOD and gives GOD some of his time and talents he is a GOOD man and he can be OF any RACE. LATER EVERYONE!!!!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!!!!!!!!

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    • misse01 says:
      Posted: 14 Dec 10

      Sorry!!! I know about the caps, but trying to hit home my point!!!!

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  38.   kissime says:
    Posted: 12 Dec 10

    EDDYREADY/BIGTEN, They come from planet Jupiter. They represent the mass destruction of FLATULENCE on the count of the fact that they come from a planet filled with GAS!!!

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    • Posted: 13 Dec 10

      Kissime,i agree with you 100%.It's one thing to be full of it, but when you start letting it out for the whole world to smell,not only is it rude,it just plain stinks! Bye,sweetie !

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  39.   kissime says:
    Posted: 11 Dec 10

    AKAJHND, my attraction to Caucasian men has nothing to do with sexual prows. What you're insinuating is rather insulting. You're portraying interracial relationships as sad hypnotic, compulsive mechanical courtship -only for desultory sex . Your observations are incorrect and injurious to your thinking--and irrelevant. And, mathematically, you're incompetent. Your percentage of 98.9% is way too high--but I'm assuming base on your direct attempt to kill-joy, you may be drunk & high--on the brink of suicide--perhaps? You're not liking this white men-black women or any men other than black men business, are ya? It's like a petty -jealous girl claiming the love of a popular guy for that girl is only 'cause she's great @ blowjobs. I've got the perfect skirt for you,sir. Your vantage point suggest no wisdom.

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    • Posted: 12 Dec 10

      Kissime,where do these guy's keep comming from? Know wonder you ladies are interested in white guys! Just another know everything-know nothing guy thats packing a grudge because some people are living their life's different than the way he thinks they should when in reality it is none of his concern!

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  40.   AKAJHND says:
    Posted: 11 Dec 10

    AT THE RISK OF GETTING KICKED OFF THIS WEBSITE I HAVE TO WEIGHIN ON THIS. I AM THE PRODUCT OF A 4TH GENERATION MULTI-RACIAL FAMILY AND AFTER 50 YRS. OF WATHCHING RACE RELATIONS FROM MY VANTAGE POINT, I KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF DOUT THAT THE ONLY REASON 98.9% OF THE BLACK WOMAN THAT GRAVITATE TOWARD WHITE MEN IS BECAUSE OF MONEY$$$ AND POWER. TAKE AWAY HIS MONEY AND HE BECOMES JUST ANOTHER B.A.N. SHE'LL DROP HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT. BECAUSE NOW HE'S BROKE AND POWERLESS JUST LIKE MOST OF HIS BLACK MALE COUNTERPARTS. LET'S KEEP IT REAL SISTAZ, IT CAN'T BE BECAUSE OF HIS SEXUAL PROUIS, BECAUSE MEANY BLACK MEN ARE PRACTICING ORAL SEX NOW. IT'S HARDLY TABOO..TODAY.

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    • Cynamyn82 says:
      Posted: 23 Dec 10

      @ AKAHND So are you saying that white men are rich and powerful and that black men are broke? I have seen some black men with stable careers and live in affluent neighborhoods and women of other races going to them while seeing dollar signs. Have you anything to say about this? As for why some of us date white men, it can be for various reasons. The exact same thing applies to black men who only date white women.

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      • patrickm36 says:
        Posted: 29 Jan 11

        What about us brother who are in between or have one or the other and CANT get a sista?? There are ALOT of brothers who are NOT in jail that are getting passed up or not noticed. I should know....im one of them!!

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    • 545Frosty says:
      Posted: 18 Feb 11

      You seem to be a pretty dumb person. It's your own fault if you have nothing. Try going to work sometime.

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    • 545Frosty says:
      Posted: 18 Feb 11

      My comment to what you said is below. I wrote it under the wrong comment.

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  41.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    I think the black womans ideal man is the one who truely loves her and honors her and she can also return those same centiments. It really isn't about choices. But, if she doesn't find it with a black man then she may want to consider men from other races.

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  42.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ Phit2at You said it in a nutshell.

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  43.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ jahsymeon Not all black women treat you like that. Perhaps there are some who are still walking around with that chip on their shoulder...but not all. I have experienced black men tripping when they see me with a white man...do I care? No. Does he care? No. We continue to enjoy each others company. The only way those women will change is when they start to realize that they have other options just like you do. Don't date other women because you feel it give you some special status. Date them because you care about them. If you really care about them and not just doing it to be seen, other people reactions will not matter to you anymore. Also, typing in all caps is yelling and considered to be rude, in case you didn't already know.

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    • Posted: 01 Dec 10

      Friendly13,Sorry i have been typing in caps.I did not know some people considered it yelling and being rude.That's not my style.I want do it anymore.Thanks for letting some of us know that.Thanks again,Friendly13.

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  44.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ lib_babe I agree with you that we should stop making insults at each other because of our choice to date white men. In my opinion it is unnecessary to bash black men or women because of our choice. I don't date white men because black men are bad, because they are not worse than any other kind of man. I think that black men are beautiful but I enjoy opening my options up to dating white men and I enjoy dating them. But this is in no way a reflection of what I think of black men.

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  45.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ Bee1 There was a time I looked for good black men...I can't say that I didn't find one or that the men I tried were not good. But I can say that I was not meant for them or they me or I would be with one of them at least after 43 years. So, I don't think that a person is bad because they choose to go a different direction. I think it is good that those choices simply put us on the path that we should be on eventually. Even though others may not always understand why we wound up on that path.

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  46.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ CJeleven Amen.

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  47.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ Viator1 Your points are so true and clear.

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  48.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    I really get tired of hearing about what black men feel about us black women. You know it is not even about them. Black women are begging to realize that we are just as beautiful to other races of men as other women are. Our choices are just growing that is all. That is okay. It doesn't mean that black men are bad or less desirable to us. Black men are beautiful and always will be. I understand why white women like them so much. But black women's choices are few when competing with white women unless we open our minds and hearts to the white men who would like to have a chance in a relationship with us. Black women have to stop being angry and hurt about what black men are doing and move in to broader horizons and the world should just leave us alone while we are doing it and stop pointing out negative things about us and why we don't deserve these new choices and options that we have. Black men are great and White men are great and men of other races are great. It all depends on prefernce and destiny.

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    • Posted: 01 Dec 10

      HI;FRIENDLY13,WHAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IS IF A BLACK MAN DATES A WHITE WOMAN,IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE SO RIGHT, BUT IF A BLACK WOMAN DATES A WHITE MAN IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE SO WRONG.THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER ONE. ALL YOU HEAR ON THESE BLOGS IS THE BLACK MEN TRYING TO PUT DOWN THE BLACK WOMAN FOR DATING WHITE,BUT YOU NEVER HEAR THE BLACK WOMAN PUTTING DOWN THE BLACK MAN FOR DOING THE SAME THING. I GUESS THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW EVERYONE HOW MUCH CLASS A BLACK WOMAN HAS! BROTHER'S YOU BETTER WAKE UP,YOUR WOMEN ARE WONDERFUL!!!

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      • nika23 says:
        Posted: 20 Dec 10

        I agree, I never understand the double standard. If they are so happy with who they date, why are they so upset with who we date?

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        • Posted: 20 Dec 10

          Thank you,Nika23.My point exactly.Bye!

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        • creamofcrp says:
          Posted: 13 Jan 11

          They want the cake & icecream all @ the same time....It's almost as if they don't want us to be happy or see us happy. But it's ok for them to be happy!

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        • 545Frosty says:
          Posted: 18 Feb 11

          Some people of all races are unhappy with their own lives, and the only way they think they can feel better with themselves is by putting someone else down for what they do. In their unhappiness, so many people think they have to run someone else's life, when they can't even run their own lives. We'd be a lot happier if people would just mind their own business, and stay out of other people's lives. I say to any person dating or married to another race: You Go! You've got it made, as long as you love each other.

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  49.   kissime says:
    Posted: 28 Nov 10

    viator1, I am so loving your brain right now. I've read your other comments as well. If only you lived in Illinois :)

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  50.   viator1 says:
    Posted: 27 Nov 10

    "And if a successful, caring and loving Black man was pitted against an equally successful, caring and loving White man, quite a number of them would pick the Black man. So this thing about the White man being the Black woman’s real idol, I am having trouble believing…" quote from article above. While I agree that white men, or any men, for that matter, should be nobody's idol (lol). I do take exception to the assumption that this writer knows who the women might choose consistently. If only all things were the same? They’re not, people are different and offer distinct options that another may not; Black, white or green, I go with the best person... though a dazzling smile doesn't hurt. What does it matter, if a woman date this person or that, so long as she is healthy and happy in her relationships? I realize some of you are splitting hairs a bit, and I understand that this is a racially related site, but i can't help but wonder what all the noise is about black men vs white men. Probably I simply do not have the experience to fully understand, but from where I come from, race simply does not matter. My family has absolutely no tolerance for any sort of dishonesty and bigotry. From a young age I was taught that all people are equal and basically good. Every article I've came across here seems to confuse the difference between dating who you want and what the overriding culture demands. I hear a lot of unnecessary guilt in some black women’s words. Is that because there are a lot of folks who will try to talk you out of a relationship with someone outside your culture? If so, might I suggest that you know what’s best for you and the culture really doesn’t give a damn about your happiness. To me, it's culture, not race that is the most difficult thing to surmount in a relationship. I was once married to a Korean women and though I still think she's a great person, our cultural values did not mesh well. So, perhaps all this talk about race isn't really is about culture. A little background about me: Hopefully this will help you understand where I’m coming from. I have no doubt, that people will have differing opinions, especially those from another age group, where the rules might be different. After all, I’m an o-o-old man (sigh, cough). I am a 47 yr old successful white male, who was raised by liberal intellectuals in S. California. That kinda says it all, doesn’t it? Perhaps I am taking the race thing too scientifically, as genetically we share 99.9 of the same genes. The only outward difference between us is skin tone. Though, I understand (as well as any outsider) that there are quite a few scars still in need of healing among the african-american community and for that I am sorry. Everybody deserves to be treated in accordance to their attitude, not physical appearance. But, we do it all the time. Look at advertising - perfect young faces and bodies. They don't even have to speak and we want to buy whatever they're peddling (wink). So, I guess I get it. It's just that to me the differences are what makes the world so interesting; Weird how others might think differently. Andrew

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    • Cynamyn82 says:
      Posted: 22 Dec 10

      viator1 said... "What does it matter, if a woman date this person or that, so long as she is healthy and happy in her relationships? I realize some of you are splitting hairs a bit, and I understand that this is a racially related site, but i can’t help but wonder what all the noise is about black men vs white men." Good GOSH I love your comments and your username! I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. Kissime, isn't he the best?

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      • kissime says:
        Posted: 22 Dec 10

        He is a rational and intelligent man indeed, Cynamyn82, and very refreshing. We must focus on what our purpose on this dating site is; finding love. It's unfortunate how some find this blog as an outlet to insult because they can not control affairs of the heart/ people's preference (s). We're trying to stay focus on the subject matters-but for some it is a play ground to inflict insults because of lack integrity, humility, logic. The lack of self-control consumes the emotional needy....taking deep breaths and learning to be better is just too hard for some with anger issues. So they lash out and acts as 10 year olds with the mentality of "F@*K" the world" But it is what it is and we must be the better person & consider the source.

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        • Cynamyn82 says:
          Posted: 23 Dec 10

          Kissime, It's a shame that others feel the need to harass others due to feeling insecure. Actually I have seen 10-year-old with more maturity than some of those in their 20's and 30's...heck even 40's!!! Anywho, they are not relevant to my existence, so their shaming tactics don't work. It's best to just continue with the purpose of why we joined the site. Things will be much easier that way. Fortunately, I have met some wonderful individuals here.

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