Learning to be a Submissive changed my sex life for the better

Posted by Ria, 15 Dec

Learning to be a submissive when having sex can take your sex life to a whole new level and experience inconceivable sex. Whether its sexual role play or just trying something new to spice things up, if done right, it can really make one explore their sexuality in a safe and enjoyable way. Power is a very strong aphrodisiac… and so is submission and total surrender. And we can see all this from the way the modern culture and Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism – BSDM - books and movies. Well, so long as all this is happening between two consenting adults, I say go for it.

Read on and find out what I learned about submission, bondage and how you can stay safe as you explore the wild side of your sexuality…

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How you can have kinkier sex by learning how to be a submissive in a relationship

I can be quite bossy in the bedroom. So one day, I figured… Why not shake things up a little…? So I decided it was about time to relinquish control sexually. So I started learning to be a submissive in a relationship. And after reading about submission and how to be submissive to a dom, the thought of giving up control got my sexual juices flowing.

The thing is: submission is a very common sexual fantasy. So if you have been thinking about it, you are not weird. One advice I would like to give is, before putting yourself at the mercy of someone, do your research about and learn about dom sub basics.

Studies have shown that couples who have kinky sex tend to have incredible sex. And from my experience, learning to be a submissive opened up a whole new world for me. For me, being ordered around, being tied up and being spanked and coerced to do some stuff gave me such a thrill. We also used to switch things up and I would do the same to my boyfriend and he would really love it.

If you are new to it, don’t go full-on leather and whips. It was a bit hard trying to be someone’s b*tch in bed at first. But after a while, I was surprised just how much I got into it. And believe it or not, if you take it slow, your dude will enjoy it too. My submission made my dude feel like a real man. And it made me feel like a real woman.

Now if your guy isn’t dominating you already, ask him to. When I was learning to be submissive, one thing that was clear is that the lines of communication need to be open. Tell him that you’d like to try something new. Express your desire to be dominated in bed. It doesn’t have to be a huge conversation. Just drop a simple “I’d like to be dominated in bed”.

The one thing I learned about learning to be a submissive in a relationship is that submission is pretty natural for women… especially if you want to be submissive. Trust and willingness to do this are important to submission. Plus, if his idea for kinky sex isn’t your cup of tea do not compromise. Only agree to what works for you.

Power exchange is one of the best dominant submissive ideas I learned. So I once suggested that I tie him up. Plus, it doesn’t have to be the "tying him up" if he is not into it. Asking him not to let go of the headboard turned out to be so much fun for us… and super orgasmic. And you know what, we never get tired of talking about what we are going to try out next or what roles we are going to play next...

Dominant submissive ideas to consider

If you are just learning to be a submissive, as I mentioned earlier, BDSM needs to be consensual. And this is because some of these activities can turn out to be a little risky. Want to be submissive? Here are some of the small-time BDSM activities to start you off as you build up to more kinkier sexual activities.

Using senses to arouse

Spanking, tickling, using ice cubes on your woman's body is a great place to start. Temperature play during oral sex can be very arousing. Allow your partner to either tie your hands to the headboard and let him do you as he pleases. This is called sensory deprivation. The other way to go about it is by being blindfolded. Sensation play can include a little pain like spanking and flogging. Some forms of bondage can be a little painful too.


Here, you act out a role. It's very common and it can involve costumes and props. You could play the role of a landlord and a tenant who has refused to pay rent and needs to be punished by doing anything sexual that the landlord demands. Don't be afraid to act out your fantasies.


Here is when you let your partner have complete control over you. Plus, the power play can be interchangeable. There is pain and humiliation involved with SM. So make sure you read the bondage dos and don'ts. You will be shocked at how much power and pain can be arousing.

Get your strap on

Now, this is the real kink. It happens when the woman wears a strap on and penetrates the dude. This is pure submission on the dude's part and it has to be really consensual. If its the first time you need to consider the size. Let it be soft and small and graduate as you move along. And remember to use a lot of lube and to be as gentle as you possibly can.

    Dom role play tips

    New to a submissive relationship? Well, one thing about role play and these kinds of relationships is that there are no hard rules. In my relationship, when it came to gender, we used to switch the roles. All that we did was make sure that whatever it was that we were getting into, there was mutual consent every step of the way.

    Exploring these new sensations of mixing a little pain and pleasure was satisfying. The control and surrender was just amazing. You need to remember that sometimes, it can really get intense and even dangerous for the sub.

    Here is a list of some dominant and submissive tips that I learned that made our sexual play safer as well as enjoyable for both of us.

    You need to make bondage escapable

    If you have watched BSDM porn, then you probably have come across ‘inescapable’ bondage. Please remember that these are actors. And there is probably a number of times when the word “CUT” was yelled out and the actors took a break. When it’s just you and your partner, ‘inescapable’ bondage is not advisable. In the event that things get too intense or something serious and unexpected happens, the sub should be able to slip out of the restrains with ease. Or the sub should be in a position to reach to the restraints and release themselves. Can you imagine a case of a dom having a heart attack or seizure and the sub can’t call for help? Or you accidentally knock a candle with your kink and it is suddenly ablaze? That can be a recipe for tragedy.

    There needs to be trust between the dom and the sub

    Trust is very important in this kind of relationship. You can’t just decide to ignore the concerns of the sub. The dom needs to show the sub that he really cares about him or her. As Madonna once said, “It’s letting someone hurt you that you know would never hurt you.” The sub should always feel comfortable. And the sub should always trust that when it gets too rough, the dom will stop. Test boundaries with caution especially if you are just learning to be submissive.

    Have a safe word

    When I was learning to be a submissive, one thing that was emphasized on all the articles about BSDM I was reading was “THE SAFE WORD”. This is a word that a sub can call out when things get too overwhelming or too intense to handle, both physically and emotionally. So when the safe word is uttered, it means STOP and session needs to end.

    Now, you have to understand that this needs to be a unique word because when it comes to playing submissive, the unwillingness of the sub is usually part of the role play. So words like “No! Stop” won’t cut it. Saying ‘No’ is normally considered part of BDSM. So get creative and try something odd, like “Blueberry”. And if the play involves gagging, then you should also decide on a “safe gesture “or “safe sound”.

    Never inflict actual damage.

    A small bruise might not be a cause of alarm. But too rough and hurried anal sex can be too much pain for the sub. And besides the pain it can lead to more serious health issues caused by hemorrhoids to anal fissures. The other thing you need to realize as a sub is that if bondage is too tight, it can cut off circulation or even cause tissue death.

    The dom needs to be caring enough to ensure that bound parts aren’t getting numb or cold when touched. One of the submissive tips is when it’s too tight or uncomfortable, speak out. Much as you might want to please the dom, you should also be able to enjoy the experience… not be rushed to hospital in the middle of it all. If you realize that you are getting numb, release the pressure and massage to restore circulation.

    The thing is, submission offers a wide range of new and exciting sexual activities that can get you out of your sex rut and into a whole new level of sexual pleasure. Whether it's trying out kinky acts or it is going full-on BDSM there are several ways to explore and enjoy. Don't limit your sexuality. Go for what works for you.

    Check out more articles on how to let your freak flag fly on Love is All Colors.

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