Racism in the Asian Dating Community

Posted by Ando, 16 Nov

When speaking of Asian dating, the men have really been on the receiving end of racial stereotypes and racist comments. Read my experience and see it how affects us...

Asian racism and interracial dating

asian woman white man

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

To be honest, Asian men are not very high on the interracial dating totem pole. You are more likely to see Asian women dating people of other races, unlike their male counterparts. That notwithstanding, there are lots of Asian men like me, who have taken the plunge and dived into interracial relationships.

When an Asian man dates people of other cultures, so many observers raise their eyebrows at the relationship at best or say some of the meanest, racist things. Sometimes they think its casual racism.

Racism in dating is a problem most people don’t want to talk about. In my experience with Asian dating, these unsolicited questions and comments can either make or destroy the relationship. You need to develop a thick skin and learn to ignore the hate.

How Racism in Dating Affects Asian Males

By daring to find love outside of my race, I unwittingly opened myself up to both admiration and racism. People, especially other Asian men, high-five me and congratulate me on unlocking the ultimate dating level. But there are people who make me sometimes wonder if I want to go through such scrutiny for the rest of my life.

So, how does dating racism affect Asian dating?

People Sometimes Wonder if there is Something Wrong with My White Girlfriend…Ouch!

Because a perfect white woman wouldn’t be attracted to an Asian guy like me, or so they say. When people ask my girlfriend if no one in her race wanted to be with her, they’re indirectly saying that I am undesirable, that I am not first choice material, that I am something the rejects settle for. This is an interracial dating stereotype we need to dispel. It is a real self-esteem killer, and it is hard getting used to these remarks. Dating Asian men can be hard for people of other cultures. There’s no escaping the snide remarks and the racist observations. Asian racism is real!

You Must Be Very Good in Bed!

casual racism

In normal English, this means that I must definitely be a freak in the bedroom, and that’s why the white girl couldn’t tear herself away from me. Racism in dating manifests when people assume that I must be a superhero in bed, and that’s the only way my white girlfriend could have noticed me. This seemingly harmless remark follows the belief that dating Asian men only works when the man in question has supernatural, hard-to-ignore qualities. In other words, she’s out of your league bro, so how on earth did you score her?

I never get carried away. Neither do I fall for the backhanded compliments they toss around.

Do You Hate Your Own Women?

The short answer is no. But in the eye of those who perpetuate Asian dating racism, I am definitely doing this out of a self-hate - the kind that makes me not value the women in my culture. This implies that I know that my own culture is inferior to that of my white girlfriend, hence the reason why I’m going out of my way to attach myself to a woman from a ‘superior’ race.

People who say things like this are sometimes oblivious to their prejudice and Asian racism.

You must be so Proud of Yourself!

This remark is casual racism at its finest! My girlfriend is not a trophy I won. Simple. This scenario is common with Asian men dating white women. But it can be hard for most people to understand that being with someone from a different race is not an upgrade for me. That would imply that my race is lesser than other races.

I mostly get this kind of comments from fellow Asians like me, who think I’m super cool just because I snagged a woman from a race. I can’t claim to know the dating racism facing Asian men dating black women, but I’m sure there are ugly stories there too.

Love is all colors, and no one race is better than the other.

Do Your Parents Approve?

This is one of the most widely held stereotypes about Asian people. Most outsiders see Asian parents as dictators who deliberately raise their children to be subservient. These subservient children, according to this ridiculous interracial dating stereotype, never learn to speak up. As such, the children grow up and marry people hand-picked by their parents.

…Except it really doesn’t happen that way with all interracial relationships featuring Asians.  As with many cultures, Asian parents are usually concerned about the partners their children bring home. This does not mean that they go all out and forbid us from choosing spouses outside our race. Some parents are welcoming and some just aren’t. So, this is not to say that we don’t need any special parental blessing when we venture outside our race in search of love.

How do I go About Starting an Interracial Relationship?

I get this question a lot, and my answer forever remains, “I’m not an expert on intercultural dating.”

Really, just because I happened to fall in love with someone from another culture does not mean that I have become an authority on such matters. Every relationship is unique. And to try to give guidelines for intercultural dating would mean reducing it to a one-size-fits-all thing. It isn’t. And before you take the plunge and start an interracial relationship, you should be ready to face racism in dating

How Will You Raise Your Children?

asian interracial familyThis question implies that our future children will face a catastrophic cultural identity crisis since both parents come from different cultures. When people ask us this, I begin to wonder if they think the children shouldn't be subjected to my own culture because... wait for it... it is the ‘lesser’ one. Asian dating can be exhausting!

To counter this, I make sure to always remind the person that there are lots of beautiful mixed race people everywhere. Hopefully, our children will grow up and appreciate both of our cultures without feeling the need to pick and choose.

How would you feel if the man you are in love with introduces you to his family as just a friend? Well, let me leave you reading the story of a white woman dating an Asian guy who keeps doing just that!

4 responses to "Racism in the Asian Dating Community"

Leave a reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

  1.   Annab2b says:
    Posted: 01 Dec

    Its not often I see an Asian man with a Black or Hispanic woman around the New York metro area unless it’s in reverse ( Asian woman with Caucasian or Black man). I think prejudices and stereotypes have much to do with it more than anything. I came across one individual who confessed that they waited until their parents passed away to start dating who he really preferred. There’s a lot of family pressure to marry someone that is similar in morals, values and faith. I think what’s most important is how the person treats you like a human being. If he or she truly adores you and treat you with the utmost respect then they are the one for you.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  2.   Prismatic says:
    Posted: 25 Nov

    Not gonna lie but I red some of the article and scanned the rest. When I read "People, especially other Asian men, high-five me and congratulate me on unlocking the ultimate dating level" I knew you were dating a white women and most likely blonde with blue eyes. This is usually the perceived ultimate catch by guys dating outside their race. Also based on the writing and imagery used it's obvious your preference is white. So your experience dating interracially only stems from trying to date white women. It limits the scope of your article. A male asian dating a white woman is not surprising to me or shocking. Just a female asian dating a black man or white man isn't surprising. However, a black man dating an asian woman would encounter more criticism and racism then an asian woman dating a white man. I find reading about the experiences of an asian man dating a black, hispanic, indian, middle eastern, or etc. more interesting. Especially if they have children.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  3.   Yebemma says:
    Posted: 23 Nov

    There is high rate of racism in Asia. Black people in Asia are facing a lot of discrimination. It's bad behavior. More to the point they think Africa is one country. This is wrong perception.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  4.   anu1 says:
    Posted: 22 Nov

    I think it all boils down to your personality when it comes to interracial dating and marriage. I am a witness to this phenomenon as I married in a different culture and I am happy without any regrets.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment