Single parents - When do you introduce your kids to a significant other?- Poll

Posted by Ria, 29 Nov

single parents datingThey say taking pleasure in some casual dating or having a social life besides the one you have with your kids is healthy for single parents. But do your children need to know every detail of this “other life” you got going? Well, they don’t. But then again, you need to let them know early enough what plans you have for the future, especially if these plans will affect their lives.

One of the most pressing issues most single parents who have just gone back to the dating world are grappled with is ... when to introduce their children to the men or women they are involved with. But not all relationships will reach the level of commitment that warrants including children into the mix. It could be something casual with a fun loving individual you don’t see a future with. In such a case, it would only be fair not to introduce this person lest your kids get attached to someone who wont be in their lives sooner rather than later.

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But when is the right time to introduce them to a serious love interest?

This website polled its members to find out what they felt to be the perfect time for a single parent to introduce kids to a person that's become important to him or her. According to the results of the poll, out of the 2,475 members who participated, the majority (77%) felt that one should do the intro when there is a ring. 15% of the participants felt that the single parent should introduce this better half right away if the kids already know you've been searching and 8% of the voters felt the best time is after you have known this person for several months.

Well, it’s never easy on kids of single parents when it comes to coping with parent dating. But what might make this process easier is preparing the kids before you even begin dating and letting them know the plans you have for the future. If you’d like to get married some time, tell them that before you ambush them with your significant other.

And when you start dating, its only fair to introduce children if you are in a committed relationship and can imagine this person being a part of your family. This is because once they get attached and the person leaves, it could leave them more devastated than the initial separation or death of a spouse. And whatever time you decide to make the introduction, assure the kids that you love them and that this love interest isn't there to split your affection. Make them realize how committed you are to them and also share your enthusiasm about your significant other. Eventually if this person makes you happy and they see it, they will be happy to have him or her in their lives too.

4 responses to "Single parents - When do you introduce your kids to a significant other?- Poll"

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  1.   cidney says:
    Posted: 26 Dec 10

    I have been divorced for 3 years and this is something I struggle with and think about constantly.... On one hand, waiting for the permanance of marriage seems like the appropriate thing to do.... But if you are divorced, you are realistic..... You also realize, what if my child just doesn't like this person.... Do I selfishly go through with the marriage, not giving him/her time to adjust? Do I ignore the signs and intuitions of my child? You know they do say kids can really see through people..... On the other hand, introductions in the "serious" dating stage is a great way to see if everyone clicks.... But if you are divorced, you are realistic.... You also realize, what if its too soon and my child gets attached and we break up..... What if my potential mate realizes this may be too much for him.... Do I hold out on the introductions to make sure I get my cake and eat it too no matter the cost? This is probably the hardest part of dating.... I have only had one "serious" dating relationship since divorcing 3 years ago.... I did not introduce that person to my 2 daughters (they are now 18, off to college and 10, still at home).... However, children know you and they know when something new is happening in your life.... Ahhhh.... The joys of parenting....

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  2.   kissime says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 10

    Hello to all of the parents. Check out your local public library for hit programs. Preschool stories are so much fun for your little ones. Family films are also great to spend time together at the library...and also, if you haven't, Santa Claus should still be taking wishes. So have your children write a list & mail it to Santa (if you're into that kind of stuff) This year I predict Santa will give my little guy a chest game. But he's getting a drum set & harmonica from mommy :) Hey, I can't let the jolly guy in a red suit get all of the credit ;) Mommy worked hard for that drum set. Happy Hanukkah~ Merry Christmas~ Happy Kwanzaa~ Happy Solstice Sincerely & Lovingly, Kissime

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  3.   kissime says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 10

    That's a very tough question for me to answer. But I'm thinking after we're engage-that way they would get a chance to get to know each other because weddings usually takes about a year to arrange. But then again, I wouldn't want my son to feel like every thing came all at once...Oh gosh! whats a girl to do? My mom dated her husband for 10 years & we knew nothing of him until they were getting married. She invited us to the wedding-which was a destination wedding. We were so freaking surprise...What the heck? Think God 2 of us were older. But my younger sister which is 14 years younger than me had a hard time adjusting. I guess I really can't answer that question :) But as Friendly13 wrote, if it doesn't work out- the children hurt the most. And I'm just so afraid to put my baby through that again...being divorced already.

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  4.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    Well, I think it depends. In my opinion, I think just before the wedding rehersal. This way they don't have to feel any pain from a typical girlfriend boyfriend breakup situation. The last break up I had was mutual between me and my boyfriend. But my kids hated it. They were like...Mom I wish you and so and so could still be friends why don't you call him over. I learned that even good break ups still cause a little disappointment with the kids who weren't as involved. But they develop platonic connections that are not as easily broken. Over a year has gone by and they still try to remind me about how much fun we all had together. My opinion and my experience.

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