The passive victims of domestic violence
You don’t necessarily have to be on the receiving end to qualify as a victim.
Mercy, 34, grew up witnessing domestic violence. Her parents were very physical. When her dad left when she was around 7, it didn’t take long before mommy met abusive partner No.2.
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Mercy’s step father was not only a physical abuser, but also an emotional one and a philanderer. He would bring his girlfriends to crash at their place. That is how low he thought of her mother and when her mum protested, he would hit her in front of his women. The final straw came when mom drew a knife on one of his women and she finally left.
Looking back, Mercy explains how vicious the cycle of domestic violence is … especially to those who witness it in their homes. Her mum’s dad (grandpa) was both an alcoholic and an extremely violent man. And what her mum was doing all along was seeking such men in a bid to try and ‘fix’ them. Problem is, she ended up being the one getting fixed with fists.
Mercy started dating at 19 and most of her relationships were full of drama. She always looked for the bad boyz because she always wondered: why would a nice man want me? Her sister also got married to a man very much like her father, even after the mum tried to talk her out of it. She dumped him after 6 months of abuse and luckily, no children were involved to pick up on their violent marriage.
The point is; children have a way of looking up to their parents … relationships included. And as they grow up into adults, they end up believing that that is how relationships between spouses should be. Most adults who were exposed to violence as children, often end up as victims or perpetrators because that is the life they know. If you are in a violent relationship, then the time to walk away is now because once the children come, you will pass the violence on to them and end up screwing their future relationships.
Domestic violence is a vicious cycle and breaking it starts with you. Abusive relationships can sap your strength and erode your self esteem. But not if you take your life back in your hands and grab your freedom. You don’t want your children growing up thinking its ok to be beaten by a spouse or beat up a spouse. GET OUT NOW! Don’t make them passive victims.
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9 responses to "The passive victims of domestic violence"
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dolly48 says:Posted: 28 Jul 09
Recently a woman in our circles was murdered along with her two sons in the DC area (I know: This could have been Anytown, USA) She was living with this man and had a child with him. He always was abusing her kids, until he MURDERED them. Listen people, please dont let anyone abuse your children mentally or physically. Throw them out, and press charges!
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WHURR says:Posted: 18 Jul 09The rule of thumb for dating should be...keep your kids OUT of it unless a ring going on that finger. Plain and simple!! You meet my kids...you might as well be checking your calendar and have a date in mind!
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fkoi says:Posted: 23 Jun 09Starthai, that is really wise. The reasons for not introducing our child to someone we barely know are many and solid. The only reason I can think to do so is self-serving and has no place in establishing a relationship. Part of our job is to protect them as best we can. One way to do that is to keep them out of the dating game until we have gotten to know the person we are dating. Of course since my kids are both grown and in fairly stable relationships, maybe they should be protecting me. LOL
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homesteader says:Posted: 14 Jun 09True Love knows no Abuse , Grown Individuals are Smarter than to Act like that .
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starthai says:Posted: 13 Jun 09This is why I wouldn't ever introduce someone I'm dating to my child too early. I have a 6 month to 1 year rule or longer and that's only if I see it going somewhere. It's best to get to know the person your dating and pay close attention to their actions, especially if you have a child. Children are too precious.
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fkoi says:Posted: 12 Jun 09
That should have opened, "Just like everything else..." Where the heck is my editor?!
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fkoi says:Posted: 12 Jun 09
That should have opened, "As in everything else..."
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fkoi says:Posted: 11 Jun 09
As in every other way, kids learn about relationships from their parents and/or parental figures. As much as we might want to make entertainment/sports figures into role models, the real modeling is over by the time children are 5 some even say 2 1/2. It is so important that children's early experiences are the one's we hope will be with them for their entire lives. If we want to break the cycle of abuse, it is important that we model the behavior we want them to display later in life. Start young and keep reinforcing it. They are the innocent victims of abuse.
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i have family members who have been in domestic abuse. i have witness it myself, and just the thought of it make my blood run cold. i always feel sometime that i will end up like them, so relationship is just scary