Are the men or women in your life the wrong type? Do you always find yourself in the so-called destructive relationships? Destructive relationships don’t have to be -and usually aren’t- physically abusive. They are the common unhealthy relationships and usually its like once are in one, you find yourself in a string of other destructive ones. It’s like there are usually other toxic people waiting in line to take a shot at you.
But have you ever considered that you could be contributing to the situation?
The Law of Attraction is a simple law of quantum physics… you will attract into your life that upon which you focus. ‘If you look at life and see positive, happy things then you will attract more of that positive energy into your life. When you look at life and see negative, unhappy things everywhere, then guess what? You are going to attract more ugliness into your life.’
“Why can’t I have a normal boyfriend (or girlfriend)?” If you always find yourself in relationships where you are constantly disappointed and lied to, then take a moment and think… What is it about you that brings dishonorable people into your life?
But no one ever wants misfortune to befall them. I totally agree. Am not blaming anyone. The thing is we find ourselves always clinging onto these relationships simply because we can’t imagine being on our own. These are relationships for the dependent and the needy. And once you jump out of one messy relationship, you don’t give yourself time to heal … you meet someone and jump straight into bed with them without even getting to know them and within no time, you are in another destructive relationship.
People, it’s a vicious cycle friends. Slow down… take that break… be on your own… discover who you are. And while making this discovery and someone happens to walk on by, get time to know them. Let’s stop fast forwarding the bonding process by jumping into bed too soon. Its time to break that cycle!!!
Tags: relationships, interracial dating site, dating
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Comment by Maureen on 5 June 2007:
My advice to anybody there who has a destructive relationship is that don’t stay in a toxic relationship. Life’s too short to stay stressed
24/7.
Comment by Cocokisses on 6 June 2007:
If it starts out with arguments over petty things, that’s your cue to leave. We should all be smart enough to leave before we get attached. Trust me, if it starts out bad, it will end up worse.
Comment by Cocokisses on 6 June 2007:
If it starts out with arguments over petty things, that’s your cue to leave. We should all be smart enough to leave before we get attached. Trust me, if it starts out bad, it will end up worse.
Comment by Maureen on 6 June 2007:
I am interested in making an exchange link with you. Would you agree to that?
Comment by Fredric on 6 June 2007:
Enjoying the site. Will be adding it to our project, rsspect.org.
We also have a few ‘relationship’ posts over at the young black professional guide. Check ‘em out.
Comment by Brian on 6 June 2007:
I believe this article calls for some serious self-evaluation. I once heard someone say “People will often imitate how you view yourself.” With that in mind, your actions normally tell the story. While a woman may dress herself in that provocative “knock ‘em dead” outfit, it may serve as a repellant to a gentleman of quality - who interprets her choice of fashion as an outcry of desperation or a communication of inner turmoil. Why do I say this?Well… I consider myself a man of quality ;O)
Comment by mossimo on 6 June 2007:
I agree completely. I mean why can’t my exes figure out that it was their fault when they look in the mirror.
Seriously, a little self evaluation never hurt anyone. Am lucky that I took a look at those patterns in my life.
Comment by fala on 6 June 2007:
Good advice Mossimo, on both points.
Comment by Maureen on 7 June 2007:
-Fredric?
Comment by laugh_sailor on 8 June 2007:
While I’m a strong proponent of the Law of Attraction, it has nothing to do with the stunningly complex, hotly debated and incompletely understood world of quantum physics. It is a social construct that works well. I’d say that much of the beauty of the Law of Attraction is its’ simplicity and effectiveness and am very glad you enlighten and remind us about it, Ria - Thanks!
Comment by mossimo on 10 June 2007:
Is this interracial dating or physics class? Perhaps both in one….trying to figure out how Boyle’s Law fits into this equation.
Fala???
Comment by Cocokisses on 15 June 2007:
Excellent points here! Thanks to all!
Comment by laugh_sailor on 17 June 2007:
My entirely unscientific application of Boyle’s Law to destructive relationships:
Boyle’s Law, showing the relationship between pressure and volume as a constant (PV=k) shows us how being pressured in a relationship makes us retreat from it, taking up less space and contributing less to it, upsetting the balance of support. As this space is evacuated, the destructive person takes up more space, until the relationship is dominated by that destructive person and eventually the pressure becomes too much for the subservient one, causing an explosion and the end of the relationship.
Comment by fala on 18 June 2007:
Interesting take on relationships and an brilliant application of Boyle’s Law laugh_sailor.
Comment by Jeff2555 on 19 June 2007:
What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me,
Don’t hurt me,
No more.
Wait. That’s from a song I’ve heard.
Never mind.
-Jeff
Comment by ladylight on 21 June 2007:
Hello there,
Shuffling my feet underneath the desk:”was this article written for me?” Sounds so much like me. I have a thing for “rough” men, ahem. Always wanted to change them into romantic creatures inline with their inner feelings, expected them to understand this woman. Untill I came across some serious selfreflection. The one who needed change was me. WHat the hell was I thinking wanting to change others? After being single for 2 years I came across this man 2 weeks ago,who was very clear about wanting to change me, ahem, never reached to door that fast. LOL, gotten a piece of my own pie. So now being single for a day it is just fate to read this article haha!
Comment by Jeff2555 on 22 June 2007:
It’s all about trust, IMO. I mean, when you find yourself censoring or filtering what you say to that person, essentially the relationship is over.
If you can’t say pretty much what you want, when you want, how you want…then something is seriously wrong with the chemistry and meeting of the minds, because what you are experiencing is the self censorship that comes with a compromised trust-you aren’t trusting the other person with your values, opinions, thoughts.
Comment by laugh_sailor on 23 June 2007:
ladylight: Congratulations and I wish you a wonderfully understanding and accepting romance!
Jeff: You couldn’t have spoken more cogently and eloquently.
Comment by Thomas on 6 July 2007:
It’s not worth to stay in a destructive relationship. Both of them will be nerver happy. Therefore I think it is better to separate and looking forward because we have just one life and that should be happy.
Comment by sonu786 on 7 July 2007:
Excellent discuse and nice points for all,,,,,,,,,,,what you think .QuartKn33.
Comment by Shirin on 3 August 2007:
Sometimes it is SO hard to step away from a destructive relationship because one really, really cares about the other person or is very strongly attracted to him/her, and in one’s fervor to believe in the relationship, one may think, “Well, maybe if (s)he were just a little bit different in this way, things would work out…”
Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the basic problem with destructive relationships is this: People never change. It’s not human nature for our fundamental personalities to change.
… The good news, though, is that when you finally find that great relationship based on fundamental character compatibility, the bond formed should be strong enough to last forever.
Comment by Cindie on 11 September 2007:
Very insightful comments, especially from Jeff.