For those young couples out there starting life together, do you imagine your relationship will get easier as you age? Well apparently, the reality can be rather different.
Matrimonial relationships which have held together through the strains of raising a family and coping with work commitments may find themselves breaking down when the new stresses of an ‘empty nest’ and adjusting to retirement strikes. Some may also be dealing with the loss of a lifelong companion through illness or accident.
Most of those who decide to look for a new partner can be daunted by the thought of getting “out there� again!
Bob, (who is 75 was married for 40 years before losing his wife to cancer) has had a couple of relationships since and he is very good with meeting people. However, he has one major problem… guilt over the memory of his marriage. “I really believe in intimacy and in the joy of meeting someone you’re compatible with. I’m not ready to give up on that just yet.â€?
There is an increasing number of people who are finding themselves single again in later life… and the continuing desire for companionship is echoed. More and more people in the over-50s age group are getting divorced than ever before.
According to a survey for Saga magazine the main reasons the +50 couples split up was the sudden realization that they had spent years focusing on parenting at the expense of being partners hence they end up re-evaluation what they want for the rest of their lives. “Years ago when people got to their fifties they’d start thinking it was pipe and slippers time,� says relationship counselor Paula Hall. “But increasing longevity means people have more time up their sleeves now, and they’re thinking more about what they really want to do with that time.�
Many older people are dating, travelling, returning to college or continuing their careers. It’s like once you hit 50+ years old it’s suddenly the time to enjoy life to the full, meet new people and have new relationships. Its all about having a positive approach to life.
Divorce later in life, however, may lead to increased isolation. Much as the opportunities for fresh starts and adventures seem endless for some, others find their options quite limited. And health is the great determinant between those who cope well and those who end up miserable.
Online dating has been a savior though as it is one avenue older people are exploring to jump-start a later love life. People who are 50 these days are acting like they are 40. However most women often that it gets much harder to find a partner once they have turned 60 and that feeling of rejection is particularly painful, especially after the loss of a lifelong partner or a divorce. A lil’ patience and having realistic expectations is vital. We all knowl love doesn’t come at the snap of fingers even for the younger generation. And having seen it all before (well… almost all), the +50 individuals can be picky too.
According to research, men who are more sexually active actually live longer. “Hormones are released during sex… men who have sex twice a week live longer than those who have sex once a month or less”, says Dr Sarah Brewer, author of Intimate Relations: Living and Loving in Later Life. So what about women? “In women, it can fight the effects of menopause and reduce wrinkling.â€? Well its not just sex that helps… any form of intimacy just about does it.
Do you think dating in your fifties is much harder in comparison to dating earlier? Being wiser, more independant should make it easier don’t you think? So what could be the potential pitfalls?
Tags: love after 50, interracial dating site, black dating site
Popularity: 7% [?]
Comment by tom on 15 October 2007:
I just turned 51 and have been divorced for a few years trying to jump back into the dating scene but have found im a little rusty at it.
Comment by fala on 15 October 2007:
With people living as long as they do these days, 50 isn’t as old as it used to be.
Comment by Sammy_D_Luv on 15 October 2007:
At 54 an divorced in 2002 after 13 years–it realy isn’t easy for some of us,more picky,and more guarded in many ways.
Finding somone that has most or many of the same intrest seems hard.And some of us want more then just sex-like communication-a friend-a companion to go and do things with if only doing things together around the house.
Don’t get me wrong-sex is/can be great but it’s not everything and that fades if there’s nothing else there-and that to me is as frustrating as not having sex lol
Realy tired of talking to myself lol
Shame when ya can’t even get a good convo with yaself lol
Comment by cocokisses on 17 October 2007:
Tom, just keep practicing. It’s like riding a bike
Once you get the hang of it, you never forget how to do it 
Good luck out there!
Comment by Darklicious on 18 October 2007:
At the tender age of 51 and being married since the age of 19, I am now out here trying to get back into the dating scene and it’s so very different. I am a little scared because I haven’t been in this situation in a long time, yet I am looking forward to the challenge. I have changed in many ways as I have decided to try the interracial dating to give me more of a variety and also to date younger men. I am now experiencing a whole new life because my children(3) are all grown so now it’s time for focusing on me and what I want to do with the rest of my young life.
Comment by cocokisses on 20 October 2007:
Dark, good luck and be careful out there. I know this site has a lot of good women, but there are also those out there who prey upon the new fols. Just take your time, and don’t rush into anything to fast. I am sure once you start dating again, you won’t have any problems.
Comment by Cindie on 22 October 2007:
Dating after 50 is DIFFICULT…..It is very different, Darklicious, and depending upon where you live, sometimes the choices aren’t all that great! The older people get, the more “baggage” they seem to carry; just be watchful of that, because you are experiencing a “whole new” life. Good luck to you, and to all of us “over-50’s” who are looking for a partner.
Comment by kmlsaad on 24 October 2007:
love is make mircale
Comment by Precious52 on 25 October 2007:
I think that dating after 50 is great. We have a bit more incite into the kind of person we are looking for, we tend not to settle for less than what we want in a relationship. Most of us have grown children, so we don’t have the extra added weight of trying to find someone that will be compatible (and safe) to have our children around. I think that at this age most of us are past the game playing stage and really are looking to find our true life partner.
Comment by Nick Carter on 28 October 2007:
It’s harder to meet suitable partners after 50, for me anyway. At least the venues have had to change. If you are in your mid-40’s to 50’s and still trying your luck at the local pub, you are probably hitting on folks who could be you children’s age and that usually ain’t pretty.
Of course if I had all the answers to how and where to meet the next love of my life, and hopefully the last one, I probably wouldn’t be on this site.
I’m learning to date in the cyber-age and that is something new for me. I haven’t needed to cancel my subscription so I haven’t gotten the hang of it just yet but hope springs eternal
Comment by hoganfan on 28 October 2007:
I am trying at 46 to start over! Hopefully by 50…lol…I will have found that special person!
Comment by vt33 on 29 October 2007:
I just really read this blog. I wasn’t going to leave a thought, because I don’t really have anything to contribute to it I am not yet 50. Yet, I notice two things about the blogs left.
No one has mentioned the fact, that men who are 50+ and do decide to “get back out there”, don’t generally go for a woman who is near to his age. It seems they are pushing for women younger(give or take 20 years).
Also, the fact that women who are in their 50’s and are trying to “get back out there”, have a more difficult time, with it. Let’s face it we are in the world of botox and reslyn. A lot of women in their 40’s dont’ look it. Most women in their 50’s don’t start making the Barbie Dr. a priority on their to do list. That sort of puts a slump in it for women in their 50’s.
Lets be real folks, there is no Clayton Farlow and Ellie Ewing, romance. I have seen older singles meet in the gym. I thought that was way cool, but the fact of the matter is, the old dudes, would hook up with the women who were in their 50’s get some nookie. Come back to the gym and try to get his jollies with a girl like 20 years his junior. The sad part was, me and other members notice, somthing with the older couple, and thought it was cute, then we saw the after math. YIKES!
Same scenarios on the walking paths of America, old dudes and dudettes out walking, getting to know each other, go out on a couple of dates. Boom, get some butt. Poof, old dude is out chasing smoother, and tighter bottoms on the walking path again.
Truth be told, it seems old dudes who have been married, and are either widow or divorced. They are not really looking for a lasting relationship, it’s like in the back of their mind, they have already lived that part of themselves. It’s like now I need to recapture what I missed out on being married.
Men in their 50’s should search for women in their same age group. It is tough for people my age to find someone who is disease free, lie free, and hell plain ole free. Women in their 50’s cook better, laudnry smells and looks better, clean homes, organization, finacial stablity. Also from what I hear in the beauty parlor, they like to sexy a man to death.
50’s folks shouldn’t be looking for the love of their life. At that age, you should have already found that part of yourself, and if you find yourself by yourself, then that part of you is over. It is time for you to explore another part of you, finding, the person who fits with who you are today. Finding a partner at 50 isn’t hard, it takes a child like mentality, you have a favorite toy, it has comforted you throught good and bad, stable, always around, never let you down, and poof one day its gone, never to be found again. All you have to do it remember what you have, mourn the lost, and open the window on a new adventure.
such a killjoy I am..till the next episode..I’m out!
Comment by alison on 3 November 2007:
I’m 56 and widowed and actually found love without even looking. I met a man at Starbucks and he asked me out but I made him wait to go out since I didn’t feel ready at the time. Although, I was so comfortable in my marriage and miss that, this new person in my life is so much more compatible. He is 52 and divorced with a teenage son. Its been just over a year now that we’ve been together. We talk every day and are together a couple days a week. The sex is absolutely wonderful too. Taking it slow is definitely the way to go for us. We’ve both been in marriages and too old for kids so there’s no pressure to jump into another marriage. I do wish he would open up more emotionally. The actions are there to tell me he really cares–he also makes dinner for me as I do for him, brings flowers, little gifts–its truly wonderful–but still no “I love you.” My husband always told me he loved me and I really yearn for that. I’m hoping he will be able to verbalize his feelings more in time but I definitely feel blessed to have a great guy in my life.
Comment by Honee on 4 November 2007:
What ever you concentrate on or think about you bring into your life. No matter what age you are. That includes love. Now they’re saying not fifty but sixty is the new forty. If you keep your health and our generation seems to be a hell of allot better at that than the present generation. Mind you we didn’t have all the crap to tempt us and make us 300 pounds in the fifty’s and sixty’s either. Anyway age is no barrier to passion people - there’s no expiry date on desire or attractiveness. I think the phrase that keeps me up most days comes from the French, who have always valued older women - In Montreal they say when a woman is 25 and she’s not beautiful - That’s Gods fault but if she’s 55 and she’s not beautiful that’s her own fault. And that way of thinking comes from the faultless French reasoning that says we find out what looks best on us and how to properly keep up our own easthetics by experience and that takes time. It also reasons that beauty is available to the average woman if she puts in the effort. As far as the old guy chasing the young woman, let me say here and now, the young women don’t find old guys all that attractive. As an older woman I don’t gravitate towards younger men - I prefer my own generation and I’d be willing to bet so do most men. There may be a few odd balls out there that think they can hussle a 27 year old but in most cases she’s looking for a man in his early 30’s, not some guy with arthritic knees and a swollen prostate. Just like women have health issues - so do men. Better to share them with a peer than try and explain them to a person who won’t see the problem for another thirty years. Anyway Good Luck to everybody.
Comment by kingacer on 5 November 2007:
im 54 and single been looking for the right lady and its very hard i fine ,will i ever find true love again i hope so
Comment by zulugoddess on 6 November 2007:
I am 45 and very much single. My kids are all grown up and am truly ready for a serious relationship but no love hasn’t found me. I can understand everything that has been shared by others, age can be totally against you
Comment by Eva Joseph on 6 November 2007:
I have 3 serious relationship,with one man i was engaged but our future was not good so i brokeup. For me the look is not important and i am not dificult person,i dont want too much but every time my love go down.i want to beleive in love but i am very disapointed and i dont know that is just for a cople of month or than come goood friendship whit sex.
On the wedding party of one of my friends, she let me try online relationship. I knew InterracialFriends.com from her. After i complete to create my personal profle, i searched out many great serious single man in my city. I choose 35 men from them and send messages to them. Two days later, I received over 30 feedbacks from them. It make me happy. Two months later, I met my present boyfriend, Jack. He is a real good man to marry. Here i want to let all alone single know that you can be happier if you got a true love. Thanks all kind friends of mine.
Comment by ethereal99 on 6 November 2007:
First off, respect to all. But pleeeeeze! I’m 52 & attracted to ladies in their late 20’s to early 60’s. This is a great time. I really take care of myself mentally & physically & feel like I’m still 18. No swollen prostate here! Also: No need to hustle younger women, if there is a mutual interest we’ll go out & take it from there. It is really an individual thing, just think of all the people you know, we all age differently. 50 is the new 20…. I can outrun your 18 year old son & your 35 year old ex-boyfriend! Hopefully I won’t have to. The only problem that I see with dating younger women is that I will be in my 70’s in 20 years & they’ll still be, well, younger. Please note: my preference is not for younger women, it’s just that there are more available that are under 50 than over 50. I find dating to be very easy at 50+ as more people are open minded today. You just have to get out there & I don’t mean just clubs. You can meet someone at restaurants, parks, library, stores, c’mon now, didn’t you ever make eye contact with someone at Wal-Mart? Then there are wonderful sites such as AR. As far as pitfalls, I can see a 50+ partner rushing into marriage because of age. That’s about it. All the Best !!!
Comment by Nick Carter on 6 November 2007:
I find for myself that my past patterns, my past doubts and my past mistakes have all held me back in finding “true” love in the present. I know that it is all about letting go of the past and moving toward the future but anyone who can look at themselves and say, “Oh that’s easy. Just do it (sorry Nike),” well, they aren’t me. I have to take a serious look at myself and try to see what I’m doing to prevent me from finding “the one” and then taking steps to eliminate those reasons (or “excuses”).
Certainly I’m not meeting “age-appropriate” women in the same ways I did when I was 20 (whatever “age-appropriate” means exactly). And I don’t want to. For me, hanging out in bars and meeting other barflies is not a good formula to meet women who are emotionally available. Maybe I don’t find as many potential partners as I once did because they are not getting out and being seen as much as they once did. Definitely part of it is because I am not.
Then there is the physical appeal part of attraction. I work hard on my appearance. I’m no metrosexual, but I exercise, watch my diet, wear attractive clothing that looks good on me, and generally pay attention to my appearance. In a new commercial featuring a certain QB from Indiana, he says that if you want rock hard abs and you are out of your 20s and not a professional athlete, forget about it. Just wear larger shirts.
That’s not good enough! I can’t have the bod of a teenager and I’m not getting paid to be in shape. But I can devote some time to it. And I can devote energy into looking good, not just put on a fresh coat of paint. I find that the pool of potential partners who spend the same amount of time and energy trying to look their best is a lot smaller.
Looks aren’t everything, not by a long shot. But showing the respect for oneself to take care of your “temple” no matter what age, says something about your overall personality and view of yourself. Or maybe we all should just get larger shirts.
Comment by Sharon on 21 December 2007:
Being 55 and single, I think I qualify to comment on this….
I think that dating is harder…not being a child or a virgin…I find many issues that I did not have before…one being STD rates! YIPES that is a scary fact!!!
There are more women then men…I bet it is more like 2 or 3 to one.
And then there is the fact that we have become creatures of habit.
Living with ANYONE is not easy.
I am still looking for the arms of my angel…it has been a year now but I have not given up…I know he is out there and when the time is right I will find him or him me.
Good luck in your search Baby Boomers.
Southen Smiles and world peace,
Sharon
Comment by Jade74 on 29 December 2007:
Dating in your 50’s is very different than when you are younger.In some ways it’s not easy for the women,but not so much with the men.Most men in their 40’s- 50’s age range are looking for someone younger to date.We are more mature and know what we will tolerate in relationships and life.
Comment by HereIamBaby on 21 February 2008:
I can only speak for me…
It is harder because now we know what we are actually looking for…
Southern smiles,
Sharon
Comment by outpass35 on 12 March 2008:
To some point I can agree with the people who say men are picking younger women when I married my second husband he was much older than me I said to myself older maybe be better now at 36 and he just turn 60 in january for me older in this case was not better this time but I would give it a try dating a man that is way older.
Comment by Liquidcaramel on 23 March 2008:
To Kingacer;
I have always held a certain attraction for Mature white men,,there strengths are many, confidence, well read and travelled. Most are understanding, interesting,and surprisingly erotic. What’ most important is to develop a friendship. Always treat each other with a certain level of respect and caring.Usually the passionate mind blowing “God is good to be fifty plus ” SEX will OCCUR.
Comment by Jade74 on 24 March 2008:
Amen & ^5 to HereIamBaby…..we know what we want or don’t want or willing to accept or settle for whatever comes..Step it up or move on……
Comment by LadyK on 5 April 2008:
I am not sure why finding love at 50 would be difficult. I am 41, however, I date a man that is 50. He is nothing like the guys my age or younger are. He is much more setteled and made it no secret that he wants us totally committed to each other. He treats me like a queen and always tries to look his best for me. He is not the best looking man in the world, but his personality and his genuine friendship has made me fall head over heals for him. For the first time in my life I have a man that is actually “courting” me. I would tell every woman I know that’s at least 38+ to look for a man 50+. They are the best. Also, sexually, he is the best that I have ever had! From this experience, I realize that most men actually grow up at 50. I wish everyone can find happiness as I have.
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When she see’s people she knows she runs and hides with the black man she is with. If I was this man I would leave. She has a best friend that is he race she flirts with and everybody in our town says they belong together.
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Comment by badger_55 on 1 November 2008:
I’m a 53 yr old singe w f and have found no lack of men my age who are desperately seeking women their age. My problem is that I am overweight, have bad knees and have a chalenge keeping up with most of them. Also, most of them can’t get past my very honest picture of myself. Lots of people my age are incredibly picky or focused on what they are looking for, as am I. I insist on being treated very well. If I’m not treated with respect, I’m done and go on.
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Comment by VA_SongBird on 21 February 2009:
I’m not quite 50, but I would think the challenge is almost the same for anyone over 40. But, I think you do have experience on your side at that age and you should know what you want and your tolerance level for certain things.
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Comment by Orashi on 25 April 2009:
Alison,
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Comment by BEAU on 13 October 2009:
IVE READ WHAT YOU LADIES HAVE SAID AND I AGREE WITH IT .ID LIKE TO THINK THAT THERES SOME ONE FOR EVERYONE ,FOR ME IT DOESNT MATTER THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN ITS HOW YOU TREAT ME . IM 50 AND I STILL LOVE SPRING RAIN A RIDE ON MY BIKE ,READ A GOOD BOOK BE AROUND PLEASENT PEOPLE . SPEAKING FOR MYSELF ,IM NOT LOOKING FOR A YOUNG LADY TO MANY PROBLEMS ,IM LOOKING FOR SOME WHO STILL LOVES LIFE AND KNOWS HOW SHE WANTS TO BE TREATED AND HOW TO TREAT THE MAN IN HER LIFE .