I’m always blogging about how White guys are getting the hot Asian women… but lets not forget Black guys dating White women.
Black woman-Asian man couples are like considered rare in the US… sometimes even ridiculed as poor matches by whites, blacks and Asians alike. Is this combo freakish as some people who have never seen such a couple put it?
One thing that made me sit and think for a moment is… “Are there fewer white men that are willing to date black women… and even fewer white women willing to date Asian men?” It’s like Black women and Asian men are being left on the sideline when it comes to the interracial dating game. So why is this? Following what most people say, would I be right to conclude that most Black women and Asian men probably aren’t interested in dating outside of their own race?
I believe when people finally get over their rigidity and put a human face to black woman-Asian man relationships eventually they will respect this combo as much as most Americans accept and even laud some other types of interracial unions.
Well I think this would be one viable option to consider in interracial dating… Black women and Asian men should start dating each other more. What do you make of it?
Tags: black women black men, black dating site, interracial dating site
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Comment by ROXY on 10 November 2008:
I am currently dating two men: I have an open relationship with an African-American Man and a Filipino Man…they both know of each other and they are okay with it. I am a virigin and these 2 men are the only ones that I want to have sex with when I am ready…I am an African-American Female…
A person made a comment about Asian Men being small; Well not all Asian Men are small. My lover who is Filipino is HUGE; I am almost afraid to do it with him (lol) and my African-American boyfriend is a nice size too!
I am crazy about them both! They are both sexy, passionate and loving. I will loose my virginity with my African-American boyfriend first because I have been with him much longer and we are building a business together!
Comment by Roxy on 10 November 2008:
I am an African-American Female and I have two men in my life: An African-American and Filipino Male.
A person made a comment about Asian Men being small; I don’t know about all Asian Men BUT my Filipino Lover is HUGE; my African-American boyfriend is a nice size too!
Comment by Kiara on 11 November 2008:
What the hell, Roxy, you plan to sleep with both men eventually? lol
Black women will never have a good place unless the majority stop acting like vulgar, ghetto idiots, until then, all black women are going to fall into that category and no one will want us. It’s not the colour of our skin alone, it’s the rotten attitude at times.
Now I must point out that I’m not saying all black women are vulgar and ghetto but most media roles protray us as such and in real life, the girls and women that demonstrate and create a scene are usually the black ones and that’s one of the reasons they are undesirable. No one wants to be with a woman who nags or jumps off at every little mistake made.
Comment by Roxy on 11 November 2008:
Hi Kiara,
What can I say? I’ve never been with anyone really and these two men turn me on in the worse way!
I am thankful that I am not ghetto and I am happy that these two wonderful men are in my life…
I can’t resist them!
Comment by Poshcli on 16 November 2008:
I think that the big difference with whether or not an Aian man will date a black woman has a lot to do with his familial ties and expectations, as well as, funny as the may sound, geography. Most Asians tend to disdain and look down upon African Americans (AA) and AA culture, they do however make the distinction between AA, Africans and West Indians(Caribbean), while the consider AAs Black, they don’t consider africans and west indians black. My husband is Asian, his college roommate was west indian and his parents don’t consider him black, their specific words upon meeting him were something like “he’s not black, I thought you said he was black?”. His girlfriend before me was AA and his parents had a fit!! I’m west indian, and they have absolutely no problem with me at all. They feel like the culture that I’m from and their own is more similar and family oriented than that of AA’s, and so while I’m not the asian daughter in law they expected, they accept me more easily than than they would an AA daughter in law.
Comment by Roxy on 18 November 2008:
I know you have your opinion Poshcli but you are generalizing and the person who says that a West Indian is not Black is full of shyt! You may not be a Black Person from America but you are definitely Black and share the fact that BOTH Groups of people were brought over on Slave Ships…It’s sick to say that someone is more than Black when they are clearly Black. WTF is that?!
The Asians that I associate with (Mostly Filipino and Chinese) love the hell out of some Black AA Women, they love our culture (mostly Hip-Hop), our hair styles, our music (mostly rap), when I visited China, the men were throwing themselves at me and their undergroud party places were fun and they played
Black Music be it rap, house, R&B…
I have two Chinese Male Friends that met and married two Black Women from the West-Side of Chicago; I have friends who’s Grandfather’s are Chinese and Grandmother’s are Black and they look Afro-Asian.
What you are saying is cool BUT I am glad I can speak on behalf of Asian Men that genuinely love Black Women and they love the Black Culture and Black Experience with everything that involves being Black.
My friends admire me, they don’t look down on me!
*Filipino Men (The Best looking Asian Men in my Opinion)LOVE Black Women like CRAZY!
Comment by HK Dude on 22 November 2008:
I want to say firstly that as a Chinese-American male, I have ALWAYS been attracted to women of color. The proverbial “one that got away” for me was a beautiful Black goddess who I was madly in love with and to this day still gets my heart racing and makes me wistful as to what could have been (in that particular situation, I was ready for a serious relationship but she was not).
From my personal experience – and consistent with what some others have mentioned here – I think that the challenge that many Asian males (from what are traditionally considered the “Far East Asian” cultures of China, Korea, and Japan) have in dating and being with non-Asian women (not just Black females) is principally tied to immigrant parents - especially if they lived with and grew up with large extended families and in typical immigrant communities (such as Chinatowns or Koreatowns).
Without going into a long-winded dissertation on “immigrant life and experiences” – I will just say that a primary barrier that Asian men have in dating non-Asian women are based primarily on the fear and guilt of their 1st generation immigrant parents rather than outright racism or prejudice (although I know that there is a fair amount of that also within the Asian community). This fear and guilt is based upon the parent’s fear that their rapidly assimilating children have no use for their (the parent’s) traditional cultural heritage and consequently, there is a heavy guilt on their part that they should not have let that happen so they often times become super traditional and insist that the children only stay within the race if nothing else. Having said all this, I have observed that these attitudes are really no different than those of other immigrants – including those from Europe during the 1800’s and 1900’s – and I believe that these attitudes tend to subside after the initial first generation.
I think there are also some ingrained barriers within the African American culture of BF’s dating AM’s primarily because (from my perspective) AM’s were just never thought of as a romantic option for BF’s. I have had a lot of BF’s tell me that they never thought that AM’s were interested so they never took the time to flirt or express any kind of interest in them – and they were surprised (if not shocked) when I expressed interest in them and pursued them.
Additionally, I believe that popular media stereotypes also inhibit a AM/BF pairing since many may believe for example that AM’s may feel intimated by the stereotypical “strong BF” or that AM’s only want subservient females. I don’t believe that these stereotypes are fully reflective of the evolving modern day American BF and AM, and that there is a high degree of compatibility that may be surprising to a lot of people (again, from my own experience).
Overall, I like the idea of the AM/BF match and believe it will become one of the more common place interracial pairings in the future.
Comment by Jabali on 29 November 2008:
I had an Asian girl once. An Indian girl in India. Like all my former loves I cherish that experience. Couldn’t work though cos I had to get back to my country and she had to stay in hers. I suppose lot’s of people were happy when that didn’t work cos we went through loads of opposition, but it just goes to show that all humans are so inherently similar. They fear what they are not familiar with or what they do not understand and this manifests itself in stuff like racism, prejudice etc. Fortunately racism is on a sharp decline one day we will all just look at each other as what we actually are; human beings!
Comment by BeReal4me on 7 December 2008:
It all depends on preference and confidence. Confidence is what the Asian male and Black female need to have if they are interested in each other.
I went on a cruise in 2005 and I met 2 most adorable Asian man-Black woman couples. THey both had been married a number of years with children. They were so into each other (at least on the boat). I loved being around them during dinner and other events on the ship.
I find sexiness in all races. I am not in tuned with these guys from other countries that are using American women for staying in the country. But even some of them are sexy.
God is a BIG God, for those who do believe. I do believe he is capable of bringing what and who I need to me. HE can create a blessing for me. He knows what I like. SMILE
Keep your preferences open and know that you never know who is your blessing.
I agree with some of the others, MEN STEP UP and ask us. HAVE CONFIDENCE. You may come across YOUR blessing.
Comment by BeReal4me on 7 December 2008:
OK, I forgot to address des_pres.
I agree on some of your issues, but brother, give us a break!
Not all Black womnen are hard and uneasy and rough or whatever views you have on us.
YES, we have pressure on us and have most of our lives.
We are a strong breed, but are as soft as you allow us to be.
We are subtle, loving, sensuous, sexy, intelligent, responsible and want a man to come in and just “be a man” without us directing all the time.
We are in the boardrooms, on the decision panels, in ministry, in management, head of households–DONT YOU think we want a good man to say, “Hey sweet lady, I appreciate all you do and am proud of you. I have PLANNED dinner, a spa visit or a just us visit somewhere and gotten us a hotel room for the night. I appreciate my hardworking, strong Black woman.”
Baby, those actions can get you points unmeasurable.
Stop looking at our strength as a weakness for you.
We have had to take care of our children, our businesses, our positions and YOU. SO, Take a chance, PLAN something for us, show us something and we will be easier for you. We, like any other woman, love to be appreciated for our talents and want a man to be in tuned with us and not just what we have to offer.
Most women can be hard. I know White women, Asian women, Indian women, Pakistanian women, Mexican women who are friends of mine. THeY’re harder than I am and will tell their man where to go and how to get there in a hurry.
SO be that man that we can be easier with.
YOU may be scared of any woman that has strength. I hope not. A good brother scared…not good.
Comment by lovingstar on 11 December 2008:
Asian men are goregous, sexy and bold.
What is not to like?
Comment by starthai on 16 December 2008:
Candykane said:
“I wasn’t talking to you or about you, it’s that one sentence that HighRisk posted that struck a chord with me. It was not about you, I don’t know you, I didn’t put your name in my original post because it wasn’t about you, got it?”
Sending my apology.
Comment by Maridoe on 30 December 2008:
Well now, come to think about it… I have been dating (that is to say Dinner and a Show) since I was 16, and I have dated I guess just about every nationality over the past 20 or so years while looking for Mr. Right. However, I can never remember being hit on by any Asian men. I guess I thought they just liked Blond White Girls and never gave it another thought. Just a thought. Mari
Comment by life2go on 5 January 2009:
It is hard for me to understand why a black woman of all people, would say she doesn’t a whole race of men attractive.
Isn’t that what the media and society as a whole does to us on a daily, no hourly, better yet every second of our lives as black women.
What’s more pathetic is we’ve fallen for it. I have family members who I have never seen where their natural hair… and I’m not knocking weaves because I enjoy changing up my hair and wearing them too but I also wear braids and my natural hair.
I would like it, no love it, if I never ever hear another black woman say she’ll date other races but prefers a black man. It is ridiculous for a lot of reasons I won’t get into.
A few years ago I decided to sign up online and communicating with a gorgeous asian man but because it was online and I wasn’t comfortable meeting him because I had the silly comments of my family and friends in my mind, I eventually chickened out. It was a huge mistake…
Black women, we are so strong in every other respect but one place we fall is allowing our families (and girlfriends) to have too much influence over our love lives. Just food for thought.
Comment by Salsassin on 9 January 2009:
Have had friends who are in this type of relationship. They are all in very loving relationships. I think that once all the stereotypes and prejudices have been overcome, and they actually get the shutzpa to try dating each other, most all the ones I have seen (but not that many), have all been fruitful relationships.
Comment by Salsassin on 9 January 2009:
On the comment of Romeo must Die and kissing. Don’t think it is a Black Asian thing. If you watch Chinese movies in general (Just look at Jet Li in Fist of Legend), you will see kissing is frowned upon in many movies. The ones that show making out and what not are usually low budget ones.
Comment by lala2qz on 9 January 2009:
Maybe because I’m from a younger generation, but I disagree with some statements about Asian men. I have been approached by quite a few and I didn’t have to make one move, and I’m black. Maybe it’s just older ones or something. I don’t think it’s because I’m mixed either. There are many Asian guys that like Black women. Also, I get no pressure from my family to marry anyone with ethnicity as a requirement. Since I can remember, if I want to marry a black guy, white guy, Asian, whatever, it’s fine, as long as he treats me well and is a good man. My friends that are black also don’t mind, they only seem to have problems with white guys(and that is dating one themselves). One of my white male friends was the only one with a problem with me talking to an Asian guy and I think that was a bit of a jealously issue because I would not date him and maybe throwing tasteless puns about Asian men made him feel better about his own insecurities.
Comment by DraMama on 12 January 2009:
Hello, everyone! Like some others, I found this blog because I was interested in what others had to say about Asian men and Black women. Recently, I was in Las Vegas and experienced something I never had before. At one of the clubs, I was approached by men all night long. Now, I’m used to attention. That wasn’t the odd thing. I had on a simple, flattering top…not snug…and jeans. I am a dark-skin woman with shoulder-length hair. Now, of all the men that approached me that night, only one was Black. The rest were White, Asian and Latino.
Well, I danced with one Asian man. When I first saw him, I was instantly attracted. He had charisma and good looks. He was muscular and had “swagger” that was SEXY! I was stunned when I saw him. When he noticed me, he immediately flirted and seemed to want to dance. As I said, I was stunned; so, it took me a while to absorb what was happening. So, he continued to the dance floor with his friends, a male and female Asian couple.
Later, while dancing with one of the White men, I passed the Asian man, and again, he flirted. Finally, we danced later. I just walked over to him and without missing a beat, we had a ball on the dance floor. He was a great dancer, who obviously enjoyed the mix of Hip Hop, R&B and Rock music that was played. We laughed and chatted. I found him sweet and gentlemanly. While we danced, three Asian women kept giving us dirty looks and whispering about us. The one Black guy who approached me made his displeasure known.
Finally, I had to get back to my friend, with whom I had come to the club. Not long after, my new Asian friend was back over where I was standing, asking for my number. We have been keeping in touch, so far. He has expressed a desire to date and even cook for me. LOL! Honestly, the possibility of facing additional racism and prejudice has crossed my mind. However, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, we’re getting to know each other, and I’m enjoying it.
The night at the club, another hot Asian man, who was about 6′ tall, laid the smoothest line on my friend. We never expected Asian men to come for us…and certainly not so smooth and hard.
Bottom line, lay the stereotypes to the side. Explore for yourself. Be open-minded. Even if you don’t find love, you might learn something, make a great friend, grow as a person. Those are all worhtwhile things!!!
Comment by DraMAma on 13 January 2009:
RESPONSE to Comment by Tippy on 3 November 2008:
Sorry my friends but Asians talk too much,have a great culture,not very tall,have no sense of humor and are very aggressive hahaa!But i do admire them for all this heheeee…Good day all
___________________________________________
TIPPY! You really have to stop generalizing a whole race of men. The Korean man I am getting to know has a great sense of humor. My Asian, male friends from grammar and high school were extremely funny. I’ve only known Asian gentlemen, and I never remember thinking…he talks too much. On my recent trip to Vegas, I saw just as many tall Asian men as I did shorter ones. People are people. All races come in different shapes, sizes and personalities. How unfair to put people in a box. I know you wouldn’t like it done to you. Don’t miss out on some of life’s blessings because of a closed mind and erroneous information. I’m not just speaking about your attitude towards Asian men. All the best to you, Tippy.
Comment by JOY on 29 January 2009:
well, it is about time that black women are stepping out with other races of men. I have always believed that god didin’t put me here to be with just one race of a man. I have always dated outside my black race. many black men have a lot of mess with them,and they don’t want to or like accepting responsibilties. that is what shapes a man to be who he is as a man. furthermore, I always had this thing with me, that I don’t give a damn if black men go to all the white,and whatever else women they can get with. Personal, I wish that all the white women,and asians women get them because it is not anything to me. And many black women need to pick up their low self esteme. when it comes to black men. There is no reason, what claims to be a real man, should not take care his children,stay out jail, and truly learn what it is to be faithful,respectful,and reponsible. I have talked to many reaces of men,and many of them said that black men don’t treat black women right. The way many of them feel about black,yet they come from a black woman,is disgraceful. I don’t have a problem with anybody who wants to date anybody. but I do have a problem with black so-called men who make up excuses for what they do. I’am quite sure there are good black men out there,but they are not for me, after more than thirtysix years of dealing with them. One thing is for sure,and two is for certain,It’s too many real brothers out there who will do the right thing by black women. When I was a child,I knew that I would one day marry a man,but I never thought my husband would be black. I love all god’s creation,and I’am happy to be able to experience it in all its form and beauty. Sisters, go out there and get yourselves a wonderful man. And real man doesn’t need another race of a woman to bulid up his ego,and more. many black women need to stop making excuses for them. Black women are so strong,and are wonderfully talent,and have beautiful skin. And others are fake baked skeezers.
Comment by oriensus on 3 February 2009:
I definitely agree with some of the post above in regards to the LACK of allure towards Asian men. People are always curious why Asian men don’t date outside of their race and have tons of silly and complicated theories. The answer is quite simple: Asian men are not attractive in general. It’s really, really just that simple. Just like any sensitive issues, people like to beat and beat and beat around the bush and never really face the core issue. Here the core issue is simple: LACK of physical attraction. Think about this, we have all seen many, many Asian women date outside of their race (whites in particular), evan Asian women don’t want Asian men, doesn’t that say something??? I’m an Asian male that lives in New York city and have mostly been with black females (90% of females have been black), so I’m certainly not speaking out of self pity or lack of insight. Some of the black female posters on this blog are very frank about the physical attraction issue, and that is the CORE issue. This isn’t the only issue but it is the main issue. I’m also sick of Asian guys complains about Asian women dating outside of their race. That shit is just weak and annoying.
Comment by DraMAma on 3 February 2009:
Oriensus! You can’t be for real. How can anyone believe that a whole race of people are unattractive? I am an African American woman. I know in American history, something to that effect has been said by white Americans about Blacks. However, how much credence could it hold when slavemasters were creeping into slave cabins to have their way with Black women? Everyone has their preferences, but no race of people all look the same. There are definitely a full range of features within the Asian community, within each Asian country. And let me tell you, there are definitely certain Asian features that drive me wild! Just last night, I was speaking to a Korean man in whom I am interested. He said, matter-of-factly that Korean women do not like his face because it is rough and manly. Well, that’s exactly what I looove about his face. He has the most beautiful bone-structure, high cheekbones, full lips, broad shoulders and mad swagger. I can’t believe he doesn’t realize how beautiful he is! As soon as I saw him in the club, I wanted to meet him. So, you are so so so wrong, Oriensus. Just like I am not attracted to every Black man, I am not attracted to every Asian man, but boy oh boy…there are plenty of Asian men who make me wish I were a bad girl.
Comment by oriensus on 3 February 2009:
Hi DraMAma, I expected such response from somebody. Yes, I’m for real and no, I’m not so so so wrong as you put it, lol. No where in my previous post did I wrote or imply, as you have wrote, “whole race of people are unattractive”. I wrote Asian men in GENERAL are not attractive. Some of the female posters above have written so themselves. We don’t need scientific evidence to show that Asian men in general are shorter and slimmer. We simply don’t fit the prototype of tall, dark, muscular and handsome. Are there Asian men that are tall, muscular and good looking? Yes. But for every one “yes”, there’s a thousand “no” (ok, a thousand “no” is kind of exaggerated). So again, I’m only talking in general, NOT all. The point I’m making is really simple: it’s just a physical attraction issue. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Perhaps in the future the Asian male look will be more acceptable. But for now, it is what it is. Oh, and go ahead be a bad girl.
Comment by HyderabadChick on 3 February 2009:
Oriensus,
I’m a black female. Join this group on yahoo: asian men who love black women. (It’s usually written as one word). There are others too but this seems tob e the most active. You’ll probably enjoy the discussions. The group is mostly black women and some people have actually met and even hooked up.
Plenty of takers for you.
Enjoy
HC
Comment by Nickie_bella on 16 February 2009:
To add to “HyderabadChick” response, if you have a facebook account, you can groups that support Asian men and Black women relationships. Search on “Asian Men that love Black Women”. I also want to add that I do have a cousin who is married to an Asian man.
Comment by Akida on 8 March 2009:
I think it sad that race even matter but the truth is black men generally aren’t interested in me and the ones that are…aren’t good black men. I started to like Asian men because Asian culture is intriguing to me. Also, I was intimate with an Asian guy who whispering foreign words in my ear. I liked it even though we didn’t go far I kind of curious. I don’t know I really liked playing in his straight hair. His accent was adorable. I just was really attracted. Not to say it couldn’t be the same with another race. I like to make people stare and I love the fact I don’t care if he makes me happy he could be blue and screw what people think.
Comment by homesteader on 8 March 2009:
Post a picture , Blind dates will not draw many replies .
Comment by kiki on 12 March 2009:
Just to throw my two cents in…
I’m an ethnic Filipino man. Back in the day when I was young, hot and single (hehe), I had a tendency to attract the attention of black women. Some let it be known that they were attracted to me rather openly. Others I found out through the grapevine. I never really had a preference towards anyone one ethnic group. After all, a hottie is a hottie regardless of skin color. But since a lot of Black women saw fit to flatter me in this way, I developed a soft spot in my heart for them over the years. Anyway, once I dated a black woman in Arizona who had taken the initiatve and asked me out (how could I say no to such audacity?). She was easily one of the most beatuiful women I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. We had a lot of fun while it lasted, but we came across a good deal of hostility from… you guessed it, black men. It seems to me that the brothers don’t have a problem with dating outside their race, but they can’t stand it when a non-Black dates one of their women (especially the beautiful ones). Anyway, I didn’t marry the girl (we didn’t have all that much in common due to an age difference of a decade) so in the end I guess it doesn’t really matter . But I just wanted to go on record and point out the hypocrisy these “men” exhibited towards us. Okay, yeah I still have a little bit of a grudge
Comment by Jersum on 12 March 2009:
I am an African American Woman and almost three years ago I fell in love with the most beautiful Filipino man, and we have been happy ever since. He is honestly the best man I have ever met, in all aspects of who he is, and I look forward to marrying him early next year. We have built a strong and everlasting relationship like no other, and we are devoted and in love, and nothing else matters. All of those stereotypes do not apply to my man, he has it going on and he is all mine
Comment by andromeda on 14 March 2009:
Yes, its true Asian men and Black women seem to be lost in the frey when it comes to what is considered datable, desirable, exotic. But, as with all things that is because of the images that are portayed of us in the American media. For black women, we have some positive black females out in the public eye but most of them are light skinned. Halle Berry, Beyonce, Tyra Banks, etc. There are a few darker skinned or brown skinned women, Gabrielle Union, Taraji Henson, Nia Long. But outside of “black” films and magazines with the exception of Hally Berry, we are rarely portrayed as the sex symbol. We are marginalized as the head poppin, finger snappin, fill in the blank. Reality tv portrays us as bitches. Look at Omarosa, who is a very attractive sister, but she played what I consider the “modern day Mamie” which is the Black middle class Bitch.
As for Asian men, outside of Jet Li, and Chow Yun Fat, you see them as the quirky, braniac, silly, non-sexual figure, Jackie Chan comes to mind. Never do you see them as sexy or attractive either. There are some sexy Asian men out there. If you rent movies from Japan, China, etc. you see them playing the male romantic lead. Not here, hardly ever. I guarantee that if 10 movies were put out per year that centered the dark skinned sisters and Asian men as the romantic lead, if runways, magazines and television shows portrayed them as the sexy, alluring, non-stereotypes then you would see a surge in people’s attraction. Now, its not as acceptable because its just not out there. Its a sad truth. In the meantime, we both need to take our blinders off and just be more open minded. For me personally, as a black woman I sometimes feel ignored by men of other races. I dont know if they are attracted and afraid to say something or just that they don’t see me. Honestly, haven’t quite decided what’s worst quite yet.
Comment by kiki on 15 March 2009:
Jersum,
I’m glad to hear that racial prejudism isn’t affecting you and your man.
I’d like to say that I’m not bigoted, but that would be a lie. I’m of the opinion that we’re all prejudicial to some exent, some more so than others. Strangely enough, I picked up most of my prejudices regarding race, not from my upbringing, but from my experiences as I grew older. Ironically, it was my relationship with a Black woman that cemented my most deep seated prejudicial attitudes towards Blacks (the men in particular). You see, my first wife was White, as well a number of my previous girlfriends, and not once do I recall getting any grief from any White people, even when we lived in Georgia and Louisiana. My current wife is a Latina, as were some of my other ex-girlfriends. Once again, no one ever bother either of us. But the one time I dated a Black woman…. the racial floodgates were opened, primarily from Black men but then again, even her mother initially had a problem with me (but that might have been because I was 10 years her senior). Hence my opinion that Blacks in general are just as racist, if not more so, than other ethnic groups…. I can attest to the fact that the ones in Arizona sure were.
That being said, I truly am glad that you’re not going through the same BS we did. Maybe things have changed since the 90s when all this happened, but I doubt it. Tribalism is an inate part of the human condition and though attitudes may change, human nature does not.
Still, I wish the best for you and your fiance.
Kiki
Comment by LilRod on 24 March 2009:
Hey Black female and Asian Male think they got it hard well try being a Gay Black male who is attracted to Asian men.(hhmm) Now that’s truly a RARE interracial relationship to find or experience. Yo finding a open Gay Asian male is like searching for a rare gem off in Asia somewhere. lol Not only are you not accepted for being Gay but you get turned down for being Black and Gay as well. The biggest “Taboo” in society is people like ME and so I rest my case because this can be a whole another topic to start ….
Comment by ffbfbfb on 25 March 2009:
im a white guy and my sister is married to a successful educated black men. i was wondering how come a girl like my sister, who never associated with black people; managed to find a nice blk guy, but for some reason you black women can’t. it seems someone needs to stop dating tugs so much
Comment by uphoria3 on 26 March 2009:
ffbfbfb, I thank you for your imput, but you must realize you’re looking from the outside in and basically you don’t have the observational skills to be making such statements objectively.
Putting that aside, at the risk of sounding like the stereotypical black woman which I hate more than anything because I think that’s one of our biggest problems, I’m going to give you my take on why your sister found a nice black guy and why black women can’t seem to.
It’s simple; she’s white.
I’m pretty sure she’s a nice person and I would even go as far to say that your sister and her husband are happy and in love, or at least I wish them to be. But what it comes down to is that she’s not black and it’s way easier to be loved and cherished by a good black man than it is say me.
Studies going back for decades have shown a correlation between a black man’s success and his choice is partner. The more successful and educated a black man is, he has a 48% (est.) of chosing a non-black partner. You don’t even need stats to tell you that, just look at most professional sports; for example, with all the black players in basketball, 3% of the spouse of basketball players are black.
Why? Can’t really say. I try not to make guesses about these things because people are sensitive. I’m all for interracial relationships, obviously, but with numbers like that glaring me in my face everyday it makes me pity the black women I’ve left behind. I refused to date black men because we don’t get along, I guess dad issues, and also with stats stacked in favor of me being a starter wife, I figured just cut my losses. But what about all those closed minded black women out there that refused to get off the Titanic of all men?
I’ve always marveled at how a black man can have an accomplished black wife, but as soon as he gets a little status, he picks up the first non-black woman he sees (OJ anyone). Not only that, they treat them whay better than they would a black woman. Like that show that Tyra Banks did where she did an experiment by having a white woman date a black man and a white man, then wear dark makeup and pretend to be a black woman on another date with a white man and a black man. I don’t know why anyone was shocked about what the results were, but the white man didn’t seem to care either which way what race his date was, but the black guy was nicer, gentler, more romantic with the white woman and then when on a date with the darker version of her he talked to her like she was a slut, was very obnxious and crude, and refused to pay the check unless he was getting something out of it. The woman acted no differently on either dates and never didn’t anything to deserve such treatment. I might have exaggerated it a bit, but it’s basically what happened and I was very proud of Tyra for bringing light to the issue and handling it so well.
So for you to make this assessment of black women only dating thugs, for whatever reason, though understandable from you perspective , it is clearly untrue. We date what we can find to keep the black race going and because we don’t know we have options out there. Most black women have low self esteem because black men make them seem so undesirable and the rest of the world tags along with their propaganda because who else knows any race woman than the same race man. So, black women go on thinking that black men are the only ones that will every accept them, even going as far as to stay in bad relationships. I’ve seen women as accomplished as CEOs of they’re own companies marry black men without college degrees because they know that high up in the game that they are in black men wouldn’t want them. How sad and humiliating! Of course the power struggle will ensue in the relationship and yet another single mother is created, just another statistic for others judge us by.
Comment by Mia on 26 March 2009:
I would like to say to “uphoria3″ THANK YOU. You’ve said the truth with “Where all the successful Black Men at and as to why are there don’t settle down with their own”. That is one of the reasons why I always have dated outside my race because I would have limited myself. So again your comment pretty much said it all to men who are confused with why these men are dating/marry other than black women.
Comment by Greekaussie on 29 March 2009:
My goodness uphoria3, your ’stat’ of “black players in basketball, 3% of the spouse of basketball players are black.” is sooo off the mark, it’s laughable. More like 97% of their wives are BLACK.
——————–
As for the topic at hand, the Asian man / black female trend apparently has been gaining in popularity.
This Asian man in the video, married to a black female, explains why he thinks so…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pDAWmcAatM
Comment by Toree18 on 29 March 2009:
Uphoria3 I just want to say I agree with you, but on the flip side of that I am seeking a man of color who IS NOT BLACK. I have dated Black men most of my life and you’re right, for some reason they think we don’t deserve to have our chair pulled out from the table, or we don’t deserve to have the door opened for us. We won’t even talk about the Black men who like to beat on their women i.e.Chris Brown.
I have had enough and I finally decided to do something about it, I’m looking for a Hispanic/Latino. I’ve had one before and he treated me very good. No more uneducated men for me, I need my man to come to the table with the same education level I have. If he doesn’t have the same education level, he’s going to have to be like prince charming to me.
So, hears to all you Black men who don’t think we are good enough for your education and success, I’m not going to date a Black man, because I want a man more befitting of my education too!!
P.S. ffbfbfb, tell your Black brother-in law that!!
Comment by Jersum on 29 March 2009:
Toree18,
I can understand your frustrations, but I feel that it is wrong to lump all black men in the category of not being chivalrous. Those are just the examples of BLACK men that you have dated, and believe it or not there are many Chris Brown’s in every race and nationality including the one’s that you have decided to seek out. Just because you have dated a Hispanic man in the past that treated you well, doesn’t necessarily mean that the next one will too. I also think that you are absolutely absurd in saying and I quote, “I want a man more befitting of my education”, is that to say that black men don’t fit into that category? I’m not trying to come down on you, I am just stating my opinion, while asking some questions of my own. I also felt a twinge of disgust for the ignorance that came from the comment by ffbfbfb, but he’s just that ignorant and should not taint this website with his obliviousness.
Comment by Toree18 on 30 March 2009:
Jersum, you said a mouthful when you said and I quote
“I feel that it is wrong to lump all black men in the category of not being chivalrous.” Jersum that is exactly what black men do to us when they’re trying to condone being with a white woman to their friends, or family. They talk like all we want is to keep having children so we can be on welfare, and that’s not true. That’s stereotyping us. Believe it or not Jersum, I’ve never received welfare for my 3 children_even when their dead-beat “black father” would stop paying his child support. Every single black woman wasn’t Bay Bay’s twin sista!
You mentioned you think it’s absurd for me to have made the statement that I want a man more befitting of my education, well Jersum that’s exactly what the black men say when they get their degrees and become success, even though it may have been a black woman who helped him get where he is, but after he acquires his degree, he wants a white woman. My children never lived in any housing project either, which is also a stereotype given to us. I was a traveling Nurse, and my children have lived in more places than alot of people.
So, I guess the best way to acknowledge the black stereotypes is just to say black men and women are stereotyped more often than not by their own kind.
Comment by uphoria3 on 30 March 2009:
Dear Greekaussie, thanks for the vid, saw it already, but I’m afraid that I must disagree with you about the basketball player’s wives issue. I’m a hardcore NBA fan and I actually stumbled on the fact by accident. You can look it up. 3% was my estimation, but believe me when I say that it’s less than 30% percent; with exceptions of Shaq, Chris Paul, Leabron James (baby mama, not married), Chris Bosh (in court with baby mama, doesn’t want to pay child support), Dwayne Wade (broke up with her after she had the baby), and Gilbert Arenas (made his wife propose to him); those are the only guys I’ve seen with a black partner.
I’m not talking about the whole history of the NBA, but right now if you look up NBA player’s wives they are non black. They only have babies with the black chicks and keep them as girlfriends until they can find something better.
Seriously look it up. When I read about it, I think it was an article about the All Stars weekend or maybe Kobe’s (wife is Spanish) rape case and they pointed that out, so I can’t get you the exact stats, but my estimation of less than 30% is about right.
Comment by uphoria3 on 30 March 2009:
Jersum,
I’m not saying there aren’t any good black men out there–I know plenty. I totally agree with you when you said that every race has their own black sheep, that is true, not one ethnicity is better than the other and that definitely not what I’m saying. Though I prefer Asian men, I’ve not had a walk in the park with any of the ones I’ve dated–some I had the same problems as any other guy and some I have to deal with whole new cultural problems that I didn’t have with anyone else– yet I finally found one that suites me fine and I have no doubt if I were actually attracted to black men I would find the same with one eventually too. What I was pointing out was that a good enough or at least a noticeable amount of those good black men don’t want good black women.
Bless the ones that do, but it’s hard finding a black man with the right package(no kids or baby mama drama, never been on drugs or in jail, college degree, good job, not egomaniac, a gentleman, marriage material, a good father and person, etc…) They don’t even have to have all of those qualities, no one’s perfect, but just some. Like any woman we deserve happiness, but it’s getting harder to find with our own and it shouldn’t be, we should get first dibs on men like I’ve describe, but we have to fight for them with other women and each other. When we lose we’re left with the non desirable and we stay with them because they are available.
That is what I think Toree18 was referring to when she said it was hard finding a man on her level. It’s a known fact that more black women graduate colleges and schools of higher education than our counterparts. We have a lot of the higher paying jobs (except when it comes to sports, of course) and interact with more diverse people. Yet we are less likely to marry outside our race and have only the available black men, which the majority are non desirable (have kids all of over the place, been to jail, lack maturity and aptitude for responsibility, didn’t finish school, disrespectful to women, does drugs, ignorant, etc…)
Toree18, you have a good point when you said black men and women stereotype each other, I totally agree with you, but we need to find some way to break out of this cycle because no one can screw the black ppl over more than themselves and two wrongs don’t make a right. Black women need to get rid of their hang ups and black men need to learn to be real men and cherish their women like every other man. I hear white men call their women sluts and bitches like black men, but the marked difference is they would never let anyone else call their women that. White men make sure that everyone respects their women and holds them as a standard, why can’t we do that? why can black men do the same to their women and show the rest of the world how beautiful and loving a black woman can be, instead of defacing us, thereby defacing themselves?
Also, instead of taking our men’s excuses for their short comings, we should support them and help them up. If your man doesn’t have a degree and you do, help him look at schools, encourage him. He doesn’t have a job and you do, help him with his resume and ask around your work for openings. He has kids outside of your union, team up with the mother of his kids and become a support system for each other and make him take his responsibilities seriously. He’s disrespectful or abusive, leave! You don’t need it and shouldn’t have to take it. Instead of being scornful all the time, stand by him and behind him; I always though that was one of the reasons they go to other women. Though black women are good at keep black men’s egos in check, sometimes we go too far and that’s why they run from us. Other women stroke them and make them feel capable and important; we should do the same when our men deserve it.
Comment by Toree18 on 30 March 2009:
Uphoria3, I agree with the latter part of your comment when you said other women stroke them and make them feel capable and important. You’re right, I’ve heard so many Black men say that’s the reason they stay with and prefer White women, because the White woman will take alot of crap off them and let them get away with everything.
As far as the helping them obtain an education; I guess I’ve been running into the fools, I better not suggest going to school, will “show nuff” get cussed out. They won’t even put forth an effort to get a GED, they want you to do their homework_because they feel they’re going to school for your benefit. See I couldn’t help it, I’d have to tell him I already know how to read. Another thing Uphoria3, I am so tired of hearing them say “I got street smart” apparently not, a street man will never be broke. The very one’s you hear making stupid statements like that don’t have 2 nickels to rub together__they’d probably have better luck at getting money by doing like Dorothy, clicking their heels together 3 times and saying “I wish”.
I don’t despise Black men, but when I’m trying to help him out, I want to feel appreciated. I don’t want to hear “you think you’re better than me,” ignorance at it’s best.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 31 March 2009:
toree18 and uphoria3 good post. I think blacks just as other ethnic groups get caught up in the class trap.
Lord help the lost soul who believes that having a college degree makes you educated. You got more accountants looking for jobs than plumbers, now run and tell that.
uphoria3 I find it funny that everybody else (other ethnic groups) know how to make us happy but we (blk men/women)just can’t seem to make pull it off.
This proves that there’s nothing wrong with us, it’s just the way we relate to eachother. We spend more time tearing eachother down than building eachother up.
When did having a college degree or professional career determine if a person is capable of loving and caring for their mare? Never!
I’ve known first hand how people get caubht up in letting society dictate what their spouse should be like. If you have a degree or belong to a fraternity or sorority what makes you think that only someone on your level can make you happy?
If that’s the case, is the divorce rate for professionals any lower than non professionals?
Alcoholism, drug abuse, sexaul perversion, maritial infidelity and domestic violence is it not as much a problem amongst professionals as well working the class?
Many people get caught up in trying to have spouses that reflect them, when a spouse is there to compliment them on the inside and not the outside.
“What would my professional colleages think if they knew my wife or husband only had a GED or they were a security guard and a house keeper at a hospital”?
Who gives a fu*k what they’d think!
If she loves me treats me right, as a man I’d work three jobs so my wife wouldn’t have to work one, I’d go out an get dirty so she could stay clean all the time and I’d wear the work boots and dickies so she can wear heels and a dress!
If my wife came home tomorrow and said, ” baby I’m tired of the corporate madness,” I’d tell her,” baby don’t even go back to clear your desk, let-cha husband go back and get your things”!
I’d beem with pride as I tell her boss, ” my wife aint coming back here to work, she’ll be at home from here on out, working on me, have a nice day”! LOL
That’s love when you can look beyond the petty and focus on the priority. It’s sad that many will miss out on true love because they focus on the wrong things.
While you’re overlooking him/her, you can bet someone else is looking them over!
James
Love & Allow Someone To Love You!
Comment by homesteader on 31 March 2009:
Our Love is forever , Retirement is just nothing to do . All day long , Respectfully Earned . Online Education at Our pace of Learning . And don’t really care / how bad I spell or use capital letters . We found each other on this site . What have you done lately ?
Comment by fkoi on 6 April 2009:
First of all, I want to give a big head’s up to the comment made by Salsera77 on 11 January 2008. That was really funny, yet subtle. Nice work.
I never really noticed or counted how many of this race goes out with that race. I’ll accept that Asian men with Black women is rare if y’all say it is. After reading some of the comments here, it doesn’t surprise me. Stereotypes of family relationships or anatomy issues are gonna keep it that way. Each person has to check themselves. If I am furthering racial separateness, I am wrong. There are all kinds of Asians in the world and all kinds of Black women. Are Cambodians exactly like Chinese and exactly like a Japanese guy raised in Ohio? I hardly think so. Is a Nigeria-raised woman the same as a Black woman who can trace her roots back in the States for 400 years. Not likely. Folks whose family has been University educated for generations are likely to see this question differently than people who have no diplomas of any kind in their families.
Very similar statements as I’ve seen on this very blog have been spouted about racial/cultural/national/religious/socio-economic miscegenation for hundreds if not thousands of years. Time to wake up? Past time.
P.S. I love to eat sushi
Comment by Dante1977 on 6 April 2009:
Sideline? IMO, it depends on the degree of cultural upbringing.
Comment by onemill2 on 7 April 2009:
It wouldn’t work unless they were on an island and no on could see them ever. could you imagine having to go out to a family get together and linda would have to introduce him to the family. I know my family I got relatives that would go def jam comedy all night especially when we get done drinking that yak and blaze that killa. The only way he would be excepted is he better know how to get back at us when we lightning into his u know what. Let be real I read some of these blogs and some of you come off like you have phd’s. Wake up and stop dreaming in the real world where real people live and be around oneanother everyday this just won’t happen You better be rich and live in a mansion that’s secured because if you live on 25th and 3rd you gonna get blasted on baby lol and that’s not racist.
Comment by onemill2 on 7 April 2009:
I’ve seen alot of mixed couples in my time and never have I ever witnessed a black woman and asian man but u know what I think you just gave me an Idea for my next writing project anyone willing to do this with me?
Comment by onemill2 on 7 April 2009:
Too much pressure in america for this to excist I been all over the globe and one of the spots I seen it and I did the interacial thing was in england I was respected by all races there it was trippy. I went to a club filled with caucasion woman and they were not just one a bunch of were trying to get at me. They had money and homes to chill in and nice cars to drive around the city I didn’t want for anything all they wanted was affection because they felt that black men new how to love their women and they felt that white men there weren’t affectionate enough. I even hit a punk rocker who owend her own pub there and I was myself the whole time I never changed my tone of voice I made them laugh and enjoy life I had one come all the way to the states to get me to come back and li outmy days with her. True story
Comment by BrownB09 on 7 April 2009:
Now, I know Jet Li is sexy, lets not forget Russell Wong Fine as Hell! LOL
Comment by oriensus on 7 April 2009:
Hey BrownB09,
So ummm….. Russell Wong is actually half Dutch which explains his better than average looks. Oops did that just sound really politically incorrect and just plain wrong?
And Jet Li is sexy?!?!?! What you gonna tell me next, Jackie Chan is sexy too? LOL….I’m just joking…Well, half joking…
Comment by BrownB09 on 7 April 2009:
LOL Okay,You got me! My bad! I know how that sounds!
Comment by BrownB09 on 7 April 2009:
I find Asian men attractive as well! Jackie Chan, Cute! Too short,but cute!
Comment by Jason on 8 April 2009:
I’m Asian all I have to say is I think Tamron Hall is the prettiest girl I’ve seen yet on television.
I don’t mean prettiest Black girl…I mean IN GENERAL. She has a nice personality to go with it too.
Comment by PrettyGurl on 9 April 2009:
ive always been attracted to man who were not blk since i was young.. I like Asian men too and believe it or not Im really into Asian film well I like alot of Foreign Films but Asian, France (love Audrey Tatou) and Bollywood are my favorite. I just luv it all. I live in small urban city and I have seen younger (20’s) am with bw but none around my age.. Im opened to it all well kind of
For me, I find that alot of men who are not blk like me but don’t… ex.. the other day I’m talking to a guy on here and we are having a really nice conversation and we just start talking about fitness and I tell him I’m full figured and then right away he wants to see a pic.. so i show him and he’s like” i dont mean to be mean.. youre pretty but youre kind of big”…. lol…. so i just keep pressin until someone who wants to take a look inside and out…
so the moral of the story is lol….. everyone has a preference… maybe most asian males have different preferences in women
just my 2 cents.
Comment by sir_roy on 9 April 2009:
Im here to make new friend’s. 201-658-8286 sir_roy I’m very
understanding please call.sir_roy
> lippin75@hotmail.com. IF it’s good for us lol!
i agree
Comment by sir_roy on 9 April 2009:
Im here to make new friend’s. 201-658-8286 sir_roy I’m very
understanding please call.sir_roy
> lippin75@hotmail.com. IF it’s good for us lol!
>>>>>>yess i agreee..!!!!!!
Comment by REDRAIN on 11 April 2009:
In white supremacist world and society,
asian men and black women are seen as the most ugly.
We are considered ugly, undesirable, and at
the bottom of the food chain.
While white people are seen and treated like
living demi-gods.
Its not about whether or not most black women
don’t want to date outside of their race.
Its about the fact that most people in society
look down on black women and always show blacks
in a negative light.
That way, no one will want black women
because we are displayed as fat, ugly gorillas by
the media, who deliberately does that.
Comment by ebutttafly on 12 April 2009:
Well after reading most people’s comments I am for the school of thought that you like who you like. I mean hot is hot, that doesn’t belong to a race. I am from a place were it is very culturaly diverse and so I have always like all types of guys and I have dated white, black, asian, and latino guys and I am a black women. From my experience you just have to date somebody that has similiar interests as you and just because you are the same race doesn’t mean that you have the same interest our that you necessarily have the same experiences to bond you outside of the black experience. However, sometimes there is hesitation on the part of some men, in my experience, about dating a black women but then they realize there really isn’t such a big differnce. I say if you are unsure about dating outside of your race to start off by widening your circle of friends and I swear your understanding of people and these stupid sterotypes will drastically change how you see the world because we are so much more alike than we would like to admit, race aside.
Comment by Griever on 12 April 2009:
I an Asian man living in California, where AM and BF couples are scarce, and sometimes don’t even exist in towns. I’ve been I’ve been dating my black girlfriend for almost 3 years. I’ve always found females outside of my race to be attractive. Strange thing is, I don’t find many Asian females to be attractive, believe it or not. Sure, like most AM and BF couples, when we go out to on a date, heads turn and we get nasty looks every once in a while. My parents have no problem with it, nor do hers. Both of our families get along great, and we’re hoping for a bright future ahead of us. We both go to college, so most of the people are mature and open minded. Point is, if you fine someone you like, don’t be afraid to go and ask them on a date. Some people, specifically men, need to draw up the courage to ask someone out, and toss all the stereotypes out of the window. Who knows, the person might even be your soul mate. ;D
Comment by NY_WM on 13 April 2009:
Hi Griever,
Thanks for your comment and congratulations on your relationship. That is wonderful that your families are accepting of your relationship.
Of all mixed couples, it seems Asian-descended men and African-descended women are among the most rare. Do you have a theory as to why that is?
Comment by Jersum on 13 April 2009:
Hi Griever, Your story is similar to mine and the love of my life who is a Filipino man. He and I have been together for three years now, and things are really great between us. We recently started checking out this website together, because your right you don’t see many Black women and Asian men couples, not even in Los Angeles where we live. We have gotten many stares, and some comments good and bad, but we never let it affect us. I think aside from our different races, we draw a lot of attention sometimes because even though were both the same height,I love to wear heels which puts me a few inches taller than him, and we’re like the reverse Kimora and Russell Simmons : ) It is so good to here about another relationship such as my own that is working wonderfully despite social negativeness or ignorance, and with family support to boot. Your advice telling people to draw up the courage to ask someone out is sound, people need to take chances, and they too can be in love, and planning their weddings for next year. Thank You for your post. -Jersum
Comment by Tonster on 20 April 2009:
Stupid. Asian women date/marry white men because they are insecure with being asian for they what to pretend to be white. Most asian women date/marry the ugliest white guys anyways. It’s pathetic. Even in the gay community, a lot of gay asian men prefer white guys. And the same thing goes, gay asians usually date the ugliest white guys. Pathetic….
Comment by Tonster on 20 April 2009:
There are a lot of goodlooking asian men. Not the stereotype u see in the movies like Jackie Chan or Jet Le. People who just think asians are nerdy, short, not athletic are or have been living in a bubble or cave. And we asian men age well and when we workout we really look good.
Comment by Tonster on 20 April 2009:
said to say but Gay white men (most of them) who are always fighting for equality and rights are actually racist themselves to other gay black or asian men. It’s hypocritical.
Comment by missS on 23 April 2009:
What’s very interesting to me is how long this post has continued for. It shows that this is a hot topic and people want to talk about it. When we do, we are getting a step closer to a greater freedom of choice with regards to love. I am in a love relationship with an AM right now and I am a BW. I think the hardest thing is dealing with the stares and attention when we go out. We love each other and have to maintain a strong relationship because all the scrutiny can wear down any relationship. I love the way he cooks and I prefer to eat his native foods. Our cultures are very similar and I hope that people can open up their eyes to it. I think with our relationship, as with any other, you have to keep an element of humor in a relationship for balance and to counteract negativity. I am very attracted to asian men in general. When he approched me, I was younger and did not take him seriously. Now I see how much I missed out on. Let’s keep talking about it.
P.S. He is a great listener and knows the number one rule to any successful relationship with ANY woman: “She’s always right!”
Comment by chynadoll on 29 April 2009:
Well i see this topic and i must get in on this, lol i’m a mix female. Chinese,blk, scottish and caribbean indian, from the caribbean. And i would like to date other races, but its like they’re scared to talk to blk females. I was in Europe and the German guys love blk girls, but they don’t know how to approach us. Why is that so, we don’t bite,lol!
Comment by Toree18 on 29 April 2009:
Chynadoll one of the reasons I think they’re afraid to approach us, is also due to a stereotype we’ve been given; and that’s because we are “mean” because we maybe out spoken, or when our toes are stepped on we actually have the nerve to say “ouch.”
The majority of BW who do not suffer from an identity crisis are not very submissive. We don’t usually let people walk all over us, or have someone to tell us to jump and we say “how high.”
Because of the stereotypes, people don’t realize we are capable of expressing ourselves without sounding ethnic, we can be articulate too.
Stereotypes can really be damaging.
Comment by HKDude on 30 April 2009:
Toree18 - I agree that there are lingering stereotypes on all sides which I believe gets in the way of all of us who could otherwise find someone truly special.
You’ve noted some of the negative stereotypes that BW have, it’s been noted in other posts that AM’s are stereotyped as wanting a submissive woman only or are slightly built unattractive girly me. BM are stereotyped as only wanting WW - especially when a certain level of material success is achieved, and then AW only want to date WM (presumably so that both the BM and AW can be more respectable in society - or at least achieve some level of acceptance that they don’t feel they would otherwise have).
Let me just say that I can’t deny that stereotypes may have some basis in reality or nugget of truth, but I’ve been with AW who have been just as opinionated and “mean” as BW are stereotyped to be (in fact as an AM, I laugh to myself when I see some non-AM with an AW thinking that they’re getting themselves a submissive AW and then seeing that it is totally not true - I’ve actually lost track of how many times this has happened). So while there may be some BW, AM, or others who fit a common stereotype, there are many others who don’t - a basic principle we all learned when we were younger is to not to judge a book by it’s cover and I think that basic principle still holds.
Anyway, as other people have said in the comments, I think if we all simply looked past our biased beliefs or stereotypes, then we can truly see that there are some great people out there who could really make you happy.
Bottom line (and I’m paraphrasing what others have said): If you see someone you like, don’t be afraid to go and talk to them (and don’t let society - meaning your friends and family talk you out of it simply because they are a different skin color).
Comment by chynadoll on 30 April 2009:
Good point Toree18, yeah we don’t like the fact that people try to keep us down. I mean if i was a guy i would love to have an independ and strong woman by my side. Not one that when you say jump she say how high.
Comment by chynadoll on 30 April 2009:
Oh i forgot to add, that everyone talking about they have different culture. We understand that, but no one mention our black culture. I’m a very old fashion person and very family oriented.And black ppl are very close to their family as well, we also want our parents blessing when it come to picking a partner. So what the hell, we’re not that different from Asian ppl.
Comment by thedamntruth on 2 May 2009:
I’m British Japaneses and my girlfriend is British Nigerian i never thought of this at a big deal but apparently it sort of is. I get the stereotypes that yellow guys are nerdy, weak and all that shit and ‘can’t handle a black woman’s attitude” my girl is super shy much more like a stereotypical Japanese girl and I’m loud and out going. I read stuff here and other places about cultural differences and while i’m jammin with her and her fam I see some small similarities. I get the whole sidelined thing too but when people say it that way its sounds like a last resort kind of thing and that just sound bad people should get with people they like and not put down their race of men/women coz that just creates a whole lot of problems i never said i hated yellow women and my girl never said she hated black men in fact she said if tyson beckford or morris chestnut asked her to get married she would dump me in a second LOL just kidding
Comment by Mamacita on 2 May 2009:
One of the sexiest guys that I dated was biracial, white and Vietnamese. He was really funny and a good person. We parted ways, but I think about him from time to time. The high school that I attended was mostly black and then, the second largest group was Filipino. When I went to college one of my friends was disgusted by my yearbook pics with all the interracial dating. I didn’t even understand, but she grew up in a segregated part of South Carolina. I just didn’t know people were so prejudice. My mom’s side of the family has Cherokee Indian, black, and white european ancestry. So, she always taught me to just love people for people. She’s darker than my dad, who looks like he is Puerto Rican or Dominican. Funny thing is my dad would probably have more of a problem if I married someone that wasn’t black. But, it is not anybody’s choice, but mine. I’ll marry the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, regardless of his race.
Comment by chynadoll on 2 May 2009:
Soon the whole world will be mix up, as hell. So it don’t matter no more, who the hell you talk to or date. Now how can i find me a nice mix asian guy,lol.
Comment by Toree18 on 2 May 2009:
Mamacita how old are you? Are you in your twenties?
The reason I’m asking is maybe your Father has a reason to feel the way he feels. He may have gone through desegregation back in the 70’s, and if he did it is an experience he will never forget, for those of us who have gone through it. The days of desegregation left alot of deep wounds that will not be forgotten, ask your Dad if he went through desegregation__if he did that’ll explain why he feels that way, especially being a light skinned black in those days.
Comment by paul revere on 3 May 2009:
Interesting comments! I will start out by saying that I am a Korean male who is married to a black female for 7 years. We have two sons who are under the age of 5. Although our relationship has its struggles none of it is based on our racial differences. I think alot of what some people are saying is based on where they live, their social status, etc…I know someone mentioned (starthai) all the asian people she knew were filipinos who worked in her dental office (hardly a represntation of all asian males)so to say they are “weak, spineless, unattractive, as a whole group is funny. And also to say her other involvement was with store owners who harass her because they thinks she is stealing. Now I am sure she is being truthful when she says these things but this is such a small microcosim (sp?) of this country. I live and work in the Washington DC metro area and there are smart, attractive, full of swag, asian males, black males, hispanic males, etc…If your whole interaction with people of other cultures is what you watch on TV, stereotypical impressions, and a small group of people you worked with in one office, it will be skewed, plain and simple.
I will say I do support her decision not to be interested in Asian men, that is her perogative and she should be free to do that as much as other people on here want to date asian men.
I have dated black women from NY, Alabama, Georgia,California, Illinois, Alaska and of course in the DC area. I would say more than anything the difference I noticed between all these women had to do with what part of the country they grew up in, their economic status, values, hobbies, whether or not they had children… but not how light or dark they were…
Comment by salsera77 on 3 May 2009:
To fkoi: I just read your comment from April 6.
Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed the wit and sincerity in my Camouflaged yet Naughty post. Lololololol.
Comment by fkoi on 3 May 2009:
To salsera77: I see and enjoy your comments on various blogs here. You are no fool and you don’t tolerate one either. I like that. Some of this issues are worthy of serious thought, though some of them are nonsense. A friend of mine says, “You gotta learn to take sense from nonsense.”
There is a May 2009 article that was removed from the front page for some reason but is linked from May 2009 above. I am the lone comment dangling in the wind. If you feel like helping a fella out, I’d appreciate it.
As to you comment above, I often get blank stares when I say things that are at all camouflaged, so I’m glad I was able to appreciate your clever (and even better, a little risque wit). Keep ‘em coming.
Comment by starthai on 3 May 2009:
To Paul Revere:
I don’t get why you addressed me specifically(I can only assume)considering there are other females on here who had unwelcoming and bad experiences with Asians, that has lead to them not being interested either. Please keep in mind I’m fully aware there is always exceptions( no matter how small it may be).
To fkoi:
“You are no fool and you don’t tolerate one either”.
I so hope this was not cowardly directed towards me.
Comment by salsera77 on 3 May 2009:
fkoi,
Do you mean that there was an article originally linked to this topic? Hmmm. If so, I don’t recall it. I’ll email you.
Comment by Toree18 on 4 May 2009:
Paul Revere,When I made the comment to Mamacita about her dad and his skin tone, it had to do with him and those of us who were light skinned blacks and the way we were treated by both whites and blacks. In one hand we weren’t accepted by whites, and from the darker skinned blacks more nonacceptance.
We were not only treated prejudice by the whites; there was a reverse prejudice towards us by the black people. I used to have to fight ever day in school because some little girl darker than me with knappy hair didn’t like me, it was the same way for my older sister, and both of my daughters. They still think my oldest daughter is a pure apache__to look at her she really has no african american features. As for my baby girl she’s a shade lighter than salsera, long thick sandy red hair and she has hazel green eyes, and speaking of stereotypes; she’s always being asked by ignorant people if she’s milato_and it really offends her.
But Paul what I was referring to about Mamacita’s dad was, unless you lived through the desegregation of the 70’s as a light complexed black, you wouldn’t have a clue of what we had to go thru by both blacks and whites during those days.In both my daughters cases now days. Stereotypes are like silently passing gas, it lingers and never goes away.
Comment by GaMeR on 9 May 2009:
i love this post a whole lot and would love to share a little of my personal experience with living in the bay area where u have a hugh population of african american and asian american… some of the comment i saw said that asian likes white more<<<this is a fact….most asians in asia prefers their skin to be pale or white…could it be that the want this because of what they see? most definitely…hollywood is hugh in asia….now that some has come to the US and of course has to live in the ghetto first to get themselves back on their feet, what do they see? u got it, lots of blacks on the news….bad news…my greatgrandpa who was in his late 60s was mugged by a coupla black kids…when i was in school, it was the black kids that teased me or wanted to jumped me…funny thing about human is this, when a certain race does something bad to us, we tend to hate that race as a whole for a while until we calm down…sorry for the politically correct people, i bet it will happen to you too if you experienced it first hand….all that is to blame on the bad perspective of a black person in general…now with hollywood,,,,if i remember correctly, i truly and honestly think that it was will smith that broke all stereotype barrier and opened the door for the black male with the movie independence day…yes there were other movie stars but can anyone tell me which one hits it as big as will smith in independence day?…now think about that….that movie was i believe in the year 2000 or so, this is about 300 or so more years of slavery, of blacks being in the US, and about 100 years since movie started showing on the big screen…and think of this too, blacks make up i think 12 percent of the population……
Now with the asians….it is true that asians have been here since the gold rush 1849….up until now, the most significant thing we know about the asians are that the built the railroad…did we know that the jap’s home and businesses were taken away from them during ww2? do we know that the had to leave to go to the concentration camp and had to start all over again? did we know that the chinese were caught up in this too bc the look asian….well these are the original asians in the us….comes the 1970s with the vietname war and a hugh migration of people coming to the us to live starting the late 1970s….my family came in 1980…my whole family bought our way to go on a small boat to malaysia and lived their for 2 years before we were able to come to the us….had there been a storm of some sort, my whole family would have been extinct….
Now in the us….where do we live? you got it, right where the blacks are….with our small feature, guess who gets picked on? kids will be kids,,,,but that left an impression…it has been almost 30 years now, but some of those impression still exist in the older asian generation’s mind…. so u see? there is a reason for everything… now with hollywood, it took a black man up until 2000 to get into a major role on in a major movie, i wander when an asian will get that since we only have 3 4 percent here….
in terms of am bw, anyone who is curious as to why parents have a hard time, that might very well be one of them….one post also said that most asian are not attractive, sorry my people, but it is true… however, i am also seeing changes…i am 5′9 and was the tallest in my family until 2 years ago….some of my cousin has caught up to me and passed me in terms of height and check this out…they are also into black girls…..to me, as an asian male, if u dont know by now, i am happy that they are willing to explore….i think that God has God’s way of doing things….i believe that mixing is one of God’s doing….like everyone in here, i applaud those that have the courage to go beyond the realm of norm….i would do it too if i was still single….i still remember my 2 first black crush…and this is back in year 1988…one of the girls name was maha montoya and the other one wass sooooooooo soooooo dammmmmmmnnnnn fine, tamara something….i can close my eyes and picture her beautiful eyes….
anyway,,,,i will predict this, more am bf relationship will happen….i feel it….never before have i gotten a positive eye contact more often than now…too bad i am happily married and is very faithful….before i leave, i want to thank the jabbawockeez and Quest Crew from mtv’s america’s best dance crew for representing in a positive manner….it might be a small audience u guys are making an impact, but it is a hugh audience of young people that will be our future…PEACE
oh…i do not hold grudge against a whole race now as i have matured from that ignorance
Comment by chynadoll on 14 May 2009:
Gamer, thank for the little info and the history. We have no control over how other race feel about us, and yes the t.v play a big role on alot of culture around the world. I’ve been a few places and see it happen all the time.
Comment by craz4gawf on 14 May 2009:
There are obviously some truth to the generalizations posted here and prejudices exist in every culture when it comes to their families dating outside of their race.
Having grown up in the inner city of Seattle, I’ve seen prejudices on both sides of the fence. I’m Filipino and have always been attracted to black women. Growing up my mother used to tell me she does not want darker grandchildren (darker than me). This never stopped me from going out with girls much darker than me. It actually made me more intrigued in the Afro-American culture. And as a darker skin Filipino, I myself have experienced prejudices w/in my culture. The filipino culture particularly those of light skinned tones looks down @ darker skinned filipinos. Outside of my mother, my siblings and my pops never had a problem with me dating outside of our race. Dating or marrying outside of our races will always be tough because of people succumbing to stereotypes and not being strong enough to deal with ignorance.
“The truth is on the side of the oppressed” Malcom X.
Comment by Marcus on 17 May 2009:
Hello everyone,
I’m a half Chinese and half white guy from England who is engaged to a black woman. We’ve been together for six years now and we’re getting married next year.
Personally I have never gone out to date or not to date a girl of a particular race as it’s pointless and completely ignorant in my opinion. Interacial dating seems to be less of a taboo in the UK than it does in the US as we have had very little bother regarding our relationship.
I also think there’s a hell of a lot of stereotyping going on that really isn’t helpful. I take people at face value as i think it’s the best way to live life.
Marcus
Comment by salsera77 on 20 May 2009:
fkoi, I couldn’t have said it better.
I also wish that some people would stop thinking they can speak for all black women in the whole wide world when in fact obviously we know they can’t.
Comment by fkoi on 22 May 2009:
Ms. Diva & Ms. 77 thanks for your affirmative support in this regard. I have seen you both in these blogs and if intelligent and thoughtful women such as yourselves are behind me, I must be saying something right.
My next question is why does it take up to five days to have my comments moderated if in the end something so poorly thought out as I alluded to slips into “print” anyway?
If it’s all about economics, I understand, though this site seems to be doing better than ever. One of the appeals of a blog is the instant appearance. I never even get a green check anymore because the approval always takes longer than 24 hours. I realize that I’m on the West Side so it’s almost quitting time in the East and so I adjust. And if a long delay is required to keep these blogs free of ignorance and racism I may be in favor of it, though I abhor censorship almost as much.
Comment by salsera77 on 23 May 2009:
I wrote to the moderators too and it’s good they took care of the issue. I’m in the east. I’m sure they also got several complaints. Support wrote me that they use a computer tracking method system which only goes so far in moderating so as they said, it’s better to write to the moderators rather than to only put the complaint on these blogs…and we did.
Comment by sexyp1 on 24 May 2009:
I’ve seen quite a few asian men I would date.
Comment by Naomi on 28 May 2009:
I have been dating an asian man for about 4 years. we are okay but the culture difference causes frictions alone with other obstacle like our parents. Before him I ever got acqainted, I dated a phillipine fellow and we hit it off just find except he had to move out of the country with his father due to separation of his mother and father. Now I am truly in love Shui as he is with me yet he and I have so many differences though we face them together.
We may never get married or have a family but our hearts, souls, and mind never allow us to escape past that. People from all other compliments us some actually star at us. My best friends are asian and they strongly suggest to me that it will never work nor will it ever happen yet here we are! I am an african american woman and my love is from canton china though we dated for 4 years we fear the worst of family hurting one of us if we choose to be more like an embarrassment from both sides of family then them seeing our true hearts.
Whomever wishes to be let it be with the heart and mind and not with the look of a person skin. As a black woman I have never dated a black fellow, but I have dated asian mostly, middle eastern man, and whites, so I have my share of knowing to follow heart and mind not anything else
Comment by So4Asian on 31 May 2009:
Hello Naomi,
You hang on to your relationship. I myself have been in love with Asian men since I was 19. I’ve always found the men, and the culture most fascinating.
I work for a Japanese company, so I see Asian men all the time. They speak and smile, but that’s about it. I’ve never been brave enough to actually go any further than just speaking or a simple conversation.
I actually embarrassed myself one afternoon at lunch. One of our Chinese clients walked in the lunchroom. He’s so sexy!!. He’s like Chow Yun Fat and Tony Leung Chiu Wai sexy.
Anyway, I was staring at him so hard, that he caught me. I was so embarrassed. He just smiled, and bowed his head slightly.
After my lunch, while I was leaving the lunch room, I walked passed him. He smiled again.
One of my co-workers said, “Girl, make that move”. I said I just might.
When he sees me now, he still smiles( he has a smile that can melt butter). So I said to myself..”Let The Dance Begin”.
I’ve been studying Asian History and culture, preferably Chinese and Japanese. I begin my class in Mandarin Chinese in a few weeks.
The only way I be comfortable in approaching Asia men, is for me to have a better understanding of their history, culture and language.
It will definitely be a nice way to break the ice. I’m quite sure they would not expect me to know how to speak Chinese.:-)
Comment by DeAm on 2 June 2009:
I have never dated outside of my race until now. I have currently been dating an asian man for 3 weeks now and I am having a time of my life. It’s definitely a different experience but at the same time fun and exciting. This guy knows how to treat a lady. Yes…he made the first move. Actually, I did not pay him any attention until he keep coming around at our work place. I start to notice him more and more. Then finding myself attracted to him. He’s not like the average asian guy. He’s medium height with a well fit body. So, from this experience I can say I am glad I dated outside my race because now it’s like I was missing out on something wonderful. It’s good to keep your options open. Like someone stated, love does not have a color. You should follow your heart….
Comment by matty from australia on 6 June 2009:
im an asian male and my gf is black south african were 18 and in love xxxxooooo
Comment by 3pink-dol3 on 6 June 2009:
I am a 14 year old girl and have found myself attracted to asian guys since i was about 12 years old when i saw the most gorgeous caramel skinned asian guy who was buying something in John Lewis.
I’ve been obessed with them ever since, but have only admitted it to my close friends because i’m worried other people will ridicule me. I do find black guys attractive as well but something about them just isn’t as appealing as asian guys, i think this is because its so much harder to find a really good looking, tall (as i am 5 ft 7) and well dressed asian guy rather than a black guy.
The other sexy asian guy i saw was in my eyes the perfect type of guy i was lookin for, but as usual he was surrounded by asian men and women and found myself to embarassed to go and talk to him.
These stories of happy BW/AM couples have inspired me to not ignore my instincts to please my friends and instead give into my feelings. I want to be with a asian guy and it is as simple as that, maybe some day i’ll date a black guy just for the heck of it but not any where in the near future.
Thanks for inspiring me…peace
Comment by SFR on 16 June 2009:
I am a Black Woman and I have always been attracted to Asian men: Mostly Chinese & Filipino…
Filipino men loveeeee Black Woman!
Next week I am going on my first date with a FINE ASS Filipino man who is sexy as hell!
I can’t wait!
SFR
Comment by aigoo on 23 June 2009:
I’m a black woman who thinks good looking men are hot no matter what race they’re from. My cousin not too long ago married a Chinese guy and they have a baby together and seem to be very happy, luckily for her, the husband is older so she didn’t have to worry about his parents approving of their relationship. I come from a very large family so the news was a shock (mostly because everyone thought asian men don’t date outside of their race)but no one ever opposed of her dating outside of her race, because she’s not the first and won’t be the last to love someone for who they are and not what there racial identity is. My younger sister is married to a hispanic guy, my older sister just started dating a korean man(sigh: she’s a health nut/he’s a health nut maybe it will work, either way his family is in Korea so I don’t see a problem with them just dating and me…well I’m dating a conceited guy (Italian/Black) who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. Now that’s what you really have to watch out for!!!
I hope that the women out there who are wanting to date outside of their race have some courage, smile and show yourself friendly. Many cultures have a warped perception of black women so you’ll have to deal with a lot of that.
Comment by force on 24 June 2009:
I think there is a difference with Filipinos and the other “asians”
for many years, people have called the filipinos the “black asians”… they have more soul and appreciate a lot of the same things that black cultures generally do.
it’s just cultural I guess. Filipinos don’t relate with Japanese, Chinese, Koreans etc. as much as people like to assume, plus they don’t even resemble the other asians very much
Comment by Marcus on 1 July 2009:
“for many years, people have called the filipinos the “black asians”… they have more soul and appreciate a lot of the same things that black cultures generally do”
That’s a strange generalisation, can you explain what exactly having more soul is?
Comment by Ariah on 3 July 2009:
I’m a young black female who had never been as attracted to black men as I have to other races. I’m currently with an Asian man. He says Im the first African-American woman he had been with but he loves me and we have even planned a future together. Asian men and black women have been placed on the sidelines in America. But I dont think its just the cultures that are keeping us serperate, I think it may be the people themselves. Everyone needs to start being more open to the idea of mixing. I’d love to see more of our sisters with nice Asian men.
Comment by Ariah on 3 July 2009:
P.S. The Asian I’m dating is of Filipino decent, so that comment that was made earlier interested me a bit. LOL
Comment by RegularAsianGuy on 4 July 2009:
I find reading all these comments very interesting. I can tell you from my experience as an Asian male in his mid 30’s who was born and raised in NYC: Many, although not all, Asian guys actually find Black women very attractive and would like to date them. I know this from the comments my friends make in conversations and when they see other Asian men with Black women and talk about how lucky they are. The problem, in my opinion, is that Asian men are not confident enough to ask Black women out, including Latins. It’s a stereotype, but many Asian men tend to be shy when approaching women outside of their race, particularly Black women. Why? Because we perceive Black women as strong and into strong and macho men, which many of us are not. So we either go for the Asian women or the occasional white girl because they are not expecting the macho stuff. My only suggestion is that if you are interested in that particular Asian man, then approach him and ask him out. Yes, it may be a pain in the ass, but that same flaw in him that is making you ask him out is the same asset that will make him loyal to you and treat you with the respect and sensitivity you deserve. And personally, I have dated Black women and find them extremely attractive. but often times the ones I see and am attracted to I do not know if they are as attracted to me as I am to them. Good luck everyone and may there be more Tiger Woods!
Comment by golden on 4 July 2009:
Why do you black women and (men) short change yourself? Most races (white, asian) are satisfied and prefer (well the majority do and that is the truth like it or not) with their own kind, it is always black people that are always chasing after and taking up with this, that and the other. No wonder the black race is in a mess. Why don’t black women TAKE back their own men, I really feel this would lead to less problems and eventually get us out of the mess that we are in. Like I said in one post that if I was faced with the posibility of dating and marrying a white man, he would have to be very very very rich, because being white in itself would be not enough to justify a relationship with a white man.
Comment by Rodrigo on 4 July 2009:
I’m not Black nor Asian but wouldn’t it be nice if we treated each other as we do when we kiss? Everytime we kiss we close our eyes. It’s the feeling that matters then not the color or race.
Comment by SaBinh on 4 July 2009:
I met a pretty woman last night at she’s mix black and white. Her name is Biance and I’m Asian
Comment by GT on 5 July 2009:
If you’re a black woman interested in dating interracially, there is a blog that will be helpful for you called “For The Sistas.” It also has posts on dating for black Christian women. Some of the posts are a bit long, but they aren’t any longer than the cover story of a magazine article and I really do think they’ll be useful to you. The blog address is ForTheSistas (dot) blogspot (dot) com. By the way, the blog also has information on dating men from Europe.
Black women need to get off this black-man-only band wagon because, for too many, it obviously is not working. I’m not saying don’t date black men, just expand your options. Please forward this to other black women you know.
Comment by SAM on 6 July 2009:
I am a Filipino Guy I’ve been in carribean (haiti)for six months I meet a lot of pretty ebony colored women, they are very smart and lovable my heart was caught by a fellow UN worker she very lovely and dazzling i wanted to own her for the rest of my life… i love colored women… ilove you all i will come back in haiti soon..
Comment by missmami69 on 11 July 2009:
i dunno wut Starthai is talkin about. im a black female. im from L.A rampart section and they have some fionne lookin filipino boys in thet area!! i am mostly attracted to the “thugged” out asians like filipinos. phil tayag from jabbawockes whoa my hubby!!! i dunno if i should date an asian right now. ive had relationship with black,samoan, latino men before. i dunno .. whut do my sistas think ?
Comment by kimpab on 14 July 2009:
This is a great topic, I can’t find it anywhere else on the web. I’m Korean male that was adopted and I want to speak only for myself and not other Asian or Korean guys. I actually have never had many asain or white women interested in me. It’s always been more black and hispanic women. I can’t say I’ve dated them because I haven’t really dated in general.
I get along better with the second 2 because my characteristics are a little opposite of Asian males. I’m not quiet, I have a high self-confidence, I’m a loner, and I love women that are sexy, intelligent, and strong willed. Many of
the Black women I meet fit that bill.
It’s important to realize that you shouldn’t marry or date the person you like because of their ethnicity but because of their character and qualities that you seek in them. I would agree as many have pointed out that the reason black women and asian men are not as compatible is because of traditional asian culture and black women are more strong-willed. Another thing is all my friends that are Asian tend to be more intimidated or reserved towards not only black but as well as latino and some white women.
Comment by aliekatt2 on 15 July 2009:
Some of these posts are just infantile.
I have dated Koren men, Filipino men, Japanese, Chinese, Guamanian, Cantonese, and a few more. I ask again, where do you people live??? LmaO!
Comment by VvsSovann on 21 July 2009:
Wake Up people, the movement is on. I am an asian who primarily dates african amerian women. I will end up with one, and I know this. I find black women attractive and I know that these beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. If you really are interested, come visit me at dcambw.ning.com.
Such foolishness surrounds the tabooness. I am abou the future, and if the future is filled and left of just the status quo, then I will have no parts of it.
Relationships, no matter what race are beautiful. I don’t feel that I am sideleined, I don’t have a problem with getting or maintaining women, and I don’t feel that the lovely sisters that I associate with feel any different.
You all are very humorous to me. I never seen so many people talk about being free and not live up to the ideals of it, and if you think for a moment that these thigs are not related, think again. We are free to love and want who we choose. And if your family, culture, background, or limited / uneducated thinking binds you to really believing Asian Men and Black Women relations don’t exist, then stay in the hole that you dived into.
My family does not choose who I will marry. They will not be the ones parenting the children that will come, build and hold up the house that we will live in together, or pay the bills that we will have. I will be the one making love to my wife, listenting to her hurts, and growing to create the most blessed future that we will fight for. Let’s not make this taboo anymore. Let’s create the future that is supposed to be. One Race, One Love, under One God in One World!
Genuinely,
V
Comment by bossladiie on 21 July 2009:
I have to agree with a comment. I never really even put a single thought in my mind about asian men. Until in school i had a close asian friend, who later told me he always took an interest in me. We eventually dated, and i must say that i have enjoy my relationship with him than any A/A male i’ve been with. since my eyes have been open to chinese men, but where i live you dont see them much. Odd i would see a asian female and A/A male together, go figure.
Comment by Shotgun007 on 29 July 2009:
Seeing black women and asian men is a rarity…but it’s one that I hope will change real soon!!!
Shotgun007
Comment by Xuefeng on 1 August 2009:
Well, I didn’t realize this option until someone that just happen to know me in middle school, started to talk to me when she started working at my Mcdonalds. She said that she tried saying hi to me, but I ignored her. As for me I couldn’t remember anything from middle school. She said that I was her crush in middle school, unfortunately she also thought that I didn’t like her in middle school, since I ignored her… Which I really don’t remember her saying anything to me or even trying to communicate with me. Anyways, we talk at work and everything, but I don’t get to close, cause she is in a relationship, but I just try to comfort her when she is unwilling to work. This really opened a channel for me to like black girls. Honestly the only two race that I have known to like me is Asian and Blacks. Of course I’m opened to all race, but sometimes the words that my Aunt tells me pops up and I rethink, but she is not me and this life is not about sticking with your own race. Living here on earth, we learn for God and the many possibilities makes it possible for you to do anything, except for when you do serious crimes/sins. God loves all.
As for the moment I am not ready to make a decision on a partner as of yet, since I am still trying to straighten up my life and still too young.
This life is always interesting, only a few will see that. Oh and by the way I know this post is confusing. I would write better if I was writing an article about it. Imma just end it here.
Comment by Caribgirl on 2 August 2009:
I found this site while looking for a little comfort. I am a 39 year old single, well, divorced Black woman. I met a korean Man about two and a half years ago when he came to my country in the caribbean to work.he worked in the same building in which i ran my business and he lived opposite my house. we spent lots of time together and although we never considered ourselves a couple.we could feel eachother so strongly. we did make love a couple of times,however we never had sex. he is the best kiss that I ever had , and for those of you that would like to know, he is very small.love it and love him though. understanding his strong cultural background has been the hardest thing for me.having been an independant woman for 12 years has made it difficult for me to be obediant if not i would argue. we recently had an argument that caused him to stop talking to me. now I feel like I am dying for this asian man. it has been one month and he refuses to communicate with me. I feel so devastated.I want my Korean man back so badly. I am so in love.my heart cannot take it any more. can some Korean person tell me how to get through to him.i know that he feels that I desrespected him by arguing in front of his employee. help
Comment by bmoreguy on 9 August 2009:
Most asian guys wont even attempt to date a black woman because of all the stereotypes and racism that asian men are subject to in the USA. So why would a asian man even think about dating a black women if he thinks he has no chance.
Comment by nandi on 10 August 2009:
salsera77 & fkoi….Thank you, good to read some mature and non-racists views.
I also wish that some people would stop thinking they can speak for all black women in the whole wide world when in fact obviously we know they can’t.
THANK YOU!!!!
. Is a Nigeria-raised woman the same as a Black woman who can trace her roots back in the States for 400 years. Not likely. Folks whose family has been University educated for generations are likely to see this question differently than people who have no diplomas of any kind in their families
THANK YOU
These stereotypes and monolithic statements are what keeps racism alive and not progressive dialogue..My parents are from the West Indies and although I was born in the states, clearly my “history, cultural, food etc…Would be different from that of an African-Americans or a Nigerian woman..Neither can speak for me and I cannot speak for every women in the Jamaica…
However, my great-grandfather was Chinese (although in Jamaica we are not that specific on race, you are either Jamaican or a foreigner, by grandfather was about 5 or 6 generation Jamaican. These stereotypes on Asian men is offensive and totally racists. I guess change really does start within..
However, the posts that indicated stereotypes of Asian men being defeatist and weak is what I object to the most (other than lumping me in with Black Women world wide). Asian men and women are overall very educated and successful in this country, their incomes in many fields surpasses even White Americans, there are good in entrepreneurship as well, no one can rate that high by being defeatist and weak. Nor are they cowardly afterall, Korean? Vietnam? Japan?..I do not think anyone could say with some level of intelligence and knowledge that they were a fordible foe in conflict. I find them attractive, intelligent and committed to their families and the well being of their children. I also find that to be moreso Alpha males.
However, some of this comments in regards to sticking with your own kind…Well based on my own cultural ties that would still land me in the West Indies. Just like a Nigerian woman would end up in Nigeria. You cannot lump of Asians together since they are like what India, Iran, Vietnam Japan, Korea, China etc…Basically all over the map and I positive their cultural, language and food etc..are all DIFFERENT.
Unbelievable indeed!
Comment by Shotgun007 on 11 August 2009:
Somehow my post didn’t get entered yesterday so I edited it a little… Anyways…
EXCELLENT POST!!Nandi,
I was about to respond to a few of the remarks, that I found slightly “off-putting” until I read your post and once again…….
Every word written in your post mirrors my exact sentiments. I cannot express how upsetting/discerning it is to hear a certain race/group that appears to embrace negative stereotypes about themselves. In my opinion it only weakens a culture and reinforces negative outside “cross-cultural” views.
The standards of attractiveness in Hollywood may have defeated some and it’s unfortunate.
Asian men are NOT by far (in my opinion) the last desired. When I look at their level of success, knowledge, will-power, brain power, contributions to the community, I find them highly attractive.
When I see Asian men/families where I live, all I see is a “Family Unit”… a strong one at that. I have never looked at Asian men and thought any different. We just have to be open to other forms of beauty.
I wish some of these blogs could be a little healthier in terms of encouraging interracial mingling/courtship. I find it difficult to progress if we continue to let these stifling myths cloud our judgment and continue to shape our views of other races.
I’m out everybody!!! Take Care…
Comment by nandi on 11 August 2009:
Shotgun007
Thank you and Excellent Post as well!
“I wish some of these blogs could be a little healthier in terms of encouraging interracial mingling/courtship. I find it difficult to progress if we continue to let these stifling myths cloud our judgment and continue to shape our views of other races.”
So true! Because when people do that, they often become or have become what they most protest about- a racist, who prejudges, make unfounded generalizations and stereotypes of others based on perceived ideologies or Hollywood stereotypes. That is not healthy or progressive.
I also wish these blogs were more progressive and we could hear from a more diverse group of people, after all that is the point of this website.
I hope you find that special someone though and I wish you the best in your endeavors. I believe you to be a progressive, intelligence woman who smart enough to not limit yourself in the endless possibilities in your pursuits.
Take Care as Well
Comment by asianguy on 12 August 2009:
I found this post and was intrigued. First off, I’m an Chinese male who grew up in New York City after parents immigrated here. Growing up, I went to school in East Harlem and then college in the city and I have always been attracted to non-asians, particularly blacks and latinos, but in my experience, thefeeling was rarely reciprocated. In college, however, it seemed like the BW were more open-minded and there was more flirting and possibilities, but I’ve always stayed in my comfort zone, dating asians.
I’m now married, but I still maintain friendships with black women and all I hear is how they’re looking for a stable relationship with a responsible man who can take care of them which would describe me perfectly. Maybe it’s the stereotype of the chinese man who delivers your chinese food or other image that American society portrays of the saisn male, but I never identified with any of those (even though it does affect me in the background).
I’m an attractive asian male (according to friends), successful (not a doctor, but in media) witty and worldly guy (so I like to think, natch) who’s not at all shy. (SIDE NOTE: I won’t embarrass myself on the dance floor).
I do however have wondered what it would have been like to date a black female. I’m still very attracted to them (their dark complexion, brown eyes and full lips).
Just my two cents to the topic.
Comment by fatooti on 12 August 2009:
voltire once said that people would only change if they allowed themselves to be enlightend; the problem is that people cling on to their sterotypes and use their views to shroud their fears of the other.
I was speaking to a friend at work and said that I had always had been attracted to Asian men especially first/second generation American ones but I had allowed society to dictate to me what type of relationship I should be in, her response was to wave her little finger about. This links back to what I said in the paragraph above,the moment we let those scales fall away from our eyes is the moment that we realise that the concept of beauty and attractivenes is present in all races; even if you have a preference to one.
I for one have decided when I make my next choice of partner he is going to be asian, asian, asian! but also process the other traits that I find appealing.
For all those who are attracted to someone that is alittle different from them, I say………embrace it!
Comment by Animepandafreak on 13 August 2009:
I’m a 15 year old teen black girl and I’m very open bout race and people in general. but ive always been attacted to asian guys more then others, I think other races are just as hot but …
My parents want me to marry in my race but for me if I love the person no matter what and he ends up not to be black Ill convince my parnets he’s a great guy you know
I dont get the whole thing bout asian guys havin a “small penis” dont get it whatever it just a dumb rumor.
I mostly seen asian women with black guys at school and TV and rarely any asian guys and black women I want to see more in my area of Va. I want to see more diversity that will be nice ^^
Comment by Anthony on 14 August 2009:
Hi, I am an asian man. I’m open to dating black women. I’ve dated several white women and asian women, but have never dated a black woman. I do find black woman just as attractive as any other woman. But the problem is location. Where I live (in california), there is not a huge population of black people in my community. I can count the number of black people i see on one hand. Although I am open to date black women, the opportunities to do so is almost nil.
Comment by tigre on 16 August 2009:
Yes a AM/BW couple is a rare thing, however it is not a problem. I myself am a BW and dated a AM for 4 years and yes there were family issues but not really because of race but age, we were in HS, only 16 when we got together. The relationsip ended because we were growing a part and seaprated by college not really staying connected and things like that. However we are talking again as of a month ago.
We have talked about our past and even about our folks his and mine. Neither side care about race just as long as we (they’re children) are being safe and happy with eachother and not doing anything stupid.
Also like I said it is a rare thing to have a AM/BW couple and so we have gotten some looks when we are out but neither of us care, especially him. He thinks it’s funny how they look and think how’d that happen and him laughing at it makes me laugh.
I myself have always found men of other races attractive and men of my own race. Race should never matter to a woman or man. What should count is how you are treated, personality, beliefs and morals. If issues come up in those areas that are undoubtably changable then the relationship will not work, but there is never a problem with giving a relationship a change.
Comment by tigre on 16 August 2009:
Oh forgot to add that we were a part for 2 years (together for 4 yrs, spilt for 2 and now talking again).
Plus we stayed friends the entire time we weren’t together. Yes in the beginning we barely talked to each other but that slowly faded and we chatted again. We know each other inside an out, and we have already talked about if we don’t make it as a couple this time around we will always remain friends.
Comment by Only1Kim on 18 August 2009:
I live in the Texas, & that is a rarety. There are many ww/bm, bm/latino, bm/asian women & so forth. Not many wm/bw couples or they maybe hiding I don’t know. I worked with a Fillipino woman who told me that black people should stay with their kind. Maybe it’s that reasoning for the lack of Asian/Black couples.
Comment by Laid Back NYC Chick on 18 August 2009:
Good topic. I am a Black-American Female and have a fair amount of experience with East Asian culture both in the U.S. and abroad.
One of the reasons the BW/AM coupling is rare is because — I hate to say it– entrenchment of rigid cultural and social ideas/expectations in Asian culture. The concept of “Face” is a prime example of this. In East Asian culture everyone is all about surface, how one appears to others: what kind of job you have, where you were educated (sorry only Harvard/Yale get full recognition), how much money you make, having the latest Louis Vuitton/Prada handbag, what you look like –I’ve seen women who are clearly skinny be derided as “fat”, the list goes on and on. While this may be Asian society’s traditional way of laying firm family foundations, it makes for poor independent decision making on a personalized level. Decisions are made based upon how one will look to others, family first then friends, and usually in that order.
With this kind of mindset, it is little wonder that Asian males find it difficult to deviate from their cultural upbringing and seriously explore other cultures for courtship and possibly marriage, let alone a Black woman. Everything has to be safe. And by all American standards, Black is the furthest thing from safe, unless you come from money and have a good education (and that’s a big UNLESS).
Also, to be frank, guys are lazy in general and will go with the path of least resistance. So if their comfort zone consists of mostly Asian women, and white women, that’s what they will stick with.
It is really an unusual Asian male who dares to break away from these cultural norms, and defies expectations to openly date a Black woman. (Well, at least I have yet to meet one). Otherwise, if they are dating a Black woman it’s on the DL for reasons mentioned above.
Another thing is that Asian males are prized in the family (especially the eldest son) more than females, so if they decide to date outside of their race it is like taboo, and likely a stain on their family and cultural heritage. Heck, even dating an Indian (an inter-ethnic connection) might be considered bold. One caveat here: white women are acceptable although not the first preference in Asian families.
Black women are far more open to dating outside of their race than is rumored. So for the Asian male who “goes rogue” sans the typical male fear of female rejection and pursues her, I think there is hope.
The other good news is that younger generations (in my 30’s) seem to be way more open minded about these things than I think my generation is. At least they’re more fearless about their choices in the most intimate area of their lives: their relationships. Kudos to them!!!
Comment by Mel81 on 22 August 2009:
To “starthai”
So you think Filipinos are ugly? Guess what, some of us feel the same about blacks. Hey, it’s only fair. You can’t call a group ugly (or have have you) and not get the same thing thrown in your face. It’s only natural. As far as the article, instead of people whining about black women and asian men being single, maybe they should just get together.
I’m mixed and grew up in a white bred neighborhood so I usually like white guys (most of them are not my type but there’s a small percentage I do like as far as looks go.) I know I’m racist but Im no more so than my coworker Tiana who apparently only goes for light skinned black men (shes half black and puerto rican.) Believe it or not, I actually read somewhere (a study - unfortunately I dont have extra info. on it) that people (usually) like those who are more physically similar. Yes, there are LOTS of mixed couples like my folks, but I normally see couples who look similar in race in my area anyway. Just an opinion.
Comment by Shotgun007 on 23 August 2009:
Mel81, I really think you should disregard another person’s opinion of another “groups” appearance.
I find Pilipino and Asian men highly attractive as I’ve stated previously. I think the Pilipino & Asian culture in general has gorgeous features.
Just my opinion..(Not referencing anyone in particular) Sometimes in these blog posts, you may run across a few subscribers who may initiate generalized comments about another culture based on a few of their own personal experiences. But keep in mind they are speaking from THEIR experience and NOT speaking for an entire race.
My take is, Asian men or black women can’t begin the dating process unless we reach out to one another. It takes an effort on both parts and to cast down all of the stereotypes to begin with.
Another thing we have to look at is the concentration of Asian men and black women in the same geographical area. There are few cities that can say the ratio of Asian men and black women are relatively high, so I think we can factor this small aspect into the equation.
Just my take…
Comment by Moon Child on 27 August 2009:
I have read every single post and am very intrigued and well informed as to the nature of the attractions btw Asian men and Black women. I have been doing some research after having a huge crush on a Chinese man last year, since then my attraction has increased as he indicated that he liked me as well. But due to age difference and the fact he is in the military, we had to part ways. *sigh* I have been tied down to the subconscious and unspoken chains of being able to love only black men. Unfortunately none of those relationships panned out very well. I won’t go into why here we all know what the most common reasons are, they have already been listed. I used to date men of other races but that shut down in my early years of college, that was years ago, then I got married to my now x husband and have never looked back. Now at this space in my life I am once again willing and desiring to move outside of my self imposed cultural box and find love and relationship with a bright, intellectual, fun, open minded, giving, family oriented, deeply sexual and spiritual man of another race and Asian men I very attractive to me in so many ways. I have always liked their style and culture. I do not care about racial ignorance or other peoples issues with it, I have never been one to care about such things. What I desire is too truly relate to a man of color deeply and profoundly and I desire to move in another direction and this is it.
Like so many other AA women on this thread I find Jet Li to be extremely attractive as well as the other Asian men listed. I am open and willing now I need to find out HOW to meet Asian men. I do not live in a State or city that has a high population of non married asian males…..I am 38 yrs old and looking for a man who is 34-45. Do any of you fine people know the best places to meet and talk with Asian men? As in internet, state or city? I am in Michigan right now but am willing to relocate as I am looking to move in the next year or two anyway. I would kindly except any suggestions.
I have been out of ANY KIND of relationship for over 10 years, working on self, gaining self awareness, self love, improving myself and have established myself as a business woman and am more successful everyday. I am READY to spread my wings and fly!
Thank you for any responses.
Moon Child
Comment by daisy101 on 7 September 2009:
Well im still young but,also so happy i found this. Im an african american female that really has a thing for asian guys and this has been going on ever since i was 10.I don’t think race matters at all because in the end if you love someone you’ll be happy anyways and you shouldn’t care what anyone says;]
Comment by dolly48 on 9 September 2009:
I dont know who starts these conversations? it seems more neg than pos.
communication is good, but it should start on a positive note?
JMHO
Comment by ching chang on 10 September 2009:
imma Asian man,
ask me a questions
Comment by kitten on 11 September 2009:
I just started to date an Asian Guy. The emotional chemistry is right on and I am falling for him fast and the feeling is mutual. I am concerned about the physical stereotypes though and don’t want to be suprised on our honeymoon.
I know it shouldnt matter but sexual chemistry is important to me.
Is it really true? You know the myth… I dont mean to be vulgar but that is the only thing that worries me, and both ways not just my pleasure but his as well.
Help!
Comment by newgirl1 on 12 September 2009:
Hello Mr. Chang, I would like to thank you first of all for your time and consideration in answering my question. I’m an older, African American woman who has always from grade school been attracted to Asian men. But I have found that older Asian men around the ages over 45 do not date and or marry black women. Would you explain some reason why and are there in places a black woman could go to help her chances of meeting an Asian man who is open to interracial relationships with us.
Comment by sweetvalleygirl on 15 September 2009:
Hi, I’m a black woman who dates Asian men, I have dated Asian men ever since I can remember starting dating back in my mid-teenage years up until now at the age of 33.I love them and they love me. Live and let live!!! I say…..Interracial dating isn’t for every one. Especially those who feel that they would be frownd upon by their race and others.One must truely have an I don’t care what my race or other people say attitude.Two people in love is beautiful regardless of race or color.If your that insecure that a man from Asian decent wouldn’t find a black female attractive and want to be in a relationship with her…you obviously are closed minded and must not be among those of us living on planet earth.The myth about Asian men having little penises isn’t true!!! Don’t believe the hype.All men regardless of race or color come in all various sizes(and no…not all black and white men are packing!)All I saying is you don’t know what your missing if you haven’t tried.
Comment by asiandude on 16 September 2009:
bullcrap if you think asian dudes think low on black girls. I.. I <- (who’s only lived in AZ for 5years) am a Korean, and my first love was a black girl. We couldn’t even be official because my parents who live overseas couldn’t accept the fact that I was liking someone black.. f’d up shi*, and I hate thar stubborn part of the Korean culture, but what can I say.. All it takes is time.
Comment by chynadoll on 16 September 2009:
you take your time asiandude, if you love someone and they love you back. Ain’t shit can stop that or come between you guys. Even if you have to keep it on down low.
Comment by Moon Child on 16 September 2009:
I am preparing to move to Canada in a year or two and am making preparations. I am seriously looking at the Vancouver/Victoria area. I will be visiting next year.
So, I am hoping (fingers crossed) that I will meet and mingle with some intelligent, available, progressive and loving Asian men. I have talked with some over the internet and the experiences have been less than desirable.
But we all know that for the most part the internet is a haven for sicko’s anyway.
NIce comments
Moon Child
Comment by HyderabadChick on 16 September 2009:
“if you’re insecure about the reactions of Asians to blacks - it’s because you’re closed minded”
Ahh….always refreshing to know that my fears are really “just my problem”.
‘Cause it’s my crazy imagination that Asians themselves have repeatedly expressed disdain not only for dark skin for Africans and African Americans and the physical features common to both.
Asians live in a collective - community oriented culture - what??
Even if the guy might like black women, many are only interested in experimentation? - Nahhh
Some might be interested but are held back by the reactions of their communities? - Overstatement!
Obviously, all the black women who have experienced the above themselves - they’re just closed minded!
Thanks for those insights - Always great to receive an education about my mental defects as a black woman with fears.
Comment by Susan on 16 September 2009:
i’m black woman, and my husband is Vietnamese he is 5 year younger than me. We married for 11 year and we have 3 beautiful kids. There not many black/asian couples because for Asian men refer white, but not all of them. I want to say thank god for wonderful husband, and kids
Comment by amber on 20 September 2009:
i dont know about this one…sounds complex….they like white women and asian women best…my advice leave them totally alone.
Comment by IndoPak Boy on 20 September 2009:
I think that anyone who believes that Asians (Orientals from the Far East or Indians from India-Pakistan-like myself) and Blacks are going to get together and form a big cultural shift in inter-marraige are deluding themselves!!!
Black culture and situations are very different to Asians. Black culture is built around the idea of masculinity for men and `being strong` for women. In Asian cultures, the women are expected to be very feminine and men masculine in a more subtle and responsible way (e.g. getting an education, instilling values, successul marraige, etc.). Also, education is emphasized in all of Asian groups. Unfortunately, the perception- backed up with facts-shows blacks do poorly in this regard.
Physically, the two groups are completely apart. Blacks like full-figured women, big booties and disproportionate lips etc. Asians like their women a bit curvy (e.g. Indian and Pakistan) or very small and flat (e.g. Japan). However, one thing both Asians agree on is that they like `lighter`skin- especially on their women with long straight beautiful hair that is hard to come by in the Black community. For Asians, having dark skin (esp. like a black person) is the greatest form of offence. It is associated with low-class, dirty, and ugly rough people that work in the fields.
Believe me, I have been to India (over 1 year) and born in Pakistan and now living in Canada with many Asian (esp. Chinese) friends. Anyone who thinks that the cases sighted (of intermarraige) above are symbolic of a big trend is living a fantasy. Black women are generally the group held most in disfavour among Asians (heck, North Indians generally can`t stand the dark-skinned Tamils from the South). However, Black women generally don`t like us in return. Physically and intellectually, I don`t think we are meant to be with each other. I, for one, would never date a black or mulatto female and know a great many others!
Comment by shotgun007 on 21 September 2009:
The subject of this article has nothing to do with infusing the World by the Masses by that of a black women and Asian men couples. You missed the point entirely, IndoPakBoy.
One thing I agree on, some of my many black female friends would respectfully decline an Asian man’s advances or friendship altogether. Most of my friends say that they are not attracted to them because they appear to be weak, small/short, speak in broken English sentences, have problems communicating, abrasive-rude personalities, etc.
But then again, part of what you mentioned may give light to why Asian Women prefer White Men instead of Asian men. Perhaps it speaks to the Asian male population? Who knows?
I have found a few Korean men very attractive, I can’t say that for majority of the others that I’ve came into contact with.
I don’t think you’ll find too many black women selectively choosing an Asian male as a companion, so your dilemma is basically nonexistent.
Comment by Dove37 on 22 September 2009:
I am an african american woman who is dating an Asian man from Europe. I was never opposed to dating Asian men because of their similar yet not as hostile contribution they made to American as well. In spite of the historical standpoint my friend very nice. He is tall dark and I think handsome. He is generous and wants to learn more about black history. He is caring, strong and very respectable. He loves black women! There could be some validity to America racist views in terms of who belong together. However I don’t let that stop me. We travel to Europe and domesticly. He doesn’t understand why the U.S. is so prejudice because in Europe, they really don’t see color. Not like here. We are going to Turkey next year.
Comment by Dove37 on 22 September 2009:
Just to add, my asian man and I have been dating for 1 1/2 years. He is indonesian. His parents loved me from day one. Very nice family. They cook for me and pick up gifts for me when they travel and treat me like their daughter. All I have to say is that we black women are going to have to be more open in our views as to who we want as a mate. Our race of men is becoming more difficult to date (love my brothers). Very non-commital and some very insecure.
My asian guy tells me he loves me everyday. He loves the color of my skin (dark brown). He loves my intelligence. He loves my hair…short regular sister hair that require a perm after 2 months. He loves my lips, and is proud to be in my company. He calls me sexy,beautiful,loves my shape (butt), and enjoy eating collard greens.
Black women, try it you just might like it. (they may have to be a foreigner, but you never know, the American Asian men may work out as well. Society and a lot of our brothers have made black women look bad. It is truly unfortunate. But there is hope for good healthy relationships outside our race. Try it.
p.s. I have dated a couple of Indian (Asian) guys that did not work out. I stopped dating them because one smoked too much and religiously we were not compatible. Otherwise he was a nice guy. My Indian female friend stated that Indian guys can be very abusive mentally and physically. That could apply to some I’m sure but probably not all.
Comment by hello on 23 September 2009:
I just want to put this out there:
It used to be fun meeting women up until they thought it was fun to ridicule me for being an asian guy.
Comment by smiletellsit on 26 September 2009:
Have to agree with post by Salsera77 on 12 January 2008 about dating. I live on West Coast and the Asian women here are vicious when it comes to black women. An acquaintance is dating an Asian women. He’s black. She latched on to him and now she won’t leave. He can’t get rid of her. She’s got a thing for black guys, has a mixed black daughter and HATES black people. Love/hates her own daughter. She’s a mess. It’s a bad scene.
I’ve met Asian guys with an interest and was pursued at a time when I didn’t know the extent of their hatred for black people; thinking we’re inferior, that we’re oddities. Seem to buy into their own sense of superiority. Forgetting that people come in all types within each race/culture. Period.
There’s an article recently added about how Korean men are being paid now to marry interracial. Think Asian culture is finally understanding that not mixing isn’t doing any good.
Comment by Laconic on 26 September 2009:
Don’t worry PakoBoy. There are not a large contingent of Black women who want or begging Asian men to date them. Asian culture is notoriously racist anyway. Lou Jing is black and asian and even though her mother committed adultery, that girl has received a lot of abuse because she was half Blackhttp://www.asianoffbeat.com/default.asp?Display=2072
Thus with a people who are often monoracial and closed to races (except Whites of course) who are not like them, I for one don’t see a lot of Blacks running to Asians. Naturally Whites and Asians will continue to increase but they both have racial superiority mindset in common, in which they think they are better than everyone else.
Comment by SexyFoxyRoxy on 27 September 2009:
“Is it really true? You know the myth… I dont mean to be vulgar but that is the only thing that worries me, and both ways not just my pleasure but his as well.”
Help!
Dear Kitten,
To my knowledge it is not true but I’ve only been with one Asian man who is Filipino and Italian and even though he was only 5′7″…he was huge! Don’t mean to sound overt but you asked (lol)! I hope this helps!
SFR
Comment by My opinion on 30 September 2009:
I’m an African American Women alot of us are use to the masculinity of black men they are very passionate and affectionate. They are proud of their masculinity and like talking about sex and how they can make it happen. Black women are strong but black men are stronger. A Black Man will put a woman in her place when she’s out of line. Because of our history I think black women prefer black men because of their strenght. We can from nothing to something and share a common ground is why we refer to each other as brothers and sistere.
Comment by berrykiss91 on 2 October 2009:
I’m an African American Female, and I must say That I think that Asians are really attractive, always have and always will. Yeah in American some keep to their clichés and will probably look down at you if you try to join. But that’s the same if you try to go into any race clichés. I’ve dated countless Asians and loved every second of it, Im even thinking of going to Japan next summer, am treat bw as they are jewelry and sometimes are amazed at our color, I think that we as bw should give them a shot, and not brush them off because they need love to.
Comment by brina on 3 October 2009:
im black or carribean and my boyfriend is cambodian
Comment by leaveitobeavr on 3 October 2009:
Alright this could be interesting.Think of our world today.The media,computers,books,and where you live.These are the big reason why people have their negative opinions.The sterotyping of all nationalities will never play out.I’m the kind of guy who can find beauty in any woman.”MMMMM oh yeah baby.”If you want to be loved from someone other than your race.You will definetely have to pay a price.Ladies you can have what you like.The thing is are you strong enough to handle the drama. Asian men like blk women for real but you don’t hardly see it and when you do see it,its like rare.Why is it rare?One word.”Traditions”.All nationalites are face with the same issue and this is mostly common with the asians. Traditions are not to be broken yet i find myself breaking them.
Comment by aznfan on 4 October 2009:
The last guy I dated was American born Vietnamese. We met at an art gallery and we hit it off from there. It was funny because I thought he was cute, but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. While the whole time he was trying to figure out how to get my number. He was funny, smart, hella sexy in every way. I never felt uncomfortable when going out, granted it was the first time dating a different race(for him it was Black and for me Asian) Plus, there was an age difference. He thought I was 22 to his 26, but I’m 35 to his 26 and he didn’t care. He still thought I was hot and we both looked the same age. Trust me I don’t set out to date younger men. I just have freaky genetics…all the women in my family don’t look their age. I will be carded for the rest of my life and will never be respected by some older people in and out of the work place.
But I digress, he totally changed the way I look at Asian men. Even though I have relocated to another state, we have remained friends. I can’t wait to date another Asian man again. I’ve also found that learning about the culture in general helps in some situations and just being honest and asking questions help too.
Guys don’t be shy, ask us out. We think you’re hot!!
PS. If anyone seen Flashforward, there is an AM/BW relationship between John Cho and Gabrielle Union. She plays his fiancee.
Comment by david on 22 October 2009:
I am Vietnamese and I have dated outside my race my whole life. My parents are immigrants so the culture thing took alot of adjusting for them to do but they have adjusted quite well. Starting from when I was in 6th grade til now in college, I have dated majority black or hispanic girls. The very first few gfs I brought home, my parents were not happy. They used to tell me stuff like they would be ashamed to see me outside with that person of a different race and dumb stuff like that. Flash foward now they finally realize that interracial dating is normal. I think the biggest barrier in any interracial relationship is going to be culture. Whether its adjusting, assimilating, or experiencing another culture, it takes an open heart and mind. Long story but I just wanted to say I love black women, you are all beautiful and I think the pairing of us is a match made in heaven.
Comment by hallyustar on 28 October 2009:
i think you meant to say that asian women arent dating asian men and that black men arent dating black women.
AW are in high demand as spouses, as are BM.
Comment by Michie on 9 November 2009:
There’s a lot of great discussion and dialogue happening on this site! It’s nice to know there are other Black women who can appreciate the physical features and relationship potential in Asian men. I’m proud to see we are not all allowing the pressures of society, stigma from family and friends, and lack of exposure from media to hold us back from recognizing true love and purity in indviduals who do not look like us. Good job!! Black men have been allowed to venture out and create a comfortable image of themselves with other ethnicities. It’s our time too!
And this part addresses some of the post from people including Asian men who commented on Asian men not being attractive or being on the lower end of appealing. I am not sure how you all could have come to that conclusion… it’s somewhat confusing.
How about the facial features, like almost carved faces. I love men around my height 5′7 so another plus. Almost hairless, that’s attractive to some women. I could go into more but you really shouldn’t undermine yourselves just cause society and media do.
Looking forward to reading all this discussion all the way through. I plan on making this stuff my dissertation topic! *so in response to some people who say we don’t have degrees, that’s not true, some of us do and we use them to progress *hugz
Comment by Joe on 16 November 2009:
I think it’s the media to blame…particularly PORN, after all, where else can people fantasize?
Comment by Tengyal on 6 December 2009:
I am a asian man in a relationship with a black woman. It’s rare and i like it.
Comment by Blkprinc47 on 9 December 2009:
Interesting but it seems just as full of generalities has any other. I’m still confused by this non-sense that black men are running to white women when the overwhelming majority of African Americans in the U.S are married and dating each other. What further amazes me is the number of people on the site that don’t mind people dating interracially but are themselves promoting the same sterotypes about the people they won’t date because of their skin color as some of the racist you meet in the deep south.
Comment by MST on 9 December 2009:
Most of these posts refer to Asian men from China, Korean or Japan. How about Pacific Islanders? They are gorgeous!
Comment by Kellygirl on 10 December 2009:
okay how to put it how to put it??? one: not all black girls are Shanay-nay i.e hood rats (obviously). two: my family doesnt give a rats behind what race i date. three: i a very young black female who practically melts into butter at the thought of an asian guy. but have i dated one? no. there are NO asian men anywhere near me, but in the China 1 resturaunts ( i live in Detroit MI) i actually am not attracted to over masculine 10-foot penis men either (excuse my french). I love EVERYTHING about asians, and when i say everything, i mean everything. THE PROBLEM IS NOT THAT BLACK WOMEN DONT WANT YOU AND WHOEVER TOLD U THAT CAN KICK ROCKS AND BLOW BUBBLES!!! I think that (in my own opinion, so plz no comments) asian guys like us but are scared off by the hoodrat image that society has branded us women of color. BOTTOM LINE: GROW SOME BALLS AND APPROACH US!!! YOU WILL BE SUPRISED HOW MANY BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN ARE FOAMING AT THE MOUTH (exaggeration but you get my drift) TO BE WITH YOU!! email me any comments/ questions under the topic bf/am at destin3d2bfamous@yahoo.com
Comment by Observer on 14 December 2009:
There is such a wide range of black looks as well as asian looks, and who will be externally attracted to whom would vary greatly. But, my personal experience as a Caribbean woman with blended looks of African/East Indian/Native American has been clear interest shown by a number of East Indian guys and a couple of Korean guys. In all of these cases religious differences and family cultural expectations were barriers.
So, while I do find so many Asian guys to be super attractive, based on past experiences it just seems like a waste of time to even ponder that.
Comment by brownclown on 21 December 2009:
I agree with Kellygirl. Many, many black women are attracted to Asian men, including me. It seems that Asian men are not interested in us. Perhaps the ‘hoodrat’ image has taken its toll on them. Media portrayals of certain ethnic groups create indelible images in our minds.
Comment by pearlofgreatprice on 21 December 2009:
I just came across this site while researching something totally different and decided to see what’s up. Very interesting topic of conversation. The only comment I want to make at this time is that while living in this world, there will always be people who don’t want to see happiness among couples. No matter if they’re of the same race or if it’s an inter-racial relationship. I know the degrees of stupidity and inconsideration will vary because many people refuse to be color blind and are just plain jealous or stubborn. Yet, these naysayers will not change so readily, if at all. The couples who are in love, who are emotionally mature, have a mutual respect for each other, and have decided to share a future together will have to make the conscious effort to perservere, e.g. develop a strong backbone, thick-skin, and an unmoveable confidence in the decison that was jointly made.
Focus on being in this world, yet not of it when it comes to your relationship. There’s a way to let people know when they’ve crossed the line and it’s simply by telling them. It can be done without anger, eventually. A firm tone will always work.
My take on solid relationships is that, fools will always exist, yet true love is waiting for us to ignore the fools.
Comment by Tameka on 22 December 2009:
I have always been attracted to Asian men. If given the choice, I would have married an Asian man; however, Asian man never seem interested in women of color. They are more attracted to Blond haired European women.
I am more attracted to Asian men than I am to African men, because of there physical stature and intense eyes which is a symbol of strength and confidence. I guess I am no different from European American women who date African American men because of the symbolism behind darker skin.
Comment by hi on 29 December 2009:
weel, i like dating asian lady’s more then Black lady’s, why because black ladys r slut’s, and asian ladys aren’t. so u see
Comment by RAYNEDELAY on 30 December 2009:
Hi,
Shut the hell up! TROLL!
Comment by pearlofgreatprice on 1 January 2010:
Raynedelay, don’t be moved by the foolish words of this person whose views are so far ‘off base’ and such a ‘broad generalization’ that it’s warped.
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.
-Goethe
I’ve overheard (eavesdropped on brothers talking) and have also been told, personally, about asian ‘ladies’ from our fellow brothers who, while in the military were stationed throughout Asia. It was definitely a worldly education. The red light districts in those countries weren’t the only areas that were frequented, where those young men were welcomed.
P.S.-hi, there are dictionaries available to assist you with your spelling. Have a good day!
Comment by Yamii on 1 January 2010:
hi im 17 and im black pacific islander creole cajun etc so is my whole family i love asian guys since elementary school so since im so diverse in what i am i dont have the pressure as other people do to marry in thier race primarly because im so many things i just think that even though ur familys might be upset that you date and or marry outside your race dosent mean you shouldnt do it because its going to be you who wakes up every morning to the person you marry u who has to look them in the face everyday not ur friends not ur family you so go for whatever you truly what and anybody thats says they dont like seeing interracial couples nobody asked you to be lookin step kick rocks keep on push because it is none of your businuss who people what to date so keep your coments to so self noboy said you had to date them. but anyway date who you think you would what to wake up in the morning to
ps.the the person called hi, i just wanted to say i think it was very rude of you to say that all black girls are sluts thats like saying all asians look alike or all whites are boring and named bill and martha so like the saying goes if you dont have something nice to say dont say anything at all.
Comment by MissArtTeacher on 3 January 2010:
I’m a 21 year old African American woman living on the East coast and I have always been attracted to East Asian (I’m a little disturbed that no has made this distinction as there is a major difference between East Asian and Southeast Asian culture) men but have NEVER been approached by one. If I were I don’t think I would even know what to do with myself.
I hate to suggest something so exclusive, but the only way to prove that African American women and Asian men can come together to make sweet, sweet interracial love would be to start up a dating site made specifically for that purpose. When that does happen I will sign up immediately!
Comment by SCash on 4 January 2010:
I am a black woman who until recently, was in a relationship with a Chinese man. The relationship lasted a little over a year, and although it was not perfect, was the best relationship I’ve been in as we understood each other on levels that previous partners had failed to. It went without being said directly, but I know that the fact that I am black was an issue for his parents, his father especially. His father had assumed I was white until seeing a picture of me, and dismissed the relationship as something that was not serious. I feel as though this was one of the main reasons for him ending it, and that smaller contributing factors were used as an excuse. He’ll never admit this of course, and has insulted my intelligence by assuming I’m not perceptive enough to see it. It has knocked my confidence considerably, as well as anger me. I guess I was naive in assuming it would work out, living in a diverse city and seeing interracial relationships working on a daily basis. I have never been the most confident, but have managed to get by. But being made to feel like you’re essentially not good enough for a serious relationship is enough to tear anyone to shreds, especially when you’ve let your guard down for that person. What annoys me the most is the fact that there are people that are / will be relieved by the fact that we are no longer together. People that probably had the very same attitude towards the relationship and towards me. I know for a fact that he was not used to having someone that challenged him, but embraced the fact for the most part and enjoyed being kept on his toes. I wouldn’t call myself what people may deem to be a stereotypical black woman, but I’m also not one to keep it buttoned when I feel like something needs to be said. Looking back, all the signs were there to suggest that he was perhaps a little embarrassed by it all, which is sad really and very hurtful. The damage that has been done will take a long time to repair. The next guy to step up to the plate has a lot to contend with!
Comment by brownclown on 5 January 2010:
SCash,
What happended to you is so very unfair. It’s terrible how society through the media pressures men to steer clear of long-term committments to black women. It’s quite ok to sex us…but to marry or make a long-term committment requires a bold man with the courage to act on his own values and desires rather than be influenced by family and peers. Unfortunately such a man is rare.
I am sending positive wishes your way. I hope that the shell shock is short-lived and that you find the positive lessons from this experience and the strength to love and be loved again. Asians are ‘minorities’ too so they often lack the confidence to lead. Just my humble opinion.
Comment by jinboo on 5 January 2010:
I’m a Black man looking for an Asian woman, and I have Black women for the exchange, lol.
Comment by Eddy on 5 January 2010:
Wow, what a great topic. I’m filipino male living in Canada and my first girlfriend in high school was a tiny carribean girl. She had dark skin, braids and an amazing body. We were both very shy and spoke on the phone for hours and hung out for weeks as “friends”. When one day it just made sense to hold hands and kiss when we ever we were together. I honestly thought I would end up marrying this girl.
I don’t have a preference for girls of a specific race as I’ve pretty much dates across the board, black, latina, white. Though I’ve never seriously date any asian girls I am not opposed to it. Though I don’t think I’d get along with the FOB’s and the white washed ones generally think asian guys are ugly.
I think it’s stupid to generalize and give into stereotypes. I’m still a shy guy though I’ve been told I’m very good looking and a great catch but living in a society that does accept the stereotypes makes it difficult for me to emotionally enter into a relationship.
Anyway, a couple of months ago, I got into an incident with a lady driving a bmw. Anyway, she called me an asshole, I called her a bitch and we went back and forth until she left. So to make a long story short even though she ended up slashing my tires, the fact that she was black and I was asian never once entered into the argument (when it easily could have). And to be totally honest she was actually really hott!!
Comment by Benngl- Afri on 6 January 2010:
The African women of the continent and those of the Diaspora are abeautiful race of people. We should however look at our fathers face and appreciate him and find a good African man to be involved with, whether he is of the ontinent or the diaspora of the Caribbean, or from the African American ones ore Brazilian or French or what everelse have you of us African peoples ofthe World. None-the-less, a good choice of an Asian man would be a darn good thing. Whether he is of the subcontinent of Asian or China/Korea/Japan/Viet Nam/Taiwan or other part of Asia. The Subcontinent of Asia - India rarely get into the African very much unless they are in the Caribbean basin/region. But that can be a good match also.
But many of these people need to inform/educate themselves as to the goodness and kindness of all peoples especially African peoples. We always spread out or Red carpets and Gpld ones too but many people lookdown their stupid noses at some Africans. Yes wherever we are we are an African people, an African Race. the continent or the diaspora.
Comment by BlackCowboy on 7 January 2010:
I as a handsome black lad have seen VERY FEW Asian-Canadian
lasses I’d date because so few are voluptuous.
Comment by LabelMePretty on 10 January 2010:
What i don’t get is why its such a big deal i personally think its a beautiful thing. As an African American woman (single) would love to date an Asian man(key word single Ahahaha!) the way i see it is God is our only judge so why judge each other?…im not attracted to AM beause they are Asian but because they have awsome goals and morals in life and i believe they treat there wives\girlfriends good i want to be treated goo so it really doesn’t matter to me be if could choose i would prefer an Asian man…:)
Comment by deann on 12 January 2010:
@ jinboo, I take that bet and I will be the one who comes out on top. Now laugh at that.
Comment by deann on 12 January 2010:
Correction….I will take that bet, jinboo.
Comment by deann on 12 January 2010:
@ Scash, that was not your issue. However, move on do not fall into a rut. Next.
Comment by deann on 12 January 2010:
@ hi, Most Asian women prefer educated men and that you are obviously not. So, you are calling your Mother and sisters sluts? I sure hope they know how you feel about them. I wish young bw knew how some young bm felt about them.
Comment by teikyo30 on 14 January 2010:
Most Asian women I see will only date Black men. I think it’s because they think Black guys all have big dicks, and maybe because a lot of Black men degrade women and that makes them feel like they’re in the right pecking order.
Comment by SCash on 14 January 2010:
@brownclown - Thanks for the kind words. And I agree, being a minority himself, he has come across a lot of prejudice, much more than I ever have to be honest. He was terribly insecure and ‘joked’ about me running off with a black man! The humour was used to mask his insecurity clearly!
@deann - Do you mean that the situation to do with his parents was ‘not my issue’?
Comment by homesteader on 15 January 2010:
deann ;
The ones that know are seeking here .
Comment by Meme on 19 January 2010:
I think it would be good for African American women to date Asian men. If you ladies see an Asian Man talk to him, become his friend and then make your move into a relationship and see where it goes.
As for me, I am a mixed puerto rican/black american man I dated an Asian woman and it was a wonderful experience! Although we were more geared to be friends than romantic lovers we are still good friends to this day and she is currently married to an African American man.
For a few years I had given up on dating Black Women, the reason why is I was just tired of it “not working out”, and as I dated women of other races (chinese, irish and indian) I learned it was the kind of women I was dating which was the problem not the race of the woman. I noticed I dated the same kind of woman over and over with the same qualities and when I chose to date someone totally different than what I was used to it worked out!
Today I am happily with a Jamaican woman, she’s 31 sexy and very intelligent. Even if this relationship doesn’t work out for some reason or another I will NEVER totally refuse to date a woman based on her race. Which leads me to another comment, I think the thing that hurts the most about people who only date one race or the other is there are some things that we can change as human beings in this life. Such as intelligence, earning potential, becoming a better person emotionally, etc
But a person’s RACE ??? That’s the one thing you can never change, the only one that came close and had the money and desire to do it was Michael Jackson yet even he wasn’t successful.
Comment by DrNini on 22 January 2010:
I am a black female and personally, I have never dated an Asian man because the option never presented itself. The only men that have ever really approached me are black and hispanic men. I have been friends with men of different races, but none of my white or asian male friends have ever tried to take it to that level. I love men of all races, shapes, and sizes. As long as our personality matches then we’re good. But, it seems like there is a serious double standard. Black males and asian women will date any race under the sun, but if their counterparts do the same then in comes the stares and rolling eyes; at least where I’m from. Also, although most of the men that I have dated have been black men I must say that Sung Kang, from Toyko Drift could have a shot. I love manly men!!! Date who you want, love who you want, just don’t base it off of race because at the end of the day people are people. Stereotypes aren’t always true. Ask Tiger.
Comment by Suzie Q on 3 February 2010:
I would NEVER EVER date a asian man. I dont find them attractive and will not force myself to be with one just for a good looking child.
Comment by JustHoping on 5 February 2010:
I’m about to have my sixteenth birthday in the next two weeks. So yes I am fairly young and yes most people believe that teenagers do not understand love and cannot feel it, but I think different. Honestly I love asain guys, and it does actually bother me that I don’t see that many Asains with Black women. I agree with Kimpab when he said you shouldn’t go looking for people because of ethnicity but honestly you want to be attracted to the person yet, still have so much love for them. Well honestly I can say I am attracted to Asain men. Do not get me wrong I love other races too, it’s just that well to be frank, its just that I’m just REALLY attracted to asians I don’t know what else to say about that I JUST am <333
Comment by REALLADY on 8 February 2010:
To comment on JustHoping: Don’t worry about how and why you feel the way you do and don’t try and fight it. I have always been attracted to Asian men myself. I’m talk bad about it by some of my friends and at one time I begin to feel bad about my attraction for them and couldn’t understand why me and why can’t I be just attracted to black men as I am Asian men. I first of all would never reject any man because of his race and I am not holding out just for an Asian man either. But one thing I have learned is that I will not let anyone’s judgement of my perference get me down. I am who I am and I’m proud of who I am. I’m a black woman but more importantly I’m a human being. Have a happy birthday lady.
Comment by Tina on 15 February 2010:
the truth of the matter is that asian men prefer not to date black women! in their culture, they have a caste system, and guess who is the lowest of the low (you guessed right- black skinned people)!- if you look at most matrimonial ads in india today, there is a strong preference for light skinned ladies. I simply think asian men are too insular and worry too much about what their families think if they date black women
Comment by Chinegro on 16 February 2010:
My mother is black and my father is Chinese. I do have a hard time with my racial identity. Honestly, I put down black for scholarships, because smart Asians are a dime a dozen and I only flinch sometimes. Do any other people of mixed race who don’t necessarily look like a lot like either side have this issue? Moving on, personally, I don’t find it a problem that I can’t firmly say “I am a black woman” or “I am a Chinese woman” nor do I even feel like I’m mixed. I don’t see race when I look in the mirror and don’t feel that I make decisions based on my racial culture and can look beyond color in other people. So, I think it’s a good thing, being mixed how I am, because I’ve never been racist against anyone, knowing from a personal standpoint, that race doesn’t have to influence your thoughts and actions and if they do, then so be it. I’ve never been able to assimilate amongst Asians or African Americans, but I don’t care, because that way people come talk to me because they like me, not because they see a fellow race-buddy.
Comment by muslimman on 18 February 2010:
I’m of south asian descent. However, being muslim and grown up in new york, i’ve dated without much thought given to race. I find black women to be extremely attractive and the day I can get to know well a black woman who is interested in family and marriage, i’ll be a happy man. I wish there was some sort of dating site like that though.
Comment by Wayner on 21 February 2010:
Lots of beautiful people on this site. I’m AM, 39, and I had a black girlfriend 3 years ago. On top of that, she was 2 years older than me. That was a surprise to my family, but hey, it’s my life. To this day, I’ve yet to see any AM/BF in NY. We use to get a stare from time to time, but mainly from BM in Brooklyn.
I didn’t notice BF so much until after we started dating. She was very flirtatious with me at my best friend’s wedding, and that’s what got my attention. I could not stop noticing BF ever since.
I just love their curves, and that many have that cushion. I’m not says a lot of cushion, cause that’s not attractive, but just more than AF. I guess I like to see that curvy figure. It’s very sexy. I’m not into skin and bones. BF have the look that’s exotic to me, and I guess that’s why I’m attracted by them. I’m still single in Queens, NY…Still working. Hey, it’s a rough economy. What can I say.
Comment by josophine on 23 February 2010:
i think asian men are selfish they dont want to date black women ,idont know why.may be i should get response from asian men.
Comment by Eva on 23 February 2010:
I must say that i overlooked AM at one time b/c of the stereotype of their being short in the bedroom. I am dating a handsom filipino man and he’s a complete gentleman and hard worker. We are planning our future together. He loves me for me and i him, we want to start a family, but our finances are the priority before anything else. I’m currently a full time student and so is he. He’s strong and caring and yes i have gotten the stares from my own. It is hurtful to see and hear what people say. At this point we dont’ care anymmore. My BF don’t listen to everyone or the stereotype AM are sexy and attractive you just have to find the right person for you.
Mahal Kita (Love You) in filipino.
I hear this from my man all the time and i tell him it every morning. We are very happy with each other.
Comment by jamesinarizona on 8 March 2010:
hello,
im an asian male and pretty good looking. ive dated primarily outside of my race and am currently dating a black woman. shes actually the third black woman ive dated.
for the most part, i do get a bunch of stares when i walk around with whoever it is im dating. ive dated primarily white, but this just happened because of circumstances and it isnt something i sought out exclusively.
the girl im currently seeing is 12 years my junior and very attractive. we get a lot of stares (not because of the age difference, i actually look just as young as her) but because of the fact that we’re a mixed couple.
black men will snicker about how “they are losing one of their own” or “how my small asian dick can satisfy her”. asians will wonder “doesnt she smell like bad?” or “arent you worried that your kids will turn out black?”
me personally, i dont give a crap what race i eventually end up marrying. everyone is always walking around with some sense of racial and cultural pride, i could care less. bottom line is, no one is right and no one has the right answers to life…except for YOU! as long as youre not out there being a dick, live your life the way YOU need to. end of story.
Comment by bbincali on 11 March 2010:
I am a black female. I walked through a college campus and a shopping mall and asked asian males their opinon on Asian men and Black female couples. These are of some of the comments I received:
I think it’s all about change. Yes, I do think that Asian men and Black females are rare today, but there was a time when many different races coupled together were rare to see. Some Asian men are afraid of change, not willing to change, or want to test the waters, but don’t have a clue of how to do it. As time goes on, change does happen. In today’s world people are looking more and more at the heart and not at the skin when it comes to finding love. I believe it’s just a matter of time before Asian men and Black women will not be such a rare occurance.
-Jin, 38
I have to admit that I’m a young, goodlooking Asian guy and not ready to settle down, so I date. I date all races of women and one day if I happen to fall in love with a black women then it is what it is.
-Ricky, 21
When I was a young man, I was reprimand for falling in love with a Chinese girl. My mother was outraged. Rather than lose face with my family, I broke it off and later married a Japanese girl of my parent’s choosing. Tradition was number one in my family back then. That was then and this is now. I have a grand-son that I I didn’t see until he was two-years old, because I was outraged at the fact that my son married a black woman. One day a delivery person came to my house and placed a large box on my floor. I noticed the box moved a little and the top was not sealed. When I opened the top a little boy stood up and said “Gran pop.” I love my grand-son, and my daughter-in-law. As they say, love has no boundries.
-K., 67
I have always dated Caucasian women. I have never had the opportunity to date a Black woman.
-Larry, 32
Ok, I’m a gay Asian man, so I don’t date women at all, but I do have Black women friends who always say that Asian men are so shy and they are scared to step to a Black female. Now on the other hand my straight Asian men friends say they think that most Black women are very aggressive. Well I tell the gals that if they see an Asian Poppy who won’t make the first move then they need to start stepping to them. And for the AP’s, I say, Are you afraid of a strong woman? You need to show her that you can thrown it down just like a brother or a white boy. And that’s my truth! Heeey!
-Chino, 31
Comment by Asa on 12 March 2010:
I am a straight Asian guy, let me give you some insight into why you don’t see Asian men dating out that much.
I know Asian women who love to be “libera”, “open minded”, and “color blind”, but there are no such thing, because they discriminates against their own and other minorities.
I don’t believe in “love is colorblind”. I don’t have strick parents, I just don’t like mainstream American culture that pressured minorities to date out inorder to be accepted, while white people can be racist and selective if they want to.
Asian men should date black women because they feel they are left out of American love market, and vice versa. Asian men and black women are a KKK white supremacist dream, because it affirms their racial superiority. Since these two group are undesirable in mainstream American eyes, they somehow should get together or go extinct. Frankly, I don’t give a s*** about Americna culture. I rather live in my own small community than be a dog in another.
Call me small minded, but that is what Malcolm X advocated, and if black people listened they would be better off than they are now. Look at how many black males are in jail and when they do get successful they married white women and go broke spending it all in the white community. What does that leave black women?