I’m always blogging about how White guys are getting the hot Asian women… but lets not forget Black guys dating White women.
Black woman-Asian man couples are like considered rare in the US… sometimes even ridiculed as poor matches by whites, blacks and Asians alike. Is this combo freakish as some people who have never seen such a couple put it?
One thing that made me sit and think for a moment is… “Are there fewer white men that are willing to date black women… and even fewer white women willing to date Asian men?” It’s like Black women and Asian men are being left on the sideline when it comes to the interracial dating game. So why is this? Following what most people say, would I be right to conclude that most Black women and Asian men probably aren’t interested in dating outside of their own race?
I believe when people finally get over their rigidity and put a human face to black woman-Asian man relationships eventually they will respect this combo as much as most Americans accept and even laud some other types of interracial unions.
Well I think this would be one viable option to consider in interracial dating… Black women and Asian men should start dating each other more. What do you make of it?
Tags: Black woman-Asian man, black dating site, interracial dating site
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Comment by anai on 13 July 2008:
Wow this has been an very intriguing conversation to say the least. I will say being a new member that I wanted to see what this site had to offer with asian men in particular. Sterotypes are thick and heavy in the asian and black community ironically those are the two most imitated cultures every where you turn something iconic is portrayed in the media with a black or asian theme - and they do this because it sells , eg. Rush Hour!!! culture is not based on what you think it should be but its based on the way its community richly embraces their own traditions. I love these kinds of discussions especially with fellow intelligent women that convey their opinions with such vitality and grace
Comment by Kemba on 15 July 2008:
I just figured since black women dont look european, there was no interest on the side of asian men to seek us out. Usually I see them with women that meet the “european” standard of beauty.
Comment by Aurorin on 15 July 2008:
I love all good men. I am attracted to Asian men as much as I am attracted to any other men. I do actually believe that it is no coincidence that Asian men and women aren’t seen together much on television or in the movies. Asian men have been under-sexualized, whereas we black women have been over-sexualized in the media. Both sets of stereotypes are detrimental to our respective reputations (as people tend to believe whatever they see or hear from the media). If there is mutual attraction, we should see more AM/BF couples. From many of the responses here, I think it’s safe to assume that some AM are asking BF out on dates.
My cousin married a 1st generation Chinese man in the late 1960s and they are still happily married. I never thought to ask her if she suffered any prejudice. I would imagine, that prejudice is inevitable no matter what you do, if you’re dating interracially. If this is your preference (to date interracially), I think you may actually already be prepared for stares, ridicule, or difficulties with families.
Family traditions and customs are of course the most difficult to break, especially when family ties may get severed in the process. I believe that the reason we don’t see more now is due to personal preferences that are based upon negative stereotypes of each other. This can change and I hope that it does.
Comment by Momo-byon on 31 July 2008:
I am a black female who obsesses over Asian guys! All of my friends are into Asian guys but we just don’t really care about dating. Staring at them from afar is good enough…anyway, i am very Afro-centric and i believe that the main cause as to why AM/BF aren’t getting together much is due to Colonialism. Im 18 but i study up on race relations (although i don’t believe in races or ethnicities. If you don’t know this well…we all migrated out of Africa so technically everyone is black…take a good look at most Asian noses…) and ive read many different blogs that tell how its beautiful in most Asian countries for their women to be pale. Colonialism has played with the minds of every ‘Far Descendant of Africa’ and i think its a pity most can’t see beyond the propaganda. I firmly believe that as long as a non-white person lives in America, they could never fully achieve pride within their own skin. Look at commercials carefully. Look at who they portray as ‘beautiful’ in the media…nuff said…
Comment by Don Juan wannabe on 8 August 2008:
Ladies…if you want to date asian men…just ask them out. Yes some black men will be annoyed seeing you with them but so what?! If it makes you happy then you should do it.
In my life experience…all men of all races have their share of racists.
Living in Korea…a lot of white guys I knew were messed with by asian men when they dated asian women. I personally dealt with my own drama from black men when I was walking down the street with a beautiful black woman. And most of the time she was just a friend.
And a another friend of mine who dated a hispanic girl encountered problems with hispanic men etc.
But its not as bad as it used to be. Yes I still get a couple stares from time to time but its not all the time.
Most people of all races really…don’t care. I know a lot of white guys who hook up black guys with white girls and that was during the end of the nineties. We’re in 2008.
What I’m trying to say is if you want to date outside your race..go ahead. But I read in some comments that some of you feel that you won’t be accepted. That’s…ridiculous. The majority of the public will accept it because they are USED to seeing it and deep down…they don’t care. Those of you who think otherwise..I’m really sorry to say this…but maybe you’re a little prejudiced yourself.
Comment by Mia on 8 August 2008:
What the hell!… Shojigirl.. lol… what you wrote shows that you were fighting yourself then and now as a black women and your race. How dare you even suggest or had the nerve to post that nonsense and expected people to take you serious.
As a confident, high self esteem and educated American-West Indian. In my opinion you are a slave within yourself being someone you are not. You conditional yourself for your cause don’t give your opinion to young women because you are making them sell themselves short of not being who there are.. We as women today will not sell ourselves short for whatever reason. I am quite sure when you get around your family or friends the one you had before you met your “husband? you are different. That if you having dumped them already. When you put down your race in front of this man or any man from a different culture you make them see only that behavior. Asia history shows just like all race men have not respect women in any form. But their history shows women as sex toys.
As a professional or don’t let me forget an “Educated? one to at that on the way to law school. I would never ever put down my sister or give them that BBBSSSSSS opinion or make a remark in that sense. Opinion or not. You sound as if you are still fighting for your marriage. You need to be more positive as a “True women? and don’t hate for now in this era Asia men are not putting us through what you went through during your time. As for your check off list here is my “OPINION?.
Be more soft spoken, at times.
Ans. What this garbage… soft spoken it bed talk that is how you sound or are you talking about how we talk to a child.
Be less aurgumentive, because Asian men don’t like drama, nor do they like their women to openly express in public (out of respect).
Aurgumentive most Asian women do just that and it’s always about money. So what are you talking about?
Wear your own hair, when possible.
Please now it doesn’t matter fake or real as long as it looks good. Asian men don’t care anymore. White women have for sometime wearing it. Like Cher back in the 60’s and 70’s she even said it wasn’t her hair.
Stay fit and slender, not fat
Stay fit to be healthy of course but not just to keep a “man’
Femine appearance, as in a very girlish. Japs like that
What do they want a child as a wife. Looking good of course. Not timid. What the deal with the “Japs? remark. That is very offensive to say.
Be educated as most of us are
Educated in all sense for the right reason to better yourself.
They like shyness, but with opportunity (be open to things)
Open to what things? And Why act like you are shy?
Appreciate the little things (not what u think)
What little things? Like what do say.
Be a giver (rub him, sweat talk him, feed him(whatever he wants)
Most women are giver we bear children it’s in our genes. “Giving him whatever he wants? your concept may be sick.
Funny, cool and alittle crazi n bed.
Sounds like a play that has been going on for 11years.
Comment by Mia on 8 August 2008:
A good friend of mine just read the post and he said that the person comments sounds like the person is asian and speaking as a “third person”. so you are right worthurwhile the person is looking to see what is being said. “be-4 I slither away” sounds like a man than a woman and “angry black women” It is obvious he/she is packing pounds and self hate.
Comment by High Risk on 8 August 2008:
OK, back to the post. I’m an Asian male and have been with my Black wife since 1979. We are having an excellent life. Over the decades, we’ve gotten the occasional double take from older Asian and Black women. The younger generation doesn’t seem to have a problem. After reading the blogs, apparently Starthai has personal issues with Asians in one dental office. Please don’t make an opinion of a whole ethnic group. Diyal, if people stare, who cares. Simon123, you are beautiful, you’ll find someone. The bottom line is if you care for each other, who cares what other people think.
Comment by man of wisdom on 10 August 2008:
Ladies, why are you discussing this? If you’re attracted to an asian man…just go for it and ask them out.
When I was in college decades ago…I liked black women. I asked a young black woman out who seemed to like me. I overheard her being grilled about dating outside her race by 3 black men. Of these three black men…at least two were dating outside their own race. I found this to be hypocrytical of them.
Well she noticed me overhearing the conversation and she followed me after I took off. She explained back in 1994 that she felt she couldn’t marry outside her race because it wouldn’t be fair to her future kids or something. Therefore she didn’t want to date outside her race. But she would date me if I would have been black.
Well it kinda sucked but I figured there was nothing I could do about it. Also I was too much of a wuss to pursue her.
Anyway my point is….you don’t want regret in your life. I let a couple racist black guys convince me I didn’t have a chance to date outside my race.
So all these years have passed by and the sad thing is..when I met a new black or asian girl that I liked…I was too afraid to ask them out. I didn’t think I had a chance. But I look back to at least a couple girls that I MIGHT have been very happy with but never dated. So..please learn from my regrets….if you have the hots for an asian guy you work with or etc…ask them out.
Don’t have regrets like me.
Comment by wiseone on 10 August 2008:
Ladies, why are you discussing this? If you’re attracted to an asian man…just go for it and ask them out.
When I was in college decades ago…I liked black women. I asked a young black woman out who seemed to like me. I overheard her being grilled about dating outside her race by 3 black men. Of these three black men…at least two were dating outside their own race. I found this to be hypocrytical of them.
Well she noticed me overhearing the conversation and she followed me after I took off. She explained back in 1994 that she felt she couldn’t marry outside her race because it wouldn’t be fair to her future kids or something. Therefore she didn’t want to date outside her race. But she would date me if I would have been black.
Well it kinda sucked but I figured there was nothing I could do about it. Also I was too much of a wuss to pursue her.
Anyway my point is….you don’t want regret in your life. I let a couple racist black guys convince me I didn’t have a chance to date outside my race.
So all these years have passed by and the sad thing is..when I met a new black or asian girl that I liked…I was too afraid to ask them out. I didn’t think I had a chance. But I look back to at least a couple girls that I MIGHT have been very happy with but never dated. So..please learn from my regrets….if you have the hots for an asian guy you work with or etc…ask them out.
Don’t have regrets like me.
Comment by CandyKane on 11 August 2008:
Daniel Henney can kiss my ass. Will Demps trumps Danny boy’s looks anyday.
With that said. I never looked at it in the way that a poster from way back put it. The males in the families are looked upon to carry on the family name, so for real, like the sons will marry within their the race more.
My boyfriend doesn’t care about that though, he’s Korean and Japanese and is dropping hints of wanting “pretty skinned kids with huge afros.” Oh lawd. x.x
Comment by CandyKane on 11 August 2008:
High Risk, I just gotta say the part in your somment about not using one bad experience with people of a certain race to mark off that whole race is noteworthy.
I’ve known alot of people to do that and that is just very idiotic of them and anyone who does such a thing. It’s much like the people who watch the music videos or movies and think that everyone from the race depicted is like that in real life. Gees, how narrow-minded and naive.
Comment by question on 12 August 2008:
After reading Asian Guy’s comment I thought it was ignorant, offensive and prejudicial. It was an untruthful statement.
I will never understand how some people whether they be asian, black, hispanic, white, arabic, jewish, muslim, christian etc…
can see prejudice in everyone else but themselves?!?
To be truly open-minded is to see your own mistakes or prejudicial views.
Comment by eastbay on 12 August 2008:
Im asian
i look good
the ladys call me fione
Born and raised out here in Thee Bay area of cali. Diverse in every way. Been did and done that with all kinds of women of different background race etc. In my eyes color of race was never a big factor. I’ve always been attracted to black girls. Been with 3 and only considered 1 of them serious. I guess not all asian men out there got balls or game to speak to a lady of color. But there are asian men out there who can. Like me.
baby giiirl whats ur name…let me talk to u lemme buy u a drink
we in the bed like oooooooh oooooh
Comment by eastbay on 12 August 2008:
i don’t see color all i see is beauty
Comment by mia on 12 August 2008:
Eastbay…lol.. haha You’re crazy but it’s good to know there are men out there that are not scare of us(Carribbean/African-American women).
so it took you three to make a one woman. funny guy…..
Comment by vonn1200 on 12 August 2008:
It seems like all the opened minded asian men live way on the west coast. That’s such a disappointment.
Comment by singledad73 on 14 August 2008:
Everbody on here, put some great stuff, There was one comment in there about having a crush on someone of a color..To me if you see some one you like, you gotta step to the plate. I’d rather hear a “not interested, then to be left wondering” And can anyone give me any pointers on how to approach a black woman, like at a mall or at a well lite park, usually I just the “hi” part and poof rebuffed!
Comment by what? on 16 August 2008:
who’s leaving out who? I’m sorry but I really don’t see the point of this discussion.
You’re either attracted to other races or you are not. White women are probably the most open minded about dating outside their race.
Most black women at least… in one point in time had a prefernce to date only black men. I don’t know what changed that opinion but I know they were not left out.
As for asian men…I’m pretty sure they don’t have a problem dating outside their race. When it comes to men….whether they be black, asian, white, hispanic or whatever share one thing….shallowness. We love beautiful women. If she is attractive…we like her. Period.
Comment by mia on 17 August 2008:
I think we as caribbean women have always looked saw Asian men as just men nothing else. American Black women are starting to see the same. Don’t be so hard on.
Comment by uphoria3 on 23 August 2008:
I find this funny on how discussed this topic is. I’ve found a lot of sites that asks these question: “are Asian men and black women being left out of the dating game?” “are Asian men attracted to black women?” “are black women attracted to Asian men?” “are black women and Asian men considered unattractive?”.
they have studies on it, i’m pretty sure they have books and classes on it, but what it all comes down to, to me, is interracial relations or cross culturalization. how we interact with each other and how do we see each other.
I could give you every story in the book of some type of stereotypical situation, shows of prejudiced, or xenophobia, but to make it simple people are just people and ignorance is bliss. I’ve had friends from Brazil ask my Asian friend if it was true that Asian women had horizontal vaginas; totally innocent, but still ignorant.
I’ve had an Asian guy come up to me ans smell me and go back and tell his other Asian friends that black women don’t stink.
I’ve had a white lady talk to me on the phone and then met me in person and tell me on the phone i sounded white and give me a suspicious stare as if my name and voice couldn’t possible belong to a black girl. After my interview she said I’m must be from the Caribbean because only they talk and act so well and professional; and she felt totally okay saying it to me like i was supposed to be pleased.
Comment by uphoria3 on 23 August 2008:
I find this funny on how discussed this topic is. I’ve found a lot of sites that asks these question: “are Asian men and black women being left out of the dating game?” “are Asian men attracted to black women?” “are black women attracted to Asian men?” “are black women and Asian men considered unattractive?”.
they have studies on it, i’m pretty sure they have books and classes on it, but what it all comes down to, to me, is interracial relations or cross culturalization. how we interact with each other and how do we see each other.
I could give you every story in the book of some type of stereotypical situation, shows of prejudiced, or xenophobia, but to make it simple people are just people and ignorance is bliss. I’ve had friends from Brazil ask my Asian friend if it was true that Asian women had horizontal vaginas; totally innocent, but still ignorant.
I’ve had an Asian guy come up to me ans smell me and go back and tell his other Asian friends that black women don’t stink.
I’ve had a white lady talk to me on the phone and then met me in person and tell me on the phone i sounded white and give me a suspicious stare as if my name and voice couldn’t possible belong to a black girl. After my interview she said I’m must be from the Caribbean because only they talk and act so well and professional; and she felt totally okay saying it to me like i was supposed to be pleased.
the point is, it’s up to each and everyone of us to be open minded individuals. Discussions like this i don’t take as offense, although most of my friends do, because it shows me times are changing and discourses such as these are important to encourage that change.
Comment by uphoria3 on 23 August 2008:
I digressed; I am a black woman that has always had an interest in Asian men. I’m constantly ridiculed because of it (now instead of being called Oreo, I’ve upgraded to Boston creme donut, lol). Each time I’ve been told “they look like girls, they smell funny, they have funny teeth, their short, they have small packages, they are too weak, their families are too strict, they’re nerds, your kids will come out looking funny, your suppose to be with a black guy, etc…” (that last one is my particular favorite) but that didn’t change anything for me, i like what i like; I’m not attracted to black men (never had a good relationship with them)and at this point anything else would be preferable.
i always felt that black women were breed to only want or like black men, which is fine, but only if you can honestly tell me that it’s a preference and not a bias. Like whatever you want is what i say, but don’t look down on me because our tastes are not the same.
From day one my mom told me that one day i will grow up and find a fine black man (always was specific) and i was never once encouraged or supported during any of my outside race relationships, so i always felt in the wrong. Now that I’m older I’m ashamed for thinking so.
the only Asian guy i ever dated was Cambodian, i was 16 and he was 23. we dated on and off for 4 years (we were also engaged on and off for 3 of those years.) he was pretty old fashion and his family didn’t like me, expect for his 18 year sister who studied in mulan. We ended badly because of cultural differences (he wanted me to stay home, i wanted to go to college, grad and law school, and work at a law firm; disaster is what happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable force.) and him being a major butthole, but that hasn’t ruined my perception of Asian men, it was just one bad experience. So all those women who said i told you so know where to stick it.
i think black women need to stop holding on to this hope that there are enough IBM (ideal black men) to go around for them and become open minded like everybody else. Statistics have shown when it comes to dating white and black men are the most open minded and black women and Asian men are the least open minded. Not everyone has to jump on the interracial train, but you at least have to try something different because you never know, I’m always pleasantly surprise when it comes to trying something new.
Comment by defcon on 28 August 2008:
black-asian love is a beautiful thing!
Im a vietnamese guy and i’ve always been attracted to black women and culture. i have been dating many black females and it has never been difficult dealing with family or what people say. well i guess cause i was the type that didnt give a ish when it comes to love..anyways if you like that person then like them for who they are…
I have been asked from asian guys about black women. they always have the typical notions they hear or see, that makes it difficult for them to approach or to be with.
im saying guys go for it black girls need their asian persuation! lol
I have a cousin that is married and they have blasian kids that are so beautiful!
so make more blasians people
Comment by Starthai on 6 September 2008:
High Risk said:
“Starthai has personal issues with Asians in one dental office. Please don’t make an opinion of a whole ethnic group. Diyal, if people stare, who cares.”
Oh really, so your going to deny that a great percentage of Asians think very low of Blacks. I’m not buying it. Because your with a black women I would say that doesn’t make you the norm. Since you know it all the Asians in the Dental office had personal issues with me and my kind and thankfully I’m no longer there. I can also recall countless of times going into an Asian run business and getting hawked until my way out the door as if I’m going to steal something, but I’m sure you’ll deny this type of behavior as well, right!?! But, thanks for your response and glad you weren’t offended, because I’m still not interested.
Comment by Starthai on 6 September 2008:
CandyKane said:
“I’ve known alot of people to do that and that is just very idiotic of them and anyone who does such a thing. It’s much like the people who watch the music videos or movies and think that everyone from the race depicted is like that in real life. Gees, how narrow-minded and naive.”
“Candykane” you seem to be the idiot the name speaks for itself . I don’t see how my perceptive statement calls for folly. Unlike yourself I’m not a child and your weak analogy above goes along the lines of what a child or someone extravagantly sheltered does.
Comment by jackson482 on 7 September 2008:
As an asian guy, my gf is black & quite dark skinned and I find her extremely attractive. We met in college as runners on the same team and for four years we were together for classes, meals, practice and track meets. Both our families were so used to seeing us together that they accepted us as a couple. The funny thing is that I consider her sisters as my own and she considers my brothers as her own. We love each other and have no problems other than the occasional remarks made by other black men and women who question her choice in loving someone outside their race. It can be annoying at times but, hey, loving her is worth it!! We recently got engaged and let me say to all the black women out there that there are asian guys that are willing to marry you.
Comment by BoriLoka on 7 September 2008:
I think people venturing outside their race is beautiful, I mean why be limited to a certain race? I am attracted a lot to Asian men. Most of the Asian men I have come across aren’t shy, and willing to go after what they want. Your always going to have your typical ignorant people saying stick with your own kind. Its kind of funny someone mentioned that to me yesterday, when I was admiring this Asian guy at a bar be que. My roommates boyfriend says, “You should stick with your own kind (rubbing the color of his skin because he is black), do you think those people want you in their family?” I laughed at him and told him, “Let me not forget to write that in my, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK NOTEBOOK.” Its ignorant comments like that they think discourage, women such as my self, but in reality it only encourages me, and ignore the ignorance of other people. And I always have to tell people, “NEWS FLASH IM BIRACIAL, PUERTO RICAN AND BLACK…HELLLERRRR” But overall I love Asian men, not just because their, “Asian,” but because of their values and respect for women. Ok enough of my novel..lol
Comment by CandyKane on 7 September 2008:
Starthai, you’re really full of yourself, aren’t you? Since you want some attention here it is. I wasn’t talking to you or about you, it’s that one sentence that HighRisk posted that struck a chord with me. It was not about you, I don’t know you, I didn’t put your name in my original post because it wasn’t about you, got it?
I made a general statement about narrow-minded people, but since you’re so full of yourself, go ahead and eat it up.
Majority does not speak for a whole race, there are still the good ones out there, so of course one is narrowminded if they use an experience to judge a whole race. Then again, seeing as how you took my first comment up on your head when it wasn’t directed at you, you just love to be noticed. I can now see why they treat you like that… my, my, what a picture.
Comment by vtreasures on 12 September 2008:
Wow! I can’t believe that this blog has been going for over a year. I must say that I have dated men of various races, unfortunately not an Asian as of yet, and have found men to be men. It’s not their race that determines their character but their social influences. My assumption would be the same for Asian men as well.
I think that it’s really a great thing that everyone has commented on this topic. I really appreciate the comments from the AM, theirs have been most insightful. I have to say that I think that AM are very sexy I really like that most(not all) are not so aggressive in their approach to women. That attracts me the most. I live in the south and usually when a guy/man likes you they are are very aggressive about letting you know that. Unfortunately for them, that’s a big turn off to me. However, meeting someone in which you can have a great easy going conversation about a myriad of different topics is a great way of getting to know someone. Well anyway, I live in one of the military cities in the south and I see tons of interracial couples however, I can’t recall seeing any AM/BF couples. The Asian population where I live is very strong, and it is not uncommon to see Asians. So, I am looking forward to seeing more AM/BF couples in the future. Hopefully I will be one of them. Well anyway. Again, I do appreciate everyones insight on this subject.
Comment by Smartlady28 on 27 September 2008:
I agree. I preferred a good black man. At one time all I would date is black men but now I will consider dating Asian men as well. Why should we have to put our lives on hold? If the right Asian man, black man or mixed man or who ever comes along I will be more open-minded than I was before. Black women and Asian man share several commonalities any way. Such as
Intelligent levels
Education
Yoga / Tai Chi exercises
Hip hop music and dance
Traveling
National Parks
Careers- most Asian men tend to hold good careers
Etc….
A lot of black men don’t seem to be on the average level of black women or they want to play games. A lot are in jail, chasing white women, etc…
I think black women and Asian man are a great mix and another alternative.
Comment by Pri on 29 September 2008:
I think asian men and african american women should date more.
I Personally adore asian men and asian culture.
Comment by raxy on 29 October 2008:
All I know is I love a asian men. They are sexy as hell.
Comment by khmer612 on 30 October 2008:
Look am kambodian i do agree wit all da sterotype dat da media portray us asian men as not being fly or sexi. I would love to be wit a sista it jus eartyme i try 2 git wit 1 da brotha b hating i think dat blak women got da meanist body of all race see am a suka for booty n light skin sista btw im 5′10 155 so if u want sum 2 try sum spring rolls hollaaa
Comment by mia on 30 October 2008:
Khmer612. hummmmmmm CAn I see what you look like?
Comment by Tippy on 3 November 2008:
Sorry my friends but Asians talk too much,have a funny culture,not very tall and are very aggressive hahaa!But i do admire them for all this heheeee…Good day all
Comment by Tippy on 3 November 2008:
Sorry my friends but Asians talk too much,have a funny culture,not very tall,have no sense of humor and are very aggressive hahaa!But i do admire them for all this heheeee…Good day all
Comment by Tippy on 3 November 2008:
Sorry my friends but Asians talk too much,have a great culture,not very tall,have no sense of humor and are very aggressive hahaa!But i do admire them for all this heheeee…Good day all
Comment by marcy12 on 4 November 2008:
Two of my cousins (american panamanian) are married to Asian men. Their families accepted them, and adore their beautiful grandchildren. Has anyone taken a trip to Panama? Asians,Panamanians have no problem. The business I am in, I am in contact with the Asian culture quite a bit, they give me the utmost respect to help assist in their business. Yes, some of the men do hit on me and are looking for black women.
Comment by Joe on 7 November 2008:
I am a fourth generation Chinese man who is going to go overseas to find an Asian bride. I do not want fellow Asian men to not get married or being forced to marry someone they don’t want to. If I marry an Asian women here, then it will inevitably force an Asian man to not get married or marry someone of another race, because Asian women interracially marry +250% white, +700% black. I am planning to go to India or Sri Lanka to find a bride. I love the black skin and masculine facial structure of Dravidian Asian women. I have recently been informed by my friend of Chinese origin from Dravidians. This will increase the number of Asian women in the USA by one, increasing the options for poorer Asian men in the USA who can’t similarly go to their homeland to take up a wife who will not work.
Comment by Slade on 9 November 2008:
LOL there asian dudes that are as big and burly as a black man or white man and just as atheletic and tall but for some strange reason their not depicted in main stream media. People are going to fall in love with who they prefer to be with regardles of stereotypes and ignorance.
Comment by tastycakes on 9 November 2008:
I am a black woman who has always found asian men attractive. The problem is that in most cultures men are told that if they date outside their race, the only acceptable race (in their family’s eyes) is white. I have friends of every race and from every country on earth. It’s a shame that in most cultures black women are seen as less disireable. Because of the stereotyping of asian men in the media, they are also seen as less disreable. Asian men are protrayed as the friend and never the leading man. Many of you mentioned Romeo Must Die and even in that movie they were not allowed to kiss. In America asian men and black women are statisticaly the least married ethnic groups. It’s a shame we can’t get our two groups together.
Comment by mia on 9 November 2008:
I know this forum is for people to vent out their feelings. But let’s get this straight……..
THE MORE WE STAY IN THE PAST. THE LESS AHEAD WE CAN GO AS A COUNTY OF MANY NATIONS. NO MATTER HOW YOU PUT IT PEOPLE HAVE AND WILL ALWAYS SEE ANY OTHER COLOR AS THE LOWER LEVEL. WHAT BETTER WAY THEN TO PIT THE TWO CULTURE THEIR AMIRE OR FEAR THE MOST AGAINST EACH OTHER. BUT WE AS THE LAST TWO CULTURES THAT KNOW ALL RACE HAVE THEIR ASSHOES AND CREEPS. WE CAN NOW STOP BELIEVING IN THE B/S THE WHITE MEDIA HAS BEEN PASSING ON TO THE OUTSIDE NATIONS.
KEEP IN MIND THE SO CALL TRUTH IS COMING FROM WHITE AMERICAN THAT HAS FOR CENTURY STEALING OR CONVICING OTHER NATIONS TO SELL THEIR LAND FOR PENNIES THAT IN TURN IS WORTH MORE AT THAT TIME. OR TO MARRY OFF THEIR DAUGHTERS TO LOWLIFE THAT WOULD ABUSE THEM OR SELL THEM OFF. DO YOUR RESEARCH ON AMERICAN HISTORY ON HOW ASIAN WAS SEEN AS NOT RACE IN AMERICA BECAUSE THEY COULDN’T PLACE THEM IN A RACE CATALOG THAT MADE SINCE TO THE WHITE RACE. And these books were written by highly noted Asian writers.
So an American-West Indian born to a parents that is mixed with Portuguese and Seminole Indian. We truly need to stop here with the myth of how Asian sees us. And how African American people see them. We are of different colors but feel and see the same thing.
January 20, 2009 is a new nation where all will have a chance to make a difference in their lives or the community. Here is a man that was raised a good portion if not all his life with Asian but embrace where he came from. Let’s take note of his achievement of people who made him who he is now. Irish/Kenya/German and the love of his stepfather culture Indonesian.
Comment by ROXY on 10 November 2008:
I am currently dating two men: I have an open relationship with an African-American Man and a Filipino Man…they both know of each other and they are okay with it. I am a virigin and these 2 men are the only ones that I want to have sex with when I am ready…I am an African-American Female…
A person made a comment about Asian Men being small; Well not all Asian Men are small. My lover who is Filipino is HUGE; I am almost afraid to do it with him (lol) and my African-American boyfriend is a nice size too!
I am crazy about them both! They are both sexy, passionate and loving. I will loose my virginity with my African-American boyfriend first because I have been with him much longer and we are building a business together!
Comment by Roxy on 10 November 2008:
I am an African-American Female and I have two men in my life: An African-American and Filipino Male.
A person made a comment about Asian Men being small; I don’t know about all Asian Men BUT my Filipino Lover is HUGE; my African-American boyfriend is a nice size too!
Comment by Kiara on 11 November 2008:
What the hell, Roxy, you plan to sleep with both men eventually? lol
Black women will never have a good place unless the majority stop acting like vulgar, ghetto idiots, until then, all black women are going to fall into that category and no one will want us. It’s not the colour of our skin alone, it’s the rotten attitude at times.
Now I must point out that I’m not saying all black women are vulgar and ghetto but most media roles protray us as such and in real life, the girls and women that demonstrate and create a scene are usually the black ones and that’s one of the reasons they are undesirable. No one wants to be with a woman who nags or jumps off at every little mistake made.
Comment by Roxy on 11 November 2008:
Hi Kiara,
What can I say? I’ve never been with anyone really and these two men turn me on in the worse way!
I am thankful that I am not ghetto and I am happy that these two wonderful men are in my life…
I can’t resist them!
Comment by Poshcli on 16 November 2008:
I think that the big difference with whether or not an Aian man will date a black woman has a lot to do with his familial ties and expectations, as well as, funny as the may sound, geography. Most Asians tend to disdain and look down upon African Americans (AA) and AA culture, they do however make the distinction between AA, Africans and West Indians(Caribbean), while the consider AAs Black, they don’t consider africans and west indians black. My husband is Asian, his college roommate was west indian and his parents don’t consider him black, their specific words upon meeting him were something like “he’s not black, I thought you said he was black?”. His girlfriend before me was AA and his parents had a fit!! I’m west indian, and they have absolutely no problem with me at all. They feel like the culture that I’m from and their own is more similar and family oriented than that of AA’s, and so while I’m not the asian daughter in law they expected, they accept me more easily than than they would an AA daughter in law.
Comment by Roxy on 18 November 2008:
I know you have your opinion Poshcli but you are generalizing and the person who says that a West Indian is not Black is full of shyt! You may not be a Black Person from America but you are definitely Black and share the fact that BOTH Groups of people were brought over on Slave Ships…It’s sick to say that someone is more than Black when they are clearly Black. WTF is that?!
The Asians that I associate with (Mostly Filipino and Chinese) love the hell out of some Black AA Women, they love our culture (mostly Hip-Hop), our hair styles, our music (mostly rap), when I visited China, the men were throwing themselves at me and their undergroud party places were fun and they played
Black Music be it rap, house, R&B…
I have two Chinese Male Friends that met and married two Black Women from the West-Side of Chicago; I have friends who’s Grandfather’s are Chinese and Grandmother’s are Black and they look Afro-Asian.
What you are saying is cool BUT I am glad I can speak on behalf of Asian Men that genuinely love Black Women and they love the Black Culture and Black Experience with everything that involves being Black.
My friends admire me, they don’t look down on me!
*Filipino Men (The Best looking Asian Men in my Opinion)LOVE Black Women like CRAZY!
Comment by HK Dude on 22 November 2008:
I want to say firstly that as a Chinese-American male, I have ALWAYS been attracted to women of color. The proverbial “one that got away” for me was a beautiful Black goddess who I was madly in love with and to this day still gets my heart racing and makes me wistful as to what could have been (in that particular situation, I was ready for a serious relationship but she was not).
From my personal experience – and consistent with what some others have mentioned here – I think that the challenge that many Asian males (from what are traditionally considered the “Far East Asian” cultures of China, Korea, and Japan) have in dating and being with non-Asian women (not just Black females) is principally tied to immigrant parents - especially if they lived with and grew up with large extended families and in typical immigrant communities (such as Chinatowns or Koreatowns).
Without going into a long-winded dissertation on “immigrant life and experiences” – I will just say that a primary barrier that Asian men have in dating non-Asian women are based primarily on the fear and guilt of their 1st generation immigrant parents rather than outright racism or prejudice (although I know that there is a fair amount of that also within the Asian community). This fear and guilt is based upon the parent’s fear that their rapidly assimilating children have no use for their (the parent’s) traditional cultural heritage and consequently, there is a heavy guilt on their part that they should not have let that happen so they often times become super traditional and insist that the children only stay within the race if nothing else. Having said all this, I have observed that these attitudes are really no different than those of other immigrants – including those from Europe during the 1800’s and 1900’s – and I believe that these attitudes tend to subside after the initial first generation.
I think there are also some ingrained barriers within the African American culture of BF’s dating AM’s primarily because (from my perspective) AM’s were just never thought of as a romantic option for BF’s. I have had a lot of BF’s tell me that they never thought that AM’s were interested so they never took the time to flirt or express any kind of interest in them – and they were surprised (if not shocked) when I expressed interest in them and pursued them.
Additionally, I believe that popular media stereotypes also inhibit a AM/BF pairing since many may believe for example that AM’s may feel intimated by the stereotypical “strong BF” or that AM’s only want subservient females. I don’t believe that these stereotypes are fully reflective of the evolving modern day American BF and AM, and that there is a high degree of compatibility that may be surprising to a lot of people (again, from my own experience).
Overall, I like the idea of the AM/BF match and believe it will become one of the more common place interracial pairings in the future.
Comment by Jabali on 29 November 2008:
I had an Asian girl once. An Indian girl in India. Like all my former loves I cherish that experience. Couldn’t work though cos I had to get back to my country and she had to stay in hers. I suppose lot’s of people were happy when that didn’t work cos we went through loads of opposition, but it just goes to show that all humans are so inherently similar. They fear what they are not familiar with or what they do not understand and this manifests itself in stuff like racism, prejudice etc. Fortunately racism is on a sharp decline one day we will all just look at each other as what we actually are; human beings!
Comment by BeReal4me on 7 December 2008:
It all depends on preference and confidence. Confidence is what the Asian male and Black female need to have if they are interested in each other.
I went on a cruise in 2005 and I met 2 most adorable Asian man-Black woman couples. THey both had been married a number of years with children. They were so into each other (at least on the boat). I loved being around them during dinner and other events on the ship.
I find sexiness in all races. I am not in tuned with these guys from other countries that are using American women for staying in the country. But even some of them are sexy.
God is a BIG God, for those who do believe. I do believe he is capable of bringing what and who I need to me. HE can create a blessing for me. He knows what I like. SMILE
Keep your preferences open and know that you never know who is your blessing.
I agree with some of the others, MEN STEP UP and ask us. HAVE CONFIDENCE. You may come across YOUR blessing.
Comment by BeReal4me on 7 December 2008:
OK, I forgot to address des_pres.
I agree on some of your issues, but brother, give us a break!
Not all Black womnen are hard and uneasy and rough or whatever views you have on us.
YES, we have pressure on us and have most of our lives.
We are a strong breed, but are as soft as you allow us to be.
We are subtle, loving, sensuous, sexy, intelligent, responsible and want a man to come in and just “be a man” without us directing all the time.
We are in the boardrooms, on the decision panels, in ministry, in management, head of households–DONT YOU think we want a good man to say, “Hey sweet lady, I appreciate all you do and am proud of you. I have PLANNED dinner, a spa visit or a just us visit somewhere and gotten us a hotel room for the night. I appreciate my hardworking, strong Black woman.”
Baby, those actions can get you points unmeasurable.
Stop looking at our strength as a weakness for you.
We have had to take care of our children, our businesses, our positions and YOU. SO, Take a chance, PLAN something for us, show us something and we will be easier for you. We, like any other woman, love to be appreciated for our talents and want a man to be in tuned with us and not just what we have to offer.
Most women can be hard. I know White women, Asian women, Indian women, Pakistanian women, Mexican women who are friends of mine. THeY’re harder than I am and will tell their man where to go and how to get there in a hurry.
SO be that man that we can be easier with.
YOU may be scared of any woman that has strength. I hope not. A good brother scared…not good.
Comment by lovingstar on 11 December 2008:
Asian men are goregous, sexy and bold.
What is not to like?
Comment by starthai on 16 December 2008:
Candykane said:
“I wasn’t talking to you or about you, it’s that one sentence that HighRisk posted that struck a chord with me. It was not about you, I don’t know you, I didn’t put your name in my original post because it wasn’t about you, got it?”
Sending my apology.
Comment by Maridoe on 30 December 2008:
Well now, come to think about it… I have been dating (that is to say Dinner and a Show) since I was 16, and I have dated I guess just about every nationality over the past 20 or so years while looking for Mr. Right. However, I can never remember being hit on by any Asian men. I guess I thought they just liked Blond White Girls and never gave it another thought. Just a thought. Mari
Comment by life2go on 5 January 2009:
It is hard for me to understand why a black woman of all people, would say she doesn’t a whole race of men attractive.
Isn’t that what the media and society as a whole does to us on a daily, no hourly, better yet every second of our lives as black women.
What’s more pathetic is we’ve fallen for it. I have family members who I have never seen where their natural hair… and I’m not knocking weaves because I enjoy changing up my hair and wearing them too but I also wear braids and my natural hair.
I would like it, no love it, if I never ever hear another black woman say she’ll date other races but prefers a black man. It is ridiculous for a lot of reasons I won’t get into.
A few years ago I decided to sign up online and communicating with a gorgeous asian man but because it was online and I wasn’t comfortable meeting him because I had the silly comments of my family and friends in my mind, I eventually chickened out. It was a huge mistake…
Black women, we are so strong in every other respect but one place we fall is allowing our families (and girlfriends) to have too much influence over our love lives. Just food for thought.
Comment by Salsassin on 9 January 2009:
Have had friends who are in this type of relationship. They are all in very loving relationships. I think that once all the stereotypes and prejudices have been overcome, and they actually get the shutzpa to try dating each other, most all the ones I have seen (but not that many), have all been fruitful relationships.
Comment by Salsassin on 9 January 2009:
On the comment of Romeo must Die and kissing. Don’t think it is a Black Asian thing. If you watch Chinese movies in general (Just look at Jet Li in Fist of Legend), you will see kissing is frowned upon in many movies. The ones that show making out and what not are usually low budget ones.
Comment by lala2qz on 9 January 2009:
Maybe because I’m from a younger generation, but I disagree with some statements about Asian men. I have been approached by quite a few and I didn’t have to make one move, and I’m black. Maybe it’s just older ones or something. I don’t think it’s because I’m mixed either. There are many Asian guys that like Black women. Also, I get no pressure from my family to marry anyone with ethnicity as a requirement. Since I can remember, if I want to marry a black guy, white guy, Asian, whatever, it’s fine, as long as he treats me well and is a good man. My friends that are black also don’t mind, they only seem to have problems with white guys(and that is dating one themselves). One of my white male friends was the only one with a problem with me talking to an Asian guy and I think that was a bit of a jealously issue because I would not date him and maybe throwing tasteless puns about Asian men made him feel better about his own insecurities.
Comment by DraMama on 12 January 2009:
Hello, everyone! Like some others, I found this blog because I was interested in what others had to say about Asian men and Black women. Recently, I was in Las Vegas and experienced something I never had before. At one of the clubs, I was approached by men all night long. Now, I’m used to attention. That wasn’t the odd thing. I had on a simple, flattering top…not snug…and jeans. I am a dark-skin woman with shoulder-length hair. Now, of all the men that approached me that night, only one was Black. The rest were White, Asian and Latino.
Well, I danced with one Asian man. When I first saw him, I was instantly attracted. He had charisma and good looks. He was muscular and had “swagger” that was SEXY! I was stunned when I saw him. When he noticed me, he immediately flirted and seemed to want to dance. As I said, I was stunned; so, it took me a while to absorb what was happening. So, he continued to the dance floor with his friends, a male and female Asian couple.
Later, while dancing with one of the White men, I passed the Asian man, and again, he flirted. Finally, we danced later. I just walked over to him and without missing a beat, we had a ball on the dance floor. He was a great dancer, who obviously enjoyed the mix of Hip Hop, R&B and Rock music that was played. We laughed and chatted. I found him sweet and gentlemanly. While we danced, three Asian women kept giving us dirty looks and whispering about us. The one Black guy who approached me made his displeasure known.
Finally, I had to get back to my friend, with whom I had come to the club. Not long after, my new Asian friend was back over where I was standing, asking for my number. We have been keeping in touch, so far. He has expressed a desire to date and even cook for me. LOL! Honestly, the possibility of facing additional racism and prejudice has crossed my mind. However, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, we’re getting to know each other, and I’m enjoying it.
The night at the club, another hot Asian man, who was about 6′ tall, laid the smoothest line on my friend. We never expected Asian men to come for us…and certainly not so smooth and hard.
Bottom line, lay the stereotypes to the side. Explore for yourself. Be open-minded. Even if you don’t find love, you might learn something, make a great friend, grow as a person. Those are all worhtwhile things!!!
Comment by DraMAma on 13 January 2009:
RESPONSE to Comment by Tippy on 3 November 2008:
Sorry my friends but Asians talk too much,have a great culture,not very tall,have no sense of humor and are very aggressive hahaa!But i do admire them for all this heheeee…Good day all
___________________________________________
TIPPY! You really have to stop generalizing a whole race of men. The Korean man I am getting to know has a great sense of humor. My Asian, male friends from grammar and high school were extremely funny. I’ve only known Asian gentlemen, and I never remember thinking…he talks too much. On my recent trip to Vegas, I saw just as many tall Asian men as I did shorter ones. People are people. All races come in different shapes, sizes and personalities. How unfair to put people in a box. I know you wouldn’t like it done to you. Don’t miss out on some of life’s blessings because of a closed mind and erroneous information. I’m not just speaking about your attitude towards Asian men. All the best to you, Tippy.
Comment by JOY on 29 January 2009:
well, it is about time that black women are stepping out with other races of men. I have always believed that god didin’t put me here to be with just one race of a man. I have always dated outside my black race. many black men have a lot of mess with them,and they don’t want to or like accepting responsibilties. that is what shapes a man to be who he is as a man. furthermore, I always had this thing with me, that I don’t give a damn if black men go to all the white,and whatever else women they can get with. Personal, I wish that all the white women,and asians women get them because it is not anything to me. And many black women need to pick up their low self esteme. when it comes to black men. There is no reason, what claims to be a real man, should not take care his children,stay out jail, and truly learn what it is to be faithful,respectful,and reponsible. I have talked to many reaces of men,and many of them said that black men don’t treat black women right. The way many of them feel about black,yet they come from a black woman,is disgraceful. I don’t have a problem with anybody who wants to date anybody. but I do have a problem with black so-called men who make up excuses for what they do. I’am quite sure there are good black men out there,but they are not for me, after more than thirtysix years of dealing with them. One thing is for sure,and two is for certain,It’s too many real brothers out there who will do the right thing by black women. When I was a child,I knew that I would one day marry a man,but I never thought my husband would be black. I love all god’s creation,and I’am happy to be able to experience it in all its form and beauty. Sisters, go out there and get yourselves a wonderful man. And real man doesn’t need another race of a woman to bulid up his ego,and more. many black women need to stop making excuses for them. Black women are so strong,and are wonderfully talent,and have beautiful skin. And others are fake baked skeezers.
Comment by oriensus on 3 February 2009:
I definitely agree with some of the post above in regards to the LACK of allure towards Asian men. People are always curious why Asian men don’t date outside of their race and have tons of silly and complicated theories. The answer is quite simple: Asian men are not attractive in general. It’s really, really just that simple. Just like any sensitive issues, people like to beat and beat and beat around the bush and never really face the core issue. Here the core issue is simple: LACK of physical attraction. Think about this, we have all seen many, many Asian women date outside of their race (whites in particular), evan Asian women don’t want Asian men, doesn’t that say something??? I’m an Asian male that lives in New York city and have mostly been with black females (90% of females have been black), so I’m certainly not speaking out of self pity or lack of insight. Some of the black female posters on this blog are very frank about the physical attraction issue, and that is the CORE issue. This isn’t the only issue but it is the main issue. I’m also sick of Asian guys complains about Asian women dating outside of their race. That shit is just weak and annoying.
Comment by DraMAma on 3 February 2009:
Oriensus! You can’t be for real. How can anyone believe that a whole race of people are unattractive? I am an African American woman. I know in American history, something to that effect has been said by white Americans about Blacks. However, how much credence could it hold when slavemasters were creeping into slave cabins to have their way with Black women? Everyone has their preferences, but no race of people all look the same. There are definitely a full range of features within the Asian community, within each Asian country. And let me tell you, there are definitely certain Asian features that drive me wild! Just last night, I was speaking to a Korean man in whom I am interested. He said, matter-of-factly that Korean women do not like his face because it is rough and manly. Well, that’s exactly what I looove about his face. He has the most beautiful bone-structure, high cheekbones, full lips, broad shoulders and mad swagger. I can’t believe he doesn’t realize how beautiful he is! As soon as I saw him in the club, I wanted to meet him. So, you are so so so wrong, Oriensus. Just like I am not attracted to every Black man, I am not attracted to every Asian man, but boy oh boy…there are plenty of Asian men who make me wish I were a bad girl.
Comment by oriensus on 3 February 2009:
Hi DraMAma, I expected such response from somebody. Yes, I’m for real and no, I’m not so so so wrong as you put it, lol. No where in my previous post did I wrote or imply, as you have wrote, “whole race of people are unattractive”. I wrote Asian men in GENERAL are not attractive. Some of the female posters above have written so themselves. We don’t need scientific evidence to show that Asian men in general are shorter and slimmer. We simply don’t fit the prototype of tall, dark, muscular and handsome. Are there Asian men that are tall, muscular and good looking? Yes. But for every one “yes”, there’s a thousand “no” (ok, a thousand “no” is kind of exaggerated). So again, I’m only talking in general, NOT all. The point I’m making is really simple: it’s just a physical attraction issue. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Perhaps in the future the Asian male look will be more acceptable. But for now, it is what it is. Oh, and go ahead be a bad girl.
Comment by HyderabadChick on 3 February 2009:
Oriensus,
I’m a black female. Join this group on yahoo: asian men who love black women. (It’s usually written as one word). There are others too but this seems tob e the most active. You’ll probably enjoy the discussions. The group is mostly black women and some people have actually met and even hooked up.
Plenty of takers for you.
Enjoy
HC
Comment by Nickie_bella on 16 February 2009:
To add to “HyderabadChick” response, if you have a facebook account, you can groups that support Asian men and Black women relationships. Search on “Asian Men that love Black Women”. I also want to add that I do have a cousin who is married to an Asian man.
Comment by Akida on 8 March 2009:
I think it sad that race even matter but the truth is black men generally aren’t interested in me and the ones that are…aren’t good black men. I started to like Asian men because Asian culture is intriguing to me. Also, I was intimate with an Asian guy who whispering foreign words in my ear. I liked it even though we didn’t go far I kind of curious. I don’t know I really liked playing in his straight hair. His accent was adorable. I just was really attracted. Not to say it couldn’t be the same with another race. I like to make people stare and I love the fact I don’t care if he makes me happy he could be blue and screw what people think.
Comment by homesteader on 8 March 2009:
Post a picture , Blind dates will not draw many replies .
Comment by kiki on 12 March 2009:
Just to throw my two cents in…
I’m an ethnic Filipino man. Back in the day when I was young, hot and single (hehe), I had a tendency to attract the attention of black women. Some let it be known that they were attracted to me rather openly. Others I found out through the grapevine. I never really had a preference towards anyone one ethnic group. After all, a hottie is a hottie regardless of skin color. But since a lot of Black women saw fit to flatter me in this way, I developed a soft spot in my heart for them over the years. Anyway, once I dated a black woman in Arizona who had taken the initiatve and asked me out (how could I say no to such audacity?). She was easily one of the most beatuiful women I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. We had a lot of fun while it lasted, but we came across a good deal of hostility from… you guessed it, black men. It seems to me that the brothers don’t have a problem with dating outside their race, but they can’t stand it when a non-Black dates one of their women (especially the beautiful ones). Anyway, I didn’t marry the girl (we didn’t have all that much in common due to an age difference of a decade) so in the end I guess it doesn’t really matter . But I just wanted to go on record and point out the hypocrisy these “men” exhibited towards us. Okay, yeah I still have a little bit of a grudge
Comment by Jersum on 12 March 2009:
I am an African American Woman and almost three years ago I fell in love with the most beautiful Filipino man, and we have been happy ever since. He is honestly the best man I have ever met, in all aspects of who he is, and I look forward to marrying him early next year. We have built a strong and everlasting relationship like no other, and we are devoted and in love, and nothing else matters. All of those stereotypes do not apply to my man, he has it going on and he is all mine
Comment by andromeda on 14 March 2009:
Yes, its true Asian men and Black women seem to be lost in the frey when it comes to what is considered datable, desirable, exotic. But, as with all things that is because of the images that are portayed of us in the American media. For black women, we have some positive black females out in the public eye but most of them are light skinned. Halle Berry, Beyonce, Tyra Banks, etc. There are a few darker skinned or brown skinned women, Gabrielle Union, Taraji Henson, Nia Long. But outside of “black” films and magazines with the exception of Hally Berry, we are rarely portrayed as the sex symbol. We are marginalized as the head poppin, finger snappin, fill in the blank. Reality tv portrays us as bitches. Look at Omarosa, who is a very attractive sister, but she played what I consider the “modern day Mamie” which is the Black middle class Bitch.
As for Asian men, outside of Jet Li, and Chow Yun Fat, you see them as the quirky, braniac, silly, non-sexual figure, Jackie Chan comes to mind. Never do you see them as sexy or attractive either. There are some sexy Asian men out there. If you rent movies from Japan, China, etc. you see them playing the male romantic lead. Not here, hardly ever. I guarantee that if 10 movies were put out per year that centered the dark skinned sisters and Asian men as the romantic lead, if runways, magazines and television shows portrayed them as the sexy, alluring, non-stereotypes then you would see a surge in people’s attraction. Now, its not as acceptable because its just not out there. Its a sad truth. In the meantime, we both need to take our blinders off and just be more open minded. For me personally, as a black woman I sometimes feel ignored by men of other races. I dont know if they are attracted and afraid to say something or just that they don’t see me. Honestly, haven’t quite decided what’s worst quite yet.
Comment by kiki on 15 March 2009:
Jersum,
I’m glad to hear that racial prejudism isn’t affecting you and your man.
I’d like to say that I’m not bigoted, but that would be a lie. I’m of the opinion that we’re all prejudicial to some exent, some more so than others. Strangely enough, I picked up most of my prejudices regarding race, not from my upbringing, but from my experiences as I grew older. Ironically, it was my relationship with a Black woman that cemented my most deep seated prejudicial attitudes towards Blacks (the men in particular). You see, my first wife was White, as well a number of my previous girlfriends, and not once do I recall getting any grief from any White people, even when we lived in Georgia and Louisiana. My current wife is a Latina, as were some of my other ex-girlfriends. Once again, no one ever bother either of us. But the one time I dated a Black woman…. the racial floodgates were opened, primarily from Black men but then again, even her mother initially had a problem with me (but that might have been because I was 10 years her senior). Hence my opinion that Blacks in general are just as racist, if not more so, than other ethnic groups…. I can attest to the fact that the ones in Arizona sure were.
That being said, I truly am glad that you’re not going through the same BS we did. Maybe things have changed since the 90s when all this happened, but I doubt it. Tribalism is an inate part of the human condition and though attitudes may change, human nature does not.
Still, I wish the best for you and your fiance.
Kiki
Comment by LilRod on 24 March 2009:
Hey Black female and Asian Male think they got it hard well try being a Gay Black male who is attracted to Asian men.(hhmm) Now that’s truly a RARE interracial relationship to find or experience. Yo finding a open Gay Asian male is like searching for a rare gem off in Asia somewhere. lol Not only are you not accepted for being Gay but you get turned down for being Black and Gay as well. The biggest “Taboo” in society is people like ME and so I rest my case because this can be a whole another topic to start ….
Comment by ffbfbfb on 25 March 2009:
im a white guy and my sister is married to a successful educated black men. i was wondering how come a girl like my sister, who never associated with black people; managed to find a nice blk guy, but for some reason you black women can’t. it seems someone needs to stop dating tugs so much
Comment by uphoria3 on 26 March 2009:
ffbfbfb, I thank you for your imput, but you must realize you’re looking from the outside in and basically you don’t have the observational skills to be making such statements objectively.
Putting that aside, at the risk of sounding like the stereotypical black woman which I hate more than anything because I think that’s one of our biggest problems, I’m going to give you my take on why your sister found a nice black guy and why black women can’t seem to.
It’s simple; she’s white.
I’m pretty sure she’s a nice person and I would even go as far to say that your sister and her husband are happy and in love, or at least I wish them to be. But what it comes down to is that she’s not black and it’s way easier to be loved and cherished by a good black man than it is say me.
Studies going back for decades have shown a correlation between a black man’s success and his choice is partner. The more successful and educated a black man is, he has a 48% (est.) of chosing a non-black partner. You don’t even need stats to tell you that, just look at most professional sports; for example, with all the black players in basketball, 3% of the spouse of basketball players are black.
Why? Can’t really say. I try not to make guesses about these things because people are sensitive. I’m all for interracial relationships, obviously, but with numbers like that glaring me in my face everyday it makes me pity the black women I’ve left behind. I refused to date black men because we don’t get along, I guess dad issues, and also with stats stacked in favor of me being a starter wife, I figured just cut my losses. But what about all those closed minded black women out there that refused to get off the Titanic of all men?
I’ve always marveled at how a black man can have an accomplished black wife, but as soon as he gets a little status, he picks up the first non-black woman he sees (OJ anyone). Not only that, they treat them whay better than they would a black woman. Like that show that Tyra Banks did where she did an experiment by having a white woman date a black man and a white man, then wear dark makeup and pretend to be a black woman on another date with a white man and a black man. I don’t know why anyone was shocked about what the results were, but the white man didn’t seem to care either which way what race his date was, but the black guy was nicer, gentler, more romantic with the white woman and then when on a date with the darker version of her he talked to her like she was a slut, was very obnxious and crude, and refused to pay the check unless he was getting something out of it. The woman acted no differently on either dates and never didn’t anything to deserve such treatment. I might have exaggerated it a bit, but it’s basically what happened and I was very proud of Tyra for bringing light to the issue and handling it so well.
So for you to make this assessment of black women only dating thugs, for whatever reason, though understandable from you perspective , it is clearly untrue. We date what we can find to keep the black race going and because we don’t know we have options out there. Most black women have low self esteem because black men make them seem so undesirable and the rest of the world tags along with their propaganda because who else knows any race woman than the same race man. So, black women go on thinking that black men are the only ones that will every accept them, even going as far as to stay in bad relationships. I’ve seen women as accomplished as CEOs of they’re own companies marry black men without college degrees because they know that high up in the game that they are in black men wouldn’t want them. How sad and humiliating! Of course the power struggle will ensue in the relationship and yet another single mother is created, just another statistic for others judge us by.
Comment by Mia on 26 March 2009:
I would like to say to “uphoria3″ THANK YOU. You’ve said the truth with “Where all the successful Black Men at and as to why are there don’t settle down with their own”. That is one of the reasons why I always have dated outside my race because I would have limited myself. So again your comment pretty much said it all to men who are confused with why these men are dating/marry other than black women.
Comment by Greekaussie on 29 March 2009:
My goodness uphoria3, your ’stat’ of “black players in basketball, 3% of the spouse of basketball players are black.” is sooo off the mark, it’s laughable. More like 97% of their wives are BLACK.
——————–
As for the topic at hand, the Asian man / black female trend apparently has been gaining in popularity.
This Asian man in the video, married to a black female, explains why he thinks so…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pDAWmcAatM
Comment by Toree18 on 29 March 2009:
Uphoria3 I just want to say I agree with you, but on the flip side of that I am seeking a man of color who IS NOT BLACK. I have dated Black men most of my life and you’re right, for some reason they think we don’t deserve to have our chair pulled out from the table, or we don’t deserve to have the door opened for us. We won’t even talk about the Black men who like to beat on their women i.e.Chris Brown.
I have had enough and I finally decided to do something about it, I’m looking for a Hispanic/Latino. I’ve had one before and he treated me very good. No more uneducated men for me, I need my man to come to the table with the same education level I have. If he doesn’t have the same education level, he’s going to have to be like prince charming to me.
So, hears to all you Black men who don’t think we are good enough for your education and success, I’m not going to date a Black man, because I want a man more befitting of my education too!!
P.S. ffbfbfb, tell your Black brother-in law that!!
Comment by Jersum on 29 March 2009:
Toree18,
I can understand your frustrations, but I feel that it is wrong to lump all black men in the category of not being chivalrous. Those are just the examples of BLACK men that you have dated, and believe it or not there are many Chris Brown’s in every race and nationality including the one’s that you have decided to seek out. Just because you have dated a Hispanic man in the past that treated you well, doesn’t necessarily mean that the next one will too. I also think that you are absolutely absurd in saying and I quote, “I want a man more befitting of my education”, is that to say that black men don’t fit into that category? I’m not trying to come down on you, I am just stating my opinion, while asking some questions of my own. I also felt a twinge of disgust for the ignorance that came from the comment by ffbfbfb, but he’s just that ignorant and should not taint this website with his obliviousness.
Comment by Toree18 on 30 March 2009:
Jersum, you said a mouthful when you said and I quote
“I feel that it is wrong to lump all black men in the category of not being chivalrous.” Jersum that is exactly what black men do to us when they’re trying to condone being with a white woman to their friends, or family. They talk like all we want is to keep having children so we can be on welfare, and that’s not true. That’s stereotyping us. Believe it or not Jersum, I’ve never received welfare for my 3 children_even when their dead-beat “black father” would stop paying his child support. Every single black woman wasn’t Bay Bay’s twin sista!
You mentioned you think it’s absurd for me to have made the statement that I want a man more befitting of my education, well Jersum that’s exactly what the black men say when they get their degrees and become success, even though it may have been a black woman who helped him get where he is, but after he acquires his degree, he wants a white woman. My children never lived in any housing project either, which is also a stereotype given to us. I was a traveling Nurse, and my children have lived in more places than alot of people.
So, I guess the best way to acknowledge the black stereotypes is just to say black men and women are stereotyped more often than not by their own kind.
Comment by uphoria3 on 30 March 2009:
Dear Greekaussie, thanks for the vid, saw it already, but I’m afraid that I must disagree with you about the basketball player’s wives issue. I’m a hardcore NBA fan and I actually stumbled on the fact by accident. You can look it up. 3% was my estimation, but believe me when I say that it’s less than 30% percent; with exceptions of Shaq, Chris Paul, Leabron James (baby mama, not married), Chris Bosh (in court with baby mama, doesn’t want to pay child support), Dwayne Wade (broke up with her after she had the baby), and Gilbert Arenas (made his wife propose to him); those are the only guys I’ve seen with a black partner.
I’m not talking about the whole history of the NBA, but right now if you look up NBA player’s wives they are non black. They only have babies with the black chicks and keep them as girlfriends until they can find something better.
Seriously look it up. When I read about it, I think it was an article about the All Stars weekend or maybe Kobe’s (wife is Spanish) rape case and they pointed that out, so I can’t get you the exact stats, but my estimation of less than 30% is about right.
Comment by uphoria3 on 30 March 2009:
Jersum,
I’m not saying there aren’t any good black men out there–I know plenty. I totally agree with you when you said that every race has their own black sheep, that is true, not one ethnicity is better than the other and that definitely not what I’m saying. Though I prefer Asian men, I’ve not had a walk in the park with any of the ones I’ve dated–some I had the same problems as any other guy and some I have to deal with whole new cultural problems that I didn’t have with anyone else– yet I finally found one that suites me fine and I have no doubt if I were actually attracted to black men I would find the same with one eventually too. What I was pointing out was that a good enough or at least a noticeable amount of those good black men don’t want good black women.
Bless the ones that do, but it’s hard finding a black man with the right package(no kids or baby mama drama, never been on drugs or in jail, college degree, good job, not egomaniac, a gentleman, marriage material, a good father and person, etc…) They don’t even have to have all of those qualities, no one’s perfect, but just some. Like any woman we deserve happiness, but it’s getting harder to find with our own and it shouldn’t be, we should get first dibs on men like I’ve describe, but we have to fight for them with other women and each other. When we lose we’re left with the non desirable and we stay with them because they are available.
That is what I think Toree18 was referring to when she said it was hard finding a man on her level. It’s a known fact that more black women graduate colleges and schools of higher education than our counterparts. We have a lot of the higher paying jobs (except when it comes to sports, of course) and interact with more diverse people. Yet we are less likely to marry outside our race and have only the available black men, which the majority are non desirable (have kids all of over the place, been to jail, lack maturity and aptitude for responsibility, didn’t finish school, disrespectful to women, does drugs, ignorant, etc…)
Toree18, you have a good point when you said black men and women stereotype each other, I totally agree with you, but we need to find some way to break out of this cycle because no one can screw the black ppl over more than themselves and two wrongs don’t make a right. Black women need to get rid of their hang ups and black men need to learn to be real men and cherish their women like every other man. I hear white men call their women sluts and bitches like black men, but the marked difference is they would never let anyone else call their women that. White men make sure that everyone respects their women and holds them as a standard, why can’t we do that? why can black men do the same to their women and show the rest of the world how beautiful and loving a black woman can be, instead of defacing us, thereby defacing themselves?
Also, instead of taking our men’s excuses for their short comings, we should support them and help them up. If your man doesn’t have a degree and you do, help him look at schools, encourage him. He doesn’t have a job and you do, help him with his resume and ask around your work for openings. He has kids outside of your union, team up with the mother of his kids and become a support system for each other and make him take his responsibilities seriously. He’s disrespectful or abusive, leave! You don’t need it and shouldn’t have to take it. Instead of being scornful all the time, stand by him and behind him; I always though that was one of the reasons they go to other women. Though black women are good at keep black men’s egos in check, sometimes we go too far and that’s why they run from us. Other women stroke them and make them feel capable and important; we should do the same when our men deserve it.
Comment by Toree18 on 30 March 2009:
Uphoria3, I agree with the latter part of your comment when you said other women stroke them and make them feel capable and important. You’re right, I’ve heard so many Black men say that’s the reason they stay with and prefer White women, because the White woman will take alot of crap off them and let them get away with everything.
As far as the helping them obtain an education; I guess I’ve been running into the fools, I better not suggest going to school, will “show nuff” get cussed out. They won’t even put forth an effort to get a GED, they want you to do their homework_because they feel they’re going to school for your benefit. See I couldn’t help it, I’d have to tell him I already know how to read. Another thing Uphoria3, I am so tired of hearing them say “I got street smart” apparently not, a street man will never be broke. The very one’s you hear making stupid statements like that don’t have 2 nickels to rub together__they’d probably have better luck at getting money by doing like Dorothy, clicking their heels together 3 times and saying “I wish”.
I don’t despise Black men, but when I’m trying to help him out, I want to feel appreciated. I don’t want to hear “you think you’re better than me,” ignorance at it’s best.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 31 March 2009:
toree18 and uphoria3 good post. I think blacks just as other ethnic groups get caught up in the class trap.
Lord help the lost soul who believes that having a college degree makes you educated. You got more accountants looking for jobs than plumbers, now run and tell that.
uphoria3 I find it funny that everybody else (other ethnic groups) know how to make us happy but we (blk men/women)just can’t seem to make pull it off.
This proves that there’s nothing wrong with us, it’s just the way we relate to eachother. We spend more time tearing eachother down than building eachother up.
When did having a college degree or professional career determine if a person is capable of loving and caring for their mare? Never!
I’ve known first hand how people get caubht up in letting society dictate what their spouse should be like. If you have a degree or belong to a fraternity or sorority what makes you think that only someone on your level can make you happy?
If that’s the case, is the divorce rate for professionals any lower than non professionals?
Alcoholism, drug abuse, sexaul perversion, maritial infidelity and domestic violence is it not as much a problem amongst professionals as well working the class?
Many people get caught up in trying to have spouses that reflect them, when a spouse is there to compliment them on the inside and not the outside.
“What would my professional colleages think if they knew my wife or husband only had a GED or they were a security guard and a house keeper at a hospital”?
Who gives a fu*k what they’d think!
If she loves me treats me right, as a man I’d work three jobs so my wife wouldn’t have to work one, I’d go out an get dirty so she could stay clean all the time and I’d wear the work boots and dickies so she can wear heels and a dress!
If my wife came home tomorrow and said, ” baby I’m tired of the corporate madness,” I’d tell her,” baby don’t even go back to clear your desk, let-cha husband go back and get your things”!
I’d beem with pride as I tell her boss, ” my wife aint coming back here to work, she’ll be at home from here on out, working on me, have a nice day”! LOL
That’s love when you can look beyond the petty and focus on the priority. It’s sad that many will miss out on true love because they focus on the wrong things.
While you’re overlooking him/her, you can bet someone else is looking them over!
James
Love & Allow Someone To Love You!
Comment by homesteader on 31 March 2009:
Our Love is forever , Retirement is just nothing to do . All day long , Respectfully Earned . Online Education at Our pace of Learning . And don’t really care / how bad I spell or use capital letters . We found each other at AfroRomance . What have you done lately ?
Comment by fkoi on 6 April 2009:
First of all, I want to give a big head’s up to the comment made by Salsera77 on 11 January 2008. That was really funny, yet subtle. Nice work.
I never really noticed or counted how many of this race goes out with that race. I’ll accept that Asian men with Black women is rare if y’all say it is. After reading some of the comments here, it doesn’t surprise me. Stereotypes of family relationships or anatomy issues are gonna keep it that way. Each person has to check themselves. If I am furthering racial separateness, I am wrong. There are all kinds of Asians in the world and all kinds of Black women. Are Cambodians exactly like Chinese and exactly like a Japanese guy raised in Ohio? I hardly think so. Is a Nigeria-raised woman the same as a Black woman who can trace her roots back in the States for 400 years. Not likely. Folks whose family has been University educated for generations are likely to see this question differently than people who have no diplomas of any kind in their families.
Very similar statements as I’ve seen on this very blog have been spouted about racial/cultural/national/religious/socio-economic miscegenation for hundreds if not thousands of years. Time to wake up? Past time.
P.S. I love to eat sushi
Comment by Dante1977 on 6 April 2009:
Sideline? IMO, it depends on the degree of cultural upbringing.
Comment by onemill2 on 7 April 2009:
It wouldn’t work unless they were on an island and no on could see them ever. could you imagine having to go out to a family get together and linda would have to introduce him to the family. I know my family I got relatives that would go def jam comedy all night especially when we get done drinking that yak and blaze that killa. The only way he would be excepted is he better know how to get back at us when we lightning into his u know what. Let be real I read some of these blogs and some of you come off like you have phd’s. Wake up and stop dreaming in the real world where real people live and be around oneanother everyday this just won’t happen You better be rich and live in a mansion that’s secured because if you live on 25th and 3rd you gonna get blasted on baby lol and that’s not racist.
Comment by onemill2 on 7 April 2009:
I’ve seen alot of mixed couples in my time and never have I ever witnessed a black woman and asian man but u know what I think you just gave me an Idea for my next writing project anyone willing to do this with me?
Comment by onemill2 on 7 April 2009:
Too much pressure in america for this to excist I been all over the globe and one of the spots I seen it and I did the interacial thing was in england I was respected by all races there it was trippy. I went to a club filled with caucasion woman and they were not just one a bunch of were trying to get at me. They had money and homes to chill in and nice cars to drive around the city I didn’t want for anything all they wanted was affection because they felt that black men new how to love their women and they felt that white men there weren’t affectionate enough. I even hit a punk rocker who owend her own pub there and I was myself the whole time I never changed my tone of voice I made them laugh and enjoy life I had one come all the way to the states to get me to come back and li outmy days with her. True story
Comment by BrownB09 on 7 April 2009:
Now, I know Jet Li is sexy, lets not forget Russell Wong Fine as Hell! LOL
Comment by oriensus on 7 April 2009:
Hey BrownB09,
So ummm….. Russell Wong is actually half Dutch which explains his better than average looks. Oops did that just sound really politically incorrect and just plain wrong?
And Jet Li is sexy?!?!?! What you gonna tell me next, Jackie Chan is sexy too? LOL….I’m just joking…Well, half joking…
Comment by BrownB09 on 7 April 2009:
LOL Okay,You got me! My bad! I know how that sounds!
Comment by BrownB09 on 7 April 2009:
I find Asian men attractive as well! Jackie Chan, Cute! Too short,but cute!
Comment by Jason on 8 April 2009:
I’m Asian all I have to say is I think Tamron Hall is the prettiest girl I’ve seen yet on television.
I don’t mean prettiest Black girl…I mean IN GENERAL. She has a nice personality to go with it too.
Comment by PrettyGurl on 9 April 2009:
ive always been attracted to man who were not blk since i was young.. I like Asian men too and believe it or not Im really into Asian film well I like alot of Foreign Films but Asian, France (love Audrey Tatou) and Bollywood are my favorite. I just luv it all. I live in small urban city and I have seen younger (20’s) am with bw but none around my age.. Im opened to it all well kind of
For me, I find that alot of men who are not blk like me but don’t… ex.. the other day I’m talking to a guy on here and we are having a really nice conversation and we just start talking about fitness and I tell him I’m full figured and then right away he wants to see a pic.. so i show him and he’s like” i dont mean to be mean.. youre pretty but youre kind of big”…. lol…. so i just keep pressin until someone who wants to take a look inside and out…
so the moral of the story is lol….. everyone has a preference… maybe most asian males have different preferences in women
just my 2 cents.
Comment by sir_roy on 9 April 2009:
Im here to make new friend’s. 201-658-8286 sir_roy I’m very
understanding please call.sir_roy
> lippin75@hotmail.com. IF it’s good for us lol!
i agree
Comment by sir_roy on 9 April 2009:
Im here to make new friend’s. 201-658-8286 sir_roy I’m very
understanding please call.sir_roy
> lippin75@hotmail.com. IF it’s good for us lol!
>>>>>>yess i agreee..!!!!!!
Comment by REDRAIN on 11 April 2009:
In white supremacist world and society,
asian men and black women are seen as the most ugly.
We are considered ugly, undesirable, and at
the bottom of the food chain.
While white people are seen and treated like
living demi-gods.
Its not about whether or not most black women
don’t want to date outside of their race.
Its about the fact that most people in society
look down on black women and always show blacks
in a negative light.
That way, no one will want black women
because we are displayed as fat, ugly gorillas by
the media, who deliberately does that.
Comment by ebutttafly on 12 April 2009:
Well after reading most people’s comments I am for the school of thought that you like who you like. I mean hot is hot, that doesn’t belong to a race. I am from a place were it is very culturaly diverse and so I have always like all types of guys and I have dated white, black, asian, and latino guys and I am a black women. From my experience you just have to date somebody that has similiar interests as you and just because you are the same race doesn’t mean that you have the same interest our that you necessarily have the same experiences to bond you outside of the black experience. However, sometimes there is hesitation on the part of some men, in my experience, about dating a black women but then they realize there really isn’t such a big differnce. I say if you are unsure about dating outside of your race to start off by widening your circle of friends and I swear your understanding of people and these stupid sterotypes will drastically change how you see the world because we are so much more alike than we would like to admit, race aside.
Comment by Griever on 12 April 2009:
I an Asian man living in California, where AM and BF couples are scarce, and sometimes don’t even exist in towns. I’ve been I’ve been dating my black girlfriend for almost 3 years. I’ve always found females outside of my race to be attractive. Strange thing is, I don’t find many Asian females to be attractive, believe it or not. Sure, like most AM and BF couples, when we go out to on a date, heads turn and we get nasty looks every once in a while. My parents have no problem with it, nor do hers. Both of our families get along great, and we’re hoping for a bright future ahead of us. We both go to college, so most of the people are mature and open minded. Point is, if you fine someone you like, don’t be afraid to go and ask them on a date. Some people, specifically men, need to draw up the courage to ask someone out, and toss all the stereotypes out of the window. Who knows, the person might even be your soul mate. ;D
Comment by NY_WM on 13 April 2009:
Hi Griever,
Thanks for your comment and congratulations on your relationship. That is wonderful that your families are accepting of your relationship.
Of all mixed couples, it seems Asian-descended men and African-descended women are among the most rare. Do you have a theory as to why that is?
Comment by Jersum on 13 April 2009:
Hi Griever, Your story is similar to mine and the love of my life who is a Filipino man. He and I have been together for three years now, and things are really great between us. We recently started checking out this website together, because your right you don’t see many Black women and Asian men couples, not even in Los Angeles where we live. We have gotten many stares, and some comments good and bad, but we never let it affect us. I think aside from our different races, we draw a lot of attention sometimes because even though were both the same height,I love to wear heels which puts me a few inches taller than him, and we’re like the reverse Kimora and Russell Simmons : ) It is so good to here about another relationship such as my own that is working wonderfully despite social negativeness or ignorance, and with family support to boot. Your advice telling people to draw up the courage to ask someone out is sound, people need to take chances, and they too can be in love, and planning their weddings for next year. Thank You for your post. -Jersum
Comment by Tonster on 20 April 2009:
Stupid. Asian women date/marry white men because they are insecure with being asian for they what to pretend to be white. Most asian women date/marry the ugliest white guys anyways. It’s pathetic. Even in the gay community, a lot of gay asian men prefer white guys. And the same thing goes, gay asians usually date the ugliest white guys. Pathetic….
Comment by Tonster on 20 April 2009:
There are a lot of goodlooking asian men. Not the stereotype u see in the movies like Jackie Chan or Jet Le. People who just think asians are nerdy, short, not athletic are or have been living in a bubble or cave. And we asian men age well and when we workout we really look good.
Comment by Tonster on 20 April 2009:
said to say but Gay white men (most of them) who are always fighting for equality and rights are actually racist themselves to other gay black or asian men. It’s hypocritical.
Comment by missS on 23 April 2009:
What’s very interesting to me is how long this post has continued for. It shows that this is a hot topic and people want to talk about it. When we do, we are getting a step closer to a greater freedom of choice with regards to love. I am in a love relationship with an AM right now and I am a BW. I think the hardest thing is dealing with the stares and attention when we go out. We love each other and have to maintain a strong relationship because all the scrutiny can wear down any relationship. I love the way he cooks and I prefer to eat his native foods. Our cultures are very similar and I hope that people can open up their eyes to it. I think with our relationship, as with any other, you have to keep an element of humor in a relationship for balance and to counteract negativity. I am very attracted to asian men in general. When he approched me, I was younger and did not take him seriously. Now I see how much I missed out on. Let’s keep talking about it.
P.S. He is a great listener and knows the number one rule to any successful relationship with ANY woman: “She’s always right!”
Comment by chynadoll on 29 April 2009:
Well i see this topic and i must get in on this, lol i’m a mix female. Chinese,blk, scottish and caribbean indian, from the caribbean. And i would like to date other races, but its like they’re scared to talk to blk females. I was in Europe and the German guys love blk girls, but they don’t know how to approach us. Why is that so, we don’t bite,lol!
Comment by Toree18 on 29 April 2009:
Chynadoll one of the reasons I think they’re afraid to approach us, is also due to a stereotype we’ve been given; and that’s because we are “mean” because we maybe out spoken, or when our toes are stepped on we actually have the nerve to say “ouch.”
The majority of BW who do not suffer from an identity crisis are not very submissive. We don’t usually let people walk all over us, or have someone to tell us to jump and we say “how high.”
Because of the stereotypes, people don’t realize we are capable of expressing ourselves without sounding ethnic, we can be articulate too.
Stereotypes can really be damaging.
Comment by HKDude on 30 April 2009:
Toree18 - I agree that there are lingering stereotypes on all sides which I believe gets in the way of all of us who could otherwise find someone truly special.
You’ve noted some of the negative stereotypes that BW have, it’s been noted in other posts that AM’s are stereotyped as wanting a submissive woman only or are slightly built unattractive girly me. BM are stereotyped as only wanting WW - especially when a certain level of material success is achieved, and then AW only want to date WM (presumably so that both the BM and AW can be more respectable in society - or at least achieve some level of acceptance that they don’t feel they would otherwise have).
Let me just say that I can’t deny that stereotypes may have some basis in reality or nugget of truth, but I’ve been with AW who have been just as opinionated and “mean” as BW are stereotyped to be (in fact as an AM, I laugh to myself when I see some non-AM with an AW thinking that they’re getting themselves a submissive AW and then seeing that it is totally not true - I’ve actually lost track of how many times this has happened). So while there may be some BW, AM, or others who fit a common stereotype, there are many others who don’t - a basic principle we all learned when we were younger is to not to judge a book by it’s cover and I think that basic principle still holds.
Anyway, as other people have said in the comments, I think if we all simply looked past our biased beliefs or stereotypes, then we can truly see that there are some great people out there who could really make you happy.
Bottom line (and I’m paraphrasing what others have said): If you see someone you like, don’t be afraid to go and talk to them (and don’t let society - meaning your friends and family talk you out of it simply because they are a different skin color).
Comment by chynadoll on 30 April 2009:
Good point Toree18, yeah we don’t like the fact that people try to keep us down. I mean if i was a guy i would love to have an independ and strong woman by my side. Not one that when you say jump she say how high.
Comment by chynadoll on 30 April 2009:
Oh i forgot to add, that everyone talking about they have different culture. We understand that, but no one mention our black culture. I’m a very old fashion person and very family oriented.And black ppl are very close to their family as well, we also want our parents blessing when it come to picking a partner. So what the hell, we’re not that different from Asian ppl.
Comment by thedamntruth on 2 May 2009:
I’m British Japaneses and my girlfriend is British Nigerian i never thought of this at a big deal but apparently it sort of is. I get the stereotypes that yellow guys are nerdy, weak and all that shit and ‘can’t handle a black woman’s attitude” my girl is super shy much more like a stereotypical Japanese girl and I’m loud and out going. I read stuff here and other places about cultural differences and while i’m jammin with her and her fam I see some small similarities. I get the whole sidelined thing too but when people say it that way its sounds like a last resort kind of thing and that just sound bad people should get with people they like and not put down their race of men/women coz that just creates a whole lot of problems i never said i hated yellow women and my girl never said she hated black men in fact she said if tyson beckford or morris chestnut asked her to get married she would dump me in a second LOL just kidding
Comment by Mamacita on 2 May 2009:
One of the sexiest guys that I dated was biracial, white and Vietnamese. He was really funny and a good person. We parted ways, but I think about him from time to time. The high school that I attended was mostly black and then, the second largest group was Filipino. When I went to college one of my friends was disgusted by my yearbook pics with all the interracial dating. I didn’t even understand, but she grew up in a segregated part of South Carolina. I just didn’t know people were so prejudice. My mom’s side of the family has Cherokee Indian, black, and white european ancestry. So, she always taught me to just love people for people. She’s darker than my dad, who looks like he is Puerto Rican or Dominican. Funny thing is my dad would probably have more of a problem if I married someone that wasn’t black. But, it is not anybody’s choice, but mine. I’ll marry the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, regardless of his race.
Comment by chynadoll on 2 May 2009:
Soon the whole world will be mix up, as hell. So it don’t matter no more, who the hell you talk to or date. Now how can i find me a nice mix asian guy,lol.
Comment by Toree18 on 2 May 2009:
Mamacita how old are you? Are you in your twenties?
The reason I’m asking is maybe your Father has a reason to feel the way he feels. He may have gone through desegregation back in the 70’s, and if he did it is an experience he will never forget, for those of us who have gone through it. The days of desegregation left alot of deep wounds that will not be forgotten, ask your Dad if he went through desegregation__if he did that’ll explain why he feels that way, especially being a light skinned black in those days.
Comment by paul revere on 3 May 2009:
Interesting comments! I will start out by saying that I am a Korean male who is married to a black female for 7 years. We have two sons who are under the age of 5. Although our relationship has its struggles none of it is based on our racial differences. I think alot of what some people are saying is based on where they live, their social status, etc…I know someone mentioned (starthai) all the asian people she knew were filipinos who worked in her dental office (hardly a represntation of all asian males)so to say they are “weak, spineless, unattractive, as a whole group is funny. And also to say her other involvement was with store owners who harass her because they thinks she is stealing. Now I am sure she is being truthful when she says these things but this is such a small microcosim (sp?) of this country. I live and work in the Washington DC metro area and there are smart, attractive, full of swag, asian males, black males, hispanic males, etc…If your whole interaction with people of other cultures is what you watch on TV, stereotypical impressions, and a small group of people you worked with in one office, it will be skewed, plain and simple.
I will say I do support her decision not to be interested in Asian men, that is her perogative and she should be free to do that as much as other people on here want to date asian men.
I have dated black women from NY, Alabama, Georgia,California, Illinois, Alaska and of course in the DC area. I would say more than anything the difference I noticed between all these women had to do with what part of the country they grew up in, their economic status, values, hobbies, whether or not they had children… but not how light or dark they were…
Comment by salsera77 on 3 May 2009:
To fkoi: I just read your comment from April 6.
Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed the wit and sincerity in my Camouflaged yet Naughty post. Lololololol.
Comment by fkoi on 3 May 2009:
To salsera77: I see and enjoy your comments on various blogs here. You are no fool and you don’t tolerate one either. I like that. Some of this issues are worthy of serious thought, though some of them are nonsense. A friend of mine says, “You gotta learn to take sense from nonsense.”
There is a May 2009 article that was removed from the front page for some reason but is linked from May 2009 above. I am the lone comment dangling in the wind. If you feel like helping a fella out, I’d appreciate it.
As to you comment above, I often get blank stares when I say things that are at all camouflaged, so I’m glad I was able to appreciate your clever (and even better, a little risque wit). Keep ‘em coming.
Comment by starthai on 3 May 2009:
To Paul Revere:
I don’t get why you addressed me specifically(I can only assume)considering there are other females on here who had unwelcoming and bad experiences with Asians, that has lead to them not being interested either. Please keep in mind I’m fully aware there is always exceptions( no matter how small it may be).
To fkoi:
“You are no fool and you don’t tolerate one either”.
I so hope this was not cowardly directed towards me.
Comment by salsera77 on 3 May 2009:
fkoi,
Do you mean that there was an article originally linked to this topic? Hmmm. If so, I don’t recall it. I’ll email you.
Comment by Toree18 on 4 May 2009:
Paul Revere,When I made the comment to Mamacita about her dad and his skin tone, it had to do with him and those of us who were light skinned blacks and the way we were treated by both whites and blacks. In one hand we weren’t accepted by whites, and from the darker skinned blacks more nonacceptance.
We were not only treated prejudice by the whites; there was a reverse prejudice towards us by the black people. I used to have to fight ever day in school because some little girl darker than me with knappy hair didn’t like me, it was the same way for my older sister, and both of my daughters. They still think my oldest daughter is a pure apache__to look at her she really has no african american features. As for my baby girl she’s a shade lighter than salsera, long thick sandy red hair and she has hazel green eyes, and speaking of stereotypes; she’s always being asked by ignorant people if she’s milato_and it really offends her.
But Paul what I was referring to about Mamacita’s dad was, unless you lived through the desegregation of the 70’s as a light complexed black, you wouldn’t have a clue of what we had to go thru by both blacks and whites during those days.In both my daughters cases now days. Stereotypes are like silently passing gas, it lingers and never goes away.
Comment by GaMeR on 9 May 2009:
i love this post a whole lot and would love to share a little of my personal experience with living in the bay area where u have a hugh population of african american and asian american… some of the comment i saw said that asian likes white more<<<this is a fact….most asians in asia prefers their skin to be pale or white…could it be that the want this because of what they see? most definitely…hollywood is hugh in asia….now that some has come to the US and of course has to live in the ghetto first to get themselves back on their feet, what do they see? u got it, lots of blacks on the news….bad news…my greatgrandpa who was in his late 60s was mugged by a coupla black kids…when i was in school, it was the black kids that teased me or wanted to jumped me…funny thing about human is this, when a certain race does something bad to us, we tend to hate that race as a whole for a while until we calm down…sorry for the politically correct people, i bet it will happen to you too if you experienced it first hand….all that is to blame on the bad perspective of a black person in general…now with hollywood,,,,if i remember correctly, i truly and honestly think that it was will smith that broke all stereotype barrier and opened the door for the black male with the movie independence day…yes there were other movie stars but can anyone tell me which one hits it as big as will smith in independence day?…now think about that….that movie was i believe in the year 2000 or so, this is about 300 or so more years of slavery, of blacks being in the US, and about 100 years since movie started showing on the big screen…and think of this too, blacks make up i think 12 percent of the population……
Now with the asians….it is true that asians have been here since the gold rush 1849….up until now, the most significant thing we know about the asians are that the built the railroad…did we know that the jap’s home and businesses were taken away from them during ww2? do we know that the had to leave to go to the concentration camp and had to start all over again? did we know that the chinese were caught up in this too bc the look asian….well these are the original asians in the us….comes the 1970s with the vietname war and a hugh migration of people coming to the us to live starting the late 1970s….my family came in 1980…my whole family bought our way to go on a small boat to malaysia and lived their for 2 years before we were able to come to the us….had there been a storm of some sort, my whole family would have been extinct….
Now in the us….where do we live? you got it, right where the blacks are….with our small feature, guess who gets picked on? kids will be kids,,,,but that left an impression…it has been almost 30 years now, but some of those impression still exist in the older asian generation’s mind…. so u see? there is a reason for everything… now with hollywood, it took a black man up until 2000 to get into a major role on in a major movie, i wander when an asian will get that since we only have 3 4 percent here….
in terms of am bw, anyone who is curious as to why parents have a hard time, that might very well be one of them….one post also said that most asian are not attractive, sorry my people, but it is true… however, i am also seeing changes…i am 5′9 and was the tallest in my family until 2 years ago….some of my cousin has caught up to me and passed me in terms of height and check this out…they are also into black girls…..to me, as an asian male, if u dont know by now, i am happy that they are willing to explore….i think that God has God’s way of doing things….i believe that mixing is one of God’s doing….like everyone in here, i applaud those that have the courage to go beyond the realm of norm….i would do it too if i was still single….i still remember my 2 first black crush…and this is back in year 1988…one of the girls name was maha montoya and the other one wass sooooooooo soooooo dammmmmmmnnnnn fine, tamara something….i can close my eyes and picture her beautiful eyes….
anyway,,,,i will predict this, more am bf relationship will happen….i feel it….never before have i gotten a positive eye contact more often than now…too bad i am happily married and is very faithful….before i leave, i want to thank the jabbawockeez and Quest Crew from mtv’s america’s best dance crew for representing in a positive manner….it might be a small audience u guys are making an impact, but it is a hugh audience of young people that will be our future…PEACE
oh…i do not hold grudge against a whole race now as i have matured from that ignorance
Comment by chynadoll on 14 May 2009:
Gamer, thank for the little info and the history. We have no control over how other race feel about us, and yes the t.v play a big role on alot of culture around the world. I’ve been a few places and see it happen all the time.
Comment by craz4gawf on 14 May 2009:
There are obviously some truth to the generalizations posted here and prejudices exist in every culture when it comes to their families dating outside of their race.
Having grown up in the inner city of Seattle, I’ve seen prejudices on both sides of the fence. I’m Filipino and have always been attracted to black women. Growing up my mother used to tell me she does not want darker grandchildren (darker than me). This never stopped me from going out with girls much darker than me. It actually made me more intrigued in the Afro-American culture. And as a darker skin Filipino, I myself have experienced prejudices w/in my culture. The filipino culture particularly those of light skinned tones looks down @ darker skinned filipinos. Outside of my mother, my siblings and my pops never had a problem with me dating outside of our race. Dating or marrying outside of our races will always be tough because of people succumbing to stereotypes and not being strong enough to deal with ignorance.
“The truth is on the side of the oppressed” Malcom X.
Comment by Marcus on 17 May 2009:
Hello everyone,
I’m a half Chinese and half white guy from England who is engaged to a black woman. We’ve been together for six years now and we’re getting married next year.
Personally I have never gone out to date or not to date a girl of a particular race as it’s pointless and completely ignorant in my opinion. Interacial dating seems to be less of a taboo in the UK than it does in the US as we have had very little bother regarding our relationship.
I also think there’s a hell of a lot of stereotyping going on that really isn’t helpful. I take people at face value as i think it’s the best way to live life.
Marcus
Comment by salsera77 on 20 May 2009:
fkoi, I couldn’t have said it better.
I also wish that some people would stop thinking they can speak for all black women in the whole wide world when in fact obviously we know they can’t.
Comment by fkoi on 22 May 2009:
Ms. Diva & Ms. 77 thanks for your affirmative support in this regard. I have seen you both in these blogs and if intelligent and thoughtful women such as yourselves are behind me, I must be saying something right.
My next question is why does it take up to five days to have my comments moderated if in the end something so poorly thought out as I alluded to slips into “print” anyway?
If it’s all about economics, I understand, though this site seems to be doing better than ever. One of the appeals of a blog is the instant appearance. I never even get a green check anymore because the approval always takes longer than 24 hours. I realize that I’m on the West Side so it’s almost quitting time in the East and so I adjust. And if a long delay is required to keep these blogs free of ignorance and racism I may be in favor of it, though I abhor censorship almost as much.
Comment by salsera77 on 23 May 2009:
I wrote to the moderators too and it’s good they took care of the issue. I’m in the east. I’m sure they also got several complaints. Support wrote me that they use a computer tracking method system which only goes so far in moderating so as they said, it’s better to write to the moderators rather than to only put the complaint on these blogs…and we did.
Comment by sexyp1 on 24 May 2009:
I’ve seen quite a few asian men I would date.
Comment by Naomi on 28 May 2009:
I have been dating an asian man for about 4 years. we are okay but the culture difference causes frictions alone with other obstacle like our parents. Before him I ever got acqainted, I dated a phillipine fellow and we hit it off just find except he had to move out of the country with his father due to separation of his mother and father. Now I am truly in love Shui as he is with me yet he and I have so many differences though we face them together.
We may never get married or have a family but our hearts, souls, and mind never allow us to escape past that. People from all other compliments us some actually star at us. My best friends are asian and they strongly suggest to me that it will never work nor will it ever happen yet here we are! I am an african american woman and my love is from canton china though we dated for 4 years we fear the worst of family hurting one of us if we choose to be more like an embarrassment from both sides of family then them seeing our true hearts.
Whomever wishes to be let it be with the heart and mind and not with the look of a person skin. As a black woman I have never dated a black fellow, but I have dated asian mostly, middle eastern man, and whites, so I have my share of knowing to follow heart and mind not anything else
Comment by So4Asian on 31 May 2009:
Hello Naomi,
You hang on to your relationship. I myself have been in love with Asian men since I was 19. I’ve always found the men, and the culture most fascinating.
I work for a Japanese company, so I see Asian men all the time. They speak and smile, but that’s about it. I’ve never been brave enough to actually go any further than just speaking or a simple conversation.
I actually embarrassed myself one afternoon at lunch. One of our Chinese clients walked in the lunchroom. He’s so sexy!!. He’s like Chow Yun Fat and Tony Leung Chiu Wai sexy.
Anyway, I was staring at him so hard, that he caught me. I was so embarrassed. He just smiled, and bowed his head slightly.
After my lunch, while I was leaving the lunch room, I walked passed him. He smiled again.
One of my co-workers said, “Girl, make that move”. I said I just might.
When he sees me now, he still smiles( he has a smile that can melt butter). So I said to myself..”Let The Dance Begin”.
I’ve been studying Asian History and culture, preferably Chinese and Japanese. I begin my class in Mandarin Chinese in a few weeks.
The only way I be comfortable in approaching Asia men, is for me to have a better understanding of their history, culture and language.
It will definitely be a nice way to break the ice. I’m quite sure they would not expect me to know how to speak Chinese.:-)
Comment by DeAm on 2 June 2009:
I have never dated outside of my race until now. I have currently been dating an asian man for 3 weeks now and I am having a time of my life. It’s definitely a different experience but at the same time fun and exciting. This guy knows how to treat a lady. Yes…he made the first move. Actually, I did not pay him any attention until he keep coming around at our work place. I start to notice him more and more. Then finding myself attracted to him. He’s not like the average asian guy. He’s medium height with a well fit body. So, from this experience I can say I am glad I dated outside my race because now it’s like I was missing out on something wonderful. It’s good to keep your options open. Like someone stated, love does not have a color. You should follow your heart….
Comment by matty from australia on 6 June 2009:
im an asian male and my gf is black south african were 18 and in love xxxxooooo
Comment by 3pink-dol3 on 6 June 2009:
I am a 14 year old girl and have found myself attracted to asian guys since i was about 12 years old when i saw the most gorgeous caramel skinned asian guy who was buying something in John Lewis.
I’ve been obessed with them ever since, but have only admitted it to my close friends because i’m worried other people will ridicule me. I do find black guys attractive as well but something about them just isn’t as appealing as asian guys, i think this is because its so much harder to find a really good looking, tall (as i am 5 ft 7) and well dressed asian guy rather than a black guy.
The other sexy asian guy i saw was in my eyes the perfect type of guy i was lookin for, but as usual he was surrounded by asian men and women and found myself to embarassed to go and talk to him.
These stories of happy BW/AM couples have inspired me to not ignore my instincts to please my friends and instead give into my feelings. I want to be with a asian guy and it is as simple as that, maybe some day i’ll date a black guy just for the heck of it but not any where in the near future.
Thanks for inspiring me…peace
Comment by SFR on 16 June 2009:
I am a Black Woman and I have always been attracted to Asian men: Mostly Chinese & Filipino…
Filipino men loveeeee Black Woman!
Next week I am going on my first date with a FINE ASS Filipino man who is sexy as hell!
I can’t wait!
SFR
Comment by aigoo on 23 June 2009:
I’m a black woman who thinks good looking men are hot no matter what race they’re from. My cousin not too long ago married a Chinese guy and they have a baby together and seem to be very happy, luckily for her, the husband is older so she didn’t have to worry about his parents approving of their relationship. I come from a very large family so the news was a shock (mostly because everyone thought asian men don’t date outside of their race)but no one ever opposed of her dating outside of her race, because she’s not the first and won’t be the last to love someone for who they are and not what there racial identity is. My younger sister is married to a hispanic guy, my older sister just started dating a korean man(sigh: she’s a health nut/he’s a health nut maybe it will work, either way his family is in Korea so I don’t see a problem with them just dating and me…well I’m dating a conceited guy (Italian/Black) who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. Now that’s what you really have to watch out for!!!
I hope that the women out there who are wanting to date outside of their race have some courage, smile and show yourself friendly. Many cultures have a warped perception of black women so you’ll have to deal with a lot of that.
Comment by force on 24 June 2009:
I think there is a difference with Filipinos and the other “asians”
for many years, people have called the filipinos the “black asians”… they have more soul and appreciate a lot of the same things that black cultures generally do.
it’s just cultural I guess. Filipinos don’t relate with Japanese, Chinese, Koreans etc. as much as people like to assume, plus they don’t even resemble the other asians very much
Comment by Marcus on 1 July 2009:
“for many years, people have called the filipinos the “black asians”… they have more soul and appreciate a lot of the same things that black cultures generally do”
That’s a strange generalisation, can you explain what exactly having more soul is?
Comment by Ariah on 3 July 2009:
I’m a young black female who had never been as attracted to black men as I have to other races. I’m currently with an Asian man. He says Im the first African-American woman he had been with but he loves me and we have even planned a future together. Asian men and black women have been placed on the sidelines in America. But I dont think its just the cultures that are keeping us serperate, I think it may be the people themselves. Everyone needs to start being more open to the idea of mixing. I’d love to see more of our sisters with nice Asian men.
Comment by Ariah on 3 July 2009:
P.S. The Asian I’m dating is of Filipino decent, so that comment that was made earlier interested me a bit. LOL
Comment by RegularAsianGuy on 4 July 2009:
I find reading all these comments very interesting. I can tell you from my experience as an Asian male in his mid 30’s who was born and raised in NYC: Many, although not all, Asian guys actually find Black women very attractive and would like to date them. I know this from the comments my friends make in conversations and when they see other Asian men with Black women and talk about how lucky they are. The problem, in my opinion, is that Asian men are not confident enough to ask Black women out, including Latins. It’s a stereotype, but many Asian men tend to be shy when approaching women outside of their race, particularly Black women. Why? Because we perceive Black women as strong and into strong and macho men, which many of us are not. So we either go for the Asian women or the occasional white girl because they are not expecting the macho stuff. My only suggestion is that if you are interested in that particular Asian man, then approach him and ask him out. Yes, it may be a pain in the ass, but that same flaw in him that is making you ask him out is the same asset that will make him loyal to you and treat you with the respect and sensitivity you deserve. And personally, I have dated Black women and find them extremely attractive. but often times the ones I see and am attracted to I do not know if they are as attracted to me as I am to them. Good luck everyone and may there be more Tiger Woods!
Comment by golden on 4 July 2009:
Why do you black women and (men) short change yourself? Most races (white, asian) are satisfied and prefer (well the majority do and that is the truth like it or not) with their own kind, it is always black people that are always chasing after and taking up with this, that and the other. No wonder the black race is in a mess. Why don’t black women TAKE back their own men, I really feel this would lead to less problems and eventually get us out of the mess that we are in. Like I said in one post that if I was faced with the posibility of dating and marrying a white man, he would have to be very very very rich, because being white in itself would be not enough to justify a relationship with a white man.
Comment by Rodrigo on 4 July 2009:
I’m not Black nor Asian but wouldn’t it be nice if we treated each other as we do when we kiss? Everytime we kiss we close our eyes. It’s the feeling that matters then not the color or race.
Comment by SaBinh on 4 July 2009:
I met a pretty woman last night at she’s mix black and white. Her name is Biance and I’m Asian
Comment by GT on 5 July 2009:
If you’re a black woman interested in dating interracially, there is a blog that will be helpful for you called “For The Sistas.” It also has posts on dating for black Christian women. Some of the posts are a bit long, but they aren’t any longer than the cover story of a magazine article and I really do think they’ll be useful to you. The blog address is ForTheSistas (dot) blogspot (dot) com. By the way, the blog also has information on dating men from Europe.
Black women need to get off this black-man-only band wagon because, for too many, it obviously is not working. I’m not saying don’t date black men, just expand your options. Please forward this to other black women you know.
Comment by SAM on 6 July 2009:
I am a Filipino Guy I’ve been in carribean (haiti)for six months I meet a lot of pretty ebony colored women, they are very smart and lovable my heart was caught by a fellow UN worker she very lovely and dazzling i wanted to own her for the rest of my life… i love colored women… ilove you all i will come back in haiti soon..
Comment by missmami69 on 11 July 2009:
i dunno wut Starthai is talkin about. im a black female. im from L.A rampart section and they have some fionne lookin filipino boys in thet area!! i am mostly attracted to the “thugged” out asians like filipinos. phil tayag from jabbawockes whoa my hubby!!! i dunno if i should date an asian right now. ive had relationship with black,samoan, latino men before. i dunno .. whut do my sistas think ?
Comment by kimpab on 14 July 2009:
This is a great topic, I can’t find it anywhere else on the web. I’m Korean male that was adopted and I want to speak only for myself and not other Asian or Korean guys. I actually have never had many asain or white women interested in me. It’s always been more black and hispanic women. I can’t say I’ve dated them because I haven’t really dated in general.
I get along better with the second 2 because my characteristics are a little opposite of Asian males. I’m not quiet, I have a high self-confidence, I’m a loner, and I love women that are sexy, intelligent, and strong willed. Many of
the Black women I meet fit that bill.
It’s important to realize that you shouldn’t marry or date the person you like because of their ethnicity but because of their character and qualities that you seek in them. I would agree as many have pointed out that the reason black women and asian men are not as compatible is because of traditional asian culture and black women are more strong-willed. Another thing is all my friends that are Asian tend to be more intimidated or reserved towards not only black but as well as latino and some white women.
Comment by aliekatt2 on 15 July 2009:
Some of these posts are just infantile.
I have dated Koren men, Filipino men, Japanese, Chinese, Guamanian, Cantonese, and a few more. I ask again, where do you people live??? LmaO!
Comment by VvsSovann on 21 July 2009:
Wake Up people, the movement is on. I am an asian who primarily dates african amerian women. I will end up with one, and I know this. I find black women attractive and I know that these beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. If you really are interested, come visit me at dcambw.ning.com.
Such foolishness surrounds the tabooness. I am abou the future, and if the future is filled and left of just the status quo, then I will have no parts of it.
Relationships, no matter what race are beautiful. I don’t feel that I am sideleined, I don’t have a problem with getting or maintaining women, and I don’t feel that the lovely sisters that I associate with feel any different.
You all are very humorous to me. I never seen so many people talk about being free and not live up to the ideals of it, and if you think for a moment that these thigs are not related, think again. We are free to love and want who we choose. And if your family, culture, background, or limited / uneducated thinking binds you to really believing Asian Men and Black Women relations don’t exist, then stay in the hole that you dived into.
My family does not choose who I will marry. They will not be the ones parenting the children that will come, build and hold up the house that we will live in together, or pay the bills that we will have. I will be the one making love to my wife, listenting to her hurts, and growing to create the most blessed future that we will fight for. Let’s not make this taboo anymore. Let’s create the future that is supposed to be. One Race, One Love, under One God in One World!
Genuinely,
V
Comment by bossladiie on 21 July 2009:
I have to agree with a comment. I never really even put a single thought in my mind about asian men. Until in school i had a close asian friend, who later told me he always took an interest in me. We eventually dated, and i must say that i have enjoy my relationship with him than any A/A male i’ve been with. since my eyes have been open to chinese men, but where i live you dont see them much. Odd i would see a asian female and A/A male together, go figure.
Comment by Shotgun007 on 29 July 2009:
Seeing black women and asian men is a rarity…but it’s one that I hope will change real soon!!!
Shotgun007
Comment by Xuefeng on 1 August 2009:
Well, I didn’t realize this option until someone that just happen to know me in middle school, started to talk to me when she started working at my Mcdonalds. She said that she tried saying hi to me, but I ignored her. As for me I couldn’t remember anything from middle school. She said that I was her crush in middle school, unfortunately she also thought that I didn’t like her in middle school, since I ignored her… Which I really don’t remember her saying anything to me or even trying to communicate with me. Anyways, we talk at work and everything, but I don’t get to close, cause she is in a relationship, but I just try to comfort her when she is unwilling to work. This really opened a channel for me to like black girls. Honestly the only two race that I have known to like me is Asian and Blacks. Of course I’m opened to all race, but sometimes the words that my Aunt tells me pops up and I rethink, but she is not me and this life is not about sticking with your own race. Living here on earth, we learn for God and the many possibilities makes it possible for you to do anything, except for when you do serious crimes/sins. God loves all.
As for the moment I am not ready to make a decision on a partner as of yet, since I am still trying to straighten up my life and still too young.
This life is always interesting, only a few will see that. Oh and by the way I know this post is confusing. I would write better if I was writing an article about it. Imma just end it here.
Comment by Caribgirl on 2 August 2009:
I found this site while looking for a little comfort. I am a 39 year old single, well, divorced Black woman. I met a korean Man about two and a half years ago when he came to my country in the caribbean to work.he worked in the same building in which i ran my business and he lived opposite my house. we spent lots of time together and although we never considered ourselves a couple.we could feel eachother so strongly. we did make love a couple of times,however we never had sex. he is the best kiss that I ever had , and for those of you that would like to know, he is very small.love it and love him though. understanding his strong cultural background has been the hardest thing for me.having been an independant woman for 12 years has made it difficult for me to be obediant if not i would argue. we recently had an argument that caused him to stop talking to me. now I feel like I am dying for this asian man. it has been one month and he refuses to communicate with me. I feel so devastated.I want my Korean man back so badly. I am so in love.my heart cannot take it any more. can some Korean person tell me how to get through to him.i know that he feels that I desrespected him by arguing in front of his employee. help
Comment by bmoreguy on 9 August 2009:
Most asian guys wont even attempt to date a black woman because of all the stereotypes and racism that asian men are subject to in the USA. So why would a asian man even think about dating a black women if he thinks he has no chance.
Comment by nandi on 10 August 2009:
salsera77 & fkoi….Thank you, good to read some mature and non-racists views.
I also wish that some people would stop thinking they can speak for all black women in the whole wide world when in fact obviously we know they can’t.
THANK YOU!!!!
. Is a Nigeria-raised woman the same as a Black woman who can trace her roots back in the States for 400 years. Not likely. Folks whose family has been University educated for generations are likely to see this question differently than people who have no diplomas of any kind in their families
THANK YOU
These stereotypes and monolithic statements are what keeps racism alive and not progressive dialogue..My parents are from the West Indies and although I was born in the states, clearly my “history, cultural, food etc…Would be different from that of an African-Americans or a Nigerian woman..Neither can speak for me and I cannot speak for every women in the Jamaica…
However, my great-grandfather was Chinese (although in Jamaica we are not that specific on race, you are either Jamaican or a foreigner, by grandfather was about 5 or 6 generation Jamaican. These stereotypes on Asian men is offensive and totally racists. I guess change really does start within..
However, the posts that indicated stereotypes of Asian men being defeatist and weak is what I object to the most (other than lumping me in with Black Women world wide). Asian men and women are overall very educated and successful in this country, their incomes in many fields surpasses even White Americans, there are good in entrepreneurship as well, no one can rate that high by being defeatist and weak. Nor are they cowardly afterall, Korean? Vietnam? Japan?..I do not think anyone could say with some level of intelligence and knowledge that they were a fordible foe in conflict. I find them attractive, intelligent and committed to their families and the well being of their children. I also find that to be moreso Alpha males.
However, some of this comments in regards to sticking with your own kind…Well based on my own cultural ties that would still land me in the West Indies. Just like a Nigerian woman would end up in Nigeria. You cannot lump of Asians together since they are like what India, Iran, Vietnam Japan, Korea, China etc…Basically all over the map and I positive their cultural, language and food etc..are all DIFFERENT.
Unbelievable indeed!
Comment by Shotgun007 on 11 August 2009:
Somehow my post didn’t get entered yesterday so I edited it a little… Anyways…
EXCELLENT POST!!Nandi,
I was about to respond to a few of the remarks, that I found slightly “off-putting” until I read your post and once again…….
Every word written in your post mirrors my exact sentiments. I cannot express how upsetting/discerning it is to hear a certain race/group that appears to embrace negative stereotypes about themselves. In my opinion it only weakens a culture and reinforces negative outside “cross-cultural” views.
The standards of attractiveness in Hollywood may have defeated some and it’s unfortunate.
Asian men are NOT by far (in my opinion) the last desired. When I look at their level of success, knowledge, will-power, brain power, contributions to the community, I find them highly attractive.
When I see Asian men/families where I live, all I see is a “Family Unit”… a strong one at that. I have never looked at Asian men and thought any different. We just have to be open to other forms of beauty.
I wish some of these blogs could be a little healthier in terms of encouraging interracial mingling/courtship. I find it difficult to progress if we continue to let these stifling myths cloud our judgment and continue to shape our views of other races.
I’m out everybody!!! Take Care…
Comment by nandi on 11 August 2009:
Shotgun007
Thank you and Excellent Post as well!
“I wish some of these blogs could be a little healthier in terms of encouraging interracial mingling/courtship. I find it difficult to progress if we continue to let these stifling myths cloud our judgment and continue to shape our views of other races.”
So true! Because when people do that, they often become or have become what they most protest about- a racist, who prejudges, make unfounded generalizations and stereotypes of others based on perceived ideologies or Hollywood stereotypes. That is not healthy or progressive.
I also wish these blogs were more progressive and we could hear from a more diverse group of people, after all that is the point of this website.
I hope you find that special someone though and I wish you the best in your endeavors. I believe you to be a progressive, intelligence woman who smart enough to not limit yourself in the endless possibilities in your pursuits.
Take Care as Well
Comment by asianguy on 12 August 2009:
I found this post and was intrigued. First off, I’m an Chinese male who grew up in New York City after parents immigrated here. Growing up, I went to school in East Harlem and then college in the city and I have always been attracted to non-asians, particularly blacks and latinos, but in my experience, thefeeling was rarely reciprocated. In college, however, it seemed like the BW were more open-minded and there was more flirting and possibilities, but I’ve always stayed in my comfort zone, dating asians.
I’m now married, but I still maintain friendships with black women and all I hear is how they’re looking for a stable relationship with a responsible man who can take care of them which would describe me perfectly. Maybe it’s the stereotype of the chinese man who delivers your chinese food or other image that American society portrays of the saisn male, but I never identified with any of those (even though it does affect me in the background).
I’m an attractive asian male (according to friends), successful (not a doctor, but in media) witty and worldly guy (so I like to think, natch) who’s not at all shy. (SIDE NOTE: I won’t embarrass myself on the dance floor).
I do however have wondered what it would have been like to date a black female. I’m still very attracted to them (their dark complexion, brown eyes and full lips).
Just my two cents to the topic.
Comment by fatooti on 12 August 2009:
voltire once said that people would only change if they allowed themselves to be enlightend; the problem is that people cling on to their sterotypes and use their views to shroud their fears of the other.
I was speaking to a friend at work and said that I had always had been attracted to Asian men especially first/second generation American ones but I had allowed society to dictate to me what type of relationship I should be in, her response was to wave her little finger about. This links back to what I said in the paragraph above,the moment we let those scales fall away from our eyes is the moment that we realise that the concept of beauty and attractivenes is present in all races; even if you have a preference to one.
I for one have decided when I make my next choice of partner he is going to be asian, asian, asian! but also process the other traits that I find appealing.
For all those who are attracted to someone that is alittle different from them, I say………embrace it!
Comment by Animepandafreak on 13 August 2009:
I’m a 15 year old teen black girl and I’m very open bout race and people in general. but ive always been attacted to asian guys more then others, I think other races are just as hot but …
My parents want me to marry in my race but for me if I love the person no matter what and he ends up not to be black Ill convince my parnets he’s a great guy you know
I dont get the whole thing bout asian guys havin a “small penis” dont get it whatever it just a dumb rumor.
I mostly seen asian women with black guys at school and TV and rarely any asian guys and black women I want to see more in my area of Va. I want to see more diversity that will be nice ^^
Comment by Anthony on 14 August 2009:
Hi, I am an asian man. I’m open to dating black women. I’ve dated several white women and asian women, but have never dated a black woman. I do find black woman just as attractive as any other woman. But the problem is location. Where I live (in california), there is not a huge population of black people in my community. I can count the number of black people i see on one hand. Although I am open to date black women, the opportunities to do so is almost nil.
Comment by tigre on 16 August 2009:
Yes a AM/BW couple is a rare thing, however it is not a problem. I myself am a BW and dated a AM for 4 years and yes there were family issues but not really because of race but age, we were in HS, only 16 when we got together. The relationsip ended because we were growing a part and seaprated by college not really staying connected and things like that. However we are talking again as of a month ago.
We have talked about our past and even about our folks his and mine. Neither side care about race just as long as we (they’re children) are being safe and happy with eachother and not doing anything stupid.
Also like I said it is a rare thing to have a AM/BW couple and so we have gotten some looks when we are out but neither of us care, especially him. He thinks it’s funny how they look and think how’d that happen and him laughing at it makes me laugh.
I myself have always found men of other races attractive and men of my own race. Race should never matter to a woman or man. What should count is how you are treated, personality, beliefs and morals. If issues come up in those areas that are undoubtably changable then the relationship will not work, but there is never a problem with giving a relationship a change.
Comment by tigre on 16 August 2009:
Oh forgot to add that we were a part for 2 years (together for 4 yrs, spilt for 2 and now talking again).
Plus we stayed friends the entire time we weren’t together. Yes in the beginning we barely talked to each other but that slowly faded and we chatted again. We know each other inside an out, and we have already talked about if we don’t make it as a couple this time around we will always remain friends.
Comment by Only1Kim on 18 August 2009:
I live in the Texas, & that is a rarety. There are many ww/bm, bm/latino, bm/asian women & so forth. Not many wm/bw couples or they maybe hiding I don’t know. I worked with a Fillipino woman who told me that black people should stay with their kind. Maybe it’s that reasoning for the lack of Asian/Black couples.
Comment by Laid Back NYC Chick on 18 August 2009:
Good topic. I am a Black-American Female and have a fair amount of experience with East Asian culture both in the U.S. and abroad.
One of the reasons the BW/AM coupling is rare is because — I hate to say it– entrenchment of rigid cultural and social ideas/expectations in Asian culture. The concept of “Face” is a prime example of this. In East Asian culture everyone is all about surface, how one appears to others: what kind of job you have, where you were educated (sorry only Harvard/Yale get full recognition), how much money you make, having the latest Louis Vuitton/Prada handbag, what you look like –I’ve seen women who are clearly skinny be derided as “fat”, the list goes on and on. While this may be Asian society’s traditional way of laying firm family foundations, it makes for poor independent decision making on a personalized level. Decisions are made based upon how one will look to others, family first then friends, and usually in that order.
With this kind of mindset, it is little wonder that Asian males find it difficult to deviate from their cultural upbringing and seriously explore other cultures for courtship and possibly marriage, let alone a Black woman. Everything has to be safe. And by all American standards, Black is the furthest thing from safe, unless you come from money and have a good education (and that’s a big UNLESS).
Also, to be frank, guys are lazy in general and will go with the path of least resistance. So if their comfort zone consists of mostly Asian women, and white women, that’s what they will stick with.
It is really an unusual Asian male who dares to break away from these cultural norms, and defies expectations to openly date a Black woman. (Well, at least I have yet to meet one). Otherwise, if they are dating a Black woman it’s on the DL for reasons mentioned above.
Another thing is that Asian males are prized in the family (especially the eldest son) more than females, so if they decide to date outside of their race it is like taboo, and likely a stain on their family and cultural heritage. Heck, even dating an Indian (an inter-ethnic connection) might be considered bold. One caveat here: white women are acceptable although not the first preference in Asian families.
Black women are far more open to dating outside of their race than is rumored. So for the Asian male who “goes rogue” sans the typical male fear of female rejection and pursues her, I think there is hope.
The other good news is that younger generations (in my 30’s) seem to be way more open minded about these things than I think my generation is. At least they’re more fearless about their choices in the most intimate area of their lives: their relationships. Kudos to them!!!
Comment by Mel81 on 22 August 2009:
To “starthai”
So you think Filipinos are ugly? Guess what, some of us feel the same about blacks. Hey, it’s only fair. You can’t call a group ugly (or have have you) and not get the same thing thrown in your face. It’s only natural. As far as the article, instead of people whining about black women and asian men being single, maybe they should just get together.
I’m mixed and grew up in a white bred neighborhood so I usually like white guys (most of them are not my type but there’s a small percentage I do like as far as looks go.) I know I’m racist but Im no more so than my coworker Tiana who apparently only goes for light skinned black men (shes half black and puerto rican.) Believe it or not, I actually read somewhere (a study - unfortunately I dont have extra info. on it) that people (usually) like those who are more physically similar. Yes, there are LOTS of mixed couples like my folks, but I normally see couples who look similar in race in my area anyway. Just an opinion.
Comment by Shotgun007 on 23 August 2009:
Mel81, I really think you should disregard another person’s opinion of another “groups” appearance.
I find Pilipino and Asian men highly attractive as I’ve stated previously. I think the Pilipino & Asian culture in general has gorgeous features.
Just my opinion..(Not referencing anyone in particular) Sometimes in these blog posts, you may run across a few subscribers who may initiate generalized comments about another culture based on a few of their own personal experiences. But keep in mind they are speaking from THEIR experience and NOT speaking for an entire race.
My take is, Asian men or black women can’t begin the dating process unless we reach out to one another. It takes an effort on both parts and to cast down all of the stereotypes to begin with.
Another thing we have to look at is the concentration of Asian men and black women in the same geographical area. There are few cities that can say the ratio of Asian men and black women are relatively high, so I think we can factor this small aspect into the equation.
Just my take…
Comment by Moon Child on 27 August 2009:
I have read every single post and am very intrigued and well informed as to the nature of the attractions btw Asian men and Black women. I have been doing some research after having a huge crush on a Chinese man last year, since then my attraction has increased as he indicated that he liked me as well. But due to age difference and the fact he is in the military, we had to part ways. *sigh* I have been tied down to the subconscious and unspoken chains of being able to love only black men. Unfortunately none of those relationships panned out very well. I won’t go into why here we all know what the most common reasons are, they have already been listed. I used to date men of other races but that shut down in my early years of college, that was years ago, then I got married to my now x husband and have never looked back. Now at this space in my life I am once again willing and desiring to move outside of my self imposed cultural box and find love and relationship with a bright, intellectual, fun, open minded, giving, family oriented, deeply sexual and spiritual man of another race and Asian men I very attractive to me in so many ways. I have always liked their style and culture. I do not care about racial ignorance or other peoples issues with it, I have never been one to care about such things. What I desire is too truly relate to a man of color deeply and profoundly and I desire to move in another direction and this is it.
Like so many other AA women on this thread I find Jet Li to be extremely attractive as well as the other Asian men listed. I am open and willing now I need to find out HOW to meet Asian men. I do not live in a State or city that has a high population of non married asian males…..I am 38 yrs old and looking for a man who is 34-45. Do any of you fine people know the best places to meet and talk with Asian men? As in internet, state or city? I am in Michigan right now but am willing to relocate as I am looking to move in the next year or two anyway. I would kindly except any suggestions.
I have been out of ANY KIND of relationship for over 10 years, working on self, gaining self awareness, self love, improving myself and have established myself as a business woman and am more successful everyday. I am READY to spread my wings and fly!
Thank you for any responses.
Moon Child
Comment by daisy101 on 7 September 2009:
Well im still young but,also so happy i found this. Im an african american female that really has a thing for asian guys and this has been going on ever since i was 10.I don’t think race matters at all because in the end if you love someone you’ll be happy anyways and you shouldn’t care what anyone says;]
Comment by dolly48 on 9 September 2009:
I dont know who starts these conversations? it seems more neg than pos.
communication is good, but it should start on a positive note?
JMHO
Comment by ching chang on 10 September 2009:
imma Asian man,
ask me a questions
Comment by kitten on 11 September 2009:
I just started to date an Asian Guy. The emotional chemistry is right on and I am falling for him fast and the feeling is mutual. I am concerned about the physical stereotypes though and don’t want to be suprised on our honeymoon.
I know it shouldnt matter but sexual chemistry is important to me.
Is it really true? You know the myth… I dont mean to be vulgar but that is the only thing that worries me, and both ways not just my pleasure but his as well.
Help!
Comment by newgirl1 on 12 September 2009:
Hello Mr. Chang, I would like to thank you first of all for your time and consideration in answering my question. I’m an older, African American woman who has always from grade school been attracted to Asian men. But I have found that older Asian men around the ages over 45 do not date and or marry black women. Would you explain some reason why and are there in places a black woman could go to help her chances of meeting an Asian man who is open to interracial relationships with us.
Comment by sweetvalleygirl on 15 September 2009:
Hi, I’m a black woman who dates Asian men, I have dated Asian men ever since I can remember starting dating back in my mid-teenage years up until now at the age of 33.I love them and they love me. Live and let live!!! I say…..Interracial dating isn’t for every one. Especially those who feel that they would be frownd upon by their race and others.One must truely have an I don’t care what my race or other people say attitude.Two people in love is beautiful regardless of race or color.If your that insecure that a man from Asian decent wouldn’t find a black female attractive and want to be in a relationship with her…you obviously are closed minded and must not be among those of us living on planet earth.The myth about Asian men having little penises isn’t true!!! Don’t believe the hype.All men regardless of race or color come in all various sizes(and no…not all black and white men are packing!)All I saying is you don’t know what your missing if you haven’t tried.
Comment by asiandude on 16 September 2009:
bullcrap if you think asian dudes think low on black girls. I.. I <- (who’s only lived in AZ for 5years) am a Korean, and my first love was a black girl. We couldn’t even be official because my parents who live overseas couldn’t accept the fact that I was liking someone black.. f’d up shi*, and I hate thar stubborn part of the Korean culture, but what can I say.. All it takes is time.
Comment by chynadoll on 16 September 2009:
you take your time asiandude, if you love someone and they love you back. Ain’t shit can stop that or come between you guys. Even if you have to keep it on down low.
Comment by Moon Child on 16 September 2009:
I am preparing to move to Canada in a year or two and am making preparations. I am seriously looking at the Vancouver/Victoria area. I will be visiting next year.
So, I am hoping (fingers crossed) that I will meet and mingle with some intelligent, available, progressive and loving Asian men. I have talked with some over the internet and the experiences have been less than desirable.
But we all know that for the most part the internet is a haven for sicko’s anyway.
NIce comments
Moon Child
Comment by HyderabadChick on 16 September 2009:
“if you’re insecure about the reactions of Asians to blacks - it’s because you’re closed minded”
Ahh….always refreshing to know that my fears are really “just my problem”.
‘Cause it’s my crazy imagination that Asians themselves have repeatedly expressed disdain not only for dark skin for Africans and African Americans and the physical features common to both.
Asians live in a collective - community oriented culture - what??
Even if the guy might like black women, many are only interested in experimentation? - Nahhh
Some might be interested but are held back by the reactions of their communities? - Overstatement!
Obviously, all the black women who have experienced the above themselves - they’re just closed minded!
Thanks for those insights - Always great to receive an education about my mental defects as a black woman with fears.
Comment by Susan on 16 September 2009:
i’m black woman, and my husband is Vietnamese he is 5 year younger than me. We married for 11 year and we have 3 beautiful kids. There not many black/asian couples because for Asian men refer white, but not all of them. I want to say thank god for wonderful husband, and kids
Comment by amber on 20 September 2009:
i dont know about this one…sounds complex….they like white women and asian women best…my advice leave them totally alone.
Comment by IndoPak Boy on 20 September 2009:
I think that anyone who believes that Asians (Orientals from the Far East or Indians from India-Pakistan-like myself) and Blacks are going to get together and form a big cultural shift in inter-marraige are deluding themselves!!!
Black culture and situations are very different to Asians. Black culture is built around the idea of masculinity for men and `being strong` for women. In Asian cultures, the women are expected to be very feminine and men masculine in a more subtle and responsible way (e.g. getting an education, instilling values, successul marraige, etc.). Also, education is emphasized in all of Asian groups. Unfortunately, the perception- backed up with facts-shows blacks do poorly in this regard.
Physically, the two groups are completely apart. Blacks like full-figured women, big booties and disproportionate lips etc. Asians like their women a bit curvy (e.g. Indian and Pakistan) or very small and flat (e.g. Japan). However, one thing both Asians agree on is that they like `lighter`skin- especially on their women with long straight beautiful hair that is hard to come by in the Black community. For Asians, having dark skin (esp. like a black person) is the greatest form of offence. It is associated with low-class, dirty, and ugly rough people that work in the fields.
Believe me, I have been to India (over 1 year) and born in Pakistan and now living in Canada with many Asian (esp. Chinese) friends. Anyone who thinks that the cases sighted (of intermarraige) above are symbolic of a big trend is living a fantasy. Black women are generally the group held most in disfavour among Asians (heck, North Indians generally can`t stand the dark-skinned Tamils from the South). However, Black women generally don`t like us in return. Physically and intellectually, I don`t think we are meant to be with each other. I, for one, would never date a black or mulatto female and know a great many others!
Comment by shotgun007 on 21 September 2009:
The subject of this article has nothing to do with infusing the World by the Masses by that of a black women and Asian men couples. You missed the point entirely, IndoPakBoy.
One thing I agree on, some of my many black female friends would respectfully decline an Asian man’s advances or friendship altogether. Most of my friends say that they are not attracted to them because they appear to be weak, small/short, speak in broken English sentences, have problems communicating, abrasive-rude personalities, etc.
But then again, part of what you mentioned may give light to why Asian Women prefer White Men instead of Asian men. Perhaps it speaks to the Asian male population? Who knows?
I have found a few Korean men very attractive, I can’t say that for majority of the others that I’ve came into contact with.
I don’t think you’ll find too many black women selectively choosing an Asian male as a companion, so your dilemma is basically nonexistent.
Comment by Dove37 on 22 September 2009:
I am an african american woman who is dating an Asian man from Europe. I was never opposed to dating Asian men because of their similar yet not as hostile contribution they made to American as well. In spite of the historical standpoint my friend very nice. He is tall dark and I think handsome. He is generous and wants to learn more about black history. He is caring, strong and very respectable. He loves black women! There could be some validity to America racist views in terms of who belong together. However I don’t let that stop me. We travel to Europe and domesticly. He doesn’t understand why the U.S. is so prejudice because in Europe, they really don’t see color. Not like here. We are going to Turkey next year.
Comment by Dove37 on 22 September 2009:
Just to add, my asian man and I have been dating for 1 1/2 years. He is indonesian. His parents loved me from day one. Very nice family. They cook for me and pick up gifts for me when they travel and treat me like their daughter. All I have to say is that we black women are going to have to be more open in our views as to who we want as a mate. Our race of men is becoming more difficult to date (love my brothers). Very non-commital and some very insecure.
My asian guy tells me he loves me everyday. He loves the color of my skin (dark brown). He loves my intelligence. He loves my hair…short regular sister hair that require a perm after 2 months. He loves my lips, and is proud to be in my company. He calls me sexy,beautiful,loves my shape (butt), and enjoy eating collard greens.
Black women, try it you just might like it. (they may have to be a foreigner, but you never know, the American Asian men may work out as well. Society and a lot of our brothers have made black women look bad. It is truly unfortunate. But there is hope for good healthy relationships outside our race. Try it.
p.s. I have dated a couple of Indian (Asian) guys that did not work out. I stopped dating them because one smoked too much and religiously we were not compatible. Otherwise he was a nice guy. My Indian female friend stated that Indian guys can be very abusive mentally and physically. That could apply to some I’m sure but probably not all.
Comment by hello on 23 September 2009:
I just want to put this out there:
It used to be fun meeting women up until they thought it was fun to ridicule me for being an asian guy.
Comment by smiletellsit on 26 September 2009:
Have to agree with post by Salsera77 on 12 January 2008 about dating. I live on West Coast and the Asian women here are vicious when it comes to black women. An acquaintance is dating an Asian women. He’s black. She latched on to him and now she won’t leave. He can’t get rid of her. She’s got a thing for black guys, has a mixed black daughter and HATES black people. Love/hates her own daughter. She’s a mess. It’s a bad scene.
I’ve met Asian guys with an interest and was pursued at a time when I didn’t know the extent of their hatred for black people; thinking we’re inferior, that we’re oddities. Seem to buy into their own sense of superiority. Forgetting that people come in all types within each race/culture. Period.
There’s an article recently added about how Korean men are being paid now to marry interracial. Think Asian culture is finally understanding that not mixing isn’t doing any good.
Comment by Laconic on 26 September 2009:
Don’t worry PakoBoy. There are not a large contingent of Black women who want or begging Asian men to date them. Asian culture is notoriously racist anyway. Lou Jing is black and asian and even though her mother committed adultery, that girl has received a lot of abuse because she was half Blackhttp://www.asianoffbeat.com/default.asp?Display=2072
Thus with a people who are often monoracial and closed to races (except Whites of course) who are not like them, I for one don’t see a lot of Blacks running to Asians. Naturally Whites and Asians will continue to increase but they both have racial superiority mindset in common, in which they think they are better than everyone else.
Comment by SexyFoxyRoxy on 27 September 2009:
“Is it really true? You know the myth… I dont mean to be vulgar but that is the only thing that worries me, and both ways not just my pleasure but his as well.”
Help!
Dear Kitten,
To my knowledge it is not true but I’ve only been with one Asian man who is Filipino and Italian and even though he was only 5′7″…he was huge! Don’t mean to sound overt but you asked (lol)! I hope this helps!
SFR
Comment by My opinion on 30 September 2009:
I’m an African American Women alot of us are use to the masculinity of black men they are very passionate and affectionate. They are proud of their masculinity and like talking about sex and how they can make it happen. Black women are strong but black men are stronger. A Black Man will put a woman in her place when she’s out of line. Because of our history I think black women prefer black men because of their strenght. We can from nothing to something and share a common ground is why we refer to each other as brothers and sistere.
Comment by berrykiss91 on 2 October 2009:
I’m an African American Female, and I must say That I think that Asians are really attractive, always have and always will. Yeah in American some keep to their clichés and will probably look down at you if you try to join. But that’s the same if you try to go into any race clichés. I’ve dated countless Asians and loved every second of it, Im even thinking of going to Japan next summer, am treat bw as they are jewelry and sometimes are amazed at our color, I think that we as bw should give them a shot, and not brush them off because they need love to.
Comment by brina on 3 October 2009:
im black or carribean and my boyfriend is cambodian
Comment by leaveitobeavr on 3 October 2009:
Alright this could be interesting.Think of our world today.The media,computers,books,and where you live.These are the big reason why people have their negative opinions.The sterotyping of all nationalities will never play out.I’m the kind of guy who can find beauty in any woman.”MMMMM oh yeah baby.”If you want to be loved from someone other than your race.You will definetely have to pay a price.Ladies you can have what you like.The thing is are you strong enough to handle the drama. Asian men like blk women for real but you don’t hardly see it and when you do see it,its like rare.Why is it rare?One word.”Traditions”.All nationalites are face with the same issue and this is mostly common with the asians. Traditions are not to be broken yet i find myself breaking them.
Comment by aznfan on 4 October 2009:
The last guy I dated was American born Vietnamese. We met at an art gallery and we hit it off from there. It was funny because I thought he was cute, but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. While the whole time he was trying to figure out how to get my number. He was funny, smart, hella sexy in every way. I never felt uncomfortable when going out, granted it was the first time dating a different race(for him it was Black and for me Asian) Plus, there was an age difference. He thought I was 22 to his 26, but I’m 35 to his 26 and he didn’t care. He still thought I was hot and we both looked the same age. Trust me I don’t set out to date younger men. I just have freaky genetics…all the women in my family don’t look their age. I will be carded for the rest of my life and will never be respected by some older people in and out of the work place.
But I digress, he totally changed the way I look at Asian men. Even though I have relocated to another state, we have remained friends. I can’t wait to date another Asian man again. I’ve also found that learning about the culture in general helps in some situations and just being honest and asking questions help too.
Guys don’t be shy, ask us out. We think you’re hot!!
PS. If anyone seen Flashforward, there is an AM/BW relationship between John Cho and Gabrielle Union. She plays his fiancee.
Comment by david on 22 October 2009:
I am Vietnamese and I have dated outside my race my whole life. My parents are immigrants so the culture thing took alot of adjusting for them to do but they have adjusted quite well. Starting from when I was in 6th grade til now in college, I have dated majority black or hispanic girls. The very first few gfs I brought home, my parents were not happy. They used to tell me stuff like they would be ashamed to see me outside with that person of a different race and dumb stuff like that. Flash foward now they finally realize that interracial dating is normal. I think the biggest barrier in any interracial relationship is going to be culture. Whether its adjusting, assimilating, or experiencing another culture, it takes an open heart and mind. Long story but I just wanted to say I love black women, you are all beautiful and I think the pairing of us is a match made in heaven.
Comment by hallyustar on 28 October 2009:
i think you meant to say that asian women arent dating asian men and that black men arent dating black women.
AW are in high demand as spouses, as are BM.