I’m always blogging about how White guys are getting the hot Asian women… but lets not forget Black guys dating White women.
Black woman-Asian man couples are like considered rare in the US… sometimes even ridiculed as poor matches by whites, blacks and Asians alike. Is this combo freakish as some people who have never seen such a couple put it?
One thing that made me sit and think for a moment is… “Are there fewer white men that are willing to date black women… and even fewer white women willing to date Asian men?” It’s like Black women and Asian men are being left on the sideline when it comes to the interracial dating game. So why is this? Following what most people say, would I be right to conclude that most Black women and Asian men probably aren’t interested in dating outside of their own race?
I believe when people finally get over their rigidity and put a human face to black woman-Asian man relationships eventually they will respect this combo as much as most Americans accept and even laud some other types of interracial unions.
Well I think this would be one viable option to consider in interracial dating… Black women and Asian men should start dating each other more. What do you make of it?
Tags: interracial dating site, black women black men, black dating site
Popularity: 38% [?]
Comment by Cocokisses on 9 September 2007:
I guess it is rare, but like everything else, it comes down to preference. I would still keep my options open when it comes to race.
Comment by deeann on 9 September 2007:
The AM/BW combo is evolving, especially in the military and California. If you are an Asian man you should be brave and ask that blk. female that you have been admiring from a far out to a movie. LOL, I wonder what the wm who admire bw will think of the competition… hey, that was a joke there are more than enough single bw.
Comment by Jade74 on 9 September 2007:
Very good thoughts deeann..Well said.Men step it up.
Comment by Diva on 9 September 2007:
Hmm…we were just talking about this in the chat room. I think there are less Asian men dating Black women because a lot of Asian cultures don’t accept that. In fact there is still a lot of arranged marriages going on in Asian cultures. My brother recently married an Asian woman whose parents had wanted to arrange a marriage for her.
Comment by vt33 on 10 September 2007:
Asian Men and Black women! Lets look at this for a second. Agreed that the liason is quite rare in America, but in other countries it is not rare.
Take for instance the carribbean it is a known fact in the carribbean that asians exists, they were brought over, on the slave ships with east indians. Both were indentured slaves, so they did fare better than the africans onboard.
I have several relatives that are offspring of Asian male and african females. It is common in some settings just not in America. Look at IKEA for instance they had a commercial out with a Asian husband and African Woman with a child of both cultures. I give KUDOS to IKEA for displaying the diversity in the world as well as their customers.
True America is hard up on the whole other color dating, marrying scene. I think the more it is talked about and viewed the less it is a no no!
Plus, I can’t speak for every woman blogging, but I have yet to find a chinese dude that is in my world that gets my mojo going. I have seen some offspring of chinese and black, get my mojo on and poppin. Perhaps the exotic look of the offspring and the allure of it makes it sensual.
I think the allure of Asian men is a little hard to find. They are usually thin and not very tall. I mean how many tall basketball playing chinese dudes you see roaming around in your neighboorhood. I don’t think the pairing is odd, I would like to see more of it in the states, but I think the allure factor plays a large roll in why black women don’t see them as mates.
I cannot speak for the military, because it seems the military men, tend to date outside of their race, because of the close bond they form with their colleagues and they get a chance to sample each persons background. I mean lets face it in bootcamp you are nothing more than a maggot. When you hit the sheets you are a tired maggot. After the abuse, you get a chance to sit down and talk to another soldier, understand who they are, learn their lifestyle. Hence, you make a buddy, then a good friend, then a great lover.
In a perfect world we would all find our potential mate in the same retrospect as stated above. Not for nothing, if asians dudes are interested in black women, they should step up really. Like the saying goes, can’t trust a big butt and a smile, its like poison. A lot of women found Bruce Lee to be hot. I actually think Chow Young Fat is a hottie. Yet that’s me. Till the next episode! I’m out!
Comment by Starthai on 10 September 2007:
Hi, I would like to say maybe there are just more black women who are not attracted to Asian men vise versa. I know I’m definitely not attracted are interested in Asian men I think the only Asian man I thought was ever hot is Jet Li, but as a whole I’m not too attracted to the Asian culture I just don’t think there good looking (only a very small %) to me. Sorry if I offended any one to each his own.
Comment by Starthai on 10 September 2007:
Lol@VT i like your comment. I do agree the offspring in some cases are very exotic. I want to ask why do people think Asians are exotic, is it because of there eyes? If they didn’t have the slanted eyes then what? I see you made a similiar point as I did about the no attraction. My supervisor is Phillipino and he is short and one of the weakess men I have meet in my whole entire life, totally unattractive and a NO NO to a black female, yet he slicks his hair back and thinks he is hot, very disgusting. He is very lucky to be married to someone, which by the way is within his culture he tells me things like he is not allowed to wear collogne his wife won’t allow it due to other women may like him. She has him on strings lol and he thinks that this is a true definiton of a strong woman lol… Extremely weak and unattractive characteristics in a man. I don’t think I’m missing out on anything with Asian men, besides in certain cultures once you have one you’ve had them all lol…
Comment by Starthai on 10 September 2007:
Ria and everyone else check this video out this is very pleasing to black woman as a whole.
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2vMqVQgGWM
Comment by chaacha402 on 10 September 2007:
I think Asian men who are 2nd and 3rd generations…who are have become more bicultural…”Americanized”…have the attitude to go after any in which woman they are interested…hey I think white men still have a hesitation when approaching a black woman…
I know, I have dated white men and there is still an uncertainty if the interaction is a of niceness or romantic interest..also we all sometimes question on some level if family, friends will object … I say to all, you don’t know what color the love of your life will be…just do it!
no or not interested…won’t kill you!
Comment by angellx on 10 September 2007:
Each 2 their own taste…as a black woman i have recently dated two asian guys an believe me they ain’t no different to white/black guys out there ones a complete gentleman an the others a wanna get into your panties kinda guy….funny thing is i met them both on a dating site…..the only issue i have is that they both cannot dance to save their lives….
Comment by Jade74 on 10 September 2007:
Give the an A for trying to dance Angellx
Comment by angellx on 10 September 2007:
lol..Tru Jade74 :-)x
Comment by Cocokisses on 10 September 2007:
LOL@ Angellx…
Comment by fala on 10 September 2007:
I dated a guy from Japan once. He was totally hot. Not at all like the stereotype - he was tall and fit and he knew how to treat a lady. I’ve found most Asians in the U.S. are pretty closed to associating with people outside their race - even just as friends and stuff. They seem to stick together and not let anyone else in. I’ve tried but always been rejected or looked at with suspicion.
Just my experience.
Comment by Sammy on 11 September 2007:
I have only seen one asian guy with a black lady here in my city so far although i’v seen several asian women with black men.
I still just believe go with your heart,even though I like a dark complexion, hair an eyes I”v dated most races at one time or another from-Viet-phily-chinese,to black and mexican.
I have found by talking to alot of people -men and women that many are still scared to date outside thier race or at least color–fear of the unknown i’d say.
Many think others are attractive ,but scared to make that first move.
And fala i believe that goes for most races -staying pretty much to thier own kind.Only a few of us-such as in here look past the race color thing to go for what we want in the person rather than just the race.
Comment by Cindie on 11 September 2007:
Jet Li and Jackie Chan are pretty hot! But they are also more “worldly” than most Asian men……..
Comment by fala on 11 September 2007:
Jet Li yeah he’s hot! and Chow Yun Fat and Ken Watanabe from the Last Samurai, and Tony Leung from Hero, and check out Takeshi Kaneshiro - he’s a double threat half Japanese/half Chinese.
Comment by Kat on 12 September 2007:
I completly agree with the article. Black women and Asian man are placed on the sidelines. As an Afro-Carib living upstate ny,I think I see interracial couples with black men and non-black women more than black couples. As diverse as society may be, non-black men are not as willing to date a Black women as people may think. I’m not a bad looking gal and I’ve seen some very attractive white men but I’m afraid to approach any of them because I’m black. The steoro-type of black women is still strong and black beauty is still questionable. Halle Berry,Vanessa Wiliams and Beyonce are beautiful but they are also mixed race and may not represent the black women population. Among my several psy and african classes in college, apparently women are more likely to date outside their race. But other sources states that black women are less likely to date outside their race because of race pride. With the limited black men in this world, heck I will date anyone that doesn’t look like barney or the teenager mutant turtles.
As far as Asian men, I’ve seen some hot Asian men on t.v. Even that guy from the IkEA commericial is cute. But Asian men always been associate with being intelligent not necessarial sexy.
Comment by TriChique on 13 September 2007:
I must agree with a previous post - Asian men are always portrayed (in America) as either very intelligent or of course some martial arts superhero who walks away with just a feeling of pride that he saved the day. (almost as if they are asexual beings)
And then what is always thrown at us for being sexy, some white or black man whisking the woman (you pick a race) off her feet, or as they are descending from the top of a building stop a moment for a passionate kiss. Hell even the villainesses get those types of kisses, except if they are Black women.
I liked guys who are down to earth and aren’t busy trying to categorize me. I find once we get past the book cover and into the book, we Black Women and Asian Men have a lot to share. Some things in common other things not, but there’s room for wonderful relationships to happen.
I too love the IKEA commercial as a matter of fact I rewound the DVR to watch it again the first time I saw it.
My concern is that with everything else, they are going to beautify everyone. The Asian man with the ‘prettiest” of features with the black woman with the “prettiest” of features. Of course that is according to the media and beauty industry anyway.
I hope to see more and more Asian Man/Black Woman couples in the future. I mean like in my neighborhood. Heck, may be me and …he.
Comment by Starthai on 13 September 2007:
TriChique, all I have to say is more power to you, just don’t include me in that dream.
Comment by princessamm1 on 14 September 2007:
I’m a Black woman and until recently had never entertained the thought of dating an Asian man…until I met one. I had never taken advantage of the opportunity to get to know any Asian people growing up, attending school or at work, but I wish I had. I recently met an Asian gentleman who is smart, sexy, confident, and easy to talk to (did I mention sexy?). I find myself checking out Asian men everywhere I go…it’s as if that fine man I met opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. I feel having an open mind when it comes to dating/marriage will greatly increase your chances of finding that special someone.
Comment by TriChique on 15 September 2007:
Starthai,
I hear you, but definitely keep your options open.
princessamm1 - good for you. I have always ’secretly’ been attracted, but in the effort of trying to fit in dated BM. Most of whom cannot relate. Not saying it’s all just the guys I met. I finally have to be true to who I am, shame on me for waiting so long.
Comment by Starthai on 15 September 2007:
I agree Kat some of these elite “Black Female” stars may and or do not represent the black women population.
Comment by sosokhokho on 21 September 2007:
hi
Comment by sosokhokho on 21 September 2007:
any body home ?
Comment by wind on 22 September 2007:
black women like it big if you know what i mean, and asian men are small in nature. that is what it all come down to dude
Comment by howyaluvdat on 23 September 2007:
It’s more prevelant than you might think. Check out this slide show. The fist 30 seconds or so are show different movies a sign that times are changing, but I think you ‘ll be pleasantly surpised.
Comment by howyaluvdat on 23 September 2007:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar08SDeKDio
My link got cut off of the last post. Sorry!
Comment by paul on 23 September 2007:
black woman like it big ? where did that come from every woman are built different down there my freind just like men are some like it big some like it alittle down sized my ex was a well built female 5 ft 10 and black 170 pounds but down in the private parts she was small and tight so thats bull my freind . ask most woman will tell you to big painfull inbetween small and big just right
Comment by Starthai on 23 September 2007:
Lol@wind, I also agree with you Paul, but too little is not good I think that was Wind’s point lol….
Comment by TrueHarmony on 23 September 2007:
Fala, I must admit that Takeshi Kaneshiro truly is a hottie! I have a girlfriend who is African American and her husband is Chinese. They make an awesome couple and have the most beautiful children. But they seem to get along just fine. they have a wonderful relationship.
Comment by manzoor on 24 September 2007:
princessmm1 i agree with you. i am asin man ,,try to understand me,
Comment by Diyal on 27 September 2007:
Hello
Ok so I was wondering about Asian men and African american women… like when i was in high school my first boyfriend was from Cambodia but I never thought about it being a big thing…. that was YEARS ago…. Present time… This Asai guy and I have befriended one another…and it just crosed my mind… I don’t see alot of AM and BW- Ok I don’t see it all… Romeo Must Die was the closest….
But honestly it seem like it’s one of those things- thats just not common. Like I know if he and I went out together HEADS WILL TURN.
Because It’s not common… I don’t think it phase him one bit though…
very wierd….
Comment by SouthLane on 17 October 2007:
most asian women that date black men get looked down on because most black men don’t know the word responsibility. Oprah said 75% of black kids are fatherless… Most are jobless and uneducated. Asians value education and good professions, family
Comment by deeann on 18 October 2007:
To Southland…I was just wondering what does your opinion on 10/17th has to do with Asian men and Blk. females? Personally, I am doing my part as far as being responsible.
Peace
Comment by Starthai on 18 October 2007:
Southlane thanks for your opinion, but I disagree with the value education and etc. I wish you could have came across the ones I met, totally ignorant, For instance when I was a Dental Assistant I worked in an all Asian environment which was cool, because I didn’t know the culture but I soon realized (especially the women) they looked down on Blk females in particular, there was on incident to where a White female was trying to apply for a position and soon after the Dentist mentioned to another Phillipino female that she will not higher a white female, because they want too much money. Now you read between those lines, (and there was many more ignorances like that, but I don’t want to write a book) they think of blk females as low down and dirty and the reason why I say blk females is because they adored and had no problems with any blk males that came in the office (only the blk females). I stand by my opinion I wouldn’t date an Asian man to save my life and sorry if I offend the small few that are not Undercover racists. Totally not interested in the culture.
Comment by Leeann on 20 October 2007:
I was brought up in a Black,Asian parent home setting, and I came out just fine. I am sure my parents, parents (My grandparents) had problems with the coupling but they (My parents) stuck it out and had me “smiles”.
I have a mixture of African American and Asian Features with dark skin, and I am always being told how pretty I am. My Mother is Black and Father Asian. I have 2 other sibblings that were just like me. I am 25 years old and I have my own company. I graduated college. I was raised with other multi-cultured famlies like mine, and their children were my friends that I played with and hung out with. So to me it was normal!! Even when some bigot said different.
I feel the reason you may not see couples like my parents is because I know my family was OVER protective. We did go out and traveled, but they wanted to avoid the chaos of society. We are here just hidden and protecting ourselves from crazy people LOL…SO if you want to date then DATE! Why make it harder then it is? When it just comes down in the end to you and that person. So hope this has helped or gives you some insight to my life and how it was for me being a child from thise beautiful love “UNION”:)
Also one last note. My parents will have been married this coming November for 29 years! Peace~
Comment by Starthai on 20 October 2007:
I like your post Leeann, very inspiring. I bet you are very beautiful, even though I have no taste for Asian men I think the offsprings of Black and Asian comes out very beautiful. Thanks for the post
Comment by Queendom70114 on 26 October 2007:
I am happily involved with a guy who is half white and asian. We live in the SOUTH in Metairie (which is a mostly white, formerly Harry Lee run city in Jefferson Parish). While at first I was not so shocked by the looks we got, because I had dated outside of my race before, I noticed that black men were fist to make comments like “awww damnnn… she with him?”). However, we have been together three years now. He is one of the most sensitive people I have met and although we have gotten through the most awkward issues, we accept the differences and learn things from eachother. Granted I am a young 36 and he is a very YOUNG 45, and we are both professionals (Legal and Medical), we still behave like decadent kids together. However, we are planning our lives together and cannot wait to have a children when he finishes his Masters Program. I have to be honest and say that I became frustrated with some of the educated black and white guys I dated in my past. I personally observed that most black and white professional men have 1980s mindesets (i.e., party party party all the time). Quite honestly, as a I became tired of the game and I dropped to my knees and prayed for someone who would just love me and our lives together, and who would protect me our family, and be faithful friend and be a partner (and I specfied that I did not care WHAT race he was). And the rest speaks for itself. I think my Amer-asian guy and I are quite happy. Oh, my family loves him and his family thinks I take good care of him.
Comment by Alaru on 31 October 2007:
I think the Asian culture is such that marrying within the culture is highly promoted. When I worked in South Korea I did see alot of BM/AW couples in Seoul but that was probably due to the exposure over a long period to Black people due to the military base there.
Comment by DeeAnn on 31 October 2007:
To Queendom70114:
I agree with you in the south a bf with any other race of man is a surprise to most people and this is one reason why it is not that easy for most bf to go beyond what we may consider the normal dating situation. However, all females and especially bf need love, a higher level of education, companionship, patience, financial security, the need to feel safe and secure, and God in her life.
I wish you and yours well and I hope his family treasures you exactly the same way your family treasures him.
Ann - Go Saints
Comment by DeeAnn on 31 October 2007:
This post need more ASIAN MEN to SPEAK UP! We know where the females stand on am/bf relatioships.
Ann - Go Saints
Comment by ChibiMethos on 1 November 2007:
I am a black female, and to be honest, if I had my druthers, I’d only date Asian men. But I agree with Starthai, many asians have a vey low opinion of blacks, and the ones that are willing to try to see beyond their family’s disaproval are treated badly themselves, not to metion the disaproval the woman will have to endure from her family.
Also, while the offspring from such unions are often very attractive, many Americanized Asian parents would rather have their child marry someone white, so that their children will be lighter.
I believe the other issue is approachability. I have one friend who is Chinese, and he is adorable, but he only wants to date white girls. So, we’ll just be buddies and that’s it.
Once you sit down and consider all these things, it’s just easier to either go it alone,or begin the slow, desperate search for an educated, black male with a good job and no kids who isn’t related to you.
Comment by Leeann on 15 November 2007:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIbxxH3ZcCg AM-BW: Friends, Couples ‘n Fam.
Comment by Zee Harrison on 6 December 2007:
I grew up in a multi-culture environment and after years of being an ‘isolationist’ now view mixed relationships as a necessity. Anyway the supposed demarcations between races is superficial we are all one race, even if that sounds cliched. We are all a part of the human family - homo sapiens and the minute differences are not apparent genetically. Our focus should be to accept ourselves as we are, regardless of height, weight, race, big ears, small ears, etc. and then accept each other.
It’s not that difficult, you would think, but the fact that the same old same old are being churned out year after year means we still have a long way to go.
If you are in a ‘mixed’ relationship - good for you, if you are not, good for you too. It should not make a jot of a difference.
The internet is a fabulous way of linking people across the globe and I am glad to have this opportunity to share my thoughts with you all.
Zee Harrison
Comment by moxy12 on 16 December 2007:
ChibiMethos…do not marry someone just because you wish to be married. Hang in there and keep your options opens.
Comment by Another on 19 December 2007:
Hi there, I’m an Asian guy.
I grew up in a military area where white/korean and black/korean families were commonplace, with many of them being my friends. However, those families always consisted of a white or black man and an asian woman. I have never seen an AM/BW relationship before, but I am completely open to it, as I’ve learned to accept everyone regardless of race. I have had a crush on a black girl before, and I was drawn to her because of her great personality.
I currently have another female friend who is half black and half Korean, and she always gets complements of how pretty she is.
Comment by Blasian Couple here on 23 December 2007:
I am married to a Chinese man and have never had anyone say anything rude to us. I have unfortunately gotten slightly dirty looks from Black men and women, and well it’s a damn shame. If Black women keep their options limited the majority will remain husbandless. I am happier than I ever thought possible and it’s because I allowed myself to fall in love with the person (although very handsome) and not the fact that he is an Asian man. I can’t imagine anyone making me happier than he does!
I think that it’s important for Black women to expand their options instead of pining away for some White or Black prince in shining armor never to come! I’ve always dated outside of my race and it totally surprised me that I would have so much in common with an Asian man and that we would be soul mate types… blew my mind and I’m glad!
Comment by nisey on 27 December 2007:
I am currently dating a chinese guy , and he is wonderful! I am supposed to go to China next year to meet his parents. I am a little nervous about meeting them. But he has already told them about me and they had saw photos of me. They can’t wait to meet me . for all people in this world , please stop looking at color and race. Look at the humanity. I was once narrowed this way and then became opened minded ,and found a true treasure in my life. My family loves him as well.
Comment by asianguy on 2 January 2008:
I am from Canada. The best looking girl I have seen in my 15 years in this country was black girl. She was mixed with white but her skin was dark/black. She was very cute though. But she was surrounded by three white canadian boys. I thought that was bs considering how they would normally think about black and asian people.
Comment by Island on 7 January 2008:
Hello!
but… we have a lot of problem with the african men here! Theynot able to understand why a black female want to date an asain guy!When we are in the city or goning out, we get a lot of dirty look from the African people en whites here just don’t understand it…They eyes always pops out! 
There so stupid! I’ve always had someting for asian men, i just think there so handsome! The first boy I was in love with, was alsof an Filipino. When I was 14 (23 now) I knew the father of my children would be an asain men, i never date any whites en one time a black men ( never again, the boy was crazy)
I’m from Belgium, but born in the caraibean. My boyfriend is filipino, we have two daughters! The oldest is 16 month, the youngest 5 month:) I don’t have any problem with his family, they love me
When i was in highschool my classemates said i was crazy, because they don’t believe asain men are handsome. The first thing they asked me was: Does he has a big one…and all of my classemates whore whites..
Hope you can read what i’m trying to say!
Love a person, not the color..Tu revais d’une amour, tout en soie et velour…
Dag, groetjes!
Comment by OsaP on 11 January 2008:
Personally, as a black female, I love Asian men. I’m actually not very attracted to men of my own race and never have been. Sometimes I wish I lived in Europe or the Caribbean or where ever these types of couples are better accepted so I could be hit on by someone that I’m actually attracted to.
Comment by Salsera77 on 11 January 2008:
I know OsaP. I hear ya.
I need to move from where I live.
as I’ve very attracted to Caucasian men
but there seems to be a racial divide or
either they are afraid.
Anyway, I dated an Asian man for 5 years.
It was lovely in the beginning but stuff
with his family, and prejudice eventually
severed the relationship. Even he had
ingrained prejudices that eventually came
to the forefront.
Anyway, he was tall 5′10″,not too skinny
and LIKED to eat SUSHI…
…something any man needs to learn to like
to eat
as 2/3’s of all women are wired this way!!!!
…That is if he cares about his woman’s pleasure too.
Comment by nick_86 on 11 January 2008:
I adore men that come in all shapes, sizes and colors. I thnk people THINK to much tese days. If we just started feeling more than moe doors would open for us. Men are men they all love, care, behave, or not. They are looking for that somethng special from someone special. I think asian menshould actively pursue women of color we are grounded, caring, giving, sucessful and and want what everyone else wants…… to be loved, respected, cherished, cared for and most of all to b part of a team that see’s only each other and the beauty that is created.
Comment by Lenaiah on 11 January 2008:
As a BW, I have ALWAYS found lots of Asian men to be very attractive. Maybe it’s the fact that I am of Caribbean heritage…maybe it’s that I am short so men of shorter stature are not discriminated against by me… maybe I’m attracted to that inner peace and quiet strength that most Asian men seem to project… maybe all of the above and more.
BUT, even with this attraction, I have NEVER been approached by an Asian man. Or the instances one has caught my eye, he is usually in a group of other Asians and definitely not giving me a vibe that he is interested in me.
In some ways, such as making the first move, I am “old-fashioned”… I like for the guy to approach me first. In my experience, that dynamic turns out to produce the more sincere (albeit, fewer) interests. But if a guy is shy (like alot of Asian men seem to be), then that first step never happens.
All I can say to the Asian guys who may be reading: (1) Don’t let cultural stereotypes restrict you from dating us, or even getting to know us. (2) Be braver; all of us won’t reject your advances… I know I wouldn’t.
Comment by 2ute4u on 12 January 2008:
I’ve dated Two Asian men while I was a young girl:East and South Asian, neither of their parents approved. These cultures are very rigid, bordering on xenophobia. They most likely aren’t strong enough to stand up to their families and live their truth, if they should fall in love w/ someone outside their own ethnicity. I still see this to a great degree, and yet it moving slowly, case in point my nephew is engaged to a Philipino young woman. Shoot, he’s always dated Asian women, but the parents would stereotype black folk. This is my reason for not wanting to fight anyone to be accepted, I love my black self and not wanting to have to adjust this part of me.
Comment by Salsera77 on 12 January 2008:
Addendum to my comment above:
To Black Women thinking about dating an Asian Man.
This is from my experience but of course you can do what you want.
I dated an asian man for 5 years. Yes, it was serious and there was a proposal of marriage. However, I would not date an asian guy again and wouldn’t recommend it to black women. Black women need to be adored, loved and seen for the intelligent capable women we really are not for the stereotypes and prejudices stuck in someone’s head that eventually come out. We also don’t need someone’s else’s family being unkind to us for no reason especially when we show ourself to be decent and kind people to someone’s son. That’s not the kind of family you want to marry into. You want to be loved and accepted for you. When your family treats anyone you decide to marry kindly and you don’t receive that in return from his family that’s a big red flag. Do you really need this? There were other things that severed the relationship too.
He said he was a Christian but for him culturally, things like “leaving and cleaving” in a marriage were not going to work. Of course if you are not being serious with an asian guy, then date away if you want.
I, myself still wouldn’t even just date an asian guy
because now I know what their families tell them.
I also know how much the females in their families dislike black women and do you need this in
your life? Are looking for romance/dating or are you looking for a fight?
I did seek advice from an Amerasian woman who filled me in on Asian culture (I’ll leave out specifically which Asian culture). Everything I had observed was true. I have to leave out a lot for the interest of space. All in all, it was lovely in the beginning (just dating) but then I didn’t know his mom was trying to poison him because he was dating me.
My well wishes to those trying this,
You’re gonna need ‘em.
Comment by mossimo on 12 January 2008:
I was married to a South Asian woman and her parents lived with us for a while. I know firsthand the prejudice I saw against Black people in general, and how xenophobic the culture is. She was disowned by her family for a time for daring to go against the culture and marry a white man. Of course, in the end it did not matter as we did not get along and it ended in divorce sadly enough.
Best of luck to anyone heading down this path.
Comment by HealthyAndFit on 12 January 2008:
How many times do you really see Asian men with Blk women? Come on! Why even bring this subject up? Their cultural is differnt, And taught to stay in their race. Why is is that black people are always being put down in a sarcastic way? I don’t think black women are being sidelined at all, Because we want white men NOT Asian men. I see several black women with white men, And if white men like Asian women, Who cares? I DON’T!
Best Of luck to everyone.
Comment by HealthyAndFit on 12 January 2008:
How many times do you really see Asian men with Blk women? Come on!
Why even bring this subject up?
Their cultural is differnt, And taught to stay in their race.
Why is it that black people are always being put down in a sarcastic way?
I don’t think black women are being sidelined at all, Because we want white men NOT Asian men.
I see several black women with white men, And if white men like Asian women, Who cares? I DON’T!
Comment by tigerlilies on 12 January 2008:
I have a few friends that are half asian half black. Some of their moms were black and the dad was asian. It’s rare, but it does happen.
Comment by Simon123 on 30 January 2008:
i am 17 yr junior (im a girl) in hs….. and i feel like i am not really counted as good looking or beauitful where i live (ME) im the only person of color in my class of 2009.. im a cheerleader pretty outgoing nice and i think pretty personable… guys here just dont see me as attractive or even good lookin i dont think im bad but they must think i look like shit!… im always seen as the FRIEND and not as the girlfriend… what is the matter with me!!
pce
Comment by Azn_Guy on 30 January 2008:
Hey, i’m an asian guy
Just read everything and i agree am/bf couples are a rarity, only seen them through pics on the net.
I find black women to be very attractive, there are, however, a few reasons why i haven’t dated.
1) I know that we’ll be getting a lot of bs, but i probably ignore it
2) Im kind of a couch potato, and no woman wants that, so i need to better myself.
But once i do, it wont matter to my family, since a large portion of the family i know is black anyway.
Oh, and Simon123, aint nothing wrong with you…something wrong with them.
Comment by Queen of Hearts on 5 February 2008:
I do think that it isn’t recognized as much as the other interracial relationships out there, but it really does need to be. I have personally always like people for people and race didn’t really matter to me but for some reason Asian or Pacific islander guys just popped out to me as pure hotness and just made me melt, still do and always will. Even though I am engaged to a black male after having three previous relationships with Asian males I still am happy with my experience. I have always had plenty of crushes of course but never pursued them just how it was. It is rare because it isn’t produced out in the public as fully okay. Black and White relationships are pumped into the media like everyday but it is rare for others I think that if there were other relationships put out there it would be a lot more common. Black Females and Asian Men are the Top two people that are will remain unmarried in the United states ya know(I got that from the Vh1’s ‘In the race we lust’).
Comment by Lady love on 11 February 2008:
Hi I’m a black female.
I’m 18 years old and i’m really attracted to asian males. I think that they are very handsome. I have had some experience with asian guys, and i wouldn’t trade it for the world. I hope that one day I can find and marry one. Wish me luck!
Comment by jay on 20 February 2008:
This is an interesting subject. I am an asian man and I’ll be the first to admit that some asian men are very small. One of my Korean female friends said she was done with Korean guys because all the Korean guys she’d been with were no bigger than a bic lighter. That said, as nutritional intake changes, it seems that there are bigger asian men these days in every sense. The other factor is that many asian men come from traditional families where the sons carry on the family name. In Korea, many families have a detailed genetic history mapped out in books of lineage. They are strongly encouraged by familial pressure to marry within the race. The same pressure is not always applied to females, as they are not expected to carry on a lineage in the same manner. That is why you will not see many Korean males with women of different ethnicities or even nationalities unless their nuclear family is very liberal relative to the Korean norm. As there are more 2nd and 3rd generation Koreans in America, you are likely to see this shift, but this is the state of the matter in current times.
Comment by angelicbunny on 20 February 2008:
I`m a bw and I`ve dated bm,wm, and a hispanic ive always loved asian things and people and their food.
Comment by NJ_choclateGuRl~ on 27 February 2008:
I am a black woman and I had met my boyfriend who is chinese. I love him dearly and to be honest this is the first asian man I have been with. Not to say that I wasn’t attracted to them before its just that I never seen them really approach black woman from where I am from, but they have always seemed to be attracted to me. I have no preference I have been with black, white, spanish, and now asian. I think this is the end of the line for me because we want to get married and we have so much in common with one another. I never knew that we would when I first met him but he is smart, tall, and so attractive with his jet black hair that is long and sexi!!!!!!!! Lol!! But honestly I believe people should open their minds to many different people becuase you never know when you’ll meet Mr. Or Mrs. Right!!!!!
Comment by NJ_choclateGuRl~ on 27 February 2008:
I am a black woman and I had met my boyfriend who is chinese. O and I am a dark skinned woman. I say that because it seems that a man from a different race would rather pick a light skinned black woman over a dark skinned one from what people have told me and that is not true. I am beautiful and I attract many men from different races, just for the sterotype to be crushed people would believe a man who is white, spanish, asian etc would prefer light skinned over dark skinned and that is not true obviously because it depends on the man and what he likes not by the complexion or race. But anyways that’s another topic lol, I love him dearly and to be honest this is the first asian man I have been with. Not to say that I wasn’t attracted to them before its just that I never seen them really approach black woman from where I am from, but they have always seemed to be attracted to me but have never physically came up to me and wanted to be my boyfriend but they have told me how pretty I was and that’s how far its gotten. But back to the subject lol I have no preference I have been with black, white, spanish, and now asian. I think this is the end of the line for me because my boyfriends and I want to get married and we have so much in common with one another. I never knew that we would when I first met him but he is smart, tall, and so attractive with his long jet black hair that is sexi!!!!!!!! Lol!! But honestly I believe people should open their minds to many different people because you never know when you’ll meet Mr. Or Mrs. Right!!!!! So I say expand your mind and open your heart, color doesn’t matter becuase if it did wouldn’t you have the choice to pick what color you wanted 2 become when you were born? So I say whatever you feel is right do it and believe in it!!!
~peace~
Comment by UrBestKeptSecret on 1 March 2008:
First of all, let me clear up the rumors that Beyonce and Vanessa are mixed. I have seen both of their parents and they both have two black parents. And trust me, Beyonce looked a lot more black before she got a nose job and they started retouching her pictures to make her look even lighter. The media is pretty messed up that way. And it’s true that this AM/BF pairing is rare here and in Asia, but in some parts of Europe (especially England) and some parts of the Caribbean it is much more common. North America and Asia are just way behind on the pickup. Also, some Asian groups are more accepting than others. Typically Cambodians and Fillipinos are more accepting than Chinese and Koreans (in America and Asia that is). Oh, btw, I have never actually dated an Asian man, but I’ve had crushes on them, and have been asked out by them before (Fillipino, Korean, Chinese, etc). So it’s not totally impossible
Comment by mocha on 12 March 2008:
I am of mixed race my daughters father is phillipino when we were together it even took some getting used to for me to us out together we got some looks but nothing negative
Comment by Erikajon on 21 March 2008:
There are so many different faceted answers to this question. I, myself, have also pondered this issue, being that the work I do allows me to encounter many people from various Asian cultures. One of the reasons these two have not co-mingled can be addressed as follows: The Asian man is a fierce competitor when in business and steadfast and loyal to his cultural ethics. Most are well-educated and powerhouse money-makers and continue to see the woman as subserviant and submissive. With these unrelenting attitudes towards women, to find an Asian man who would attempt to couple with an African American or Afrikana woman would mean he would have to relinquish his ideal or beliefs of a woman’s “place” in the home, which he is reluctant and unwilling to do. Bottom line: As fierce as the Asian man is in the desire to make the almighty dollar, the Black woman possesses the same fierceness in inner-strength and independence. She will not succumb to being subserviant or submissive to any man of any race. The strong black woman is therefore intimidating, if not unapproachable, to the Asian man.
Comment by cutie on 23 March 2008:
The asian community in UK, the majority of asian people prefer the lighter skinned. And this for both men and women. its funny what they tend to class as ‘dark skinned’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQR7OHR57YA&NR=1
Comment by chika on 5 April 2008:
what about the kind of asian men that were on that mtv show… I think they were called jabawokeez?
Comment by lilbitofcoco on 11 April 2008:
Interesting point Chika… From my observation.. it seems that asian culture is really into hip hop and african american culture.. its only a matter of time before we go from attending cocerts together to actually dating..
I have always been friends with asian and southasian communities In elementary school my best friend was chinese.. and she secretly loved janet jackson and salt and pepa.. but complained over the fact that her parents would only allow her to dat chinese. She hated the guys the set her up with.. and grew up to have many black female friends..
As an adult I hang out with a lot of south asains. One of my filipino guy friends knows neo soul almost as good as me :)The asians I know all tend to have the ‘jabawookee’ hip hop vibe as the last poster brought up.
They (as a culture) can only hate on black females for so long.. I mean we are the mothers of the men their women date…..
cute is cute.
and cross cultural.
Comment by des_pes on 14 April 2008:
Why am I scared of black women. I am a black guy. I have to be extra careful when I deal with black women. When its on its really on with the sistas, mostly though I am happy to get out with my skin from the get go. I do understand where the sistas come from. There is unbelievable social pressure on the black woman. She has to be extra protective and more shielded. Brothers don’t make it easy, we lie and cheat more than other men to get the cookie box, we play and when there are children we are willing to abandon them. Its all the legacy of racism but please “black women” just be a little more easier. That’s all we ask.
Comment by lilbitofcoco on 15 April 2008:
Isnt this post about black women and asian men?
Comment by HydrabadChik on 15 April 2008:
I live and work in South India. I’ve lived here for 4.5 years. I’m 40+ and have been frequently ‘approached’ by Indian men. They’ve made it clear that they’re interested in and expect casual sex only.
Expats and locals alike explain that I’m supposed to “understand” this expectation because the local Indian men only know black women from hip-hop videos. I have no interest in being understanding.
I do realize that around the world, there’s a point of view regarding black women that won’t change soon. I’ll talk to anyone but I’m very careful. In the court of appearances in this culture, Indian men have the social advantage. If anything bad happens to any western female, this culture will first ask: “Why were you there?” “Where’s your husband?” “Travelling alone???”
I was once in a Bangalore nightclub, wearing flats, jeans, and a loose fitting t-shirt. (Yes, I dress conservatively. I’m over 40 and have never been slender or petite.) There were white and Indian women around me in minis, tank tops. But I’m the one who got approached with “price is no object”!
Asians are interested because in their minds, we have no moral standards. Many are curious and most find us easier to target for sex. When settling down, they choose Asian women.
Comment by mossimo36 on 15 April 2008:
True enough Hydrabadchik. I can see them wanting a black or white woman for sex only, then getting the social pressure from their family to marry their own. Here in the US there was a case of a Indian father having a contract killer murder his black daughter in law. Very sad indeed
Comment by lilbitofcoco on 15 April 2008:
Having dated an Indian man, having mutiple SouthAsian friends, and had Asian friends growing up.. I must comment that the three cultures are very different. (For those of you who think all Asians are alike)
But a common theme is that any group of people with very strong cultural norms will have a hard time marrying outside of their culture, but less of a hard time having casual affairs.
and mossimo.. all I can say is
Comment by akbar on 1 May 2008:
Hey Jay is being funny or sarcastic. Come on no bigger than a bic lighter. If that is true then of course they will have trouble keeping females. No matter how much females say it is the moment not the size that matters. In all seriousness black women are not on the sidelines. Do you see how many dymes their are on this site? Men of all nationalities should love black women.
Comment by euridicey on 1 May 2008:
Maybe it is odd in america and england but my great grandfather was chinese and my greatgrandma was black i think this sort of mixture happened quite abit in the carribean mainly montserrat
Comment by euridicey on 1 May 2008:
Maybe it is odd in america and england but my great grandfather was chinese and my greatgrandma was black i think this sort of mixture happened quite abit in the carribean mainly montserrat as did alot of interacial relationships
Comment by ethereal99 on 1 May 2008:
Ok, it was said that black women & Asian men should start dating more. Why? if they don’t feel it then leave it alone. For some people, there is little opportunity for this & others are just not interested. We all have the right to fantasize about & be aroused by whomever we choose. And have fun doing it !
Comment by AznKing on 7 May 2008:
Too many stereotypes…. too many assumptions. I’m a Vietnamese-American who was (get this… and it’s more common than you think) adopted by white people. I grew up in a multi-cultural environment. I’m like, 6′0. I was always one of the best athletes and yeah, ok, I was good at math. I’ve dated just about every race of woman there is but I prefer black women. dark-skinned, light-skinned, thick, skinny, dreads, braids, weave (braids most of all cuz you know, when you’re hittin it from the back they’re nice to pull on, but I digress), all of the above. To me, they’re sexy as hell!!! Most of my friends are black and it’s funny cause when we hit the club, they’re chasing the thick white women (which I think are NOT attractive) while I’m tryin to holla at the sexy black ones. The virility of asian men is DEFINITELY downplayed in Hollywood for what reason I do not know. Trust me we can put it down as good as anyone and I don’t know about anyone else, but this package here gets compliments all the time. Open your minds and expand your circle acquaintances.
Comment by AznKing on 7 May 2008:
One more thing… my good friend “Big Country” always tells me that he’s attracted to white women mainly because he grew up in Alabama surrounded by mostly black women. He says he was so used to black women that he lost the taste for them. He said the same thing about grits.
Comment by lilyphenix on 11 May 2008:
Hi,
do you know about this movie?
http://popcultureshock.com/akiras/
It will show at De Anza College in Cupertino, CA Thursday May 15 @ 4:30 PM in FORUM 1, followed by a discussion with movie director Joe Doughrity about interracial communication and stereotypes.
Please support the event by helping spread the word. Thanks!
Comment by ELEVAT1ON on 13 May 2008:
This is a great topic.
I’ve been questioning this for some time now myself. I actually found this site because I was so curious about what other people had to say in regards to this subject, that I googled “Asian Men and Black Women couples”. Apparently I’m not the only one who noticed the rarity of this type of union.
I think there are many different reasons why you hardly see this matchup, but the main one is that asian men are generally viewed in a certain light. US Media is to blame for that. For the most part, whenever you see an asian guy on screen, he’s usually placed into a very stereotypical category. Whether it’s as a Martial Arts master, A super geeky braniac, or a random old man with a heavy accent, the stereotype is almost always one that does not reflect asian men in a way that makes them appealing to the average american woman.
Comment by Christine M on 16 May 2008:
I like blogs like this, because I am attracted to asian men. Just because someone looks different dosen’t mean you have to treat them that way. I think they are cute.(Tony Jaa,Takeshi Kanshiro, Jet and Jackie, etc.)I do think it tends to get a bit stereotyped or even if another race is interested, they don’t say because they think that the other won’t be interested. I once thought an asian guy was cute but he only dated white women.
Oh well don’t know what you are missin!:)
Comment by eramus on 18 May 2008:
Comment by Starthai on 10 September 2007:
Hi, I would like to say maybe there are just more black women who are not attracted to Asian men vise versa. I know I’m definitely not attracted are interested in Asian men I think the only Asian man I thought was ever hot is Jet Li, but as a whole I’m not too attracted to the Asian culture I just don’t think there good looking (only a very small %) to me. Sorry if I offended any one to each his own.
Starthi:
You have every right to date who you want but try not to stereotype people. I am a Black male and I dated women from various countries and cultures (Russia,China, Taiwan, Germany, England, Japan etc..)
However, my last three girlfrieds were from China and Taiwan. Am I attracted to only these type of women? I do not think so. It is the value system of education and family they bring to the table that gets me going. No, I am not saying non-Asian women have no values, but I am saying I prefer there values of close knit families, respect to elders and avoid credit.
Starthai, you look a little Asian to me. You need to check out this website. http://www.topix.com/forum/afam/TBEH5VAME8PARJ92B
Many black women in the past married Chinese men in this country.
Take Care,
Comment by eramus on 18 May 2008:
Comment by Starthai on 10 September 2007:
Hi, I would like to say maybe there are just more black women who are not attracted to Asian men vise versa. I know I’m definitely not attracted are interested in Asian men I think the only Asian man I thought was ever hot is Jet Li, but as a whole I’m not too attracted to the Asian culture I just don’t think there good looking (only a very small %) to me. Sorry if I offended any one to each his own.
Starthi:
You have every right to date who you want but try not to stereotype people. I am a Black male and I dated women from various countries and cultures (Russia,China, Taiwan, Germany, England, Japan etc..)
However, my last three girlfrieds were from China and Taiwan. Am I attracted to only these type of women? I do not think so. It is the value system of education and family they bring to the table that gets me going. No, I am not saying non-Asian women have no values, but I am saying I prefer there values of close knit families, respect to elders and avoid credit.
Starthai, you look a little Asian to me. You need to google “For example, the tenth census of Louisiana showed, among the 489 Chinese in the state, 28 had spouses present. Only 3 of those had China-born wives. Of the remaining, 4 married mulatto women, 12 married Negro women, 8 married white women, and 1 married an American-born Chinese.1″
Many black women in the past married Chinese men in this country.
Take Care,
Comment by monianne on 21 May 2008:
I had a black friend who married a White/Japanese man. My first college bf was East Indian American (first generation). My 2nd interacial relationship was with a white/Chinese man. My East Indian male friend dated a black South African woman and married an African American woman. I have been surrounded and part of more Asian man/ Black woman couplings that Black/White. I have never thought of any particular ethnicity as being unattractive. Men are men….
Comment by sofia ao on 26 May 2008:
I’m a black woman married to a half Japanese, half Mexican American man. I think it’s pretty uncommon in the US, but we are very happy, and we get along great with each others’ parents.
Comment by Bajanna on 31 May 2008:
A very important point to mention is the roles of Asian men and Black women in their specific societies. If you look at the history of their backgrounds you can see why these two groups represent the smaller percentage of inter racial relationships. It boils down really to stereotypes that people hold on to.They are usually to afraid to try something new that could potentially lead them to happiness. However it’s just a matter of time before they catch on.
Comment by Nandi on 31 May 2008:
des_pres? You sound like a babbling fool…Man up and stop hiding behind the skirts of Black Women…
Back to topic…There is probably alot of reasons why there is a small percentage of interracial relationship between Asian men and Black women…I don’t do stereotype…However although the percentage is small, the actual dating of these two groups have been going on for sometimes…
I do not see what difference does it makes…I have dated an Asian men before…did not run into any of those stereotypes…
But, I do agree hollywood/media do not really cast them in a range of characters or even in everyday commericals…So for some, there is nothing but stereotypes…How sad indeed
Comment by lilian93 on 9 June 2008:
hello, I’m an BW, of age 14; I know I’m a bit young, but yes: AMBW couples r hard to find. And whenever I do find interracial relationships, I smile to myself and think: “That could be me…” And it CAN be me! If other races (and the Black race) are willing to see past the irrelevant color of skin; there would be less married couples. I too, am interested in Asian men. My dream is to move to a place heavily populated by AMBW couples. ASian men are quite the fancy; and I do not see myself with a black man anytime soon. I’ve never been asked out, and I know I’m not bad-looking; but it really hurts when I find out the guys I like arent into me; but into their own race. I’m in a interracial romance book fad; and everyday I get a bit of hope for the next day. I pray that my Mr. Right is in college waiting for me…lol.
-Lilian-Ann
Comment by charmyluv on 16 June 2008:
I live in the caribbean where there is alot of asian people, and we are mostly black here. I dont see alot of asian male or female wit black men or women we just dont find them attractive. well asian people here tend to stick to thier own they dont want to mix wit black, black dont want to mix wit asian.
i think though that WHITE MEN is very handsome, smart and sexy no doubt about that i prefer white men and thats wat i am attracted to.
Comment by LatinLuxury on 24 June 2008:
When I was a college student, I had developed this huge crush on a Japanese guy in one of my courses. We eventually became friends, and I found out he secretly admired me also! Although, we both were feeling each other, the timing was off and nothing ever happened between us. The point is…everyone should just be open about who or what they want-then pursue but oftentimes fear gets in the way. Asian men are gorgeous, funny, smart, and usually successful…they should not be afriad to approach women outside of their race. It is fear of rejection that often keep asian men on the sidelines.
Black females on the other hand, have the shorter end of the stick. The media dogs my Sistas and the world has become in a sense ’scarred’ of black beauties. In addition, I find a lot of my black females friends are insecure about themselves, which is a direct result from what the media’s idea of beauty is. Just because your not light skinned or have long hair, doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful. In fact, black woman have an advantage over all-their killer bodies! So don’t stay in the shadows sistas!
Comment by A. on 24 June 2008:
Say it with me now, ladies.
DANIEL HENNEY.
Do a google search on this man. He’s quite possibly the sexiest man alive.
Comment by eboniheat on 24 June 2008:
I served in the US Army as a single black female and spent about 4.5 years in Seoul, Korea. Here is my take on the AM/BW couple…Asian men are very traditional and tend to only marry Asian women. But they do find Black woman extremely appealing, and extremely intimidating. Everyday I worked the nicest elderly Korean man you ever wanted to meet. Mr Yi was extremely courteous, respectful and everyday he told me how beautiful I was. One day we were having a casual conversation and again he commented on the lovliness of my skin, so I jokingly asked me if I could marry his son. He grew very quiet, but told me quite firmly, “you are beautiful woman, but my son must marry Korean girl, never black girl” It shocked me to hear my dear old nice friend say this, but he added “I know you are a good woman, but a good Korean boy can only marry a good Korean girl”…tradition rules most Asian cultures. But there were younger Korean guys that were very open to dating black females, yet again, only dating. Since I have been back in the states, I see attractive Asian men, we make eye contact, smile but they seem very intimidated and never speak. I find Asian men attractive, sensitive, and sexy. I hope more will open themselves up to interracial relationships.
Comment by Ali on 29 June 2008:
I Absolutly think an asian man and african american
women should start dating. Asian men are smart, funny
sophisticated , and very interesting. SO I AGREE WITH
THIS 100 PERCENT!!!!!!!
Comment by Ron on 30 June 2008:
I guess I would have to say that I’m in a rare relationship. My girlfriend (who is a beautiful black woman) and I have been dating for over 4 years now. And,I must say that it is pretty rare. I’m full filipino and I am not a weak minded person. My father is not a weak minded person, just to reply back to the comment I read about ones supervisor… don’t worry i wasn’t offended. I just wanted to say that, all races have weak men in general and maybe you have come accross the epitime of weak men and he happened to be filipino. As a matter of fact, back in the philipines women is still somewhat of an inferior gender… sad but true. I’m totally against that.Anyways, I would just like to share that I’m a filipino who doesn’t see color. As long as we have things in common and we get along…I’m the type of person who goes out and get what I want. I am from California and if you live in Northern california… you will see that there are more asian men or filipino men dating black women…By the way, i’m not bragging or anything but I’m one asian that can dance. Much love…
Comment by Shojigirl on 5 July 2008:
I’ve been with my asian hubby for 11yrs now. He is highly intelligent,cool, sensitive they are, and sexy. And we have a child together. His family was cool about us as long as I was productive.
Now, I do believe asian men are attracted to BW. But there are reasons why they or other races won’t approach us. (In my opinion black women must …
1. be more soft spoken, at times
2. be less aurgumentive, because asian men don’t like drama,nor do they like their women to openly express in public (out of respect).
3.Wear your own hair, when possible.
4.Stay fit and slender ,nor fatt! Repeat!!!!
5.Femine appearance, as in very girlish. Japs like that!!
6.Be educated as most of us are!
7. they like shy-ness, but with opportunity (be open to things)
8. Appreciate the little things (not what u think!)
9. Be a giver. (Rubb him, sweat talk him, feed him (whatever he wants)
10. Funny, cool and alittle crazi n bed.
If your willing to follow this short list, u’ll get an asian man, white man, and more so a BLACK MAN!They will run back to you, afterall I never had a problem findin a black man, just one who didn’t cheat. lol..
But again this is my opinion. goodluc!
Comment by worthurwhile on 5 July 2008:
@ A - OH GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN! - YOU WERE RIGHT! THAT DANIEL HENNEY IS PERFECTION WITH A CHERRY ON TOP! WOW! He is my new obsession! Thanks A - Two words. Daniel Henney! mmm! mmm! mmm!
@ Shojigirl - while I respect the time it took for you to write your comments, I really feel that they take “us back” 30 years. If you are “tailoring” your life to suit what you feel a man should want, or to fit his “idea of perfection” - then something is wrong.
What if I am naturally outspoken and bold, or my hair doesn’t sway in the wind? And don’t get me started on your “FAT” statements? - I am not a feminist maniac..but damn! you are basically asking us to be something that we are not! I model as a hobby - and I decided to do a little experiment when I joined afroromance. I posted a professional picture of me -heavy make up, extentions, lights etc and I got 100 notes a day. When I put in my “real” picture - jeans, a sweater, no make up, acne, cellulite - the notes stopped, no winks..nothing.
You are promoting this “idealism” that is so out of place and its statements like “not fat - repeat” or “feed him whatever he wants” “do not express yourself in public” (what does that even mean)..that take us back to a time when we had no voice.
What has worked for me is “if you can appreciate me for who I am, flaws and all - then get the hell out of my way” - another man’s loss is another man’s treasure.
Comment by ShinyMira on 6 July 2008:
I agree with you worthurwhile very well stated missy.
Comment by Nandi on 6 July 2008:
shogirl…Your list sounds like something a man would pay for to obtain…Unbelievable
worthuwhile, I agree with you…Although it is hard to believe in 2008, that any woman would discount herself and have such self hate and low self esteem, shogirl post is not even an intelligent one, which should atleast be a requirement…Asian women are very prominent in science and technology jobs that were once a male dominated field and I am positive their male counterparts can handle that….
That crap about hair, fat etc…Sure signals of low self esteem to hurl insults at an entire race to prove what? I wish my partner family would tell me ” as long as you are productive, you can be with my son” I would have responded with kiss my ass!
Other races won’t approach us? is self-hatred to the 9nth degree…..And please don’t say us, because the us that I know would not care what others thinks and demand whomever they seek to accept them for who and what they are……Perhaps it is the low-esteem of self that is the turn off…
Everything is not about race so no need to self-inflict! Alot of cultures have strong cultural ties to their ethnic group/race and religion…Sometimes it is as simple as that…Indians particularly have very strong, arrangement married type of cultures…So it is not personal…No more than a white man who is attractive to white women only…just his preference doesnt mean his is a racist..
I have dated outside my race and I will tell you, I am not attracted to red heads, just not appealing to me…Doesn’t mean I have a check list on things against red heads, just do not find them attractive.
Comment by Morningflower on 7 July 2008:
Shojigirl - I am very dissapointed by your post, but like you said, this is just your opinion - so here is mine.
First of all, don’t generalize “US” that way - we all bring something different to the table and one man may find me attractive, another may not or vise versa- it is what it is. I am not some “remodelling project” for a man to come and change as he pleases and never would I allow it. Would I yell and act inappropriately to embarass my man or deliberately put him down infront of friends/relatives etc - absolutely not - But I will “check him” behind closed doors because that is what couples do - they let each other have a voice!
Do I Work out and eat healthy for a man? - NO - I do it because there is a sense of accomplishment - I am doing something good FOR ME.
Secondly, Of course, in order for any relationship to work, changes need to be made on things that make sense but not that dumb list! You ought to be talking about self love and not that crap about hair and slaving over a stove.
Does your husband really know your true self? do you even know who you are anymore or have you lost yourself so much in the relationship in order to conform to his preferences that you do not remember who you are? What is so hard about letting others see the real you, not the man or woman you think they want you to be.
The reason you should just be yourself is that you want your mate to want you just for being you. That way there’s no pressure to keep putting on an act. I don’t know about you, I think that changing yourself to meet your date’s or mate’s criteria is not only stressful and dishonest, but it’s also a surefire way to doom a relationship.
Love me or Leave me..
-The End-
Comment by Shojigirl on 7 July 2008:
Ms. Worthwhile,
I respect your statement all the way, and for that “YOU GO GIRL!” However the truth will sometimes hurt those who are in denial. I made this list not because my soul is unhappy and I hate myself, but for those women who don’t have the courage to make some changes, but yet they’ll complain about why no one wants them! To each is own is true, but some make it difficult for others to reach forward and grabb their hands, and heart. Which is why some brothers are going the other way!
As far as my asian mother in-law, comment. Would you want your daughter/son dating someone with no productive future? That alone has nothing to do with race, just ask around.
Again this is my opinion. But thanks for responding.
Comment by worthurwhile on 7 July 2008:
Shojigirl? what is wrong with you? like seriously? what is it? can you go back and read your statements?? are you even a woman? you profile does not show up so that leads me to believe that you are one of those people that hide behind monitors and keyboards to get the rest of us all “wound up” over nothing. Well..I am not feeding into your crap…Because of these statements which have no place in this forum and neither do they carry any merit. Take your idealistic BS elsewhere - we are not buying whatever you are trying to sell. ARIGATO!
“To each is own is true, but some make it difficult for others to reach forward and grabb their hands, and heart. Which is why some brothers are going the other way!”
Comment by worthurwhile on 7 July 2008:
@Nandi - I think you might have been onto something with this “shojigirl” person.