There may be enough dividing factors when it comes to teen cliques. But when it comes to dating among teens, most of them do not see race and ethnicity as a dividing factor. Clothes, hairstyles or favored musicians seem to matter most.
When growing up, I used to have friends from all races. Their color never used to matter. What really mattered was that we all had fun together… we all shared similar interests besides race. However most of us find themselves in situations where parents interfere. Am sure you have heard parents say things like ‘Don’t associate yourself with so and so. They are not like us.’ So who are they? ‘The others’ like in Lost TV show?
One judgmental parent posted a 911 question on some parenting website - My ninth grade daughter has become interested in a boy of a different race. This type of thing could potentially tear my extended family apart. At her young age (she is 14), I’m not sure she is mature enough to understand the implications of such a relationship… So what implications are these? Was it really about the teenager or was she just trying to be satisfy her selfish racial prejudices and fears?
With a lot of celebrities who are racially blended, it’s no surprise teenagers would be more open to romantically crossing racial and ethnic boundaries than previous generations. However, several teenagers also agree that pressures from parents and society add difficulties in a relationship between people with differing races. Erika Lopez, a Lakeland High student says her family expects her not to date outside her Mexican heritage. It’s like they are not part of the family. Of course they are not part of the family. None of the people we date are. So why accept those within our race as part of the family and neglect those that aren’t? Beats me.
Thing is, parents strongly influence a youngster’s attitude toward cultural blending. Most are just closed-minded and want their kids to believe what they believe, race-wise or class-wise. So unless the parents have a non-judgmental mindset, then only the rebellious teens will date interracially.
Some teenagers approve of interracial dating without any restrictions but say they couldn’t imagine themselves dating or marrying outside their racial or ethnic category. Could this be because of some acquired prejudice from their parents or is it just a matter of preference? Are they afraid of being treated as outcasts?
Well there is no law guiding love or who we love. And as Mother Terressa said, ‘If you judge people, you have no time to love them’. So if our children can be as open minded as they are, then I guess its time for parents to just BUTT OUT!!! Don’t you think?
Tags: interracial dating, black women black men, black white dating
Popularity: 16% [?]
Comment by ANNE. on 24 April 2007:
I AM NOT A YOUNG PERSON , BUT AS A MOM OF TEENAGERS WHO R MULTI -CULTURAL IN HERITAGE HAVE CHOSEN TO DATE aSIAN AND WHITE…THE MOST RESISTANCE THEY’VE MET IS FROM THE aSIAN FAMILY MEMBERS … U SEE THIS IS WHAT eUROPEAN LEGACY AND BRAND OF RACISM HAS LEFT ITSW MARK ON ALL PEOPLES ,ESPECIALLY AGAINST PEOLPE OF aFRICAN ORIGIN …THE FUNNY THINFG IS SOME WHITE PEOPLE ARE PREJUDICED AGAINST THEM AS WELL AND THEY SEE THE NEED TO PROPORT RACISM AS WELL ? THIS IS THE AGE OF REASONING RIGHT?….
Comment by fala on 24 April 2007:
We were all teen-agers once. You know that the more your parents tell you not to do something and the more they make a big deal out of it - the more you’re going to want to do it. Young people today are living a different existence than what their parents’ did. They have to make their own path. It’s just part of being a teen-ager.
Comment by CleverChaos on 26 April 2007:
I am a parent and I believe in leading my example. I have 2 teenage girls and openmindedness is definitely something I have instilled in them. I also teach them that they are free to make their choices and allowed to have their own preferences, regardless of what anyone else thinks. I date interracially and my children understand that people are people, not colors or races. They are also learning to have strength when facing challenges and adversity. They know that other people are not always going to agree with certain things and they need to be prepared for that. All parents should welcome any questions or concerns their children have about interracial dating.
Comment by SoulFlower on 29 April 2007:
This is a good way to insteal culture values in a young child mind to be open minded and not afraid to communicate outside their race if they are intrigued by other cultures. I am single with no children and hope to one day populate this planet with a couple of multi-racial children that will learn so much from 2 culture they will want to share with others.
Comment by mossimo on 2 May 2007:
I faced this exact thing as a teen and was told that it wasn’t acceptable. Of course, my mom has since opened her mind a bit. I guess they realize that I am just not going to change because society might find it to be conveninent for us to stay and play behind our own fences.
Comment by mossimo on 3 May 2007:
Perhaps this young generation will face less obstacles than the ones that cam before them. At least I hope so
Comment by Jason on 3 May 2007:
I think kids these days look at race and ask the older fols, whats the big deal? I think we are moving in some ways towards what MLK Jr dreamed about, despite old heads trying to prevent it by either forbidding it or speaking down about IR dating. It’s here to stay folks, get used to it and get over it! Focus on if that person treats you right or not.
Comment by tony on 20 May 2007:
All i can say is that love see’s no-color, and some of the older folks need to take a lesson from the younger generation. And then maybe we will have a chance to make this world a much better place….
Comment by Stalin on 28 May 2007:
“Well there is no law guiding love or who we love.”
Yes there is. For example, you mentioned the 14 year old girl who is interested in a “boy from another race”, and how her parents have a negative, “prejudiced” view towards their daughter’s interest. I am a man in my 20’s, and I would not be allowed, by 2007 American laws, to date a girl that age, unless it was done secretly. So, as you can see, there certainly are laws guiding who we love. Also, let’s not turn this into a moral issue, on whether or not it’s “wrong” or “right” for an older man to be dating a girl that age, because girls that age DO date, and it’s accepted, tolerated, encouraged, and talked about on “progressive” blogs (as long as her partner is not above 18).
In past decades in America, and in other countries right NOW, an older man could date a girl around that age, and it wouldn’t be a problem, while interracial dating would be nearly unheard of. So therefore, being “opening minded” about interracial dating in 2007 America, but at the same time following, and taking seriously, 2007 age of consent laws, does not make you open minded, or progressive. You’re just another follower. You’re simply following CURRENT standards and laws, which may change with the wind in a few years anyway.
So, you think it’s good that teens interracially date? Great, so does everyone else. You’re just following the pack. In the past, the standards were different. In the future, they’ll be different again, and you’ll be left behind while the young people will be more “progressive” than you are. By the way, in that future I mentioned, don’t be surprised if Americans are much “darker” than they are now, and there won’t be as many white people around, for interracial dating to even be possible. So therefore, the current standards will have to change again, since there will be new, trendier ways of being “open minded” than now. And by then, you’ll be old, senile, and “ignorant”. Sucks for you.
Comment by RayneDelay on 21 July 2007:
I wanted to date interracially when I was a teen but the White and Latino guys were so scarry. And I was too shy. I only went out with Black guys and it’s still pretty much the same. Me wanting and actually dating men I have no interest in. I would encourage any teenager to figure out what they want and go for it.
Comment by wesley snippez on 23 October 2007:
Why are Black women and white men featured more than Black men with white women?
Are white women deliberately being left out?
This is bogus!
Comment by wesley snippez on 23 October 2007:
White men really put Black women last on their lists. Asian and latin women come before Black women.
Black women are the most rejected women on earth.
I wish them success trying to get the white womans
men. I just doubt that their high Aids rate, and
crime rate is appealing to white men or otherwise.
Good Luck.
Comment by vt33 on 23 October 2007:
Well this blog is not for the timid. Unfortunately I have to agree with some of the radical wesley snippez comments on his last blog. Yet Mr. Snipes keep in mind, where the high HIV and AIDS ratio is coming from…hint..hint..hint. Stay out the ghetto coochie bars, and stop doing the downlow, and be faithful, how about those apples.
I am not a parent yet, I understand where folks are coming from with this issue. Keep in mind the girl of Mexican heritage, her parents want her to stay within her own race. I can totally understand that,lets look at this from her parents angle. They are Mexican immigrants, and they probably have endured a lot of verbal abuse and maybe some physical abuse from other cultures since they have been in America. The ideal of “staying with your own” appeals to them they have seen the hate that is brandished on them and felt they don’t want that for their daughter. The mexican man has worked hard to bring his family a good home, a good education, opportunity, that may not have existed for him in his native country, yet he did it here in a foreign country he is proud of this and will not let no one take that away. Like this, you disrespect me and now you want to be with my daughter. NO WAY! Folks toy with that for a minute and see how you feel.
Same can be with black men and their daughters, they see they type of sterotype and all the other crap that surrounds us, and they may feel that other races of men are just there to “get a taste” , and he may feel you are not going to do this with my daughter. I took your crap in the 60’s endured, got my degree, became a prominent, Doctor, Lawyer, Businessman etc. My Daughter is better than you and you will not have her, now on both of these angles, there is a level of pride that is felt. Grab your hankies!
I can’t speak for everyone blogging, but I think we need to understand why minorities feel the way they do about interacial dating, and why the majority feels they way they do, lets analyze the majority. My daughter is a pillar of the community, she is a voluneteer, cheerleader, National Honor Society Student, Harvard, Princeton, Stamford bound, all around good kid. I have parents who have secured her future, and I have secured her future as well. I want whats best for my daughter. Some kid, from the wrong side of the tracks thinks he is gonna move in on my daughter and take her innocence, and try to get in my good graces and take her future. NOT IN THIS LIFETIME! Tell me folks what is the difference in all three of these examples.
I just explored, black, latino, and white parents feelings. Meet the parents! That is how a lot of parents feel about interracial dating. Yet as parents, you can’t push out ideals on our kids in that format. We have to beleive we have given our children all the tools necessary in life to make good judgement calls, about life and people. TRUST in your children is the key here. Plus, today kids aren’t in segregated school systems anymore. I was born in the 70’s, my first experience in pre-school was odd, I can only recall 2 other black children in school with me. When I moved to the North it was different, there were no white children in school with me, only white teachers, and principals. Now we can explore that element to death but, on a future episode. My mom moved me to a area where blacks, whites, latinos, and haitians went to school. Weird, but effective, there was still the segregated lunch room, but mainly the students did it.
Yet, that was my first time seeing, young people play football, basketball together. Young people, teens, they see a mix of things. My experiences was over 20 years ago, now look at how far we have come. To see Dr. Kings, comment on children of all colors playing together comes to pass, is a great thing.
Are parents close minded, not really. You have to try to understand their experience and how they don’t want that inflicted on their own. That is a parents natural call ” to protect their young”. You can blame them on that! They didn’t like the pain they felt, it hurt them emotionally and deeply.
There are parents, who are in my age group and feel they have giving the key to understanding life and people to let them go out and make friends with other races, and perhaps date them. Is this a fade, like girls making out with girls. I don’t know, but I think this is why parents today are persistant with their own staying away from other races, on a romantic level.
Bottomline, this is the future, of the world now, it is evolving, chinese girls dating, white dudes, black women dating white dudes, asian men dating black and white women, black men dating, black, white, chinese, spanish. It runs the gautlet, I think ideal of a interracial world is not so far fetched. The ideal of people excepting people and not being cruel, will allow the interracial world to flourish. Hot Damn! over did it again. Till the next episode! I’m out!
Comment by sockey on 13 February 2008:
Im 18 and my parents still dont accept the fact that im dating a wonderful Black man. In fact they seems to notice more of the things i do wrong then they see me do right. I will be sad to see the day when i choose him over my family because they can’t accept them because of their ways of life.
Comment by euridicey on 1 May 2008:
I’m only twenty and knew in my teens that i was attracted to white men exclusively but haven’t dated yet as my family already call me bounty and i didn’t want the confrontation.I know that dating outside my culture will generate a bad feeling in the family and leave me an outcast eventhough i have an irishand chinese greatgrandparents my family prides itself on being black.It seems more accepted that blackmen date white women but not the other way round in my family as the female is supposed to keep the family pure.
Comment by mossimo36 on 1 May 2008:
I dated interracially as a teen even though it was a bit less common then
Comment by Javonte on 19 May 2008:
well i am 18 going to collage and I have a interest in a girl of a diffrent race and i find no problem with it,but i think my mom will and things like that i cant talk to her about
Comment by Atl79 on 16 August 2008:
As a white man i would have no problem with my daughter dating a asian, white, or mexican man. But considering Black STD stats and the fact they leave over 70% of their kids with NO FATHERS…. a black dude is the LAST thing i wanna see brought home.
I worked the projects of atlanta and new orleans in my early 20’s, and believe me when i say…young black male culture is SERIOUSLY screwed up!
Comment by kishwick on 4 November 2008:
I agree that a lot of the black culture when dealing with men is messed up. I’m black but because of the way black men are acting ie: I wanna be a thug… I have been turned off by them. I am really into interracial relationships now because it opens new doors and opportunities for me in life and love.
Comment by strak on 17 December 2008:
I am 15 and I am falling In love with a 16 year old black man. My parents do not approve of my descison but I am not going out with him yet. I am waiting for their approval that will never come! I really like him and I want them to understand, does anyone know how to make your parents understand your interests!!!!!