More unmarried interracial couples than married: Is shame the reason?

Posted by Ria, 22 May

Much as 1 in 10 couples in America are married, it so happens that unmarried couples, gay or straight, are twice as likely as their married counterparts to be interracial… especially in the state of Florida.

So why are there more unmarried interracial couples than the married?

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Looking at it, one reason could be because most unmarried couples tend to be much younger than the married couples. And as they say, the young people are more open to racial mixing and don’t really see it as a deal breaker in dating. But could it also be: most people don't care about who they are dating but when it boils down to commitment in marriage, race becomes a deal breaker hence end up settling with a spouse from their own race? Could it be because when dating, we tend to experiment with different people, personality and race, but come marriage we tend to be more conservative with our choices?

Well, one thing an Orlando psychotherapist, David Baker-Hargrove who is also in a same-sex interracial relationship says about interracial coupling is: "How well you navigate the world in which you move means you have to be able to own who you are and have no shame about it. Other people respond to that accordingly." And he and his partner seem have done so pretty well and "don't see a lot of issues that are inherent in race relations because [they] don't have any shame about who [they] are."

Well, his reasoning got me thinking... When navigating through racial lines, do some people feel shameful about making that choice? Looking at his statements, could shame be the reason why when it comes to marriage, most people end up picking their own? Is shame the reason for having twice as many unmarried interracial couples compared to the married ones?

4 responses to "More unmarried interracial couples than married: Is shame the reason?"

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  1.   devnull says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 12

    I just think they are not ready to marry as it is probably one of the biggest decision a person has to take. Also and many may not like to read it. Many interracial couples are just having "FUN" and when it comes down to the nitty gritty they eventually marry someone of their own race, nationality etc. I hope this changes but the reality is it will always be this way with a slight incremental increase in interracial marriages. I think it will be interesting to poll interracial couples and then also get their individual responses to see what is holding them back.

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  2.   inspire says:
    Posted: 27 May 12

    I will say people who will date outside their race, but still will not marry outside of their race, has something to do with pressure from their family. I believe if you care enough to continue dating a person, you will marry them- as long as your family isn`t ridiculing you for it. Sometimes, a person`s family is willing to 'DISOWN' them and still, the person will go on to marry the one they love. I believe that is what slavery and segregation stemmed from. So, this one wouldn`t go making babies or running off with that one. However, the feeling of love is truly a universal language, feeling and art! It is so phenomenal, what was once illegal, is now encouraged! Unlike the sky, love has no limit!

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  3.   nika23 says:
    Posted: 25 May 12

    Speaking for myself only, I don't think it has anything to do with shame. If you're ashamed, then you should not be in an interracial relationship at all. I agree that more interracial couples are younger, hence the reason they aren't married yet. If someone was in an interacial relationship, then married someone of their race, it could be for many reasons. Well that's just my 2 cents.

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    • NiceGentGuy says:
      Posted: 13 Jun 12

      I agree, I think that most interracial couples are younger and younger couples in generals aren't as in a rush to get married. right or wrong this is how our generation behaves. I have a 30 year old cousin who is in a same race relationship but she is not married to the guy even though they've dated for like 5 or 6 years.

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