The era of virtual suitors
You will find a man with a profile photo from1986. You will find this woman who says she is single but she isn’t. The deception from people on online dating sites is something most of us have learned to accept… unfortunately, for some, the hard way!
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And now there are these ‘potential’ mates who never want to meet. They will email, tweet, religiously peruse through your Facebook wall, IM … They are willing to contact you via all technologies of the new millennium BUT meet you. All this bunch is interested in is something they call an ’elationship – no real hook-ups, just the virtual kind. Welcome to the new online dating frustration.
Some dude met this woman who kept popping up in most of his chat programs. However, every time he proposed a meeting, she claimed she was busy. After calling her one day, she told him she was already getting what she needs out of their communication. :roll: I mean... why would you engage someone in this much e-communication if you never plan to meet them?
The main reason for wanting to keep the relationship within the virtual realm is deception. And may be fear … of rejection …of making a fool of yourself. People perceive online relationships as being less risky in comparison with meeting in person. If you think about it, writing a wall post, an email or IM gives you some form of control. You can re-read and re-write what you wanna say before posting. Patricia Wallace, psychologist and senior director of information technology at Johns Hopkins University Center for Talented Youth in Maryland sees this control as the ability to create a better version of you.
Some people just do it for the attention. They have loads of people following them on all the social networking sites they are on, commenting on every post, picture… And it all ends there. All they want is to feel wanted by a bunch of people they never plan on meeting.
Author of the book 'The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating & Sex', Jennifer Worick talks about the different agendas people have when it comes to dating. You may be looking for a serious relationship “But for others, the end goal might be that they’re passing time, preventing boredom or just collecting men and women.”
I love the way she says puts it – “collecting”. Trophies? If you think about it, maybe this is how such people see their ‘potential’ e-mates.
The problem with ’elationships is the opportunity for lies and that false sense of intimacy they give. But are they all bad?
For some people, such relationships turn out to be very meaningful and lasting… especially if both parties are on the same page. Question is: Would you entertain one?
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38 responses to "The era of virtual suitors"
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Snazzybella says:Posted: 08 Jun 10I personally feel its harder to trust someone you meet online. People can be what ever or whom ever they want online. I dont think I will ever date a guy from the net.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 01 Jun 10
@ takinitall I've heard alot of people say they hate dating and the ups and downs and turn-arounds that come with it. I think it depends on the type of dating; is it just hanging out or window shopping(casual dating) or is it courting; carefull inspection and serious consideration of the person (serious dating). People could save alot of time if they stated their long term goals up-front. For example when I was on the dating scene I met a lady and on the first date she said, "I'm not window shopping, I've been there and I'm done with it, I'm looking for a potential husband. I know what I want and where I want to be and I not about to waste your or my time with anything less." I knew I wasn't out to get married at the time but I respected her so much for "being real" with me and not compromising her position. She wasn't about to get caught up in allowing a man to "try it on for size or take it for a test drive"(casual dating), her stance was, " once you buy it, it's yours and you can take it home with you!" LMAO I'm sure her frankness scared off alot of guys but I know it saved her alot of wasted time. Continuious dissappointment and fustration takes alot out of you, so she avoided that by imediately side stepping the men whose outlook and goals were not the same as hers. She wanted to be EQUALLY YOKED, meaning she wanted a man that wanted to move in the same direction and was willing to work towards getting there. takinitall you aint wrong, so hold your ground because I know where you're coming from and I think the same way. With me it's like, "ok this is whats on the menu, if you like it place your order and pay up. If you're undecided or you just don't like whats on the menu no problem, hand over my menu and go on about your bussiness but I'm not about to play games. I don't believe in false advertisement because what you see is what you get and if it's not on the menu it's because it's not there! The lady I went out with told me something that stayed with me and I held onto it myself when I was ready find a wife and her statement was, "DETERMINED I am but DESPARATE I'm not!" Say what you want and want what you say, anything else is B.S.!!! I'll close with a quote from my grandmama; "Child if ya READY to get him to the ALTER then never be WILLING to met him in THE ALLEY!" I miss that old lady, I really do! SADDIE / DONT YOU KNOW WE LOVE YOU / SWEET SADDIE / PLACE NO ONE ABOVE YOU / SWEET SADDIE, WELL WELL WELL............. Pardon me, I came unglued for a second! Peace
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takinitall says:Posted: 30 May 10@ No Player I totally understand nobody wants to be taken advantage of. But you can't live in fear or what if. I went on a date once and I was so disgusted, I left. We met at the restaurant and this guy kept hinting that if he pays for dinner, I will owe him later. I appreciate him for being honst, but come on. And no I didn't weat the blck dress, I was actually in jeans in a sweater. I don't know about other women, but it's not easy for me to date. In fact I hate the act of dating. I know it must be done to find my life mate, but does it have to be so grusome. I would love to meet a guy who is goofy, fun and spontaneous. I guess that's where Flava Flav, could get with me anyday. As usual I appreciate your advice and insight on lots of things. Love Ya Bro!
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kissime says:Posted: 29 May 10A Million Thanks To Our US Military Men and Women from the past and present for their sacrifices, dedication, and service to our country can not describe my appreciation. You are my heroes. The sacrifices you make every second of Your lives are inconceivable. I hope you return home with the strength of lions, peace In your hearts and minds. I hope you recognize the much needed help you need if necessary to find the balance you deserve to live prosperous lives. You are what inspires legends. I pray for your safe return home to your families and friends. I hope your hearts Remains strong through your journey~.
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oldschool56 says:Posted: 25 May 10@m.elliot....lolol 30 bucks for a haircut and shave?..you show me where a woman can spend that much and get hair and well the shaving would be for eyebrows or maybe legs..done..Im there!!! 30 dollars wont even get your nails done properly and while you can dress sexy and cool even from a discount store these days, its no secret that womens clothes are always priced higher then menswear. If Im willing to spend 150 bucks for a first date, he can spend 60-80 on dinner or lunch or whatever the place is. But you dress up to go to Carl's Jr or even worse Ronalds house..time to tell that man to kick rocks!!
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oldschool56 says:Posted: 25 May 10
Well seeing how Im a woman, I only deal with the male side. I have found that those who always have a reason for not meeting,are just BS-ing or just like the fantasy of what it would be like to meet up. Also the men I have encountered who lie never can remember what they lie about. Women do have a much better memory..lol. @ Janeey12..I agree with you, I chatted with a man who talked about coming to see me or I should say meeting me as long as I was willing to travel up his way. So I suggested we meet half way that way we both drive the same distance. All of a sudden now, he realizes, he loves his WIFE of which he never told me he had and that he was cutting the conversations off. Only when it came time for him to spend a little money(for gas in his own car mind you) did he get morals...So I dont meet half way anymore. You interested in me, you come and take me out the correct way or move on.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 24 May 10
Most men aern't afraid of dating seriously or spending money, I think alot of them are afraid of being taking for a ride. Once a man feels comfortable and is assured of a woman's love for him, he'll do whatever it takes to provide for her. When I think of all the guys I knew growing up that got involved in criminal attacvity to make fast money, I'm sure most weren't trying to impress or provide for one of the guys. Most that I knew were out to make themselves attractive to the girls because they knew the girls liked the flashy cars, clothes and the money, even if it put their lives in danger by hanging out with these guys. Looking back on the fights and shootings that went down majority of it was over girls, so given the extreme lengths that these guys went to just to be able to find and keep a woman, shows that most weren't afraid to spend money or have a serious relationship with a women, hell anytime a man gets locked up for 25 year to life for killing somebdoy over his woman, that men is serious about his relationship. We both know that type of lifestyle is wrong and it's destructive but I used it to show that men do desire relationships and they want to give all they can for that special woman. Nobody wants to be taking advantage of and sometimes that fear will get in the way of people forming serious relationships and more than likely they'll be super tight with their money if they have not grown to trust the other person. We sometimes trust too quickly. We allow our feelings and emotions think for us instead of using our God given intelligence to seriously think and interpret the reality thats right in front of us. As grandmama would say, "Your feelings sent your brain to the unemployment office"! She'd tell you, "The blind use their sense of feel because they cant see what's infront of them and when you go off of your feelings and emotions instead of your intelligence you becomee blind to reality and you stumble and end up falling time after time!" Most of us get taking for a ride because we don't see the signs that are right in front of our faces. We TALK when we should be Listening and we don't SEE because we're too busy LOOKING. So listen when a man is talking to you, he's probably telling you the truth and you got to accept his truth or reject his truth and go with what's real in YOUR EYES and YOU MIND ! takinitall if we were at the bar drinking, I'd charge you a Redbull & Vodka for my lecture but sense we're cool like that, a Bud Light will do! Luv ya!
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takinitall says:Posted: 23 May 10
@ Janeey12 I'm sorry if my post offended you, that was not my intent. My post was in response to M.Elliot's post. Selfish, I am definitely not. I just feel we all have roles in dating. My point was simply women contribute just as much to the date as the man does. @ No Player Please help me understand something. If men are afraid of dating seriously and spending too much money; how do they find a serious relationship? I'm not saying a serious relationship is built on how much one spends. I just can't do someone I feel is trying to get over on me.
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m.elliot says:Posted: 22 May 10Takiittall @ Ms_wonderful you both make some great points about the fact that women do have certain investments which might be necessary for a first date. However, I would like to bring your attention to the fact that many men also find themselves making the same significant investments as women for the first date. For example I have a few divorced male friends who are the primary caregiver spouse to their child. Therefore these men also need to invest in a suitable daycare for their children as do women. Am I to understand that a single males parents same investment in the same daycare is not seen as and equal investment to a single mothers regarding to the topic of ocntribution to a first date. Another exmaple you ladies stated was that on the clothing purchase issues. Men also have to groom themselves for the nights activities. Thus many men pay an average of $20 for a haircut at the local barbershop and another $10 for a clean shave. Clothing for men isnot as cheap as a woman would like to beleive. Sure those nut hugger wrangler jeans at Walmart might be $20, but for many men headed out for a special first date the mall is ideal to step out in fashion. Hence we delve into basic economics. Vitually all malls in America dedicate an overwhelming majorityof their shopping spaces to stores which cater to women the largest consumers of clothing in America. Thus in economics when you have a large amount of a resource which outweighs demand that is called a surplus. Surpluses drive prices down not send them up. The more available a good is to the consumer the less the demand thus the price becomes less. When certain goods are scare this means the supply of certain goods available falls well below the demand for such goods. Hence the supply of mens clothing stores falls well below the demand. The malls only cater to a few select male clothing stores many of them with only a limited supply of merchandise on hand. Thus a scare resource will cause more demand which causes higher pricing for the purchase of such items passed on the the male consumer. It must also be mentioned that male clothing stores at shopping centers tend to receive much less daily purchases then their counterpart female stores. Thus store managment is oftentimes forced to raise the already high pricing of male clothing even higher to pay for the high operating cost of mall rental stores and for the loss of income due to the lack of daily male consumers. Finally, it must be considered that the market for female clothing stores at large is one which expresses the true competiton ideals of a free market capitalistic economy. The large amount of female clothing consumers in America has spawned a large market of female clothing stores pricing competiton. With such a vast amount of places for women to purchase clothing in America these female clothing stores are forced to compete for the business of women. A shop owner must comptete by giving incentives to their female consumer to purchase clthing from their shop as opposed to another shop next door. The way this is done is by pricing certain clothing in the shop lower then those same clothing items in other shops usually by sales, special offers, or discounts. Thus women in America have access to lower prices for clothing because shops are forced to lower their proces to compete or fail being closed down due to lack of business as women have access to go next door to purchase the same item more cheaply at another shop. Men do not have access to the same competitive clothing market as do women. Mens clothing shops are much fewer in number and are not forced to compete for the business of the male consumer because their are not many male clothing shops within close proximity of each other. Thus a shop owner is at liberty to charge whatever price he/she wishes for their goods and the male consumer is forced to pay oftentimes for overpriced merchandise due to a lack of assebility to other suitable quality clothing options. In essense the male clothing shop market is a what in economics is called a unofficial cartel. Male clothing shop owners will all charge over inflated prices for clothing items as part of an unofficial agreement. Lastly, because so many clothing manafacturing centers are dedicated to the production of only womens garments and so few centers produce male clothing garments these unofficial cartels even before the clothing is made control the means of production which allows them to charge whatever price they want for their male clothing goods. Thus the misconception that at large womens clothing has always been significantly more expensive then mens clothing on avg is nothing but an urban legend based on no solid principles of economical logic or truth. This does not include of course speciality clothing like designer limited clothing editions like french, italian, NYC fashion show label attire fashion gear. I am simply talking about the avg clothing bought by consumers at large in America on a daily basis. $2000 shoes, purses, or dresses ar enot bought on a weekely basis by American women. FInally it must also be metioned that another reasonf ro the larger number of women clothing shops is the diversity of women clothing as comparable to men clothing. Women have more attire optins then do men which aslo contributes to the larger amount of womens clothing shops. Moving on to address the last issue which was also pointed out by regarding the comemnt of "a woman contribute’s grace, feminity and an opportunity to the man. As a lady she should be treated as such, and made to feel as though you are putting yourself out there for her. It’s just like with animals, the men are competing for the women.” Men contribute a mans grace, masculinity, and an opportunity to the woman and the man should be treated as such and made to feel as though the women is also putting herself out their for the man. However, this idea of men compepeting for women is no longer founded in the priciples of modern dating. One of the necessities of life it to be realistic about the world as it exist around one. In reality women greatly outnumber men to a very significant degree. These proportions at which women outnumber men is so great that their are not nearly enough men in the world to met the demand of women entering marriage age at present. Thus barring a scientific breakthrough in which a suitable male population is cloned for marriage or a change in the marriage laws to permit gay marriage between woemen or poligamy in which a man can marry more then one woman it is currently likely that a large amount of women in the world will live their entire life unmarried, not by choice but due to a lack of male marriage candidates available in the world. Ladies, in the animal kingdom you are correct in the fact that male animals compete. However, I will point out that these animals compete for the right to quell their carnal urge to mate with and not to marry the female. The male animals are not seeking lifelong partnerships with the females they are seeking a series of mating conquest to conquer all of female creation that they survey. Absentee fathers at best these male animals at large are not exactly models of male responsibility and dedication with of course the exception of the male penguin. Therefore looking to the animal kingdom as a example of male competition is not such a good, because after these male animals compete for mating rights they are moving on to the next female. It is also necessary to point out that the supply of females in the animal kingdom greatly outnumbers the males which might contribute to the lack of male monogamy in the animal kingdom. Thus being realistic a woman should not expect to be competed for in the modern dating scene, but to enter into a situation on equal terms of mutual respect and understanding. With a large amount of women with similar looks and personalities as the ones we desire to choose from men have more dating options then ever before. The female baby birthing population explosion has lead to men not having to actually compete as the idea now seems quite foolish to men who now know that the same looking and personality type woman can be obtained with much less complication in their same city. Thus ideas of competiton only work in a female market where women or similar women are a scarce resource. Unfortunatley in America for women they are not a scare resource in personality or looks anymore due to the large amount of women in America now. Thus the days of early American competiton for the hands of a woman are long gone and realy has no bearing on the reality of modern American society. As many single never married older women clinging to this myth of a knight in shining armour fighting for her have found out no man is going to slay a dragon to prove his worthyness or any longer compete for a woman when their are plently of modern dating women who dont request or expect anything of this man other then mutual respect and understanding . Those women have chosen to be realistic and have been rewarded by finding marriage material men. In reality the scare resource in America is good marriage material men which are in high demand but low in supply. Therefore ladies so many women seeking such depleted scare resources of good men for marriage it is women who are now competting for the large deficit of men. As more and more modern women look at the generation of predecessor single unmarried women they have learned that "old fashion traditional ways of dating" simply have not proven to be at all effective and adopted a modern approach of finding a potential male marriage partner. The modern woman viewing the defects of her predecessor's "traditional oldfashion aproach" has made the necessary corrections to become more successful or thrown it out alltogether and taken on a more effective modern approach. Competition for women has no place in modern dating for men or women. An equitable and equal dating situation based on mutual respect and the mutual sharing of all obligations arsing from dating has become a recognized principle of dating by men and modern women thus it has crystalized into the new rules of dating and has become the standard norm and for the time being is here to stay.
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ms_wonderful says:Posted: 21 May 10Bottom line: There are men out there who are willing to be a gentleman and pay for the first date and there are women who are willing to "go dutch". Just as there are men who expect women to pony up and pay for everything and vice versa for women. It all boils down to what the expectations are of the first date. I'm not going to expect to meet a man at a 5 Star Restaurant on the first date. IMO, Starbucks is just fine. You both just got to make it clear on expectations. janeey12: I'm confused by your response. Why is that selfish? I agree with takinitall. Hell, I've spent big on getting ready for a date (sans the daycare expense, thank goodness I don't have children). I have yet to meet a man that didn't want to be seen with a woman who invested in her appearance.
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janeey12 says:Posted: 19 May 10
takinitall: "Women contribute alot to the first date. Yes we show up, but even before that we have to get hair, nails, makeup, dressed and sometimes childcare. These things alone could easily run us $100 for one evening, compared to the guys $10 hair cut and jeans. But, even more a woman contribute’s grace, feminity and an opportunity to the man. As a lady she should be treated as such, and made to feel as though you are putting yourself out there for her. It’s just like with animals, the men are competing for the women." This is one seriously selfish and myopic view. I'm sorry but you need to rethink you view to things. See them from a view your preconceived and wrong assumptions.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 18 May 10
@ Takinitall - We went on that trip, I just didn't allow her to pay for it, I paid for the villa and she paid for our meals for the three days we were there. It was safe because we went with three other couples so it was cool. A relationship never developed but we remained very good friends and hung out together until we both started serious relationships with other people. If I ask you out, I feel obligated to show you a good time and do something that we both enjoy. You're right it doesn't cost alot of money to have a good date you just have to be creative. If I want to kill two birds with one stone I'll offer to cook for my date. I can make a good first impression with my culinary skills plus I get to save money by not going out to dinner. Going out on a date is different than seriously dating. For me "seriously dating" is "good old-fashioned" courting. Must folks have don't understand the seriousness of courting. In court evidence is presented, examination / cross examination takes place and summation is given in hopes of establishing the truth of the case. The samething should take place when you're seriously dating, so you can make the correct decision to get engaged and marry or go your separate ways, based on solid facts. Sad to say it, too many people are into playing games and trying to see how much they can get out of the next person and this make people sometime overly cautious and rightfully so. It's natural that people are very hesitant about going out on dates and being expected spend too much of their hard earned money and this suspicion keeps many from seriously dating.
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takinitall says:Posted: 17 May 10
@ No Player Thank God, you didn't go to Italy with her. Your ghetto insticnts kicked in and led you to do the right thing. I know you saw misert right. ;). Plus with all these abductions in the world and sex rings who knows what she would have done. But real talk, that's why I respect you and love you for who you are! @ M Elliot Well like my grandmother allways says "don't start something, you are not going to finish". For me I have certain things I expect and need from a partner. I feel that as a woman, I would not respect a man I have to buy. I also don't see a reason to buy a man. Women contribute alot to the first date. Yes we show up, but even before that we have to get hair, nails, makeup, dressed and sometimes childcare. These things alone could easily run us $100 for one evening, compared to the guys $10 hair cut and jeans. But, even more a woman contribute's grace, feminity and an opportunity to the man. As a lady she should be treated as such, and made to feel as though you are putting yourself out there for her. It's just like with animals, the men are competing for the women. It's no secret that women have the choice to be or not to be with someone rather they realize it or not. If you asked a lady to prepare something for your first date, she may not have an issue with it. But I personally can't fry chicken :), so we would be SOL there. Just be real with them and say "hey I don't have much money, but we can do something light." If a guy is going to pretend he has the money, why get mad at the woman for ordering without restrictions. Just be real from the start and we will not have any issues. If a woman is truly interested in you, she will respect you even more.
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 16 May 10
@ takinitall No I didn't accept her offer to pay my way to Italy, I was kind of spooked by the offer being we had only known eachother for two months. I wasn't used to women making those kinds of offers and I felt she may have had a hidden motive because things like that just didn't happen to me where I was from. I just didn't believe at the time that a woman could like a man that much to do something like that for him and not have a hidden agenda. I started having "hood" flashbacks. LMAO I'm not into women giving me "things", I enjoy it more when a women will give me her time. I'll admit I've always been a fool for a woman who can cook because as busy as women are today with their careers and what not, to find a woman that's willing to spend her time to cook you a meal say's more that anything she could ever charge on credit card. When a woman shows that she's willing to do little things for me, I find it so easy to want to do big things for her. A damn good woman will make you want to "Man Up"!
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m.elliot says:Posted: 16 May 10
Noplayer You make some great points I would defiantly respect a woman who offered to chip in on her half of the first date and continued to pay her way until we established a substantial dating relationship instead of just casual dating. I do think there is a difference between a 1 time first date and an agreement between two parties to build a future together through dating. Until something is established I would have to agree that nobody owes anyone anything . For all we know as men we might be the first in a series of dates she has planned over the course a week. Takinitall You also made a great point, that men should try to more creative in their approach to a first date. But babe I keep hearing the he should buy line. He should do this, he should do that. I thought that dating in itself was a group effort in which both parties equally plan and contribute which bring my question. What exactly do women consider contributing to a first date and how is their contribution even minimally equal to that of a mans? Men are expected to plan the date and pay for it, but what exactly do women contribute. All that I have been able to come up with is that women get dressed and show up for the date. Is that really equality? That a woman’s contribution to a first date is only her presence. Doesn’t it give off a sort of cocky vibe as if to say that a man should just be happy you decided to come out with him and grace him with your presence. I do think that all men are happy that a woman showed up, but is tat enough that she show up? I mean a man also shows up to so is their anything a woman is actually contributing to the date that the man is not? History is important because if you don’t know history it can often be misinterpreted Traditionally in American history a woman would prepare a picnic basket of fried chicken, baked beans. Cole slaw, and apple pie for a first date picnic with a man. The man would pick the woman up take her to a park and they would eat and get to know one another and the man would either treat her to a movie or milkshakes or a drive through the country side. This is an example of a historical traditional contribution of a woman on a first date. History deems that women have always made significant contributions to the first date process. In Islamic cultures a woman who is interested in getting to know a man will prepare a meal and invite his family to meet hers as they share the feast. The man will bring a desert or other contributions to the meal. Historically the first date process has always been one of a dual and equal contribution made by a man and a woman to the first date. Thus when an American woman say’s that “they are old fashion regarding a first dates” they have completely misstated Traditional American dating history regarding a woman traditional first date contribution because there is no basis in Traditional American dating history for what they propose. What women are actually saying is they are modern daters regarding dating because these ideas of a man paying for the first date and a woman just showing as her contribution is Modern American dating history and is relatively something new to American dating history. We only need look back at American Traditional dating to realize that perhaps their was something to a woman contribution to the first date that made dating more successful in Traditional American history than present day Modern American dating. A contribution sends a message to the person that you are with that they matter and you have taken to time to acknowledge it by your efforts. In modern dating the act of a woman just showing up say, “ be happy I am in your presence now impress me and maybe you will get a second date”. Two drastically different messages which can tend to lead to two totally different outcomes. Perhaps a return by women to the TRUE and historically accurate American Traditional Old fashion dating will prompt better results then we see in Modern American dating culture. A contribution by both parties. Lastly, I will address male masculinity because as a man I feel so many women have misinterpreted issue without ever including a mans point of view. First I will say with no reservations that no man is ever going to be emasculated by a woman doing things for him such as paying the bill on a date or purchasing certain things for him. If anything that man will feel very special. What women have misinterpreted as emasculation of men is nothing more then the imposition of class level within a relationship which can come from a man or woman. Everyone loves gifts or money, but a problem occurs when such things are given with the imposition of certain demands or stipulations which lower ones sense of self worth and perception. By this I mean that that when one decides to do something for someone such a pay for a meal they should not hold such gifts over that persons head, but give freely. A man is not emasculated by a woman buying him things or doing things for him a man becomes emasculated by a woman doing certain things for him then constantly reminding him of what she had done. It is an affront to human dignity when anyone receives something from anybody then is constantly reminded by the person of the deed. Thus a woman paying for a man does not emasculate the man he is grateful for her contribution. A woman who reminds a man at every turn of the fact that she did this or that for him is what is a blow to his human dignity as would be to anyone. Similarly, a man who reminds a woman that he purchased something for her, or that he paid a bill for her would be a blow to her human dignity. A man does not feel like less of a man because a woman pays for something for him, a man feels like less of a man when the woman sets out to constantly remind and make him feel as if he is not a real man because he did not pay himself. For example observe the movie when “Stella Got Her Grove Back” there is a scene in the restaurant when Stella’s boyfriend Winston did not have enough money on him to pay for the lovely dinner the couple shared. Instead of Stella contributing joyfully she paid for the meal and attacked Winston’s masculinity as a man for his inability to afford the meal and then began to remind Winston of all the things she had paid for over the course of their relationship. This example is classic emasculation of a male in film. Men love and respect women who can chip in and pay for things, but men dislike women who use money as a mechanism to yield power and authority over men in a relationship. Vice versa men who use money as a means of wielding power and authority over women in a relationship are also guilty of attacking the human dignity of a woman. Thus women must not be so quick to judge that a man is emasculated by a woman who is well off financially because it is simply not true. The truth is that both men and women who are financially well off have a much higher tendency to abuse their financial status by wielding it as a symbol of authority over others by shaming them. So women when you break up with a man please stop saying the famous line “ I did this for him, I did that for him, and he did not do anything for me” because in truth by such statements you have reduced the relationship to a series of financial transactions and completely left out the fact of his contributions to the relationship that made you enter into a substantial dating relationship with him in the first place. Therefore, the myth of male emasculation regarding a strong successful woman is nothing but an urban legend told by successful women as a means of finding reason as to why they cant find a man. The truth is Men are not intimidated by women who have money. Men are simply turned off by women who define who they are by their money.
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Sunryze says:Posted: 16 May 10McDonalds date? Well, saving money is one thing, but I really don't dig the idea of taking a date I want to talk to and get to know better to a place full of noisy children, surly teenagers and manic shoppers all in a garishly coloured environment, lol
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takinitall says:Posted: 15 May 10
@ M Elliot I am definitely interested in investing in your restaurant concept. What men have to understand is we just want to feel special, even if it's the first date. The best first date I went on was free. We took a vegetarian cooking class at the community center. We had a good time and it was creative. Yes I will admit Flava of Love got me open. But the reality is the average man can't afford those things. All I ask is that we do something non traditional and thoughtful. I find the movies quite boring for a first date, because we can't interact with each other for hours. I have no problem meeting at a public beach or park for a first date. He can go to subway and buy a $5 footloong for us to share, chips and a soda. He can also buy some disposable cameras for us to take pictures of stuff we like, or bring some paint for us to paint. My point is be creative, not cheap. Unfortunately, too many men are cheap and not very creative. @ No Player So did you let her pay for the trip to Italy? You are right no one owes anybody anything. I feel that even accepting such a gift from someone you aren't involved with is wrong. You don't have to give a woman the red carpet treatment on your first date, but you have to do something. Too many men like to see how far they can get without spending anything. I have a client who appears to be very financially secure looking at his home, car and other things. However, it was all gifts from women who wanted to be with him. You have to keep in mind some women feel they have to buy a mans time and affection. I'm from the old school, and feel he should do for me to the best of his abilities. I am not going to give him elaborate gifts or spend money, but I will do his laundry, help with errands, cook sometimes and comfort him.
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homesteader says:Posted: 15 May 10
I think the Taste / Quality of the food and Service would govern the Success of a First Date .
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homesteader says:Posted: 14 May 10
When a man is not rich of funding / Buffet restaurants offer excellient food , choices and price [ normally under $10.00 per person ] . Drink water in the States it is the healthy way to go . Leave a $5.00 tip and everyone will be Happy / or cook a home cooked meal and show her your talents washing after dinner dishes . Blockbuster rents new movies at a cheaper price / wash your hands , Hehe . Fresh flowers as it is the thought that counts . Impress her / show her you can date and still pay your rent .
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 14 May 10
@ M. Elliot - I've been stationed/lived/worked here in Germany for almost 15 years and I'll tell you it's easy to get used to women being willing to pay not only for their half but sometimes the entire date if they really like you. What man wouldn't be attracted to a woman who shows that she thinks enough of him to be willing to buy him dinner. I once had female offer to pay for us a trip to Italy, it blew me away. It says alot when a man knows that the woman is not out to ride his pockets and it paves the way for mutual respect even if things never get serious between them the respect will always be there. I think alot of European woman understand that going out on a date is different than "seriously dating". @ takinitall - As I've always said until things are serious between me and a woman I don't owe her nothing and she shouldn't feel that she's entitled to the red carpet treatment one the first date just because she's a woman. Once a woman has my heart and she's earned my respect then I'll go above and beyond the call of duty for her but until then she shouldn't be expecting no more than what she's willing to give.
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Mssweetness3 says:Posted: 13 May 10
I agree totally with the author. I just had this experience myself. A guy had added me on my yahoo.. We talked very sparatically then all of the sudden he was hitting me up everywhere. We had several phone conversations and the first time I spoke of us meeting poof he disappeared. Actually told me "I'll call u right back" in the past he called back but not after I mentioned visiting. So I fell victim to the erelationship when i was seeking a relationship. I'm now aware of this and it's a definite lesson learned!!!
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m.elliot says:Posted: 13 May 10
You make a very good point Takinittall, men can creative and find less expensive ways to attempt etablish a significant dating relationship with a woman. In my parents days it use to be that sharing a hot fudge sunday at the local hamurger joint was a date, but in these days it just seems that a lot more is expected of men on a first and sometimes only date which can prove to be quite expensive. What happened to the days when it was the excitement of just seeing a person and spending time with them on the first date taking taking a walk and just sharing a bananna split. Although a walk on the beach and a nice chat does sound great for a first date walking does build up quite an appetite. Thankfully most beaches in America today are well prepared by establishing some of the most expensive seafood restaurants in the country to cater to those fun in the sun appetities. As a matter of fact the top 20 seafood restaurant in America are located on Amerian beaches which will put a rather large dent in the bank account of any middle class mortgage paying gent. It might prove quite difficult to ask a woman companion to leave those fancy restaurants behind and grab something more affordble like Denny's or Steak & Shake on a first date. The picnic idea sounds like a great idea though, but dosn't homemade sandwiches, potatoe chips, and sode pop make a fellow come off as a bit of a penny pincher on a first date? Plus going to a wooded park on the first date with a stranger can seem a little Blair Witch Project creepy if you know what I mean. However I have come up with a solution. All entrepenurial men out their I propose a novel concept for any gent with a business acumen. A chain of restaurants called "First Date". This chain should cater to great first date impression such as gourmet foods, pre-date flower orders, and Highly discounted high end wine, and of course gourmet deserts all for a reasonable dinner package price of $20. Of course an upgrade to a table side violin player and the date pickup limo package would be an extra $10. The best part is if she doesn't call afer the date you arent sour for re-mortgaging your house to pay for a first date to impress her. No, seriously though the cost of dating market has shot up drastically over the years and the expectations of what what constitutes a great first date are more crucial then ever. This is largely due in part not only to the tv shows many view of mens dashing expensive romantic gestures, but the market is also driven large in part by dating competition. In an effort to seperate themselves from the rest of potential pack of suitors competing for that desireable ladies hand men find themselves spending into a hole to impress her on what they consider their 1 shot at a date interview. The thing I hear so many women say is, " In the beginning everything was great. We use to go out dinners, movies, Clubs or bars, travel ect... and then we stopped doing those things a few months in and the romance died". Was it the fact that the romance died or his credit card was maxed out over the process of courting the woman. Financial stresses can lead to a lack of romance in a partner which then extends to a lack of romance in the overall relationship. One can only maintain a standard of living higher then their salary pays out for a certain period of time. Thus when the bubble does finally burst a lack of romance or excitement cited by women might actually be a reversion to that mans true financial lifestyle. Thus, is it wrong to suggest an honest mans wages be spent from the beginning on sharing a hot fudge sunday at steak and shake, McDonalds, or two tickets to the dollar movies? Cnsider this ladies, t least he is being consistent and you wont be evicted from th cloud 9 of love because he went bankrupt. Finally, we must rememeber that a first date is not one in which most would feel comfortable taking a walk in the park with a practical stranger or sitting on a beach. For personal safety one might usually prefer such first encounters to be made in secure public venues which is usually where the expenses for many men come in. What many women consider to be acceptable first date public food at Chain restaurants for exmple Fridays, cost much more then the McDonalds dates of my parents days. Is the McDonalds dates which brought so many loving couples together in maritial bliss no longer suitable for todays dating? When did the cost of a date define the date itself as being unworthy? Why is it offensive for a man to spend his honest earned money at Mcdonalds for a date? Does a choice of food for a date which is cheaper and fits his budget make a man less of a man? Or have many women become so caught up in the commercialization of dating that were they are taken is of more importance then who they are with? Their is no such thing as a free lunch, but perhaps if we Americans can reorganize our tradtitonal cultural models and move towards the less expensive first dating zone we can trim the cost a bit. By this last statement I posit that women could be more intrical in taking some of the financial burden off men by suggesting or even persuassively organizing first dates which result in little if any expenditure of a man financial capitol. For example a woman can plan a first encouter that is between $15-$20. The result is that a man would not feel pressured to spend money he dosnt have to make a good impression on a date and women if he dosn't receive a callback he can still affod to pay his mortgage next month.
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Takeila says:Posted: 13 May 10I agree with Kanzan, it is usually the other way around. I know I have an old photo, lol but I also have a few updated ones too. Men hide girlfriends, wives, kids and (for some)other men. . . I know a female who thought that she would use pictures of her friends just to talk to guys. Well come to find out a guy swore up and down he knew me from a picture and he told me the whole story. What I couldn't believe is that she actually thought she could get away with looking absolutely nothing like the picture. I guess she thought they would have fallen in love with her and wouldn't care when they saw her.
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takinitall says:Posted: 13 May 10
@ M. Elliot You need to hurry up and return to the states, because I don't want you to assimilate and accept that part of the UK's culture. I'm sorry I am independent, with a co dependent personality. I am not paying for our first date or any date unless it's a special day. I feel that women paying for things, immasculates a man. I also feel that many men want to enter into a physical relationship with a woman without spending. Call it what you like, but I think it's rediculous for a woman to be intimate with a man who can't do anything for her. I also hate when a guy tries to pull the Starbucks game on a first date. Give the woman the option of doing multiple things. If you don't have much money, take her to the beach and have a picnic. You can also plan to take a class at the community center. Bottom line is most women are not payers and the ones who are do not want to be. We all have roles in life, and I am comfortable taking mine. I am willing to submit and serve the man who provides and takes care of me.
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spirit773 says:Posted: 13 May 10
There are alot of countries in 'Europe' each with its own very diverse cultural mores as regards male/female relatiomships.I live in England and I find it a little odd that anyone could speak with such authority about dating expectations across the whole of Europe. As to virtual suitors ,on-line dating can be mine field and it calls for vigilance. In some profiles the clues are right there in front of you.Now,whether or not we choose to 'see' them is another matter entirely.
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lovely2see says:Posted: 11 May 10
No, I think the author had it right on. Some of the guys I met in the past looked absolutely nothing like the pics they sent and one did send a pic of someone else. I agree women can be just as deceptive but from personal experience its been within the masculine realm...I'm not claiming to be a knockout but I do post recent pics of myself so there isn't any personal moments of extreme shock. This is in addition to being honest about everything. I've conversed with men who cannot control their lying even after being caught...Seriously, how can the element of trust take place if everything that is shared is based upon shattered glass.
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m.elliot says:Posted: 07 May 10
Sorry about the grammer was rushing to get this out before I leave for the night.
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m.elliot says:Posted: 07 May 10
As this is a part of he site is for discussion I would like now to suggest a possible topic for discussion and open for vehement and robust debate. Paying for a first date: Currently I have been residing in Europe more specifically the Uk, London. On my first date here last summer when the bill came my head was spinning at the fact that the English ound was almost double the dollar. The bill came up to 40£ whch at the time was almost $80 American for a one course meal in a french cafe. Needless to say I went for my wallet and laid out the £40. my date immediately insited that she pay for her half of the meal. That is when she explained to me that in Europe on a first date the custom is that both people pay for their own meals seperately. I was in comlete shock. So i asked her why and she explained: She explained that on a first date it 2 people are feeling each other out and getting to know each other. That until a woman in Europe enters into a dating relationship with a man it is unfair to have men paying for dinner, movies, drinks ect.... She explained that only when the couple enter into a actual relationship will the woman allow the man to pay for her half of the date. However, until then the woman chooses to pay her own way. She also said that oftentimes women will just be dating which means seeing several men as social companions over the course of time, but not actually entering into a relationship with one specific guy. She said that it would be unfair to expect these men to pay for dates when you are not serious about any of them. Laslty, she explained that from a feminist perspective if women can go around saying that they financially support themselves then tey should have no issue with paying for their half of a date especially when they have not yet committed themselves to being in a relationship with a man. She explained that European women beleive unlike American women that the overall notion that a man is not chilvarious is he does not pay for a woman on early dates is nothing more than women taking advantage of a situation and using it as an excuse not to pay. She suggested that even though a woman in America brags about the fact that she can pay for her half of the date does not necessairly mean she is willing too and as long as American men allow women to take advantage of the situation they will find themselves constantly taking women out on date where they spend money only to end up never seeing her again . So i pose the question for the group from a male perspective. If dating is suppose to be an investment between 2 people with the expectation that the person you are taking out will eventually agree to a future relationship, is it right for American women to expect men io bear the brunt of the financial burden or should women be expected to pay for their half until they are willing to make a more solid commitment. Also is it right for a woman who is just dating, but not looking to get into a relationship to allow men to pay the full bill for these dates or do women have a moral obligation in America to pay for their half when they know that the person they are out with has no future with them. In essence is it morally right to allow a man to allow you to use him even if he does snot know any better. Should American women only allow the men to pay when they are actually ina relationship. Lastly, does a man have a right to be upset or feel used if he takes a woman out on a date he pays for and the woman never calls him again? Have women used the term chilvary as a means of avoiding a moral obligation to pay for dates until they are serious enought to get into a relationship ith somone. I would like to hear both side to this as i think it is a very interesting topic. As for me I have become adjusted to the European model and love it. Upon my return to America soon I wont be paying for anymore dates until I am actually in a relationship with a woman. This might be a loss of opportunity for me in dating many American women, but i figure if a American woman is really serious about me she will not rush me and will wait until I am ready and feel comfortable enough to pay (sound familiar guys lol). So in closing i wouldlike everyone to chime in and tell me what your opinions are. Also it is not relevant that you were in a relationship with someone in did all rhese things for them when you were in the relationship. I am simply talking about the road to a relationship here not was occurs once in a relationship.
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bigeyes31 says:Posted: 07 Jul 11
Just different cultures. When in Rome.....:-)
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m.elliot says:Posted: 07 May 10
Online dating is still a fairly new concept for many people and to others living in the stone age there is still a certain taboo to it that has resulted in a cultural of unfounded urban legends and stereotypes having very little basis in reality. The first step to avoiding e-daters is to avoid those who have a mental block up to online dating you wont convert them so why waste your time trying to convince them otherwise. Secondly all online dating sites are not created equal, but the best dating site can be said to operate on incentives for those who use the site to actually date and enter into the endless chatting zones on the road to nowhere. For example: This interracial dating site allows non-paying members for free to the privilege of endlessly surf the site, send unlimited flirts to anyone, and even return emails messages. They offer absolutely no incentive for non-paying members to become members and therefore abuse of the site by non-paying members begins. People are motivated by incentives and if there is no incentive involved then they are less likely to be motivated. For example a person who has unlimited access to free food will be more likely to waste more food then someone who must pay for it. Similarly, someone paying their hard earned money for this site will be more likely to make full use of the site for its intended then those who are non-paying members who have unlimited free access to the site at their disposal who will abuse the intended purpose of the site. Some possible suggestions for making this site a more credible dating site and halting the decay of the sites reputation would be a block on all non-members from creating profiles, flirting with paying members, or returning messages sent by paying members. Allowing all non members to scan the sites profiles but not participate in the sites communication capabilities will offer a valuable incentive for them to pay to become members. By not allowing non-members to create profiles anymore they will be more likely to also sign up and take he site more serious instead of a popularity ego boosting contest many of the non-paying members use it for. Lastly, by keeping on-paying members outside of the activities of the interracial dating site you create a more serious medium for paying members to actually find other paying members who want to meet. Also it may be possible to place a link on the site that allows for paying members to only be contacted or view the profiles of paying members. If a non-paying member wishes to contact a paying member they will have an incentive to pay for the site and do so. Sadly, this site has not yet realized that if you don’t make the necessary improvement for your customers they will go elsewhere thus it is likely that the site will keep allowing the status quo to exist for non-paying members. However, there are several ways to avoid being sucked in by n e-dating relationship member whether they be a paying or non paying member. First it must be again acknowledged that for many online dating still has a certain taboo. The first thing to do is to watch out for “RED FLAGS” and run away like they have the plague when you see them. An e-dater can only e-date you as long as you enable them to. First I will address this whole taboo conspiracy of online dating. there are many out their who base their logic on the illogical presumption that people online are somehow different from those in the public forums they enter on a daily basis. This argument is quickly quashed by the reality that everyday all over the world people leave their house and hop on subways, buses, or trolleys. They enter into malls, huge shopping centers, markets, they even attend concerts, or eat at restaurants all full of millions of people that are complete strangers and yet they do it without once thinking of some taboo conspiracy because they don’t personally know everyone in the public forum they share with strangers. It is a complete contradiction for someone to say that they cant meet 1 person they chatted with for a date, but they can go shopping by themselves at a huge mall full of thousands of complete strangers, or go eat at a restaurant alone for lunch with in a room full of strangers. When you hear those kinds of comments online that is a RED FLAG cease and desist chat with that person it wont go anywhere. For in reality the same person you might be chatting with online could have been the same person standing behind you in line at Wal-Mart or Starbucks earlier that day. Secondly, 1 conversation is all that is needed online to arrange a date. Not weeks or months 1 simple conversations is all. Nobody runs into another single person at Wal-Mart, engages in a conversation and then says “I really enjoyed our conversation perhaps we can chat another time at Wal-Mart.” In reality you would arrange a time and place during the conversation to meet for a date and of course exchange contact info. This also applies to online dating if a person is interested they will arrange for a date to pursue that interest not another online chat in the unforeseeable future. Thus when you encounter someone online who suggest further online chatting instead of meeting for a date RED FLAG cease and desist further conversation with them they are not here to e-date. 1 Conversation is all that is necessary to find out if a person is date worthy and what their intentions are. The longer you chat online the less chance you have of ever meeting and the more chance you have of wasting your time on something that never was. Thirdly, one must learn to listen to what the other is saying. Buzz words or phrases can also tell a lot about a persons intentions online. For example statement such “I would like to chat and get to know you better first before we meet” “I am a real busy person” “I was going to go out with my friends with weekend” “thanks you for the invitation but I am staying in this weekend (to chat online)” or “ perhaps another time we can get together” or “lets get to know each other better first” are statements of ambiguity which clearly show that an person is not really trying to date but chat endlessly online. If you cannot lock a person down to a time and place to actually meet during that first conversation they are not online to date, but waste your time with endless chat. This is a RED FLAG cease and desist conversation with them. Remember an e-dater only has the power to e-date that you enable them with. Do not give them the luxury of endless chat past one conversation and they are powerless. Fourth, the point of a date is to find out more about a person. Those seeking to convey their whole life story online are setting themselves up on the road to nowhere in a conversation. Online dating is not designed for two people to go on the date online it is designed simply for one to meet the person online and arrange a future date. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into mundane online chat because again the more in depth the online chatting becomes the more comfortable an e-dater becomes with keeping the relationship online and not in person. Hence again why the one conversation rule is so important. Get the basics info of the person, arrange a meeting, get the contact info and get off. Besides if you find out everything about s person online the less you have to discuss on if you make it to a date. Thus a RED FLAG should pop up if the person you are chatting with does not wish to set up a time and place to find out more about. Fifth, it must also be mentioned that the purpose of online dating is to find 1 person to date not 20. Therefore, if the person suggest that they are chatting with several people presently including you this is also a RED FLAG that clearly is a sign that the person is not focused on finding one person, but is just chatting. When a person is interested in dating they take the time to only get to know one person. They explore the options with that person before moving to another. So if you find that the person is not focused on only getting to know you RED FLAG because that person is not serious about meeting you they are only here for chat. In reality you don’t need to chat with more than 1 person at a time. Either you interested in a person or your not, but an e-chater will keep several people around to chat with which is a clear sign they are not here to date but to chat. Sixth, it must be stated without any reservations that online dating is designed for the purpose of seeking out individuals not sitting back and waiting for them to seek you out. If one sits back and wait to be chosen then you will get only that which chooses you. Those who are actually interested in dating will be aggressive and seek out a potential dating partner. Those who complain about not finding anything online oftentimes are the ones sitting back waiting to be sought after. If you sit around waiting for something to happen the only thing that will happen is what world will pass you by and your circumstances will not have changed. So if you are serious about actually finding someone then one of life’s necessities is to be realistic. Nobody is going to wait around for you to take your time to meet them. If a you are walking down a road and see a diamond on the side of the street, you would not say, “ I will pick it up later” you will grab it immediately. Online dating is the same if you meet a person who has the qualities you desire chances are lot of other people are also interested in that same person. The determination on who get the diamond and who doesn’t oftentimes comes down to who picks it up and who wait to get it later. Those who choose to chat will always find themselves undercut by those who choose to meet. In essence if you offer no incentive but chat as a way of keeping someone’s attention in online dating you will eventually end up chatting by yourself. Nobody wants to spend a weekend chatting while they could be out on a date with good company. Finally, Planes, trains, and automobiles. The world has become much smaller and now more then ever affordable travel is at a premium by air. This misconception that you cannot see someone who does not reside in the same state, country, or city as you is illogical. Deals on airfare are always out their and splitting the cost makes it even cheaper for people to connect. It might require in some cases sacrifices of both parties, but such sacrifices are worth it when it comes to finding love. For example downgrading a premium cable package, getting a basic cell phone plan, spending less money on gas, eating out less, cutting your own hair (men), doing your own manicure (women), cutting back on expensive clothing shopping, eating out less, buying drinks at happy our or getting to a club early are all creative ways of collecting bi-weekly plane fare. My permanent home is in Orlando, Florida although I currently live in London. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people in mid or north Florida talk about their weekend trips down to Miami where they spend $400 or more for a hotel room for 2 days, $200 for food, $100 or more for clubbing. I have frequently told them that what they spent for a 3 hour trip to Miami is the price of a place ticket to beautiful South Africa where they could vacation and dine and club in hotels, eateries, and clubs much nicer than anything Miami has to offer for $30 American dollars a week. How one spends their money and what they spend it on is all relative. One can purchase a McDonalds happy meal upgrade for around $6 or have a much nicer lunch at Chilies lunch specials or Olive Garden for the same price. In essence distance is no excuse to not meeting as it has been explained that travel can easily be affordable with a few minor adjustments. In closing limiting the online dialogue to 1 conversation, spotting for RED FLAGs, and not enabling e-daters to use you for ego boost or mundane chat or allowing them to trick you into chat with ambiguous statements of hope fora futre meeting can cut their exposure on this site.
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gjones66216 says:Posted: 07 May 10Kanzan, I think that the author was just laying possible scenarios for the point. Men will think that women are the culprits, women will think that the men are. How often do we look at profiles and meet the people of the sex that we are NOT interested in dating. I would challenge the time line of meeting, 2-4 weeks only because right now, I am beginning to engage in a long distance relationship and between my teens, my job and the cost of air fares, my counterpart and I agreed that my business related trip would be soon enough. It will be 5 weeks from first communication to first meeting, and we are good with it. Bottom line, in elationships and relationships, honesty matters. Be upfront with what you want and if the interest has different wants, and you can't bridge the divide, graciously move on.
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Kanzan says:Posted: 07 May 10
I think the author had the two switched around. Women are the ones that routinely post outdated photos and the men are usually the married ones. Then again, Im reading this from a male perspective. I have lived so many horror stories through online dating Im surprised I even bothered with this site. Ive had a paid membership 3 times and never met anyone once (now if I only lived in NYC......) ~W
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rarestgold says:Posted: 07 May 10
I think the question was "Would I entertain an "elationship" - sure. Why not? Its very obvious to me that I can't have much more than an "e" relationship with a guy in California (I'm in MD). Particularly because I'm pretty sure the chance that he's going to get on a plane just to meet me are slim. It is a good way to spend a little time while you're waiting on Mr. Right to come along. As long as everyone is clear on that, how can there be a problem?
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RaptureOpal says:Posted: 06 May 10
I have seen at times how some collect trophies and it's so sad to see how inadequate they are to do this... To deceive in a way to inflict undue hurt to people they are deceiving themselves the most with their inadequately...
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takinitall says:Posted: 05 May 10
OMG! This is such a true post. I have met a couple of people online in person and some have been very unique. I met my "soul mate" once on yahoo personals and he dodged meeting me for almost a year. The funny thing is we went to the same University and were both Biology majors. Here's the kicker when we finally met, he was physically handicapped. Not that I'm that shallow, but that's something you tell someone up front. I met another guy who lied about his height and said he was 6'1" in fact he is only 5'1". My favorite was the guy who posted a picture of someone else and said that people tell him they favor. Bottom line is everyone is not going to like you, but keep it honest up front and roll from there. One may concede that it's best to meet men in person, but I feel it doesn't matter where you meet them. The internet allows us to cast our net further in the world to find our better half.
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bellara says:Posted: 05 May 10
Online dating is just the same as offline dating. Ignore the fact that in online dating you have the chance to scope through multiples of people at once and expand your search. The sameness lies in the fact that in both type of dating, you are CLUELESS as to who a person is (true identity). You go by their words till you have a reason to do otherwise. Some people engage in unhealthy amount of e-activity (e-dating) for instance because they enjoy the fact that they can talk to as many number of people as they want without having to leave their house. Some people are suckers offline (can't approach anyone, tough luck meeting people directly offline, etc), so when they have that little control of WHO they want to meet, HOW many they want to meet & WHEN to meet, they: 1. Freak out! 2. Get a little boost of esteem 3. A sense of importance (OMG look at all this people trying to get "at" me). 4. They feel a sense of revenge>since they are hardly approached directly offline, they might as well toy with other people online. ADVICE: The maximum period of time you should talk to someone before meeting should be 2wks minimum & 1 month max. Why? Because talk is cheap! You canNOT establish any real connection till you communicate person to person. Person-to-person communication can show you how much connection you have with the person on many different levels (be it sexual, emotional, etc...) Because when you spend so much time talking to someone without establishing that person-to-person connection,chances are you will never meet or one of you is will lose interest while the other is bound to get hurt emotionally.
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blckbeauty08 says:Posted: 04 May 10
I agree with the author, it seems that there are several that are online just to entertain the thought of having someone complementing them and getting attention. It's funny because it appears that you get suitors from different states then the ones in your own area, could they have something to hide? Perhaps. However the continuous email tag game is what gets me, if you really want to get to know someone you eventually give them a number to call you, the whole idea of online dating is to actually meet a person eventually, not collect trophies as some do.
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Coaching Testimonial
"My online love inspiration angel"
Submitted by: Patricia, USA, 21
To be honest, in the beginning, I thought it would be a waste of time. But since I've never seen a similar service in any other dating site, I decided to give it a try.
I always "thought" my profile was on point and I did not need any help to correct my page. I always had in my profile if someone is not attracted to my profile, then that's "their" loss.
BOY WAS I WRONG!!
I will never forget my first time using the Coaching Service I was introduced to my personal Dating Coach. Let me put it this way, if it was not for her I would have given up long time ago (even though I'm a new member).
She taught me so many things and gave me good advice, I did not want to stop chatting with her at all.
She opened my eyes to many possibilities when finding love. She is definitely an inspiration and I appreciate a whole lot. She is more than a Dating Coach to me; she is more of a close friend/guide to me. She is definitely my "online love-inspiration angel".
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The author brings up valid points. Internet connections allow us to create and control our image, contact, communication and to an extent,we also control the ability of another person to make an informed decision regarding their level of involvement with us. If we pay close attention, internet dating actually shows us much more about ourselves than others. To a degree it's all about deception--even to the point of deceiving ourselves. Seriously, think about it.We answer some questions,post an essay then sit and wait.Some essays are the same for a person on multiple sites and haven't been changed or edited in YEARS! People change--WE change!So our profiles, pictures and attitudes should reflect growth, changes in our likes, dislikes, expectations, as well as our life statuses. We present stale images of ourselves and expect something fresh to come of it. Ain't THAT ridiculous?! E-lationships are more like a Harlequin Romance Novel into which we've been written! It's a VIRTUAL REALITY. The endorphins produced are our own creation. I mentor other E-lationship Seekers to understand that the emails, flirts,chats, etc are actually introductions. No matter how much time you invest online with an E-date(r), it's a superficial introduction. You are acquaintances and nothing more. When you finally make face time, that's a NEW INTRODUCTION, not a continuation of an E-lationship. You'll feel differently, perceive differently and even communicate differently. IT'S DIFFERENT!! If it works it'll be because of the Real-Time interaction NOT the E-Time interaction. There's a reason that 25, 50 & 75 year marriages work--it's about REAL TIME, FACE TIME AND LOTS OF IT. Brings "KEEPIN' IT REAL to a whole new level, huh?