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Are you in an interracial dating site to date your own?

Posted by Ria, 05 Nov

interracial dating siteWhy are you a member of this interracial dating site? Well, as most of us would assume, it’s because you want to date interracially. I mean, it’s an interracial dating site, right?

OkCupid – an online dating site – analyzed messaging habits of almost a million of its members. They came up with some very interesting findings: one being that your race determines whether you will get a response to messages you send out to other members you are interested in.

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Some of the findings are:

  • Black women are the best respondents. They are more likely to reply to a first message from another member. However, they get the fewest replies. In essence, all races single them out (sad as it is to say) - even black men.

  • White men get the most responses – from women of all ethnicities. Irony is: they are the worst respondents to messages sent to them.

  • White women – much as they have an above-average compatibility with men of almost all ethnicities – respond much better to white men. Asian and Hispanic women utterly prefer white men. The rate of reply of these three groups of women to non-white men is terrible. What’s more; even though very few people considered interracial marriage a bad idea, 45% of whites prefer to date within their race, compared to 20% of non-white (with 54% of white women preferring to date white men).

Could these findings be true for this site – that underneath, a significant number of members on our interracial dating site still prefer dating members of their own race? And does race really determine ones success or failure on an interracial dating site?

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144 responses to "Are you in an interracial dating site to date your own?"

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  1.   nic281 says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 09

    This is so sad, That people still make race an issues, I lived in Paris France and also England from a kid till I move to the United States 10 years ago and I can tell you people are more open about dating outside the races than here. Why because in certain countries in Europe people or more open minded and it's not all about race but about feelings, Love, Understanding etc and just being happy with who you are as a person black or white most Americans or not because their society makes them feel that it's not cool, but how can you as a country grow if you still divided by race, you might be the richest nation but you still behind on the race issues and until people start letting go of past hurt and learning from past mistakes you will never build the races not even with a black man in the white house.....

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  2.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 09

    I Believe ; Global warming and high unemployment rates are the cause of over-population alas Only my Belief . And yes , we , My wife and I came saw and conquered each other from different Heritages . Written by a long standing Successful member of this site who while on the streets of America only sees Happy people . There is Good and Bad in all persons / The Devil in me made me do it Hehe .

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  3.   melliot says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 09

    Pumpkin I do understand your ideals, but I urge you to consider that history is written by the conqueror. Therfore, when gathering a view of a community historically you need to look at both sides the side of the conqueror and the conquered or colonized. Now you speak of these mythological ideals of chilvary espoused in the European commuunity, yet you completely skip over the femenist movement in which women were not allowed to work, own property, or even have bank accountsin western society. In contrast within the Islamic culture of the middle east the prophet Mohammed’s wife was know as a shrewd business woman who owend several businesses as did virtually all islamic women long before western culture even evolved. Within Judaism which is also a culture of the east women worked oftentimes harder than men in several feilds for example the buying and selling produce on the open market and investing they were stock brokers of their days while their men farmed and tilled the soil in the feilds their wives used heir minds to invest capitol. In Asian culture women have always played a significant role in business and in African traditional culture it is the woman not the man who would take the crops and bargain and women are held to be the wise mothers of the community whom everyone listens to. Lets not forget that during slavery African American women were considered to be the strong glue that held the group of plantations slaves together and oftentimes kept men slaves from doing something whih might have them killed. In essennce women in all of the cultures were in-fat the de-facto leaders of the households and men are in many cases second in command. I would urge you to wach a rather hilarious documentary done about the women of Iran in which they ofen divorce their husbands and marry other men at the blink of an eye leaving their poor husbands crying and begging for them to come back. Furthermore you must rememeber that it is women in the middle east not men who enforce the wearing of clothing that cover the body and the hair or face. Women decide on the dress guidelines and even tell their men what time they need to be home. That is not to say that women ar enot victims of domestic abuse in those societies like American women, but a signifiant difference in their socities is the whole faily will track you donw if you lay your hands on their female family member. That being said we would all like to beleive that the European pilgrims got off the ships and lived side by side in peace with the Native Americans in peace but that is simply not true. Rape murder, slavery and ethnic cleansing by European men were frequent tools used to expand Europes seeding of territory in early America. We would all like to beleive that the savage Africans as depited in Tarzan were starving in the jungle and depressed until one day men from Europe arrived and offered the depressed African men and women free cruises to America and jobs with subsidized housing when they arrived, however the reality was millions of Africans were stripped away from their villages, women and little boys and girls were raped, afrians were beaten starved, tortured and often cast with weighted chains into the sea when slave ships overestimated their cargo rations. We would all like to beleive that the Thomas Jefferson and Sallie Hennings love story story was the norm for European and African sexual encounters during slavery in America, but sadly rape of black women and children by overseers, slave masters, or guest of the plantations owners who needed what they referred to as a slave wenh bed warmer was a normal occurene during the period. In contrast we would all like to beleive that Shaka Zulu was anoble African prince who expanded the Zulu nation aross Africa and set up trades routes, military universitites, and United Southern Afria under one empire creating honorable men and women, but sadly Shaka Zulu was nothing more than a blood thirsty genocidal maniac who sought the ethnically cleanse South Africa of any Africans who were not of the Zulu tribe through rape and mass executions oftntimes through impaling thousands of men, women, and children at one time. Shacka was boderline Hitler before their was a Hitler, but again he who writes history determines how the story will be told. Shaka today is represented in Africa as a hero and one of the great kings of Africa. In contrast we would all like to beleive the great stories that the American Indians were a peaceful people living in perfect harmony of the land, but long before Europeans ever arrived tribal wars and anihilation of villages were a frequent occurence. Lastly we would all like to beleive in the chilvary of Alexander conquest to bring civilization to the heathen and savage people of the Babelonian empire who's city had indoor plumbing, air condition created by a a hydroelectric system, and massive trade routes. However the truth is Alexander in a onquest to gain fame among the Greeks set out to conquer, rape, pillage, and enslave people from North Africa all the way to Asia. Lastly Ghengis Khan was also a chilvarious person in his also genocidial conquest across Asia and parts of Europe. Oh and lets not forget Romes policy of slavery or burn your village to the gorund and execute everyone. This all being said history is written by those who control the medium to exploit it. Your impressions of European men being grounded in this mythical chilvary is straight out of a Charleotte Bronson classical novel, but has absolutely not fatual basis behind it. If the invention of the video and dvd sex industry, organized prostitution, date rape drugs, and girls gone wild is putting women oh a pedestal then I honestly would like to know where your base to this pedestal is. Similarly, black men are in no better position with the exploitation of woemn in music videos and their outward denegration of women through their music and speech. Men no matter what race exploit women. You have confused what you have read in romance novels and watched on tv with reality. Now lets talk some reality. You live in Napels Florida whih is know as a huge drug corridior in Florida. You happen to be located in a place where many Black men have a better chance of getting life in prison than finishing high school. Naples is a violent area which is largely know for the violent black on black crime. It would seem to me that men born into a hostile enviorment woul tend to be a produt of their enviorment without proper guidance to stay clear of such nonsense. Just like black women raised in such enviorments might become a product of suh an enviorment. I dare not say without having met you that you like many black women in Naples have gold teeth, pink or green hair, 3 kids by different men all of whom are in prison and are on welfare and at hostile if asked a simple question. I dare not say that because I wont group you ar eany woman into a box based on a stereoype of a culture whih is sily not true. Regarding your inacurate depition of Jewish men once again you have taken a personal expereince and applied it to the whole. As a Jew I see no difference in their treatemnt of women than any other race but because you had a few good experiences with Jewish men you have put them in the acceptable category. The fallacy of your logi is what happens when you have a string of bad experiences with Whie or Jewish men will you then cut then off and make stereotypical comments to apply to all JEwish or White men or do you only apply stereotypial comments to ethnic groups that are non-European or Jewish? Be consistent!

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  4.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    @32bookworm, I'm sorry to read you've had all these negative experiences. For myself, I would study profiles, very carefully-for what they say and what they don't. Does the man advertise superficial things or activites or is he telling you about his character and his values? For my profile, I made it clear and upfront that I'm a practicing Christian and that I was looking for someone at least leaning in that direction. I'm sure that was a big turn-off to many in the "strictly for a fling" crowd. And when he writes you, he's going to give you clear hints as to what he values. And if those values aren't in almost complete alignment with yours, then he isn't the one. Hope this helps.

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  5.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    @ceryndipity, It's certainly nice that I got your attention (lol) and I got you thinking. At the same time, we'll probably have to agree to disagree on some points. You and I are coming from different experiences. I would also venture a guess that I also speak from many more years of experience-formal and informal, than you. Years before the Internet, even personal computers were concepts, I've been studying and observing the dynamics surrounding race. But now that it's here and this is an inter-racial site, I think it makes for the perfect format for this kind of discussion. I don't make generalizations easily because I know it comes awfully close to the stereotyping that we as African-Americans have suffered so greatly under. I know there is nothing, inherently inferior about any of us. I maintain my assertion that we are all unconsciously very much affected by the cultures we inherit from our ancestors. But I also feel we can evolve beyond them-if we make a concerted effort to do so. As I indicated earlier, as young as I may photograph, I'm no spring chicken. While I appreciate Western European culture's treatment of women, I'm not naive that I would maintain that all white men are white knights in shining armour. That's juvenile, even a little insane. A site like this is going to draw people of varying character who are here for many reasons, some of which are not too positive. A woman must never leave her common sense at the door for any man. @takinitall I was thinking the same thing, my dear. But as they say, it is what it is.

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  6.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    @talnwhite1 You are such a moron!! You are definitely one of those people who sits around and talks about the 'takeover of the white race'. I can see you as a prospect for the Arayan nation. 'The darkies and towel heads are coming to get us...get the shotguns..'.... as he peeks through his blinds! Here are your stats: http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/36/3651000.html NYC is 44.7% white. I said 44%. Your personal attacks are funny! I know how to spell 'ass'. However, you are an 'azz'! All the agencies that you quoted as your source should sue you for using their name. DeeWhizz already used the demographic map link that I was going to include. Did you notice you were correct? Looks like white people only live in Staten Island!! All government agencies are currently requesting that you not use their agencies in any further quotes! But then again, the only people who work their are foreigners and non-whites. I am sure you will tell me that the census stats are false because 99% of the people who work there are black.

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  7.   deewhizz says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    oops 4got to add: There is a very specific answer to the question "where do u keep your white people here in NY?" LMAO you guys kill me, I always knew we were all stacked on top of each other there but I have 2 say I never asked myself how we were arranged by race specifically!? but here it is... http://130.166.124.2/atlas.nyc/ny0b_20.gif

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  8.   deewhizz says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    I don't seek dates here, but I would think that bookworm is correct and a large % are here for some sort of jungle fever thing. The internet is the last place I would seek a mate. Honestly I haven't had to look that far yet(fingers crossed) I was with my black boyfriend when I was introduced to my white husband by a mutual friend which still strikes me as hilarious because I did make a mental note(hmmm, cute, funny) at the time and it is now 12yrs and 3 gorgeous children ltr. I always heard the best place to find a good blk woman was in church. Get going guys,service is about to let out LOL About NYC, there are definitely pockets that are almost exclusively white. Upper East Side, Gramercy Park, Astoria, Bensonhurst, Bayridge(oh GOD I'd never live there again. the house was beautiful but it was like stepping into "Saturday Night fever" in that neighborhood. I got tired of making a beeline for the subway and moved bk to "the city" as every one in the other boroughs calls Manhattan. Whites have been the minority in NYC since the 80's. It is a "majority minority" city. But their number is still dropping. They are 45%, but the city is the most ethnically diverse I've ever lived in by far(constant stream of people from overseas as well)and the percentage feels like less than 45% because all the cultures mixing together is really the soul of the city. Here in MA? I don't know if there is another blk person within 10 miles of me right now and I'm counting the 4 other people in my house right now haha.. I was looking at properties in Manhattan the other day and trying to decide what areas I could stand to get a 2nd place north of 14th st and the demos for the Lower East Side are changing due to gentrification. The white population there is now up to 48% and they appear to have removed almost all the blk people(down to 8%!) Almost all of my friends(white included LOL)and I left over a decade ago. We all loved it there but are scattered across the country because it is unaffordable there now and definitely not the same. NYU is throwing huge institutional looking dorms u all over and ruining the character of a neighborhood w/ such a rich history:(

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  9.   talnwhite1 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    To Mr Whurr on7. Thank you so much for your "education" and "enlightenment" and self justification. Of course based upon facts (you did not cite any accurate facts by the way)) you are wrong. If you can drop your BS political agenda and "I am so educated" attitude you learn for yourself. As for the first comment of "NYC has bitten me in the Azz". Azz is spelled ass. Second, I have lived in this area for over 30 years so I am unable to understand your comment? You seem like you look over the age of 40 from your picture so you might be a little "behind the times". Since you mentioned that the greater NYC area is over 45% white. My question is where? In which boroughs? The only one that I might agree with you is Staten Island. As for Queens and Brooklyn? I am unsure of what planet you are living on. Which specific neighborhoods are you referring to? As for Manhattan, other than the upper east side and maybe possibly upper west it might be 40-50% white. But what aboutharlem, Spanish Harlem, the lower west side lower east etc.? Again I will say just take a trip and check out the neighborhood public schools. There is no way in hell that they are 75% or even 40% white. If we cannot agree on that then you must have some sort of special magical sight powers or something if it is right in front of you. As for the greater US population being 75% white? How is that possible with the 1965 Immigration and National Origin Ac being in place for the past 40 plus years? Check out the Center for Disease Control, the Census Bureau, and better yet the Immigration and Customs enforcement websites. All of these agencies compile relevant date and prove the comments that I made on my previous blog. But again, even if things are right in front of you. Most likely with all of the upstanding degree of higher education that you have, you still most likely will not admit when you are wrong. And please do not tell me you are from NY. If so, you need some new glasses or put down whatever it is that you are smoking or drinking.

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  10.   32bookworm says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 09

    To babiegurl27 I appreciate your response. I have also found on this site and others the vast majority of white men are interested in Black women for the most superficial of reasons. I read all these responses from women who say they have met the man of their dreams, he's perfect, etc. I have not met a single guy from this site who is not just here for a fling with a Black chick. I wish more of us would be brave enough to tell this truth. Why am I still here? All my best friends are white and mostly male. I usually have more in common with them. There are many reasons and I continue to hold on to hope that all the white guys on this site are not superficial.

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  11.   ceryndipity says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 09

    Wow, what an interesting petri dish of comments about this subject. I was curiously glancing while doing my nails and then came across pumpkin22 and WOW! I guess it can be hard to be objective when emotions and feeling become involved (and that is for everyone). There is probably a myriad of reasons why people make posts when they are looking at a particular site. On the other hand to paint such a broad stroke for everyone can be very dangerous. When black men respond to my ad, I just figure, one, they want to get laid, or two, they are not 100% for another race. When I realized that, I couldn't be mad. It would be scary to think that I would with absolute certainty NOT date someone within my race. Because I fear, what would that say about me? Do I hate who I am? And that's not to say that there aren't some white men that want to get laid, as well. Some are true to the cause and some are just curious about black women. I have adored white men since I was probably 7 years old. My first crushes I remember were Johnny and Roy from the TV show Emergency. There's no trauma, nor maltreatment by a black man, it's just the way it has always been. I have received less than I deserved from more white men than black men, but that's because I've dated more white men then black. Individuals are not the whole race. There are *ickheads in every culture and if I held that against the whole race, I'd be a very bitter and lonely person. Point is, there is a reason why people do the things they do. Maybe more effort looking at a person's motif and our response to it will be more fruitful than tagging a whole race responsible for one person's act. We all date for a purpose and we all date bringing our own unique world view. Some date to get laid, some date to get married, some date because they are lonely, some people date to find out who they are. Everyone comes to the table with their own stuff and it's up to us whether or not we want to handle their stuff and vice-versa. Whether a man can protect us and provide for us, depends on the man and not the race. Whether we can take care of ourselves or not depends on us, what we are taught, life's necessities, and sometimes our nature, not our skin tones. We are not being responsible for our dating lives if we are laying blame to races and cultures, and not making individuals responsible for their behavior. Marriage is hard these days regardless of who's in it. Be the best you can be and expect nothing less in your mate and then we shouldn't have to worry what they next person is doing. Unpacking all of your drama in front of someone else, without knowing what's in the bag can be very very dangerous and unflattering. All this talk about slavery and light-skinned femininess is (in my opinion) a little strange in this form. Not saying that it's not a factor in some places, with some people, but that's something we need to come to terms within ourselves. That way when others come to us with it we can put up that red flag and see where they are coming from and whether or not it's healthy. Good luck, y'all.

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  12.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 09

    @ Pumpkin22 I totally can identify with your last post. If more of us were open to interracial dating long ago, we might not be single today.

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  13.   shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 09

    Fadedsuede, I'm not so sure I understand your post but I think I get where you're coming from. Anyways, The reality for "some" BW is, most BW need to relinguish some of that loyalty to BM that they choose to hold on to so dearly. Perhaps they will find what they're looking for, if some of them would just loosen up and try a different culture. Trying a different culture or race doesn't equate to "Go find a White guy." As far as this article goes, my question is...Why date exclusively outside your race, when there is potential of finding a mate within your race? Maybe as human beings we over-think certain ideals.

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  14.   charmyluv says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 09

    these Statistics are so true. i was talking to a white guy from canada on here and then he's going to tell me he is only into white women so i ask him why is he on a interracial site

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  15.   babiegurl27 says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 09

    I believe all of it. As a BF, I find it so discouraging when I go to other dating sites and every man's profile has under the Preferences area every race checked off except for "Black/African" or "West Indian"...It's really sad. My preference has always been white men, but the ones that I meet are usually just looking for the experiment of being with a black woman. The high majority of them do not take us serious when it comes to dating...My best experiences have come from black men ( Even though dating them can be a truly a challenged within itself)..

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  16.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 09

    This site's Members / Continue to talk along color lines . How long does it take to feel the Positive Changes in the Minds of each other ? This is an Inter-racial Date Ting site / Knot a Bigotry Convention . Granted there are members from around the world that I personally wrote to and they in return wrote back to me . What color is a Ladie from India , Russia , New Zealand , Africa , England , Mexico and the United States of America ? They are all Flesh color as to the Pigment that the suns rays gave them . Grown up and see the Changes we as people of the World are working so hard to Create . Move foward / those of you that remain in thoughts of the Past . Try to Enjoy life as the Present time has given Us all a Brighter Future . In Our Private conversations to each other / Never was any time spent in conversation of Heritage . This shall remain a Site for women and men to meet / Some just want to Date , My Wife and I came together because we were seriously Looking for Companionship . ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVYXYZ are just letters of the Alphabet and I thought members here were Beyond that lower level of Intelligence . How wrong I may have been . We were both born of a combination of Many different Heritages in Our long Family Lineage , she refers to her Heritage as Other and I remain the same / We are fast approaching Our Third year together as Man and Wife . Being conceived from Adam and Eve in the Beginning of time , Created by God almighty . I speak for myself / Grandfather - French Canadian , Grandmother - Indian Irish on mother's side . Grandfather and Grandmother Polish on father's side and have no idea of family prior to that . Cousins with South American fathers . Cousins who married Spanish American Citizens . People do not Divorce because of Heritage differences / People Divorce because their Individual Attitudes change .

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  17.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 09

    Interesting discussion going on here. And I'm so glad we can discuss, debate, and express our views in a civilized way. @Melliot What we perceive as racial differences between people is actually accounted by laughably miniscule differences in genetic make-up. When I talk about preferring to date white men, I focus on two different things: 1)differences in culture 2)differences in physical attributes I've come to believe that white men are more influenced by European culture and its early emphasis on chivalry and romanticism. More than other cultures, this causes a tendency to put women on pedestals. The only ethnic culture that I found treats women even better is the Jewish culture. On the other hand, I think too many eastern cultures carry a chauvinistic, even misogynistic attitudes towards women. Yes I know, in the end we are all individuals. But after a lifetime of being hit over the head by the culturally-determined behaviors of the men from my own community, I've decided to focus my limited energies on a population where the probability of finding what I'm looking for is the greatest. @fadedsuede What's wrong with testing the waters? Before you take a leap, you test. But I think I understand your misgivings. None of us wants to feel he/she is second choice. But think of it this way. With experience, can come an evolution of tastes. @NoPlayer You're right, I can't say "all" about any group of people Noone can. But let's be clear, just because one can point out exceptions to the pattern, doesn't mean the pattern doesn't exist. It makes little sense to me to deny the reality that a majority of black men prefer light and too many black men are coming nowhere near to their true potential. And for my chocolate-skinned friends who refuse to date anyone but a black man? The vast majority of them still single and getting old. But ya gotta hand it to them, they're a loyal bunch(lol)! In the end, we all will make the choices that seem right to us. To each his own.

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  18.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 09

    I'm sorry...correction to "This site is a good attempt at showing us all just how similar we all our inside". The our should be.. are. I guess my fingers move faster than my thoughts...lol.

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  19.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 09

    I would like to address a comment made. Faded suede you made some good points and I'm sure you speak from experiences but I do have to address a comment you made about why black women choose white men. Where it may be true that some black women seek out white men because of the job or the size of their bank account. I would like to say on behalf of all the black women who have worked hard for every thing and any thing they wanted or want out of life, that I have never singled out a white guy to date for the sole reason of what I can or could get from him. I date the guys that I am most attracted to and that happens to be white guys. Do I set out to date white guys excusively...no but it seems like thats the way it happens for me. Do I date any man for personal financial gain..no. The reason I addressed this comment is the fact that black women are protrayed in this country as gold digging women who are only looking for what they can get from someone else. Although, that might be true in some cases, by all means its not true in all the cases. Black women have really struggled to overcome this image so we can have a fighting chance with men in other cultures. We are just looking for that person who can accept us for who we are. I admit some black women fit the complete stereotyping that society gives our race but lets give credit to those of us who just want to find someone to love just like women of other cultures have the opportunity to do. I also notice that quite a few of the guys who want to date black women say "looking for no drama". Well thats another one of the stereotyping that black women get from society. True there are some black women who are drama spelled out with capital letters, but that can be a classification of women in any culture...lol. I know I'm reaching, but I wish society would put aside all the stereotyping and get to know black women for who we are and not what they have heard we do from people who have or had bad experiences with black women. Personally, I'm a lover not a fighter. I'd much rather be loving someone than fighting about something but lets face it. We are all seperate individuals and we have our own opinions formed.They maybe from the way we were raised or experiences in life, but at some point in life we all disagree. It just depends on how you handle it. Now, I do know that most black women do not hang around and put up with a guy trying to mistreat her or cheat on her so I believe thats where some of the image of drama may come from, if someone didnt realize the situation. Dont get me wrong I am not making excuses for any of the behaviors, but look at it from the point of view that most of us act out in our lives things we witness as we grow up and maybe thats the way those women deal with things that come up in their lives. My point is that we all handle things differently that happen to us whether good or bad. So why dont we just stop associating it to one particular race, but judge us all as human beings who let our emotions drive us one way or another. I believe there are good and bad in all the races and cultures. I date out of attraction and I'm not using dating white men as any kind of substitition for not finding a black man..LMAO!. I'm not saying it doesnt happen because I believe its possible. Give the white guys a little more credit!! Could it just be that black women like dating white men because they are more attracted to them and like the way they treat them? Well of course it can!...lol. This site is a good attempt at showing us all just how similar we all our inside. Good luck with your search every one. Faded suede I hope you find someone who loves you for the person you are inside and not for your job, bank account or any thing else material.

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  20.   deewhizz says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 09

    I have 2 agree w/ rarest, u never know when u will encounter "the one". I have never judged whom I will date by race, how could I afford to write off entire groups of men? Although given my own experience, sadly blk men have the worst track record as far as how I was treated in a relationship. ohh dear I'm picky and they always got themselves fired somehow:( So I am more hesitant w/ men of my own race even though its not a physical thing. I love a good looking man period:) it's just what's under the skin that's a gamble...

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  21.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 09

    @ pumpkin22 - It's true that many BF are loyal to BM, could it be, is there a small chance, or a possibility that these women have been given a reason to feel loyal to the men they're with! Maybe these women have been protected, respected and loved by a BM, be it a father, a lover, the boy next door or up the street. Maybe these women have had their fair share of ups and downs and turn arounds with BM but they've still found something in them that wouldn't allow them to write them off as potential mates. You have those who date IR exclusively and you have those that remain open to dating those from their own ethnic group, so you're right, it's no surprise that djfourmoney is contacted by BW on this site. Many BW know that: (1) Not all BM have fallen for the hype about the light-skinned woman being more fiminine. (2) Many BM invest more time developing a skill or a profession instead of a jump shot. (3) Maybe these BW know that most BM can, they do and they will protect and provide for the woman they love.

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  22.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 09

    Sometimes you happen across a photo or a profile that really strikes you - isn't it only right that you make contact even if it is with someone who is the same race and yes I know we're on an interracial site but jeez... sometimes you just don't know where Mr./Mrs. Right will pop up.

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  23.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 09

    Re: “Some of the findings are:” If the stats are correct, Black women are probably better respondents BECAUSE we get fewer replies, and white men probably respond less BECAUSE they receive so many responses— the supply and demand factor. With regards to the question of “Why one comes on an interracial site looking for someone their own race,” I say, use whatever works for you-- why be a separatist on an interracial site??? What I don’t understand is why one comes to this site and becomes belligerent with someone for dating outside their race. A white male friend of mine has hidden his profile here because he’s received too many nastygrams from black males who are angry because he dares to like black women. Likewise, I have seen profiles of white men being disrespectful of white women because they date out of their race. Why on earth would you come to an interracial site if you have issues with interracial relationships????? And last but not least, in answer to the question, “Why are you a member of this site,” mainly because I can be! Also, because, while I am mostly attracted to white men, I’m attracted to men of all races and I’m not offended when contacted by black men. This site gives us the ability to mingle more with likeminded people, much more so than sites like Yahoo! and Cupid. Contacting a white man on those sites is much more intimidating than here, where I know that most of the men here are accepting of, and actively seeking, a black woman, as a partner.

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  24.   Darklicious says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 09

    I came on the site because I was curious about it and I liked the site so I have stayed off and on for more than five(5) years now. I would like to meet someone that I could have a long term relationship with. I have pretty much given up on that being a black man so of course the next man for me is going to be white, an american white man. I feel as though our cultries aren't that much of a difference where as my skin color might be the same as an africian but we have nothing in common. I prefer to have a white man instead of any man of color because they seem to know how to treat women that they care about.

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  25.   fadedsuede says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 09

    I've dated black and hispanic women almost exclusively since 1987. Unfortunately, more than 3/4 of the women I dated were dating me only because they had a bad perception of black and hispanic men of their respective communities. Now, this "truth" that was eventually exposed wasnt explicitly stated, but over time it became apparent. Now what does this have to do with the article above? I feel that most of these women are looking for a white man to be with only because they never found that "all together brother" to match temselves up with. Since they never found him, and there are "numerically" more advanced degreed/better educated/better employed white men to choose from (again, numerically), black women and hispanic women decided to use the "single white male" pool to test. Sad but true.....

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  26.   Jungle says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 09

    Still! A percentage isn't how you feel or who you are attracted to. If you want percentage than better ask Pumkin to get the email to message the national counsil.Face it! We are here because of attraction! Our wants, desires and romance! If our hearts are here at this site. Then thats saying a lot without confusion of stats. The reason why percentages of females cling to their own race is cause they aren't sure of a true interracial dating.(they huddle in "chic-clicks"....a comfort zone) Humanities and socialising tells us that we cling to and bond with people who we can have simularities with in order to feel aquaintined with or part of, to feel accepted by a percentage. Is why this article was written. Doesn't matter how many people say out of 1000 or more. Matters how YOU feel and what is YOUR attraction. The matters are! Is that YOUR here, wanting MORE of a romance than just the percentage!

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  27.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 09

    Pumkin22 bring a lot of thought to this discussion. 50% of all marriages end in divorce today. that cuts across all groups. It is difficult for all involved to stay in a relationship. Most people are confused about the roles they are supposed to play in the relationship. This has lead to more divorces. Recently Time magazine had a cover story how women are more unhappy now that they have more choices. traditional roles seem to make more people happy. Of course white man black women relationships last the longest out of all interracial relationships. I know that for the 21 years I was married to a black woman I respected her. Maybe that was the difference. however we did get divorced.

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  28.   melliot says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 09

    I think everyone needs o take a step bak espeially African Americans and think for a moment. African Amerians is not just a pure breed of African whose roots exends back to Africa. An African American is a mixture of one particular racial group. African Amerians much like those people of African descent in other countries who were enslaved or colonized make up a range and variety of racial mixtures. If an Afrian American takes a DNA test only to find ou that they have French, Dutch, Porteguesse, West Indian, Asian, Middle Eastern, European and many other raes in their diverse ancestorial background are they to reject everyone who attempts to contact them based on the fact that they would be dating their own. For the very fair skinned sister who posted that "Nor do I understand why black men continue to contact me!", more likely than not your fair skin finer hair and thin nose is no a product of the west or south African gene poole were most transatlantic slave origionated. Thus, it is likely that in your family history their was an interacial romantic enounter which lead to your inherited traits. That being said are you considered to be seeking to date your own by seeking a relationship with people of European desent. OR should you just take a DNA test find out your racial background and then eliminate all men whom share any similar racial backgrounds as you. Should a man of European descent who find out his great great great grandfaher was black not date black women because that would be dating his own? It is true that we are all members of an interaial dating site, but being a memebr of suh a site does not mean we are restricted from dating members not of our racial background. If such were true then the preference choice all ethniites would simply not be an option. It would be very shallow for anyone who licks with a person and finds them to be physically and mentally attrative to simply reject that individual solely based on the fat that they share the same racial background. America is not about findng petty things to seperate people, America is about embracing the simalarities as well as the differences of all people. For those who think that simply dating outside or inside of a race will amount to better treatment or better relationships shame on you! Their is no such thing as a bad or good race their are simply bad or good people. Respectful loving, thoughful kindhearted and beautiful people come in all shades and colors. Don't be so closed minded to any race or you will keep repeating the same cyle that might have brought many to this site in the first place Keep an open mind to all races because nobody, and I really do mean nobody wants to be old sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair by themselves beause of their own racial pettyness.

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  29.   Member says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 09

    .. Pattrick has made a very good point. Are there any actual statistics to indicate percentages among other nations? Also I would like to comment, concerning those who choose to date within their own race. I can't speak pertaining to anyone other than those I have actually met and become acquainted with. In that finite bracket (compared to the dating population at large) same-race dating flourishes. Reasons for this,..particularly on this site are varied and interesting. And a consensus does arise. It seems one common thread has to do with members generally being "open-minded". Yup.! It appears that open-minded people of (any) race seem to gravitate toward others of like-mindedness. There's just a feeling of freedom between people who look beyond color and ethnicity. Also,... has anyone noticed that those who are not racially biased demonstrate more flexibility? I don't know if it's true or not;... perhaps it just seems that way to me. They seem more independent. Perhaps more at liberty to be themselves; free from limiting restrictions of other social ideologies. Therefore free-thinking Black, Asian, Brown or White person may choose same-race-dating on this site. Free-thinkers often bond together; irrespective of racial bias. It's not a quantum leap to understand. Clearly, I prefer an Afro-interracial companion for life-long love. But others may be more open-minded. If so,.. it is certainly understandable that they might choose from a genetic pool of free-thinkers. So,.. this Particular website has the distinction (one of many) for being fair, unbiased, open-minded. That said,.. it is BOUND to attract many open-minded same-race-oriented free-thinking eligible daters. Personally?..-I still prefer chocolate-covered M&Ms! Chocolate only only. Kind of the way I like steak! Medium-rare/ with the meat soft, pink and juicy in the center and nicely browned on the outside.! I could eat a prime cut like that Any time! ... But,.. that's just my personal taste in steaks. Perhaps others like theirs .. you know... some other way. That's their own choice. It's personal. Think of it another way: As long as they like this network,... they must be interracially minded?? It that's so,... who cares what or which color they choose to date?! We're ALL pink on the inside! Is that right? Well,.. it was, the last time I checked. But I still prefer my stake browned, M-R. .Just a passing thought;..... Hmmm. .

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  30.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 09

    I came to the site to be able to find the man of my dreams no matter what race he may be. However, I do prefer to date outside of my race because I'm more attracted to White men, but I am open to dating other races. The interesting thing is that I have been contacted by black men wanting to get to know me better which I find very strange. Isnt this site about finding someone outside of your race/culture? I do agree with something someone else said earlier. I am very confused about the white guys who come to the site and are not open to dating black women. So why are they here? Maybe they think they can save some of the white women from dating the black men...lol. Just a thought. Actually its of no great concern to me because I here to really find my soulmate or at least give it a good try at looking. So far I dont have any positive example to believe this site works but I'm trying to put it to the test and find out. If you see my soulmate tell him to get in touch with me, I'm looking for him...LMAO!!

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  31.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 09

    @djfourmoney, It is not terribly surprising that you have been contacted by black females. I found many black females are very loyal to black men, even though that loyalty is not reciprocated. (And I truly hope I didn't pick up any smugness on your part.) I'm afraid the long hand of our slave legacy stretches into the behaviors of both black males and females even today, albeit in different ways. Black males have largely bought into the myth that lighter means more feminine. And because African-Americans males have in the past at least, never been allowed to provide and protect their females,they never really learned how. (And please don't bring up the notion that black males are being kept down now days. I've seen too many young black males reserve all their passion for pursuits like basketball and none for getting ahead in life.) As a result African-American females have largely been left to fend for and defend themselves-hence IMO, the rise of the "aggressive" black female. Unfortunately, what was once a survival mechanism ,has at some point has mutated into some kind of twisted badge of armour for some black females, that they have to be as tough as anyone else. The problem of course, is that these kinds of behaviors AREN'T feminine and whether you're one of the tough acting minority or not, all black females become labeled with this broad brush. Fortunately, more African-American females are waking up to the knowledge that these kinds of behaviors are counterproductive. Thank goodness they are learning to embrace their traditionally feminine qualities. Sometimes it takes a white male to bring it out. Fair or not, what gives white males the advantage is that they've always been able to provide and protect (not just procreate with) women. And when my guy announced the other day that he would do anything to protect me, shivers literally ran down my spine. BUT more importantly, he LOVES my African looks and my soft, nappy locs. So no, you won't find me flirting with African-American males on an interracial site. I love you guys like my brothers but there's been such a total lack of support for so many years that I lost my attraction a long time ago. I do hope you find someone who will bring out the best in you.

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  32.   bellara says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 09

    talnwhite: you have made a great point!! This poll is obviously one of those nonsensical polls that are based on stereotype or personal thoughts/observations rather than the actual truth. (boring topic..NEXTTT)! to answer the main question: i find it quite weird and partially amusing when people people go on interracial dating site and seek their own. On the other hand, this site shouldn't complain much because the name gives the impression that it's a site where whites or people of other race gets the opportunity to date black men/women...disagree?

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  33.   Pattrick says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 09

    guess the statistics are only about the american members here....

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  34.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 09

    How about the non african on this site looking to date other non africans? Whatever, your preference is find someone who is for you. The stats given are based on this site, unfortunately these stats extend beyond online dating. As a Black woman, I could care less about the ethnicity of a potential partner (as long as I'm not a fetish),especially when the odds are against me. Life is too short to spend alone. For the longest time, I was scared to date interracially for fear of being considered a sell out or a white mans slave. Thank God I opened my mind and heart and it has been a beautiful experience. @ Whurr & Laughsailor Shhh! There you go dropping knowledge. Stop it before people find out you know stuff! :) Great posts!

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  35.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    Ria - Thanks for your careful research, drilling down to relevant statistics. OKCupid has a foundation of matching people who are similar in various ways and that fundamentally works against their matching people of different races, even though their personalities match well. While I can search for black women there and thus find the type of gal I'm interested in, I am not given black women as preferred types for me, there. Perhaps there are few black women on that site but I doubt it, as I can find them in searches. Biases like this are reasons for my preferring this site but the strongest is the community and acceptance: Knowing others are seriously interested in dating outside their race. talnwhite1 - Your anecdotal opinion isn't in the least correct. I'm not going to get in a pissing match about it but go ahead and look up population statistics before spouting numbers. Discovering historical population changes is fascinating and gives much insight into how our society is becoming more racially tolerant. Here is what our federal government says about it in their Health and Human Services Healthfinder.gov site, on http://www.healthfinder.gov/orgs/hr0329.htm National Council on Family Relations - NCFR Organization URL(s) info@ncfr.org www.ncfr.org/ External Link Other Contact Information 3989 Central Avenue, NE Suite 550 Minneapolis, MN 55421 888-781-9331 (Voice - Toll-free) 763-781-9331 (Voice) 763-781-9348 (FAX) Description The National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) was founded in 1938 and provides a professional forum through which members seek means of strengthening marriage and family life. The Council enables professional practitioners; academicians; and laypersons interested in family education, counseling, research, and action to work together on the establishment of professional standards, the promotion and coordination of educational efforts, the encouragement of research, the extension of community services for families, and the encouragement of coherent government policies pertaining to family life. Print Resources NCFR publishes the Vision 2010 series of policy issue analyses of family issues; special collections of articles; and cassette tapes from its annual meetings are available. Serial publications: Journal of Marriage and the Family, published five times a year--theory and research journal directed to researchers; Family Relations: Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family and Child Studies published five times a year--application of research and theory to practice, directed to educators, counselors, and community services personnel.

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  36.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    These studies are found by people who have nothing to do alas make money printing their own opinions . Internet tells all / just type questions on address Bar .

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  37.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    These come from the Nevada Desert area , Sparcely populated / and didn 't want my first responses . I have talked with women around the world for 7 years ; each Native born in their own Country . Wrote back to everyone in answer . Called Polite back in my day .

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  38.   510luv says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    I find this information not only interesting, but slightly entertaining. I guess what I mean to protray is that there are trends people follow even if down underneath they prefer to explore a different path. We sometimes let social stigmas guide our decisions. at the same time we feed into the nastlalga what was once taboo is now a statement. Maybe I'm WAY off about all that psyco-anlita-mumbo-jumbo but I know what I know what I LIKES, and the type of personality and the qualities I can be happy waking up to for the rest of my life if I have to (and want to) AND THAT IS WHY I JOINED THIS SITE. ;] p.s. I am most refered to as a caucasion male, but I am a mix of eastern european and eurolatin.

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  39.   BrownMagicLady says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    The Question is ---> Are you in an interracial dating site to date your own? "Absolutely NOT"! Nor do I understand why black men continue to contact me! Go to "Black Planet"! If they would READ they would know the critera. Not only that...."What site is this"? Also, Why do some White Men come to this site with their preference selection as "white women", but yet they contact me? Apparently "Both" white & black men are a ittle confused, don't you think? lol

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  40.   deewhizz says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    I have heard the same things about African Americans, especially women but thankfully this has not borne out 4 me in real life. In spite of all the relentless media pressure to accept one ethnic and body type as attractive I have had no shortage of male attention since puberty. I did notice ironically that white men treated me in a way I preferred in a long term relationship. So much 4 this survey! And that's not even counting the 3 marriage proposals:) So no complaints here, especially concerning blk men who date white women. Have fun! Why would I want you if u didn't want me?

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  41.   sassyscorpio says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    here in south carolina, its hard for a black woman who is only into white men. if not for this site i would never date. But on the other hand a lot of the men are experimenting and i'm sorry i know what i want. the stats are against us but if we give into it, we black women will never find the love of our lives.

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  42.   whurr says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 09

    Statistics...statistics... they make me happy...they make me money!! This is the 3rd intelligent post of my life! @talnwhite1 - Without being facetious, you are way off base on everything you have stated? NYC has a lot of immigrants, ethnic variations, variety of races, but to say that the entire population is 95% non-white? Saying the birthrate is 98% non-white means that you are so pissed off by your 95% statistic that you had to amplify it. Its obvious NYC has bitten you in the azz and you are feeling bitter. Your comments are subliminal to something deeper. NYC is 44% white. Whites don't make up 50% of the United States population, they make up 75%. As you travel from borough to borough , you will observe some disparity in those percentages. The population density that you talk about is almost accurate. Cities like Union city, NJ are more dense than NYC, however they are considered to be part of the NYC 'area' Your comment on the United Nations is pretty hilarious. The United Nations has done population projections up to 2050. It takes them a very long time to do the 10 year predictions. T It really irritates me when statistics are thrown out there and people use the internet as their platform. So many people read things and hold them as true, therefore I am not trying to 'toot my horn' but actually clear up some things being said before someone makes the mistake of repeating them. Hope this clears the air and might educate some people here and there. My intentions are to educate people about mistruths.

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  43.   talnwhite1 says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 09

    I do not believe these stastics for one minute. In the greater NYC area the entire population is at least 95% non-white. The birthrate is at least 98% non-white. Tp prove my point just drive around some schools where the greatest population density exists and look at the racial make-up of the student body for clear evidence. This is located anywhere in the NY 5 boroughs. Now if whites are 50% of the total US population, then the majority of white women are having non white children in the NYc area. The largest population dense area in the US. United Nations growth projections estimate that worldwide there will not be any people of European (caucasian) (white) ancestory within 150 years based on current growth rates. So again I reiterate, I do not know where these bloggers are getting there information?

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  44.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 09

    That may be the case for most on-line dating sites. But look at what the National Council on Family Relations found out about successful marriages: "Racial differences in marriage, on the other hand, correspond to higher divorce rates but mostly in marriages where the White spouse is female." "Non-hispanic Black husband/White wife marriages were twice as likely to divorce as White/ White couples, and non-hispanic Asian husband/White wife couples were 59% more likely..." "White husband/non-hispanic Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples and White husband/non-hispanic Asian wife couples were only 4% more likely to divorce by year 10" "The current study examined the likelihood of divorce among interracial couples compared to same-race couples. We find that although interracial marriages overall are more vulnerable to divorce, this reflects the experience of some but not all couples. According to the adjusted models predicting divorce as of their 10th year of marriage, interracial marriages that are most vulnerable involve White females and Non-white males(with the exception of White females/Hispanic White males) relative to White/White couples. Conversely, White men/non-White women couples show either very little or no differences in divorce rates; or, as in the case of White men and Black women, are substantially less likely than White/White couples to divorce by their 10th year."

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  45.   BrownGirlLDN says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 09

    Interesting question but for me the answer is that I'm here in search of something other sites weren't giving me. That 'thing' being the opportunity to be frank and honest about my preferences. Also, looking at the statistics quoted above, I'm also left wondering what the overall ratios of races & genders are on sites like this. If women are outnumbering men and there are huge numbers of black women among that group, it just makes competition all the more difficult! :(

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  46.   theomeo says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 09

    Yes I do believe black women from my experience would rather date a black man. Maybe if a white guy was working with a black women and they got to know each other it would be different. But for even Black women may say they are not that approachable by White men.

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  47.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 09

    I got these information from another site which got it from the study done by the National Council on Family Relations on interracial marriages. "Racial differences in marriage, on the other hand, correspond to higher divorce rates but mostly in marriages where the White spouse is female." 2. "NH [non-hispanic] Black husband/White wife marriages were twice as likely to divorce as White/White couples, and NH Asian husband/ White wife couples were 59% more likely, according to Model II. Highlighting the role of gender in interracial dynamics, the reverse combinations actually showed a lower or similar risk of divorce." 3. "White husband/NH Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples," and White husband/NH Asian wife couples were only 4% more likely to divorce by Year 10. 4. "The current study examined the likelihood of divorce among interracial couples compared to same-race couples. We find that although interracial marriages overall are more vulnerable to divorce, this reflects the experience of some but not all couples. According to the adjusted models predicting divorce as of their 10th year of marriage, interracial marriages that are most vulnerable involve White females and non-White males

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  48.   djfourmoney says:
    Posted: 06 Nov 09

    Those are interesting findings and not all that shocking after running through a few of the Latina ads on here and that seems to bare out their conclusion. I've also been contacted by Black Women far more than any other women, which again I find interesting. Anyway thanks for posting the info

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  49.   Ijey04 says:
    Posted: 05 Nov 09

    The survey is has some element of truth in it.

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  50.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 05 Nov 09

    Personally , I would imagine that availability of time to reply / would be a Large Factor . I still reply immediately to mail sent me by members here , there are many questions asked about Locations in this country by persons of far away places . Occasionally someone will ask my opinion on a matter , I have acquired a few pen-pals over time here on this site.

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