Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating
I once asked you guys in an earlier post: “Do dating sites encourage racial prejudice?” Well, a UC Irvine study claims that online daters have a tendency of observing racial stereotypes while seeking potential mates.
The researchers analyzed Yahoo personals and found that White men prefer Asian and Hispanic women to African American women as dating partners. White women on the other hand have a preference for African American and Hispanic men as opposed to Asian men. Asians, Blacks and Latinos were more inclined to include White people as possible mates than White people were to include them. White people seem to be the most preferred race when it comes to interracial dating.
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Cynthia Feliciano, one of the researchers and UCI assistant professor of sociology and Chicano/Latino studies, pegs the above preference findings on negative portrayals of Black women and Asian men by the media – on TV, in movies and music. "Stereotypical images of masculinity and femininity shape dating choices and continue to be perpetuated in the mass media," said Feliciano, "The hyper-feminine image of Asian American women contrasts greatly with the image of Asian men, who are often portrayed as asexual."
At the same time, the image of the strong Black woman, portrayed negatively by media as bossiness, is pegged against the idealized notions of submissive and frail women; which kinda explains why they were the least preferred choice of mate. This study on internet dating shows how race still plays into the selection of a partner.
Having been dubbed the 'dominant race' and being the most preferred racial group (according to the study), do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?
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270 responses to "Study: Racial stereotypes in online dating"
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nic281 says:Posted: 23 May 09Hi Everyone,I Think it's here in America people are more close mind about dating outside their race. I have lived in Europe ( Paris France and London England) and travel through out Europe and now I have moved to America since 9 years and it's only here that I see people still stuck in a race war and not willing to get to out of it anytime soon, white men will rather date Asian and Latin women not because their are frail but because of the skin color which is closer to white than a black person color but not only white men do this because lots of black men also do the same it is better to be seen with a lighter skin woman than with a dark skin women. I have see more mix dating in other countries than I have seen here and I think white men are afraid to be seen with black women sometimes because of their Jobs , Peers and family. I once dated a guy from Kentucky but he never talk about his family etc for a while and when he did open up to me about his State and his family and I said to him that I will love to visit the state one day and he should show me around he broke it off without a word or anything.I think it all about the way people was brought up in this country with hate and black/ white division even blacks or divided within them self, so each culture have to look at them self before you can't hate a white person for not wanting to date a black person while black people do it to each other also. At the end of our life most of us are going to say well I did enjoy it to the fullest because I had an open mind while some will die not knowing. We can't change each other but we can enjoy and love the people who love us back.
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raybo says:Posted: 22 May 09
Sorry to offend anyone but I personally feel that white men are afraid to approach a black woman due to the stereotypes that the public and the media place on interracial dating. I is more acceptable for a black man to date a white woman then for a white man to date a black woman. For so long white men ridiculed the idea that now that they can openly show interest they are afraid of what other whites will think. Also, it seems that the only time that a white man will approach me is if I have shown some type of attention to them are some interest in the things that they predominately like to do such as dance at a party to what is termed by blacks as "white folks music." When I do this because it's just part of the music I like to listen to they feel as though they can relate to me and it makes them more comfortable and makes me more approachable. On the dance floor they are all over a sista especially if that sista is dancing on them. We need to get over our fears like mentioned above and just date who we like because of them and not care about what the public thinks of us. Black women are approachable and not so tough on the inside that you should fear us. Oh! One last thing. We as black women are not less desired, because white men do desire us, we are mostly just feared because white seem to have an image to uphold in front of their peers that they are afraid having a black mate will draw negative attention on them from their peers when actually their peers want us to.
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sexyp1 says:Posted: 21 May 09Wow this topic is so interesting. I tend to over think everything and I try to respect everyones opinion and see others POV. I guess you can say I've done my own personal study about online dating. On sites for black and white dating I'm not the number one choice for a date, I don't seem to be light enough or small enough, but I've also tried BBW dating sites and was told I wasn't big enough so go figure lol. When I say I did my own study I did, it wasn't here it was another site. I posted my profile and I was interested in white males but no responses. Later I changed my ethnicity to Hispanic everything else was the same even my pics, and my inbox was full. I deleted the profile but didn't take anything personal. I say consider yourself lucky if someone doesn't want to date you for whatever reason why would you want to date them...Time is priceless and the one thing you can't get back because it's limited.
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flavour123 says:Posted: 18 May 09
I do find the discussions interesting,never dated a WM but find myself attracted to you guys. Above all else, personality counts!
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Sciencegeek says:Posted: 18 May 09Hello everyone. I will first apologize if I offend anyone...Ok, short and sweet; SO! I do agree that this article caries alot of truth, but my opinion is...so. The article itself is making us stereotype by thinking that everyone or the majority of america that do online dating or searches is racist if they don't include a certain race. I simply say its a choice. A choice we all make. We all have a preference and that's all it is. Most online daters is truly looking for a strong connection or a serious relationship. So they tend to include criteria in their searches that best suit their needs. Isn't that what we all do? I do. Yes, I include all races in my searches. However, that is my choice. I made that for me. Me. Something we are all entitled to. Regardless of race. I should change my screen name to PreacherC, because I have to come on here and preach knowledge. Ha.. Be well.
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4realthough says:Posted: 17 May 09
P.S. something important I forgot to mention: the white men who responds to my profile are not my age or older....the majority are in their 20's and early 30's and are very sexy....so they are truly attracted towards black women and surprisingly to say they are highly attracted towards older black women. And thanks Salsera 77 for the videos from YOUTUBE: Interracial Love- So Beautiful
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4realthough says:Posted: 17 May 09
Personally, from my experience with online dating I cannot agree that white men prefer other women who are not black over a black woman. All of the men I chat with are white (and I do mean ALL) and a few are Hispanic. But maybe because I specify white men in my profile. So this tells them what I want and what I'm looking for. And I always ask them why do they prefer black women and their responses are amazing in what they tell me. For example: they say that black women are sexier and attractive as compared to other women; that we're shapely (breasts and butts); we're great in bed; and for the most part white men who haven't been with a black woman before are curious about how good we are in bed.I have no disappointments when it comes to chatting with white men online. Online interracial dating is GREAT!!!
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Toree18 says:Posted: 16 May 09
To Kanzan I realize what you mean by your post, because I have seen that reaction from a few BM when confronted by BW as to why he's dating a WW, but let me say this, I personally have never dated a WM__I have had some wanting to date me, but at the time I didn't feel comfortable with it, it had nothing to do with what BM or other people thought of the idea. Even now, if I decide to date a WM, I don't care what a BM or anybody else thinks about it as long as I'm (ME) am comfortable with it. Ostracize me for dating a WM or any man of another race because they don't like it or think it's right, I think not. I think as long as the BW feels comfortable in her decision to date outside of her race whether it be white, asian, hispanic, or pink with purple polk a dots.....it's her choice to make.
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gjones66216 says:Posted: 14 May 09I don't think that it's the strong Black woman that is turning off people. We have too many examples of strong, eloquent Black women that are doing just fine in terms of public perception. Why do I bring up public perception? Because our partners do reflect on us. It goes beyond dating and marriage. (Umm, dating is supposed to be about finding a partner, I think. That's the way I view it anyway. If I wouldn't marry her, we won't be dating. We might still be friends, but not dating.) The Asian man carries another stereotypical behavior - one of being the dominant alpha male in the household. Why is this seen as a negative?
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gjones66216 says:Posted: 14 May 09
Funny but the hypothesis wasn't really addressed in the article. If it was, I missed it. How does the dating site encourage racial prejudice? It may be ONE good source to be able to actually get objective data on preferences (and thereby prejudices) but I don't see it particularly encouraging one way or another when they simply show the daters' preference.
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jrlocks33 says:Posted: 14 May 09
hey saavii when i stated Guyana I was also including Surinam (formerly Dutch), and French Guyana (faux pas, I know)... i will correct my statement here officially British Guyana is the only ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY in South America considered part of the west Indies because of our similar tongue, music and culture not to mention the fact that it is 32% black... The highest population of people being the East Indians, Blacks, Portugese, Chinese, and then Whites... I never stated that other parts of south america have no blacks (as Brazil has more than guyana(s) put tgether)... i also did not get deep into the ethnology beause GUYANA was not the topic i was addressing... maybe what i should have stated was guyana with 32% black population is the only ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY considered part of the carribeans because of.... The next time there is a topic speaking of interracial dating I will be sure to remember that... But as I was addressing previous comments based on the topic at hand... well you know... and therefore i apologize for the error...
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Jimmydea01 says:Posted: 13 May 09Kanzan, dating is dating, 1 night stand, to seeing each other, but when choosing your soulmate, there is no one holding your relationship down, your soulmate or wife or husband will always come first, regardless of family beliefs, bad things happened in the past, good things that happened, only the strength of u 2, IMO, were gods people, and all came from the same place from adam and eve, many try to twist it thier way of thinking, and many people have said this on this blog. Also many may not stand strong and go with others beliefs, but, when choosing a soulmate, throw all that other stuff out, it doesnt matter which person, everyone will be a little different, but should work hard on thier relationship always, good things will always follow.
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Saavii says:Posted: 13 May 09
I know this is a bit late but I need to clarify something to jrlocks33: Guyana is NOT the only Black country in South America. It is over 50% East Indian. There are other nearby countries with significant populations of African descent - i.e. Suriname, French Guyana and Brazil (that has the 2nd largest Black population in the world.)
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sistajes says:Posted: 13 May 09
I do agree that on sites such as Yahoo! or Match that White male members prefer Hispanic or Asian women over Sistas and experience has taught me the aforementioned is, to some extent, correct. So I certainly don't recommend those sites and similar ones for Sistas into interracial dating. The racial sterotypes portrayed via the media does have an affect on interracial dating because people will read hear about some perceived negative characteristic, i.e. about Sistas, then form an opinion about a woman without ever making the slightest attempt to interact on a personal level to see what a woman is really about.
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salsera77 says:Posted: 12 May 09
You're welcome, HoneyKissed6. Without giving it away, there's a couple of nice scenes in the new Star Trek movie that just came out. And On Amazon.com I also stumbled across a BW/WM interracial movie list. It's now in my Netflix queue.
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southernmoca says:Posted: 11 May 09
I had to read the remarks of Elliott to make sure that what I read was in fact what I saw on this blog. Yahoo? taking anything as solid and truthful from Yahoo is like considering the " National Inquirer" as the ultimate source of educated stimulation in news reporting; right next to the Alien that father some woman's baby in the mid-west. Not all African American women have that particular frame of mind as to convey hostility toward "men" who prefer not to date Black women. To those who prefer to date Asian or white or Hispanic only, I say, "By All Means...go for it". I am more than positive that I am not the only woman of color who feels this way. My suggestion at this point is that if a point is to be made, please make sure that there is room for the exceptions and consider a more reliable and highly valued source than Yahoo. (That cracks me up)
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Kanzan says:Posted: 11 May 09Topaz 7: I think people pretty much ignored what I said earlier without giving it a second thought. The majority of black women will not date a white man because black women will more often be ostracized for dating "the enemy" than a black man will for dating a white woman. Im 40 years old and have dated predominantly black and hispanic women since I was 17. Now, for the last 23 years I have seen the same hypocrisy again and again. That is, when a BW confronts a BM about his dating a WM, the black men will routinely say something that equates to: " Yeah - so what - its different when a black man dates a white woman. White men only date black women because of a fetish" (ad nauseum infinitum). I think this may be slowly changing but as long as the majority of black men continue to suffer in America in terms of educational and financial equality, I think this attitude will persevere. The white man is still perceived as the root of all problems black men are facing in 2009 and a black woman dare not stand along beside him.
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M.Elliot says:Posted: 11 May 09
Ladies, as you so stated in previous blogs there is nothing wrong with Black womem limiting themselves to only dating certain races and while excluding other races from their dating possibilities. As you stated, "It is simply based on preference and people should understand that skin color preference. That being said, you must stay consistent in your views and not deviate even if your views do not advantage your quest to date only men of European descent. Therefore,if the yahoo dating website survey is in-fact accurate inreporting " that White men prefer Asian and Hispanic women to African American women as dating partners." And that African American women are the least preferred dating partner by white men on the Yahoo personals dating site. If this statistic is true then the group of ladies asserting the preference ideology need to be consistent and accept your truth. If the yahoo statistics are true then just accept that themen on the site have a preference just like you except their preference is not to date you interacially but date Asian and Latino women. Therefore, all the reasoning regarding skin tone, fear of approaching you, approach you, media influence are pointless. If you expect everyone to respect your racial dating preference and not try to disect it, perhaps you should accept their preference not to date Black women interacially at all or pick African American women as their last choice to interacially date. You cannot assert your preference ideology when it is conveyant and expect people to accept it, but deviate away from your preference ideology when it has a negative direct effect or negative impact on your goals of dating a white man. Accept and respect the preference of individuals who do not wish to date you, or would choose you as their last race option to interacially date just as you have asked men of certain races you do not wish to date, or would be your last race option to date to accept your racial preferences.
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HoneyKissed6 says:Posted: 10 May 09
Salsera - incredible video on YouTube!! Thank you for mentioning it. Jost...WOW! Interracial love is so beautiful!
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salsera77 says:Posted: 10 May 09
In Philly BM/WW couples have become more plentiful now but as I alluded to above, you don't see the reverse happening...that is BW/WM or BW/AM etc. couples. I saw more of this today while I was out and about. Only once in a rare blue moon will I see the opposite. If I'm out with someone, it doesn't bother me a bit being that rare blue moon to someone else looking. Lol. I stumbled across the following on YouTube today and had to put it on my faves list. I thought it'd be appropriate here. Hope you all enjoy. Don't forget to turn on your sound: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Knu1lNY1HOE&feature=channel_page
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Topaz7 says:Posted: 09 May 09
It is really nice to find a forum where you can talk about these things we all are thinking about. I've learned so much from reading these which is so helpful. I emailed a white man on another site that I liked to show my interest in him, and I will tell you I was offended by his response. First he said, "Wow, you're hot", but then he said that he had not been good in the past with interracial dating said he had one experience that didn't go well. So felt like he was judging me based on that one experiene and told him so etc along with a bye bye bye. Anyhow, to my surprise the guy wrote me back and told me that he liked this Black girl in his town but was afraid to approach her because he was concerned about what her parents might think? He knew her mom, her sister etc, but he was literally scared. So I say all of this to agree with one comment, I don't think its that white men are not interested, I think like someone said earlier, they are intimidated by us, which I don't think I will ever understand. And as Elliot put it, many just find it easier not to deal with the "complexity of difference" than to cross over especially the white men whose incomes are closer to 6 figures and beyond...I find this especially to be true.
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flady says:Posted: 09 May 09
thankyou classyansheek.i second you there..a black woman is a very strong woman and am so proud of being one too.I think we are not the least preffered the difference is we dont wanna admit it.from my girlfriends and some of my white friends i know they all dream of there future love to be black woman and white man.its time we remove that fake skin and face the truth.if you like something go for it 100%why waste time prettending.as for me ever since i was little i would dream someday having my man a white.its my hearts desire and i know that is what i need.but he has to be of the character i need.this doesnot mean that the other races are not men enough..they really are too but.my heart is for one loving white man who will make me very happy and i think he is somewhere here in this site waiting for me.well thats the truth am not afraid i love you white men..just one who is willing to be very happy..here i am opening the gate for you.
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ivorycelt says:Posted: 08 May 09Suggest anyone outside of USA go look at Utube and type in 'black women dating' I was prompted by Salsera (above) As some one from the UK it was quite a shock. For me Black is a preference, (and not an 'issue') just like a prefer red wine to white. (But heh, ill drink anything if it tastes good) Anyway, untill i watched a few Utube clips, i had no idea that the race/ interracial thing was (still) such an issue - in the usa. Of ALL the possible things that could come up from typing in 'black women dating' - Pretty much the ONLY things listed, were 'issues' as refered to here. I dont think that anyone from UK - or probably anywhere else!, can really appreciate this blog, without first having a looksee. Remember, if we dont see american tv/media how would we know the context of this blog. USA is unique - seems backward in many ways. Generalisation i know and i guess wouldnt include NYC Seattle? but what do i know. All the more amazing that Obama got in! Think USA is already very close to 50% non white - certainly below age 60. Am sure the social world village will be very differnt in a few decades time
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Azzia says:Posted: 08 May 09
aStandupguy - You are right to question it. I believe those motives are conditioned responses; and the media loves doing the same old thing to get the same old result. I say let's do something different to get a different result. The answer to the question of what,lies within our imaginations! Have a great weekend y'all. xx
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aStandupguy says:Posted: 07 May 09
Jimmydea01 - Thanks man! I just wish as a society we could look past stereotypes put on people based on the color of our skins, or any other feature for that matter. It is very frustrating. Azzia - I agree wholeheartedly about as a group we've broken through the stereotypes to one degree or another. I'd love to work towards a better world for all. I have no idea what the next step should be either. I do question the study quoted in the article. Maybe there are more white people looking for mates than there are black people. Hence the higher demand. In that case the study should ask how is it that black ladies know how to keep a marriage together better than white ladies. You can skew a study anyway you like. I question it's motives to say 'black women are least desirable' or that 'Asian men are hyper feminine.' I don't think those kinds of statements help anyone. I find myself being a bit agitated about such studies.
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xeltron says:Posted: 07 May 09i don't see why any of this matters. we like what we like. i don't care what anyone else prefers. stereotypes will always be there....only the ignorant will accept them. the media can state whatever they wish......they can't influence my preference.
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Jimmydea01 says:Posted: 07 May 09
Standupguy, great point, God created adam and eve, and were all descendants and Gods children, if i or any one else said race, for me, it means everyone is unique, im different from my own brothers and sisters. In certain ways and the same in others, but good statement.
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Azzia says:Posted: 07 May 09
WOW! Coming from the UK I am fascinated with all this talk and high imput of discussion concerning interracial dating. Reading the article, I can see how the preferences and stereotypes were devised, however, I wonder if the sample of Yahoo online dating personals are a TRUE representation of the American dating scene. Perhaps it is, I am not qualified to actually comment on its accuracy as I am not there. The point I am trying to make is this: Does it really matter? Does reasearch and articles as the one above move us closer together as a global community? Does the time we invest in such debates serve us towards building a better world. Does it take us to higher levels of self? I, myself am a lover of diversity. I couldn't care less what colour, nationality or tradition you hail from as long as we are compatible. For sure I have preferences, but they are along the lines of moral stature, vision, compassion, inclusiveness and dare I say it... looks. Here in the UK, London especially, it seems we are less concerend about the colour of one's skin. Don't get me wrong, for sure there are those who place a high importance on same colour (and pleased do not change me) dating. But on this site, I believe that the very fact that we've chosen to join it means that we have already broken out of that stereotype; and the next step is? I feel that the power of change, in terms of stereotypes, can be challenged in a far more progressive and forward thinking way. Just a thought. Have a gorgeous day!
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classynsheek says:Posted: 07 May 09
Wow! This article was a NEWSFLASH! THIS JUST IN MOMENT FOR ME!...if ya know what I mean, haha, lol...I can't tell that black women are the "least preferred" in the dating world, seeing as though white guys and men of other races hit on me and my girlfriends ALL the time. Not to mention, the tons of flirts and messages they send daily...WHO KNEW?...I think that what makes us as black women UNIQUE is how STRONG we are as a people, and our RESILANCE, and ability to DEFY the odds in life, when they are stacked against us as they have been throughout history...so rather than be offended by someones opinion in some baseless survey, I say to the black women out there, let us as a whole embrace the characteristics that make us UNIQUE! YES! We are STRONG, and STRONG WILLED! And I don't think we should have to apologize for it. I AM PROUD TO BE A BLACK WOMEN!
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Balance38 says:Posted: 07 May 09
Thank you Glock, there is always two sizes to every story and if you really critical think about this situation it always come down to being able to analyze both prespectives, to step outside of the box (your world, and enviroment, comfort zone, culture) people in general will always "size you up" this is human nature. They will always tell you what you are and what you suppose to do, think and feel and most all what you suppose to be.I have never allow anyone to define me and who I am. I can do that better myself. But I do enjoy evaluating others "opnion" I usually filter through the knowledge presented and take what I can use to better me.
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aStandupguy says:Posted: 06 May 09
I agree with the statements made about us all being one race. The human race. Are we not perpetuating the stereotypes by making comments on race? Scientist mapped out the human genode. Not the white European genode or the black African genode. Eye color, hair color and skin color it's just a physical feature and shouldn't define who we are. I look inward and define who I am. I won't let society tell me.
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Glock says:Posted: 06 May 09
Actually Balance 38 didn't "assume" anything about black men, she commented on HER experiences. Is she not allowed to discuss her personal experiences? I knew exactly what Elliot was doing with his parody, but when Elliot made the insinuation of Balance 38 making "assumptions" that simply was not the truth. Making assumptions is making opinions about something without having all the facts (we ALL do that by the way), Balance 38 commented on things she had first hand knowledge of. I wonder if she would have received the same criticizm from the same people if she said the same comments about whites.
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Jimmydea01 says:Posted: 06 May 09
Ive really enjoyed reading everyones views, IMHO feel everyone is right in thier own experience, which will be different then others depending on where you grew up. All races will be a little different then thier same race because of where they grew up, different music-food-clothing syles etc, in the Millitary you have folks from all over the country and world, and every person is unique and differ in thier own personalitys and likes. BUt you will always have people think they will no more about the people you grew up with more than you, but that is why we all have opinions. I just enjoy learning everyday. Everywomen that has posted hear is dropped dead Gourgous and beautiful and look very confidant and happy with themselves, i cant imagine any one regardless of race not trying to date them. I hope everyone finds that one person thier looking for.
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wmemark09 says:Posted: 06 May 09
I find that the Study holds true to some of the predjudices and it does influence online dating. I also believe a lot of the influence is because this is a popular and familiar stereotype and as you know people tend to gravitate to the stereotypes because they are there and its easier to believe rather than seek out the truth for themselves. Most people frankly do not know what it is they themselves are attracted to or prefer they simply go with the flow as to not upset someone in particular. To me race is not a factor I look for the inner beauty and intelligence of the man. Yes black woman are in my view more sensual and alluring and we definitley can make a man feel intimidated simply because our role in society and history has been to be strong because of our status within our own families. Yes we are nurturing and can make anyone feel good becasue once again our role was to nurture and take care of the everyone within the family. Please do not take this out of context and this is by no means meant for all I am basing this on what history has already played out before us. I lived overseas for nearly 6 years and I have never received so many compliments and offers from a variety of men from various nationalities on a regular. For all of the beautiful black sistahs out there trust me when I say if they could all be like us they would we see it everyday and in everyway and in all walks of life...so now who do you think is the preferred woman of choice?????
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Balance38 says:Posted: 06 May 09
Interesting perception Bibi!I must pay closer attention.
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Bibi says:Posted: 06 May 09I totally agree with this article. I have long ago noticed that WM preference are usually, Latino, Asians or Native Americans. I have used many dating sites and the observation on all have been the same.
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VersatileLaD says:Posted: 05 May 09
I think the problem is that people allow preconceived notions to set boundaries about the race they want to date. Doing this definitely limits the candidates, and only hinders you. I think people should be more open minded. Judge a person for their individual characteristics, not solely the color of their skin. IMO Love should be color-blind. I have my preferences, but they are in no way requirements. I am open to dating any race, as long as they portray the characteristics I want in my ideal mate, and I am compatible with them, then I know that I will be happy!! And another thing is allowing how people will react to your choice....life is too short to be worried what people are going to assume or how they are going to react to you and your love. Live life for yourself, and you will be happy. Live life to please others, and you will find that others are never satisfied.
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hazelpride says:Posted: 05 May 09
Elliot and No player, I totally agree with the part in your blogs when you drive the point home about loving, ourselves. That is the first step of love, unless we love ourselves we can not truly love another. I love being an African black woman I have no regrets being who I am and being in a multi-cultural country as the United Kingdom kind of enhanced this love. True, NO Player I agree 100% with you on the fact that BM have not given the BW enough support to build up their confidence, and so in the end they come across as too strong and assertive because they have so much to bear. The problem is that it appears the burden BW carry is not going to go away until BM realise that they need to change a few things and take their responsibilites as God intended. As ivorycelt said stereotypes, or reasons for stereotyping rather exist for reasons, and through these blog we are being enlighted and getting to appreciate why we are potrayed as we are, and hopeful so are the other people too.
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Venus says:Posted: 05 May 09I don't agree that black women are least preferred. I think that black woman are most preferred but there is alot of taboo associated with it due the negative things that happened in this county before most of us were born. I get some pretty stupid comments from people. I won't even quote them. But I also think that I get more comments because its okay for black men to want *fill in the blank* but not okay for black women to find someone to whom they can relate. I don't just like *fill in the blank* men...I like all men ...and if they are interesting it doesn't matter how they look. I have friends who happen to be white who are in love with dark skin and large lips. I also have friends who happen to be black who like a slender more lilth like type. Me? I like "smart"...period. lol
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ivorycelt says:Posted: 05 May 09
Balance - i am cracking up here. With what you say, and with a name like that - Balance38, i had to go see if you did fit the 'stereotype' or 'Architypical' astrology sun sign - and yes - Libra!!! Amazing. Scales/ Balance/ Wanting to keep all sides happy by presenting a considered but balanced view. Talking about stereotyping in general. Stereotyping DOES exist, at least in the world at large, there is no point trying to change that which you cannot change. The only thing one can change is how you re-spond or re-act to it. Some people fall into the mold, others take the challenge to prove the 'popular' view as wrong or missguided and go to great lengths to prove so - either way, we are all affected by it in one way or another and to varing degrees. Life as a human ehh.
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Balance38 says:Posted: 05 May 09
Elliot, When all is said and done we as individual will always have an opnion. You have a right to think the way you choose, that's why we are in America. It is not so much of what one thinks of you,but what is important is what one thinks of himself.I don't have to prove anything to you or anyone else and vice versal. I just have to be content in whom I am. I stand by my word and opnion.As you do yours.Best regards to all.
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ivorycelt says:Posted: 05 May 09
Wow No Player. Bang on - Stereotypes DO exist - and 99% of time for good reason. The 'stereotypical' image communicates what Carl Jung would call an 'architype' - Something which we all instinctivly understand, even if no such single person/ thing actually exists. Anyway - apart from that, NO player has brilliantly communicated what i understand as the reason. I think everyone here has to stop seeing 'stereotyping' as bad - it just 'IS' ok. There are always two sides to a coin. For me, the stereotype - or rather the reasons behind the stereotype, are exactly the reason why i am attracted. Sure some may be, but for me i am not so nieve as to think all BW fit the positive - But when no player says ...."I can understand the, ” Come right or don’t come at all”, attitude so many of our women have, Lord knows it’s warranted."....... God that so hits a chord. So BW please, dont think you are wrong because you are in the minority, hell no, you just want a real man, dont appologise. Your strength comes for exactly that reason and as far as the generalisation goes, i for one am hugely proud of you all - respect! Sure there may not be any real men out there for you, black or white - but heh, you only want one dont you?. AND if you were as mass desirable as Britney Spears ...w ell you just wouldnt be who you are. Dont think i could say anything more that could add to no player above - spot on! Dave
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 05 May 09Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? I think they do to a certain degree, particularly in relation to BW, I cant speak on Asian because I don't really know them but BW, you bet! The media has partrayed the BW as too strong, too assertive, bitter, and a long list of others. You find these types amongst all women but for some reason or another the BW seem to get this bad rap more than other women. If you look at and study the circumstances that has shaped many BW it's easy the understand why some of them my display these characteristics. Often times she's carried the world on her shouldlers and as had to bear more than her fair share. At times BW have lacked the support of their own men and many times they've had to carry his weight as well as her own. BW have had to not only fight asgainst the racism from others but they've often had to fight against the disrespect from the very men they've loved and nurtured all these years and that along could breed resentment. To have peolple partray you other than what you are has made many BW women LOUD and assertive in an attemp to define who and what they are and not allow others put them in a certain bag. I can understand the, " Come right or don't come at all", attitude so many of our women have, Lord knows it's warranted. I say this to make it known to men of other ethnic groups and BM as well that might be intimidated or hesitant to date BW, that she's (BW) just like other women, but yet she's different, time and circumstances had molded her into who she is. If you want to trully know her you have to undertsand her history and how she's been shaped but despite all that, I find BW to be very loving, devoted (sometimes too devoted), passionate, and nurturing. If you're looking for someone to keep quite when she's got something to say, forget it! If you want someone to put up with your sh*t, it wont happen. If you're looking for someone play the back ground, get real! With most SISTERS what you see is what you get and if you find that it's too much for you, maybe you should look elsewhere because if you wont take the chance to get to know her but rely on what others tell you or what you see on TV, then that's your fault and not hers. I'll say this and I'm done, if you let stereotypes and all that other foolishness keep you for going after what you want, you only short change yourself!
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 05 May 09
@jrlocks33 Elliot cracked me up with his parady because I knew he was onto something. I knew I wasn't the only one that noticed alot of BW feel they have to justify their dating choices. It also hurts me when we tear eachother down and it sometimes leads me to wonder, do we (BW & BM) trully dislike eachother?? Lord knows we're not going to always date eachother and thats fine but we have to degarade eachother. I'd hope some of us wouldn't be crazy enough to think that by talking down on eachother you somehow gain points with the one you date, not true. This type of behavior is also a turn off to many because people have enough sense to know, "to dislkie your root is to dislike yourself" and who wants to be bothered with someone filled with self-hatred. When it comes to stereotypes about us we as blacks I know there's a bit of truth to them. Now me personally as a BM I see us as family and so I don't take it too personal when one member of the family airs the dirty laundry of another but I don't care to see or hear someone else doing it but hey it's a free country or blog! Peace!
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jrlocks33 says:Posted: 05 May 09
LMAO... I know it's not funny but it sure damn well is... Elliot... WELL DONE... Honeykissed6... Well SAID! This has surely turned into a wonderflog blog because in it you truly get to see the stereostyp of black people misunerstood and who misunderstands... I read statements over and over throughout this blog where people time & time againjustify the RACE of men they date & I keep asking myself why? If you truly don't see their color then why do you see the need to justify your choices... Why just not embrace the PERSON and move on? I have mentioned before the fact that it is distressing to me to hear BW denounce their own just as it is to hear the same of BM.... Whatever race you choose to date should be made on what it is that that PERSON offers you (SPIRITUALL, EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, HYSICALL and YES.... FINANCIALLY (let's all be real about things)) MY OPINION!!! ;-o) The sad thing (and I am only PERSONALLY speaking) is that ELLIOTS parody is true and unfortunately so is his subsequent arguements but once again Honeykissed6 put her fingertips to the keyboard and voiced MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY (& I applaud you for that). We as black people get upset when a non-black person voices the same stereotypes about us that we do ourselves. we get vocal and offended yet time and time again throughout this blog these same stereotypes have been mentioned by black people and there is no real uproar... Not all black people are as "ig'nant" as the ghetto phenomenon but yes, there are some... I just really wish that as a black woman I coud be judged by words before my fate is solidified by where I came from... I love my black men because I came from one, grew up with them, was proteted by them, cherished by them, rejected by them, admired by them and without them their would be no me. But like Honeykissed6 said you have to love yourself more... & if that means moving beyond a black man to find someone else that can fulfill all your needs then so be it. But for me that doesn't mean that I would never date a BM again it only means that the next one I date won't be like the last 1 I dated... I can't hold a whole race blame for the sins of one because if I did that then I would never date a WM again. I'm just saying if one is truly looking for love then you are not looking for a color...
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HoneyKissed6 says:Posted: 05 May 09
Elliot - I did re-read and its an excellent parody! Thankfully, you don't actually feel that way though it can be true of some.
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HoneyKissed6 says:Posted: 05 May 09
Elliot- I did re-read and can appreciate the sarcasm/humor of it. Even as a woman, I can understand the stereotypes. Thankfully, you weren't serious, but it can inspire others to take a closer look at themselves to let ignorance and bitterness rest in peace.
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Elliot says:Posted: 04 May 09
My comment was not directed towards who you date and please do not try to use that as a crutch to back track from your rather unfounded comments regarding what Black men are not and what White men are. To express that one particular race is more as I quote "more compassionate,less aggressive, more recessive to listening, in a sense more open-minded and well rounded" implies that you beleive in your mind Black Men are not. That belief you have is totally unfounded. Skin tone does not denote a persons mental psyche or propensity to act a certain way. So when I heard a comment like yours I had to joke about it because to respond to it in a serious manner might build you leverage for your argument that Black men seem to be ore (hostile) opps I mean aggressive. And I definetly cannot take your advice to respond back in a serious manner because as you suggested that mean I listened (and we all know those people dont listen). I really want to comply with your request but as you pointed out I find it hard to be (more civilized) opps I mean open minded opps or well rounded. This set of circumstance poses quite a conundrum. Perhaps I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with no where to go. Hmmm... I know I will have cmpassion for your wacked view of African Amercan men which goes against my shirt ripping off chest beating aggressive nature.
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What a interesting discussion. I always find such topics interesting. I thought I might share my own story with you. I am happily married with two children. However I can very much relate to many of the posters here. Myself, I have always found Middle Eastern women attractive. I am not sure why. There is no one trait that I can point out to explain why this is the case. It just is. The problem? I am Catholic. Most (not all, but dam near all)middle eastern girls are going to be Muslim. So you can imagine the dilemma I faced in trying to 1)Not only date outside my race (European American)but also 2)most likely outside my religioun. Anyway, to make a long story short, I dated a few Assyrian ladies, a few Lebanese women,and a Morrocan girl. These were all Christians. I had a good time with all of them. Conversation was good, the ladies were attractive, kind, they were just all around good human beings. Then, I met the women who would one day become my wife. I knew I loved her when I first laid eyes on her. She was beautiful beyond belief. She was Muslim of Iranian extraction. Anyway, my mother (Italian American) flipped out when I told her that I was seeing a Iranian girl who was Muslim. My father (Russian American)threatened to disown me (And for all intents and purposes has disowned me). This conduct by my family surprised me. My brother's wife is Mexican and my father is inseperable from my brothers kids. My Mexican sister in law is one of the family. She refers to my mother as mom and is closer to my mother than my own sister is. I dated all kinds of girls in the past. I dated a filipino girl, Puerto Rican girls, and a Mexican girl in the past and both of my parents were fine with it. They welcomed all my non-white ethnic (for lack of a better term) female friends with open arms. They raised me to be tolerant of those who were different from me. They just could not get their head around me dating a women who happened to be Muslim. Anyway, that was ten years ago. I have been married to her for 8 years and have two wonderful children. My mother talks to me and has a little bit of a relationship with my wife and children. My father has not phoned me since the wedding 8 years ago and does not achkowledge my children as his grand children because they are Muslim. Dating someone from another culture (not only race) can be very trying. You can lose many whom you thought were close to you. If I could do it all over again I would not change a thing. "I love my life, and I love my wife". I wish the best for everyone who is seeking that special someone.