9 months, 5 dating profiles, 0 dates. Is she an online dating failure?

Posted by Ria, 06 Oct

"I expected life after college to be hard... However, I did not expect that my dating life would be this difficult," writes Patrice Bendig, Philadelphia-based writer. "Online dating has made me feel more alone and rejected than ever... For the life of me, I cannot get a date. Just typing that sentence stung."

Patrice Bendig 25, spent 9 months on 5 of the most popular dating sites known to most of us. And in return: Not even a single date came out of it.

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The thing is: She isn’t weird or anything; let’s begin with the fact that she is a Philadelphia-based writer living in a metropolitan neighborhood. "As a writer and a marketer, it should have been almost effortless to create a dazzling dating profile. No awkward pick-up lines, or reading between the lines," she says. And having read her article and seen her pictures, she is cute; her online bio seemed great to me. And you would think that it would be easy for her to meet men.

"Over a span of a week, I reached out to 10 different guys, crafting short but thoughtful messages. Radio silence followed," says Bendig. "Determined, I scoped out more matches, reached out and waited for a bite. Nope -- it ended up being another round of rejections. So really, it was like being shot down by 20 consecutive times. Twenty men that were perfect for me based on my personality and interests were not interested in me even though I "looked" and "sounded" my best. Even at my best I was not desirable. To someone who struggles with self-esteem issues on an hourly basis, this was a kick in the gut."

So what really went wrong?

Well, Bendig admits to have received two messages from men that were not her type and none from those she felt were her match. I have no idea whether she contacted these men. Maybe this was why she never got a date out of it because she was quick to write them off as "not her type".

"I was positive switching out profile photos, having my best friend pen a wittier "about me" summary and broadening my "match" settings would make a world of difference to potential suitors." Well that didn't do it either.

What do you think was putting off all these eligible bachelors? Does this make her a dating failure? Is something wrong with her? Are there people here who share in her experience?

Well follow link and read her interview about her online dating calamities and share your thoughts, comments and experiences.

3 responses to "9 months, 5 dating profiles, 0 dates. Is she an online dating failure?"

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  1.   Septembe09 says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 14

    The fault with online dating - unlike the good old pen-pal days, is that everything is INSTANT. I remember growing up and knowing people who had pen-pals. It was not uncommon for one pen-pal to focus on one other pen-pal that he/she found interest in. It quickly helped the two to develop something meaningful because they spent time searching out each other as opposed to getting blindsided by dozens of other prospects. However, nowadays, we are saturated with so many profiles all at once that it's easy - or apparently so for men - to get lost in the "visual mode" and forget about searching the soul. There's also that imaginary fear that a man tends to have "of loving one woman for the rest of his life". I guess when he SEES so many options he can't help but think that the clock is not ticking for him. He'll live forever, then suddenly the right girl will just come along. He doesn't have to put in any effort. After all, he's immortal; she's the one who has to catch up. It makes one wonder, Did God create Eve for Adam? I guess He created Adam for Eve instead...if you know what I mean. So, if that's the case, then men apparently think that they're God's gift(s) and not the other way around. I guess that's why nothing this woman in the article does is good enough. She's not the prize, "he" is. It's a shame how far we have fallen from REASON. It's a further shame that we "must" impress the male ego before succeeding at reaching the male heart. Personally, I find it distasteful how shallow we are and how boldface at the same time. We want it all but we give so little of our time and ourselves for fear of hurt. It's a selfish and destructive way to think and act.

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  2.   Qey says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 14

    Honestly, I believe a lot of people are just lust filled, and are looking for lust filled people to fulfill their physical needs. 'Some' of these people will look at a women for looks to see if they will be sexually attracted to them, or some just want a trophy looking girlfriend just to say that they have a pretty woman. I have scoured several profiles from sites, and I see the underlying hints on a lot of men's profiles. Most people do want to get to know you for who you are, but according to the vibes that people give out on their profiles, I am lead to believe "most" people do not want commitment, and the deep things in a relationship. They want sex, and they are not being forthright with that. I wish all that are reading this, the partner that they are meant to be with; it does feel awful when you see these success stories on the sites, but you are not one of them. Total feeling of rejection.

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  3.   girlygirl28 says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 14

    Yes, I share her problem. I have been online dating for a while now and I only receive messages from guys I'm not attracted to and have no interest in. I spent two years with an ex boyfriend that I really wasn't attracted to; just so that I could be coupled. It's miserable to be in a relationship with someone that you don't find interesting or attractive and when he wanted to touch me, I just cringed. I know it was very unfair to him; because he was a nice guy, but you can't control who you're attracted to. Any advice anyone, any suggestions?

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