Are educated black men really commitment-phobic?

Posted by Ria, 23 Nov 10

commitment phobia

So many bad things have been said about Black men and most of them are just but generalizations which totally aren't true about all Black men. Its really unfair how people tend to lump people up just because they come from the same race. Well, one of these untrue things about black men – especially the educated ones – is that they are scared of commitment.

In my opinion, I don’t believe Black men are scared of commitment – at least they shouldn’t be used as the greatest example of the demography that’s scared of commitment. Question is… Won’t you be scared of committing to the wrong person?

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

See, this is where people go wrong. Just like everyone else out there, Black men want commitment but are terrified of committing to the wrong kind of girl. Black men are well aware of the distressing cost of committing to the wrong person. It can ruin your self esteem and ruin how you conduct yourself and ruin life.

This perception that black men are commitment phobic has been sighted as the reason why most black women are single. And the decision of any successful Black man to take it slow or feeling he isn’t ready to settle down is automatically construed as lack of interest in settling down. But if you break it down, it’s all sober thinking and being practical about relationships.

I think what’s worse that being dubbed "commitment phobic", is committing and being stuck in a horrifying, soul-sucking, self-esteem-crushing relationship.

10 responses to "Are educated black men really commitment-phobic?"

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  1.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    I am with Cynamyn82 on this one. It depends on the man and his social upbringing. If he didn't have a father in the home that could play a role in his decision when he becomes successfull. If his parents were married it may also depend on the perceptions he observed between his parents that may render him gun shy. I think that black men work so hard to become successful that they may just put all their focus on becoming successful and avoiding anything that could possibly hinder them, in some cases (can't speak for all). I can't say I blame them. Hey, if he graduates college, gets a great position with a firm, and has avoided the baby mama drama issues I think we should just give him a thumbs up for that alone and be happy for him. He will settle down when he finds the right one. No need to rush. At least he got past the stereo type that is over the heads of so many of our black men in the US. Main thing is when he does decide to settle down he will have all the financial things in place to provide comfortably for himself and his family. My thoughts.

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  2.   kissime says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 10

    jahsymeon, If I were speaking to you my comment would had been addressed to you. My comment is posted...once again, Not to you. But If you are, you believe, therefore, you react. I speak of 3 blind mice & the blind man takes offense. Is he offended because he is blind & fits the characteristics of 3 rats? Not my problem. It is however, natural of him to attack & take a snip spreading his disease, unfortunately, without true reasons. I’m giving you the benefit of doubt that you’re not just lashing out as a defense mechanism against your own insecurities, jahsymeon. I'm not doubting you may possess an ink of raw intelligence, but your thinking habits are extremely poor. I do not make a habit of indulging in the nonsense you are constantly displaying with your BOLD Marks--simply turning most OFF!! ...oops there goes that irrational suspiciousness again. I am a seeker of intelligence. I look for a man who is mentally stimulating. And, yes, I am very attracted to WHITE MEN. Now Push ON, jahsymeon. I am writing to you. I suggest you pick your battles wisely, BROTHER, NOT! Do Not dare write to me-again. You do not matter. I will ignore you because it is easy to do so. ...Now, SHOO FLY!!!!!

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    • Cynamyn82 says:
      Posted: 04 Dec 10

      LMAO....Kissime you are hilarious! There is nothing worse that an idiot who thinks he has a valid point to make.

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  3.   jahsymeon says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 10

    @Kiss me: Sista what are you talking about, who's crying and bitter? No ones blaming nobody, i'm giving clear detailed examples of bruthaz that aren't afraid of commitment, but at the same time what alot of us go through in the process of being committed. If you or any other sista can't handle a brutha speaking the truth and exposing reality then I really think you all don't need to be in any of these rooms where adults express their views on interesting discussions.... Again nobody on here never disrespected no sistaz, are you okay???? smh this is a prime example why a smart educated man wouldn't commit to someone such as yourself. Your so quick to jump to conclusions and think somebody has issues within themselves when really you have a problem with comprehending the point one is making in a simple discussion.... This discussion is about"BLACKMEN"which I am, so me giving a clear view of how we're not afraid of commitment does not show anything with me or anybody being bitter, crying, pointing fingers etc it is what it is... I'm not the one on this site discriminating on any ethnicity of a woman, but I see you discriminating with"BLACKMEN"now who is bitter, and full of hate???? Just an example of someone that's bitter... TOPIC: And to set all of you straight on this topic, It takes two to make a relationship work also to keep each other satisfied so one wouldn't have to cheat and get with somebody that best fulfill ones needs . If the male give 60 to the female 40 or vise versa, of course it's not going to work. Clearly it's a 50/50 commitment that's required, so it doesn't just depend on a brutha it depends on both male and female, as for how hard both are willing to work as a team to make the relationship everlasting... That being said, alot of people males and females also different ethnicities aren't interested in being committed due to the liking of being single and having fun not being tide down with one person. So the whole thing with a brutha being scared is another way to put out there that"BLACKMEN"are weak which is a bunch bull...

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  4.   kissime says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 10

    The question is, Are educated black men really commitment-phobic? Not: how bitter are you base on your failed relationships? I can only speak of the black men I know-the black men in my family. No, the black men that I know- in my family are not commitment-phobic. And yes, they are all educated. And I have never heard them speak badly of women. I think a lot of people need to stop pointing fingers-blaming everyone else for their failure. Start taking responsibilities for their actions. Take sometime to get to understand somethings before running off crying wolf....or 'the sky is falling' "Look what they've done to me. Poor me" And if they just can't get it...get therapy prior to getting in a new relationship . We know you know your ABC's No need to prove it. Dust yourself up and be a better person.

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  5.   chocolate09 says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 10

    A lot of them are afraid educated or not.

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  6.   jahsymeon says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 10

    ARE EDUCATED BLACKMEN REALLY COMMITMENT-PHOBIC?? Of course not!!! Most of us bruthaz are loyal and true and want nothing more then to settle down with that special someone... Alot of us have been the ones to be truly faithful and do all for that woman who we adore and want to be with. It all boils down to, the ones that we get in a relationship with, really don't know what they want, that's why so many are still single, never married or even asked to marry, at the ages 25 and up!!! And us"BLACKMEN"aren't afraid to commit what so ever, but dealing with a woman and having so much interest in working as a team to fulfill are dreams together. We work so hard to satisfy her but at the same time forget the games that women play!!! Not going to be ignorant to say all women, but many are good at deceiving us gentlemen and take advantage of whatever they can get out of us. And when it becomes a steady pattern of the same thing being gentlemen they get bored and say"YOU'RE TO NICE THIS RELATIONSHIP ISN'T WORKING"smh and move on to the next guy that they can prey on and use for what he has financially to benefit them by all means.... Speaking from my observations out here in california!!!!

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  7.   Cynamyn82 says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 10

    That depends on the man as an individual.

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