Are your first online messages butchering your chances of romance?

Posted by Ria, 08 Sep

first online messagesPerfect profile photo? Check! Killer profile? Check! Super fly? Check! See, that is how most of us weed out the not-my-types on online dating sites. Yes, you seem to have it all that's for sure. So why are you failing miserably in your online dating efforts?

In an article “Online dating? Why no one wants you” published on CNNTech, Andrea Bartz and Brenna Ehrlich say the answer lies in the content of your first online messages. Being super attractive wont count if the message you send to your potential beau highlights the negative. Below are a few personality traits Bartz and Ehrlich came up with that are highlighted by those messages we send and the reason “Why no one wants you”:

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2) The autobiographer

Example: Hi! My name is Sandi! I moved to L.A. from Oklahoma a couple of months ago and, I have to say, I'm lovin' it! I just adore walking my 6-year-old Pomeranian, Marshmallow, along Venice Beach!

I'm currently working as a receptionist at a dentist's office, but when I'm not answering all those phones, I really enjoy kicking back with some Lilian Jackson Braun (that cat is SO SMART, solving all those mysteries). Oh! Did I mention I majored in Life Sciences in college and lost my virginity at age 27? Anyway, tell me about YOU!

Why no one wants you: Well, what else is there to find out? We kind of feel like we've already dated you, and we were bored the first time around.

You wouldn't sit down at a bar and tell someone your life story (that role is reserved for the old and deranged), so choose something you and the dude have in common and start with that. There's plenty of time later to run out of things to say.

This one I am soo guilty of. I always thought being this honest is what people really want … an open book. Well, I kinda understand why it might freak someone out. Imagine opening some mail from a stranger only to find their whole life history. Plus, some of it comes off as plain bragging. And who wants a blow-off right from the onset?

3). The "eccentric"

Example: Holy Cheezburgers! You sure are a purty lady! I would love to take you down to the playground and push you on the swings! And then we can go to the zoo! Or to the ocean to build a giant sand castle by the sea!

I'll stomp on it and you'll be pissed, but you'll get over it because I'm just so gosh-darned charming. (I'll also be wearing a rather irresistible bow tie -- with a motor!) Write me back, sweet child o' mine -- that sure would be fine (that rhymed!).

Why no one wants you: We are afraid you will murder us in our sleep. Hey, it's great that you're a nonconformist who has his own trained tarantula circus, and any girl who's into well-behaved bugs is sure to dig you, but trying too hard to be interesting is just that: trying too hard.

Muhahaha! That rhymed? Ok that really cracked me up.

5). The creeper

Example: I want to ****** ***** with your **** ******. And then ***** **** all night long. Oh, here's a picture of my junk.

Why no one wants you: We'll let you know after we examine that snapshot. Kidding (maybe). You know that section where the girl/guy has indicated what s/he's "looking for"? Unless "casual sex" is listed, cease and desist with the sexting.

Even I don’t bother with such. Like Bartz and Ehrlich said, unless casual sex is what one is looking for… Plus this can fly if you are on AdultFriendFinder or some site like that… One specifically for people looking to ******* ***** with your **** ******

7). The wordless wonder

Example: You have been added to PatrickBatemanIsTheMan's Favorite's List!

Why no one wants you: This is the grown-up equivalent of asking your friend's friend to ask me if I like you -- but, you know, not so grown-up. Man up and say something, while avoiding numbers 1 through 6, that is.

(Read the rest on CNNTech)

Do some of these sound familiar, like something you write to everyone you are interested in, only to find an empty inbox every time you log in? To be honest, I am guilty as charged. Well, let’s hope this makes us re-evaluate our online dating strategies and see how it goes. Unless of course you want to end up ********** alone for the rest of your life. ;-)

1 responses to "Are your first online messages butchering your chances of romance?"

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  1.   AuroraIN says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 11

    We all should take careful note of the possible interpretation of our profiles by the people we intend to attract. I am constantly editing my profile, yet I never believe I have it the way it should be. I think I am guilty of giving too much information or emphasizing parts of my character that will only scare away precisely the type of person I want to attract. So, I take the profile-writing advice very seriously. I literally comb through hundreds of men's profiles daily; I may spend 30-40 minutes at a time reading profiles carefully. More often than not, I catch myself laughing aloud and saying, "Give me a break!" There is a lot of unintended humor in some profiles. I edit mine every few days trying to avoid those same mistakes. I will continue to edit mine, because the truth is, don't we intend to create a profile to attract the person we're seeking? To cut down my time reading profiles, I have created a sorting system that allows me to jump directly to the profiles of people I think I may be interested in. Basically, I have a long list of deal-breakers, that essentially, come down to 3 "types": pictures, clichés, and the yet-to-be-classified comments. The tragic comedy that is my online dating life is summarily characterized by the hits and misses. These “types”, will be classified under the “misses” chapter of my book. I will not read the profiles, I decided, of men who wear sunglasses or baseball caps, have shots that are too close, too far away, have odd shapes or perspectives, include a picture of their car, motorcycle or boat, is a self portrait ingeniously taken with a cell phone with the aid of a bathroom mirror IF I can see the phone on the reflection of the mirror, or if the profile is accompanied by a shot of his bare chest or abs, or any other picture that suggests that he may be nude from the waist down. These pictures tell me he’s hiding, pretending, bragging, and/or too lazy to edit. The clichés often cause me to chuckle a bit or roll my eyes, as I scroll down to the next profile. For that reason, I will not read the profiles of any men who characterize themselves or state that they are searching for classy people; queens and/or princesses; desire chocolate, coffee or cocoa (rolling eyes as I type); try to keep it real and are laid back; want to be spoiled; lack completion and need to find their partner in crime. But, what gets me every time is when someone declares himself or is looking for “the classic ______” (fill in the blank) , which is most likely an astronomical sign. I question the motives of anyone who includes any of those phrases in their headlines or profiles. Obviously, I am not the girl for these guys. But, that search for “the classic _______” reminds me of the comedy central animated show “Drawn Together” character Xandir, whose goal was to save the captured princess and he always declared “I’m on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend!” If you know the show, you may get the reference and the irony. But the yet-to-be classified type list of deal-breakers is still being compiled, but sometimes, when I see these headlines, I wonder who is the target audience? I think most men work out frequently and that’s what makes them have such beautiful bodies and they are proud of that and I can see why. But, when someone declares his workout habits in his profile, my immediate reaction is: he’s warning me that he’ll not have time for me or that he actually meant to impress the other guys. So, I ask myself what do I do with this information? The absolute worst of them all is rarely seen in my particular search results, but seeing it once is already too often, and that’s the discussion of one’s sexual prowess. I mean, come on, really, guys? Really? There are so many comments that come to mind, after the initial guffaw, of course. 1) Just because you wrote it down, does that make it true? 2) How little substance you must have to your character that you can only advertise something that can’t be validated before meeting you in person; and of course, 3) what do I do with this information? As I said before, we create our profiles with a certain type of person in mind, so I know that those men aren’t looking for me because if they were, they’d be editing their profiles as often as I do.

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