How to explain Asexual Dating to a 3rd party?

Posted by Sidney, 31 Jul

Asexual dating is something that is slowly garnering recognition all over the world. And much as there are some rough statistics about the percentage in general, the number is definitely higher. Are you wondering what being asexual means? Read on...

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What is asexual dating?

In order to understand this, one needs to answer this question: What is an asexual person? Generally, people who identify as asexual don't experience sexual attraction. The other name for asexual people is aces. This doesn't mean that they don't date or that they only date among themselves. There are some who date non asexual people. Well, InterracialDating has prepared some questions and answers that can assist you understand this better...

Is asexuality an orientation?

Just like heterosexuality or  homosexuality asexuality is a sexual orientation. And its mainly about what someone feels towards another, or who someone is attracted to. It has got nothing to do with what someone does. To put it simply, its about Attraction not Action.

Is there an asexual spectrum?

Yes. there is an asexual spectrum just like with any sexual orientation. The degree and experiences vary. Some people will call themselves purely asexual while there are those that consider themselves as both asexual and aromantic. Aromantic means they don't experience romantic attraction. The two don't always go together.

Most asexual people experience attraction. However, this attraction isn't sexual. It could be romantic, sensual, aesthetic... (just not sexually driven).

There are so many things that aces can do that don't require sexual attraction. For instance, some date, some fall in love, some get married and have children, some do masturbate and have orgasms, others do have sex. The thing is: Its all about ones preferences and personality. They don't exist under one blanket.

So what is asexual dating?

Asexual dating doesn't necessarily mean a relationship between two aces. There are quite a  number who date people who are not aces. And they can be attracted to any gender. The thing is people always misunderstand asexuality. The thing is, just because someone doesn't experience sexual attraction doesn't mean that they don't get lonely or that they don't want intimacy. They want to be loved, cuddled, cared for... they want companionship too. And this is where dating comes in.

Asexual relationship definition

This is a relationship or partnership where sex is unimportant. In fact  most asexuals have no gender preference when searching for prospective partners. They can have romantic attraction in either sexes or even both.

How to tell if someone is asexual?

Its simple. Just ask yourself: Do you feel sexual attraction? If the answer is No, then you are. However, some people might argue, how can you really know that you have no sexual feelings if you have never experienced them? Well, below are some questions suggested on the What Is Asexuality site:

Are you generally disinterested in sex?

Is your interest in sex more scientific than emotional?

Do you feel left out or confused when others discuss sex?

If you had sex, did you think it was dull or boring, and not the amazing experience other people made it out to be?

Have you ever had to pretend to be interested in someone in order to fit in?

Have you ever felt “broken” because you don’t experience sexual feelings like those around you?

Have you ever felt that you were straight “by default” or that you were bi or pan because you were equally (dis)interested in all genders?

Have you ever gone out with someone or had sex because you felt “that’s what you’re supposed to do?”

There are no outward signs or ways to tell if someone else is asexual. The only way you can know is if they tell you. So don't start making assumptions. Simply ask!

Is asexual dating easy?

The stigma and misconceptions that people have about asexuality can make dating for aces quite a challenge. When searching for prospective mates, asexuality is a deal breaker for most people. It's better to have this conversation as soon as you meet someone you are romantically attracted to before you drag a relationship for too long only to discover that its a deal breaker.

The other issue that might make dating a bit hard is that when someone who isn't asexual expresses their interest in you, one thing that might make someone not pursuing it is feeling that they might never be enough or that they might not meet their expectations fully. So some aces self-sabotage such opportunities of a relationship and walk away before giving it a chance.

Can a relationship between an asexual and a non-asexual person work?

Yes. The key to making it work it to establish open communication, set out your expectations from the word go and respect and define your own boundaries. Make sure both of you are doing what you both want.

Are there asexual celebrities?

Yes. Here are a few asexual celebrities we know: Tim Gunn (the Project Runway),  Paula Poundstone (Comedian), Karl Lagerfeld (Channel designer), Janeane Garofalo, among others...

Read this article about how people see celebrity gay interracial relationships

1 responses to "How to explain Asexual Dating to a 3rd party?"

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  1.   Etaiwo says:
    Posted: 6 days ago

    These are all good advice,,,, wow I think the best way to explain to 3rd party is by allowing him to know what you are passing through,, you don't need to hide anything if he/she is the only one to assist you from the truma

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