Is it really necessary to justify dating interracially? Who cares?

Posted by Ria, 18 Jun

"Why do I date white women?" Ernest Baker begins his article: "The Reality Of Dating White Women When You're Black".

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

"Nobody cares that you date white girls" is the article Britni Danielle, Freelance Writer and Blogger writes in response "……or Black men, or Black women, or Asian women, or Latino men,"she adds.

The two articles ignited a discussion on the Huffington Post seeking to answer the question: "Should Blacks Stop Justifying Interracial Love?"

So why is it that quite a number of blacks feel the need to justify why they date interracially? (Or why they don't)

Baker writes:

"I never consciously set out to date white women. My attraction to them was likely a natural response to my environment… All I saw around me were white girls. I thought this girl was hot because of her freckles and I thought that girl was hot because of her soft hair or whatever and I just wasn't in fifth grade thinking about the racial ramifications of features that I found attractive."

He says he never really thinks about race when dating then goes on to add:

"The thing is, I have to consider that while I've hooked up with women of other races, just about all of my girlfriends in life, since I was 13, have been white. What does that even mean? Am I secretly one of those black guys who thinks white women are better and hotter and I'm just not ignorant enough to admit it? … I went to a black high school and I wasn't on any of that thug shit and I'm not saying all black women want thugs, but at my high school, a lot of them did and they didn't really care about me."

See, its ok to date whoever you want. And honestly I think no one owes anyone an explanation. Whether you believe you were wired that way from the womb; who really cares? I believe people are attracted to people who work for them… No need to justify that.

But one thing I really have an issue with is: Why do some of us interracial daters justify our dating interracially by talking negatively about why we don't date our race? 'I don’t date _____ men because…' We NEGATIVELY lump all women and men of our own races (or the races we don’t date for that matter) collectively. Are all of them really like that?

Its like Baker above; insinuating that most black girls in his high school liked thugs; trying to justify why he didn’t date them… trying to make people believe he didn’t consciously reject them.

Don't get me wrong. I date interracially too. But it dawned on me a few years back that I don't need to justify it because I know, there is nothing wrong I am doing. Justifying it means that I feel I aint doing right.

Baker says: "Most people have it wrong." But his justifications make his whole article feel like he is on trial defending himself. Its like subconsciously, he feels interracial dating is wrong... like he is still living in the Virginia vs Loving days.

Do we owe other people explanations for our dating choices? Should we justify dating interracially? Watch the full discussion on the Huffington Post.

13 responses to "Is it really necessary to justify dating interracially? Who cares?"

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  1. Posted: 05 Aug 14

    Life is too short to be distracted by the insecurities of racist bigots that feel they own women by virtue of their own racial identity. Its racist bigotry, and racial jealousy.. nothing more, next subject please.

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  2.   ergam34 says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 14

    no there is no reason to justify it.. if someone doesnt like it they dont have to... and there is no reason to keep making it an issue... there is nothing wrong with it and there is no laws against it

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  3.   TriChique says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 14, but I have had quite a few trolls on another website really feel the need to write me long messages about my preferences.

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  4.   C.N.1960 says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 14

    I think it is a very sad day when we have to justify who we like and are attracted too regardless of skin color and religious beliefs .We are all unique people and all nationalities and if it is someone you happen to fall in love with . I don't see any reason at all anybody needs to justify anything too anyone.

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  5. Posted: 02 Jul 14

    It's not necessary to justify why you're dating anyone! Unless, of course, you're insecure about why your doing it!

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  6.   Dknsweet1 says:
    Posted: 01 Jul 14

    So glad to see this topic discussed; however as long as there is ignorance in the world , there will always be thise who have a need to "justify" their dating preferences/ chioces. I for one will attempt to justify why I date white men when it becomes obligatory for me to justify why I prefer butter pecan icecream over strawberry & why I prefer chicjen over steak!

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  7.   dave_74 says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 14

    I have also seen lots of YouTube videos on this. People going so far as making a complete series of videos on why women (or men) of color A are better than color B, etc. I think they may be a bit insecure about their choices and may feel the need for justification. Of course the media / film industry doesn't help with multiple movies on the topic such as "Something New" Date/ Marry who you want. No need to justify it to anyone even close family and friends, that is your decision....but once we go on YouTube, then I think there may be some insecurities.

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  8.   lolcat82 says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 14

    I've seen a lot of YouTube videos by Caucasian women (and men) explaining why they date interracially. As such, I don't agree with the phrasing of the question in the right column. Blacks this, Whites that - why not people?

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  9. Posted: 22 Jun 14

    We don't owe other people any explanation for our dating choices. The big question is: What brought such question in the 1st place? This is a preference formed with life experience and other reasons you can't explain them clearly. So better not bother yourself about it.

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  10.   DebzR says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 14

    I agree with Ms Britni - - why does anyone like anyone? Because of common ideas, activities, cultural aspects. Black people don't like black people *just* because they're black.

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