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Love sees no color or Lust sees no color

Posted by Ria, 12 Nov

"I don't discriminate in who I date casually," says Lamarr, an African American guy. "But I do discriminate in who I date seriously. And I am going to marry a Black woman. Socially and culturally that's who I identify with."

When I came across this statement it kind of answered why there is a discrepancy between attitudes towards interracial dating and actual interracial marriages. College life presents an interracial dating field and people tend to have interracial sex and dates for various reasons. Lust… adventure… name it.

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Much as statistics show that successful Black men are four times more likely to be married to women who are not Black than they were thirty years ago, in reality, the actual marriages that occur are actually much fewer than we expect.

Going by Lamarr’s sentiments, there seems to be a difference between interracial love and interracial lust. It seems that the person you choose to date casually doesn’t really have to be your ideal mate. Anyway it’s casual right?

So what happens when one is actually out there looking for someone to spend the rest of their lives with? Do people usually have the same sentiments about interracial relationships as they had back in college?

And if one was comfortable dating someone from a different race in college, what influences the change in attitude when looking for THE ONE! Family? Society? Or is it just a choice?

Tags: marriage and dating, interracial lust

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  1.   daddylov says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 09

    Wow i know its fairly late for comment but I have to. I am a navy man and have been a lot of places. I've been with my share of woman of several nationalities. I had fun with all of them. Met family and friend of my partners at that time. Some family hated the thought of there daughters being with me other didn't mind. I have learned a lot from all of them. Sex was always different with them all. Hell I learned a lot of different for play. Witch I still use. I feel by have a few different relationship out side my race made a difference n my life. I could go on for ever but the thing is this. I love all woman. My best time was n Spain and hope to go back. I travel a lot more know n I love all woman. I'm single now because of my life experiences n other countries as well as my own. Love who u want u must b the one happy. Daddy love

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  2.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 09

    A man and a woman sitting across a table eating a meal , B'fast , Lunch or Dinner these are Date Ting words

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  3.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 09

    Color and Love are just two different words .

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  4.   mr.curious says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 08

    as a rule, peoople Do what they Can do!. What i mean is that they "take" the best they can get. I think tyra banks is gorgeous but aunt jemima is not. Its about looking good not neccesarily lighter or darker. hell, brad pitt once dated a black woman because she was hot and he probably had alot of whiter options. do you see? its a feeling folks not a decision.....................

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  5.   dianthus says:
    Posted: 05 Jun 08

    I've been married twice. Once to a white guy, and once to a black guy. From experience I can state that the color of their skin did not play a factor in why I chose to marry them. Don't get me wrong...the black man's skin was much prettier...but the white guy was a redhead covered in freckles so he didn't have much chance in the pretty skin department. BUT I loved neither of them for their skin. I loved them for their heart, their soul, their sense of humor, the strength of their spirit, and the gentleness of their hands. They were each wonderful men. I loved them because they earned it by being who they were. I date mostly black men now, because that's whose asking me out. Would I go out with someone white? Sure. Skin is just skin to me. No more important than eye or hair color. Which is to say: not important at all.

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  6.   akbar says:
    Posted: 01 May 08

    Ah! there are too many contradictions posted. One statement is that the guy is racist because he has a preference to date within his own race, but it seems to be perfectly okay to prefer to date outside of your race. This does not make sense to me. I prefer chocolate ice cream, but it does not make me racist against vanilla ice cream. It is perfectly okay for someone to prefer to date within or without their own race. What does bother me is for someone of one race to dislike those of their own race which is self hate and psychotic.

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  7.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 08

    You have an old soul, Silly_Shanti - Thanks for your thoughtful comments.

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  8.   Silly_Shanti says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 08

    I personally find it to be a simple matter of choice. I've always had friends of different colors, but at the same time found myself having crushes on mainly black boys, mainly because they could relate to me. I would think, "They have the same skin as me so they HAVE to like me more than the others, right?" A misconception of a preteen mind I suppose, but later on through trade schooling I was around more and more white kids. They accepted me being a part of their "family" more than people of my own skin color. Where I was jumped on about my weight, height, etc., the whites and other kids (of different races) found it to simply be traits that only I had. I learned more about their choices of music, food, ideas of fun, etc. So by the time I went home for Summer Break a couple of months into school, I went home to my mom a completely different person. *chuckles* I think what makes the difference is whether or not you can switch lingo according to whoever you talk to. I'm not saying people of different races all act the same ACCORDING to their race, but there are different degrees of approachability. Afro-Americans are known for seeming standoffish and very to their families. Whites are known for having to walk on eggshells for everyone else, simply because of the fear of being called racist over every word that comes out of their mouth. The list of racial profiling goes on forever...

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  9.   Nikki says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 07

    What exactly is the problem here? I don't think the guy is racist at all. He says he will date outside his race, but he feels ultimately he will end up with a black woman he identifies with. What the hell is wrong about that? There are white men who date all kinds of women, but when they look to get married they marry their own women. Are they racist too? People are overusing the word racist too damn much. Give me a break. I am not offended by this man and I think it is damn stupid that anyone else is offended by what he stated. You are going to do what makes you happy right? Well the man from the article is doing the same. Too many people reacting to words instead of just brushing them off and becoming proactive. I honestly do not believe in the phrase love sees no color, because if that were true people would never notice the color/culture of the person they fell in love with. The fact that people do makes that phrase hypocritical. What's strange is I do believe lust sees color or in my case stereotypes due to color. I've had men approach me thinking I was a prostitute, and some men who thought I would be more attractive if I looked like the women from rap videos. No I was not dressed provocatively and I'm a college student. I get weirdos coming on to me from all walks of life. Lust can make people do and say strange things. When it comes to love I do believe I would love to fall in love with a man that accepts me. A man who understands me and loves me unconditionally. I want a man that's just a man and never apologizes for being one. Sadly whenever reality hits me I am always forced to be on the defensive about interracial dating. Now it is indeed bad enough that I get objectified by black men, but when non-black men do the same it frustrates the hell out of me. I get so tired of me telling them I am not interested because they believe I'm this oversexed jezebel. I am tired of being stereotyped by men who watch too many damn videos and movies of black women in negative roles. When will some men realize that black women are not monolithic, and that we all are unique individuals with a different outlook on life? I believe that two people can fall in love regardless of color/culture, but I think a lot of lust is causing people to chase after those different from them. It is like some cannot differentiate between lust and love. I don't have a problem at all with interracial dating when it is genuine. Heck, I am even willing to give it a go myself. The only thing is I am not going to be any man's experiment, and I refuse to comprimise myself to be with any man. I'm already in the mode that if any man thinks I will do sex acts with him upon first meeting him he had better stay the hell away from me.

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  10.   josey says:
    Posted: 15 Dec 07

    jko4 at least you said you have dated within your own race. Hmmm, and what makes your friend's wife a great wht female? jko4, there are issues going on within the blk community and they should be address. I suppose not being of African decent you can step away from the issue and just be yourself...your friend will always be what one sees first and then the personality second. So, who fooling whom?

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  11.   jk04 says:
    Posted: 14 Dec 07

    Well lets see now im a white guy but I am absolutely atracted to black women don't get me wrong I will date all races like one of you said you really can't see who your heart will love. But at the same time there's a 99% chance I will marry a black woman thats who I date an who I find myself attracted to I have dated a couple great white women but my heart just didn't really go for it an they where the whole package but its just not my preference an it wasn't fair to them so call me racist or whatever but in order for my heart to reach its potential most likely a black woman will b part of it. So why kid yourself if thats what you want an my best friend is black and he wouldn't date nothin but white women an now hes happily married to a great white girl. So I say be happy wit what your heart wants an craves. For example if someone chooses to be gay not that I condone it its what makes them happy who are we to judge thats gods job. And dating outside my race ain't some experiment or thrill ride its who i am an what i choose.

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  12.   dee says:
    Posted: 11 Dec 07

    Hmmm, so if a person says I am attracted only to the opposite race of female...does that also mean that ones own sister or mom is not attractve? Things that make you go, Hmmmm.

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  13.   acuteblkguy says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 07

    I've always dated white women and i will most likely marry one too, I go for what i find attractive to me and i find white women sexually attractive. Never been with a black asian or hispanic woman etc... because i dont have a physical attraction to them, and society or anyone else cant tell me who i date marry or have sex with!! We all go for what we find attractive, even within ones old race, some like fat, some like skinny , some like tall and some like short.

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  14.   fala says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 07

    Anytime Mossimo. ;-)

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  15.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 07

    Thanks Fala! lol

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  16.   needrealdeal says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 07

    I'm with cocoadream and the capt on this one.If it's love.REAL and TRUE,it shouldn't matter what color because if it's within our hearts to truly love another and all aspects are there for that to happen, you'd only be denying them and yourself of that warm feeling of right and willingness to be happy. If your head sees color, your heart can't recognize what true love is which makes you a racist.And if your thinking about issues that may arrise in an interracial partnership take it from me that when people look at you and your partner it's not always the negative.My gf and I noticed most people that have viewed us in public have a certain look in there eyes that see how well we interact as an open couple and not cause we're mixed but because of the vibe of true and real we give off.

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  17.   cocoadream says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 07

    Men like the one in the article embarrass me. Just perpetuating discrimination against another race. As long as he sees color first, I would call him a racist. Should look at the heart first and foremost.

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  18.   CaptJim says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 07

    I have been dating outside of my race for years and I will continue to do so. I look for a connection of either love, lust or both. It depends on how volitile the chemistry is. I can date a white woman as easily as I date a black, asian or latina woman. When I find a woman attractive, I look at her, not her color, although that might add a little spice. Would I marry outside my race, absolutley without hesitation if all the love was there.

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  19.   fala says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 07

    Yeah Mossimo, but you're a man ahead of your time. ;-)

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  20.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 07

    My attitude towards interracial dating is much the same now as it was in college. I think a lot of others may experience and epiphany of sorts later on as far as their attitudes dating outside their race.

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  21.   fala says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 07

    People do a lot of stuff in college that they don't continue doing later in life. It's a time to experiment and try new things so I'm not really surprised.

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  22.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 07

    Ha! If he lived in Columbus Ohio, his chances of marrying a white female is about 70%. That number also includes the fact that a lot of black women here are dating white men. While Lamar thinks he has a preference, you never know who your heart will chose for you.

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  23.   lisa says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 07

    I believe I read that same article and I do not believe that guy. Remember that was an article who was playing up to a certain audience. I think his chances of marrying a non-blk. female is 50-50 and he knows this.

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