Where we go wrong in relationships - Economists tell

Posted by Ria, 04 Aug

relationship mistakesDo you and your spouse constantly fight over who does dirty dishes more? Do you feel you and your spouse are not sexually in sync because the last time you had sex waaas... uuuuuh... when was it again? Do you wonder why you have been doing everything by the book but your relationship just seems to be falling apart?

Well, Economists seem to think they have the solution to marital problems... Its called Economics.

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In their new book: "Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage & Dirty Dishes", journalists Paul Szuchman and Jenny Anderson have applied market rules of capitalism to “spousonomics” to help couples efficiently allocate limited resources in their lives such as time, money, sanity and YES... Sex drive! These two believe hard Economic principles come in handy when dealing with common conflicts in a couple's domestic life.

Below are some of the things most of us think are right in relationships, that these two economics feel are damaging:

Waiting until you're in the mood to have sex: This might take a while… especially for couples who have been together much longer. Plus what are the odds of the two of you being in the mood simultaneously? This where George Loewenstein’s “hot-cold empathy gap” theory applies which says: “we have two selves: a cold, clear-headed rational self that can say, “I will have sex with my husband when I come home tonight because I love him and I will enjoy it and heck, it’s good for my marriage” and a hot, impulsive, emotion-driven, irrational self that says, when the time actually comes, “I’ve had such a bad day, I feel fat and bloated, my husband's annoying tonight….No way am I having sex. I’m going to watch the Real Housewives, and go to bed.”

Well, Spousonomics suggest we go with the cool side because more often than not, when the time comes, we are never in the mood. So the rationale is: when you were thinking about it, you were certain you’d be in the mood and would enjoy it; so why not just go ahead and do it? You know:“Make sex a requirement, as routine as dinner and tooth brushing. You might not be in the mood, but you won’t regret it, either.”

Never go to bed angry: No one loves to lose an argument. But would you rather stay up all night trying to win resolve a spiraling argument than go to bed angry, sleep on it and deal with it when you are well rested, calmer and more open minded? "Loss aversion" is the economic concept to apply here. It’s simple: since most people hate to lose, then couples should choose actions that minimize the damage they do when they are fighting to win at all costs.

Splitting house chores 50/50:Well, this seems to be the fairest way to go about domestic labor division. Problem is, when couples tend to aim for this, they end up spending most of their time fixating over keeping score and in the end, end up arguing whenever one feels he or she is doing more than the 'required' 50%. “Spousonomics” suggests “Comparative Advantage”. With this approach, each spouse becomes responsible for whatever chores their best at, relative to other tasks… you mop, he goes grocery shopping; you handle the bills, he fixes stuff.

Seriously people, I might not be in the mood for sex but I wont regret it?! :roll: Hmmmmmmmm. What'd you think about that?

2 responses to "Where we go wrong in relationships - Economists tell"

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  1.   friendly13 says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 11

    This makes a lot of sense. The three catagories addressed have been the cause of a lot of divorces. All this is recommending is that both people be considerate of each other. This way neither feels disregarded or taken advantage of.

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  2.   SugahRush says:
    Posted: 14 Aug 11

    While I'm not sure that THESE are the most pressing, the way a couple approaches these can greatly influence the success of a marriage. Like prayer/meditation; exercise and regular days off work, SEX SHOULD BE MADE A PRIORITY in a marriage. And like so many mundane tasks (AND SEX IS NOT MUNDANE...unless that's what you're into), it's tough to make it happen unless you MAKE IT HAPPEN. Funny thing about sex: once you get started, you're energized and you just keep goin'...ya' REALLY CAN'T eat just one!!! (ooo, I went there, huh?) NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY. This doesn't mean that a couple can't go to bed without having resolved ALL ISSUES. It means that one or both should take the initiative to call a truce, offering a "Soft Solution" and a time and date to resume a civil discussion.THEN GO HAVE SEX :D SPLITTING CHORES 50/50: You're right! Attempts at 50/50 always results in score-keeping; frustration. IT'S A FAILURE in almost every aspect of life...Think about it. A score of 50% on an assignment is an F. 50% of your paycheck would be unacceptable. You can't get far using only 50% of your shoes.To get 50% of Community property means the family has IMPLODED!! SO WHY DO WE DEMAND FOR A 50-50 RELATIONSHIP? Both parties should give 100% of whatever they have to offer. If you both are at 100%, SUPER!! But, if one is at 50% day and the other has only 100%, the balance is there. If one has 20 and the other has 75% there is enough love to cover the shortage. Why? Because no matter where each is, both benefit from knowing that THE MUTUALLY AGREED GOAL IS 100%. Love. Ya gotta give it all ya got.

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