Who have more and satisfying sex? Married or cohabiting couples?

Posted by Ria, 01 Feb

While reading Cosmopolitan the other day in an article: "So… Why do people get married, anyway", more sex was listed as one of the best reasons why people get married. [Say what now?!] Well apparently and in their words, ‘You’ll do it more if you say “I do”’ and went on to say that contrary to the popular stereotype that marriage = boring sex lives, some research shows that married couples get to have sex more than single guys do.

Na! I don’t buy this for a moment, even if backed by some research.

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Bella DePaulo seems not to agree with it too (and especially with Waite and Gallagher's chapter on sex in their book: The Case for Marriage where they say: Married couples have more sex and better sex) saying: “It is not exactly true. Married people do not have the most sex - cohabiting people do.”

In a bid to defend married people and their more and satisfying sex, as DePaulo puts it: "Waite and Gallagher try to shrug off the more active sex lives of co-habitors" saying their relationships, “...are more likely than marriages to be "built around sex." They also claim that co-habitors don’t enjoy sex as much as their married counterparts claiming married couples have extremely satisfying sex than other people do. But given the sexual problems (such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation) that most married men experience; given the sexual problems (such as not reaching orgasms, anxiety and pain during sex) that most married women complain about, how is all that “more satisfying sex”? At the same time, what say 'more and satisfying sex' than relationships "built around sex"?

If you ask me, I think the group that Waite and Gallagher dub the group that has their relationships "built around sex", is the group that is realistically allowed to boast of pleasurable sex… I mean if they have sex-based relationships, wont they be the ones who will go the extra mile to please their partners, to satisfy them? And if they have their relationships built on sex, then it means when the sex aint working, chances are most of them will bail out... leaving only the sexually satisfied co-habitors.

So who takes the trophy for couples who have more sex, more pleasurable sex and extremely satisfying sex? Even if backed by research, even though I have never been married, I refuse to give it to the married couples… I mean, COME ON peeps!!!

Anyhow, whom do you give it to?

1 responses to "Who have more and satisfying sex? Married or cohabiting couples?"

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  1.   SugahRush says:
    Posted: 01 Feb 13

    Ria, lets UNTWIST a few things... First, sex problems are NOT relegated to "most married men"/couples. ED, frigidity; inability to achieve orgasm, premature ejaculation/premature orgasm; insufficient lubrication, and ANY other sexual dysfunction affects PEOPLE. Causality can be traced back to impaired emotional AND physical health. (diabetes, high blood pressure, higher cholesterol, sedentary lifestyle as well as unresolved anger, hurts, abuse (physical, emotional, mental) and even day-to-day living. Dysfunction doesn't check for a "Co-habiting or Nuptual" card before taking residence in one's home. I BELIEVE (my opinion): To dismiss the claim that married people have more satisfying sex is rather presumptuous. According to your excerpt from the study the phrase used was "MORE SATISFYING SEX". Some read that to mean "MORE SEX" which is common for certain age groups in both categories. Childless cohabs AND marrieds tend to "get busy" more often than those with kids, for instance. Middle aged couples tend to have deeper attachments and sexual openness in both groups, however, across the board married people voice more sexual satisfaction. WHY? The most common reason is one of common sense--People feel more secure behind LOCKED DOORS...than unlocked ones." Marriage locks the door on a relationship--or it should. Cohabitants can more easily leave because there is no binding agreement, other than a verbal one. A marriage license is solid proof of intent and anything solid trumps the alternative. For those who care to be educated, most physio-sexual issues are more easily overcome when there is a committment and openness to learning new techniques. Though there are many cohabs who are in it for the long haul, there is a higher degree of psychological & emotional stability, protection, and comfort provided by "a solid hard copy" which can't be found in a "easily dissected verbal agreements"etc. A contract or writing will cause one or both parties to think twice about their investment and about how Vested they really are. It causes one to also relax knowing that the terms of endearment, engagement and expectations" are laid out. Also monogamy is pretty much an implied expectation, also. Again,it's a locked door rather than a swinging, revolving, slightly ajar situation. Locked doesn't mean captive or hostage either, anymore than one is captive in their own home. In a relationship, one should be CAPTIVATED, instead. Except for those precious few exhibitionists (^5)...most people best relax into their private moments behind a locked door. It prevents interruptions and disruptions and keeps in those we hold dear. I KNOW, I KNOW...WHO NEEDS A PIECE OF PAPER? THAT statement is BS and all people know it. Buy an $1100 puppy, you want papers. Before getting your house or car financed, you gotta sign papers AND provide papers. Apply for a job, you have a resume, letter and application...IN WRITING. Cop says you're speeding, you want to see his 'readout'. Someone doesn't "look their age" you ask for license or birth certificate. Talk is cheap as hell if your employer says "your money is coming...trust me." You demand a pay stub and deposit receipt. Even dollar store purchases give a receipt stating the contracted price, taxes, actual cost, method of payment and how much change a customer was owed. IN PAPER... Same with love letters, and dating site profiles.. If it has any value, it's in writing... I DIGRESSE... More sex for the married? Maybe...More satisfying sex (for more of the relationship tenure), almost all reputable studies concur.

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