African American women urged to date interracially

Posted by Ria, 15 Mar 10

black women interracial datingThe lives of single Black women are all over the news – being urged to date interracially. This was all backed by the release of the book "Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions That Keep Black Women From Dating Out" last month by law professor at Harvard Law School, Karyn Langhorne Folan

Folan encourages black women to extend their options. Since white men are the largest group of men in the country, makes sense... date whom you are around.

This is what she says during an interview with Essence.com:

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

We don't get to talk about what Black women deserve as much as we should. I feel so strongly about what I see as the brilliant diversity of beauty and talent and energy and intellect of Black women and we don't ever get to celebrate it. Some of that is the larger media and some of it is that we get beat down all the time with what we aren't and no one is talking up what we are. And we are pretty damn amazing. There's still this image that we're unworthy or less desirable than other women and unfortunately I think a lot of us buy that. That's bull to me. That's only true if you think it's true.

One great thing she says is:

Race is not the binding factor that we think it is. And, in the end, the best thing that you can do is find a partner that you really believe will be a good father, a good provider, a good husband and all of those things, whether he's Black, White or whatever. That's the thing that makes families survive… Your self-esteem has a big impact on what you attract, not color-wise, but content-wise. If you dated Black guys who were bad to you, you're going to date White guys who are jerks.

Well put don't you think?

107 responses to "African American women urged to date interracially"

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  1.   devnull says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 10

    It seems to me this is PRIMARILY a African-American woman issue. I hardly hear women of African descent make such comments and also they do not suffer from inferiority complex or have African men who are not desirable. I think many African American women have low self esteem and sorry I think its nonsense to keep blaming the media portrayal of black women and some African-American men that give the majority a bad name. What many African-American women fail to realise and its to their own detriment is that most white men will most probably not take you seriously if you have these underlining issues. I remember a few years ago getting to know a Dutch woman she was so disparaging of white men and was shocked that I date black women. I soon put her in her place, that just because she met some delinquient black men who fed her lies about black women, I was not going to do the same. As for her comments about white men, I said to her your father was white and by all accounts a good one so why don't you feel you will meet a good white man. I must admit there is something sinister and bizarre about people who ONLY DATE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE....COULD IT BE SELF HATRED? FETISH? WANTING TO SAMPLE THE A DIFFERENT RACE. Also an earlier post that I can only assume struck a few nerves, I asked..how many of white men will actually marry the black women they are dating? In Europe you see some white men with black women, but sorry to be a carrier of bad news, most of these women are call girls..the exception is the UK and maybe Holland. Make no mistake women Europe is still as racist as the USA when it comes to dating IR dating, dont take my word for it you will experience it. @takinitall You mother is doing you a great disservice by saying "get you a white boy" she should have said "get you a good man". I will hate to have a mother like that. I must say I pity African-Americans maybe it would have been better if your ancestors from Africa 400years ago all drowned like the smart one did, because your present plight is pitiful. :-(

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  2.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 10

    @ takinitall You know I Luv you right? We're family always? Good! Now let me respectfully disagree with you saying others have treated you better than your own have. The few that of us that may have treated you badly are not all of us, just a few of us, so when you say "your own" it sounds as if you're saying all BM in gerneral. They're are many good BM but as long as you and other BW keep throwing up these walls of protection, these same walls will keep many good BM away from you. I don't know about other BM but I'm not into climbing over walls and fences, people might think I'm getting ready to steal something. LMAO If you wont open your gate and invite me in, I'm sorry but I'm not climbing over your walls! But I still Luv ya!

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  3. Posted: 01 Apr 10

    It's like Chris Rock says "Don't be mad at Black men for exercising their options, you better exercise yours!"

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  4.   dee says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 10

    rae56 and sharon speaks for themselves only.

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  5.   allegra101 says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 10

    Black women need to expand their horizons. Over 45% of black women will NEVER be married. That is a staggering and "scary" statistic. I have dated interracially before I married (a bi-racial man) and now that I'm divorced. I will say that my most serious relationships have been with European men. They are more open to dating black women, especially if they live in the US, and they will approach you. American white men are less likely (unless i'm with a mixed group. My line of work makes its flirting easier and subsequently asking me out, but a lot of it has been out of curiosity or they only date women of color. One thing is so true, men are still men, no matter what their skin tone is. They still do stupid stuff and you still break up and the good ones still treat you well regardless of their color...they are just harder to find.

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  6.   eva100 says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 10

    this is eva, i think love has no barriers or color, what i strongly believe in, is me. i am velvety smoothe, curvy and just 5'5", i do fantasized dating white males, but never follow my dreams,what cause me to believe, that white males adores black females, is one day i was working as a home health aide caring for the father of a ex navy seal of German background, he made me feel so elite, like the brightest diamond, this went on for a long time until i quit under pressure, i felt that his sister would of hire a hit man to get rid of me, as she was not in favor of this and previous interacial relationships he had, but it was fun, i can remember being kissed in front of his father, while he was on his dying bed, at least he sends his dad off in peace. leting him know his passion for blk women.............i still love him and i am also still married to a blk male on the verge of spliting while climbing the career ladder.......i am not a home health aide any more.... i am a grad studient.

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  7.   YLady says:
    Posted: 30 Mar 10

    I was married to an African American man for thirteen years. I later found out that was cheating on me with white woman since the second month we were married. I am not perfect but I loved my husband. So when God finally gave me the strength to get out of that situation, I decided to make some changes. I have decided to open my heart to men of all races. I must say that no matter the race, it is hard. I have alot to offer but I have found alot of games across the board. I refuse to have sex until we give our hearts so I guess that makes it hard. I find that those who say they just want to be loved, thus far they have had a hidden agenda. Sometimes I feel like I am under a microscope. You know the double standard thing. You meet a man with a gut, lots of gray hair or no hair, no job, living with their parents, and they say they think you could lose some weight. Now I am not sure what kind of sense that makes. But, really. Maybe I have the wrong idea about love. Maybe I have been out of the game to long. I am not a gold digger but I do not stand in a glass house throwing stones. So if you can except the faults of your mate why can it not be reciprocated? I will not stop until I find the one that deserves me. Please do not misunderstand, I am not a princess. I am not a high maintanence person. I am not looking for a man to take care of me financially. I am looking for a man to take care of my heart. There was a time when my mate had to be African American, but now it does not matter. Maybe he is out there looking for me.

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  8.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 29 Mar 10

    As a SBF I find dating to be quite daughting. Either I date interracially and be a fetish or I date my own and take care of him. Rather than wollow in self pitty, I choose to have faith that there is a man for me. I hate to say it, but other races have treated me better than my own. Keep your head up and stay focused God has a plan for all of us! Luckily my family encoursges interracial dating, and my mom says "get you a white boy."

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  9.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 29 Mar 10

    The statics are interesting as are comments about the overall society. However I only want to date one woman and it is about what she wants. If we find each other attractive that is the point.

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  10.   Callia says:
    Posted: 29 Mar 10

    People really do need to get off of this idea that black women are undesirable or less desirable that other races. It is precisely why so many black women have such low self esteem that they and settle for being baby's mamas and having hide behind an overly strong facade. If someone constantly hears how undesirable they are, eventually, they're going to start believing it, and act according to such. It's all psychology - self fulfilling prophecy. People seriously act like there aren't undesirable women of every race. People seriously act like we don't live in a nation where the divorce rate is 50% and the amount of people single as a whole is also 50%. We do not value serious relationships or marriage as a society as we did in the past. People seriously act like there aren't promiscuous women of every race, or single mothers, or miss independents. the negative stereotypes about black women seem more concentrated compared to white women for example because we're a minority number wise. Statistics: well just imagine 95% of the sample is white and all ethnic minorites are 5%. Which group is this sample going to be biased towards.

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  11.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 29 Mar 10

    @ lagbaja61, what Sharon wrote was "you can’t overlook the fact that a large majority of white men don’t want to date BLACK WOMEN," not that they don't date other races. And her assertion is correct. It only takes looking at other dating sites like Yahoo or Match.com to see that the majority of white men typically do not check black or African-American as a desired partner. I read an article once that stated that one in every 100 white men marries Asian but 1 in every 400 marries black. The stats that you challenge Sharon to prove are out there - I've seen them and will take a look for them - making Sharon's comments factual, not rhetoric. Just because you don't agree with them, it doesn't make her comments racist.

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  12.   leftydon69 says:
    Posted: 29 Mar 10

    I have always been attracted to woman of all colors. I am adopted and was raised with my adopted brother brother who is a Samoan. This gave me a wider perspective in viewing the world around me. I now find that the stereotypes of white males are placed on me by black girls that I date. I try not to paint others with wide brush of stereotypes but I find myself still being painted! I try to come to the table as open as possible. And I think that any black woman that wants to date a white guy should leave the stereotypes at the door. We are not made in a cookie factory so we are not all the same.

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  13.   lagbaja61 says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 10

    The very first comment from Sharon says it's a 'fact' most white men won't date other races. Perhaps she could enlighten us all with the statistics to support this assertion. Otherwise, that's all it is, an unsubstantiated assertion. It's strange that for all the rhetoric on this site about tolerance, non-stereotyping I see a number of racist remarks like Sharon's.

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  14.   jeannepm says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 10

    @ Callia: All well said. Thank you for the clarification on the article that should never have been written in the first place. Touche and kudos all around re: yoiur opinions and statements; I heartily agree with them all!

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  15.   Callia says:
    Posted: 26 Mar 10

    @ jeanneom that article clearly is false, clearly false, look at the disclaimer at the bottom of the webiste page, 'for entertainement purposes only. I read the following article "Stop Talking about Single Black Women" Michele Grant from Black 'n Bougie reacts to all the sudden attention focused on the single Black woman and her dating life. From relationship gurus to bloggers with an opinion, she declares "enough is enough." "Stop telling me how I think, what to do, how to look, who to date, when to exhale...I beg of you." I get it. I really do. Bashing or even borderline bruising Black women is what hot in da streetz. By bashing I mean telling us why we ain't nothing, ain't gonna have nothing, ain't gonna have nobody to share nothing with. Sure, it gets you book deals and blog views and radio shows and talk shows and photo ops and movie deals and basically... paid. I get it. You found a hustle that works and you only have to kick a group of people that are already down to do it. Oh, you think you're being helpful offering up your "self-help" and "how-to" and "best way" opinions to us? Even those of you that are not directly authoring the yada-yada, do you really think you're helping by adding in your "tsk-tsk" or "co-sign" two cents response to the media swirl about all the problems with the sisterhood? You're not. You are adding to the already cacophonous wall of noise. I respectfully request that right after commenting on this post J... everyone just shut up. I am talking to celebs and so-called relationship gurus, writers, columnists, bloggers, regular folks talking in the coffee shop, women and men, young and old, Black, White, and everything in between... just STOP. ◦STOP re-quoting the statistics about successful educated Black women never getting married or having kids. Would you rather we stayed stupid and broke for the sake of a ring? Of course not, so how is reminding us of the statistics going to help? It's just going to make the desperate more desperate and the hopeless less hopeful. I can't see the good in that. Those of us staying optimistic become less so in the face of all the overwhelming evidence. Maybe we will (get married), maybe we won't but the continuous talk of a "crisis" in the community (because of our unmarried state) is just plain mean.
 ◦STOP telling me how to look to catch a man. No, it's not my weight. I've been everything from a size 8 to a 22 and back again and had a man at every one of those sizes. No, it's not my hair, I've been straight, kinky, wavy, weaved, pony-tailed and darn near bald... had a man at every step of the way there, too. For every so-called flawless woman with a ring, I can name two so-called flawless women without one. Oh, magazines--this is for you, too. Stop telling us that this lipstick, that high-heeled boot, that pencil skirt is the thing we MUST own to snare Mr. Right.
 ◦STOP telling me to date (or not to date) White men. All of you. Seriously. I'll date that blue dude from "Avatar" if I freakin' want to. People dating the rainbow coalition, good for you. People only attracted to a certain type, good for you. People who have given up on one type and are looking for another type to swoop in and save them, good luck with that. Either way, I'm tired of hearing about it. ◦STOP looking for someone to blame. It's not that all Black women are mean or picky or high-maintenance--GTFOH with that. It's not that all Black men are trifling or thuggish or under-employed--that's bullshiggity, too. All the Black men are not in jail, all the sisters aren't expecting "too much"--those are cop out answers. I'm sure every woman who is single could sit down and point to a variety of reasons (good, bad and in-between) why they are that way today. Each story is an individual one both personal and unique to the person telling it. Let them own that story, quit painting with the broad strokes... 
 ◦STOP acting like we are either sitting around waiting to exhale or are gasping our last breath surrounded by 20 cats. Can we not be vibrant, complete individuals regardless of relationship status? And this goes for you too other sisters... stop giving us the "I'm so sad for you" look because you have a man and we don't (at the moment). This just makes us angry and less sympathetic should things not work out between you and your boo. We don't need sympathy, just a little support and a smile. Please and thank you in advance. 
 ◦STOP acting like my brains are a detriment. I shall not be dumbing it down for the cause of snaring a man. Nor will I emasculate him by pointing out all the stuff I may know that he doesn't. Not everybody can match my Scrabble game... I'm evil with it, son... evil. Don't come at me with the Trivial Pursuit either... moving on. This whole concept of acting like I'm less than I am to make a man feel like more than he is... that's crap. That means we are not a fit. Onto the next... hopefully. 
 ◦STOP judging me because I have standards. Not prejudices... standards. Sure I would date the UPS man if we found each other attractive and interesting. But the UPS man who has four kids, four baby mamas, two parole officers and a habit of blowing his paycheck on a great batch of chronic... hell no. That doesn't make me snobby or bougie, that makes me self-aware of my own code of values, tolerance and limitations. 
 ◦STOP assuming we all want Barack ambition, Denzel smile, LL Cool J body, Kanye swagger, LeBron money and Idris vibe. I mean, that's nice and all but we know expecting one dude to have all of that wrapped up in one package is ridiculosity of the highest order. Most of us would be happy with someone we can trust, laugh with, talk to and ride out a crisis with your mutual affection and admiration still intact. We'll start with that every day of the week. 
 ◦STOP telling us that you (and you alone) have the answer (the fix, the cure!). You don't or we wouldn't still be talking about it. And by the way, if your answer involves me becoming a completely different person than I am, you may keep that. Don't start with the argument that clearly what I've done up to now hasn't worked... er, uh--I know. You throwing Hallmark-style affirmations my way (packaged as a book of "get a man gospel") is useless and kinda slimy. 
 ◦STOP helping. Really, stop offering up opinions and concern and editorials. Especially if your own relationship history is kinda suspect. I wouldn't take boat-steering advice from the Exxon Valdez captain or fact-checking advice from Jayson Blair... just sayin'. Read more: http://www.essence.com/relationships/hot_topics_5/commentary_single_black_ladies.php#ixzz0j7XJsvfu

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  16.   Devnull says:
    Posted: 26 Mar 10

    Goodness gracious has anything recently happened in the USA that in 2010 African Americans in particular women are still droning on about black men or the quest to date outside their race. When will you people learn to move ahead. It is also quite comical to hear some women say because they are slim and only white guys approach them, then that means that almost all black men in their area or where they go will not approach them because oh black men are supposed to all like curvy women...what utter nonsense. From my 25 visits to the USA and 9 months working in CA, GA and NY, it was sad to see that there is so much animosity between African American men and women on average that quite simply is daft at best with no justification. The black women I dated or approached in the USA where all African or Caribbean descent with the vast majority born and bred in the USA but I can only assume their parents had instilled a different mindset in them. Also it will be interesting to see what percentage of white men actually go on to marry black women they date. It one thing dating and having sex its a whole different ball game with marriage, and with North American divorce rate a big joke now amongst safe race couples....hmmmmm the future for mixed couples does not look too good....I hope I am wrong.

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  17.   Jeanneom says:
    Posted: 26 Mar 10

    I had to write again. Just read an article online where the Thai government was sending skin-whitener to Haitian refugees in the hopes that fairer skin would improve their lot. Someone sent me this link: http://www.notthenation.com/pages/news/getnews.php?id=861 I was and am... speechless. Darn. The 21st Century! Gross ignorance, like that outlined in the above article, combined with a mass media dead set on promoting Madonna only categories for black actresses result in stereotypes that keep black women at arms length from most men, including some black men. Let a darker skinned woman be the love interest, rather than the Halle Berries of the world. Please show her sweet side, not the "mad black woman" side. We are not all angry. Show us as companions in commercials with men of all races engaged in normal activities (not just cleaning, doing laundry, or going to McDonald's). PLEASE allow black actors and actresses to speak using standard English, not always the inner city, slang, and/or Southern dialect or accent. Come on. This was all depressing enough for me. At 59, as a black woman, it is even worse! So, live in love everyone, and love whomever you want. Just be glad you found love. BTW, my daughter is married to a lovely white man, whom my family loves.

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  18.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 10

    ...approach it is usually not a good story. Difference is once she knows I like black women I am recevied differently.

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  19.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 10

    Information for you beautiful ladies. As a man I see a woman that looks interesting and I try to get. a sign that she can be approached. Without that sign I am not taking the next step Most man are like me and are waiting for the go ahead. black women are usually pretty good. In some of the places I go it is known that I date black women and I can get action immediately. In others where it is not known it is tough to get a sign. When I do appr

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  20.   free_agent says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 10

    @firsttime1 - I understand your reservation for maybe not dating outside your race. I remember when a spanish woman said to me, "I didn't know you dated outside your race"! I was really offended and taken back by that comment. I have been dating black women now for over two years and I have nothing but good experiences. The nice thing about black women is that they come in different colors and features is attractive to me. I have gotten over the sterotype and the looks and now I just see the person for who she is! ;-)

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  21. Posted: 25 Mar 10

    I love this site... It's nice to hear white men advocating dating black women... I have to admit, though, I really wish there was more literature (mainstream and otherwise) coming from the POV of WM proudly telling the world why they date BF. Can anyone think of any place besides here?

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  22.   Billy_C says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 10

    I'm kookoo for cocoa puffs.

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  23.   Starman63 says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 10

    I believe it's what you are open and attracted to. A lot of people in our society will not consider dating outside their race. Me I've dated black woman before even though it's been a while. I was very comfortable doing so I had a wonderful time. Where I live now black woman are not as open to dating a white man as they are in the south or east coast.

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  24.   Abraxas247 says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 10

    I totally agree and I empathize with you, rtay. Same occurrence all though my childhood. Being an slim black female I prefer white men because they are the ones who approach me more so than a black man in my area just because I'm not curvy.

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  25.   je says:
    Posted: 23 Mar 10

    follow your heart!!!!!

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  26. Posted: 23 Mar 10

    I have dated interracially all my life. I have a mixed son (black and italian).. I also have a daughter who is completely african american. I dated a white boy in high school back in the 80's. We were stared and pointed at, but not really approached. We were both pretty popular.. I was a cheerleader and he was a quarterback... We didnt really care what people thought.. we were THE "in crowd" :0) After highschool we went our separate ways.. he moved to another state to work for his father and I went into the Marine Corp.. i have been married AND divorced 3 times.. all to Black men. I didnt want to give up on the brothers so i kept trying.. needless to say, i learned my lesson. I now date caucasion men exclusively. I am in a relationship now with a white man 10 years my junior. he has asked me to marry him but i hesitate because he doesnt have children. my child bearing days are long over. i never want him to look at me with regret in his eyes that he chose me instead of having children..or worse, cheat. The bottom line is this.... date who makes you feel good about being you.. it doesnt matter what color he/she is. be strong enough together to overcome what society says is right or wrong.. nobody can live your life but you.. and nobody can make you happy but you. I have tried to get girlfriends who have been in bad relationships with black men who refuse to date outside our race.. they believe that there has to be "the one" out there.. well he probably is out there somewhere, but he probably has 6 women fighting over him.. No thank you..

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  27.   rose1866 says:
    Posted: 22 Mar 10

    I appreciate seeing anything that encourages interracial dating and marriages. It has been around for a very long time. Everything; media, stereotypes, racism needs to grow-up, look around and come into the 21st century.

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  28.   talnwhite1 says:
    Posted: 22 Mar 10

    They need to have a book with a white women being kissed by a black man entitled "don't bring home a black boy". Then we can begin to discuss interacial dating. Until then.....(and I will not hold my breath waiting ) .........it's a mute point!

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  29. Posted: 22 Mar 10

    I am so proud of my parents for raising me to love and respect everyone regardless of their skin color, religious beliefs, - and in my case tribe, status, ethnicity and all that good stuff. I have always been open to dating outside of my race and I do STRONGLY agree with a portion of the article that says "Your self-esteem has a big impact on what you attract, not color-wise, but content-wise". At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter... loving you for you and being confident in everything that is you goes a very long way. I can't wait to pass on the same message that was passed on to me by my parents to my children if and when God blesses me with some. xoxo..

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  30.   rissa62 says:
    Posted: 22 Mar 10

    The article is great. I date Whit men because they are who I desire. Men are men. There are good Black men and good White men. So, I do not determine a "bad" man to be Black. I have been mistreated by both Black and White men. That was just my poor choice of men. Now, I am with a wonderful man who I love dearly; and he respects me. It is time for us Black women to learn that we deserve a good man no matter his ethnicity.

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  31.   Rene09 says:
    Posted: 22 Mar 10

    This is to Sharon I am a Dark skinned female and I have never had trouble finding any guy in any race. I believe that your self esteem and confidence plays a huge role on who you attract if you feel there are no white guys for you why are you on an interracial dating site?

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  32.   Ladyblack61 says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 10

    i date a white GENTLEMAN and fell SO IN LOVE WITH HIM.BUT HIS DAUGHTER RUDE HIM AND HIS LIFE.I LOVE HIM THEN AND I LOVE HIM NOW.BUT IT WAS SO STRONG WITH ME.I WAS MARRIED TO THE MOST WONDERFULLY WHITE GENTLEMAN FOR 25YEARS AND HE DIE 14YEARS AGO,SO I MET THIS GENTLEMAN AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM LATE IN OUR DATING.I KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER BE THE WOMAN IN HIS LIFE BUT YET I WILL BE THERE FOR HIM WHEN HE NEEDS ME.WE ARE FRIEND NOW AS HE SAY AND I UNDERSTAND THAT BUT HE ALSO WILL GIVE AND DO ALMOST ANYTHING FOR ME IF I ASK.BUT I HAVE KNOW THIS MAN FOR 2YEARS AND I UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT WHITE MENS NOW AND I DO BELIEVE THAT THEY WANT WOMAN OF COLOR,BUT SOME WANT THERE FAMILY MORE.TO ME LOVE HAS NO COLOR AND IN THIS RELATIONSHIP I THOUGHT WE WERE ON THE RIGHT PAGE,BUT I END UP WITH THE NERVOUSE BREAKDOWN AND STILL WORKING ON GETTING MYSELF BACK TOGETHER IN THIS LIFE,BUT I HAVE LEANER A VALVE LESSON HERE.BUT IT WILL NOT STOP ME FROM DATING OUT MY RACE,BECAUSE I BELEIVE LOVE HAS NO COLOR.

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  33.   dcmd says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 10

    I agree with CJ 41 (above) Im not "colorblind" .I perfer a black lady because she is black. When I say black i mean not just a color but an attitude and sense of self contentment. There is just something "warm and confortable " about a black lady.

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  34.   67novass says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 10

    I am amazed that unfortunately we een need to discuss if it ok. Or that how will we all be received. I am old fashioned, that also means without biases. I see beautiful women, whatever color. Frankly I have ALWAYS thought that black women have had way more to offer in the pfysical sense thatn white women, even as a child I remeber thinking what a beautiful women a pretty black women was if I saw her. Society is what puts on the pressure, I agree, if you are comfortable in your own skin.......Whgatever that skin color may be you will be with whom ever makes you happy and attracts you. We must all be honest we do have to have the initial attraction before we pursue.... I have found it just the opposite though, I find it very hard to a have a black women take my advance seriously......I find it hard to ask. Face it we all hate rejection........ But for me I have always believed that the black women has always and always will have a better body than a white women......I mean the average women. I am not against white women either, I just believe there is nothing more amazing than a wonderful not to confidant over powering black women....

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  35.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 10

    Brown eyes / Black hair . Older more experienced / Proud my wife found me at Afro-Romance . Enjoy who you Desire to be with / many have their own problems , alas these problems are Theirs . Have had Our share of Critics / There are Too many Intelligent people in this World to worry what others think . Each must make their personal journey thru life / We Decided to do it " Our way " .

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  36.   ruajones says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 10

    Mathematically, Black women have a significantly higher probability of finding a spouse by dating Caucasian, Asian and Latino men. This includes Middle Eastern and Indian (from India) men. If the pickings are still too slim, then each of the ten million Black women in the US should have passports and visit a different country every few months. Why should Black women limit themselves? The world is too populated to limit oneself. I suggest that all single Black women travel to Canada, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Greece, England, Netherlands, France and Iceland to date outside of their race. Between broadening their dating pool in the US and traveling abroad to the aforementioned countries (or any additional countries they wish), most, if not all single Black women will find a spouse. In sum, it is simply mathematical probability.

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  37.   konstanze says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 10

    I don't care about color. I just want to someone to treat me right! Its doesn't matter if hes white or black. I agree with Jeanne as well.

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  38.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 10

    @Jeanne - it's not moot. We may be in the 21st century but folks still act like it's the early 1900's. It's going to take a lot more time before everyone around us becomes more comfortable with seeing black women and white men together. Fret not - it won't stop me from dating a White man; anyone dating interracially has to be prepared with a tough layer of skin. Not because of your mate but because of everyone else.

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  39.   erik1love says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 10

    i think things are progressing lil by lil, however there is still a bias in the media especially tv and the movies.. the problem is the media put white women on a pedestal like they are the epitome of beauty and grace........ i don't see it and i don't get it....it is definitely not equal opportunity...... i think black women are finally getting the message that some white men genuinely wanna love and be with black women and not have and use black women for a "fantasy" or an "experiment".. i just think black women should give white men a chance.. some white men with no game don't know how to approach black women either because of shyness, fear of rejection, and a fear of not being "down".lol

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  40.   shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 10

    While reading some of the comments, one should wonder if perhaps some are adding to these stereotypes about who and why white men aren't dating black women as much. From where I live, I do see WM and BW couples. Folks, there is no need to use one or two bad past experiences to generalize the whole planet or to simply think ***"OH, It Must Be true that WM aren't dating BW because my experience went sour"*** Lets not be so quick to assume white men's taste & choices just because the Media or Forums such as this one might imply otherwise. Now, as far as the article goes, I really think black women should continue to follow their hearts more but take more chances as well. shotgun007

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  41.   devnull says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 10

    Sounds like a fascinating book. Personally I have dated all races of women but I have a preference but not cast in stone for Black women. As a black guy myself I do sympathatize with African American women in the USA for lack of good African American men. I think its a stupid and wrong impression to give the outside world that MOST BLACK MEN IN USA ARE NOT GOOD. What about the African and Carribean black men? Almost 85% of African men in USA are decent professional well educated you hardly hear African women complaining about there are no good African men. My advice to African American women is indeed widen your pool to other races but also widen it to other black men and don't be fooled by the American media. Also this is an interracial site so this could also be a way to get more members who are undecided. Finally justified or not..Most white men's idea of beauty is blonde and white and not that many white men fancy black women and not that many black women fancy white men. Also the grass is not always greener on the other side. Good luck!!!!!

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  42.   lizzy2005 says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 10

    So many people in society are still convieniently ignorant when it comes to interacial relationships. It is pathetic that these indiviuals view themselves as 'superior' to others just because of their skin colour. Be true to yourself an date whom you want to. You may be judged. But those who do the judging aren't really worth knowing at all!

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  43.   firstime says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 10

    I have never dated outside of my race as of yet...however i have never had a problem attracting white men or men of any other race and i do not have European features.... neither does beyonce her skin may be light but there is nothing white about her features can a black woman NOT just BE attractive without someone throwing in oh she has white features urgh?! I really do feel that with white men its not that they do not want to date black women i think they find approaching black women harder there are a alot of walls with interracial dating especially with white men dating black women I also think with black women in particular are much more sensitive to the ideals of society and pick up on things other races have and will never have to deal with and sometimes unintentionally internalize that into why they feel undesirable to white males in particular

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  44.   Balance38 says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 10

    This is true Cj41. Sharon, I don't know wether you know this or not but MOST white people see black as black. It does not matter whether you are light complextion or dark. Just one drop of black blood makes you black. I have dated white men most of my life. I have got more back lash from my own race than the white race to be honest(Not saying white people do not critize).I think for the black women that have experience limited date rate with white men,maybe the culture you surround yourself with. In order to meet white men, you must be willing to step out of your comfort zone of culture and go inside of theirs.I also believe you must be willing to not only understand their culture but to assimulate in it as well.The author is correct. There are a great number of white men who want to date black women and yes even marry them. However, you as a couple( the man and woman) must have great communication. Best luck to you all.

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  45.   Okherewego says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 10

    This article really made me think about why I'm on this site. I plainly find Caucasian men and Latino men extremely attractive. I do not believe such ridiculous statements that we (African American women) are not attractive in the eyes of Caucasian men; thats absolutely insane to believe such a thing. Nor do I believe we have to look like Halle Berry, Tracee Ellis Ross or Beyonce. If you have confidence in yourself and love who you are, then men of all ethnicities will see that shining light coming from within and run after you. Jeanne I agree with you...."let's value ourselves just a little more in the process".

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  46.   Cheeky says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 10

    Large numbers of white men may not want to date black women, but that doesn't mean black women can't say yes to a date with a white guy if he offers. It's all about being open-minded. You can date black men, white men, and hispanic men, etc. At my job, most of the men who hit on me are hispanic, and I work around mostly Black men. I am a very dark-skinned women. Go figure!

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  47.   Jeanne says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 10

    This is all moot. Human beings dating human beings! This is the 21st century for goodness sakes. The only race is the human race. So-called race mixing has been going on since the days of Adam. It is just marriage, etc…No one cared about the trivial things that our present culture often presents as taboo. Tribes blended, languages blended, and families blended to create this wonderful tapestry of humanity that we have today. I do not care if a man is black, white, green , grisly, or gray, so long as he is a good man, a kind and generous human being who is open and comfortable in his skin and not averse to the skins of others. Live and let live. The older one gets, the more one sees that the outside of someone is not as important as the inside. Black women, come on! Date anyone you want, have fun, ...and let's all value ourselves just a little more in the process.

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  48.   Cj41 says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 10

    Hello people. I would like to say as a white man that would prefer a black woman. And i have dated plenty of black women. That the women really have to go threw allot more crap then the man. I was brought up in a home that hits real close to this blog. When my parents found that i was dating outside my race they flipped out and not for the good. I lost friends family, stopped talking to me school was hell. Then i realized that it was my life that i have to live and if i was going to be listening to them that i would never be happy. This all applies to the women to but i really believe it is a lot worse. This is my opinion if you are a man or woman black or white and you want to have a relationship with another race you must be ready for all the criticism & racism that can and will come your way. If you are ready for it go for what you WANT. Don't let ignorant people live your life for you BE HAPPY with who you want to be with.. Have a Blessed day... Yours truly Cj41..

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  49.   dee says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 10

    @ akbar, One will suffice, thank you very much. And, I will be sure to let the women in your family know how you really feel about them.

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  50.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 10

    I agree with Sharon, the majority of white men do not want to date black women, unless they have caucasian features like the Beyonce's and Halle's. Many others will date us but will not introduce you to their friends or family. I discovered that the hard way from someone I met and dated from here-- what a rude awakening. I'm much more cautious now.

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