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If I knew then...

Posted by Ria, 09 Nov

What love and sex advice would you give your younger self?

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Wasted youth … retrospective clarity on mistakes of our past! All these exist for a reason. We all learn the hard way - some of us much harder than the rest of us perhaps – particularly when it concerns love and sex. We have scars and those eeewwww!!! journal entries to prove it.

If you were to step back into time to give yourself a good hard shake, or that bang on the head, what advice would you give yourself? What do you wish you knew then about love and sex that would have saved you the learning-the-hard-way biz?

Here’s what would have worked for me: Never treat someone as a priority especially when they merely treat you as an option. This would have saved me 6 years of a bad relationship … wasted years!!!

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18 responses to "If I knew then..."

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  1.   DTONE3 says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    I would tell the younger me that even if someone tells you that they love you , you cannot allow them to continually screw up. At some point you have to draw a line in the sand and say no more.

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  2.   curveegirl says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 08

    I would tell the younger me that when someone shows you can't trust them...you can't. You should just cut your losses and move on. Also, I'd tell myself that you deserve to be happy...not someone elses ideal of happy...but your own.

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  3.   jackie73010 says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 08

    Ok, I come at this from a totally different direction. I was the one who waited and listened to my inner Mom. Now, I would go back and tell my younger me that its OK, lighten up, live a little. In a hundred years no one will remember whether you were a good girl or a bad girl.

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  4.   501venus says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 08

    I heard someone say someone in jest but also seriously. Treat someone you want longterm as an employee, in that spend at least 90 days before you give them benefits. If we long at the long term in a serious nature, we can trust, respect and love. Instead of guessing in the short-term because we are hoping to get what we want in the long-term. We all have to take a 'leap of faith' but my mistake has been I've been the one to take the giant leap and jump the grand canyon while not looking first to see if the other one has been even willing to walk across the street and step up on the curb to meet me. Patience is a virtue, a time saver and an injury saver (for the heart and sanity for the mind).

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  5.   in_my_prime says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 08

    wait, wait, wait and then wait a bit longer till you are 110% sure... if he is worth it, he will wait patiently, loving and respectfully for you.. your body belongs to you, no-one else has the right to touch it without your consent and without your blessing!.. dont ignore the warning signs or that little voice that tells you the truth - you will pay for it in the end!..

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  6.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 08

    I agree with Part1...most of our lives if we just watch and listen to your intution..alot will be achieved.

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  7.   party1 says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 08

    Watch and listen more is the best advice I could give myself.Sometimes we hear/see stuff and it goes right by but if ya slow down and watc/listen you may find out stuff much faster and easier.

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  8.   cometdog says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 08

    I guess one of the things I would go back and tell my self is that if she complains about you not telling her your feelings but every time you do share your feelings she stomps on them with the big boot. It is best to walk away she probably doesnt care. Jason BTW it probably became cyclical about not shareing feelings why share if they are just going to get stomped on.

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  9.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 08

    "Cool" is being true to yourself, doing what you love with your life, taking an active interest in others and really listening. We get our greatest pleasures from relationships in which we both naturally, enthusiastically and selflessly please each other. It's called love. It's also by far the best sex. Use the delete button on your phone - Removing jerks, users and emotionally draining people not only makes room for the type of people we want in our lives but also makes us happier and life just goes so much better. Actively look for others with these attitudes: Are they naturally chivalrous and kind? "If you don't go when you want to go, when you do go you'll find you're gone." - Burt Munro, in "The World's Fastest Indian" Read Desiderata and see "The World's Fastest Indian." Go out and live your dream because it's your dream and it's your life, not your parent's. Don't let that or anything get in the way of your education.

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  10.   little_mi says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 08

    Great question! We have to make the mistakes in order to become wise.I agree with the others. Value myself better - very important, if you sell yourself short, someone who doesn't really care will buy cheap. Don't allow myself to be bullied or think that my needs are not nearly as important - goes back to value. Love is not just a word, its an action. For some people its easy to speak of love for blackmail. Don't say I love you out of politeness - forgive me I'm British. Listen to the older women - they are the best fountains of knowledge - nothing you're going through is new. Make sure you have time for your friends - they'll be there at the start, middle and end. Don't use sex as a gap filler. If you have nothing to talk about sex is not going to fill the void for long - no matter how cute you are. By the way those 6 years weren't wasted. You know how you felt at the time and it mean't alot.

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  11.   little_mi says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 08

    Great question! We have to make the mistakes in order to become wise. I agree with the others. Value myself better - very important, if you sell yourself short, someone who doesn't really care will buy cheap. Don't allow myself to be bullied or think that my needs are not nearly as important - goes back to value. Love is not just a word, its an action. For some people its easy to speak of love for blackmail. Don't say I love you out of politeness - forgive me I'm British. Listen to the older women - they are the best fountains of knowledge - nothing you're going through is new. Make sure you have time for your friends - they'll be there at the start, middle and end. Don't use sex as a gap filler. If you have nothing to talk about sex is not going to fill the void for long - no matter how cute you are. By the way those 6 years weren't wasted. You know how you felt at the time and it mean't alot.

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  12.   Silverpearl says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 08

    I think there will be always things which we will regret, or wish we would have done it differently. I guess mistakes are there to make us grow. Some people just glide accross life, doing things without evaluating and realizing the mistakes, or gains. At the time we realize something as a mistake, we are 1 step above the problem. If we would know everything in advance, there would be no challange anymore. Some things come easy and for some things we pay a big price. I think, if there would be a chance for me to go back and tell myself something about love and sex... is to separate the two. I should know myself first, love myself first, before starting any relationship with anyone. Learn to truely value myself, not let other people decide my value. But every age has its own intelligence... I'm not sure if I would have listen to myself.. to be honest. But these are the lessons I've learned so far... Sex is there to complete the relationship, not to be the reason for it. If it's the reason... no issue, just we need to be constientious about it. Love is making the soul glow and that's more important than anything in the world.

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  13.   ninja39 says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 08

    If I could step back into time and give myself advice about love and sex it would be to not mix the two. I was famous for doing that in my early twenties. If I was having a good sexual relationship with a man that I thought that I was in love with and he told me that he loved me everytime we had sex, I would sum that up to mean that he really did love me and the funny thing about it was that most of the time the sex wasn't even good for me. If I would have used my brains then I would have realized that if the man truly loved me then he would make sure that I was pleasured instead of himself. That was many ages ago though because I have come to grow very far away from all of that. I have learned that true love involves deep communication. It involves listening to your partner and the willingness to really build something together. It also involves having the ability to love yourself first. If you can't love yourself then how can you ever love someone else? God is love and we are created in his image so love is a beautiful thing!!!!!

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  14.   thickgapeach says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 08

    My advice would be to marry your first love or if not possible run from that pissant who would get you pregnant and leave.

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  15.   licious says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 08

    I often thought about that and often arrive at the same thing. LISTEN TO MY MOM.......... She often said to attain your goals and your dreams and guys will always be there .... but your goals and your dreams often are harder to attain when you make the wrong choices and decisions. I dont regret one thing though whcih is my kids, but I would love to them to have a loving and caring father.

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  16.   Meron says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 08

    Oh Yeah! Would I love to go back now with all the accomodating experience I have attained. That "Everything for a reason and/or season" (paraphrased from the bible) is so true. The gravitation to the ones that give you a "something seems somewhat off" as "hazelpride" put it, gives merit to being more careful with your heart. And, the obvious choices that could have been easily made that you left standing in the lane of "maybe" gets smashed in traffic while you are passing going over the speed limit. They are all to familiar and hurtful or fulfiling. I gave way to much to my first love and not nearly enough to the one who loved me unconditionally just 3 years later. Meanwhile, I lost both! I give as much attention today to the ones who captivate, makes my heart skip a beat or even sweeps me off my feet as I do to the not so obvious, obscure in nature, average in appearance and even short on words. Keeping my head on and my heart gaurded is a plus these days. I've waited to long and can be patient even further in sharing love and life with a great man. He does not have to make great money, have celebrity status or extremely gifted in bed. Been there, done that! It all comes down to Love. Love that is true, kind, has patience and intimacy. HURT can't survive where there is Real LOVE!

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  17.   hazelpride says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 08

    I know for a fact never ignore your sixth sense, giving you a nudge that something might be wrong. Most times we can see things happening that we obviously feel are not right but we give excuses for it.

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  18.   lovelybbw says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 08

    ....WOW, great question, if I could give myself advice and do things over again, I would never settle for second best!

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