Interracial relationships: When you see race and your partner don't
I was going through this blog that blogs about stuff (some) white people do; and the topic that day was: 'fail to see their interracial relationships from the other side'.
This Asian chick, Cl, dating a white dude points out how race issues are personal to her because they affect her life directly. She says, "I am mixed cultured, and always feel in-between -- both here and there, but neither fully here nor there."
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Here is an except from the article:
...a ticket agent spoke English with my white boyfriend, and then turned and tried his Japanese with me. When I didn't respond, he asked my boyfriend standing right next to me, "What does the lady speak?" His English wasn't great, his accent heavy, and my boyfriend didn't hear him at first over the buzz, so he tried again, "Japanese?" This time, I spoke up, "No, Chinese." He then tries a few lines of his limited Chinese with me. I just wanted to get past him as quickly as possible, so I obliged sparingly, as it had become clear to me that he was going to hold on to our ticket until I had given him some indication of my ethnicity. Pretending to not hear him hadn't worked.
My boyfriend mused afterward that he thought the guy was nice and sweet. I shook my head and said I didn't think so. When he asked why, I didn't have an answer for him. I didn't know how to begin to explain or phrase even to myself what felt so uncomfortable and racist in that interaction, without sounding hollow or oversensitive. Really, this sort of conversation about race is always difficult to begin.
Most of us have been in such situations in our interracial interactions. Its like, what feels like such a degradation of your own being seems like nothing to your significant other. Sometimes, such remarks are made by friends and family members of your partner. And you just don’t understand why this person who claims to love you sooo much, can’t see the through the remarks or treatment that you feel is somehow racist. Here is how Cl puts it:
"He gets it in theory. He gets it on paper. But at the end of the day, he doesn't live it. He can say that he doesn't see race when it comes to us dating, that it doesn't cross his mind that we're an interracial couple, but I see race everywhere… I live it and deal with it constantly,"
I know most of you here are in interracial relationships or have had experiences with race issues in interracial relationships. How do you deal with such issues as an interracial couple when your partner doesn't even agree that there are race issues in the first place?
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33 responses to "Interracial relationships: When you see race and your partner don't"
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Glock says:Posted: 11 Mar 10
"Lady" actually I'm being objective, not naive. You have your perspective and I have mine. I have been on the receiving end of being accused as racist, prejudice and stereotypical, it comes with the territory of being white. This article could be "what if'd" to death because there are many unanswered questions here. But of course, it seems the intent here is for readers of this to reach a universal conclusion that there was a racist motive in the interaction. I just happen to disagree with that premise and laid out why I felt so. In fact, the artical doesn't even say if the ticket agent in question was white, only that he spoke "broken english". It would be more benifical if the article had all three points of view instead of only the one. There is always more than one side to the story.
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Lady says:Posted: 09 Mar 10
I agree with "No Player" “Had her boyfriend not been so clueless as to how his woman was feeling disrespected he could have intervened on her behalf but because he was clueless his woman had to go it alone, assuming things went as the article implied.” This is only going to get worse if he thinks that kind of behavior is cute, maybe next time when they are calling you "ching" or assuming you own a laundry mat he will think that is cute too! NO OFFENSE "Glock" but you are being naive. I can tell that you are angry and have been on the receiving end of racism at the hands of black people, so why can't you use that to put yourself in her shoes. Race is important and does matter! This blog would not exist if we were not all willing to do something that is totally against the mindset of most people. I may not be a mindless sheep who follows the crowd that goes along with racism and hatred, but not because I am not capable of being one. I am as interested in self preservation as the next person. By some strange twist of fate, I fell in love with best man I have ever met in my life, and he happens to be a white Polish man. It was nothing that I planned and I ignored him for three years, because I was afraid of what other people would think.I have defiantly suffered because of our marriage, but we are are happy ! So I ignore it,(but it took many years to get here) and sometimes I still feel like it is unfair. My husband hasn’t suffered any reprucussions behind our relationship… that I can see anyways. He is a strong person who makes his own way in the world and doesn’t care what people think. I am sure that a lot of the freedom he has is based on the fact that he is successful and financially stable. Homesteader I would never call you a Pollack, I am a huge fan of Polish men and think they are the best men out there. I know that I am stereo typing, but who cares!! I have heard the “once you go black” ....sayings, in my opinion, it should be once you go Polish because my husband is the S@!*T!!!!! I have to be honest that my husband probably would have done the same thing your boyfriend did. He would have thought that the man was trying to help, and given him the benefit of the doubt. We have been together over twenty years and my husband still doesn’t understand the way racism impacts my daily life. I have made a conscious effort to stop letting other people ruin my life, and our live together. I choose to forgive them, pray and move on. If you love this man, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY WHY SOMETHING LIKE WHAT HAPPENED AT THE AIRPORT WOULD BE OFFENSIVE TO YOU. We can all pretend that being a minority in America doesn’t give you baggage, but it does. If you can’t accept the you are going to be perceived as the different one in most situations, maybe you should consider not dating interracially. ( no offense)
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mts2sea says:Posted: 09 Mar 10phat kitty---something new was a great movie. i watch it every time it comes on. it reinforces my notion that love is truly blind and sees no color. prejudice, with its accompanying discriminations, also shows no color or preference. i remember when i first started dating my ex in the 80's. her dad couldnt get over the idea that his little girl was dating a white guy. he refused to meet me for two years. i would come over to their home with the intent of introducing myself, but he would avoid me. it became a game later on. it's funny now because he and i are still great friends.
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phatkitty says:Posted: 07 Mar 10
I hope that I am not repeating someon else's comment, here goes: This piece reminds me of the movie with Sanaa Latan and Simon Baker, "Something New" Does anyone rem. the part where they were at the grocery store and Sanaa was venting about how her day was at the office, yeah that part. Well Simon was tired of her fussing and he called the racist people "jerks" needless to say Sanaa was beside herself, she lost it right there in the store. I mention this, because alot of you guys that commented on this are right, the other side never see the stares, the snide remarks, the rejection, the subtle prejudice or whatever. I'll share:Eight yrs ago, I was at Starbucks/Barns&Noble and I bought a CD earlier so it was half showing out of my handbag when my other half, who wasnt even white, i think he was from Lebanon at the time, was placing our order and the cashier girl immediately asked me if i wanted to pay for that refering to the already paid CD. I was surprise and angry to say the least.i almost lost it, but he told me not to worry about it, he saw what happend, but was trying to move pass it with a quickness ie. no confrontation; while i wanted to address it. I replied, its paid for with much 'tude and we left the store in the rain, at the same time he put his arm around me, because we were sharing one umbrella and as we were about to step out the doors, a blk guy looked at me with "why?" question mark on his face. Right then, i didnt give a flying duck, i was pissed and i got it from both sides of the fence, in one setting, so go figure. Of course the ride home was a quiet one, we never discussed it ever.
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homesteader says:Posted: 05 Mar 10
NOPLAYER ; I washed dishes - before I drove Tractor-Trailer Truck Cross-country / Canada
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Billy_C says:Posted: 04 Mar 10
I could care less about race. i see a woman i want, i date her. I see someone i like, i befriend them. It is the constant harping on race that continually causes separation. IMO the quicker people stop talking about it, the quicker it will become a non issue to the rest of you folks. ~Billy
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homesteader says:Posted: 25 Feb 10
mts2sea ; Thank you for the thoughts . Yes : while reading Possible side effects of my blood pressure medicine / it did say one of the SIDE EFFECTS - that may occur , " Gas " . You know being a Natural body function I could give a Rats Behind same as much as I could give any extra care and thought to my wife and I being / Who We are . We continue to see people as " Individuals " some do / some don't - some will / some won't . Most have grown with age / some will continue to act as Children THROUGHOUT THEIR WHOLE LIVES . It is wonderful living in Southeast Texas when the wind blows and Me passing " Gas " goes with it , Hehe . We see Many different Inter-racial Families walking Happily everytime we go to town . It is Amazing how people Learn to Enjoy Life as Intelligent Individuals who have found their Partners .
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 25 Feb 10
@ Homesteader - Hey man, it's been a minute since I've been down in the grease pit, I now enforce the safety practices of those who work down at the grease pit. The jokes on you jack! I'm moving on up like The Jeffersons, he he! @ PeaceTrain - I agree with you on that. Many fail to understand that when you go outside of the norms of society's view point, you better be prepared for evil looks, f***ed up comments and maybe physical confrontations. In an ideal word people would leave you alone and mind their own business but this is not an ideal world and if you cant stomach this reality, you're wasting your time in an IRR. You know how they say in the army commercial freedom aint free, well love comes at a price, particularly IR love. The mistreatment from people, being rediculed by close friends and family, or facing various forms of discrimination are some of the realities that IR couples have to deal with and if you are one of these delusional folks who thinks love will conquer all you might want to move to fantasy island.
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rae56 says:Posted: 25 Feb 10This reminds me of a class on diversity that I took many years ago. The Caucasians in the class didn't understand why people of color bristled when being referred to as "those people," not understanding how often the term is used negatively, i.e., "why can't THOSE PEOPLE stay in their own neighborhoods?" While the words might seem harmless to many, they are usually said with negative connotations, like people of color are lesser people. The young Chinese woman in the article may have felt that the ticket agent saw and was treating her as someone who was less than him and/or required special attention. OR, he could have been trying to make her feel more comfortable and gone overboard, OR, she could have just been too sensitive- it's often very difficult to figure what is in another person’s mind and heart.
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mts2sea says:Posted: 25 Feb 10
You're correct---change those rose colored glasses and realize that race issues, whether insipid or benign, are a part of society. And the woman who said that she and her boyfriend always received stares when out because of the age difference. I had to laugh because I remember 20 years ago, when my ex and I first got together, people would do the same thing. Although we were the same age, I had the genetics to blessed/cursed with gray hair at a very young age. I was completely gray in my twenties. So, people's perceptions were that I was her "Sugar Daddy." How wrong is perception! And dont you especially like the little old ladies with blue hair who give you those glaring stares over the rims of their glasses? Yes, race is always there, but when one is blessed with finding someone they are physically and emotionally connected with, who gives a flying fart what people think.
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PeaceTrain says:Posted: 23 Feb 10@whurr, You are so funny, and not bad on the eyes either!!!! As far as the above scenario is concerned, maybe the young lady should have been a little more assertive, in a dignified manner of course.. You can't change a person's mentality, but you shouldn't accept any an all behavior. You don't have to like me or approve of my choices, but you will respect me. As far as the boyfriend is concerned, he is viewing this sitaution, as it has probably applied to his life and his experience's, however if he plans to be in an interracial relationship(s), he is going to have to change his lenses so to speak... An honest dialogue would be a place to start, communication is the key. It's in my humble opinion, the weak and thin skinned should not attempt to be in an interracial relationship!!!! Ride the Peace Train
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homesteader says:Posted: 23 Feb 10
Charlton Heston was an intelligent man protecting a Ladie / comforting her . I am built well enough to protect my wife and if they jump my ass / My God bless them as she will watch my back . Remember / Everyone - regardless of Race and Creed , Feels Pain Equally . NOPLAYER ; PISSED Off IS STILL BETTER THAN PISSED On / Stand up get out of them grease pits . LOL Enjoyment come from Positive Thoughts / Learn to swat them Mesquitoes , Move on . whurr ; Charlton Heston made a Magnificent choice , I never saw your picture in Films with such a Pretty Ladie . Go ahead you two complain , it gives Us more time to Enjoy what we see in Public Forums .. Blog topics will never make you Famous , Hehe . Yet being Me , I found Her here . Change comes from Within and each shall Reap what they Sow . Just gotta Become Smart enough to plant the seed , use your Almanac .
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homesteader says:Posted: 23 Feb 10
Logic ; Reasoning / Still Hard for some to Understand . In how one sees others Smiles or Frowns / Re-actions after thought . Many in my younger years called me Pollock looked down on me / I grew and learned of their Ignorance . Moved Forward with my life . Feed em' cake . My life was Formed with Knowledge of criticism and my Ability to Avoid people who Display Hatred . We as a Couple see far more Friendly people than unfriendly people . The Assholes in Our own neighborhood can feel free to Rot in the dark as they crawl though their own Swamp . We know their names / if the Sheriff needs to ask , Hehe . Haste makes Waste / To live in a Swamp , Plagued with Vermin and all one has to do is to apply a little " Skin - so - Soft to Repel . Life is Easy if you choose to Make it that way / If you keep Pushing - People will Push back bye Nature . My Family left Poland before WW 1 , as Jewish people hey moved away to find Freedom in the United States of America in which to Enjoy / Their way . Intelligence in action ,
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whurr says:Posted: 23 Feb 10That picture with this blog is Charlton Heston from Omega Man. He got his arms madly draped around Lisa's neck because she the possible last piece of non-mutant azz on earth! He sure as hell saw her race... non-mutant ! Her azz could have been Aborigine or from the Amazon tribes that Sting always squawking about....and his azz still would be draped around her like that! He wanted to spread some non-mutant seed! Wasn't there a better pic to represent the blog? Dang!
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NOPLAYER says:Posted: 22 Feb 10
IMO people who claim not to see race are liars or they live in a world of illusion. There's no way to live in America and not see race, you may not want to acknowledge race or deal with it but it's their. Trust me where there's malaria there's mosquitoes. You deal with these issues by talking openly and honestly about them. It's much easier to avoid the issue than deal with it so people will either write the issue off as a thing of the past or they'll cop out along the line of "I don't see race" as a means of talking the fastest exit from reality. When people feel powerless to change a situation they learn to block it out and replace it with some other outlook such as, "I don't see race" or "we're all people" but the situation remains unchange regardless of what you fail to see. Now that I've pissed off a few people let me move on! What makes things easy for me and my wife is she has a first hand understanding of what it's like to have people look down you and try to mistreat you. Her family came to Germany from Poland and growing my wife and her sibblings always had to stand up for themselves and often got into physical altercations with many of the children from the neigborhood because of the kids calling them "Dirty Polocks" and many other degrading names. "You may call me Polock but you'll never call me a PUNK", as they say! It so easy when you're with someone who can relate to you and understand your point of view. People that dont understand, just dont understand, peiod! Those who've never been on the receiving end of this mistreatment cant relate to it and often they can claim to not see race or ethnicity because most have never had their race or ethnictiy cause them to become a target for mistreatment. I'm of the opinion that IR dating is not for the weak at heart, if you're not willing to face the ignorance of people head on then you'll have a hard time ahead of you. Maybe this woman should've opened her mouth and in an intelligent manner gave this guy a check up from the neck up said to him in English, "I speak and understand English but thank you for trying"! Had her boyfriend not been so clueless as to how his woman was feeling disrespected he could have intervened on her behalf but because he was clueless his woman had to go it alone, assuming things went as the article implied.
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Glock says:Posted: 20 Feb 10
I agree with bas44. The worse thing that I get from whites is usually when bringing the bill "Will this be together?" Which is a totally legitimate question. Often times whites do get blamed for "assuming" things that MOST people would assume, whether it is right or wrong. My experiences with the racial "conscious" thing is when I'm out with someone and a black employee at the business/ establishment waits on us and acts as though I' not there. Not only will they act as though I'm not there but display extreme impatience and aloofness. As for the article, what if the guy totally ignored her? Without knowing the whole story about this article (which isn't unusual here), we could "what if"this to death. What if he spoke English to her and she didn't speak any or take the chance that her boyfriend would jump on him about speaking english to her. She could have taken it as a compliment that he was respecting a different culture and attemping to speak what he thought was her language. There are a thousand ways to spin this. Or he simply could have said nothing to her thinking if he says anything it's going to be taken wrong. Then she would say he totally ignored me! It's simply a no win situation for someone who is bent on "seeing" race at every turn.
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Jungle says:Posted: 20 Feb 10
Territory means boundaries. Lines that define TalkinTall. Even though interracial attraction is true....there are many believers who will draw a line when it comes to race.....Thankgod WE live in a age where men and women are attracted to one another because of interest,common bonds, and chemistry, and not of racial issues
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melodicallynluv says:Posted: 19 Feb 10I actually don't want to be in an interracial relationship where my boyfriend points out the hardships of my race and how its unfortunate how his race ages ago treated my race LOL Like...yea. I mean I want him to be respectful and not say something ignorant either at the same time. But yeah initially color differences bring us together, but it shouldn't be all that has ya know.
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BrownB09 says:Posted: 17 Feb 10
There were quite a few situations that left my ex and I quite perplexed, or angry. The stares, the assumptions from many(our friends and family most of the time)As time went on we felt that we should deal with these issues by simply not making them an issue.....we would treat indignant folk as if they were non-persons.
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takinitall says:Posted: 17 Feb 10@ Maxhnb I also have a home in Ruston, La. One thing I learned about the South is that they do frown upon interracial couples. My ex and I went there to do some repairs to the house to get it rented. People would not even speak to me, but acted as if I was invisible. At first I was pissed, becuae his name is nowhere on the house, then he said, I will work us a better deal. But when we went to dinner or wal mart and people saw us holding hands, I thought we were going to be lynched. Bottom line is I totally understand what you are saying about the deep South. You guys are truly a powerful couple and continue to love each other no matter what!
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takinitall says:Posted: 17 Feb 10
AMEN NAT! It comes with the territory. I know people would like to believe color doesn't matter but it does. If it didn't matter we wouldn't have to mark it for the Census, jobs and some loans. Just be happy and secure with who you are and everything else will flow. Now what I can't stand is a man who has 1 million questions about a black womans hair and why I change it so much rather than growing locks. Quit playing, I know I'm not the only black woman with this issue!
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nat says:Posted: 14 Feb 10
Lets get the facts stright white is white black is black it means nothing as long as the two of you are into one another and are happy together. If people look at you very strange because of what you have together then thats there problem.As long as you can handle any looks or thoughts then you belong together and you love will always be there for one another.
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patrice1 says:Posted: 14 Feb 10i experienced parts of southern europe to be even more backward than the UK in race relations. i'm of a chilled jamaican community whose dignity in the UK was responsible for establishment of the race relations act in the 1960's, still protecting the livelihood of people of foreign parts in the UK to this very day. however when backpacking in southern europe with a white partner in my uni days, i would send my partner in to assure that we were able to book our hotel so to enjoy the next few days of our exploration. he being naive (and a little shy) would protest on the basis that i posssessed better foreign language skills. i reminded him that if we wished to enjoy a shower and bed for the night, and to avoid the risk of sleeping in our small hired car, then he could try to exhibit some sheer pragmatism about life. we always enjoyed a cosy night ! near done europe: now prefer to de-stress and spend my taxed money in the turquoise caribbean - fine swimming early in the morning in a white rocked cove, sparkling fresh fish caught that morning for my dinner + foodstuffs of a non-hydroponic nature, the rays of the sun to warm my bone marrow with good looking brown people about me prone to laughter - it's no contest!
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party1 says:Posted: 11 Feb 10Addendum:The young woman chose to walk away and it is a good assumption she has done that before.Thus she was offended,hurt and intimidated as she has been in the past.At some point s when with a mate or spouse you must handle your business on your own because its small stuff .When you have a confidence through experience that he/she has your back in whatever way you choose to handle it,then these situations are easier to resolve.This was much to minor for the mate to get involved at that point.He was oblivious to her pain because he did not percieve that the guy was a threat in any way ,just a dumb attempt to talk to a woman.Walking away is commendable,but constantly goin through life hurting or being offended is not healthy.Laughter makes pain go away.
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maxhnb says:Posted: 11 Feb 10My experience is quite different. My wife is Black and we have lived in both Miami and New Orleans where she has been the object of discrimination in employment and perhaps because she is with a white man. I have seen her suffer and have lived trying to see the world through her eyes. At times it isnt very pretty and it is frustratiing because I cant do anything about how these low-lifes treat her. I live with the anger and the hurt and the upset we both have. I don't know if thats too good because it hurts us both and objectivity is hard to keep. Most of the time people are accepting and dont intrude but in the deep south, it can be very upsetting.
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tata27 says:Posted: 11 Feb 10
I get stared at every time i am out my boyfriend who is white and older than me i know that some people have a problem with it i don't care because when we are out we only focus on each other and whats around us. Here is the thing God created to his own image we are one race " the human race".
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party1 says:Posted: 10 Feb 10
Humor would be the defense mechanism that can often be used.Rival lions/lioness are competetive and will try and use your mate as a pawn in order to hurt your feelings and show their self proclaimed dominance especially on their home turf.Being able to withstand an attack without stooping to the level of the ignorant aggressor and making a point while being tastefully and timely comical is an art.Many times the forum is not condusive with an action that would put the aggressor in place.But all eyes are on the reciever of such insults and their response ultimately is remembered. In the above mentioned circumstance the young woman may have answered "No sir I am a republican" or "a vegetarian" or " a taxi driver" etc and how that line is delivered (tone) with a smile is often indefensable.A classy bit of humorous sarcasm trumps ignorance.Laugh ya'll ,,lighten up.
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mistersuave1 says:Posted: 10 Feb 10
Hmmmm... Being English, I'm used to hearing the criticism (probably deserved) that we are possibly the world's worst for learning or trying to speak any language other than English. We are, it has to be admitted, hopeless. However, when I go abroad and someone speaks to me in English before I have even begun to grapple with the native tongue, I feel that they are trying to make life easy for me and are displaying good manners and common sense (I could be there all day otherwise lol). I do NOT feel that being recognised as English is insulting as I am proud of my heritage. Now, if I went abroad and tried to order a local dish from a menu, for example, and the maitre de insisted on serving me with fish and chips or roast beef (i.e. using a national stereotypical trait to make fun of me), then I would feel insulted. Speaking my language to me is not insulting, it's good manners ... lol and probably better than I deserve, given my hitherto horrific attempts with Arabic and French :)
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bas44 says:Posted: 10 Feb 10
When I'm out with a white man I do see it but its very under the cover. But I get it more from Black men. I think alot of white people try to be more sensitive towards issues. I don't let it bother me.But I do remember here recently I was out with wm T that i happend to be dating at that time) and white female, who was the owner, looked at me in a way like and black woman would look at black man with white girl. But white boyfriend was clueless and I didn't say a thing.I try to keep small things small. And we continued had a romantic and beautiful evening afterwards.
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rarestgold says:Posted: 09 Feb 10
I don't think this happens as much as it used to. When I first started dating White guys (almost 20 years ago) it was hard because they didn't always understand the kinds of issues I faced. Fortunately for all of us times they are a-changing and for the most part people are more sensitive then they have been in the past, especially when it comes to race relations.
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homesteader says:Posted: 08 Feb 10
When I pickup the telephone / a recording says " Press one for English , press three for Spanish . Is this Reverse Racialism ? or is this just an attempt to make a person who speaks another language comfortable ? Ria ; you think when you enter the Stop n' Go , Seven Eleven or Sac n' Save and the people who run the Establishment are speaking to each other in Their Native Languauge / are making fun of you ? Commonsense will over-ride ignorance on my part of not knowing their language , yet they will communicate with me in English / Probably spoken better than my usage of Slang at times in order to Draw a Laugh , Hehe . " Tastes just like - Chicken - bet there are no Stray cats in this neighborhood " Said Aloud while eating # 1 on the Mexican menu to the waitress this past week . My wife assured me this was Uncalled for / yet some others sitting at the next table did laugh . Bill Cosby's Presidental advertizement ; Stated " This is America / Learn English or don't cross the Border . " The ticket agent was attempting to show his intelligence / being bi-lingual . Speaking back to his Feeble attempt , in your own bi-lingual usage of language would seem the proper Response to me .
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Niland says:Posted: 08 Feb 10I feel that we all have these issues no matter what race we are. For instance, my hair is blond and many people have assumed I must be German, which I'm not. This assumption has caused problems in the past with some people who are Jewish. In some instances they've gotten aggressive with me for absolutely no reason, and the only conclusion I can possibly come up with is that they thought I was German. People will make assumptions about anything and anyone. People assume heavyset people are slow runners and unathletic, but that's not always true. There's a misconception that people wearing glasses are very smart. That's not always true either. I'm a white musician and people don't expect me to play soulfully, but when I get that vibe it really makes me step up. Puts a fire under my ass to prove myself... it's not necessarily a bad thing. I believe the issue is deeper than just race because we all have something that sets us apart from each other. Something which we think our partner won't understand.
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"My online love inspiration angel"
Submitted by: Patricia, USA, 21
To be honest, in the beginning, I thought it would be a waste of time. But since I've never seen a similar service in any other dating site, I decided to give it a try.
I always "thought" my profile was on point and I did not need any help to correct my page. I always had in my profile if someone is not attracted to my profile, then that's "their" loss.
BOY WAS I WRONG!!
I will never forget my first time using the Coaching Service I was introduced to my personal Dating Coach. Let me put it this way, if it was not for her I would have given up long time ago (even though I'm a new member).
She taught me so many things and gave me good advice, I did not want to stop chatting with her at all.
She opened my eyes to many possibilities when finding love. She is definitely an inspiration and I appreciate a whole lot. She is more than a Dating Coach to me; she is more of a close friend/guide to me. She is definitely my "online love-inspiration angel".
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Having going through the black experience myself as a black women I am sorry we have got past the race bull. RACE games are distructive to all people. This is true. About 25 years ago I had a white boyfriend and we were so young and so in love. We both were in college which was the good thing. After having several bad experiences with the outside world and the ignorance of how racist felt about us being together, I made a decision and it was for my boyfriends best interest. I know the world was trying to hurt us as a couple and he didn't understand this, but i did. I broke up with him and it hurt me so much,even to this day when ever its on my mind. He was in pre-medical school and I was majoring in political science at different colleges. For some reason he couldn't understand why i was doing this to us. It's been 25 years, today and he is one of the best surgeons on the planet. I know if I was to stay in his life the same doors that opened for him and gave him this opportunity would have shut him out not allowing him to get to this point of profession. I love you S--Jr. This is why I left you. I know you thought I was a mean women when I did this to you. Have a great life and you will alway be my first love.