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Is marrying for wealth such a bad idea?

Posted by Ria, 27 Aug

marrying for moneyWell, it all depends on how you look at it.

I hate being broke. Who doesn’t anyway! Its not like I am a gold digger or something but trust me, in my relationships, I have come to realize that a drop in cash flow affects my mood, hence how I relate to my spouse, hence the relationship. So for this reason, I love money. And for this reason, maybe I should follow the advice of Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake in their book ‘Smart Girls Marry Money - How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream--And How They're Paying For It’ (who say that a husband’s paycheck is important) and get me some Rich Mr. Right ;-) .

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These authors look at various angles of money and marriage ... including divorce. They talk about divorce settlements and how divorce exposes women to poverty. So according to them, marrying a good provider is entirely significant to an equitable settlement and urge ladies to settle for a package deal - a Mr.Right who is also a Mr. Rich.

But how do women choose their mates? Is it entirely for love or lovePlus?

Before, women used to look for men who could provide for them. And parents used to vet suitors based on their ability to provide. And if you look at some of these marriages which were based on practical reasons – the man’s ability to provide – they actually flourished into loving marriages. Even to date, a man’s status in society (not necessarily financial but personality, intelligence, well built body) is a very important attraction base for women.

Romanticizing about marriage is quite a new phenomenon. This is because women have gained financial autonomy. Coupled with the culture of ‘finding soulmates’ the significance of a man’s earning power has somewhat declined. According to the survey done by Ford and Drake, women who earn lots of money didn’t care much about money. Any cute guy would do. But for the low-income earners, money is very critical. Most single mothers said they would have married their baby daddy if he had a decent job.

Looking at most studies and my case for example, couples fight more about money issues than about other things. Constantly worrying about money has affected quite a number of relationships. And it’s even worse when children are involved. We all want the best for these cute money-sucking beings. Which is why some people opt to stay single … some opt not to get children because of their current financial situations.

But this doesn’t mean we ignore the love factor of the equation. Ideally, every girl wants a Rich Mr. Right. Do you think marrying a moneyed man is a better idea than marrying a broke guy you are head over heels in love with?

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35 responses to "Is marrying for wealth such a bad idea?"

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  1.   Happy_Girl says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 10

    The number one reason for divorce is money problems. Yes money matters.

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  2.   BeautyflBrwn says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 10

    I do not believe setting out to marry for money is anyone's agenda. However, I dated a man for 12 years whom I really loved. I fell in love with him instantly & thought that we would be able to build a life together. After finishing school, I realized that this man did not want to expand his horizons by getting an education. He would change jobs, sometimes not having a job at all for months. Also he had constant child support issues. If I had married this man, his issues would have become my issues. The court is able to use my salary to award how much child support his ex-girlfriend gets. My tax refund can also be garnished if we file jointly & he is in the rear. (not fair). Also buying a house, or obtaining any kind of property with someone who is not financially compatible or just not motivated to make life better for the family is unacceptable. There will be a life of hardships, constant confusion, & ultimately, a lack of respect. Every girl wants a man she can be proud of. Having a husband & borrowing money from family & friends to stay afloat is certainly not the ideal life.

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  3.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 10

    I agree with you that marrying for money is a bad idea. But don't confuse with lust with love because too many people marriage out of lust rather than love. Chemistry is also a myth that has been proved by scientific studies to be just another name for lust and the rationalization and people use to hide their lust behind. After counseling many people as a marriage counselor and asking many people who have had many past sexual experiences, plus reading many studies on sexual satisfaction, people who are plain to unattractive are more highly probably to be incredible in bed and good and giving ecstasy to their partners sexually because the don't have their looks to hide behind and they have to be that much better in bed to compensate for their lack of looks. Attractive people are notoriously lazy in bed for their partners and most often expect you to get off just by their attractive appearance. So ironically enough, the less attractive you are, the higher the probability statistically you are of being really good in bed. People with a lot of money fall in the attractive category because they expect you to please them the most rather than the other way around because of all the money they are giving you in the marriage. That's why women traditionally would marry for money in that past and in return, sex was supposed to be for the man. Now that women are making more money, the roles are often reversed as their are more and more males that are marrying for money and they have to be good at pleasing their sugar mommy. The rich cougars are snatching up young hot studs who are looking for an easy life financially so younger women look out.;-)

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  4.   nenaone says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 10

    I am not judging you. It’s just my opinion and nothing more. For me , just for me marrying for money is a very bad idea. I have never dated anyone because they could give me anything. I’m all about chemistry and marriage is about: intimacy, being friends, being lovers, lifting each other up, support, trust, being there, heat, hot sex, attraction, and so much that money can not buy. A million dollar bill, a new car or pair diamond earrings can’t kiss you or bring you to ecstasy.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      Who are you not judging? I am against marrying for money very strongly so I don't understand your statement.

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  5.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 10

    Anyone that goes into a profession just to make money to get women is only going to get women that are as shallow as they are and probably end up cheating and in divorce according to statistical studies. It also coincides with my personal experiences as a marriage counselor. Like Sirdavies says above, it is better to base a relationship on love and trust and I add compatibility. Those marriages are statistically higher in probability to last then those based mostly on wealth.

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  6.   Sirdavies says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 10

    Its totally wrong to base a relationship on material things like money or wealth. Relationship should be based on love and most importantly trust. NOT WEALTH

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      Anyone that goes into a profession just to make money to get women is only going to get women that are as shallow as they are and probably end up cheating and in divorce according to statistical studies. It also coincides with my personal experiences as a marriage counselor. Like Sirdavies says above, it is better to base a relationship on love and trust and I add compatibility. Those marriages are statistically higher in probability to last then those based mostly on wealth.

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  7.   Kelligirl says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 10

    naaa...I'll never "settle" I'm gonna find my Prince....or maybe he will find me this time!!!!!!!!!!!!! Money....you'll never have enough.....so give me the "real thing" PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  8.   Jan says:
    Posted: 15 Sep 10

    Has anyone read the article, Most couples fighting directly ties into money issues. Mr. Right is someone u r compatible in every aspect that is important to u, that is why he is Mr. Right. If he was not then he is Mr. Wrong. Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting him to be rich if u r not or even if u r. It is a preference. Anyway....... most rich people marry rich. Again my stance is marrying for money+love is using your smarts. And for the girls that have and will I say, Go girls let your independence roar!

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  9.   Godfather454 says:
    Posted: 15 Sep 10

    Women in here in Cali don't have to worry about marrying a rich man because the courts will find a way to give them money even if they both were low income. The fact is the guy still loses no matter what. Prenups mean absolutely nothing (ask Johnny Carson or Frank McCort owner to the LA Dodgers) since the courts have set their guidelines to destroy any man under the impress of being fair who earns more than his spouse....It's a shame, but its reality.

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  10.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 10

    As a marriage counselor, lack of money isn't the leading cause of divorce. Incompatibility is. If you know you are poor going into the relationship, then you should figure out what to spend your money on ahead of time if you get married. Even if you are financially stable, you could end up financially poor because of incompatibility on how the money should be spent. So if you are compatible as individuals before marriage and you have the same goals in spending money after you get married, you shouldn't have any trouble. But too many couples jump into marriage if there is any money there and don't think that one person might spend it more or differently than the other person, thus incompatibility. Wealthy people statistically get divorced just as much as poor people or average people. That is why the prenuptial agreement was brought into existence. Best thing to always do is marry for love with someone you share compatible life goals and personalities with. Otherwise you probably will end up in divorce or cheating or both. Money is not the answer unless you want a hollow marriage and you don't see each other often enough to fight over your incompatibilities but even that isn't that great of a safeguard.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      As a marriage counselor, lack of money isn’t the leading cause of divorce. Incompatibility is. If you know you are poor going into the relationship, then you should figure out what to spend your money on ahead of time if you get married. Even if you are financially stable, you could end up financially poor because of incompatibility on how the money should be spent. So if you are compatible as individuals before marriage and you have the same goals in spending money after you get married, you shouldn’t have any trouble. But too many couples jump into marriage if there is any money there and don’t think that one person might spend it more or differently than the other person, thus incompatibility. Wealthy people statistically get divorced just as much as poor people or average people. That is why the prenuptial agreement was brought into existence. Best thing to always do is marry for love with someone you share compatible life goals and personalities with. Otherwise you probably will end up in divorce or cheating or both. Money is not the answer unless you want a hollow marriage and you don’t see each other often enough to fight over your incompatibilities but even that isn’t that great of a safeguard.

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  11.   Jan says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 10

    Don't be stuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid. Money is important. Lack of money is the major cause of divorce. Of course he should be Rich, Mr. Right. Mr. Right is Loveplus. enough said.

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  12.   bijourex says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 10

    IT IS A BAD IDEA!! PERIOD!!

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  13.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 10

    Again, I think it is all in what you are looking for. You can choose neither of your options and marry someone for their depth and altruism and goodness and not for money or for goofy stuff. Personalitys are an equation that are based on what you spend you time on. If you spend too much time trying to make money, you are going to be lacking in other areas because you didn't allocate enough time to work on deeper things just from sheer lack of time. If you spend too much time being goofy and not looking at deeper and more altruistic things, then you won't have the time to develop depth and a high degree of understanding of life. But if you spend your time enjoying the finer pleasures and materialistic things in life, then depth and true goodness and self-sacrifice will be foreign concepts to you. So go for whatever you are into and have spent your time on. I do agree with you that you would be well fitted for an individual with money and is also goofy because those two aren't that far apart. You could find one of those individuals that works hard and plays hard and I think you might match well with them. It is whatever you are into. Just don't delude yourself into thinking you can find a Saint with a lot of money.;-) But then I don't think people want Saints any more in this day and age so I guess you might as well go for the money and enjoy yourself in the way you see fit.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      Again, I think it is all in what you are looking for. You can choose neither of your options and marry someone for their depth and altruism and goodness and not for money or for goofy stuff. Personalitys are an equation that are based on what you spend you time on. If you spend too much time trying to make money, you are going to be lacking in other areas because you didn’t allocate enough time to work on deeper things just from sheer lack of time. If you spend too much time being goofy and not looking at deeper and more altruistic things, then you won’t have the time to develop depth and a high degree of understanding of life. But if you spend your time enjoying the finer pleasures and materialistic things in life, then depth and true goodness and self-sacrifice will be foreign concepts to you. So go for whatever you are into and have spent your time on. I do agree with you that you would be well fitted for an individual with money and is also goofy because those two aren’t that far apart. You could find one of those individuals that works hard and plays hard and I think you might match well with them. It is whatever you are into. Just don’t delude yourself into thinking you can find a Saint with a lot of money.;-) But then I don’t think people want Saints any more in this day and age so I guess you might as well go for the money and enjoy yourself in the way you see fit.

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  14.   1Bee says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 10

    ummm just depends on what you want. i don't think it is too bad to go for someone who has a good economic standing. i love the finer things in life. however, spending all your time with someone you don't love may get old. it could be a business partnership though.....you could both cheat. or you can get married for the googly stuff and hope that he has money. i would personally start hanging around people who have money. they have personalities too! you're bound to hit it off with one of them :)

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  15.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 10

    How about marrying someone for love and not wealth? Because is it better to be in a loveless marriage and rich or a poorer marriage and with your true love? Financial stability is fine but a whole lot different than marrying for wealth where material things are in excess. Then the relationship becomes based on things rather than true love. Or is true love an outdated concept nowadays?

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      How about marrying someone for love and not wealth? Because is it better to be in a loveless marriage and rich or a poorer marriage and with your true love? Financial stability is fine but a whole lot different than marrying for wealth where material things are in excess. Then the relationship becomes based on things rather than true love. Or is true love an outdated concept nowadays?

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  16.   canadiangc says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 10

    If you are going to marry for wealth.. Marry young to an older man, so that you have the rest of your life to find love.

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  17.   bluesygirl01 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 10

    The best advice I received as a young woman was "Become the man you want to marry". It was a powerful concept that shifted my attitude to one of self-reliance. I still find this concept helpful. It applies to life in general. If you are looking to another person to meet your needs, financial or otherwise, you are denying yourself personal growth in that area of your life.

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  18.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 10

    The topic is marrying for wealth. What do all you ladies think on the subject? I am dying to hear what the ladies of any race think on this and if it something to base a relationship or marriage on.

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  19.   Newawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 10

    nothing wrong with having financial stability. But it shouldn't be the focus of a relationship.

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  20.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 10

    And I admire you for looking for a deep relationship and not just settling for companionship teri2009 because you can get a dog if you just want companionship. But you are looking for a life long partner with the priorities in the deepest things in life. That is truly admirable because you can hire someone to be a "companion" if you are like divorced and lonely. But you don't care about your man's wealth as long as he has the deeper things in life that you mentioned. Like I said, I wish more women were like you.:-)

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  21.   Newawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 10

    I'm with you teri2009 - it's all about companionship for me. Money isn't an essential ingredient.

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  22.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 10

    Good for you teri2009. More women should be like you and what qualities you are looking for in a man. Best friend and for better or worse. You are an inspiration to us all not going for wealth in a guy.,

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  23.   teri2009 says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 10

    I personally am very content with the material things I've obtained on my own. I am looking for a man of substance. My best friend...someone to share my life with-good and bad. I want to navigate through life with someone that is able to laugh and love no matter what his financial status is at the time. Just because someone has money today it doesn't mean they'll have it tomorrow.

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  24.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 10

    Anyone that goes into a profession just to make money to get women is only going to get women that is as shallow as they are and probably end up cheating and in divorce.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      Anyone that goes into a profession just to make money to get women is only going to get women that is as shallow as they are and probably end up cheating and in divorce. So they get what they deserve.

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  25.   Newawlunzguy says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 10

    Wealth does seem to offer a certain attraction.

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  26.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 10

    Then we all should go to law school so we can become witty, handsome and overall better like you have.

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  27.   jaydub2468 says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 10

    Of course money matters. It is amazing how much more witty, handsome, and an overall better catch I became since I finished law school. That's life, I suppose.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      Then we all should go to law school so we can become witty, handsome and overall better like you have. I hope you studied to be a divorce lawyer because you will certainly need it!!

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  28.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 10

    It all depends on what you want from a relationship. If you want a deep meaningful relationship with a soulmate, then money and looks shouldn't be factored in. If hedonism and material things are what make you happy in life and you really don't care about a deep relationship with your husband, then by all means, marry for money because you would be a fool not to.

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