Is this how to raise mixed race children?
Nicole Sprinkle is a White woman married to a Colombian. They have a daughter, Nina and she writes about raising a biracial child in an article “A Child of Two Worlds”. Would you adopt her style?
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
In her article, Nicole writes about her experiences and concerns of raising a biracial child like: “Would her choices of where to live or travel be compromised by her looks? Or would her mixed genes work in her favor? Not being quite Hispanic-looking enough to make her a victim of racism, but enough for, say, college scholarships?”
Clearly, Nicole wants the best for her daughter. For example, she wanted her daughter to learn both Spanish and English. But she also felt “… to emphasize her Latina side … was somehow a disservice.” Maybe this is why she went livid when the owner of a daycare sent home her daughter’s enrollment form that had the race potion checked Hispanic. But much as she emailed back stating Nina was half Hispanic and half Caucasian, she says her angry reaction was also because she “…wanted that half Caucasian. She might need it later, you know.”
“Frankly, I didn’t want her to lose any of the privileges of being white … I just wanted the eyelashes, and cheekbones, and that lyrical Spanish when appropriate. I wanted the good stuff, and from both sides.”
So she wants her daughter to inherit the best of both worlds. But it seems all she wants her daughter to inherit from her Colombian husband is the Español and those exotic looks. And what's worse is her insinuation that its ok for her child to be identified as Hispanic so she don't miss out on the college scholarships. :roll:
Clearly there is racial hierarchy being emphasized in her arguments - White is superior. She wants her daughter raised mostly White … with just a touch of Latina. But isn’t ‘carving out’ the child's non-white identity imperialist? So what is meant to happen if all Whites with mixed-race children decide to ‘carve out’ the other half of their children’s cultural heritage(s) just to enjoy the privileges that come with it?
Its no wonder some blogger had this to say about the America we call a "melting pot": "We just don't seem to realize the truth of that metaphor: that a "melting pot" isn't about diversity or inclusion but about homogeneity, about heterogeneous groups melting into the dominant culture rather than enriching it." Looking back at a previous article “Immigrants dating more within their ethnicities?”, could this be the reason US-born children of immigrants desire to marry people of the same ethnicity?
Much as its all for the children, is this how we want to raise our biracial children; teaching them to carve out or embrace one part of their cultural heritage or the other only when there are some benefits to reaped?
Related Stories
-
"You Need To Be Happy Alone Before You Date"... TRUTH OR MYTH?
-
The Power of Regret
-
Your Couple's Guide to Sexual Health
-
Evaluate Your Relationship, Not Your Partner
-
Foodie Adventures: Exploring Ethnic Restaurants
-
Past Online Relationship: Steps to Rediscover the Connection
-
Give Yourself the Gift of Done
36 responses to "Is this how to raise mixed race children?"
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
-
homesteader says:Posted: 25 Nov 09
Vlad the conquerer / start of the Vampire cult . 20,000 Impailed on spears hanging upside down with their guts in the open . The first of the fiction / the day before the Injuns feed the settlers old dead birds .
Reply to this comment -
MaryBeth says:Posted: 25 Nov 09
The term "caucasion" comes from the Caucas mountain range. The range is toward Russia. That is an area where people believe that light-skinned people groups come from.
Reply to this comment -
silverblade says:Posted: 09 Nov 09
I read this article and think that of course every parent can be given the benefit of the doubt for grappling with social, cultural, racial, religious, etc. dynamics and how they impact both parenting and her/his child's experiences. However, I think there are two problems with her views. One, she seems to fear that somehow her daughter's 'Caucasian side' is losing out or will lose out. This is highly problematic and arguably racist. We live in a racist society where 'whiteness' is still dominant and shapes the experiences and even self-perceptions of people of color, even those who are not biracial. White "heritage" or "culture" (for lack of a better term) is not under threat in our society, even though some white people seem to think so. Her daughter will certainly not be able to avoid the her Caucasian background and all of its implications even if she wanted to. Even when whites are a numerical minority, there are more white people in power (economic and political) while a disproportionate number of people of color lack that power. Second, the way she discusses her daughter's Latin heritage is in largely patronizing or disparaging terms, not the least of which is her hope that she can exploit it for scholarship money. Sadly, she doesn't seem to have anything to say about how wrong it is that her daughter will experience racism, much less entertain the notion of how she and her husband could ally with others who experience this and demand better treatment. PS where is Caucasia, anyway? why do people even use that term?
Reply to this comment -
Member says:Posted: 30 Oct 09
Both parents look European. In fact, when I first saw the photo, I thought the mother was hispanic and not the father. This is not about race, but rather ethnicity. Obviously this family wants to game the system to get special privileges for their kids that they don't deserve. According to the article, the kids are not subject to prejudice, but the mother is thinking about getting them bonus points on college applications. This reminds me of a Jewish guy that I met at a Bar Mitivah once. He had Irish White skin and red hair, but bragging about how he got into Harvard because he was 1/4 Puerto Rican and had a Spanish White name. Time to end quotas and judge everyone on merit (By the way: Martin Luther King agrees with this point)
Reply to this comment -
undressingHER says:Posted: 29 Aug 09
there is no way to raise mixed children, just raise them as you would any non-mixed child and they should be fine.
Reply to this comment -
kat says:Posted: 22 Aug 09
My ethnic background consists of Danish, Dutch, Ecuadorian, French, Irish, Italian, Mexican, Scottish, and Spanish ( roughly 1/8ths and 1/16ths). My parents raised my siblings and I as "American"--and to this day, at age 34, I don't identify as anything but American. ; )
Reply to this comment -
dsbaker says:Posted: 20 Aug 09
In America race mixing between Blacks,Whites, and Native Americans has been going on for generations .. Most "Black people " in America are mixed or bi racial ..What we are not is BI Cultural ..I really feel that using the term mixed or bi racial is a term used to divide not unify ...We are all mixed and bi racial in America ..even the Whites ( a lot of blacks that could pass for white infiltrated your race when being black in America was not advantagous) .. Race has come down to hair texture in America.. I am a light skinned black ..both my parents are black but I look mixed because somewhere in my DNA (probably slavery ) is a white person .. Instead of focusing on making sure all the races you "think" you are are listed on a form (i.e when people list a luandry list of races) ..focus on the child check Other or refuse to identify ..perhaps that will irradicate racism .. If by pointing out the different races and harping on the Caucasion side as somehow superior you are enforcing the very thing your inter racial mating supposedly defies ..
Reply to this comment -
runner19 says:Posted: 08 Aug 09I found all of the posts really interesting if not thought provoking...The comments made in yoyo99's perspective were particularly interesting for me because it brings to light not only the initial worries that I think a lot of potential parents have for their mixed race children, but the additional challenge of trying to marry two very different cultures in that equation and the potential issues that this can present. As a person that is also of mixed races/cultures (my Dad is an African American from the south and my mom a petite lady from Seoul, Korea ) these were also the challenges that I’m sure my parents faced some time ago when they were raising my siblings and I. I can recall only a few incidences where my parents had to confront those issues head on while we were growing up. Sounds like you handled it smoothly; so kudos! So many of us have echoed what I think is the critical point here. For parents of any child, mixed or not, raising our children first and foremost with love, a healthy respect for themselves, and the ability to interact responsibly with the world around them, should be a basic tenet of how to live life. When we think more specifically of how to raise children of mixed races, I think back to my own childhood. I was raised to view everyone as individuals, regardless of past experiences and whether those experiences were good or bad. Additionally, I was part of the human race first. If I wanted to describe a friend at school or someone we saw on TV, I learned pretty quickly that I would need a more creative way by which to identify them. Simply identifying people by their skin color or race, as I think can be the habit for most, was discouraged. I believe this taught me to see people as people and enabled me to not fall into that easily laid trap of pointing to misguided stereotypes later in life. A big emphasis was placed on the positives of having a mixed heritage to draw upon, something I found gave me balance and probably spurred my now keen interest in people of all cultures. Simply said, impressing upon our children at the earliest age possible the ability to see what they have in common with their fellow man and guiding them towards the principles that being the best person that they can be, will always be their asset, is in my belief the cornerstone to the best start to a fulfilling life…and it's what my Dad taught me from day one
Reply to this comment -
Coralane says:Posted: 17 Jul 09There's no "right" or "wrong" way to raise a mixed child as their is a single raced one. It's pretty typical for some women who seek out men of another race, are looking for appearance attributes ONLY. I've just never read an article where it was a white woman, and that's the only part I found a little odd. About 100% of the time it doesn't go unnoticed when a mixed child has a white mother. Most of the time it's minority women who are hell bent on making their child more distinguishable than having the stigma of their own race latched on to their kid. Or vice versa; They'll want their child to dismiss their white/other half, but still want the beauty assets from that race. Her article is laughably politically incorrect, but her level of ignorance shows her ability to be honest. I hate to say it, but you don't come across too many honest people that often. Whether they're completely wrong in their thinking matters a lot less than how the article was so forthcoming. In short, she'll end up making her kid extremely snobby very young. Hopefully her child won't absorb so much negativity from her mom.
Reply to this comment -
bellara says:Posted: 15 Jul 09
she doesn't want to lose the privilege of been white? she sounds quite demented and uneducated to me. if they can't raise their daughter with love and sense of diversity, then they should tan her till she's dark enough to be mistaken as black. that should solve this "huge dilemma" they are in...arrant nonsense!
Reply to this comment -
aliekatt2 says:Posted: 13 Jul 09
Huummm, I am a person of mixed race. Many, lol. My mother is African-American, Puerto Rican, Irish and Native American, and my father is Cuban. Where do I fit in? This is a problem that other people made for me and my brothers and sisters (and yes we all have the same mother and father). My mom had light, bright, and damn near white, and was just fine with that. She was told by Latins to raise us Boicui (Puerto Rican), since both parents were Latin. But because I have grey eyes, my brothers, green, hazel and blue-green, my sisters, blue, and hazel, we should be raised as mostly white. Yet at the same time, my grandmother who is Blackfoot and Pawnee, wanted us raised to know that we were part Native American. However, that didn't even touch bases with my father who wanted us to be complete Cubanos. Especially since heritage for Cubanos is limited to older generations passing it down to Cuban-Americans, for fear of going home ( Yeah Obama! He working on this. My grandfather is sooo happy.) So which do you think ruled out? Chaos, anarchy and confusion. My advice is let children be who they want to be. Race means;"a contest of speed, as in running, riding, driving, or sailing." Where as Ethnicity means; ethnic traits, background, allegiance, or association. ethnic group: It sucks to be either too White to hang with your Black friends, too Black to hang with your White friends, to Spanglish to hang with your Latin friends, and you don't visit the Reservation enough to be completely accepted in your culture! My God, children are just children so let them be. Lables are put on by adults, and sometimes they can be damaging for the child. As a side note my mom says that she can sympathize with the mother who wrote this article, because this is what society made it. African-Americans wanted her to say that we were black, Latinos ( which is not an accurate term, because Costa Ricans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans,and Cubans see themselves as island people like the Jamaicans) wanted her to say we were Latin, Native Americans Native, and Whites wanted mixed. She said she solved it by simply checking "Other" I tell my children the same, because my first husband was Danish and Irish, and my second was Native American, African-American, Mexican, and Danish. The motto just be yourself works very well for children, and leave society wiped on the carpet outside the door.
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 13 Jul 09I agree with with neosoulgirl, a child should be raised as a child but lets not forget the world in which we live in. I live in Nuremberg, Germany were mixed children are commom, do to the five army bases that were within or around the city. I think here in Europe people are not as hung up on race as they are in the US. I have a resonsibility to protect my children from the ignorance out there, that will cross their paths and so I most equip them with a knowledge of both of their histories so they'll be able to combat stupidity with enlightenment. I'm not worried about which language will become their dominate language because I know that whatever language they use the most will be the dominate language. Our neighborhood is called the little UN because any and everybody lives here and the children run from house to house and they picking up pieces of other cultures. Some of the children speak two and three languages and understand three or four. I agree you should leave children alone to be themselves but you should equip them to be able to deal with the bigotry and racist that are out there that come in all colors, shapes and sizes! The sooner they learn how the deal with this BS and not let the BS deal with them they'll be better off as adults.
Reply to this comment -
Glock says:Posted: 12 Jul 09Very good point Neosoulgirl. So often in this country other people think a bi-racial child has to be raised a "certain" way to "protect" them. Often however, the parents, in their effort to "protect" them, inject their own prejudices and biases.
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 11 Jul 09
neosoulgirl : Each child is Himself / Herself , To raise with Love .
Reply to this comment -
neosoulgirl says:Posted: 11 Jul 09
I haven't read the article but I don't need to, just reading the title I know this article shouldn't have been written. I have a mixed race baby and none has to tell me how to raise him, I'll raise him as what he is, a child. I don't see why I had to raise him in a different way. People who see a differece are racist.
Reply to this comment -
NickyNoodle says:Posted: 09 Jul 09I have a mixed race son. I am white British and his father was black Zambian. Unfortunately, his father passed away last year. I spent 13 years in Africa and my son basically grew up there until the age of 10 when he came to UK to be with me. He went to a local school and was somewhat of a minority in terms of race as the majority of the school children were black Zambians. Race doesn't seem to be an issue where children are concerned. They make friends and don't see colour. He has a typical British first name, a Zimbabwean middle name (in memory of his Zimbabwean grandmother) and a Zambian surname. I did notice that race was an issue in South Africa. I got stopped in a shopping mall by a security guard and asked if the child I was holding in my arms was mine because he wasn't white. Ignorance will be everywhere, it's how you deal with it that matters. Being in an interracial marriage was difficult for me. African culture means you shouldn't marry outside your tribe or country and I was looked down upon from the moment I set foot in Africa. This prejudice on the part of the african community contributed to the breakdown in my marriage. It is not easy being in an interracial marriage in an african country. My son knows that he is mixed race and does not see it as an impediment. He is a child first and foremost, doing what children do every day. Later on in life he may well come across prejudice directed straight at him. For the moment though, he has never had cause to hate who he is or where he came from. I certainly don't regret having a mixed race child. He was born out of love.
Reply to this comment -
yoyo99 says:Posted: 08 Jul 09tallnwhite1's comment that interracial marriage and dating is the casue of people losing their language, culture, traditions and ethnicity is way off the mark. On the ethnicity issue, as has been commented above, there are no 'pure' races in the world...we ALL have shared DNA traits to some extent which can be traced back to people's of the African Rift Valley...so we are ALL mixed race. Secondly, my son is mixed race, he can speak both English and his African 'mother tongue'; he bears his African family name and his Irish family name; he has passed through some traditional 'rites of passage' in Africa and he attends Irish dancing and music classes...best of both worlds
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 08 Jul 09
The article is about " Children " , a Father or Mother only Love and Nurture them in Life . Worrying about what other people think about them , is only in how well they behave in Public places . I was able to be involved in the raising and growth of three of my four daughters and they were always Respectful of all others that we met in Public places . Our oldest has given Us a Grandson who turned 13 last year . The two others that I speak of ; One has her Bachelors and Teachers degrees after 6 years in College and her sister is in her last semester for her Bachelors degree . I will always be a Proud Father . Well raised children will be the Future Leaders of this World .
Reply to this comment -
45browneyes says:Posted: 07 Jul 09
The Creator made only two races in my eyes and they are man and woman. Everything else, that man want to call it, is their own fault. I wasn't around to give my input on words that we speak to communicate to each other but for me the above two are the only races that are on this earth. We use race, the color of your skin, religon, etc. to keep people divided so that the powerful can again stay in control. We need to allow our children to express their own point of views about life, in giving them the choice to be open minded about their future. Are we not on a site where people of different races are looking for that speical person.
Reply to this comment -
45browneyes says:Posted: 07 Jul 09
The Creator made only two races in my eyes and they are man and woman. Everything else, that man want to call it is their owm fault. i wasn't around to give my input on words that we speak to communicate but for me the above two are the only races that are on this earth. We use race, the color of your skin, religon, etc. to keep people divide so that the powerful can again stay in control. we need to allow our children to express theor own point of view about life in giving them the choice to be open minded about their future. Are we on a site where people of different races lokking for that speical person.
Reply to this comment -
onlinebabe says:Posted: 07 Jul 09
the mixed race children are the children of tomorow in a few years time in many countries the population of chidren of mixed ethnicity will make up the majority- and not right now but will surely be the case where other races will die out this lady has some tones of racism in her attitueds choosing a partner based on the features he has and wanting her children to inherit them whilst also playing the race card to ensure her children get 'white' privallages based on their white side- that to me implies she made a concsious decision to therefore have children of mixed nationalities and picks up on issues that she has which need to be addresed to ensure they are not passd down to her children my opinion on mixed children is that they are beautiful as any other but that that more unique as they have the best of both worlds however there may be issues relating to acceptance and self-belonging as they are not defined to one group but as long as their parents bring them up with a knowing of both sides and confidence they will make it
Reply to this comment -
Kanzan says:Posted: 07 Jul 09
Tallnwhite1: WHat you said is true regarding the disappearance of the white/caucasian race, HOWEVER..... I cetainly will NOT be complaining when I see thousands more "Halle" on the beach. VIVA LA INTERRACIAL BONITAS! xox
Reply to this comment -
tallnwhite1 says:Posted: 06 Jul 09I do not understand what the point to this article is about. Whites are less than 8% of the world's population and declining rapidly. Within a few short decades whites will no longer exist. Then the blacks will die next since they are the next smallest population. Then hispanics then asians. This is an inevitable result of interacial dating and marriages. So I do not understand why this is some sort of "revelation"? When you loose your language, culture, traditions and ethnicity you cease to exist. Again that is the result of interacial dating.
Reply to this comment -
surprised says:Posted: 05 Jul 09
Thank you dreww2008 for posting the whole article and thank you Glock for your perspective.
Reply to this comment -
Glock says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
What I don't understand is why would anyone be surprised she is acting this way to begin with? She is using the system our bureaucrats have put in place. America is a very race concious country and race means everything. Daycare centers get more government subsidies based on the amount of "minorities" they have enrolled. Schools get more subsidies based on the number of "minorities" they have enrolled, and so on. So using these "traits" (if you will) of different nationalities or racial backgrounds, she is trying to get her children the best she can. Deplorable? perhaps, but that is the country we live in. Until ALL of the racial conscious programs are eliminated this is what we are stuck with. And even if these things are eliminated there are no guarantees that these attitudes will change anytime soon, if ever.
Reply to this comment -
dreww2008 says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
On reading the entire article it seems she is only concerned about the way American society will treat her kids.
Reply to this comment -
dreww2008 says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
I alway paste the full article, as I find Ria to cut bits which make things sound This is the full article : http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/09/raising-a-biracial-child/ [QUOTE] A CHILD OF TWO WORLDS By NICOLE SPRINKLE My child doesn’t look quite like me (Caucasian) or her father (Colombian); she’s something new for both families. When I was pregnant, the thought of having an “exotic” looking child based on our combined genetics – Jose’s inky black hair, dark eyes, and round face coupled with my waspy, delicate looks and tiny build – hadn’t really occurred to me. When my short, funny husband won me over, the only real consideration I gave to our genetic future was: If it’s a boy, he won’t get on any basketball team. Then I gave birth to our daughter, Nina, and race and culture became, for the first time, an “issue.” Well, actually, that’s not completely true. Riding the overnight train to Florida a few years ago, Jose and I were woken by two plainclothes officers flashing badges, demanding to search our luggage. A routine inspection. But the next morning, I found out none of the other passengers got inspected. Finally, our concierge admitted the search wasn’t entirely random. At the height of the if-you-see-something-say-something era, we were officially “suspicious-looking passengers.” I was stunned. We were well-dressed and groomed. In New York, no one gives us a second look, but south of the Mason Dixon we’re a dubious pair of shifty-looking ne’re-do-wells. Like a dream, the eeriness of it lingered with me for a few weeks, and then was forgotten. But when I had Nina, I remembered, and hated the thought that such a thing could happen to her. Would her choices of where to live or travel be compromised by her looks? Or would her mixed genes work in her favor? Not being quite Hispanic-looking enough to make her a victim of racism, but enough for, say, college scholarships? Maybe she’d walk through different worlds at will, be whoever she needed to be for any situation. Nice in theory, but the idea of conveniently shifting identities to protect or promote herself left me cold. And then came her face. Total windfall! Just the right amount of him mixed with the perfect bit of me made for a stunning-looking child (a mini version of Bjork, hard to pin down racially). And people began “asking” us — they lectured us, really — whether she would learn Spanish as well as English. I took the bait, constantly nagging Jose to speak to Nina only in Spanish, while I would speak to her in English. What I didn’t fully understand was that my husband wasn’t so comfortable speaking his first language. Finally, he told me of moving to America when he was 3, falling ill, and finding himself at a hospital where all the doctors spoke this new, strange language. A nurse once left him in the bathtub and forgot about him for hours. Shivering, he sat there naked and silent, all because he didn’t know the word “help.” So, like immigrant children do, he studied his cartoons and left the hospital, after nearly a year-long stay, almost fluent. Having learned more than I bargained for, I hired a Spanish-speaking nanny instead. For nearly a year, a gentle-mannered Honduran woman cared for my baby while my husband and I worked. Nina soaked up Spanish words as quickly as English ones, and I’d find myself stumped on occasion. Like at the playground, when she kept saying her name over and over. I finally figured out she was referring to other kids — the “ninas.” Then my mom asked if I thought this was interfering with her proper pronunciation of English. The next morning, I called the pediatrician, asking if overall language development can be delayed by learning two languages. He assured me that as long as she was hearing native speakers, there’d be no problem. Which language would emerge as dominant, I asked. Impossible to answer, he said, and I began to panic. Yes, I wanted her to be bilingual, but I didn’t want Spanish to be the language she identified with most. Yeah, my kid was of two cultures, and, yes, she would learn Spanish and English, but to emphasize her Latina side, I felt, was somehow a disservice. Frankly, I didn’t want her to lose any of the privileges of being white. I didn’t want prejudice or any extra hardship or confusion — like my husband still feels. I just wanted the eyelashes, and cheekbones, and that lyrical Spanish when appropriate. I wanted the good stuff, and from both sides. I wanted it all. Eventually, our nanny left us and my husband and I put Nina in neighborhood daycare. The ladies were primarily Dominican — caring, engaged women with whom I truly trusted my child. They had a Webcam to boot. Yet, on the first day I went to check it out, I found myself noting how many kids were Hispanic, how many black and how many white. Out of nine toddlers, there were several white ones. I was both ashamed and secretly relieved. When the owner of the daycare sent home an enrollment form, I saw she’d already filled out the race portion; she’d placed a check next to Hispanic. I e-mailed her the next day to say that everything on the form looked fine except that Nina was half Hispanic and half Caucasian, thank you very much. There it was again, that uncomfortable feeling, accompanied by an angry reaction. I think I mostly felt indignant that a stranger tried to sum up my kid’s identity when that’s clearly my job for now. And I also wanted that half Caucasian. She might need it later, you know. One evening, just as I was loosening up about the whole thing, my husband casually commented on the way our day care ladies spoke. When I pushed, he tried to delicately explain it wasn’t quite as “nice” as the last nanny’s. He wasn’t so worried. Of course, he’s not worried about lead poisoning either. But as sweet and caring as these women are, I was bothered by the misspelled words on their daily reports — even simple ones. When Nina is ready for real school, the choices in our neighborhood don’t thrill me either. Because of the dominant immigrant population, many have a heavy focus on learning English. While I understand that need, I can’t pretend I don’t worry that my daughter’s education will be slowed while she waits for other kids to learn her native language. Plenty of Caucasian parents in my neighborhood have chosen them, are determined to advocate for better education by keeping their kids there instead of fleeing south. I admire them, truly. But at the end of the day, I’m just not ready to make that leap of faith where my daughter’s concerned. I’m not proud of this, but I’ve accepted it as my parental right. We enrolled her to start in a private midtown nursery school instead — when she turns 2. It’ll cost us almost my whole paycheck, but there won’t be any rough Spanish — or any homemade rice and beans for lunch like the current day care. (I’ll miss that delicious smell.) But there will be plenty of children like Nina, born to biracial couples. I think most likely it’ll be pretty easy for her to just be Nina there, without having to align more or less with either side of herself. Plus, Abuela Trujillo in Queens will affirm her dad’s culture and Grandma Thompson will affirm mine — salsa dancing and golf, respectively. Lately, I’ve been teaching Nina colors. Red bird. Black cat. White dog. At our most primal level of language acquisition, we turn to color to make sense of the world around us. We use it to simplify the complexity of language, and then later to simplify social complexities, not always for the better, but because it comes so naturally. Motherhood is constantly realizing that so much of her life will be out of my control. So is it so terrible for me to see that one of her cultures maybe edges out the other? Just a teeny, tiny bit? If Latinos ruled the world, maybe I’d push things to go the other way, but political correctness and cultural diversity aside, I want her doing well in life — money, success, respect, opportunities, and, most of all, safety. Not gonna apologize for that, though I wish it could be otherwise. I also wish that there weren’t so many boxes to check — and that the only alternative to choosing one is to write on the blank line “Other.” [QUOTE]
Reply to this comment -
surprised says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
How ridiculous! Nicole is a racist and should not have married a non white. Based on her logic, her children will miss out on opportunities because being white is more valuable and offers advantages. Why didn’t you marry a white man and really help out your children? I hate to tell you, but there are many ways to increase the changes that your children have opportunities in life (education, wealth, and morals) other than their skin color. Sorry that you feel like your husband is inadequate and brings down your white gene pool.
Reply to this comment -
brownpoet says:Posted: 04 Jul 09it is sad this dilemna exists. because of the sin of mankind, this kind of thought process is evident. i have a grandson whos mom is white. he doesn't really know the other side of his family. it is sad indeed. i love the little guy. he just crys when he sees "us". but i pray that he will not only embrace the living and true God, but that the love of God will shed abroad in the lives he touches. its a wonderful privilege to be alive and have family that loves and celebrates your unique ness. love will cover a multitude of sins and each of your comments are well thought and graciously written. proud of you
Reply to this comment -
yoyo99 says:Posted: 03 Jul 09
We're all from the same African Rift Valley DNA anyway brother!!
Reply to this comment -
Spirit773 says:Posted: 03 Jul 09
Why should the misguided attitude of the mother quoted in the article come as a surprise ? It is uncomfortable reading but i have met black and white mothers of mixed heritage children with attitudes to parenting that had me wondering what chance the child has.There mixed heritage children who have been raised and are being raised to place added value on their lightness...their 'whiteness'. Raising mixed heritage children requires positive active parenting. My mixed heritage is one that usually goes unrecognised..i am black mixed heritage .My father was Nigerian and my mother is Guyanese. In the most amazing ways my mother took on what that meant whilst she and my father were togther.The only regret she has is that despite her best efforts she couldn't persuade my father to teach us his native language -Ibo. I never got the opportunity to ask why but i try to comfort myself that maybe he believed that in those days here in the UK (as elsewhere)exceptional command of english was an essential 'weapon'in our survival kit. I went on to have 4 mixed heritage kids.My kids father is white.We aren't together any more but he has always accepted that the heritages that we both brought to relationship have equal importance for the children. I have never denied his culture nor he mine because we actively and puposefully chose not to put our kids in that position within our family , amongst extended family and around their friends. However, the 'outside' world works on the basis of 'better& superior' not equal. yoyo99 rightly says that these are adult imposed prejudices. The problem is that as a 'human'race we are by nature unpredictable. For instance, imagine a country where i'm told that around 20 million people died during the 2nd World War. Every year on the 9th May there are huge celebrations of the time that grand-fathers and grand-mothers fought with all that they had to kick out and destroy the fascist threat on their native soil. Bizarrely, just before these Victory Day celabrations there are celebrations of different kind.On April 20th some of the grand-children of the very people who fought oust fascists from their country celebrate the birth of Hitler. The country ? Russia. Neo-nazism is alive and very well over there. I've just got back from a few months in Moscow and whilst in the 'West' the ideals of multi-culuralism have become mixed up in polemical arguments ,trust me, there's nothing like going to a country where it hardly exists to make you reflect on alot of things. The bottom line must surely be that we raise our kids with strength and determination to value 'all' facets of the beauty and talents that they hold.However, it is also our duty to prepare them for a world where difference might not be tolerated and you certainly don't do that expecting your child to deny a significant part of their heritage and then play the colour game when it's expedient.
Reply to this comment -
ella88 says:Posted: 03 Jul 09
Kids should be taught that race is race and nothing more, race should not define them or others, there are so many other things that make up a person. Yes they are half and half, but that does not mean that they have to claim a certain half, this only encourages the thought of one race being better than the other.
Reply to this comment -
brownpapi75 says:Posted: 02 Jul 09hispanic/latino isnt and never will be a race, so the "colombian" husband could be of european descent for all we know as well....just because someone is from Latin American doesn't automatically make them non-white.
Reply to this comment -
yoyo99 says:Posted: 02 Jul 09
The fact that we even consider that 'mixed-race children' should be raised in a special way is a shame. They should be raised as 'children'. I'm Irish and my child who is mixed race (Irish/Kenyan) was born and raised in Africa until age 5. He grew up speaking English and Swahili and still practices both today (and I still communicate with him in both). He bears both his Irish and Kenyan family names and is immensely proud of both. When he joined primary school back in Ireland at age 5, I was worried about how he would settle...knowing that he was the only non caucacian in a school of 250 pupils...and having to make a transition from one culture to a very different one. I met with teachers and other parents to raise my concerns about bullying, discrimination etc and they said they shared some of them. What worrying fools we were! He took to it like a duck to water....race and culture were only an issue and worry for us adults - the kids in school didn't even notice...he was just a kid to them. We ought to be careful as a society that we don't burden our children with our own petty prejudices...we could learn a thing or two from them about social integration and unity in diversity.
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 01 Jul 09
Raise them with Love . They sure nuff Deserve all We can give .
Reply to this comment
Advice
-
The Power of Regret
The Power of Regret Regrets? Frank Sinatra had a few. We all do. But Ol’ Blue Eyes seemed to excel at dwelling on that regret only as far as he needed to. Then he faced it all, stood tall, and did it his way. And if NY...
-
Your Couple's Guide to Sexual Health
Your Couple's Guide to Sexual Health Love, passion, and trust form the foundation of any great relationship, but there's one vital aspect that sometimes gets overlooked – sexual health. This is your ultimate guide to maintaining a happ...
-
Past Online Relationship: Steps to Rediscover the Connection
Past Online Relationship: Steps to Rediscover the Connection Reconnecting with someone from your past online relationship can be an exciting and delicate process. Whether you had a falling-out or simply lost touch, rebuilding the connection requires sensitivity...
-
Family Matters: Support and Understanding
Family Matters: Support and Understanding Interracial relationships have the power to bridge divides and foster a deeper understanding of one another's cultures. However, navigating the dynamics of family acceptance and building a supportive ...
-
Leadership, Social Media, and Self-Awareness
Leadership, Social Media, and Self-Awareness When this interview was conducted, Belarusian-boy-done-good Gary Vaynerchuk had just come out with his book "#AskGaryVee: One Entrepreneur’s Take on Leadership, Social Media, and Self-Awareness". In...
-
Everything You Know About Happiness Is Wrong
Everything You Know About Happiness Is Wrong Let’s be real for a moment . . . We all sometimes wish we could be happier. We blame all sorts of variables for holding us back from achieving this. We tell ourselves that once we finally find a ...
-
First Date Conversations: 10 Engaging Questions to Spark Connection
First Date Conversations: 10 Engaging Questions to Spark Connection The first date marks the beginning of an exciting journey, where two individuals explore the potential of a deeper connection. To foster meaningful dialogue and uncover shared interests, consider aski...
-
How to plan your Interracial Wedding
How to plan your Interracial Wedding Love is a fantastic adventure, and when two people from different cultures decide to get married, their journey becomes even more exciting and colorful. Planning a multicultural wedding means bringing...
-
Use the Power of Touch to Strengthen Your Relationship
Use the Power of Touch to Strengthen Your Relationship In a world dominated by technology, the significance of touch often goes unnoticed. However, when it comes to interracial dating, physical contact holds immense power to deepen connections and foster ...
-
Why Helping Others Drives Our Success
Why Helping Others Drives Our Success The Beatles knew that the love you take equals the love you make. Similarly, the economics of relationships runs on a counterintuitive currency — the more you give, the more you get. But how do you ...
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
Coaching Testimonial
"My online love inspiration angel"
Submitted by: Patricia, USA, 21
To be honest, in the beginning, I thought it would be a waste of time. But since I've never seen a similar service in any other dating site, I decided to give it a try.
I always "thought" my profile was on point and I did not need any help to correct my page. I always had in my profile if someone is not attracted to my profile, then that's "their" loss.
BOY WAS I WRONG!!
I will never forget my first time using the Coaching Service I was introduced to my personal Dating Coach. Let me put it this way, if it was not for her I would have given up long time ago (even though I'm a new member).
She taught me so many things and gave me good advice, I did not want to stop chatting with her at all.
She opened my eyes to many possibilities when finding love. She is definitely an inspiration and I appreciate a whole lot. She is more than a Dating Coach to me; she is more of a close friend/guide to me. She is definitely my "online love-inspiration angel".
Most Popular
- 1. Yes, Black Women DO Benefit from Interracial Dating and Marriage!
- 2. Raising Her Profile - to the Next Level
- 3. Video: How to Tell When a 'Rainbeau' is Interested
- 4. What to look for on a First Date
- 5. Cast a wide net or filter with care?
- 6. A Graceful Goodbye: End Of Date Etiquette
- 7. Contest: Valentine's "Extreme Profile Makeover"
- 8. Contest: What's Your New Years Relationship Resolution?
- 9. Glad I Found My Husband Before That Blonde Did!
- 10. Why are Some Black Women Hating on Michael Ealy's New, Non-Black Wife?
The short of it is we've all, at one time or another, embraced colonial policies and practices...from the false notions of Latina being exotic to the "inherent" fear of the Black man to the fallacy ridden White superiorty commplex. We have all been duped. The reason we embrace them, in my opinion, is because they're all linked to financial gain and upward social mobility in a racialized society, which operates under the guise of nationalism...all vis a vis White supremacist ideology. Therefore, not only have we permitted this to permeate our cultures and children's existence, we remain trapped in our mind's eye of what beauty IS. This is no easy fix, as it was no easy task to put in motion; however, given "there's nothing new under the sun," we must act now to love ALL our children, while actively and purposefully working to deconstruct our towers of hate and replace them with LOVE! Yes...there will be push back by those who benefit from the status quo, but that should only strengthen your resolve... ...it will also expose all gatekeepers....