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So she is dating a white guy...

Posted by Ria, 15 Aug

"Perpetual singleness has taken residence among my circle of closest friends," goes Janelle Harris in reference to Black women in one of her articles 'So Don’t Get Mad If She's With a White Guy' on Clutch Magazine. "It's made a comfortable home in the eaves of our respective condos and apartments, and snuggled at the foot of beds that are very regrettably used for sound nights of shuteye and sound nights of shuteye alone. It’s perched with audacious in-your-face-ness, there with a perky greeting in the morning and a sleepy send-off into the night. Singleness… is clearly a permanent housemate."

According to Janelle, much as most Black women are still single, they are marriage material in every sense of the phrase: Well read, moneyed, love sports, responsible, beautiful and with great personalities.

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When one of her friends crossed over to the White man's land, the defection talk from some of the Black men arose. She was heckled when they held hands on the streets and nasty comments thrown their way. And since she had some booty on her, one of things that was questioned was the ability of her white man to "handle all of that". As Janelle puts it, "It was bold-faced disrespect with detailed instructions about what she could do and who she could see if she wasn’t being satisfied, which not only called into question his manhood, but reduced her to a mere piece of flesh whose only requirement was to be smacked up, flipped, and rubbed down."

The thing is, these comments didn't only come from the posers in the hood.. they also came from learned black men with white-collar jobs, questioning her loyalty to the black culture and people. The "If they weren't having us, nobody should be having us" mentality is what she picked up on from their comments. It's like, black men have the choice to date women of other races but black women shouldn't.

Are black women just expected to sit at the fence and stay single even when a good white man walks by? Is it fair to expect the black woman to just stay single, shrug off all good white men just so she isn't dubbed non-loyal to blackness and her peeps and wait and hope that one day she will stumble across a good black man? So she is dating a white man… SO?!

No matter the couple combination, black men with asian women, black women dating latino men or even white men dating asian women, should make no difference to the eyes of the rest of the world. We still have a long way to go.

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13 responses to "So she is dating a white guy..."

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  1.   Amanda24 says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 12

    Well i think people are very selfish sometimes, im engaged to a white man for a year now and wev been together for five years and now planning on getting married January. its a disaster how and what we went through. families takes it very dificult cos they grow up in a shitty inviroment years ago. this is 21st century its either they accept it or they loose their children. so all people out there please love each other and forget about the one next to you. its all about you not them. they dont like it well too bad they must just deal with it.

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  2.   VASweetie82 says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 12

    It's funny how the black men that have a problem with black women dating outside their race, are the same ones who sent her there in the first place. Black women in general are very loyal to black men. Even when we have been cut down, degraded, and humiliated by black men culturally, we still seek out our soul mate in a black man most often. Even when black men will choose anything other than a black woman, we still choose them. But if we decide that we are not limited to dating only black men, then we are pure evil. Love is love. Two people being attracted to each other is based on their individual similarities, not their skin color. If a white man is who happens to find his soul reflected in mine, and I in his, so be it. We did not take anything away from any black man, or any white woman by doing so.

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  3.   Edah23 says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 12

    Do what your heart desires

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  4.   fadegxy says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 12

    Who cares about the interacials.av alwys av passion 4 datin a white guy,i dnt critizes any ethnicity.i tynk women shld be given encouragement and priviledge to choose whom they wnt to court not critizism.....

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  5.   meggy54 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 12

    i dont think its a big deal dating a white guy, me myself i would date them a thousand times and am here to find my white man.No matter what colour you are, purple, yellow,red or white what matters is what you both feel for each other, and the 2nd party's opinion shouldn't matter, you just close your ears to the world and open your heart to that deep sincere feeling that you feel, friends may reject you, society oppress you, family too may disown you, but in the end your love will triumph!

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  6.   lukkin4u2 says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 12

    who gives a shit either way... i can only laugh that this is even an issue today......im cool with it... because the more of them that date white men actually takes a white man off the market and frees up a white woman for me.. So in actuallity I am not mad at them at all.They are helping me out...Please sisters keep taking the white men off the market...

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  7.   shaggy17 says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 12

    Sadly there is very little you can do about this kind of situation other than simply moving, but the part I really really dislike is when the people see these kinds of couples and make a kind of comment that calls back to what happened hundreds of years ago when the fact is this, dark skinned people are not less human in slightest meaning of the word and those people back then are not the same as people living today so just because you heard/read about it does not justify you carrying anger from the past to the present, dark skin men living now, you were never a slave and acting as if you were is a dishonor to your ancestors, you don't see me hating on jewish people for killing Jesus thousands of years ago, and you don't see me hating on southerners for killing my great uncle Abraham lincoln. PEACE!

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  8.   reese says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 12

    Why worry about who everyone else is dating? Black women open your minds and think about your own happiness everyone else does.

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  9.   modernmizz says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 12

    I don't see anything wrong with a black woman dating a white man. The statistics speak for themselves black women have more singles than any other group in the USA. Women of other ethniticities date and marry white men, whats the big deal. Are black women supposed to remain single and die old maids. I hope not. Date a variety of different men from other cultures and see what appeals to you. I don't see black women rolling their eyes at black men for dating white women. But, black men seem to give black women who they have no interest in... the stare of death for dating a white man. I say let them look and stare. Go with your heart # 1.

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  10.   Siolav says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 12

    After thinking long and hard about the subject of interacial dating, two words pop up in my mind. Fear and jealousy. Fear keeps people from exploring anything be it people, places, things or expanding the mind. Jealousy comes in when we critisize people who do. I have come across different people in all walks of life and I just happen to find myself attracted to white males more than others. Why shouldn't I date who I am attracted to and who is attracted to me? It is not my business what someone does in their personal life, especially when I don't know them. We should be happy for people finding love and leave them to their privacy.

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  11.   arlandf says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 12

    I have a problem with the people that wrote this article. I always say that people should date whoever they want so that is not really the problem. My beef is that couple of months ago, they urged black women to boycott the movie Red Tails because of the lack of black women and the love interest is a Portuguese woman who played an Italian. I dislike hypocrites with a passion. Clutch magazine should not write articles about us "being mad about black women dating white men", but one of their authors were commanding black women to boycott a movie because of an IR relationship in the movie. Who is the one that got upset with Usain Bolt and caused him to part ways with his girlfriend? Mostly black women and henpecked black men! Did they did that with the Kenyan lady who married Dirk Nowinski? No! I suggest people that write these articles and people that think like them to look in the mirror. They are the ones who are mad.

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    • steamhammer says:
      Posted: 28 Aug 12

      The parents seem to butt in, they don't want me to date a black woman. Times have changed, and interracial dating is being more accepted. What's more, next month i'm 62 years of age, and I'm going to find one and get married. You're here on this Earth only once. I want to make my lifelong dream finally come true. I'm having an experience on here, been on the site for only two weeks! Jealousy would come into the picture if a black man saw them walking down the street together. He might say something, you ignore him and keep on walking. Siolav is totally right, you date whom your attracted to, not what society tells you to do. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence!

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