Do you reap what you sow in relationships?
Do you believe love is a two-way street… that the way your partner responds to you is a primary reflection of how you respond to your partner? Or is it the other way round… that you gauge how responsive you are to your partner but how he/she responds to you?
According to a series of Yale studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology... most people think they reap what they sow. It’s like their partners true behavior isn’t even brought into play when analyzing how their partners respond to them.
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Margaret Clark, faculty author and psychology professor calls this ‘projection of responsiveness’. Clark said, this means “seeing your relationship partner as behaving in the same manner toward you as you do toward that partner. That is, you see your partner as about as responsive to your welfare as you are to your partner’s welfare, regardless of the partner’s true behavior.᾿
So how do you describe the macho individuals… those who no matter how you treat them, they will still be a pain in the behind? Does this mean that if you treated them any less they would respond by spitting on you?
Well… I don’t believe in this study one bit. It’s all about how people are wired. There are those lovely souls who no matter how much you step on their toes, they will always be sensitive to your needs and welfare. And then there are those whom - how do I put this? – kind of have a ‘DON’T YOU DARE’ sign on their foreheads.
What do you make of this study?
Tags: relationships, dating
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Responses to "Do you reap what you sow in relationships?"
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82girl says:Posted: 02 Jun 10
I do not agree smiletellsit- I am a strong, possitve, fun girl and I met an abusive guy who was a master manipulator--I believed him and he ended up being very abusive to me. Now I have the horrible job of trying to get myself back, and he after 6 monthes(after losing me) is married and appears to be happy. I am having a hard time accepting this and I do hope that one day he may reap some of his cruelness.
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smiletellsit says:Posted: 27 Nov 09Actually, it's done unto you as you think. How we think and feel about ourselves is how people treat us. There is the tit-for-tat thing, where if person is rude, another will respond in kind, but mainly it's important to treat people with integrity at all times. Kindness, integrity, operating in the truth can only return the same behavior. When a person behaves in the positive and receives a negative response, it's because they were behaving positive, but thinking negative. We have to make a practice of thinking the best, expecting the best and behaving the best in order to get only the best response from others. (Any doubt breeds more doubt.)
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Enigma64 says:Posted: 01 Sep 09My mirror theory: "You draw that which you reflect; you reflect that which you are." That can be a hard pill to swallow when you look back on some of the "gems" you may have encountered in your dating life. I know that when that theory came to me, it kicked my tail pretty hard on a few accounts, but I had to face the fact that there was something in me that attracted those "mistakes" into my life in my past, and I had to make a conscious choice to self examine and change. So yes, I do believe you reap what you sow, whether in relationships or not. In relationships, the reaping doesn't necessarily come during the same time period or relationship that the sowing occurred in. In regards to you Scottdale, I feel your pain because I had a male friend who went through the same thing. His girlfriend had a managerial job where we worked and his was custodial. She was really career driven, and lied to him claiming she wanted his children, but when she got pregnant, she aborted and didn't tell him until afterwards. It was a deal breaker for him. When he told me about this, he cried. He was a really good man, sweet, honest, and fine as all get out. She had a prize and she threw it away being selfish and self-centered. Her loss; and I know she regretted her actions because she attempted to get back together with him, but he was done. I'm so sorry you or anyone has to experience that sort of pain. All I can tell you is that she will reap an equal amount of pains as she has caused you. She will suffer loss of lives important to her, or future children she may want. Personally, I would have left her after the first time it happened, because clearly, her heart was not really connected to or committed to yours. Peace and blessings.
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homesteader says:Posted: 01 Apr 09
23 months ago , and counting . While reading the Topics in Blogs / I have found one constant ; There are a Bunch of people who still Wish to live in the Past . History is Sure Nuff What did happen , Grow with the Present and Look Forward to the Future . Times have Changed for Us as We wished it so / We have old Antique Ford trucks which Desire to be Restored - Hense a dream still alive in my mind , We did knot get stuck in the Past though and are Happy together as One Family Unit now . Grow with the Times .
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homesteader says:Posted: 26 Dec 08
P.S. She traveled the Big Dog for a day to meet me and three days later we married , Love Les
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homesteader says:Posted: 26 Dec 08
I was complemented once , because another won 10 points choose Sing me . I have grown to Love this site since that day . I give 100% of my Love to the Ladie that I found here last year and she in turn gives to me 100 % . And our X-mas was filled with Love for all others , Amen ,Love Les
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2ute4u says:Posted: 16 Mar 08
I am an avid believer in the laws of the universe,if we do not reap what we sow in our current relationship,it'll catch up to us sooner or later... Scottdale, am sorry to have learned about the termination of your unborn children, my heart goes out to you...however,I hope you lucked out w/ some good news working in your favour.
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Cindie says:Posted: 04 Sep 07The Universe will NOT be fooled! Whatsoever a man (or woman) soweth, he or she shall also reap. Sometimes we reap what we sow (in and out of relationships), and are clueless as to why this or that thing has happened to us. Been there!
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scottsdale says:Posted: 04 Sep 07well on 2 of them--she had said she was on the pill and now that my anger towards her has resulted in her filing a restraining order on me--her way of getting me back also was last friday morning she text messaged me and said that she thought she was pregnant again--not sure if she wanted me to reply so she could have me arrested or if she really is--weird thing about it is--the last three--this one included i told her that if she wasnt on the pill that she was pregnant--i could feel it--something in me told me she was pregnant and all i ever wanted was kids--how could one person be so cruel?
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MsMackey says:Posted: 04 Sep 07
sorry to hear that scottsdale that is a hard thing to let my mind soak into i myself do not believe in abortions but thats my own opinion, and after her saying she wanted to give you a child....clearly she did not. why didn't she just get on birth control? using abortion for a form of birth control is murderous... in my own opinion, and that saying your reap what you sow... well when she is ready to have a child one day...and when she cant hold one and miscarry the very baby she longs for she will think back on all the babies with you that she could have had and enjoyed the gifts that the lord gave her and she discarded them like yesterdays trash... thats hard to think about i feel for you because those where your children as well and you had no say so in her actions..I feel for her because she has to go before him in the end M
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Starthai says:Posted: 24 Aug 07Nina, I have to agree with you, but I do choose my battles I do treat people how they treat and other times I just go quietly, it hurts, but eventually I feel like the winner :)
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scottsdale says:Posted: 18 Aug 07
so does this mean that with my former fiance that aborted(murdered) 3 of my babies without my input even tho she had said she wanted to give me a child that i should forgive her and treat her like a queen even tho she is a selfish bitch?
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 12 Aug 07Dang Nina...we all know Fala was joking...at least those of us here. Lighten up girl...no need to be rude! We're all here to have some fun. Re-read the post, and calm down. No one else took offense because we know her and know her playful sense of humor. Really...its not that serious.
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nina says:Posted: 11 Aug 07Nina says: Fala, when you are somewhere, knocked completely on your behind with no remedy, if you have the guts (most like this usually don't) look in the mirror. The trick is (dumb bunny) oh I mean honey is to win with out stepping on a soul and a winner I am.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 10 Aug 07
Fala, Fala, Fala...at least you are honest...LOL!
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fala says:Posted: 09 Aug 07
I treat everyone like crap. Don't ask me why but they keep coming back for more.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 08 Aug 07
Very true Mossimo, and even a dog will fight back if he is cornered long enough. We should try to treat people with the same respect that we want to receive. You'd be amazed at the difference that will make in any type of relationship.
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Kara says:Posted: 08 Aug 07I'd have to see the study to say for sure what I think, but one thing that occurs to me is that if this is a study of long-time couples....it could be that this is one of the ways of relating that increases relationship satisfaction and longevity, whether or not it reflects reality. First off, there's the obvious fact that if you really think that you'll reap what you sow, you're more likely to treat your partner well. Even beyond that, it could be that the *belief* that you reap what you sow causes people to feel like they have more power to determine how harmonious the relationship will be. In turn, a heightened sense of control over one's environment makes one feel happier, more satisfied, etc. All of that combines to create a partner that's pretty pleasant to be with and a more harmonious relationship. Now, if they had done this study with people who were in shorter term dating relationships, I'm not sure it would have that same outcome. So, sample selection could really determine the study's outcome.
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mossimo says:Posted: 07 Aug 07
I believe it works that way only some of the time. Some people will take advantage of, or mistreat you, no matter how you treat them. Regardless, I try to treat people as I would have them treat me.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 06 Aug 07
I do believe in you reap what you sow, but not so much in relationships. I think you will get back exactly what you put out there-with all people in general. As far as relationships, hey, what goes around comes around in some instances. If you are constantly the assaulter, wifebeater, cheater, and so on, it will come back to you in the end. Despite what the article says, I will still treat people with the same respect as they give me. In short, you have to give it to get it.
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I so want to believe that people reap what they sow but so far it seems like its not true. I always live by this philosophy and treat people like I want them to treat me but bad keeps following me. Ive been dealing with this guy since 2005 and we have been off and on. Recently in May he had an accident and I came running to help him recover. It was very serious and I guess because of the way he had treated me in the past and I still showed him I cared, caused him to start thinking long term. He asked me to marry him and bought me a nice ring and we even set a date to elope (we didnt want a big weddng). Well he started recovering quick (with my help) and no sooner than he was up and getting around again than he took back all the promises he made me. Now he has taken back the ring and asked me to move back out. He says that he wasnt thinking straight. Now the crazy thing is even though I am hurt beyond words, I would run back to him in the future if something else were to happen because I love him but he obviously doesnt love me as much because you dont do people like that. Will he reap what he sowed? I doubt it!